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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]JonFawkes 154 points155 points ago

Joke's on you, I fucking love onions

[–]Chachoregard 70 points71 points ago

[–]Ubaralook 22 points23 points ago

This has never been so relevant...

[–]MN_Shayamaladingdong 3 points4 points ago

You should take a trip to Korea. Literally every meal comes with a raw quarter onion on the side.

[–]yakattackpronto 18 points19 points ago

Damn right, a little raw onion on a tortilla chip? Delicious.

[–]scamps1 18 points19 points ago

A little you say? A whole one would be fine then!

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

I am female, and I honestly kinda like onion breath, it's not necessarily sexy, but damn is it delicious.

...I am a disgusting person.

[–]derkrieger 6 points7 points ago

I slice onions up and eat them like a bag of chips. I dont have a problem

[–]eaglextron 1 point2 points ago

Neither do i Brother! I eat onion with anything: Ramen, Potato chip, lay, doritos.

[–]ticktock_likearock 668 points669 points ago

We did this one time in highschool as a light hearted prank. It was supposed to be a "Caramel Apple Eating Contests" but we threw 2 onions in the mix. The whole thing was disrupted with fucking James (who didn't get an onion) was so determined to "win" the contest that he started chomping the fuck out of the apple and managed to finish it before either of the 2 kids with the onion even noticed. The crowd was amazed at his apple chomping abilities and he stole ALL the attention. Fucking James. That kid used to invite himself to lunch with us every fucking day. If you read this now, James... I'm sorry, but you were goddamn annoying back then. You probably still are.

edit: you people are all insane, I just got a thousand messages talking shit about James.

[–]itsIvan 443 points444 points ago

Fuck James.

[–]AMBsFather 190 points191 points ago

My name is James. Fucking James.

[–]Napalm94 123 points124 points ago

Stfu james

[–]aldude3 55 points56 points ago

My middle name is James. All I get out of it is when people try to guess what my middle name is. ;_; Disappointing middle name.

[–]wAsTiNgSp00nZ 38 points39 points ago

My middle name is James as well. I am so disappointed with myself...

[–]jesusinabottle 21 points22 points ago

Middle names that are James bros report in.

[–]SilverContrails 20 points21 points ago

Is this the karma train for people who's middle names are James? I hope I'm still in time.

[–]spangg 14 points15 points ago

My dad's middle name is James. Is that close enough?

[–]one_for_my_husband 11 points12 points ago

My father in law is James! zomg!

edit: My husband says it is actually Jimmy on the birth certificate. Who has a nickname for a name anyway? wtf

[–]2thetrees 15 points16 points ago

My middle name is James. My father is James. My father in law is James. My wife is not my sister. I'm not my own grandpa.

[–]spangg 3 points4 points ago

I have a friend whose name is simply Ty. It confuses me.

[–]francis_goatman 2 points3 points ago

My girlfriend has a nickname as her official name. She gets offended when people don't realize this

[–]SLUT_MUFFIN 6 points7 points ago

Yessir, middle name James reporting in.

[–]toofwis 3 points4 points ago

Slut James Muffin?

You should go by James...

[–]NoSleepForMeEVER 3 points4 points ago

He should go by "slut James" or slutty J... Which ever gets him more bitches

[–]The_king_of_Wizards 2 points3 points ago

James the muffin. That will get him some bitches.

[–]Sarge2015 2 points3 points ago

Middle name James signing off.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]maebo121 1 point2 points ago

My middle name is mae.

[–]MissTheMae 2 points3 points ago

ME TOO! HIGH FIVE!

Such a happening will never occur again, so take it all in, and rejoice. Nice to meet you.

[–]maebo121 2 points3 points ago

Nice to meet you, too.

HIGH FIVE! o/\o

[–]swineiscool 2 points3 points ago

My middle name is Ruark so it always takes about 5 minutes to talk about it and about how to spell it.

[–]aldude3 2 points3 points ago

That is going to be my first born's name.

[–]armedohiocitizen 31 points32 points ago

Fuck James, FUCK YOU JAMES! YOU HEAR ME YOU SOMBITCH

[–]The_king_of_Wizards 7 points8 points ago

I hear you. Although I do not like your statement, I will defend to the death your right to say it.

[–]slazer88 8 points9 points ago

You should at least buy James dinner first.

[–]wolfvision 65 points66 points ago

Jesus Christ, James

[–]ThirdFloorGreg 5 points6 points ago

Jude, Simon, Joses, Salome, Mary.

[–]severus_stark 53 points54 points ago

you need to get it together, james

[–]The_king_of_Wizards 9 points10 points ago

HEY. I have my stuff with me. I just need to know where I'm going.

