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all 144 comments

[–]supermonkey1313 83 points84 points ago

If God is real, why are camels so butt-ugly?

[–]smorf_cat 11 points12 points ago

I like camels.

[–]come_on_seth 12 points13 points ago

Because camel toe is so beautiful.

[–]ManaSyn 11 points12 points ago

If I was a theist, I would simply tell you that God made camels ugly to make sure his middle-eastern, Bronze Age followers would not rape them.

Think of it as a camel-Burka.

[–]supermonkey1313 1 point2 points ago

I laughed like an idiot for too long at that. Good job, sir.

[–]SomeFakeInternetName 19 points20 points ago

Checkmate.

[–]Nice_Dude 1 point2 points ago

One word: Spiders

[–]GETTING_ABDUCTED 0 points1 point ago

I think it's because they

[–]supermonkey1313 1 point2 points ago

They what? Tell me what they did!

[–]theobanger 1 point2 points ago

His username was his plea for help. I hope he's ok.

[–]supermonkey1313 0 points1 point ago

Oh shit. I didn't even notice that. I have a new favourite novelty account.

[–]This_is_This 0 points1 point ago

I didn't see him say Candlejack, where could he h

[–]Americium 43 points44 points ago

Alan Turing (yes, that Alan Turing who is the father of modern computing) figured out why animals have stripes and spots on them.

Spoiler: It isn't God (it's chemical interactions).

Edit:

Here's a quick run down of his ideas: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chemical_Basis_of_Morphogenesis

Here's his paper: http://www.dna.caltech.edu/courses/cs191/paperscs191/turing.pdf

[–]FaptainAwesome 14 points15 points ago

But he's not in the bible!

[–]Americium 8 points9 points ago

Not yet...

[–]Paladinoras 2 points3 points ago

He is in the online edition.

[–]jschall2 7 points8 points ago

He was also castrated by a bunch of fucking fundie cunts for being gay.

[–]Kanolie 2 points3 points ago

Well chemical castration isn't the same as regular castration but it was still terrible nonetheless.

[–]yuper456 1 point2 points ago

Modern science is far more advanced than the 1950s. What Turing was subjected to was far worse and it destroyed his body. He became impotent, grew breasts, lost his ability to concentrate and even when he stopped taking the drugs his body didn't fully recover.

[–]zipzap21 1 point2 points ago

I just checked the link. It's another theory.

Checkmate!

[–]naturalalchemy 0 points1 point ago

That's not so much why as how.

A man called Hugh Cott was one of the first to write about why animals have certain patterns and colours.

Cott, Hugh B. Adaptive Coloration in Animals. Methuen, London, 1940

Pretty much any paper on animal colouration/patterning will at some point reference him.

[–]Zkate15 21 points22 points ago

After reading this, I quickly ran down to my local church and asked to be saved. I now will proceed to unsubscribe from r/atheism.

P.S. I will pray for you all.

[–]Americoma 2 points3 points ago

Did it work?

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

I felt some warmth in my body and was sure I was being touched by the Lord.

Then I farted and it smelt bad.

[–]Crankrune 2 points3 points ago

God = Just gas.

[–]Zkate15 7 points8 points ago

So, it turns out I had food poisoning and was hallucinating. I have once again left the church and subscribed to r/atheism.

P.S. I am no longer praying for you all.

[–]uchuskies08 1 point2 points ago

totally

[–]I_PISS_HAIR 19 points20 points ago

Welp, pack it up guys. He totally just proved us wrong.

[–]quadriplegic_cheetah 2 points3 points ago

ya, we best be gettin' out a here.

[–]Anzai 17 points18 points ago

Why does man feel guilty when he sins?

Because YOU tell him to feel guilty about it, you idiots! I don't feel guilty when I commit the vast majority of things that are considered sins. Well, except for that time I coveted my neighbours ox and his donkey. I had to whip myself repeatedly for days, until I developed a secret whipping fetish which I subsequently felt guilty about enjoying, so I had to go to confession.

[–]HarryMcDowell 3 points4 points ago

I see you're Catholic.

[–]Anzai 3 points4 points ago

Guilt is just so much more fun than pleasure. Plus I love the fact that almost every time I have sex, I also have a child, whilst feeling guilty about the sex in the first place. It's a double punishment. What's not to love about that.

