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369
370

Armed bodyguards for the almost extinct Northern White Rhino [xpost /r/pics] (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by Swiss_Cheese9797

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[–]MobiusTrobius 55 points56 points ago

They should domesticate the rhinos, and ride them as 7.62-toting rhino cavalry.

[–]joegekko 89 points90 points ago

LAU- Light Armored Ungulate.

[–]p8ntslinger 35 points36 points ago

as a biologist, I love you.

[–]MobiusTrobius 3 points4 points ago

Only if the NATO map symbol is a rhino horn.

[–]PNut_Buttr_Panda 4 points5 points ago

I think a rhino skull wearing a combat helmet looks cooler.

[–]londubhawc 0 points1 point ago

Angry rhino face (cartoonified), because we want them Alive, not dead. :(

[–]makinganotheraccount 2 points3 points ago

Those things are massive. With the right saddle, you could probably mount a Ma Deuce on it.

[–]airchinapilot 19 points20 points ago

I knew rhino poaching was a problem but I didn't know the depth of it until I read a bit more.

  • there are less than 5,000 rhinos left in the wild
  • 532 rhino were killed last year alone. Do the math.
  • the majority of the poaching is to satisfy a Vietnamese market because of the mistaken belief that rhino folk medicines can cure cancer
  • because of this rhinos are almost wiped out in Vietnam (I didn't know there were rhinos there actually)

[–]MobiusTrobius 25 points26 points ago

Stupid folk medicine nonsense.

[–]TheNev 13 points14 points ago

isn't human horn far more potent?

did I get my tv shows crossed up again?

[–]Butthole_Scientist 3 points4 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/UaYYI.jpg

[–]QueueNX 1 point2 points ago

No. The lower horn.

[–]definitely_not_mad 1 point2 points ago

Well, are you talking about the lower horn?

[–]Saxit 4 points5 points ago

3rd world homeopathy.

[–]bellemarematt 1 point2 points ago

they could just water it down to make it more effective and save more rhinos

[–]Butthole_Scientist 1 point2 points ago

Its not just 3rd world. They kill Rhinos, send it to China, and then China sends it back to the US to these new age mysticism stores and they sell it as ancient Chinese medicine, which the fucking hippies love. So they are responsible too.

Fuck hippies.

[–]wee0x1b 2 points3 points ago

Stupid mysticism, in any form.

[–]londubhawc 7 points8 points ago

Solution: sell "powdered rhino horn," which is in fact some form of poison. The meme will die out with the would-be poachers.

...now where is my heart? I know I have it around here somewhere; I'm getting hungry.

[–]airchinapilot 0 points1 point ago

That so fiendish it could work... you think the WWF will go for that?

[–]leicanthrope 2 points3 points ago

The wrestling people? Sure!

[–]SonOfUncleSam 1 point2 points ago

Only the ones that believe wrasslin' is real.

[–]JudgeWhoAllowsStuff 1 point2 points ago

WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE RHINO, YOU GET THE HORNNNNN

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

First time I have ever seen someone use the word "meme" when not refering to something on the internet.

[–]londubhawc -1 points0 points ago

O_o

Do people not use it according to its actual definition?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Isn't a meme a cultural phenomenon?

[–]londubhawc 1 point2 points ago

A meme is an idea, conceptualized as a "thought entity," which spreads and adapts (or doesn't) to pass itself on to other minds. The idea of a meme is that of, well, an idea in such a fashion as to be subject to natural selection.

That's why image macros are (inacurately) referred to as memes. The images of the Lolrus isn't actually the meme, but the concept of a large sea mammal who misses his bukkit is the meme. The image macro of GGG isn't actually the meme, but the idea of someone who does the right thing because it's the right thing to do is the meme.

...but so often the things are conflated, so the idea and the representation of the idea are confused.

[–]ChootchMcGooch 0 points1 point ago

YES.

[–]MC_Cuff_Lnx 0 points1 point ago

I might not feel so great about that. It could be given by a parent to a child, or by a "doctor" to a patient.

[–]londubhawc 0 points1 point ago

I did imply the idea was heartless, didn't i?

