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It's your movie, not theirs. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by spencer_

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[–]notaLAC 149 points150 points ago

Sums up the problem with Facebook

[–]fistfullaberries 46 points47 points ago

I have and old friend on facebook who runs and adult film business and is constantly posting pictures of himself with huge bundles of cash and random females draped over him. He messages me once in a blue moon and always tells me how depressed and suicidal he is. It's really weird.

[–]C_IsForCookie 14 points15 points ago

I'm a 24 year old guy, have a Bachelors degree (from a real university), amazing health insurance and aside from a non-debilitating cyst in my arm healthy and resilient as fuck, drive a $50,000 sports car, live in a 4000 sq ft house, go out every night with a different group of friends, have had relationships, and have the option of quitting my job at any time and having all my bills paid for me if I choose (I won't, though). People tell me they're jealous of me a lot (I'm not bragging, just giving context).

I'm in a lot of pain emotionally and while I'm not going to do it I think about killing myself a lot because I know I'm going to wake up with the pain again tomorrow and don't want to. There are many nights I have to drink just to fall asleep. I was at work a few weeks ago and just broke down crying 2 days in a row when nobody was looking. The thought of death relaxes me because it's the most tranquil thing I can imagine.

Sometimes the people that seem like they have everything are the saddest you know.

[–]csspeedbump 5 points6 points ago

Why do you feel sad?

[–]C_IsForCookie 6 points7 points ago

Bunch of reasons. I could elaborate but it would be a long page of text. To generalize I had an emotionally abusive childhood, I'm distant from everyone I know because I can't get close to or trust anyone, and my failed relationships play a BIG part as well. I feel alone ALL THE TIME. I have an inability to cope with my problems as well as most people because I was so sheltered when I was younger and I have extreme anxiety on a constant basis. I don't feel loved at all even though I'm told that I am. I love the people I should hate and hate the people I should love. I push everyone away and I can't help it, making me feel even more alone.

I don't know if this explains it very well but I have trouble putting my thoughts down because there's so much trying to come out at once. There's more I'm just not getting into.

I don't like telling people WHY I'm always so sad because I'm always told that my problems are trivial making me hurt even more because I can't understand why I'm in so much pain if it's all so trivial. For this reason I stopped talking to anyone about it a long time ago.

Most of the stuff I have and things I do (all the things my friends are jealous of) are attempts to compensate for my depression. It doesn't help, btw.

[–]griminald 4 points5 points ago

I don't like telling people WHY I'm always so sad because I'm always told that my problems are trivial

Anyone who says that to you is a sad human being, and they likely tell you that because of their jealousy over the rest of your life -- some of them may even think, "I'd take his problems if it'd get me his financial success".

Some may also be secretly happy that someone more successful than them is "paying a price" for that success, as if it excuses their mediocrity.

Therapists, however, do not hold such judgments, and would help you focus on your feelings instead of your friends which only project their feelings onto you.

[–]Fatalcraft 1 point2 points ago

Just because someone's suffering is different doesn't mean it is greater.

[–]C_IsForCookie 1 point2 points ago

I've been to therapists. They try to help but I feel as if their advice is canned for everyone who walks through the door. None of them ever hit the root of any problem and I always got the feeling I was talking to my mom like they all just told me "don't worry it'll be alright" for an hour and then I just felt shitty again after I left the office. I got sick of going to therapist after therapist trying to find one that would help. And it's expensive.

And the last person to make me feel like my problems were trivial was my dad. He insisted on talking to me about why I was upset one day and then proceeded to tell me he gets upset sometimes too but he doesn't go around feeling like shit about it. That was his advice.

[–]griminald 1 point2 points ago

They try to help but I feel as if their advice is canned for everyone who walks through the door.

Yes, what therapists do is sort of following a formula, but that's by design. Their primary purpose is to get you talking about deeper and deeper things so you can uncover the root of a problem yourself -- as opposed to them getting to the root of the problem for you.

That said, an incompatible therapist can certainly make a person feel useless, and many of them do exist.

I went thru a 5-year long bout of depression myself, and it's really tough because to clear the pain from our hearts, we have to process that pain instead of wishing it gone -- and I had a lot to process.

For me, I learned to ask myself "why?" at least 4 times. Why do I feel lonely? Because I don't go out. Why? Because I like a lot of me time. Why? Because I feel uncomfortable in a crowd. Why? Because I'm afraid I won't fit in. Why? Because I don't feel I bring enough value to a friendship. Why? Because I sit around most of my free time playing video games.

