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top 200 commentsshow all 287

[–]I_have_a_Secret 124 points125 points ago

Is that thing even erect or is there more horror to follow?

[–]One_More_Comment 71 points72 points ago

I don't think you want to know.

[–]inexplicability 74 points75 points ago

I dunno, I kind of do...

[–]fizzlefarts 66 points67 points ago

Im no whale expert, but I believe it is erect. When not erect it resides within the slit it is emerging from (dont know if cloaca is the proper term?)

[–]SQUID_FUCKER 220 points221 points ago

For someone who isn't a whale expert you sure know a lot about whale dicks.

[–]fizzlefarts 235 points236 points ago

well, I dabble

[–]rhayward 20 points21 points ago

whale dicks

[–]truegrey2 18 points19 points ago

Very upset no comments in this thread ended in the phrase "whale biologist"

[–]gingerlemon 12 points13 points ago

Better do what he says, he's a whale biologist.

[–]Skyblacker 22 points23 points ago

well, I dabble diddle

FIFY

[–]canthidecomments 5 points6 points ago

Hidely ho, neighborino.

[–]Dummies102 3 points4 points ago

whale dick dilettante

[–]mongster2 49 points50 points ago

For someone who fucks squids, you sure pass a lot of judgment.

[–]HaydenTheFox 18 points19 points ago

Urogenital orifice. Reptiles and birds have cloacas, which is both a genital and waste opening. Whales have a separate anus, this is just their form of a sheath/foreskin.

[–]Scholarly_Koala 3 points4 points ago

Looks like a killer whale, correct me if I'm wrong Reddit. So, technically a dolphin.

[–]LeeENTfield 3 points4 points ago

AMA Request: Someone who worked with a whale dick.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 464 points465 points ago

Didn't see the NSFW tag.
Opened this on the bus.
Now everyone thinks I like whale dick.

[–]poop22_ 295 points296 points ago

But you do.

[–]BaconChapstick 122 points123 points ago

Alright let's be honest here, who doesn't like whale cock?

[–]SQUID_FUCKER 223 points224 points ago

It's not my first choice.

[–]Deluxelarx 72 points73 points ago

I'm gunna go ahead and guess Squids would be your first?

[–]SQUID_FUCKER 126 points127 points ago

Vagina, actually.

[–]ptgkbgte 64 points65 points ago

What is a squid's vagina like?

[–]BurntTheToast 63 points64 points ago

I tried. Went for it. Was the beak. Feelsbadman.

[–]mellowroot 13 points14 points ago

The kink is real

[–]marsneedstowels 17 points18 points ago

And the ink.

[–]johnsmcjohn 38 points39 points ago

Wet.

[–]xproshox 23 points24 points ago

[–]dfitt 22 points23 points ago

3,000+ viewers, I don't even... goodnight internet.

[–]JohnnyRyall 16 points17 points ago

[–]creepyeyes 4 points5 points ago

I'm surprised this is a thing. But then again, this is reddit...

[–]xproshox 12 points13 points ago

Welcome to Reddit. Where the topics are endless, the possibilities are trendless, and you can even find whale dicks.

[–]DizzzyDee 2 points3 points ago

lol what the holy fuck

[–]MrDTD 5 points6 points ago

Bunch of dorks.

[–]Smoke_n_Mirrors 26 points27 points ago

And now he's tagged as "Likes whale dick"

[–]mattj7 10 points11 points ago

HEAR HEAR, I second that motion. All in favor, change his tag.

[–]AScholarlyGentleman 4 points5 points ago

I have it in aqua. Seemed appropriate.

[–]FaceOff51 34 points35 points ago

I went to reply to this while my girlfriend slept next to me. She woke up, looked at the screen and all I had written was "killer whale dick is biracial"

Apparently, sometimes it is just as weird as it seems

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 12 points13 points ago

This is why I regret telling my girlfriend my username.

