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1418
1419

Keep rubbing it! (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by somuchoriginal

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[–]pseudoserious 205 points206 points ago

I used to have cat tail fights with my friends. Like a pillow fight, but with exploding fluff upon impact!

[–]portablebiscuit 145 points146 points ago

We would do the same until one of us discovered that if you roughed up the end, and lit it on fire, they became a medieval siege weapon.

That was a game-changer.

[–]manbroken 36 points37 points ago

I've already built a trebuchet, but now you tell me all I've needed was cattails.

Well, I'm off to the pond with my lighter!

[–]lXaNaXl 44 points45 points ago

"Man burns down pond with lighter"

[–]TechnologyFetish 14 points15 points ago

"There were no survivors." - Morbo

[–]xmashatstand 5 points6 points ago

You. I like you.

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      [–]YogurtShaker 112 points113 points ago

      there were TONS of cattails growing behind my school, and you could reach them through the gate. I am extremely upset that none of my friends nor I ever figured this out :(

      [–]x---x--x-x 35 points36 points ago

      You should instead be proud that none of you masturbated cattails.

      [–]evolvish 5 points6 points ago

      I never had them explode in fluff before.

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        [–]savethefails 36 points37 points ago

        I did this with my brother and sister every year. The whole street would be covered in fluff.

        [–]MrSamsonite 31 points32 points ago

        Are you Bolivian?

        [–]savethefails 27 points28 points ago

        Canadian, sorry.

        [–]Kazell 80 points81 points ago

        Canadian, sorry.

        Canadian status: confirmed.

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            [–]ooNegativeONEoo 7 points8 points ago

            As did we, but did you ever get them to explode like this? This is a first for me, my mind is a bit blown. We would just kinda twist them to make a break in the middle and then toss them. Made a bit of a mess, but nowhere close to this.

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              [–]mohaukachi 1237 points1238 points ago

              Your title is better than mine, but that's still my hand and trashcan, you gif sniping cunt! Proof, Also proof

              edit: After chatting with the OP, I learned he x/posted from 4chan. Circle of life, internet style!

              [–]Koenigspiel 485 points486 points ago

              OP right now

              [–]threela 281 points282 points ago

              We're sorry. http://imgur.com/3xxvu

              [–]mohaukachi 28 points29 points ago

              Meh... life goes on!

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                [–]akcom 38 points39 points ago

                upvote for gif sniping cunt

                [–]Funkydough 42 points43 points ago

                I skipped from video to video and somehow came upon this:

                WTF starts at 3.15, but it's funnier if you watched what came before

                [–]mylittlewords 15 points16 points ago

                um...

                [–]2shotsofwhatever 3 points4 points ago

                You forgot the C.

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                      [–]jonesy852 155 points156 points ago

                      I never thought of spilling my seed straight into the trash before. This will make clean-up much easier.

                      [–]Incanus-Prime 43 points44 points ago

                      I prefer to blow my seed with the wind. But never into or you'll get seeds in your eyes!

                      [–]420TreeHugger 216 points217 points ago

                      Cum Box

                      EDIT: I see I am at -3 points right now. I just want you all to know, I REGRET NOTHING! CUMBOX CUMBOX CUMBOX CUMBOX CUMBOX CUMBOX

                      [–]crashspeeder 62 points63 points ago

                      http://i.imgur.com/9utgk.gif

                      [–]the_winged_one 35 points36 points ago

                      Risky click.

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                        [–]dalittleguy 7 points8 points ago

                        I'm convinced that I lived with cumbox guy. When he moved out he put his desk on the curb and i checked it out cause I needed a desk but when I opened the drawer it had cum all in it and some areas were burnt.

                        [–]Abezilla116 5 points6 points ago

                        I thought the cumdesk was a different story...

                        [–]dalittleguy 2 points3 points ago

                        there was a separate story with a cumdesk??

                        [–]Abezilla116 2 points3 points ago

                        I think so. I remember seeing pictures of a desk with glue-like dried cum all over the inside of the drawers.

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                              [–]m_s_m 2685 points2686 points ago

                              This is Typha Latifolia, commonly known as Cattail. Cattails are used in Latin America in both cooking and traditional medicin.