[–]magicmagininja 15 points16 points ago

my cat doesn't have stripes checkmate atheists.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

And mine does so double checkmate Atheists!

[–]killbot350 11 points12 points ago

You should just order that Triple Delight and enjoy yourself.

[–]radnum 3 points4 points ago

Lol, you beat me to it. OPs post has given me a craving for Chinese food. Might go order myself some sang choy bow :)

[–]cited 11 points12 points ago

All domestic cats have stripes, even solid colored ones - those are just harder to see. It's controlled by the agouti gene.

[–]helllomoto -4 points-3 points ago

WOW YOU ATHEISTS SURE ARE WICKED SMART.

[–]berberine 0 points1 point ago

I have a British Bombay. Is the all black hairs just a recessive allele that covers the dominant allele (presumably where the stripes would come from) or is it something else? I'm pretty shaky on the alleles as it's been a while since I had any science classes.

[–]cited 1 point2 points ago

Color and agouti are two seperate genes. Here is some reading on it.

[–]lct10102 8 points9 points ago

I like how they grouped Margret Sanger with Hitler, because feminism is exactly like the Holocaust. Exactly

[–]jlking3 0 points1 point ago

After so much of Rush calling the people in the movement "feminazis" for decades, I'm not surprised that people group the two together.

[–]Fauxmega 6 points7 points ago

"Why does anyone have a will?" Should that ask, "Why does anyone have free will?" What a stupid page full of words.

[–]Delaywaves 3 points4 points ago

Oh. At first I thought it meant "why do people write wills", like, the list of things you give to people after you die, and that made even less sense.

[–]SporkMouse 3 points4 points ago

That's how I originally interpreted it, as well.

[–]Cairo9o9 4 points5 points ago

I love how it says atheism attributes the beauty of the universe to a mere nothingness. That really rustles my jimmies. Christians are the ones who are fine with looking at this beautiful universe, and the life within it and blow it off saying "God did it". Us atheists see this beauty and the 'miracle' that life really is. That the chances of life happening are one in a million, and the creation of our universe guaranteed this possibility. WE are the ones not satisfied with such a simple answer but want to discover the true meaning of our surroundings.

[–]TotallyNotThatOneGuy 16 points17 points ago

This verse gave me cancer.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]ironykarl -1 points0 points ago

It is, however, a proposition.

[–]proselitigator -1 points0 points ago

Both propositions are absurd. Atheism and theism both claim knowledge about something other than existence, supposedly acquired by observing existence and drawing inferences from those observations. To even try to define "God" is an impossibility. The closest thing to a rational definition is "the limits of our consciousness." Whatever we can conceive of or imagine in a semi-coherent way is reality. Whenever we run into a brick wall of circularity and unintelligibility, we call it God. While we may be able to move the wall so that our understanding of reality is greater, the wall will never disappear. For every answer, there will always be at least one more question.

[–]Zorku 0 points1 point ago

Well no, miracles are specifically this thing where God steps in and starts fiddling with reality. Right there you've got this thing where god crosses into reality, at least in the cause and effect sense. A LOT of theists use miracles as evidence of their god and a lot of atheists find this pattern to miracles where they're really nothing that requires divine intervention and they specifically don't happen in cases where they ought to if various sorts of gods were causing them.

Atheism doesn't quite work as this polar opposite to theism when it comes to claims about reality though- you're atheist just for not being convinced that gods exist. There's this whole range of different certainties that can go behind that. Theism though- well can you be a theist if you're not sure that there are any gods? Not by any definition I've ever heard.

If you want to deal with people who outright deny any possible existence of gods then you've got to be more specific than just "atheists."

[–]Tannerleaf -5 points-4 points ago

If anything, I would have thought that Atheism would be classed as "false"; after all it's a total lack of belief...

[–]Americium 4 points5 points ago

...

...wut?

[–]Tannerleaf 0 points1 point ago

exactly!

[–]lorez77 -1 points0 points ago

It's not a total lack of belief. It's the belief deities are not in the realm of existing things. From wikipedia: The term atheism originated from the Greek ἄθεος (atheos), meaning "without god(s)".

[–]Tannerleaf 0 points1 point ago

Hm, that's pretty interesting, thanks!

