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top 200 commentsshow all 374

[–]killjennyproductions 139 points140 points ago

Makes me feel safer that Diane Walker is 'on my side'

[–]Phyics_Son 64 points65 points ago

poor woman looks like she was just serially butt stabbed

[–]hillelm666 45 points46 points ago

well when the butt stabber sees her talking about him like that, we know she ain't gon' be diane walkin' no' more.

[–]friday6700 7 points8 points ago

She'll be walkin', just not sittin'.

[–]Bipolarruledout 11 points12 points ago

Looks like it's coming from within the studio.

[–]Greyhaven7 253 points254 points ago

That is my town. Fairfax, VA.

[–]ANAL_ANARCHY 102 points103 points ago

I know where I'm moving now.

[–]Intolorent_Redneck 8 points9 points ago

Well done.

[–]RyanRaygun 43 points44 points ago

Hold onto your butts.

[–]NurEinser 3 points4 points ago

Not until the fat lady sings.

[–]dag96 67 points68 points ago

The Ass Slasher!

[–]CmndrSalamander 99 points100 points ago

Ass slinging slasher?

[–]elchipocabre 55 points56 points ago

The hash slinging?

[–]Yabbob 47 points48 points ago

The trash singing?

[–]WoodPlanking 48 points49 points ago

The mash bringing...the, the crash dinging...

[–]MisterPico 39 points40 points ago

THE HASH SLINGING SLAHER!!!!

[–]WoodPlanking 28 points29 points ago

D:

[–]0strangers0 26 points27 points ago

Summer of last year. Had tons of family friends visiting here and this was their first impression of NOVA, a land of butt stabbers.

[–]DUDE_HAS_STUFF 12 points13 points ago

Yeah VA checking in. This was my town. They had it on video in a department store I think.

[–]imtwelveandwhatsthis 11 points12 points ago

Yay NOVA!

[–]Space_Horse 6 points7 points ago

I almost got a job at one of the stores where it happened.

[–]spunkush 5 points6 points ago

haha yeah i was like.." oh shit, i do live there..."

[–]musicallyme 6 points7 points ago

Fairfax county: where the worst crime is a serial butt stabber.

UGH how do let riff raff like that into the holy grail of shopping that is tysons corner?!

[–]gtrunner 3 points4 points ago

You can keep it. I'm just visiting.

[–]zamattiac 2 points3 points ago

I thought he was only at fair oaks?

[–]dailyfusion 2 points3 points ago

same. MONTHS ago

[–]NotARobotv2 5 points6 points ago

My sister was at one of the stores where a chick got butt stabbed the same day!

[–]Rivers_17 2 points3 points ago

No it is not. It's Richmond. We're proud of our Butt Stabber.

[–]TRDBen 42 points43 points ago

Based on her face, she is either the stabber or the next stabbee.

[–]Phoboshobo 33 points34 points ago

She is currently being stabbed.

[–]yParticle 13 points14 points ago

Note the purple shirt.

[–]encbro 57 points58 points ago

This used to be happening in my hometown. Now you have to deal with her and that voice...

Edit: I didn't notice the butt stabbing.

[–]sexybeast099 21 points22 points ago

I have only heard one woman with a manlier voice. We called her man-voice.

[–]encbro 37 points38 points ago

Creative!

[–]Splitshadow 6 points7 points ago

I'm dicing vegetables for dinner with my girlfriend on Friday. We always have stirfry for dinner on Friday - guess what we call it!

[–]kiswa 10 points11 points ago

Friday dinner?

[–]timrbrady 2 points3 points ago

Stir-Friday?

[–]thuursty 6 points7 points ago

as a fellow Richmonder this is not a huge surprise

[–]alexunderwater 117 points118 points ago

Judging by Diane's face, I imagine this is what she's saying.

[–]TheDirty1 30 points31 points ago

She does look very concerned.

[–]kareemmatheson 12 points13 points ago

Well, her last name is "Walker". It makes sense that she would feel particularly threatened by a butt stabber.

[–]SwanGnBang 3 points4 points ago

[–]raydeen 14 points15 points ago

Judging by Diane's face, I think she was the latest victim.