I can actually go a few more "Why's" deeper, but you get the idea; every "why" unearths a deeper issue, and with it brings deeper anxiety that's really me "processing" the pain.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]C_IsForCookie 0 points1 point ago

I've been to a lot of therapists. It never did much for me once I was out of the office. A lot of them tried putting me on pills but those didn't do anything but sedate me.

[–]OhGodKillItWithFire 1 point2 points ago

This is a long shot, but my wife had/has a lot of issues that she couldn't seem to deal with and move past (similar to yours). She went to tons of therapists/psychiatrists, was misdiagnosed as bi-polar, etc. Turns out she is truly ADHD and it was destroying her ability to slow down her brain, so she was just driving herself crazy 24/7 (even when sleeping... nightmares constantly, etc). Her current psychiatrist put her on Adderall and it is seriously a night-and-day difference. She can actually deal with life now, whereas before she was thinking about suicide to the point that I had a hard time going to work because I was afraid that she might finally do it. She's dealing with her issues that she's never been able to confront before. No idea what your mindset is like, but I wanted to relate her story in case you may be suffering from undiagnosed ADHD!

[–]C_IsForCookie 0 points1 point ago

Yes! I've actually been diagnosed with ADHD(!) and feel all the time that because of it my mind is constantly working on overload making it all worse and overbearing. I also have nightmares every night, always have, and I know it's related to the depression because I dream of the things that upset me during the day. They wake me up sometimes and I have bad insomnia. We've just never connected the ADHD as the cause of my problems, just always figured they amplified my lack of coping a bit and nothing more. I relate to this so much you have no idea, and it's amazing to hear! I don't want to take any more anti depressants because I feel like they're not what I need, but the Adderall may be a very viable option that I never considered.

Thank you so much for saying this!! I'm going to discuss it with someone and see if this helps. Also, I'm glad your wife is doing better. It's a very rough thing to deal with.

[–]actuallytrue 1 point2 points ago

i don't know why but your response teared me up. would be really nice if this helps you. good luck!

[–]C_IsForCookie 1 point2 points ago

Thanks! I actually went to a psychiatrist about a week and a half ago and she got upset when I told her I looked anything up and asked her about AHDH or Adderall. She seemed insulted that I was suggesting anything. I went to her because she's the same doctor my brother goes to. Anyway, she prescribed me Zoloft and I feel a bit less anxious but I still have that feeling that my mind is constantly over thinking and over analyzing everything and the anxiety isn't gone. She said once the Zoloft is through my system we could look into and try something for the AHDH. I was thinking that I want to just try the Adderall but then again I'm not a doctor so I'm going to take it slow and hopefully try both and see which helps better.

[–]actuallytrue 1 point2 points ago

this really pisses me off. i don't understand doctors. when are they going to get off their high horse and realize the power of the internet. when i had a severe prostatitis flare i was given huge amounts of antibiotics and it didn't do shit. the only things that helped was stuff i got off of forums. definitely give the adderall a try and maybe seek another psychiatric consultation. and don't give up hope:)

[–]OhGodKillItWithFire 1 point2 points ago

Not that I would advocate illegal dealings or disregarding your idiot doctor's advice, but college students eat that stuff like candy. You may know someone that can get you some to try; 10mg 1 or 2x per day for just two days will tell you if it's the right thing for you. Definitely wait for the Zoloft to get out of your system, though.

[–]alaskamiller -1 points0 points ago

Because he feel fake.

[–]pokie6 1 point2 points ago

You two should do a work exchange program getting the best of two worlds, eh?

[–]sweetmojaveraiin -2 points-1 points ago

100% this

[–]runean 4 points5 points ago

Apparently putting "100%" in front makes posting "This." okay.

No, really. Stop it. I don't mind it much, but it's entirely useless and against reddit-wide rules.

[–]sweetmojaveraiin 1 point2 points ago

sorry for ruining your internet experience

[–]runean 1 point2 points ago

I'm not trying to be a dick mate. Just clearing up rules.

[–]ntorotn -5 points-4 points ago

Apparently putting "Apparently putting "100%" in front makes posting "This." okay." in front makes posting "No, really. Stop it." okay.

[–]shaurz 1 point2 points ago

My head a-splode.