                              Rubbing the stem, causes the potassium and nitrogen to oxygenate within stored mitochondria chambers, leading to rapid expulsion of collagenous spaces between the xylem and the phloem.

                              The same effect occurs when the plant is subject to high levels of heat. This led to a disaster in Le Paz, Bolivia, 1981. Tens of thousands of Cattail stems were being kept in a massive warehouse when a heatwave caused rapid expansion. Over a hundred workers suffocated when the warehouse was suddenly filled by expanding cattails seeds.

                              Each year, a day of remembrance is held called Día de la Espadaña where adults dress up in traditional factory clothing and children dress up as cattails. The children are then encouraged to attack the adults and beat them with rubber sticks, the adults then runaway and cover themselves with goose fat and anyone not hit by a child is set on fire and sacraficed to their God Urak Misfakunhai.

                              [–]eaturliver 1803 points1804 points ago

                              This was more WTF than the original post.

                              [–]sufferthekids 877 points878 points ago

                              This dude definitely knows his cattails.

                              [–]owenstumor 194 points195 points ago

                              Also, the cattail is known as "the supermarket of the swamp" for all it's viable uses.

                              [–]incidesi 337 points338 points ago

                              Alright, how do I sign up for cattail facts?

                              [–]Cattail_Facts 225 points226 points ago

                              Hello fellow Cattail lover! Thank you for signing up for your daily Cattail Facts!! As a generous first time offer, your first Cattail Fact is on us!

                              Did you know that Cattails are a food source for Canadian geese, muskrats, many insects and stagnant pond snails? Fascinating!!

                              To stop your daily dosage of Cattail Facts, please reply with a comment that yeilds 10000 upvotes.

                              [–]JonathanWarner 117 points118 points ago

                              <10000 upvotes>

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                                [–]ALBINO_ZEBRA 48 points49 points ago

                                r/cattailfacts

                                [–]MrNickDolan 36 points37 points ago

                                /r/cattailfacts

                                [–]Pwag 31 points32 points ago

                                I wanted this to be real.

                                [–]VortixTM 2 points3 points ago

                                Man...

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                                    [–]RandomBystander 110 points111 points ago

                                    Supermarket of the Swamp brand cattails, from the makers of Tuna of the Land brand chicken!

                                    [–]shittycappuccino 16 points17 points ago

                                    I.. I appreciate this.

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                                        [–]gynoceros 115 points116 points ago

                                        Maybe, but I'm pretty sure he's bullshitting us about Bolivia and the festival.

                                        [–]herlovesapony 76 points77 points ago

                                        Thanks for clarifying, I was in the middle of writing a letter to my congressman.

                                        [–]TheEndsOfInvention 33 points34 points ago

                                        To get Día de la Espadaña declared an official federal holiday, I assume.

                                        [–]donkeybrainsify 48 points49 points ago

                                        It's actually quite genius. First give us some solid facts to gain our trust, then fill our minds with rubbish because by then we'll believe anything he says.

                                        [–]gilthanan 9 points10 points ago

                                        All good lies have an element of truth.

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                                          [–]Sollix 11 points12 points ago

                                          Searching "Día de la Espadaña" (with quotes) yields three results, all of which are worded exactly the same as that last paragraph. So yeah, most likely.

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                                            [–][deleted] ago

                                            [deleted]

                                            [–]gattofila 14 points15 points ago

                                            Ok. Which cookies crumble the quickest?

                                            Edit: looks like our resident cookie expert was deleted. :/

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                                              [–]n2610 145 points146 points ago

                                              More WTF Cat-tail action

                                              [–]Thinandbony 50 points51 points ago

                                              That's me!

                                              This was outside our apartment in Centennial, CO. My wife taught me the magic of cattails.

                                              [–]Stalked_Like_Corn 11 points12 points ago

                                              This is verified. You're semi internet famous now TAB!

                                              [–]TheFatKid4Life 44 points45 points ago

                                              Verification #2. :D

                                              [–]Abezilla116 13 points14 points ago

                                              Aaaaand it seems you've gone too far.

                                              [–]webchimp32 2 points3 points ago

                                              And now he'll never be allowed to talk to us again.