[–]MC_Cuff_Lnx 0 points1 point ago

I mean that it might not be effective in killing the belief. You wouldn't necessarily be killing the people with the belief directly.

[–]londubhawc 0 points1 point ago

True, but if it kills people faster it would create a competing meme, which says that powdered rhino horn kills you when ingested. And since only one is being "proven" true...

Not that I actually endorse this course of action, mind...

[–]Daibuoxx 5 points6 points ago

There's only 7 Northern White Rhinos left, including this guy.

[–]airchinapilot 1 point2 points ago

:(

[–]Pwag 3 points4 points ago

It's simple...We must eliminate the vietnemese to save the rhino.

[–]airchinapilot 1 point2 points ago

but we should leave behind vietnamese coffee and pho noodle soup

[–]Pwag 2 points3 points ago

Pho sho man.

[–]rebeldefector 1 point2 points ago

These jokes never get pho king old.

[–]QueueNX 1 point2 points ago

Tried that once. We got our asses handed to us b/c the war machine didn't do it right.

[–]fotbr 1 point2 points ago

Tried that once. We got our asses handed to us b/c the war political machine didn't do it right.

FTFY. The war machine, left alone, would have handled it. It would have been ugly and messy, but it would have gotten the job done. The constant interference from the political machine(s) was what got in the way.

[–]QueueNX 0 points1 point ago

I contest that. The war machine didn't do it correct precisely because the political machine was involved period.

[–]fotbr 0 points1 point ago

We're saying the same thing then. Your original comment just sounded like it came from another moron who blames the military for anything and everything that went wrong with that war.

[–]QueueNX 0 points1 point ago

Bad choice of wording on my part then.

[–]quaintbucket 0 points1 point ago

So hippies.

[–]Pwag 0 points1 point ago

What we did before was try to preserve some vietnemese while destroying others.

Surely just glassing the whole nation would be a simpler task.

[–]RPrevolution 0 points1 point ago

The income of some towns in Africa relies on these animals being available to tourists, so it's killing them threatens the town's well-being.

[–]iceph03nix 16 points17 points ago

I bet he never gets laid with a security detail on him at all times...

[–]MobiusTrobius 21 points22 points ago

They should put some big sunglasses on him, and introduce themselves as his bodyguards. The rhino bitches love a man with style.

[–]iceph03nix 10 points11 points ago

Probably just because he's white.

[–]fatcat2040 3 points4 points ago

Its funny because he is African! Right guys? ill show myself out

[–]Multisyllabic 0 points1 point ago

So's Retief Goosen, but I don't hear anyone talking about him.

[–]Sandwichy 3 points4 points ago

Horn Rim sunglasses, bitches love horns.

[–]pootawn 2 points3 points ago

he should introduce himself as their bodyguard

[–]ShellOilNigeria 36 points37 points ago

It's a damn shame that people want to kill endangered species.

I'm glad the little(big) buddy has some people there to guard him.

That makes me feel better about people as a whole and trying to help out.

[–]Gromann 24 points25 points ago

In many areas in Africa, poaching is a death sentence.

I'm kindof concerned that this hands on approach will diminish their fear of humans.

[–]Saudiaggie 40 points41 points ago

Problem is, a fear of humans isn't enough to protect these animals anymore.

[–]airchinapilot 15 points16 points ago

Rhinos have very poor eyesight. How they feel about humans is irrelevant when a poacher can see them first.

[–]Frothyleet 3 points4 points ago

They may already lack it. There are only 7 northern white rhinos in the world; of those, 4 are in the wild, but were released there.

[–]Gromann 2 points3 points ago

Okay, that makes a good deal of sense, extremely unfortunate though.

[–]kennerly 3 points4 points ago

It's a necessity. To guard the rhino the handlers need to stay nearby, to stay nearby the rhino has to trust the handlers. Rhino's have poor vision, but make up for it with a good sense of smell and hearing. This mean the handlers need to stay in close proximity to the rhino, less he mistakes them for a predator and decides to run them down. With so few White Rhinos left in the wild all of this protection is probably a futile effort. Unless we find a hidden pocket of these Rhinos this particular sub species will be gone from the earth in a few generations.