[–]mgrier123 23 points24 points ago

/r/whalebait is right this way

[–]Gizimpy 25 points26 points ago

Thought in my head: "That doesn't actually exist, does it?"

click

Aww maaaan....

[–]An_Banana 11 points12 points ago

When a link like that is purple, I have had enough internet for the night.

[–]Clue57 22 points23 points ago

Why is everyone looking at your phone?

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 90 points91 points ago

Because my phone is a laptop.

[–]Clue57 56 points57 points ago

Well. How about that.

[–]Tommer_man 17 points18 points ago

The Laptop is now Diamonds!

[–]tobissmith 4 points5 points ago

I'm on a horse. No wait, a whale.

[–]9Freeski 4 points5 points ago

Your buses have wi-fi on them?

[–]Justusbraz 8 points9 points ago

The commuter buses here in the Bay Area do. My wife will have me drive behind one for a moment on the bridge to grab a document off the webz.

[–]Showerice 9 points10 points ago

You're into dorks, its cool.

[–]ademu5 4 points5 points ago

Now everyone knows I like whale dick.

FTFY

[–]guyver_dio 2 points3 points ago

Don't feel too bad, it didn't say 'not safe for bus' so you couldn't have known

[–]iregretjumping 153 points154 points ago

Wow. What a dork.

[–]buttercup_mauler 73 points74 points ago

Once, I was dating this guy and english wasn't his first language. I called him a dork, and he didn't know what it meant, so he looked it up. Then he got mad and called me a bitch. Silly foreigners.

[–]kruksog 54 points55 points ago

Considering the first definition is 'a dull, slow-witted person,' or slang, 'penis' depending what dictionary you check.

There's no reference to it being a whale's penis. In any dictionary. Ever. That's an urban legend.

[–]buttercup_mauler 10 points11 points ago

It may have been urbandictionary or some other nontraditional way of finding it. All I know is he was a cranky son of a bitch

[–]bippyz 9 points10 points ago

Maybe he really took umbrage to being called slow.

[–]koolaidface 6 points7 points ago

I take umbrage with your mom. Giggity. I need to go to bed.

[–]bippyz 2 points3 points ago

You wouldn't be the first.

[–]koolaidface 2 points3 points ago

You can take umbrage with my mom if you want. It's totally okay.

[–]honeydee 2 points3 points ago

Unexpectedly pleasant.

[–]abracadavre 99 points100 points ago

Handler; "You want me to do what?" Whale; "Just the tip"

[–]a_can_of_solo 14 points15 points ago

Jesus, that's like a 110% tip

[–]calicojones 124 points125 points ago

..it would appear that willy is feeling a lot more free these days.

[–]sharkeagle 25 points26 points ago

It really is a mobile dick.

[–]UncleJesticle 32 points33 points ago

Fun fact: The whale was inside Jonah, not the other way around.

[–]mesaone 6 points7 points ago

I fucking knew it. A "free Willy" reference just had to show up.

[–]mazbat 47 points48 points ago

So, that whole thing goes back into the whale? Because never see a flaccid whale penis when I go to Sea World..

[–]SQUID_FUCKER 157 points158 points ago

You have to pay extra for that.

[–]Bloodleaf 26 points27 points ago

This man, this man would know.

[–]HaydenTheFox 29 points30 points ago

It's their form of a sheath/foreskin. Not exactly practical to have your dick hanging out when stuff can come at you from below.

[–]RebelTactics 10 points11 points ago

Like horny female Orcas? Or sharks?

[–]xel0s 19 points20 points ago

Ain't no bj like a shark bj.

[–]AssFromThePast 3 points4 points ago

I bet there ain't

[–]UncleJesticle 20 points21 points ago

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Sure!"

"So what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a receptionist, how about you?"

"Well... er... Uh, I... I'm... Let's say I handle a big staff at the aquarium."

[–]rubberducky22 13 points14 points ago

Bad? I wish I could handle whale dick all day.

