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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]AWH2 576 points577 points ago

96?

[–]Untz234 372 points373 points ago

I won't ask if you don't tell

[–]Way_too_poor 52 points53 points ago

If I tell first, the cats kinda outta the bag, soldier.

[–]saucisse 52 points53 points ago

"Soldier"?!?

[–]smartindumbcircles 23 points24 points ago

so much hurt in that locker

[–]bunnyonfire 6 points7 points ago

These guys can hurt my locker any day. Creeper eyebrow wiggle.

[–]Suddenly_Something 67 points68 points ago

Marine*

[–]travia21 30 points31 points ago

In case Way_too_poor didn't know, Marines aren't soldiers.

[–]kharanos 8 points9 points ago

Being from outside of US, would you please kindly tell me the difference between those two?

[–]AmbulatoryAndroid 10 points11 points ago

Soldiers are members of a land-based military force. It's debateable whether U.S. Marines are soldiers are not, becuase although they are under the Department of the Navy and do perform a maritime and amphibious role, they have been historically and are still most commonly used as ordinary ground forces.

Anyway, the debate is a perculiarly American one, as Royal Marines and other marine corps are routinely called soldiers. In the U.S., it seems to be an extension of inter-service rivalries.

[–]TarmacSTi 18 points19 points ago

US Marine here. It's a proper noun of sorts.

If you're in the Army, you're a soldier.

If you're in the Navy, you're a sailor.

If you're in the Air Force, you're an airman.

If you're in the Coast Guard, you're technically a "Coast Guardsman". We call them Puddle Pirates.

If you're in the Marine Corps, you're a goddamn Marine. You're not "in" the Marine Corps. You ARE a Marine.

But yeah, it stems from inter-service rivalry.

[–]freedumb23 9 points10 points ago

Marines know what proper nouns are??

[–]breakersnap 3 points4 points ago

They only know the one.

[–]BusinessCasualty 24 points25 points ago

Guess that's what they mean by being a power bottom, eh Mac?

[–]Piratarojo 35 points36 points ago

So this is what they mean when they call it being a top...

[–]Kevbot9000 25 points26 points ago

If my terminology is correct, I'm a power top (SFW)

Edit: Added SFW tag

[–]Piratarojo 6 points7 points ago

I'm afraid to click that link at work

[–]opalkadet 3 points4 points ago

Completely safe!

[–]Piratarojo 12 points13 points ago

Phew! I totally got that American Dad joke too

[–]AgentStanSmith 4 points5 points ago

Who are you? How did you get my picture...? I'm watching you...

[–]ExtraCheesed_Buddha 3 points4 points ago

Not as effective, but in a way, safer

[–]Droffats 1 point2 points ago

It's more like Pb

[–]DoubleSuperBuzz 78 points79 points ago

Meanwhile, at the most boring FOB ever...

[–]Corsair857 44 points45 points ago

GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK MARINE!

[–]FaptainAwesome 40 points41 points ago

YEAH, THOSE DECKS WON'T SWEEP THEMSELVES!

Actually, in Iraq they no shit made us police our brass after zeroing our weapons. At a semi-impromptu range that was at the remnants of a FOB, outside the wire. They posted up gun trucks. And made us. Police call...

[–]Spitfire15 27 points28 points ago

Gatta police that fuckin' brass man.

[–]dmukya 2 points3 points ago

If you don't, the locals will, and once it becomes habitual they'll strap an explosive belt on the local.

[–]tomdarch 6 points7 points ago

Non military, so I googled "police brass" - pick up spent bullet casings.

WTF?

[–]yeats26 4 points5 points ago

Yup. If they're real tight ass they'll weigh the brass and if it's under what it should weigh they'll send you out again...

[–]FaptainAwesome 4 points5 points ago

That's what we said too

[–]mcon87 395 points396 points ago

Now I want to see them do it with no clothes on.

...

What? It's like guys liking lesbians.

[–]SirZerty 31 points32 points ago

(nsfw) http://i.imgur.com/3KJwf.jpg Like this? it's the closest I could find, I tried!

