EDIT: By the way, thanks for explaning that in America when you're asked where you're from, you'll also be asked "what you are." Very unusual for me to hear! When people ask me I tell them a town, or a county. If I'm out of Ireland I tell them "Ireland." They'll tell me "Germany" or "England", in Europe there's no need to go any deeper in casual conversation.

This is part of where, from my experiences, the most confusion arises from both sides. It's just one of those things that I think is so misunderstood that I tried to put it into words. And it goes for any heritage. It was funny for me tonight especially as I was out with some new friends. They are new to me, so of course I hadn't spoken about this reddit post with them. But during our moving from one bar to another, one of the guys remarked that he's an "adopted, mostly deaf, Indian, in a white family and also Irish!" I didn't say anything to this, but it really illustrates the idea of what being American is like. I was at a loss for words since he had no idea this was something that I had brought up in this thread. The idea of how we, as Americans, identify ourselves to each other is something that is just not understood unless you are here for an extended amount of time and really exposed to it. I try my best to put myself in the place of the Irish and looking at Americans who say we are Irish and try to see what that means from your perspective. I guess all we can do is try.

I could take it even further. Even in trying to meet someone and get a real connection with here, be it a deep friendship or casual or even dating, it doesn't take long into any relationship before the question of "what are you?" or "where does your family come from?" to be asked. It is just such an ingrained part of our culture that you can't be known until your heritage is known. Here's my own example. I recently met a girl and went out on a couple of dates. During both of these dates the question of our heritage was discussed throughout the evening. It didn't consume the entire outing, but it's something that has to be asked. Her family is Polish and mine Irish, we both took our own council as to what that would mean for a more intimate meeting of families. It's something that is always there and always something that must be known. It's something that will tell us if our families will get along or not at first glance. It really does play a large part of our entire life and goes a long way to determine how we interact with each other.

However, even if they were not "cringey" with the way they view themselves as "Irish" it really wouldn't stop them being seen as an American, an American with Irish heritage.

With this I completely agree. It's sometimes difficult for us to separate being Irish from American with Irish heritage. That's really what we are at the heart of it, American with Irish heritage. The difference comes in our perspectives. And from there it becomes much more complex depending on each individual. And different individuals from each side will see it differently. I think that's where it will part for both sides. Even here in America, some people are seen as more Irish than others, and I think that happens in Ireland also. The only way a line can be drawn, in my opinion, is if each individual meets and gets to know the other and makes their own determination as to who is Irish and who isn't. But at the same time, I will always be American and you will always be Irish. Not only in our own ways, but to each other as well.

Edit: >There really isn't a way to capture "Ireland" within a little town in America. There are ways to keep some aspects of the culture alive and well, but it's not the same immersion. It just isn't Ireland and it can't be Ireland, the same as I could never recreate another country within Ireland.

This is very true. I think that most Americans try to be as true to where they came from as they can. But as you say, it can't be Ireland. And it won't be. But what it is for many of us is what Ireland is within us, as Americans think it is. It's why there is such a projection of what Ireland is like, that just isn't true, but comes from the invasive nature of the American culture on the rest of the world. And I'd like to know if this is anyone's feeling or not, but I think this is why a lot of the Irish hold somewhat of a disdain for Americans claiming to be Irish.

This is just me speaking, and trying to get more of an understanding of all of us. I really wish we were sitting at a pub or having tea talking about this. I feel like we are all learning a little bit more and that's all we can really do.