[–]The_king_of_Wizards 31 points32 points ago

As a James I say now in my defense(everyone named James is really just the same person) that I was very hungry. And that I had no time for mothafucking games.

[–]Foe_Geodude 7 points8 points ago

I forgive you, James.

[–]onedrummer2401 13 points14 points ago

James here, can confirm. Thanks, bro.

[–]The_king_of_Wizards 9 points10 points ago

How's it going me?

[–]onedrummer2401 12 points13 points ago

Well I just had sex with your girlfriend.

[–]ProxyMuncher 18 points19 points ago

Gettin' real tired of your shit, James.

[–]Dinoman979 16 points17 points ago

Fuck you James, Fuck you...

[–]WhatTheFhtagn 16 points17 points ago

We all know an absolute fuckwit called James.

[–]onedrummer2401 15 points16 points ago

...wait a second I don't know any Jameses besides myse- ...oh.(

[–]swwjeff 41 points42 points ago

FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING JAMES!!!I HATE THAT FUCKING FUCK!!!

[–]MiltonFriedmanIsBoss 12 points13 points ago

Hey, watch your fucking language.

[–]ericn1300 9 points10 points ago

fook

[–]wanderso24 7 points8 points ago

Fakkin James

[–]passive_fist 0 points1 point ago

STAMOS!!!!!

[–]Jamesev93 13 points14 points ago

Sorry guys

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 1 point2 points ago

we do not forgive, we do not forget

[–]wowshamwow 11 points12 points ago

James, you fuckwad...

[–]da1hobo 19 points20 points ago

I didn't invite myself. It was my god damn table. You cunts just sat around me.

[–]ILikeWhereThisIsGoin 11 points12 points ago

I know a James that invited himself to dinner with us one day in college. Fucking James.

[–]The_king_of_Wizards 6 points7 points ago

After reading through the replies to this comment, I feel like I am to blame for everything anyone named James has ever done.

[–]xGandhix 6 points7 points ago

Sounds like you need to let go of some baggage.

[–]SwollenPig 19 points20 points ago

This guy is right, he needs to murder James.

[–]03Titanium 5 points6 points ago

With apples.

[–]Isaac_Clarke_Is_Dead 3 points4 points ago

Godamnit James.

[–]hammond_egger 4 points5 points ago

You had one job, James...ONE JOB!!!

[–]Alaskan_Thunder 2 points3 points ago

To be fair, he did do his job. He ate the apple.

[–]virgilturtle 272 points273 points ago

Did this to my stepson 4 years ago. Used a tomato instead of an onion.

He's British. His exact words were "It's a to-mahhh-to!"

Picture three is perfect disappointment.

[–]enigmaurora 169 points170 points ago

He looks so betrayed in that last one. Like "Why did you do that? You were the chosen one"

[–]Crimyote 26 points27 points ago

[–]Davey_Jones 6 points7 points ago

"Why have you done this?!"

[–]memodinosaur 6 points7 points ago

I can't believe you've done this.

[–]Foofnar 33 points34 points ago

Third picture broke my heart.

[–]Frankocean2 9 points10 points ago

You're a horrible human being..

I like you.

[–]shiverBoots 60 points61 points ago

If you do this, be sure to make a real apple for yourself and eat it while handing the onions out. So people feel secure as they grab one.

Edit: Spelling

[–]perfekt_disguize 3 points4 points ago

felling secure is the best way to fell

[–]swineiscool 9 points10 points ago

I knew that was coming eventually..

[–]Mrs_Mojo_Rising 149 points150 points ago

would this also work with billiard balls?

[–]Inaimad 95 points96 points ago

How would you get the sticks in?

[–]pwnerofall 65 points66 points ago

Magic

[–]mcknicker 78 points79 points ago

[–]donpapillon 3 points4 points ago

Buss

[–]GustavoFrings 13 points14 points ago

A drill and some crazy glue.

[–]dan_v_ploeg 4 points5 points ago

won't someone get suspicious when it weighs a wee nit more than an apple?

[–]GustavoFrings 5 points6 points ago

If they don't, they deserve the cracked teeth.

[–]nick-greco 119 points120 points ago

No...

[–]pdmcmahon[S] 66 points67 points ago

It's at least worth a try.

[–]eugenesbluegenes 58 points59 points ago

No.

[–]koolkat347 30 points31 points ago

No.

[–]nixle 29 points30 points ago

No.

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 104 points105 points ago

this thread sounds like every time I try to get laid.

[–]ttifiblog 24 points25 points ago

relevant username

[–]kriken00 33 points34 points ago

Too heavy - too noticable.

