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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]helicoid 348 points349 points ago

I never date girls from china. That's a big red flag.

[–]Prog411 86 points87 points ago

I once dated a Chinese girl. She was sweet... and sour.

[–]Diagnosing_Doctor 23 points24 points ago

[–]kariotype 297 points298 points ago

Plus the tax havens.

[–]Wisdom_from_the_Ages 178 points179 points ago

The cheese is pretty good.

[–]lethargicwalrus 206 points207 points ago

Also the excellent health care system and general high standard of living.

[–]Ossici 181 points182 points ago

Not to mention the flag.

[–]Ze_Carioca 272 points273 points ago

It is a big plus

[–]AVeryMadFish 124 points125 points ago

Plus the tax havens.

[–]Phyics_Son 118 points119 points ago

The cheese is pretty good.

[–]RiPotato 90 points91 points ago

Also the excellent health care system and the general high standard for living.

[–]SeannyOC 103 points104 points ago

Not to mention the flag.

[–]wolfalice 105 points106 points ago

It's a big plus.

[–]I_Fuck_Rabid_Cows 107 points108 points ago

IT'S SO CLEVER HOW YOU REPEAT THE SAME THING MULTIPLE TIMES

[–]elroy_jetson 8 points9 points ago

Also, the emmi iced coffee

[–]kindofawardance 24 points25 points ago

lets not forget about the army knives

[–]b0ts 11 points12 points ago

I find the flag to be a bigger plus than the pocket knives.

[–]drakeamarus 12 points13 points ago

Depends on the size of the knife.

[–]Gooberpatrol66 8 points9 points ago

Chocolate.

EDIT: And mountains.

[–]DantesDame 13 points14 points ago

Mountains of chocolate

[–]redfrojoe 21 points22 points ago

And the whole country is filled with super models

[–]oD3 15 points16 points ago

Topless super models.

[–]worldalpha_com 13 points14 points ago

And Teachers make $110,000+

[–]NightHawk929 8 points9 points ago

As well as the bombs under bridges.

[–]elchip 5 points6 points ago

The good ones are.

[–]zen_monkey 5 points6 points ago

Yep. Some of the cantons have very low tax rates, such as the one where Roger lives.

[–]glassandmonocle 2 points3 points ago

Switzerland is Europe's tax-efficient gift to the world. Sadly, the Swiss are slowing being bullied into submission.

[–]jusu 268 points269 points ago

That's so cheap that I'm here in my kitchen at 0:45 am Monday "morning" giggling at that picture.

Well done.

[–]wantonballbag 70 points71 points ago

HOW'S EUROPE WORKIN' OUT FOR YA?

[–]wolfvision 36 points37 points ago

it's nice, like curtains

[–]wantonballbag 28 points29 points ago

AWESOME, GLAD YOU LIKE IT

[–]Vanderrr 8 points9 points ago

YOU CAN USE MY OFFICE AND THEN MAYBE WE CAN GO TO LUNCH.

[–]ReadsYourComments 184 points185 points ago

[–]locobanya 68 points69 points ago

That was beautiful. You have a voice like smooth dark chocolate.

[–]GingerJesus89 132 points133 points ago

You mean...SWISS Chocolate?

[–]BarkingTurtle 40 points41 points ago

YEEAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

[–]Kage-kun 8 points9 points ago

http://mirrors.rit.edu/instantCSI/

Edit: Sorry for blasting ears; please turn your volume down!

[–]TheLegitMidgit 24 points25 points ago

RIP Headphone Users

[–]locobanya 10 points11 points ago

Terribly sorry, my mistake.

[–]fuckinDEAD 2 points3 points ago

No, I think he meant like a Toblerone

[–]SOCK_FUCKER 11 points12 points ago

That reminds me..

When I was younger, around 13 or 14, I started entering puberty and finding out about the joys of playing with my private parts.

One thing I would do is stuff as many random things as possible into my underwear as I was getting a boner. Then when that got old, I'd hang hangers from my rock hard dick. Sometimes, I'd get naked and wrap myself in toilet paper and run around the outside of our house at night.

But one day, I was feeling a little more adventurous than usual. If only I would've known the consequences of what I was about to do..

I had to take a shit, like hardcore fucking style. I remember that I had been to some kid's birthday party earlier that day and I had eaten a shit-ton of pizza. Now, my butthole was starting to get that "spicy" feeling like when you know you're going to have a messy shit after eating a big steaming plate of mexican food.

I ran to the bathroom and threw open the lid, dancing around to keep my sphincter muscles from releasing a torrent of feces onto the floor. Suddenly, I had an idea. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a pie dish out of the cabinet.