[–]Kenster180 2 points3 points ago

That wasn't NSFW enough :(

[–]Gimli_The_Dwarf 69 points70 points ago

Freakin' twenty years of asking women to make out with each other free and clear, and now it's all coming back to bite us.

[–]FickleTangent 53 points54 points ago

I think you are vastly underestimating the span of time we have been requesting these things.

[–]Aldenol 9 points10 points ago

Wait until the "Dick or GTFO" comments show up. We must act fast to deter these acts of rebellion.

[–]SarahLoren 95 points96 points ago

Ditto and agreed >D

[–]poptart2nd 63 points64 points ago

>D

wat

[–]crackshot91 66 points67 points ago

SarahLoren is extremely Asian.

[–]Unnatural20 23 points24 points ago

I thought she just worked at Starbucks in Paris.

[–]AcerRubrum 4 points5 points ago

I like to think SarahLoren is a guy holding a very heavy bag of something and fell over in agreement.

[–]hikemhigh 2 points3 points ago

SarahLoren just used memearrows on the letter D.

[–]batcate 48 points49 points ago

This. Mm, marines.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points ago

You make it sound like they're a nutritious part of a balanced breakfast.

Yes I would like two Marines. Over hard. ;)

[–]mcon87 12 points13 points ago

I WISH I could have Marines as part of my balanced breakfast. I'd eat breakfast like 8 times a day.

[–]th0991 2 points3 points ago

As a Marine, I'm okay with this.

I don't think my girlfriend would be, though...

If you see this, I'm only a part of your balanced breakfast.

[–]batcate 7 points8 points ago

the best part of waking up is waking up with a marine.

[–]jessicahonig 33 points34 points ago

Speaking for the females on this website, we agree with this statement.

[–]UnsightlyBastard 20 points21 points ago

As a straight(probably anyway) guy I want the same thing but for different reasons. In a completely non sexual way whenever people are engaged in physically strenuous activity's I find it neat to see which muscles are flexing...

[–]Relvnt_to_Yr_Intrsts 25 points26 points ago

I laughed at the probably. I have a friend who feels the same way and hes only had gay sex once.

[–]Daxx22 19 points20 points ago

Did he want to know what muscles were flexing too?

[–]Relvnt_to_Yr_Intrsts 2 points3 points ago

prior to the sex I think. He was really interested in this guy's muscles and the guy turned out to be gay (or bi or something) and asked him if he wanted to fuck. Friend was like, "Why not? Can't knock it till you've tried it." But I don't think he's done it since, so maybe he didn't like it as much as straight sex.

[–]parksuck 21 points22 points ago

Yes! Someone needs to do this right away. Also, someone should add a brazzers logo.

[–]blackduck158 6 points7 points ago

I'm pretty sure the dude on top is Channing Tatem too.

[–]Raaaaaaaaaandy 5 points6 points ago

Planking: Ace and Garry style.

[–]PoliteFrenchCanadian 14 points15 points ago

I'm sorry but that's the point.

[–]goodguygreenpepper 4 points5 points ago

risky click! Not bad, but not worth the effort.

[–]homohomosapien 102 points103 points ago

Oh god I approve of this so hard.

so hard.

[–]1millionaccounts 24 points25 points ago

I love your account name

[–]homohomosapien 52 points53 points ago

[–]BeerTodayGoneToday 225 points226 points ago

Yeah, that looks gay enough to be Marines.

Source: was in Marines. Has secret inside knowledge of their total gayness.

[–]nyintensity 145 points146 points ago

As a former Marine, I can confirm. Closet gayness permeates the Corps.

[–]CJarrell10 148 points149 points ago

As a currently enlisted Marine, I can also confirm. Gayest group of straight guys you could ever meet.

[–]JstDTip[S] 103 points104 points ago

As a former Marine, there is no closet of gayness... It's all right out in the open.

[–]HolycowLooper 36 points37 points ago

Not gayness, we're just out here bro'ing it out

[–]Serifus 7 points8 points ago

[–]omarsdroog 1 point2 points ago

He played himself.

[–]th0991 2 points3 points ago

This whole section of comments made me happy to see.

As a currently enlisted Marine about to get out, I think I might miss it.