[–]Tober04 7 points8 points ago

Yeah, I bet that guy has a pretty bitchin job! no whales where I work =/

[–]i-lumos 26 points27 points ago

Wait wait... so what is his job?

[–]mazbat 40 points41 points ago

He is probably collecting whale sperm for makeup.

[–]stellareddit 17 points18 points ago

Sperm whale whale sperm?

[–]mazbat 28 points29 points ago

Except, the whale in the picture is a killer whale, which is actually a type of dolphin.

[–]AlphaCunt 8 points9 points ago

K I L L E R S P E R M

[–]fizzlefarts 11 points12 points ago

I believe based on the baggy in his hand he is taking a sperm sample, probably because this whale is going to be part of a breeding program. That or he is a chef

[–]SirDigbyChknCaesar 8 points9 points ago

Whale Fluffer.

[–]AlternateKarmaSource 2 points3 points ago

He works at the gas station.

[–]RebelTactics 47 points48 points ago

"Hmm, looks like you don't have any crabs..."

[–]Nateosis 24 points25 points ago

[–]Justusbraz 4 points5 points ago

Are they actually watching "two girls one cup?"

[–]thefigpucker 40 points41 points ago

So when does lexi belle mount that in her ass ?

[–]torah_sam 14 points15 points ago

Belladonna is more likely

[–]Justusbraz 4 points5 points ago

I was thinking Mila. Is she still around?

[–]asstits 3 points4 points ago

Is that the one with the holocaust for an ass gape? Belladonna said she would do a dog though, if her SO asked her to, from an interview compilation on efukt.com

[–]jarrad221 9 points10 points ago

He must have the most interesting speech for career day

[–]dre__ 6 points7 points ago

At least put on gloves...

[–]Sommerfaq 6 points7 points ago

Reminds me of this video of a guy sucking a dolphins dick.

[–]Muhkayluh17 12 points13 points ago

Wtf are you watching on the Internet???

[–]Agentsmith2011 10 points11 points ago

A guy sucking a dolphin's dick.

[–]fishboner 10 points11 points ago

There are a lot jobs worse than hanging out at what basically boils down to an amusement park taking care of the animals..

I'd think a job where you come in and sit at the same desk for 11 months of the year to bash on the same keys working on the same shit year in year out would be much worse than having a job where you get to play with animals and entertain people all day.

[–]ListerStorm569 10 points11 points ago

'Play with animals' snigger

[–]nomolos619619 5 points6 points ago

I looked at this pic longer then id like to admit

[–]Nateosis 8 points9 points ago

that whale has the weirdest boner right now

[–]shurtagul 10 points11 points ago

[–]Colin5789 25 points26 points ago

I would but I need a microscope

[–]laterolus 5 points6 points ago

Ctrl + [-] or [+] have a good day.

[–]jettrscga 10 points11 points ago

Ctrl + scroll wheel unless your mouse is from 1990 or you use a laptop.

[–]PurpleSfinx 5 points6 points ago

400 gallons? Even for a blue whale, that sounds like a bullshittingly large amount.

[–]conversionbot 2 points3 points ago

400 gallons = 1514.16 liters

[–]36009955 9 points10 points ago

[–]jakeamus 3 points4 points ago

i bet he loves his job.

[–]fizzlefarts 8 points9 points ago

no furry, but I would seriously get a kick out of getting paid to jerk off a whale. It would be quite amusing to watch Shamoo, shlamoo and imagine the stories you could tell at parties. - yeah you heard that right, I get invited to parties.

[–]Draygon_Slayer 6 points7 points ago

No furry

You motherfucking genius.

[–]jorisb 3 points4 points ago

This belongs in /r/whalebait

[–]joman584 4 points5 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]A_Chewy_Lemon 2 points3 points ago

yep. thats a whale dick. im done for the day. see you tomorrow gentlemen.