You know where this is going. I ran back to the bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it tight so that no one would disturb my shit shenanigans. Dropping my pants, I put the pie pan up against my ass and sat down on the toilet, and then I let that motherfucker rip.

Immediately, it felt like I had sat down in a large warm mud hole. I could feel soft shit filling the pie dish around me, and the smell hit my nostrils as it began to drip over the edges onto the floor. I was releasing far more shit than I had ever thought possible.

Finally, my internal organs stopped heaving, and I staggered to my feet, nearly slipping on the shit spray which was now all over the floor. After cleaning myself up, I took the pan o shit out of the bathroom and walked towards the door as quickly as possible -- I wanted to get rid of that shit before someone else saw it.

As if by divine intervention, my mother walked upstairs and saw me walking towards the door with a pan full of brown stuff. She laughed and thought that I was trying to bake a cake, so she showed me how to set the oven and put it in for me. My moms allergies and bad eyesight probably prevented her from realizing that it wasn't a brownie mix she had just stuck into 350 degree heat.

The stench that followed is unlike any I have ever experienced. My mom began to pick up on it and immediately threw open the oven, throwing my pan of shit out the door and almost receiving a first-degree burn in the process. I stood there, not knowing what to do or say. I kept my mouth shut and she never said anything about it, probably just assuming that I had seriously fucked the recipe up somehow.

Moral of the story - don't shit in a pan

[–]amazing_explosion 7 points8 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Liberalistic 2 points3 points ago

WAT.

[–]hankfuckingmoody 3 points4 points ago

I somehow imagined a Women reading this particular comment

[–]Mynameismaz 14 points15 points ago

Because she's in the kitchen

[–]unwanted_puppy 9 points10 points ago

are you in the radio business? i think you have the face for it.

[–]ReadsYourComments 9 points10 points ago

Wow. First time so far that anyone's used the "You have a face for radio line" on me. Kudos to you sir.

[–]preggit 1 point2 points ago

You know what man, you have a voice for...for radio. Seriously though, you're really good.

[–]RalphiesBoogers 2 points3 points ago

You sound like the old AOL guy when you say "well done!".

[–]DawginYourMomma 117 points118 points ago

Took me too long to get that. I thought it was ridiculously unfunny for about 10 seconds.

[–]MBonez12 49 points50 points ago

Ahhh I get it, cuz the flag has an addition sign on it!

[–]Davedough 84 points85 points ago

I'm ashamed I had to scroll this far down to get the joke.

[–]MBonez12 0 points1 point ago

I didn't want to post as a reply unless it was somewhat relevant to the original comment

[–]acam11391 89 points90 points ago

I love Roger Federer

[–]TheDanSandwich 18 points19 points ago

Easy now, he's a married man.

[–]silvamagic 2 points3 points ago

I love Mirka too! They are one classy power couple.

[–]dreamerkid001 34 points35 points ago

His tennis is beautiful, and so is everything about him. He looks like movie star. God, I love him.

[–]Thinks_Reddit_Is_RPG 36 points37 points ago

The best part about Roger Federer is that he is a genuinely nice person. Tennis is very lucky to have someone like him at the forefront.

[–]CookieDoughCooter 14 points15 points ago

It's a great time to be a tennis fan. Djokovic, Murray, and Nadal are all fun to watch and have great personalities. I will miss Roddick's hilarious press conferences. His performance record there was unparalleled.

[–]cheeserail 129 points130 points ago

I was hoping someone would make the connection

[–]FakeChowNumNum1 153 points154 points ago

Hey guys, it's me! The guy who gets left out of things. What did I miss this time?

[–]IsSuchAThingPossible 62 points63 points ago

I know how you feel... This is what's great about getting old. I'll read this, forget all of the information and go see the movie. I will enjoy it, half way through the movie I'll forget what the plot is, get confused and go to the parking lot and try to find my car by holding my keys over my head and pushing the panic button until my alarm goes off. Which will scare the shit out of me, and I will think it is a cop, because I already have one arm up. I bring the other hand up and get on the ground, hands behind my back. Then I will fall asleep. The next morning I will find my car, a mere three feet away. I get inside and discover the battery has somehow died, so I call a tow company. After an hour, for some reason, a tow truck shows up and a black man starts running toward my car. He's screaming, so I lock the windows and hide in the back seat. I never realize that I've set myself on fire from the cigarette I forgot that I'd lit twenty minutes ago. I become an hero. This thread is great. My name is George, are there rules on this internet page?

