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Meet Murray. Murray has muttonchops. (imgur.com)
submitted 2 days ago by santisanti
[–]Cocomunky 9 points10 points11 points 2 days ago
Mmmnyeas, quite. Jolly good show, chap!
[–]cadetkoopa 8 points9 points10 points 2 days ago
I SAY, CONSTABLE. I WOULD LIKE AN ANCHOVY.
[–]marmighty 6 points7 points8 points 1 day ago
Diabeetus.
[–]AnaBananaSplit 4 points5 points6 points 1 day ago
Made me thin of this Murray moment in television. Muttonchops and all :D
[–]MurrayL 2 points3 points4 points 1 day ago
God dammit.
[–]santisanti[S] 1 point2 points3 points 1 day ago
This made me laugh, completely correct. He's barely a year old and everyone assumes he's ancient.
[–]AnaBananaSplit 0 points1 point2 points 1 day ago
He's Young Murray :)
[–]abbiistabbii 5 points6 points7 points 1 day ago
"BALLSWORTHY, FETCH MY GUN, WE'RE GOING PLEB-SHOOTING.
[–]MudButtMcGrutt 4 points5 points6 points 2 days ago
Persian cats are the best.
[–]killertofuuuuu 5 points6 points7 points 2 days ago
omg he does! He's like some gruff detective in the midst of Victorian England investigating some sort of grizzly crime. Hes ugly and gruff and doesn't care for traditional social structure - certainly a character who is before his time. Ofcouse for this reason, the upper and mid-upper classes dont like being questioned for information by such a person as he is kurt and treats everyone, regardless of class, in the same way. They consider him uppidy and arrogant, a busybody. But he always gets his man
[–]themonkkees 11 points12 points13 points 2 days ago*
He's surly, but at his core he's an affable guy, and when he drinks, this side of him is revealed.
When his partner, Loyd Emmerson, is found eviscerated in a London alley, he is emotionally shattered. The seventh victim of the "Beckenham Bludgeoner", Emmerson was Murray's closest and most trusted friend in the world. The blow from hearing this shocking news was incisive. After a descent into heavy drinking that spanned several days, Murray has an epiphany...
Our protagonist vows to the late Mr. Emmerson's wife, Annie, that he will do everything in his power to find the ghastly murderer and put an end to his malicious spree. He's resolved more than ever to provide justice to the citizens of his beloved city.
Murray sets out on his endeavor, questioning every degenerate in the city under severe duress, indifferent to the laws and regulations of the force. He's as ornery, and pugnacious as ever, stopping at nothing to find the deviant that has the people of his homeland in crippling fear. He pays homage to his partner at every stop, leaving behind rosary beads at each den of debauchery the trail leads him to.
His new partner, Lawrence Cunningham is crooked, and before long finds himself the unwitting primary suspect of the investigation. Lawrence comes from a prominent English family; a coddled, but eminent officer that received several accolades due to nepotism alone. His handsome, squared visage, charisma, and smug demeanor have earned him the nickname "Dorian Grey" and the affections of many impudent strumpets. Aware that public opinion is in the favor of the alleged killer, Murray knows he must tread carefully. Murray follows his every move, keeping tabs on all of his associates and shifty acquaintances. Finally, he receives word that the undesirable has made a purchase of stolen art goods in the Bedford Park district, the site of the last known whereabouts of the Bludgeoner.
His cunning detective work appears to have finally paid off, he boards his carriage and heads in the direction of the brute. Upon arrival, he finds the street desolate, not a soul in sight. Realizing immediately he's walked into trap, he pulls out his single shooter and pivots in place, scanning the flickering lamp lit streets for his enemies.
None other than Dennis Webley, a well-loved attorney with 18 years of prosecutorial work under his belt, steps out from the shadows of an arched foot bridge... The standoff is tense, the opposer is armed with a musket and a knife gleams from his utility belt. Murray eyes his opponent, evaluating his weaknesses, and grimaces, hatefully.
Without a word spoken formerly from either party, Murray heaves his chest and bellows, "Goodevening Mr. Webley, it seems we're about to engage in a quarrel bound for history textbooks, but before we begin, let me ask you one question..." His eyes ablaze, he remains fixed in a defensive position, arms splayed at his side, gun prepped. "Yes, Murray?" Webley replies, without deigning to speak in his direction, head cocked towards the row of colonials to his right, arrogantly dismissive of his threat. "Did you really think you could get away with it?"
Murray goes on to share several revelations he had in the days prior to this current exchange. How he, while tracking Cunningham, had (entirely on whim) perused dining reservations at a well-known gangster's resort and found Webley on the VIP roster. How he'd gone on to discover during his interrogations of petty criminals, that Webley had accepted several bribes, farthings relative to his wage, but significant to a law enforcer nonetheless. And finally, Murray had uncovered a most damning trail of evidence, witness testimony that placed the prosecutor at each of the crime scenes, within hours of the estimated time of death of each victim.