[–]jeffwong 5 points6 points ago

UAVs can watch the Rhinos and bomb the poachers.

[–]kennerly 15 points16 points ago

I'm just picturing a UAV circling a lone rhino on the Savannah. A poacher approaches the rhino and the UAV picks him up on its thermal cameras. A cluster of hellfire missiles launch and bombard the bush the poacher was hiding next to in fire and steel. All that is left is a red spot and a smoking hole in the ground. The rhino looks up at the sky and gives a wink to the UAV, it makes a little wave with its wings and continues to patrol the skies.

[–]dalgeek 2 points3 points ago

Reminds me of this for some reason.

[–]londubhawc 1 point2 points ago

Reminds me of Uncle Wiggly Wings of the Berlin Airlift for some reason.

[–]Txmedic 1 point2 points ago

Made me laugh so much!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]PNut_Buttr_Panda 5 points6 points ago

NORTHERN white rhino. There are less than ten alive on the whole planet...

[–]fatfaggotfuck69 4 points5 points ago

Maybe it is time for these Yankee rhinos to find a southern belle and propagate their genes

[–]Swiss_Cheese9797[S] 4 points5 points ago

Title is neither sensational nor BS. As it says it's a Northern White Rhino. There's like 7 left or something last I read.

[–]LeviathonI 0 points1 point ago

Isn't it a futile effort then?

[–]MC_Cuff_Lnx 1 point2 points ago

Chemotherapy is often a futile effort. We do it anyway. Some things are valuable enough to struggle for, sometimes.

[–]LeviathonI 0 points1 point ago

It doesn't mean it makes sense....

[–]MC_Cuff_Lnx 0 points1 point ago

One thought is that if we keep them alive long enough, advances in biotechnology (which is an area moving about as fast as microelectronics now) might allow us to use a single living rhino or its genetic material to create offspring. But who knows.

[–]LeviathonI 0 points1 point ago

Eh it is hard to tell what is best....letting them go extinct, or using resources to keep them around...

[–]MC_Cuff_Lnx 0 points1 point ago

Three, actually.

Wait, yep, seven.

[–]snowlemur 4 points5 points ago

I would be all about a tour in the Rhino Bodyguards. Shiny guns, awesome animals and landscape, and the opportunity to shoot a poacher? Sign me up.

[–]smakers1 4 points5 points ago

I've thought about this before. When I heard about how the ivory trade is becoming militarized, I was thinking a couple months training at the Marine sniper school, 10k rounds of 7.62, a nice rifle, and a nice ghillie suit... you wouldn't have a poacher problem anymore.

They shall call me the voice of the beast, and I will be awesome. Muahahahahahaaaaa

but seriously, I don't really have any moral qualms with this. Am I a sociopath?

[–]definitely_not_mad 1 point2 points ago

Nah, it's the guys killing the rhinos that are sociopaths. You're just talking about pest control.

[–]Txmedic 1 point2 points ago

Being a sociopath is ok as long as you channel it into a good cause right?

[–]plaidzebra 4 points5 points ago

Mmmmmm. Dat G3.

[–]presidentender 8 points9 points ago

Africa

G3

WHY NOT FAL?

[–]joegekko 28 points29 points ago

The FAL is the right arm of freedom; the G3 is, apparently, the right arm of animal husbandry.

[–]Swiss_Cheese9797[S] 14 points15 points ago

First gay marriage, now people and animals are being wed!

[–]fatcat2040 3 points4 points ago

It's those damn liberuls!

[–]hello_you -1 points0 points ago

Liberals liberule!

[–]fedupwith 4 points5 points ago

CETME's are cheaper.

[–]MobiusTrobius 1 point2 points ago

Sure those are CETMEs? I'm curious as the distinguishing factors.

[–]chainsaw_juggler 7 points8 points ago

Easiest way I know is the rear sight, those are HKs

[–]fedupwith 1 point2 points ago

Well, they're not FAL's. Look like PTR/CETME's to me, but I could be wrong.