[–]notsothrowaway 2 points3 points ago

That's exactly how I'd look if I'd just been stabbed in the butt - Like a concerned African-American newswoman who'd just been stabbed in the butt.

[–]cultculturee 8 points9 points ago

the face she is making looks like it's straight out of one of those reptilian conspiracy videos

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 1 point2 points ago

butts aren't going to stab themselves

[–]coolguyjoedude 102 points103 points ago

I'm from Richmond and everyone here is real butthurt about it. Going out is becoming a real pain in the ass. I don't even see the point of it. Butt-stabbing is just the what we need in a city that already has a dirty crack problem.

[–]bytor_2112 38 points39 points ago

you are such a gentleman for using up all the puns and preventing the development of a pun thread. We all salute you

[–]sirkablaam 19 points20 points ago

We need to crack down and cut the source of this shit.

[–]bytor_2112 18 points19 points ago

you are such an asshole

[–]beflatblues 21 points22 points ago

RVA?

[–]sweeney921 13 points14 points ago

Richwhat? RICHMOND

[–]FusedGutz24 6 points7 points ago

This was a problem at my University a few years ago.

[–]FusedGutz24 3 points4 points ago

There was a song made about it.

[–]OneHotSnowman 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit, it must be reallllllly fucking slow around Ball State....

[–]djostreet 7 points8 points ago

BUTTSTABBER? BUTTSTABBER!

[–]retneftw 5 points6 points ago

BUTTSTABAH?

[–]andybent25 17 points18 points ago

It's happening in my bedroom tonight!!!! (hint: It's a gay joke) (second hint: I'm gay)

[–]pointofinformation 10 points11 points ago

Thank God I live in Tuckahoe.

...Dammit.

[–]Owitb 3 points4 points ago

[–]Avarra 4 points5 points ago

It was happening in my town, they caught the guy already.

[–]Aratix 3 points4 points ago

That woman's face is hilarious.

[–]iliketurtles2795 2 points3 points ago

I think it is unfortunate

[–]athehelm 2 points3 points ago

Richmond redditors! We get some pretty damn good news.

[–]bostonsam 4 points5 points ago

Must be a friend of the purple shirted eye stabber.

[–]Sirrayne 1 point2 points ago

Holy Shit RVA!

[–]netraven5000 2 points3 points ago

I thought Channel 7 was on my side.

[–]Killhead 3 points4 points ago

Squidbillies Spoiler alert: It was Dan Halen, but he blamed it on Erley.

[–]Unlucky13 1 point2 points ago

Oh Richmond. I love this city.

[–]gregspartan 5 points6 points ago

What a prick

[–]macutchi 2 points3 points ago

Aint nobody got time fo dat.

[–]Frogtown 2 points3 points ago

Speaking as the serial butt stabber, mind your own business.

[–]sailing_quallege 1 point2 points ago

looks like he's striking again during this report

[–]fourchang 1 point2 points ago

[–]Iupvotelikecrazy 4 points5 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
Live news.. 2coms 16pts 2mos funny
Hide yo husband too... 8coms 82pts 3mos WTF
Protect your butts! 3coms 5pts 26dys pics

source: karmadecay

[–]RoboPizza 9 points10 points ago

Original Content from over a year ago, and bc someone cropped the pic, it doesn't show up on KD...sigh...just got reddit'dddd

OC

[–]sexybeast099 0 points1 point ago

Butt it is...

[–]xrayne 0 points1 point ago

This happened in my town when I was about six.

[–]zushiba 1 point2 points ago

Isn't that "On your side" a little presumptive? What if I'm on the side of the Serial Butt Stabber?

[–]ProKaleidoscoper 0 points1 point ago

This has been an ongoing problem in my local mall

[–]BritishMongrel 0 points1 point ago

"You're a serial killer for 12 years and never get a nickname, you happen to stab a couple guys in the rear and everyone calls you the butt stabber!"

[–]VA_is4_MOFOs 0 points1 point ago

It's close enough for me to be embarrassed! Stupid mother fucking ass stabber!

[–]thexbrothers -1 points0 points ago

She is black and a woman!? Sure as hell isnt MY home town!