[–]sporkems 3 points4 points ago

I thought it would be thicker or just longer. It seems just a little bit bigger than a horse penis. You would think whale penis would be like a super massive thing. Maybe I am just romanticizing it.

[–]poop22_ 15 points16 points ago

[–]i-lumos 21 points22 points ago

[–]AlexHimself 6 points7 points ago

What does it look like to non RES users? How did he just post an image square?

[–]Raildriver 5 points6 points ago

For non RES it's just a completely blank post. It's got the username line followed immediately by the permalink/report/reply line.

[–]PalermoJohn 3 points4 points ago

[](http://imgur.com/lpie5)

[–]lifetrout 2 points3 points ago

Man, must suck to work with a buncha dorks.

[–]talkingdingo 2 points3 points ago

Captain Ahab would be disappointed.

[–]Liquid_Milk 2 points3 points ago

I dunno... today I got to work on a car where the white trash girl left her poo stained thong hanging from her boyfriends rear view mirror, in the sun during +25c temperatures.

[–]TheDarkGeneral 3 points4 points ago

Don't worry guys, he knows what he's doing, hes a whale biologist...

[–]migzors 4 points5 points ago

[–]dorke 4 points5 points ago

He's trying to see if its a sperm whale.

[–]RegalCabbage 2 points3 points ago

As a furry, I approve.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]parashuvincent 0 points1 point ago

I felt real bad about making him do that.

[–]TheJOakley 0 points1 point ago

Makes me feel a little inferior... Thanks

[–]delorean4me 0 points1 point ago

huba huba

[–]BigBuck_CO 1 point2 points ago

I do this with Humans for a living.

[–]serrit 0 points1 point ago

No my job is good and much better than that one.

[–]SenorSpicyBeans 1 point2 points ago

Jesus. Way to give me a fucking complex over here, Shamu.

[–]Douchexmachina 0 points1 point ago

Um. Where are the balls?

[–]reagan2016 0 points1 point ago

The length/girth ratio is impressive.

[–]laikasghost 0 points1 point ago

"Yeah, thats whale penis."

[–]JCAPS766 -1 points0 points ago

[–]amolad 1 point2 points ago

"Checking whale penis here, boss!"

"Check that penis then, Bubba."

[–]Cantseecolors 0 points1 point ago

Imagine if that's actually just a small one in the whales world....

[–]Havre 0 points1 point ago

He's gonna get home from work and complain about that whale of a customer he had to deal with today.

And he'll be limping.

[–]RebelWithoutAClue 0 points1 point ago

Wow that whale is really into bestiality. What a perv.

[–]Kenny_Login 0 points1 point ago

What a dork...

[–]iwishiwasfapping 0 points1 point ago

I....am....impressed I guess.

[–]TangerineX 0 points1 point ago

This is one place where "IAMAWHALESEXOLOGIST" would really find his place...

[–]b_dobbs 0 points1 point ago

TIL Lexington Steel's ancestry

[–]TigerTigerBurning 1 point2 points ago

That is a beautiful penis

[–]bug20k1 1 point2 points ago

Rule 34.

[–]creativepun 0 points1 point ago

In special Reddit add-on mode, when you hold your mouse over the photo, it says "drag to resize". That made me giggle.

[–]shoulderdeep 0 points1 point ago

whalepenis.com used to have that as its home picture. but sadly the site is no more

[–]capmpants 1 point2 points ago

Something i always say to my coworkers. Yeah you may not like your job, but at least youre not in charge of jerking off the elephants at the zoo.

[–]dseger1 1 point2 points ago

and to think that guy probably spent thousands of dollars on that degree just so he could do what ever it hes doing there

[–]DoctorDeath 0 points1 point ago

Not even wearing any gloves, huh?

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Colemans2014 -1 points0 points ago

I'm just jerking off a killer whale, why use gloves?

[–]MrSm1lez 0 points1 point ago

How did someone get a picture of my dick?

[–]mrhhug 0 points1 point ago

apparently my ex girlfriend would love this.