I don't think I ever believed in any gods at all; from a child, the notion of supernatural events and beings always seemed somehow fake.

And I've never been particularly superstitious... The funny thing is though, I live in Japan, and I sometimes use a Daruma doll for certain important projects; I've no idea if it works or not, but everything's been good so far.

[–]lorez77 0 points1 point ago

I've never believed cos I've been raised as an atheist.

Well, I think it's a very human behavior to try and control something which is important to us/which scares us even when we can't cos the event doesn't depend on us. Basically I think that's how religion were born. Men were scared say by thunders, had no way of control em or understand em, they imagined some deity producing em, they tried to control thunders by being good with the deity, making offers.

[–]HermesTheMessenger 5 points6 points ago

A prediction for the pamphlet author's future;

During the judicial review of the case, the defendant spoke on their behalf, saying "And the bugs! The bugs! They're crawling out of my EYES!". The review was brief and professional, remanding the defendant to mandatory psychological review at at secure facility.

[–]flaxtonnd 4 points5 points ago

Damnit, they finally came up with too good of an argument to be refuted. I'm converting.

[–]quadriplegic_cheetah 5 points6 points ago

A couple of years ago I noticed my cat had stripes. I have been a christian ever since.

[–]flaxtonnd 1 point2 points ago

I found something else! Okay atheists, if God isn't real, then why is the sky blue when outer space is black? God's wonders amaze me every day.

[–]Lurkerhereduh 5 points6 points ago

Thousands of years ago cats were worshiped as Gods. They have never forgotten this.

[–]mycatismygod 0 points1 point ago

My cat enforces this idea. ;)

[–]WolfySnackrib 5 points6 points ago

Scientifically impossible for nothing to create everything? First of all, that's not what science has said about how the big bang occurred. Secondly, there's a scientific version of nothing that there's a theory around which says that something can indeed come from nothing, if you define that nothing as empty space that contains gravity. Gravity can contain positive and negative energy and thanks to the laws of quantum mechanics, empty space plus gravity will produce energy.

[–]Calypsee 3 points4 points ago

Why do I have a will? So that the government doesn't take my assets when I die. Isn't that why everybody has a will?

[–]Baby_Punter 2 points3 points ago

Should have highlighted everything.

[–]mayonade 2 points3 points ago

This reminds me of the "The Banana, The Atheist's Nightmare" on YouTube. I always wanted to do a "The Pineapple, The Creationists Nightmare" in response...

[–]Portponky 1 point2 points ago

It's been done, in a bit of a rambling way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HW06Wz_R74

[–]mayonade 2 points3 points ago

Fucking internet! I swear every time I think I have a creative idea its been done before.

[–]hboson 2 points3 points ago

A classic example portraying the stupidity index of creationists.

[–]Discord_agent 3 points4 points ago

I feel cheated! My cat doesn't have pretty stripes, it is just boring solid color.

[–]Trinitykill 3 points4 points ago

What the hell does atheism have to do with Hitler? (above paragraph in pic) Hitler was a Christian.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

because people have bred them to have those stripes.... and cats used to use those fur colorings as camoflage

[–]meantamrajean 7 points8 points ago

Shut up you're making sense and challenging my faith. Persecutor!

[–]hercs95 3 points4 points ago

BURN THIS HEATHEN!!!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

im not persecuting you im just stating a fact!!!

[–]meantamrajean 0 points1 point ago

Facts shmacts! I don't need your facts I have jeebus! plugs ears LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

[–]xBlazingBladex 1 point2 points ago

Evilution also apparently caused Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, Margaret Sanger, and Columbine!

[–]evolsteve 0 points1 point ago

If "positive" atheism were true...

[–]airportstyle -1 points0 points ago

Wat

[–]Hirchak91 0 points1 point ago

I liked the "Why does man feel guilty for sins" part, a few words down, I don't feel guilty for living. Do you?

[–]len0re 1 point2 points ago

My all gray cat is disappoint.

[–]andresm3131 1 point2 points ago

if atheism is true

there is no dogma! why cant they understand that

[–]Tonstantweader 0 points1 point ago

Why can't purveyors of tripe learn to kern their materials?

[–]mastersoup 0 points1 point ago

stripes come in, stripes go out. stripes come in, stripes go out. you cant explain that.