[–]Matt1125 0 points1 point ago

He stabbed someone at a mall very close to me when she went to pickup a shirt she dropped.

[–]wearsredsox 0 points1 point ago

But it is...

[–]Butte_Pirate 0 points1 point ago

Yes it is. :(

[–]k3mpk3mp 0 points1 point ago

lol her face

[–]Arnoldsgrandpa -1 points0 points ago

My home town, her manly voice is worse than the crime.

[–]obliviousRay 0 points1 point ago

A few year back I spent a couple of weeks in Romania. At the time they were having a similar crime wave. I remember sitting in the hotel room watching TV, and what seemed like very five minutes they'd do a reenactment. I couldn't understand a word of what was being said, but they had a CG clip of a guy walking up and stabbing a girl in the ass with a screw driver. I could understand why they were concerned, but the constant repetition, it just went way beyond a news story.

[–]InquisitorKaede 1 point2 points ago

This actually is from my home town. :feelsbadman:

[–]jhoover2 1 point2 points ago

was desperately searching for a pun thread... a little butt-hurt about it

[–]Nanrbananr 1 point2 points ago

Butt... that is my town!!

[–]Johspo 0 points1 point ago

A girl in my grade got stabbed in the butt in one of his mini-rampages before he got caught. Wasn't too bad or anything but an x-acto knife to the butt cheek is never too fun

[–]Kickinback32 1 point2 points ago

It looks like she just got stabbed in the butt

[–]InfernoEffect 0 points1 point ago

Oh, hello last year's news, how have you been?

[–]nebbish 0 points1 point ago

Punishment stabbings where a knife is stuck up someone's arse is unfortunately a bit of a thing for UK gangs, especially in Glasgow. It's very painful, humiliating, and difficult to heal. People are nasty.

[–]Butt_Patties 0 points1 point ago

"What?!"

checks lower right area

"... Oh."

[–]JackIsaac 0 points1 point ago

Does every local news station have a Diane Walker? There was one on the local station growing up and I swear I've seen at least three more while traveling.

[–]mti87 0 points1 point ago

IT WAS IN MY HOME TOWN!!

[–]spage6 0 points1 point ago

This is from over a year ago. And fyi it was in northern VA right next to DC

[–]stusteen3 0 points1 point ago

actually, this was in my hometown!

[–]CakeJ 0 points1 point ago

Gdalfi

[–]heyitsthtguy 0 points1 point ago

This is happening in my home town 0.0

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

This actually DID happen in my town. I worked at Fair Oaks Mall at a build a bear workshop when this was going on.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Serial-Butt-Stabber-Sought-in-Fairfax-County-126151323.html

Yup. That was fun. I think the worst part about it was everyone texting me for days saying ''THERE'S A BUTT STABBER!!! BE CAREFUL OF THE BUTT STABBER!!" It was a hot topic.

[–]h1imhzq 0 points1 point ago

Hey this is in Northern Virginia. haha this is repost happened many many months ago. It was a guy who went around the mall with a razor blade or something and cutting women's pants (near the butt).

[–]hgeyer99 0 points1 point ago

Idk if her face is funny or the butt stalker part

[–]tyreesekobebryant 0 points1 point ago

Diane Walker is my grandma's name.

[–]Mctastycakes 0 points1 point ago

Her face....

[–]iAmtheRealEthan 0 points1 point ago

She looks like she got a surprise butt stabbing.

[–]Space_Horse 1 point2 points ago

It did...

[–]shplink 0 points1 point ago

[–]jp3243 0 points1 point ago

Diane Walker: "Da fuck is wrong with you people?"

[–]Bore-dome 0 points1 point ago

those eyes

[–]TheSmiling 0 points1 point ago

It actually is...

[–]helloxgoodbye 0 points1 point ago

That is my hometown. He was targeting people in malls in the area.

[–]GMBeats95 0 points1 point ago

I believe this was in Central Park, so yes, this is happening in my hometown

[–]quiet_papilio 0 points1 point ago

Ok this IS my hometown...

[–]supframage 0 points1 point ago

it was happening in my hometown. :/

[–]Imouto 0 points1 point ago

TFW this is my hometown.