[–]MobiusTrobius 2 points3 points ago

PTRs are semi-auto only clones produced for the American civilian market, I'd be pretty surprised if that's what they're carrying. They seem more like G3s or HK91s.

[–]fedupwith 1 point2 points ago

You're probably right, still, want one badly.

[–]MK12Mod0SuperSoaker 1 point2 points ago

A co-worker from Ghana told me they carried G3's for military service. Might be a good/equal chance they're actual G3s

[–]Deep__Thought 1 point2 points ago

Reliability.

[–]presidentender 1 point2 points ago

Wasn't a value judgment, I'm just always surprised to see a not-FAL battle rifle in Africa.

[–]Deep__Thought 1 point2 points ago

Iirc the g3 is the second most popular rifle in africa after AK variants. Fal is third, although i have no souce.

[–]reddit--hivemind 0 points1 point ago

Because German.

[–]JudgeWhoAllowsStuff 16 points17 points ago

Dude's copping a feel. Yeah buddy, get some.

[–]MuDDx 1 point2 points ago

If you saw a white Rhino, wouldn't you?

[–]JudgeWhoAllowsStuff 6 points7 points ago

Why it always gotta be the white rhino?

[–]sircromulent 5 points6 points ago

This made me laugh way more than it should have, for shame self, for shame.

[–]oshaneo 6 points7 points ago

Its a shame the even after the tusk has been removed that its still in danger. Why would anyone want to kill a endangered animal especially when the most valuable part has been removed.

[–]nikdahl 7 points8 points ago

They kill it so that they don't waste any more time tracking it again.

[–]JudgeWhoAllowsStuff 20 points21 points ago

The satisfaction of knowing you put their entire species into extinction, i.e. for the lulz.

[–]FeistyCrawfish 12 points13 points ago

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

[–]HiroshimaRoll 7 points8 points ago

'It's not about the ivory, it's about sending a message.'

[–]FeistyCrawfish 3 points4 points ago

Oh ho ho, ha, hee hee, ho ha hee ho.

[–]tdogg650 0 points1 point ago

No, they just want to kill all the rhinos.

[–]iceph03nix 2 points3 points ago

some people get a hard on for having the only one of something.

[–]BeenJamminMon 2 points3 points ago

Fun Fact: Rhino horns can be humanely harvested.

[–]undstudent 0 points1 point ago

I remember reading in the other thread that it was intentionally shaved in a humane way to make it less attractive to poachers.

[–]Swampfox_21 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only one who thought rhinos were very mean? I know hippos are, but maybe I'm just making things up

[–]AshtonKoocher 3 points4 points ago

Not really mean. They just have poor eyesight so their defensive reaction is to charge things that surprise them. So it makes them look mean in our eyes.

[–]koolkats 1 point2 points ago

I always thought that too, but I figured it was because I watched too much Babar as a kid. Most animals are perfectly friendly and complacent until you provoke them.

[–]firearmsphilosopher 3 points4 points ago

What would be hilarious is if someone tried to poach the rhino, started shooting, and all three soldiers took cover behind the rhino.

[–]SquarePizza 2 points3 points ago

I am pretty sure I would pay to do that job.

[–]jack_spankin 2 points3 points ago

This is what groups like Blackwater should be hired to do.

[–]Diabetesh 1 point2 points ago

How is he supposed to meet other lady rhinos with those guys always around?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Horn blocked

[–]quaintbucket 0 points1 point ago

Horn festival

[–]Iheartfisebillilah 0 points1 point ago

not nearly exstinct

[–]MC_Cuff_Lnx 0 points1 point ago

This particular subspecies has three individuals left.

[–]Iheartfisebillilah 0 points1 point ago

IF you are referring to the Northern white Rhino there are 7 left.

[–]MC_Cuff_Lnx 0 points1 point ago

Sorry, you're right, a total of seven animals. One in captivity in the Czech Republic, two in Captivity in the US, and four in a conservancy.

[–]Iheartfisebillilah 0 points1 point ago

No prob, now we both know a little more.

[–]cheesepwnage 0 points1 point ago

Awesome

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