[–]Scadilla 17 points18 points ago

I feel you're over estimating the deduction skills of ravenous trick or treaters.

[–]BroadStreet_Bully 90 points91 points ago

I would remember the 1 house that gave my kid a candy apple. I will remember it even better when it turned out to be an onion.

[–]Phlexonance 32 points33 points ago

whatcha gon' do 'bout it?

[–]BroadStreet_Bully 75 points76 points ago

Come back for my treat

[–]WhatImMike 17 points18 points ago

Cocktail...FRUIT!

[–]chachi4965 56 points57 points ago

my house was egged for doing this last year.

[–]NymN_ 38 points39 points ago

Worth it

[–]pwnerofall 9 points10 points ago

Free eggs.

[–]Pratty77 34 points35 points ago

You deserved it

[–]Eaeelil 42 points43 points ago

At least, untill you run into a guy like me.

takes a bite WTF ... hey not bad! continues on

(I used to eat onions like apples as a kid)

[–]krt8090 11 points12 points ago

I used to eat onions like apples as a child too. Until it started giving me heart burn.

[–]onedrummer2401 11 points12 points ago

I started to eat Apples like Onions. In my burgersO.o

[–]random_watercolor 7 points8 points ago

That actually doesn't sound like it would be horrendous.

[–]onedrummer2401 5 points6 points ago

So, when I saw this comment, I thought it was a reply to my other comment saying that Pixar's fictitious new movie would be the sadness level of the first ten minutes of Up, but for the whole movie. I saw this comment and thought, "Hello Satan, welcome to Reddit."

[–]zroele 14 points15 points ago

Doesn't Matter, Had Caramel.

[–]Eluvatar 14 points15 points ago

Cruel and unusual.

[–]ErBarbaRossa 4 points5 points ago

It seems a bit cruel, you know? If I was a little kid and got a caramel-covered onion when I was expecting an apple, I'd find the person who gave me the onion to be a dick. Do you want to be a dick?

[–]EchelonUK 34 points35 points ago

The thought of biting into one of those makes me feel truly sick.

[–]frenzyboard 23 points24 points ago

I like onions. I sometimes eat onion wedges. They're probably one of my favorite vegetables.

I understand they make ones breath less than stellar for the purposes of kissing.

I don't have anyone to kiss though, so I guess it's not really an issue.

[–]Phlexonance 70 points71 points ago

jesus christ, go and take a bite of onion right now, it's not that bad

[–]shaker28 13 points14 points ago

A walla walla sweet covered in carmel sounds delicious.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Vin_The_Rock_Diesel 21 points22 points ago

It's like taking a drink of milk from a cup you thought had water in it. It's fucking awful.

[–]AquaAvenger 13 points14 points ago

and worse the other way around

[–]djdanlib 2 points3 points ago

like when used-to-whole-milk you asks your roommate to pick up a gallon of milk and he buys skim milk... and groggy you doesn't notice until that first bite of cereal

[–]Anaract 86 points87 points ago

am I the only one who would never accept anything not in a store package as a kid? Especially fruit. People put nails and shit in there, everybody was told in school not to accept anything not wrapped.

[–]Quatroking 182 points183 points ago

Where the fuck do you live that people put nails in fruit and hand it out to kids

[–]jasonboom 221 points222 points ago

Paranoidland

[–]armedohiocitizen 37 points38 points ago

That's near Nailinfruitville right?

[–]alkapwnee 23 points24 points ago

Also known as allmenareevilrapesaurusesville.

[–]DonSlice 13 points14 points ago

Amurr'kah

[–]crushthehorns 7 points8 points ago

Comedy Gold, Jerry

[–]DonSlice 2 points3 points ago

Not exactly untrue. America IS Paranoidland.

[–]thats_a_risky_click 0 points1 point ago

Sheltering suburban mothers.

[–]Fuentidos 14 points15 points ago

I know, right? What pussies. Where I'm from they used razors, and we were better off for it.

[–]armedohiocitizen 12 points13 points ago

As kids we actually sought out the razor candy. We are stronger now...so much stronger

[–]Anaract 7 points8 points ago

I've never actually heard of anyone having it happen to them around here, but that's what they always told us in school. Although my dad claims to have known teenagers who would do it

[–]Konstiin 3 points4 points ago

canada. we were never allowed to take apples because razors and nails.

[–]random_watercolor 3 points4 points ago

We were actually warned about this when I was younger as well, after some guy got arrested for putting razorblades inside of chocolate.

[–]icantthinkofagoodnam 4 points5 points ago

I always give them a fresh pineapple and tell them to get off my lawn

[–]DemonstrativePronoun 3 points4 points ago

It was a real fear when I was a kid. People put razor blades in candy and shit. Demented fucks.