[–]dirtymoney 0 points1 point ago

reminds me of "dart man" from New York many years ago.

Made the news for a while about a man who would shoot darts (I assume blowgun darts) into people's asses on the street.

[–]obliviousheep 0 points1 point ago

It fucking is though. God damn it.

[–]akecke1 0 points1 point ago

This happened in my hometown. And I still live here.

[–]lord_fairfax 0 points1 point ago

This DID happen in my hometown. Relevant username.

[–]jcards804 -1 points0 points ago

RVA River City, we mean business butt we stay pretty

[–]kliks 0 points1 point ago

RUN DIANE RUN!

[–]CoffeeHigh 0 points1 point ago

Im going to narwhal you so hard!

[–]ThankGodForInnernets 0 points1 point ago

And to think, people in Colorado are complaining about a serial butt GRABBER.

[–]AdonisChrist 0 points1 point ago

-.-

This is my hometown. Unless there've been numerous serial butt stabbers in the past few years. In which case, Fuck.

[–]spiderobert 0 points1 point ago

Actually... this happened pretty close to where I live.

[–]Becandl 0 points1 point ago

Scariest fucking face I've ever seen. I can see this becoming a meme.

[–]CarlFromAccounting 0 points1 point ago

This seems to be a thing now.

[–]Demoser 0 points1 point ago

That did also happen in the DC area...

[–]Reaver_King 0 points1 point ago

He's climbing in your windows, he's stabbing yo' asses up.

[–]designatedjohnny 0 points1 point ago

Until now. Thanks for giving copy cats the idea. Now, where did i put my knife...

[–]Astromachine 1 point2 points ago

QADDAFI'D!

[–]Snafu19 0 points1 point ago

In the 1800's this happened in london and it was found out that people were stabbing themselves in the ass to get attention. But people still believed it was happening and it was practically unsafe for males to be out after dark in fear of being accused of stabbing girls asses.

[–]darockerj 0 points1 point ago

This isn't my town, but this also happened in my town. He was known as "The Butt Slasher".

[–]iAmericA45 0 points1 point ago

[–]john0703 0 points1 point ago

Looks like he got the reporter to...

[–]merryprank 0 points1 point ago

Its funny because this IS my hometown. WooHoo!

[–]MGMTitan 0 points1 point ago

Buttstabbing: When backstabbing just isn't low enough.

[–]brownstoned 0 points1 point ago

Surprise buttseks?

[–]NiggaOnLotB 0 points1 point ago

Did the news station know hey were being robbed?

[–]Harb1ng3r 0 points1 point ago

Bobbum man? With his equipmonk?

[–]Olukon 0 points1 point ago

The Butt Cutter!

[–]Eats_Beef_Steak 0 points1 point ago

The reporter is so intensely focused on that report. Look at the eyes!

[–]Weednesday 0 points1 point ago

I live in Chantilly, happened near the Bone Fish where I work.

[–]elcheecho 1 point2 points ago

It was..

[–]EnderofDragon 1 point2 points ago

This DID happen in my hometown. At the time I was living less than a mile from Fair Oaks mall.

[–]Whatsup167 -1 points0 points ago

This is my town Richmond, Va. Shit.

[–]Kazmarov 0 points1 point ago

"It is now known that...Abraham Lincoln got hammered in the ass so much, he died of being hammered in the ass"

John Wilkes Booth, the first butt stabber?

[–]redbirdsfan 0 points1 point ago

Here in Denver we have a "Serial Groper" on the loose. Edit: Heres a story about it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAjvZ6uSg6k

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

looks like he got to her and shes trying to figure out if she likes it

[–]ItsNotJustABoulder 0 points1 point ago

Butt-stabber? U mean taco bell? Ya we have one of those...

[–]Lauribal 0 points1 point ago

One more reason why I don't go into the Forever 21 in Fairfax. Freakin' butt slasher

[–]Armitando 0 points1 point ago

She looks like her butt got stabbed.

[–]osmosisjonesin 0 points1 point ago

looks like she just got butt stabbed

[–]Kingoftheklownz 0 points1 point ago

As Greyhaven said, this quite literally is my town and the town of 1 million other people (it's a big town)

[–]AllAboutPooping 0 points1 point ago

I Guarentee the guy is on crack...