[–]feigndad -2 points-1 points ago

well, one problem with facebook :) Now I just post my blooper reel outtakes and we can all laugh.

[–]whoopassman 42 points43 points ago

My ex had some real self esteem problems and confidence issues and would frequently compare herself to others in a negative way. Ended up telling her this quote and while she certainly didn't make am immediate change, she really took it to heart. Love this quote

[–]Unckmania 0 points1 point ago

Leaving her must have been difficult

[–]whoopassman 23 points24 points ago

Not sure if sarcastic or not... But if you aren't being sarcastic, yes it was. But we went our separate ways for a little and ended up becoming good friends. I'm dating someone else now but she and I still maintain a strong frienship

[–]Anonazon2 0 points1 point ago

That kind of emotional baggage takes a while to unpack. Now she'll remind herself whenever she has that feeling again and eventually the weight will be gone.

[–]RICH_LITTLE 80 points81 points ago

Man, that's a good quote.

[–]jared030858 18 points19 points ago

Dude shit. You think all your friends are getting laid all the time, and you're not getting it every night like them. Maybe..your friends aren't getting laid every night...o.O

[–]CookieMan0 4 points5 points ago

And maybe the girls they're with aren't very good.

[–]Fleshate 2 points3 points ago

Maybe the girls aren't even girls!

[–]sputty 0 points1 point ago

What exactly IS a girl, anyway? I have never seen any of them in the wild.

[–]Fleshate 0 points1 point ago

You know those less hairy guys with higher voice, and who usually wear make up? Those are girls!

[–]mossman85 13 points14 points ago

I felt like my entire day has been a waste up until I read this quote.

[–]alkalinelito 0 points1 point ago

Days? Try years, since I finished college the only thing I do is work

[–]optimister 33 points34 points ago

This is a good insight but OP's title doesn't do it justice. The point is not about whose movie you are watching, it's about the special vantage point we all have when it comes to watching our own. When it comes to evaluating other people, all we have to go on for the most part are the appearances, we don't get to see their personal cutting-room floors and out-takes.

A better title would have been something like: "You are not your blooper reel", or "Stop editing yourself to death"

[–]Quazifuji 35 points36 points ago

It's like when you see a musician give an absolutely amazing performance, and then you talk to them afterwards and they start talking about this one mistake they made during one part. No one else even noticed - as far as everyone in the audience was concerned, the whole thing was a perfect demonstration of skill and artistry. But the musician is just hung up on the mistake they made.

Everyone's like that musician. We see all our mistakes. We know every little thing we've done wrong, all the stupid thoughts we've had, and just feel like complete idiots. But no one else notices most of them, because half of those things they can't even detect and the other half they miss because they're too focused on their own stupid little mistakes.

[–]galile0 0 points1 point ago

Damn. That makes total sense...

[–]feigndad 0 points1 point ago

Most of my friends have at least tried music or fabric (weaving, embroidery, etc) and I point out this or the difference between being up and close with the project versus standing five feet back.

[–]Sammzor 3 points4 points ago

I hate seeing life as a movie. I spend too much thought on what my life must look like to others instead of just living it.

[–]spencer_[S] 3 points4 points ago

True point. I was going more for the fact that it doesn't matter what someone else's tale might appear to be since it doesn't tell the whole story (nor does it apply to you either), but a different title probably would have gone a longer way.

[–]optimister 1 point2 points ago

Well, I'm grateful for your posting it all the same. It's a very clear and powerful insight into a fairly complex issue.

edit:

it doesn't matter what someone else's tale might appear to be since it doesn't tell the whole story

True, although sometimes those tales are actually quite inspiring, and in those cases, we probably don't want to find out about any sordid details.

[–]saytrue_dotrue 9 points10 points ago

Great quote, will remember when getting Facebook blues next time

[–]lacv10 7 points8 points ago

Thank you for this, seriously.

[–]A_Drunk_Hobo 5 points6 points ago

I read this while pooping. Skip this part of the movie

[–]Oberon_Swanson 14 points15 points ago

Yeah, a while ago it kinda hit me that everyone else is sorta lying and picking and choosing what to tell other people about themselves to make themselves look better.

[–]Quazifuji 8 points9 points ago

It's not the everyone else is always lying or picking or choosing, it's just that what we see of everyone else is so filtered, and things always look easier when you watch someone else do it than when you do it yourself. You just have to think of all the idiotic things you've thought or done that no one but you knows about, and realize that chances are everyone else has had plenty of similar thoughts or actions you don't know about.