[–]thecarolinelinnae 31 points32 points ago

As a woman who finds military men attractive and who enjoys watching attractive men have sex, this thread makes me happy.

[–]JstDTip[S] 11 points12 points ago

You're welcome;-) lol

[–]Voyageur 8 points9 points ago

Your name is JstDTip...

[–]JstDTip[S] 16 points17 points ago

JstDTip... OF THE SPEAR! JUST LIKE THE MARINES!!! LOL

[–]TrololoFace 9 points10 points ago

[–]JstDTip[S] 1 point2 points ago

HAHAHAHA!

[–]sampurban 3 points4 points ago

as a current Poolee in the Marine Corps awaiting shipment to Parris Island, this worries me and makes me look twice at all the Marines and Poolees around me.

[–]JstDTip[S] 23 points24 points ago

Worry less about them, and more about the sand mites.

[–]EquinsuOcha 6 points7 points ago

FLEAS. SAND FLEAS. SPAWN OF SATAN.

Then again, he could be a Hollywood Marine and never know our pain.

[–]JstDTip[S] 7 points8 points ago

I'm a west cost Marine... BUT spent some time on the island. No thank you.

[–]macp1986 3 points4 points ago

SHHHH.... just let it happen. :)

[–]Erraahh 4 points5 points ago

No one gives a damn about you being a poolee. Still civilian.

[–]dirice87 21 points22 points ago

Never in the marines but friends with some. I don't know what it is with you guys putting your balls or bare asses on stuff. Something to do with base of fire or something.

[–]CJarrell10 15 points16 points ago

I don't know why it happens, but sometimes it does. I haven't been guilty of it (although I was very tempted to put my balls on the headrest of my gunny's chair the other night at work). Something about dominance issues most likely.

[–]npech001 10 points11 points ago

Marine here, gayest branch of the military bar none.

[–]cmdood 4 points5 points ago

As a seaman, this makes me laugh.

[–]wearepog 44 points45 points ago

Not gay if you have combat boots on. Man law.

[–]USMCEvan 8 points9 points ago

Marine here: I can confirm we are the gayest homophobes you'll ever meat.

[–]gigglemonster333 25 points26 points ago

[–]Kraka01 4 points5 points ago

Upvote for relevant Terminal Lance.

[–]Calcularius 2 points3 points ago

I had a x-Marine for a roommate in college. I totally had a crush on him but never did anything ... turns out he was sleeping with the same guy I was.

[–]paleo_and_pad_thai 2 points3 points ago

As a former girlfriend of an deeply in the closet gay who is now a marine, this thread is making me laugh so hard I cry.

....the crying might also be because I was dumb enough to spend 4 yrs with him.

[–]Good_WO_God 54 points55 points ago

His feet are elevated though. Still cool.

[–]Richie311 15 points16 points ago

They're not the same weight as each other like in the marine pic.

[–]NothingShocking 80 points81 points ago

[–]TrimHopp 135 points136 points ago

If that's relevant, than so is this

[–]PotatoMusicBinge 110 points111 points ago

Oh, we're having a relevant thread? I'm in

[–]megustadotjpg 56 points57 points ago

[–]macadactyl 48 points49 points ago

[–]alokococoa 42 points43 points ago

[–]Cptn_Sisko 41 points42 points ago

[–]Bama011 15 points16 points ago

[–]Stareid 6 points7 points ago

Are those his balls showing for a second?

[–]dirice87 7 points8 points ago

Is it weird that I'm actually relieved it turned out to be a dude?

[–]AdmiralSkippy 8 points9 points ago

Do you have the source to that video?

[–]SuspendTheDisbelief 6 points7 points ago

People shouldn't flop like that...

[–]ExLegeLibertas 4 points5 points ago

This entire floor tastes like pain!

[–]PotatoMusicBinge 2 points3 points ago

Don't worry ladies and gentlemen, it's just a concussion

[–]Cptn_Sisko 2 points3 points ago

What the fuck...

[–]GREAT_WALL_OF_DICK 5 points6 points ago

Dude, thank you, that .gif will go perfect with this username.

[–]derpcraft3 3 points4 points ago

are those upvotes coming out of his penis? or the water? either way, these are risky links.