[–]TheMagicJesus 4 points5 points ago

It happened like one time in the US. Then everyone freaked out about it.

[–]sam_hammich 14 points15 points ago

IIRC, there's only been one documented case of anything like that happening, and it was a father who did it to his own son.

[–]steve-d 35 points36 points ago

Couldn't someone just take a syringe and inject a Snickers bar through the wrapper with poison? I mean if someone is actually going to fuck with your food, a thin layer of plastic isn't going to stop them.

[–]Alaira314 19 points20 points ago

But that doesn't make sense to the paranoid parents!

[–]not_me_but 11 points12 points ago

I always squeeze the packaging to make sure it holds air.

/paranoiddad

[–]Narmotur 6 points7 points ago

Good thing I put a little dab of glue over the hole to seal it back up then!

[–]Forever_Awkward 14 points15 points ago

Besides, how does that situation even play out? "Oh, here's this thing that you can't exactly put into your little sugar-filled loot sack. You can either hold it awkwardly all night and end up with a sticky hand or eat it on the spot. I want to watch you. I want to see you enjoy it."

[–]Amazon_Ref_Link 4 points5 points ago

That doesn't happen. You think no one would remember the house that was handing out the apples?

[–]Seilgrank 9 points10 points ago

I was wondering the same thing. This seems like it might have been a workable prank a few decades ago, but now? You might as well come up with a clever scheme to tip over all of your neighbors' outhouses.

[–]UnknownArchive 21 points22 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
Halloween is in a couple months, don't forget the best method for trolling the little ones. 3coms 10pts 27dys funny
I know what I'm doing this Halloween! 268coms 1108pts 16dys funny
What Im going to give to 14 yr old street clothed trick or treaters 3coms 0pts 18dys funny
simple but effective troll 1com 5pts 1mo pics
Pure evil 26coms 157pts 3mos WTF
Well, it was one darn good Halloween 1147coms 1945pts 10mos funny
Payback! 0coms 2pts 1mo funny
The Perfect Prank 0coms 14pts 1mo funny

source: karmadecay

[–]cloudeblak 8 points9 points ago

Oh no way! That is so cruel. You would want to hope that there weren't any kids who get this who are deathly allergic to onions

[–]JS4077 7 points8 points ago

I don't think an onion allergy is actually a thing

[–]oznobz 10 points11 points ago

As someone who grew up and couldnt eat onions without losing the ability to breathe, fuck you and all of my friends's moms.

"Oh, thats not a real thing" "Well, I'm just not going to eat then" "That's nonsense!" "Well, do you want to take me to the hospital?"

[–]JrMaynard 3 points4 points ago

It is. Source: you can be allergic to everything.

[–]lkmjoeqwert 12 points13 points ago

1st impression after reading the title... everyone dress up as Muhammad

[–]holdmeimcoming 6 points7 points ago

Tremendous opportunity to be a douchebag.

[–]Slenderpman 6 points7 points ago

Op... You're an asshole

[–]Death_Taco 3 points4 points ago

If you do this...fuck you.

[–]themindlessone 2 points3 points ago

Jokes on you, you're gonna get sued.

[–]OmniaII 3 points4 points ago

Well since I'm allergic to Onions, if I took a bite I'd pretty much projectile vomit, break out in hives... Don't think I'd die. But the guy who gave out apples would spend some time in jail.

But if I went trick or treating, I don't think I'd eat any 'homemade' treats anyway.

[–]snickerpleez 7 points8 points ago

good way to get your house tp'd too.

[–]bam6470 13 points14 points ago

they are going to teleport my house? where?

[–]lazyrivr 2 points3 points ago

Just do it with a Walla Walla Sweet Onion! Some people actually do eat them like apples! (Though I've never been brave enough to.)

[–]Skybakery89 2 points3 points ago

You sadistic bastard!

[–]steezliktheez 2 points3 points ago

Yes it is, be sure to post again before Halloween because I am sure to forget.

[–]mrbak3r 1 point2 points ago

Lets start a bet, how many more times will this be re-posted between now and Halloween? Whats at stake you ask? Nothing.

[–]mage2k 1 point2 points ago

I would commit murder if I bit into one of those expecting apple.

[–]DMo321Boom 1 point2 points ago

Don't do this, that's just a shitty thing to do to a kid. My grandmother would make caramel apples for Halloween and they were awesome! I would be so terribly disappointed getting one of these, thinking it was going to be awesome, then biting into an onion. Total dick move.

[–]Kalmah666 1 point2 points ago

Sad thing: Noone will eat it

the whole Razor Blade/Nails/Needles/Buster sword hidden in em thing...