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                                                [–]DeathSpank 93 points94 points ago

                                                Eating one...

                                                [–]n2610 26 points27 points ago

                                                A brave, peer-pressured soul.

                                                [–]Perryn 7 points8 points ago

                                                With a cottony, seed-pressured mouth.

                                                [–]violetxrain 21 points22 points ago

                                                Butter 'em up real good. You know how I like it.

                                                [–]b8b 10 points11 points ago

                                                I can't tell if that's a serious vid or a hoax.

                                                [–]utopianfiat 3 points4 points ago

                                                Mimi! Mimi! Where are my cattail pancakes?

                                                [–]dirtydan 2 points3 points ago

                                                Why does the female narrator keep saying KUH-tail? The name of the plant is cattail, you know, like the tail of a cat.

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                                                  [–]MesozoicMan 2 points3 points ago

                                                  ... we just used to beat them on the road so that passing cars would have a smoke trail...

                                                  Obviously I missed out on a rich source of fun.

                                                  [–]dltracrn 50 points51 points ago

                                                  Jim, be sure to butter it up real good, you know how I like it.

                                                  [–]n2610 60 points61 points ago

                                                  That woman is probably one of the most awkward documentary narrators I have ever heard. I could not stop laughing when she said "cattells are the tallest weed known to man, but they are also the yummiest." it's like watching The Room with Cat-tails.

                                                  Edit: had to add- "and oh wow, my mouth sure is watering!"

                                                  [–]UnsureAbsolute 11 points12 points ago

                                                  I wonder why she says it two different ways. First it's k'tails, then cattails.

                                                  [–]thetobester 2 points3 points ago

                                                  I think she might be pulling our cat tails.

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                                                    [–]Roomy 2 points3 points ago

                                                    Don't you mean K-tails? K-tails are by far the yummiest!

                                                    I can't watch that video and not cringe every time she mispronounces cat tail like that.

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                                                        [–]bucksta 20 points21 points ago

                                                        How bout that cattail...does that turn you on? Well it shouldn't...because that's MY CATTAIL.

                                                        [–]perb123 7 points8 points ago

                                                        The end there reminds me of Donnys funeral.

                                                        [–]Kwakashakalaka 25 points26 points ago

                                                        I ain't clickin' that...

                                                        [–]sp00nix 63 points64 points ago

                                                        you're missing out

                                                        [–]Dr_Phry 36 points37 points ago

                                                        It was risky, but worth it.

                                                        [–]saintheels 24 points25 points ago

                                                        It's safe.

                                                        [–]Natalia_Bandita 17 points18 points ago

                                                        i checked it out. its safe.

                                                        fucking wack. I posted my "its safe" comment 5 minutes BEFORE saintheels and he gets all the upvotes. I'm butthurt.....

                                                        [–]themill 10 points11 points ago

                                                        It's safe -- just ridiculous.

                                                        [–]Epic_baconnage 2 points3 points ago

                                                        That was kind of cool.

                                                        [–]brotein-shake 1 point2 points ago

                                                        I have lived across the street from an army of cattails my whole life and have never known you could do this..

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                                                          [–]MichaelDRennie 38 points39 points ago

                                                          Yes, yes it was, but...

                                                          [–]IloveaMILF 23 points24 points ago

                                                          Asphyxiation by cattail fluff is definitely a wtf death.how do you tell their next of kin?

                                                          [–]NorwegianPearl 24 points25 points ago

                                                          As far as I can tell this is just really elaborate and completely made up. Good piece of writing though.

                                                          I'm referring primarily to the historical aspect of the post. I don't know or care enough about the biology to verify that, but I don't recall plants even having collagen.

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                                                            [–]hdcs 592 points593 points ago

                                                            Honorary membership to r/shittyscience has been granted.

                                                            [–]dubblechrisp 156 points157 points ago

                                                            /r/shittyaskscience

                                                            [–]pixelObserver 17 points18 points ago

                                                            funny when shitty-ask-science enters the REAL world..... kind of like THE ONION...

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                                                              [–]Garizondyly 527 points528 points ago

                                                              First paragraph- Interesting!

                                                              Second paragraph- this guy knows his stuff.

