this post was submitted on
1,059 points (53% like it)
8,198 up votes 7,139 down votes

funny

subscribe2,720,569 readers

7,562 users here now


Results of the facebook poll


Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!


NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 72 comments

[–]totemcatcher 50 points51 points ago

[–]urbaneinthemembrane 12 points13 points ago

Ladies and gentlemen... problem solved.

[–]immawsome 16 points17 points ago

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

I prefer this one.

[–]redpenquin 1 point2 points ago

You still need to get out of your comfortable position so you can sit on the edge of the bed to do it, or else you will almost ALWAYS make a fucking mess.

[–]3LAU 20 points21 points ago

I just go to the bathroom to pee before bed even if I don't really have to go. Also, it's not fun to masturbate with a full bladder

[–]Whybanme 6 points7 points ago

Ugh. That is the worst. I always think "when I orgasm is piss going to accidentally come out?"

[–]wartexmaul 7 points8 points ago

Why not both?

[–]SciK 6 points7 points ago

I think I’ve read that there’s a lock which prevents that.

[–]SpringHeelJack 6 points7 points ago

I use a deadbolt.

[–]ThePlasticJesus 3 points4 points ago

Have you ever tried to pee after any kind of sexytimes? Yeah.

[–]mattbluesman 0 points1 point ago

But it amplifies the orgasm.

Edit: It does though

[–]RICH_LITTLE 64 points65 points ago

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points ago

[–]desenagrator 6 points7 points ago

Actually is Trapped_in_reddit

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]The_Peyote_Coyote -1 points0 points ago

Ad. Fucking Ad.

[–]JediMasterSam 26 points27 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
Every. Damn. TIME. 0coms 3pts 1mo pics
Even worse after a long day 0coms 16pts 7dys funny
I Hate My Bladder 3coms 30pts 6mos funny
A cute representation of a very annoying occurrence 32coms 747pts 5mos funny
Every.Damn.Time 2coms 58pts 2mos funny
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur 200coms 1067pts 6mos aww
Every single effing night 0coms 2pts 14dys pics

source: karmadecay

[–]star_witness 3 points4 points ago

Further proof that a "fuck" in the title yields more karma.

[–]Sumotron 11 points12 points ago

Holy fucking shit it's the day of reposts.

[–]ImTheGuyWhoLoveGems 4 points5 points ago

it's always the day of reposts

[–]EarthRester 5 points6 points ago

Does that mean that today is a repost of yesterday?

[–]Sumotron -1 points0 points ago

Today is the day of cannibalistic reposts.

[–]Kempiet 1 point2 points ago

This is why I used to keep a bottle with a funnel in by my bed when I was single

[–]shiznik 1 point2 points ago

Unoriginal. Fucking. Title.

[–]slumpsox 1 point2 points ago

Try going pee before you get in bed...SOLVED!!!! works every time with my 3 year old

[–]RobinLongstride 2 points3 points ago

[–]EveryVillainIsLimes 3 points4 points ago

Reduce your caffeine intake, and don't drink or eat for a couple hours before bed. Also pee immediately before bed, even if you don't feel like your bladder is full, because before you know it- BAM! It is and you're stuck getting out of bed, turning the lights on and rousing yourself from what you thought was going to be a peaceful dozing off. I hope these steps help...

[–]deadly_designer 4 points5 points ago

Saw this yesterday...Dont repost.

[–]bAssKicker 2 points3 points ago

Can anyone tell me what kind of cat this is?

[–]WhitePostIt 9 points10 points ago

An expensive luxury cat.

[–]eVaan13 1 point2 points ago

Also, repostable cat.

[–]89rovi 1 point2 points ago

Expensive Luxury Cat... that sounds like some sort of rip-off asian toy.

EDIT: http://i.imgur.com/xUMjM.png

[–]jglee1236 3 points4 points ago

I wanna say a short-haired persian.

[–]aal113 0 points1 point ago

exotic short hair Not, they're not all that cute.

[–]awesomeck 0 points1 point ago

By the way, the title, big fan.

[–]jenkstom 0 points1 point ago

Diabeetus.

[–]zoozoo7 1 point2 points ago

Read this backwards

[–]riddlemetom 0 points1 point ago

I have to pee every time I get in a car. Never fails.

[–]ChloeMonster 0 points1 point ago

Story of my life

[–]NorwegianPearl 0 points1 point ago

I know that feel bro. It's been happening ever since I started making it a point to drink water throughout the day. I think it means I'd been living my life moderately dehydrated for years now.

[–]jea15001 -1 points0 points ago

OP has had to pee once (s)he got in bed every night since the day (s)he was born.

[–]ColonelRuffhouse 0 points1 point ago

Downvoted for needless and stupid political correctness.

[–]RealHipsterGlasses 1 point2 points ago

I can tell you that this phenomenon is much worse for a pregnant woman. Get comfy, gotta pee, go pee, get comfy, wait 5 minutes, gotta pee again. Happens every night about 2 or 3 times.

[–]LoversElegy 2 points3 points ago

I can never get comfy again after going to the bathroom. I've resigned to not sleeping again until my daughter can sleep through the night herself, and she hasn't even arrived yet.

[–]Single_Now 0 points1 point ago

what kind of kitty is this?

[–]nixle 1 point2 points ago

Yes! Whats up bladder?? I go pee right before getting in, lay for 10 sec. get comfy. Bam. Pee alert!

[–]willowpje 0 points1 point ago

I usually stop at the bathroom door thinking "I should go... but I don't HAVE to! But in 5 minutes I will have to. I should go." and sometimes I'm smart enough to go, and sometimes I'm stubborn and I end up walking downstairs again 5 minutes later ;)

[–]steve627 0 points1 point ago

repost

[–]bigoldirtydick 0 points1 point ago

AllyM7, you have expressed this problem perfectly.

[–]McLown 0 points1 point ago

I tend just to go to sleep. Take care of it when I wake up. I am neither 5 or 80 years old.

[–]melumebelle 0 points1 point ago

What kind of cat is this!?

[–]Pfeffersack 0 points1 point ago

That's bad. However, imagine going outdoors and having slept in a sleeping bag for two hours. Now, you really need to go the toilet but not only do you have to get out of your bag you have to face the cold as well.

[–]AtTheLeftThere -1 points0 points ago

says every girl on tumblr

[–]zandiix 1 point2 points ago

I always pee before I go to bed. Problem solved.

[–]Im_sick_and_tired 0 points1 point ago

Get up and go to the fucking bathroom then

[–]anthrocide -2 points-1 points ago

You're stupid, this is stupid, you should feel bad.

[–]PainLing 0 points1 point ago

Stop masturbating before sleeping. After the orgasm your constrictor muscle relieves tension and your urethra is wide open, so you have to pee more often.

[–]SarcasticOptimist 0 points1 point ago

Why is this type of cat constantly on /r/aww recently? It's like the Charles II of cats.

[–]baitingforyears 0 points1 point ago

Pee, before?

[–]gyang333 0 points1 point ago

what kind of kitty is this? it looks so cute!

[–]Eyeshtick 0 points1 point ago

I love these kinds of cats, I want to squish their faces. ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)

[–]marishtar 0 points1 point ago

Always piss before you go to bed. Not that hard.

[–]Forgo_55 -2 points-1 points ago

Karma whore. You don't need kittens to get the point across.

[–]JHW12 -4 points-3 points ago

Altogether now;

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[–]rxsski -1 points0 points ago

Story of my life. Take a piss, go lay in bed... about to pass out watching movies when it creeps up on you.