[–]afcagroo 1 point2 points ago

If you do this and hand them out to unsuspecting little kids, I hope some of them keep the old Halloween traditions alive and respond accordingly.

If someone had done this when I was a kid, eggs and TP for the house would have been the minimum response. Depending on who was in the group, a betrayal of this magnitude might also have generated some rocks through windows.

[–]geeeenie 2 points3 points ago

Caramelized onions!

[–]reddell 2 points3 points ago

Who gives unpackaged candy to kids and who lets their kids eat it? That would have gone immediately into the trash when I was a kid and also will when I have kids.

[–]Unqualified_Opinion 1 point2 points ago

The evil suggested by this pic makes me very very horny indeed.

[–]A_1337_Canadian 3 points4 points ago

Enough. With. The. Fucking. Reposts.

title comnts points age /r/
Halloween is in a couple months, don't forget the best method for trolling the little ones. 3coms 10pts 27dys funny
I know what I'm doing this Halloween! 268coms 1108pts 16dys funny
What Im going to give to 14 yr old street clothed trick or treaters 3coms 0pts 18dys funny
simple but effective troll 1com 5pts 1mo pics
Pure evil 26coms 157pts 3mos WTF
Well, it was one darn good Halloween 1147coms 1945pts 10mos funny
Payback! 0coms 2pts 1mo funny
The Perfect Prank 0coms 14pts 1mo funny

[–]Soffit 3 points4 points ago

You sick son of a bitch! I'll be stealing this idea.

[–]Rhodonite 2 points3 points ago

Do people really give out candy apples on Halloween? I would never take a handmade candy apple from strangers. People are gross, and the guy making them probably jerked off before making them.

[–]Sexy_Rhino 1 point2 points ago

I already know my wife and I are going to fight over this but I am totally doing it.

[–]jw2x -1 points0 points ago

hi-larious!

[–]Pee_Near_Me_Plz 1 point2 points ago

The Caramel Onion. I can see the videos on Tosh.0 now.

[–]GirlWithThePandaHat 0 points1 point ago

That is pure evil... Though it does give me an idea for a sick game. Onion roulette. There is only one onion in a group of apples. And to be fair the person who made them must be blindfolded.

[–]morethanuthinkuare 1 point2 points ago

What a waste of delicious caramel... :(

[–]sid2112 1 point2 points ago

I sent this pic the first time around to my Father who is so excited about doing this! I made him promise to take pictures.

[–]bogdanpol 1 point2 points ago

but....i like onions.

[–]acespace 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only one who actually thinks this looks appetizing? I love eating raw onions and with a bit a salt on these would go a long way. Sounds delicious.

[–]Yunlokzi 0 points1 point ago

I'd eat this, I fucking love onions.

[–]HectorAnonymous 0 points1 point ago

I see this post, and shortly before I saw an /r/askculinary post asking for help with making caramel. Coincidence? I think not.

[–]Killpill 1 point2 points ago

[–]jwjody 1 point2 points ago

Anyone happen to know where that awesome caramel apple recipe is that was posted last year? By the same guy that did the 2am chili recipe?

[–]OBLG 0 points1 point ago

You are a Monster... But I like it

[–]kuj4k 0 points1 point ago

Idk what the opposite of the slowpoke meme is but, if there was one it would be a picture of you.

[–]Occamslaser 0 points1 point ago

If those are vadallias (im sure i spelled that wrong but im lazy)that would actually be tasty.

[–]ShenFu 0 points1 point ago

[–]DemonstrativePronoun 0 points1 point ago

Every time I think about eating a raw onion I think of my grandfather during his WWII deployment. He was a pilot and got stranded somewhere for a month. They survived on onions and jam. Although I never met him, that made me respect him quite a bit more.

[–]elclark94 0 points1 point ago

You're a terrible person...and I like it.

[–]casendilla 0 points1 point ago

So this isn't the tenth time I've seen this on reddit or anything...

[–]SirSummit -1 points0 points ago

what a total bunch of cunt's.

[–]myfrontpagebrowser 1 point2 points ago

Bah, having a friend who is allergic to onions ruins this for me.

[–]emokneegrow 0 points1 point ago

Thats fucked Mr Layhe.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Thanks for the idea MUAHAHAHAHA

[–]Nipe7 0 points1 point ago

Deliciously EVIL!!!

[–]accidentalprancingmt 0 points1 point ago

Awww come on, don't be like that.

[–]abowden 0 points1 point ago

"Please don't forget" six and a half weeks before we need to remember.

[–]Neveragon 0 points1 point ago

You're a bad person for that.