[–]HasFuckedYourMom 14 points15 points ago

If you'll just give me your home address and social security number I'll gladly mail you all the rules.

[–]FemaCampDirector 6 points7 points ago

No rules here, George.

Just continue as you are...

[–]ooo0ooo 124 points125 points ago

Don't tell him... SHUN HIM

[–]hinduguru 65 points66 points ago

OOH AH AH

[–]Tubthumping 56 points57 points ago

TING TANG

[–]mrd489 74 points75 points ago

WALLA WALLA BING BANG

[–]poorly_timed_gimli 220 points221 points ago

AND MY AXE!

[–]nanarpus 51 points52 points ago

dedicated novelty account user right here. 2 years of posting pretty much the same comment every single time

[–]ANAL_PLUNDERING 25 points26 points ago

Thanks for the clarification.

[–]duBiYou 8 points9 points ago

Oooo eeeee

[–]Fractoman 7 points8 points ago

OOOH AHH AHH, TING

[–]appleavocado 4 points5 points ago

TANG, WALLA WALLA

[–]Smelly_dildo 2 points3 points ago

BING BANG!! <the end>

[–]FakeChowNumNum1 10 points11 points ago

Hey, me again. I seem to have been left out of "OOH AH AH" also... I'm just gonna go sit in the corner before I hurt myself.

[–]TacticalBacon00 6 points7 points ago

[–]ArchangelleOPisAfag 49 points50 points ago

Whenever somebody tells a lame joke, you get karma for linking this.

[–]aryst0krat 6 points7 points ago

It's funny because this is also a good way to describe the face.

[–]Metaluim 2 points3 points ago

It all adds up!

[–]NickDouglas 0 points1 point ago

Only Sherlock Holmes himself could cunningly deduce that this was a Punne, or Play On Words!

[–]hamsterdam83 14 points15 points ago

I like how OP set you up for the easy karma on this one. Thank him for the assist.

[–]mabonuob 32 points33 points ago

More like this.

[–]Vexman 11 points12 points ago

Actually, I was about to post that I agree. Then I realized, aren't they just both the same thing? EDIT: You are right. Bad joke eelis about ocean related bad jokes.

[–]mabonuob 33 points34 points ago

Bad Joke Eel is about bad jokes, whether they are puns or not. Lame Pun Coon is explicitly about lame puns.

[–]Lazy_I 19 points20 points ago

Eel for jokes, Coon for puns.

[–]JohnScribbles 181 points182 points ago

Now that's a flag I woudn't want to bern

[–]Autopilot_Psychonaut[S] 151 points152 points ago

I'm not very good with puns - alp me out here...

[–]lethargicwalrus 74 points75 points ago

I swiss these stupid puns would stop.

[–]uzi1080 89 points90 points ago

I wouldn't bank on it.

[–]bambu002 42 points43 points ago

Jura funny guy.

[–]Phaedrus85 31 points32 points ago

Upvauds all aaraund

[–]TheWhalerus 11 points12 points ago

We're on a rolle.

[–]aurthunderdrake 21 points22 points ago

Lets be franc about it. These things never get old.

[–]Skyrim_Enthusiast 11 points12 points ago

These puns are so sour, they're lac lemans.

[–]pffr 6 points7 points ago

I'm swatching you!

[–]corya14 10 points11 points ago

I'm trying to think of another but I have drawn a Blanc.

[–]passive_fist 15 points16 points ago

I know it's just a stupid pun thread, but I feel the need to point out that Mont Blanc is not in Switzerland

[–]xgoggsx 11 points12 points ago

I don't want to toot my own Matterhorn but I think I'm pretty good at puns.

[–]theJUIC3_isL00se 24 points25 points ago

There are now two posts regarding Switzerland in the top 5 posts on the front page... reddit appears to be under a very accurately timed attack

[–]illaqueable 17 points18 points ago

You better swatch it, buddy.

[–]GodMadePigs4Bacon 30 points31 points ago

Wrong, it's the monument of Freddie Mercury overlooking Lake Geneva.

[–]Schmich 13 points14 points ago

I pic I took from the back: http://instagram.com/p/O1OQnIK-o3/

Also views can be incredible in Switzerland. Here is the one from my family's winterplace: http://i.imgur.com/mA2pI.jpg

[–]KittyFooties 29 points30 points ago

Does anyone else have something to add? We want to keep it positive.

[–]iamNebula 6 points7 points ago

White, you just crossed the line. I didn't think I'd red any puns. Everyone flag his comment.