[–]PotatoMusicBinge 5 points6 points ago

Way to spot the upvotes, most people are completely distracted by the enormous wang

[–]CJarrell10 2 points3 points ago

That's the most relevant.

[–]Special_Pal 8 points9 points ago

What an adorably complex ass cuddle.

[–]omega286 2 points3 points ago

The elevation of his feet makes me think that he pushed off the ground in order to take a quick picture. I bet they fell immediately afterwards.

[–]coleosis1414 17 points18 points ago

Or the fact that the other person serves as a counter-weight makes it much easier to keep your legs elevated in a push-up position. Your arms are now the fulcrum of a human teeter-totter.

[–]omega286 2 points3 points ago

You're probably right. That said, I still think it would be incredibly difficult.

[–]Kosbalr 6 points7 points ago

No they actually held it for a good amount of time. Not that my word over the internet matters.

[–]farfigneugan 3 points4 points ago

no, it's more likely for balancing.

[–]Laughguard 36 points37 points ago

[–]thumper242 5 points6 points ago

Instantly reminded of the end of Finding Nemo.

[–]OrangeMonkeyee 39 points40 points ago

if I was gonna be in the military I'd go gay, I'd want someone thinking, I'll save John, johns got a nice ass, fuck steve

[–]ASlyGuy 3 points4 points ago

DON'T CHEAT ON JOHN WITH STEVE!

You'll ruin this entire season of Army Bottoms!

[–]JstDTip[S] 5 points6 points ago

Didn't know being gay was a choice;-)

[–]wazooasiteverwas 3 points4 points ago

It could be.

[–]imagine22jc 43 points44 points ago

this really should be on ladyboners.... like really should be.

[–]gigglemonster333 33 points34 points ago

As a lady with a boner, I can confirm this.

[–]imagine22jc 4 points5 points ago

I am a lady with a boner too. I instantly boned when I saw this. Now if the clothing were removed....

[–]gigglemonster333 4 points5 points ago

Trust me. As a lady engaged to a Marine, it is just as awesome in real life as you are probably picturing it in your head.

[–]bananabananne 61 points62 points ago

Ladyboner.

[–]Varriable 26 points27 points ago

Or just "Being normal, Navy style"

[–]deadwoodsim 73 points74 points ago

You guys make me sleep better at night knowing that 0 to kicking ass happens in less then a second. Thank you

[–]myreaderaccount 12 points13 points ago

Marines are on their way to Libya right now. Wouldn't be the first time on the shores of Tripoli.

[–]Doctor_Sauce 116 points117 points ago

pounding* ass

[–]Hight5 30 points31 points ago

Any port in a storm.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]bitbotbot 23 points24 points ago

weirdestboner.jpg

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]notninja 14 points15 points ago

I am disappointed that the Dell R310 server is not properly on rails in the rack.

[–]autopsi 6 points7 points ago

Don't ever go to Iraq/Afghanistan. You'll be really disappointed.

[–]souter 6 points7 points ago

[–]D508 15 points16 points ago

Damn Marines you scary

[–]zerooftime 6 points7 points ago

incentive to hold plank: facefucking buddy otherwise

[–]candy21101 6 points7 points ago

If I saw this in person I would drop my panties, no questions asked.

[–]epgenius 5 points6 points ago

[–]elementalrain 5 points6 points ago

To all the other women (like me) who swoon over the uniform... I recently discovered that /r/MilitaryMen exists.

[–]Xarif 2 points3 points ago

cirque du soleil does it better

[–]the_hardest_part 3 points4 points ago

There's a Cirque du Soleil act like this, but with a guy and girl.

Quidam

[–]2773625 2 points3 points ago

YUT!!!

[–]Jumpin_Joeronimo 7 points8 points ago

Nice, my friend and I taught ourselves how to do this. This was at the Philly Art Museum.

[–]fenikz 7 points8 points ago

You call that 'Marine style'. I call that 'acrobatic cuddling'.

[–]nyintensity 4 points5 points ago

Fuckin' data Marines

[–]supadupafresh31 1 point2 points ago

cirque du sol....dier??