                                                              Third paragraph- okay, okay, wait a minute...

                                                              Fourth paragraph- rolls eyes

                                                              Still very funny!

                                                              [–]WeLoveKanjimari 248 points249 points ago

                                                              It took me until this comment to realize it wasn't true.

                                                              :(

                                                              [–]MayorEmanuel 182 points183 points ago

                                                              If it wasn't for the human sacrifice at the end I would have believed it.

                                                              [–]SeisGurl9 22 points23 points ago

                                                              Still sold on the children beating the adults eh?

                                                              [–]SycoJack 22 points23 points ago

                                                              Yes, because it actually happens in some places.

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                                                                [–]CorneliusTumblecunt 65 points66 points ago

                                                                Those crazy Bolivians with their silly hats and ritual immolation sacrifices...

                                                                [–]nude_lunch 16 points17 points ago

                                                                lol foreigners are so wacky!!!

                                                                [–]KillerHoggle 17 points18 points ago

                                                                Wait, what? It wasn't true?

                                                                [–]hymenoxis 56 points57 points ago

                                                                The goose fat and sacrifice thing pretty much did it for me. I mean goose fat's not cheap, nor easy to come by.

                                                                [–]Gregsbe 37 points38 points ago

                                                                Sacrifice on the other hand...

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                                                                  [–]baltakatei 2 points3 points ago

                                                                  The part about cat tails expanding into fluff is true.

                                                                  Video!

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                                                                      [–]Verblocity 255 points256 points ago

                                                                      You sir, are a true artist.

                                                                      [–]m_s_m 370 points371 points ago

                                                                      I am a botanist. Do not demean my art.

                                                                      [–]philosofinch 46 points47 points ago

                                                                      Botanist? Typha latifolia then, no? Wouldn't be so picky otherwise. We call them bulrushes here in England.

                                                                      [–]Sluisifer 3 points4 points ago

                                                                      Yes, if you don't understand this, it's a very basic error that simply wouldn't be made by a serious botanist, systematist, etc.

                                                                      Latin names have a very strict convention where you capitalize the genus and leave the species uncapitalized. While it seems pedantic, it's a very odd error to make because of how ubiquitous this convention is, and how often you use latin names.

                                                                      Also, the stuff about the nitrogen, potassium, and mitochondria are pure BS, in case that wasn't obvious.

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                                                                        [–]play3393 15 points16 points ago

                                                                        ...you're calling it an art yourself. Are you confused?

                                                                        [–]Definitely_a_bot 10 points11 points ago

                                                                        Doubtful. Plenty of scientists start to think of their profession as an art. The illusion that all of science is devoid of unaccounted for human influence/bias is fantasy. Better to call the most experienced scientists artists - more honest.

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                                                                          [–]dick_long_wigwam 14 points15 points ago

                                                                          You sir, are a true artist.

                                                                          I am a botanist. Do not demean my art.

                                                                          I don't follow.

                                                                          [–]m_s_m 62 points63 points ago

                                                                          Artistes do not follow. They lead.

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                                                                            [–]BrownNote 36 points37 points ago

                                                                            I kept checking your username to see something like "gradual_shittyaskscience"

                                                                            [–]kolossal 43 points44 points ago

                                                                            It's LA Paz, Bolivia. Not Le Paz.

                                                                            [–]goatsonfire 89 points90 points ago

                                                                            Nice, you caught the inaccuracy in the comment. It was well hidden.

                                                                            [–]ehwhyowhynot 9 points10 points ago

                                                                            Every high class troll is required to leave a hint. It's in the manual.

                                                                            [–]Mit3210 29 points30 points ago

                                                                            I wish they didn't do that Los Angeles spinoff, and put more effort into the original Paz series.

                                                                            [–]fantasticthrowaway_ 4 points5 points ago

                                                                            Le Pez?

                                                                            [–]Frankie_Carbone 111 points112 points ago

                                                                            Ohh it's a cattail....that explains why it's on reddit. Dogtails get no upvotes here

                                                                            [–]averdonitis 11 points12 points ago

                                                                            Horsetails?

                                                                            [–]SIMAFOL 5 points6 points ago

                                                                            Ducktales?