[–]Oberon_Swanson 2 points3 points ago

That's what I said and meant. Nobody tells you about their idiotic thoughts or small failures.

[–]Quazifuji 6 points7 points ago

What I meant is that they're not always deliberately doing it to look better. It's just how things play out.

[–]Sammzor 2 points3 points ago

That's why I've found it's easier for me to talk to people when I remember they have a life, embarrassments, secrets, etc. too.

[–]Numl0k 5 points6 points ago

Also, be the main character in your own life. Don't be an extra.

[–]Lorem_Ipsum 4 points5 points ago

I have been borderline panic-attacking over what other people think of me for the past couple of weeks. It has become almost crippling.

This quote has really re-seated me.

[–]spencer_[S] 0 points1 point ago

This is what I think of you: I like your username.

[–]Lorem_Ipsum 7 points8 points ago

Orangered :D

This is what I think of you:

heart stopped

D:

I like your username.

<33333333

[–]ntorotn -3 points-2 points ago

The hell? This isn't DeviantArt.

[–]Mdaishi 3 points4 points ago

This has got to be one of the lowest upvotes to comments ever. 1146 upvotes to 25 coments!

[–]cresteh 3 points4 points ago

That's a fantastic angle of it and sums up most of my motivation issues.

[–]Kim_Shlong_Il 0 points1 point ago

This should say

The reason we struggle with insecurity is that we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel

or

We struggle with insecurity because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.

I'm not usually a grammar nazi. I've just been seeing "the reason is because" everywhere, it's bugging the shit out of me, and I need to exercise this.

[–]-pt- 2 points3 points ago

Finally, some practical philosophy without a stick in its arse.

[–]SpaghettiBuckshot 2 points3 points ago

Didn't Takei post this on his FB this morning?

[–]feigndad 0 points1 point ago

Does that remove the validity? :-)

[–]mrcdubbin 2 points3 points ago

Too bad my highlight reel is their behind the scenes.

[–]HYisAwk 0 points1 point ago

first thing that popped up in my head as well

but the timing of this quote was nice for myself none the less

[–]Lillithia 2 points3 points ago

If you take the quote literally then it's an interesting angle on how hollywood media influence our self-confidence and social behavior as well.

[–]The_GenuineArticle 1 point2 points ago

Holy shit. While I don't want to exaggerate the awesomeness of this quote, it has seriously made me want to kick it into high gear this upcoming year at college. Holy crap. Can someone make a wallpaper out of this?

[–]The_SNL_Encyclopedia 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit. This literally just changed my entire frame of mind. I hope I can remember this every day.

[–]eien_geL 0 points1 point ago

I always have these types of encouragement quotes in the back of my mind, so I can relate to them when I am having a difficult time. However, despite being such great quotes, everything is still based on your hormones, and the mood you are currently at

[–]HeadtripVee 1 point2 points ago

I feel like I need to print this out.

[–]relpac 0 points1 point ago

Did.

[–]iSYAN82 0 points1 point ago

This is so true. Kind of pessimistic though. Its not intelligent to compare your own most monotone and mundane daily pasttime to the top time of other people. I think everyone has the same monotone life after all, we all need to have a job and we need to eat, and to ensure these things we have to fit into society. I've made my peace with it and also try to get rid of the material desires that I keep having. :)))

[–]kitkaitkat 0 points1 point ago

Even more true now with Facebook. Facebook is a highlight reel that's cropped and photoshopped until they look like they're having the time of their lives.

[–]theendoftheinternet 1 point2 points ago

Now go listen to what Steven Furtick really has to say. This will change you: http://www.elevationchurch.org/sermons/room101/part2

[–]kkurbs 0 points1 point ago

I literally just wrote a blog post on this, too bad it won't be up until Wednesday :-\ ... if anyone does want to read it, it's www.kurbsconsulting.com/blog and will be up on Wednesday.

[–]rco8786 0 points1 point ago

I had to read this like 10 times before I understood it...but ya...good stuff.

[–]Winnership 0 points1 point ago

Steven Furtick is awesome!

[–]sammwwise -1 points0 points ago

I saw that George Takei posted this on FB earlier.

[–]anxietyvoyage -3 points-2 points ago

Gaaaaaaay

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