[–]amazingboy97 0 points1 point ago

Ah, we had a butt slasher in my town. The joke was that he'd make you a + sign, but in all seriousness; we lost a lot of good butts.

[–]Moose9251 0 points1 point ago

For a while in my town we had a bicycle stabber. Such an odd method of fleeing.

[–]emanbbrock 0 points1 point ago

THIS IS MY HOMETOWN!!!!!!

[–]TheOtherSideOfThings 1 point2 points ago

Whenever this pic gets to the front page I upvote everything in the comments because that's my news lady and I feel special that Reddit upvoted something so close to my heart, so in return I upvote everything in Reddit's heart.

[–]OnWingsOfWax 0 points1 point ago

This is mostly likely piquerism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piquerism

[–]LazyWhoreBitch 0 points1 point ago

Better watch your ass!

[–]MrJesus444 0 points1 point ago

Her face made this post for me.

[–]micfiygd 0 points1 point ago

Two years ago there was a man in New Brunswick at the Rutgers campus that shot two separate people in the butt.

Butt Shooter > Butt Stabber

[–]Jgib5328 0 points1 point ago

It's called anal rape.

[–]the8thman 0 points1 point ago

God dammit Virginia, again?

[–]Jdshots 0 points1 point ago

I could not stop laughing at her face. Almost like she cant believe what shes reading.

[–]nineteen_eightyfour 1 point2 points ago

You're right. I live in a place where a black woman could never host news. Very sorry.

[–]Temptress75519 1 point2 points ago

Scary stories to tell in the dark.

Look at the face.

[–]RKCKickers 0 points1 point ago

I heard Curt was the culprit

[–]ZoomaBaresAll -1 points0 points ago

Whatchoo talkin about, I'm stabbin butts all over this town.

[–]ryanknapper 0 points1 point ago

Vienna, VA is my hometown and it's not safe from butt slashers.

[–]geekyvelma 0 points1 point ago

Whoa I just experienced that moment when you realize you visit Reddit more than you watch your local news. VA Redditor here and this is from my local news!

[–]ManInTheMirage 1 point2 points ago

Looks like Diane's the most recent victim.

[–]Chuffmonster 0 points1 point ago

Beware the butt cutter -Early

[–]internalwaffles 0 points1 point ago

Hah my art teacher showed me this picture. With the same caption... Mrs. Steiner!?

[–]robbotsdead 1 point2 points ago

The media is taking this gay stuff to far

[–]Ram64 0 points1 point ago

"The Man with Two Brains," anyone?

[–]striped5weater 0 points1 point ago

Thought I recognized that newslady.. DC Area ftw

[–]herebezombies 0 points1 point ago

she looks like she just got BUTTSTABBED!

[–]MHdaJuiceman 0 points1 point ago

This is my hometown....

[–]hooizyoo 0 points1 point ago

Even the anchorwoman looks shocked about it, and she probably already read the story before going on the air.

[–]Omegatron64 0 points1 point ago

The woman's face makes this so much better.

[–]Kidoppay 0 points1 point ago

Where life imitates Cyanide & Happiness....

[–]JoveX 0 points1 point ago

[–]lindsallyce 0 points1 point ago

There's a foot stabber at the University of Kentucky, preying on people in the library.

I guess that's what happens when we go barefoot all the time.

[–]Ghost255932 1 point2 points ago

My butt is restless...

[–]thunderimmortal 0 points1 point ago

i'm pretty sure that there is already a redditor using this name

[–]Shortstack031 0 points1 point ago

Thank god she is on our side.

[–]UglyKid95 0 points1 point ago

Judging from the expression on her face, I'm guessing she was a victim.

[–]AndSoItWasWritten 0 points1 point ago

Where is Shitty_Watercolor on this?

[–]professorfox 0 points1 point ago

GADAHFI'D!!!!

[–]CTDem 0 points1 point ago

Tosh.0's Gaddafi challenge took awhile to catch on I see.

[–]jpomnapalm 0 points1 point ago

"How many butts am I gonna have to cut before you people realize not to be dummies?"