                                                                            [–]Bwob 9 points10 points ago

                                                                            Wooo-oooh!

                                                                            [–]imlost19 10 points11 points ago

                                                                            horsecocks?

                                                                            [–]JmjFu 26 points27 points ago

                                                                            /r/PicsOfHorseDicks?

                                                                            [–]ElfieStar 22 points23 points ago

                                                                            deaddove.jpg

                                                                            [–]HORSECOCK_ENTHUSIAST 11 points12 points ago

                                                                            Should be a default subreddit by now

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                                                                              [–]TentacleSpam 14 points15 points ago

                                                                              /r/ClopClop

                                                                              [–]Steve_the_Scout 6 points7 points ago

                                                                              Wrong. See JmjFu's comment. He knows his shit.

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                                                                                      [–]portablebiscuit 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                      ITT: Gullibles.

                                                                                      [–]Shkrelic 48 points49 points ago

                                                                                      Do you mind if I submit this to Mythbuster to have them do a test?

                                                                                      [–]Hageshii01 26 points27 points ago

                                                                                      I only started squinting my eyes when I hit the "where adults dress up in traditional factory clothing" part.

                                                                                      [–]SiddTheNayak 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                      I'm not exactly sure where the truth ended and the exaggeration started...

                                                                                      [–]Orimos 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                      Each year, a day of remembrance is held called Día de la Espadaña where adults dress up in traditional factory clothing and children dress up as cattails. The children are then encouraged to attack the adults and beat them with rubber sticks, the adults then runaway and cover themselves with goose fat and anyone not hit by a child is set on fire and sacraficed to their God Urak Misfakunhai.

                                                                                      You had me going there for a minute...

                                                                                      [–]stefmor90 21 points22 points ago

                                                                                      The children are then encouraged to attack the adults and beat them with rubber sticks

                                                                                      Wat.

                                                                                      [–]DrGnz0 53 points54 points ago

                                                                                      But lighting people on fire didn't phase you?

                                                                                      [–]mrducky78 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                      Dildos, the children beat the adults with dildos.

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                                                                                        [–]Kiliki99 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                        Actually, growing up with a pond in the backyard where cattails grew we did have cattail fights as kids. We would break them off and bop each other on the head and back which caused the cattails to shred and shed the seeds as fluff. Made a mess and we had to brush everything off before Mom would let us back in the house.

                                                                                        [–]Shkrelic 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                        Can I have a link or an article to the disaster details?

                                                                                        [–]skinniegenes 136 points137 points ago

                                                                                        You sir, have been taken by fiction.

                                                                                        [–]dbeezy313 66 points67 points ago

                                                                                        the joke.

                                                                                        his head.

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                                                                                          [–]acog 25 points26 points ago

                                                                                          So you seriously believe there was a disaster that is commemorated each year by a ritual that climaxes in human sacrifice in modern day Bolivia? Please tell me you don't vote.

                                                                                          [–]EYEheartDOUG 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                          Disaster sounds plausible. Commemoration no.

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                                                                                              [–]Penisingpenisberry 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                              If someone told me that today I would watch Typha Latifolia masturbation with oxygenated potassium and nitrogen, I would have asked them how long have I been logged into reddit.

                                                                                              [–][deleted] ago

                                                                                              [deleted]

                                                                                              [–]stb14808 262 points263 points ago

                                                                                              Oh, c'mon. That was easy to read. This is what convinces me Reddit is filled with 12 year olds. (Not saying that there's anything wrong with that. It's just nice to be aware that so many people can't read a simple 3 paragraphs).

                                                                                              [–]vocaltalentz 25 points26 points ago

                                                                                              I think a lot of people make comments like "I know some of these words" to be funny. I mean, it is kind of funny to me for some reason. Not like laugh out loud funny, but like "Hah. That's silly and it amuses me." I feel weird explaining this now.

                                                                                              [–]Pit-trout 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                              I mean, I find it funny when it fits — when it’s in response to a comment that genuinely used a lot of scientific or otherwisely high-falutin’ language in a confusing way. But here, you don’t need to know anything special to understand the comment. All you need is to love Jesus.