[–]zachbarnett 6 points7 points ago

I think you summed it up pretty well, actually.

[–]Jamie4x 54 points55 points ago

Federer is the greatest and most ruthless tennis champion of all time, no one from the past can match up to him and no one in the future will

[–]commander04 3 points4 points ago

In head to head competition Nadal has an 18-10 edge. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federer%E2%80%93Nadal_rivalry#Head-to-head_tallies

[–]fapstronaut20012 12 points13 points ago

14 matches and 12 of Nadal's wins were on clay. Nadal is the undisputed king of clay.

[–]Tekmo 4 points5 points ago

[–]fuck_ 3 points4 points ago

I thought it was the hot chicks? Plus who gives a shit about flags? In addition, there's hot chicks. Add to that, you can't have sex with flags. To sum it up: hot chicks.

[–]ItsDare 7 points8 points ago

He's got a nice cold sore in that pic.

[–]zen_monkey 8 points9 points ago

Roger makes Herpes cool.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]odLott 27 points28 points ago

Born and used to live in Switzerland:

  • Switzerland did not create the Red Cross. Henry Dunant did. It's an NGO.
  • While there are officially four languages you'll have better luck finding somebody who speaks Cherokee than somebody who speaks Romansch
  • It's a lot more complicated than that. If Germany had wanted to invade Switzerland, they could have, but it was convenient for everybody to have a buffer zone.
  • I don't believe that. Although there are decent universities in Switzerland, intuitively you would know this is simply impossible.
  • Used to live on top of What because the Large Hadron Collider. Large parts of CERN are in France though.

[–]tttruckit 10 points11 points ago

There are no Mosques in Switzerland.

http://i.imgur.com/6mJHR.gif

[–]martsimon 22 points23 points ago

lol at hardons.

[–]jfk90787 23 points24 points ago

Being the most quoted country in scientific references. Very awesome.

Seriously? How is this not the US? America haters get out, I just have a very hard time believing this.

edit: http://sciencewatch.com/dr/cou/2009/09janALLPAPRS/ was OP just making stuff up? And why am I getting downvoted for pointing out misinformation? Commence Switzerland circeljerk -_-

[–]KimonoThief 12 points13 points ago

Maybe he was talking about citations per paper? Still fucking ridiculous that you're getting downvoted for calling out misinformation.

[–]DrDragun 9 points10 points ago

Because you jump to the conclusion that someone who is mistaken at America's expense is an America hater and not simply misinformed, showing the chip on your shoulder and taking a testy tone, I downvoted you and OP both.

[–]Stevoman 4 points5 points ago

You missed the coolest thing about Switzerland:

Roger Federer

[–]Naggers123 3 points4 points ago

Is there a video of this?

[–]Autopilot_Psychonaut[S] 8 points9 points ago

Not an actual quote.

[–]WelcomeHomeSon 2 points3 points ago

The chocolate. I loved everything about Switzerland when I lived there but one of the biggest highlights was definitely the chocolate.

[–]sekai-31 15 points16 points ago

I don't get it.

EDIT- Took me way to long to get that. The flag is literally a big plus.

[–]tyrroi 1 point2 points ago

OP cross post this to /r/vexillology

[–]BlueDonutDennis 2 points3 points ago

I thought this post was gonna be about the teachers making like 100k a year...

[–]-Allen- 9 points10 points ago

Ahaha that's gold!

...or at least silver.

[–]waazaa 8 points9 points ago

[–]a_red_crayola 4 points5 points ago

Anyone from Canton Ticino, here? Hello?

[–]Phaedrus85 10 points11 points ago

They have internet there now?

[–]Hepcat10 4 points5 points ago

go to /r/Punny with this. gather your karma. buy your boat

[–]_edeetee 3 points4 points ago

YOU ARE AMAZING YOU MADE MY WHOLE CLASS LAUGH

[–]cailema 0 points1 point ago

knee-slapper.

[–]good_beer 2 points3 points ago

Switzerland also keeps classy time. It might not be the most accurate, but it's damn classy.

[–]wickedlikethreesixes 2 points3 points ago

[–]Tristan_the_Manley 2 points3 points ago

Mark Brendanowicz?

[–]turkjurk 0 points1 point ago

Not bad. But I like Switzerland because of its polyarcal polity. It's ultra democratic tendencies please the liberty-loving me

[–]willhelm1123 2 points3 points ago

I used to live in Zurich a couple years ago. everything was so close together it was so cool how you were able to meet up with friends and go someplace in such a short amount of time.