[–]pnogg 3 points4 points ago

Friends made a video on bro planking a while back http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa6iETWqzds

[–]MustLoveVaginas 1 point2 points ago

No Homo

[–]loleyta 4 points5 points ago

Oh my. I'll be in my lady bunk

[–]pingpongaffair 2 points3 points ago

Ladyboner activated.

[–]NullKarmaException 10 points11 points ago

At first I wasn't impressed, I thought it was just one guy doing a pushup with another guy half on his back. Then I saw one guys feet were off the ground, and was like "Whoa." Then I saw the OTHER guys feet off the ground, and was like "Whoa."

[–]mx- 2 points3 points ago

it's called a planche pushup

[–]andersonb47 8 points9 points ago

There's a DADT joke to be made here. I'm sure of it...

[–]OnlyTwoPlanks 6 points7 points ago

my name is relevant. weird.

[–]bozobozo 11 points12 points ago

OOH-Fucking-RAH!!

[–]actuallythatwasme 14 points15 points ago

Yes, especially fucking.

[–]Grizmeer 2 points3 points ago

Navy style is NSFW.

[–]HardBoiledDragonite 2 points3 points ago

I find this to be a worthy and valuable cause. One that will prove to be a valuable allocation of government funds. I, for one, approve.

[–]Ovurix 2 points3 points ago

I'm not saying that's sexy, but if the boner police are around, I want a lawyer.

[–]IamSpiders 0 points1 point ago

Planking Level: Marine *

FTFR (Fixed That for Reddit)

[–]Entandra 2 points3 points ago

[–]simbac 4 points5 points ago

still a better love story than twilight ha HAHa

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]great_gape 6 points7 points ago

Don't ask Don't tell

[–]JstDTip[S] 19 points20 points ago

Got repealed, now it's ok lol.

[–]AssCon 3 points4 points ago

Post this to /r/photoshopbattles and have yourself a fun time

[–]walrus_0311 1 point2 points ago

Nasty pogues. It's thursday night; get off reddit and go field day.

[–]Expodryerase 3 points4 points ago

POOOOOOGS!

[–]johnestep72 1 point2 points ago

Extreme tea-bagging?

[–]yingking0203 0 points1 point ago

I started taking a yoga class about a month ago and now whenever I see anything with "plank", I think of the bitch of a yoga pose...

[–]CrispyJoe 0 points1 point ago

Where I come from, that ain't planking!

[–]doodlecakes 0 points1 point ago

I love how the hat's set down to the side, indicating that this really was spur of the moment.

[–]mthslhrookiecard 0 points1 point ago

I swear to god I know the guy on top...

[–]USMCEvan 1 point2 points ago

I'll take "Excuses I've used when my parents walked in on me having anal sex with people I just met" for $500, please, Alex.

[–]AllMustSuffer 0 points1 point ago

The back of his head doesn't ask or tell.

[–]origibanality 1 point2 points ago

don't ask. don't plank.

[–]Currently_SitB 0 points1 point ago

What'd you do today? Oh nothing, just lifted my brother.

[–]DutchJester 0 points1 point ago

Aaaaand I feel pathetic...

[–]Nukemarine 0 points1 point ago

Showed this to a guy at work. He called it bro-planking

[–]sarfreer -1 points0 points ago

On a related note, my course mate took a picture of me planking on a MK-84 (2000lb bomb)...Sergeant deleted it. Thus ending the most anti-climactic plank in history.

[–]nexus_5 0 points1 point ago

From you?

[–]Wulfguy 0 points1 point ago

This mildly turned me on.

[–]seainhd 0 points1 point ago

you bozos!

[–]Bearpoops 1 point2 points ago

Can't a man just admire another man's strength?

[–]10twentyseven 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit

[–]nexxusoftheuniverse -1 points0 points ago

gay style?

[–]B_Fick 0 points1 point ago

Dont ask, Dont tell

[–]ForgotMyPasswordDude 1 point2 points ago

This gave me a boner.

[–]Awkward_Lubricant 0 points1 point ago

Teabagging, Marine style.

[–]Astro493 0 points1 point ago

God that's hot.