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                                                                                                [–]thebross9 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                "Yeah! Science bitch!" - Jesse Pinkman/ everyone else in this thread

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                                                                                                  [–]MestR 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                  and anyone not hit by a child is set on fire and sacraficed to their God Urak Misfakunhai.

                                                                                                  God damn it you got me!

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                                                                                                    [–]EleventyTwo 433 points434 points ago

                                                                                                    TIL you can help a plant masturbate.

                                                                                                    [–]Garizondyly 263 points264 points ago

                                                                                                    Plants can help you, too, if you're into that.

                                                                                                    [–]racecaracecaracecar 65 points66 points ago

                                                                                                    Not that there's anything wrong with that.

                                                                                                    [–]distopiandoormatt 88 points89 points ago

                                                                                                    Nobody mention the cactus pic....

                                                                                                    [–]smashedfinger 53 points54 points ago

                                                                                                    you just did, you fool!

                                                                                                    [–]distopiandoormatt 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                    Shit.... Eh... Move along nothing to see here.

                                                                                                    [–]skinny_whale 15 points16 points ago

                                                                                                    What cactus pic? EDIT: doens't matter found it.. :(

                                                                                                    [–]EYEheartDOUG 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                    picture of a man with a cactus up his as. no joke. front page the other day.

                                                                                                    [–]Abezilla116 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                    And nobody's fucking sharing. I haven't seen it. Where was it on?

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                                                                                                        [–][deleted] ago

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                                                                                                        [–]sterling_mallory 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                        Oh dear god... NSFW

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                                                                                                            [–]5_Ever 18 points19 points ago

                                                                                                            Don't ever get romantically involved with plants.

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                                                                                                              [–]bigoldirtydick 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                              masturbate a plant and it only masturbates for a day. teach a plant to masturbate and it masturbates for a lifetime.

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                                                                                                                [–]Bacon_Overload 27 points28 points ago

                                                                                                                Cattails, Typha sp.

                                                                                                                [–]universalexpert1 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                                                I am a Winery owner. Cattail insides go into the making and sealing of wine barrels because it doesn't affect the flavor.

                                                                                                                I don't bother making my own barrels, but I'm familiar with the process. Usually kids/young teens would be given a few bucks for each cattail over a certain length. They clip them off, and collect them. The insides are taken out (see image) and then is processed for the sealing of wine barrels.

                                                                                                                One of our suppliers' delivery guys is in his 50s and is missing half a finger. He has been in the wine business his whole life, and he was one of these harvesters, and accidentally clipped off the top half of his finger.

                                                                                                                [–]SnagleBagle 1 point2 points ago

                                                                                                                This is what I came here to find, thanks for the relevant answer :)

                                                                                                                [–]Icantresponded 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                                                I don't know what I just watched

                                                                                                                [–]TheWorkingDead112 12 points13 points ago

                                                                                                                Grew up with Cattails in my back yard, fun as shit to hit with bb and paintball guns

                                                                                                                [–]Jackthebarbour 44 points45 points ago

                                                                                                                https://vimeo.com/channels/staffpicks/48385593

                                                                                                                Enjoy

                                                                                                                [–]Maximus5684 27 points28 points ago

                                                                                                                The poor people with allergies.

                                                                                                                [–]DrDew00 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                That would've made me miserable.

                                                                                                                [–]manbroken 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                                All I kept thinking was that if you were to do that in an American city the police, FBI, and every other federal defense agency would have closed down the area, tested for biological/chemical weapons, then proceeded to search out the "terrorists" responsible and make the cities even more paranoid than before.

                                                                                                                [–]Svorax 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                No one would give two shits if this happened in America.

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                                                                                                                  [–]voyetra8 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                  That was great - thanks for sharing.

                                                                                                                  [–]moving0target 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                  I did a smaller scale version of this in my mother's house when I was a kid. The "hooligan" was promptly found and sentenced.

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                                                                                                                    [–]hardturdbutthurt 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                                                    What the hell is that?

                                                                                                                    [–]massrabbler 20 points21 points ago

                                                                                                                    A cattail, although I`ve never done this before

                                                                                                                    [–]gl77 74 points75 points ago

                                                                                                                    This is a .gif version of a video that was on the front page of /r/videos yesterday.