[–]Tok-A-Mak 2 points3 points ago

As someone from Switzerland it annoys me big time that he uses a maritime flag. The real flag of Switzerland is a square. Rectangular flags are only permitted on the seas by law. It's not Rogers fault of course, but i wonder if there is a deeper meaning or if they just use a rectangular format to fit in.

[–]acompletesmeghead 2 points3 points ago

*SHAMELESS PLUG FOR /r/tennis*

[–]That_Canadian_Eh 3 points4 points ago

How did this get 5000 upvotes...?

Fuck it. Take mine too.

[–]sammyd1995 4 points5 points ago

I always thought it was the women. Or the healthcare? But mostly the women.

[–]Clairdassian 4 points5 points ago

[–]DickHairsDeluxe 2 points3 points ago

ALLLLEEEEZZZ

[–]gJonny 3 points4 points ago

and the taxes are really low and it has a very small government.

[–]10b-5 3 points4 points ago

I love Switzerland, I doubt there is any better place in the world to live.

[–]Ze_Carioca 9 points10 points ago

North Korea would like a word with you.

[–]10b-5 7 points8 points ago

True, forgot about best Korea.

[–]NAproducer 3 points4 points ago

I've always wanted to visit there. I am looking to move away from the US and that is on the short list of possible places I might like to live.

[–]zlc 4 points5 points ago

Good luck getting in...

[–]Hangmat 0 points1 point ago

What can you buy with Karma?

[–]Dstroyrofwrlds 1 point2 points ago

As someone who lives in Switzerland...I'd have to say the flag definitely has a leg up on many other flags.

[–]meg_megatron 0 points1 point ago

I think I laughed too hard at this.. I'm still laughing after showing it to my friends...

[–]SirSkiesAlot 1 point2 points ago

Rich.

[–]lavgaronie -1 points0 points ago

Why is he holding the new HL3 collector's edition?

[–]effieokay 0 points1 point ago

I'm ashamed to admit it took me a solid 3 minutes to get this.

[–]derp_chug 0 points1 point ago

Laughed so hard at this I coughed / choked / spit everywhere.

[–]Slenderpman -1 points0 points ago

Buh dum tssssss

[–]JeremyF 1 point2 points ago

...is knowing that your neighbors are probably white.

[–]massenburger -1 points0 points ago

Is there a video link to this?

[–]QueueNX 0 points1 point ago

Infinite health packs too

[–]twixplease 1 point2 points ago

Cunning use of a flag.

[–]tantive5 0 points1 point ago

I thought it would be Milka or Lindt!

[–]theplanegeek 1 point2 points ago

And it [the flag] has all the properties of good flag design from the North American Vexillological Association.

[–]TheyCallMeSwiss 0 points1 point ago

Hop shwiez!

[–]jdlyga -1 points0 points ago

Posting this in r/funny is offensive to comedy itself.

[–]haydennt 0 points1 point ago

This guy......

[–]phongbong 1 point2 points ago

[–]nebula27 0 points1 point ago

Personally I love the watches. Blancpain, I'm thinkin about you.

Mothaflippin cakeday!!!

[–]almond22 0 points1 point ago

[–]Fatbacks 1 point2 points ago

i like their flag because it sends a positive vibe

[–]cuppairony 0 points1 point ago

ahhhhh, what a plus.

[–]vnut08 0 points1 point ago

[–]perzadook 0 points1 point ago

I almost had a rage aneurysm when I got the joke.

[–]FCOS 0 points1 point ago

That took me a while to get

[–]jlau256 0 points1 point ago

Could be worse, could be French...

[–]Quiglefitch 1 point2 points ago

He gets free shipping. FedX

[–]Rhesusmonkeydave 1 point2 points ago

I wonder if the Swiss would get shot at less in a war for being mistaken for medics...

[–]thegreatepiphany 0 points1 point ago

Dude, your username, I love your username

[–]andresm3131 1 point2 points ago

you clever bastard

[–]Deftonez 0 points1 point ago

Not to mention everyone has a fully automatic assault rifle.

[–]kalebb 0 points1 point ago

Not embarrassed to say it took me a second to get it.

[–]MrDoubleE 0 points1 point ago

[–]bazlightyear 0 points1 point ago

this should stay on the front page forever

[–]party_thighs 0 points1 point ago

after a long day, this made me crack a slow grin. I'm sure I creeped out the guy opposite from me.

thanks for putting a smile on my face.

[–]superfishnet 0 points1 point ago

And they're neutral.

[–]gsubs200 1 point2 points ago

Wait did Federer actually say that? so much respect

[–]jsphenom08 0 points1 point ago

The women!