[–]BlueWhales 0 points1 point ago

That's the good stuff.

[–]Marilio 0 points1 point ago

I like how he only goes for the tip.

JUST THE TIP

[–]razpotnik 0 points1 point ago

EVERYONE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES, MARINELAND!!

[–]sex_with_orcas 0 points1 point ago

Dear god... this is my dream job.

[–]MrAgoo 0 points1 point ago

dork diddler

[–]MrDoe 0 points1 point ago

My job is at least not that flaccid.

[–]muz_89 1 point2 points ago

I've seen bigger

[–]Knollz 1 point2 points ago

Whale dick is still better than customer service.

[–]nullahbullah123 0 points1 point ago

The one time I tell my friends to go on reddit.The one time.

[–]Thanatomania 0 points1 point ago

Sadly, that does look better then what I do for work.

[–]adharasi 0 points1 point ago

the phrase is no longer hung like a horse!

[–]dinkleberg92 0 points1 point ago

This is how I got a criminal record.

[–]KrazyEyezKilla 1 point2 points ago

Whale wanker!

[–]Jarahkii 1 point2 points ago

Think your job is hard? * FTFY

[–]coolbeaNs92 0 points1 point ago

Good lord.

[–]acidus1 1 point2 points ago

Just what the hell is your job?

[–]annoying_guy_w_guns 0 points1 point ago

See you guys, I'll be in some San Diego tonight.

[–]speeb 0 points1 point ago

I can't help but think of this passage from Christopher Moore Fluke... http://imgur.com/kC19o

[–]cocktails365 0 points1 point ago

On the plus side, he gets to calls them like he sees them.

[–]ishallbecomeabat 0 points1 point ago

Your boss is a huge dick.

[–]Mazer7014 0 points1 point ago

My face when I've seen human girls take bigger insertions than a WHALE PENIS.

[–]JohnnyRyall 1 point2 points ago

[–]Kahuna2207 0 points1 point ago

He doesn't work there.

[–]queuedUp 0 points1 point ago

well this one is awesome!

[–]Chilton82 0 points1 point ago

So you're a fluffer at Sea World?

[–]Mild_Misanthropy 0 points1 point ago

I have a feeling a devastating WTF is soon to follow...

[–]bAssKicker 0 points1 point ago

Imagine having that wrapped around your waist. Because they can do that.

[–]greenymile 0 points1 point ago

[–]batigoal 0 points1 point ago

This guy went home with a serious size complex.

[–]whimsicalsteve 1 point2 points ago

Handler: "Yep ... that's a penis..."

[–]Vasilik 0 points1 point ago

Here just let me bring in my friend who happens to be a whale dick and orifice expert.

[–]MrIslander 0 points1 point ago

I never thought I'd see a whale dick. I guess I can cross that off of my "never have I ever" list.

[–]Caesar619 0 points1 point ago

I cant stop imagining the whale talking dirty

"FREEe MY WILLY BITCH!"

[–]Noobhunter127 0 points1 point ago

I have seen enough hentai to know where this is going.

[–]kilo4fun 0 points1 point ago

I've known some women who would probably think that thing isn't girthy enough for them.

[–]anonoman925 0 points1 point ago

what a dork...

[–]richiekk1 0 points1 point ago

fire dpt wants their hose back

[–]shaggyzon4 0 points1 point ago

Most impressive thing about that pic - no gloves.

[–]jgt23 0 points1 point ago

Some dork! Where does that Schwanz go when it's not being jacked off by the help?

[–]alastor136 0 points1 point ago

giving handjobs to an orca does sound pretty horrifying.

[–]UnreasonableReasoner 0 points1 point ago

In search of San Diego.

[–]stownd 0 points1 point ago

FWD:FwD:FWD:FWD:fwd:FWD:FWd:FWD:FWD:fwd:FWD:FWD:FWD:

[–]SocialDetriment 1 point2 points ago

Do you like fish sticks?