                                                                                                                    http://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/zy51o/this_is_what_happens_when_you_touch_a_cattail/

                                                                                                                    [–]mindkilla123 41 points42 points ago

                                                                                                                    Some of us don't subscribe to /r/videos because it's loaded with stupid crap that no one wants to see, so we prefer to see a gif that is 5 seconds long as opposed to a 2 min long video.

                                                                                                                    [–]gl77 70 points71 points ago

                                                                                                                    The video I linked to that was posted is 15 seconds long.

                                                                                                                    [–]TomatosauceTheMessia 27 points28 points ago

                                                                                                                    that's just insane

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                                                                                                                      [–]1001mission 23 points24 points ago

                                                                                                                      Yeah, who the fuck has two minutes to watch a video? Damn!

                                                                                                                      [–]zero_armada 25 points26 points ago

                                                                                                                      Ain't nobody got time for that!

                                                                                                                      [–]Seakawn 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                      This is funny, because there's a remote implication that not every subreddit is filled with stupid crap. Are these how jokes work?

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                                                                                                                          [–]Verblocity 34 points35 points ago

                                                                                                                          Is it wrong that I was somewhat aroused by that?

                                                                                                                          [–]TheAetherNet 77 points78 points ago

                                                                                                                          I don't even know anymore

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                                                                                                                            [–]deadfermata 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                            Here is a video of the rubbing in action

                                                                                                                            SFW.

                                                                                                                            [–]johnmcawesome 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                            How has no one here heard of a cattail before

                                                                                                                            [–]Reddit_Always_Right 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                                            ORIGINAL YOUTUBE VIDEO CLICK HERE

                                                                                                                            [–]L4MAT 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                            I'm not even going to lie here. I actually got an erection watching this. Worst part is, it didn't bother me. Hi.

                                                                                                                            [–]ktrixter 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                            October 1:st on Reddit - The day No Fap September ended.

                                                                                                                            [–]PotatoDonki 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                            I'm so fucking confused.

                                                                                                                            [–]ilove_yourmum 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                                            I love that this is a repost from r/gifs. The irony of your username is impressive.

                                                                                                                            [–]HumanVelocipede 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                                            This is a great source for learning to mentally multiply and square 2x2, 2x3, 3x3 digit numbers.
                                                                                                                            http://www.puntlanduc.com/Secrets%20of%20Mental%20Math%20(guidebook).pdf
                                                                                                                            Just scroll down to the right chapter.
                                                                                                                            EDIT:WHOOPS WRONG PLACE. I'll leave it anyway because it's useful/interesting, maybe.

                                                                                                                            [–]lance_cummington 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                                                            My elementary school had patches of cattails on the edge of the playground... The cattail battles were horrible.

                                                                                                                            [–]TomatosauceTheMessia 1 point2 points ago

                                                                                                                            Imagine using that stick as a vibrator.

                                                                                                                            [–]TimeToWander 1 point2 points ago

                                                                                                                            Oh God

                                                                                                                            [–]Forkler 1 point2 points ago

                                                                                                                            OP: "Look what i found on the front page, I'll bet I can repost for mad karma!"

                                                                                                                            Viewers: "Upboats!"

                                                                                                                            [–]hybris12 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                                            /r/popping would probably appreciate this.

                                                                                                                            [–]Seano23 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                            Woah

                                                                                                                            [–]liverpoop 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                            No clue what I saw but it felt dirty.

                                                                                                                            [–]nymphalida 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                            That cattail in Plant vs Zombies totally makes sense now!!

                                                                                                                            [–]MagicManMarty 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                            Hmmm last couple years of my life have been summarized in a gif

                                                                                                                            [–]killaudio66 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                            I'm sure I'll see this gif in the comment section of gonewild pretty soon

                                                                                                                            [–]Evilandlazy 1 point2 points ago

                                                                                                                            Fact, cattail roots can be boiled and served like mashed potatoes.

                                                                                                                            [–]EarthaKittAirplane 0 points1 point ago

                                                                                                                            That's exactly what happened with me and Eartha Kitt.

                                                                                                                            [–]humangirltype 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                            That was IMMENSELY satisfying to watch.

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