Webley was aghast by the end of Murray's diatribe, his full attention on the accuser. And with nary the slightest warning, Murray shot and killed the clearly guilty man, sight unseen. A trial would be too fair to award a bastard the likes of Webley.
Lawrence's name has been cleared, but Murray presents evidence to the local media of several scandals he unraveled during his investigation into the now infamous "Beckenham Bludgeoner".
In the end, our hero is seen sitting by his lonesome in the parlor of his humble manor, a single tear running down his cheek and a mixture of elation and sorrow in his emerald eyes.
He's not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need.
edited added few pieces of info necessary for story continuity and corrected syntactical errors
[–]DariusG187 -17 points-16 points-15 points 2 days ago
Dude, setiously, do you actually expect somebody to read all that? When somebody writes something for a long time people say "you're writing a book or something?" this time I can't even say that! You are writing a book!
[–]themonkkees 8 points9 points10 points 2 days ago
I don't give a fuck about your attention span or that of any unoriginal jackass who would saying something so recycled and uncreative as "you writing a book or something?" I enjoyed writing it, and someone may enjoy reading it.
[–]themonkkees 3 points4 points5 points 2 days ago
In my mind I read "you writing a book or something" with a slow, dimwit drone
[–]DariusG187 -15 points-14 points-13 points 2 days ago
My attention span wasn't long enough to read through that whole sentence. And take a chill pill brotha.
[–]Old_Greggg 3 points4 points5 points 1 day ago
That cat needs a monocle.
[–]JayNic 3 points4 points5 points 1 day ago
And a top hat.
[–]Balmarog 2 points3 points4 points 1 day ago
Wilford Brimley as a cat?
[–]babylegs123 0 points1 point2 points 1 day ago
I see a resemblance: http://gridwire.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/propjoe.jpg.
[–]okay_jpg 2 points3 points4 points 2 days ago
Yes, yes I like this a lot
[–]SpicyHotPepperOil 0 points1 point2 points 2 days ago
O.O /\
[–]joshychrist 2 points3 points4 points 1 day ago
I'd have named him General Ambrose Burnside.
[–]Uncle_Erik 1 point2 points3 points 1 day ago
I hope he's as friendly as he looks.
[–]santisanti[S] 3 points4 points5 points 1 day ago
He is. He's like a dog he greets everyone who comes into the door
[–]CystalLily 0 points1 point2 points 1 day ago
I have the urge to give that cat a monocle for some reason...
[–]mindlessphilosopher 0 points1 point2 points 1 day ago
He served on Her Majesties ship in the past life. The sun never sets in the empire.
[–]dougchavez 1 point2 points3 points 1 day ago
he looks like ron swanson
[–]SheepNutz 1 point2 points3 points 1 day ago
My Persians Rilo and Neko both approve! http://i.imgur.com/8sYyh.jpg
[–]Flamedramon 1 point2 points3 points 1 day ago
Milky Von Worthington
[–]turtlekitty30 0 points1 point2 points 1 day ago
like a sir
[–]LadyMonodonMonoceros 0 points1 point2 points 1 day ago
Cave Johnson here...
[–]fisheye32 1 point2 points3 points 1 day ago
Get yourself to /r/proper.
[–]djentlemetal -2 points-1 points0 points 2 days ago
For some reason I thought of Diabeetus when I clicked it.
[–]DariusG187 -5 points-4 points-3 points 2 days ago
187 points, I can't mess it up.
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[–]Cocomunky 9 points10 points11 points ago
[–]cadetkoopa 8 points9 points10 points ago
[–]marmighty 6 points7 points8 points ago
[–]AnaBananaSplit 4 points5 points6 points ago
[–]MurrayL 2 points3 points4 points ago
[–]santisanti[S] 1 point2 points3 points ago
[–]AnaBananaSplit 0 points1 point2 points ago
[–]abbiistabbii 5 points6 points7 points ago
[–]MudButtMcGrutt 4 points5 points6 points ago
[–]killertofuuuuu 5 points6 points7 points ago
[–]themonkkees 11 points12 points13 points ago
[–]Old_Greggg 3 points4 points5 points ago
[–]JayNic 3 points4 points5 points ago
[–]Balmarog 2 points3 points4 points ago
[–]babylegs123 0 points1 point2 points ago
[–]okay_jpg 2 points3 points4 points ago
[–]SpicyHotPepperOil 0 points1 point2 points ago
[–]joshychrist 2 points3 points4 points ago
[–]Uncle_Erik 1 point2 points3 points ago
[–]santisanti[S] 3 points4 points5 points ago
[–]CystalLily 0 points1 point2 points ago
[–]mindlessphilosopher 0 points1 point2 points ago
[–]dougchavez 1 point2 points3 points ago
[–]SheepNutz 1 point2 points3 points ago
[–]Flamedramon 1 point2 points3 points ago
[–]turtlekitty30 0 points1 point2 points ago
[–]LadyMonodonMonoceros 0 points1 point2 points ago
[–]fisheye32 1 point2 points3 points ago
[–]djentlemetal -2 points-1 points0 points ago
[–]DariusG187 -5 points-4 points-3 points ago