[–]Googalyfrog 1 point2 points ago

the stripes are obviously camouflage, and red/orange colouring on a tiger's coat is actually also camouflage, in a dense forest red light is easily absorbed and cannot be seen well, that why alot of fish (such as snapper) which live in the ocean are also red as the water absorbs red light very quickly

[–]xamctbo 0 points1 point ago

Oh the irony of he Chinese menu...

[–]SporkMouse 1 point2 points ago

I don't know, guys, this seems like a pretty sound argument to me.

[–]tinamou63 0 points1 point ago

Anyone else read the menu?

[–]imakitty 0 points1 point ago

Well I mean the book does make a fair point, We are the lords of this realm.

[–]lisichka0430 0 points1 point ago

Well Jesus Christ! That's what I've been looking for all along!

[–]Willyjwade 0 points1 point ago

Wat. I don't even... how did this even strike them as a point to argue.

[–]IamUnimportant 1 point2 points ago

My cat has no fur. Has god abandoned my cat

[–]come_on_seth 1 point2 points ago

Yes

[–]Hyperderpityderp 0 points1 point ago

Eloi, eloi. Lama sabachtani.

[–]come_on_seth 0 points1 point ago

Hodgson

[–]Prophecy07 0 points1 point ago

Damn. They got me there! Atheism must be false.

[–]empgodot 0 points1 point ago

Why can't we have pretty things? :(

[–]gnusounduave 0 points1 point ago

Did you order the tripple delight? I mean i clearly see jumbo shrimp listed in there. Jumbo shrimp you can't explain that.

[–]Cheeseducksg 1 point2 points ago

I hate it when they try to use questions as evidence. They aren't asking "Why do cats have pretty stripes?" (a question easily answered by evolution). They are declaring that cats have pretty stripes because god created them that way.

[–]steakmeout 0 points1 point ago

Explain the Platypus. Checkmate Crazy Nutjob in Magical Underpants.

[–]Cpt_Genocide 0 points1 point ago

This is it, this is the argument that turns reddit atheists.

[–]come_on_seth 0 points1 point ago

And if the author of this was shown how cat fur patterns disrupt their preys ability to see them, the author would praise god for his wisdom rather than acknowledge it as further evidence of evolution.

[–]dominicandeath 0 points1 point ago

plz post the entire packet i must read the stupidity

[–]HumanTargetVIII 0 points1 point ago

S11........Triple Delight!!!!!

[–]rectangl 1 point2 points ago

If god exists why did he let you full-justify your pamphlet?

[–]asdfman4 1 point2 points ago

There is no god and that awful spacing proves it.

[–]TragicOne 0 points1 point ago

Man. I don't ever feel guilty when I sin with my hand.

[–]fixthecopier 1 point2 points ago

I knew God was real when I looked down and saw that my dick had stripes. No wait, maybe that is just an STD.

[–]absch 0 points1 point ago

Really? Just really?

[–]polarbear2217 1 point2 points ago

Serious question: are some cats colorful because they are more likely to be spotted by a mate? Isn't that one of the reasons for a butterfly to be colorful?

[–]bogan 2 points3 points ago

For why some large cats, such as leopards and tigers have patterened coats, see Why Do Tigers Have Stripes?

Though their sense of smell and hearing is much keener than ours, housecats have poor color vision.

domestic cats have rather poor color vision and (like most non-primate mammals) have only two types of cones, optimized for sensitivity to blue and yellowish green; they have limited ability to distinguish between red and green, although they can achieve this in some conditions.

Reference: Cats

Housecats can be colorful due to human breeding efforts or simply because coat patterns that could make them conspicuous to prey aren't being selected out of the population, because humans are ensuring the survival of those with such patterns.

Birds and some other creatures are brightly colored to attract mates. The male peacock's gorgeous plumage indicates to females that it is healthy and not suffering from genetic weaknesses that would make it difficult for it to acquire sustenance needed to maintain its beautiful feathers.

Biological ornaments are used in courtship displays in many species, especially insects, fish, and birds. A well known ornament used in courting displays is seen in peafowls. Male peacocks spread and shake their tails to attract and impress potential mates. Peahens choose the peacocks with the largest number of eyespots on their tails, because only the healthiest peacocks can afford to divert energy and nutrients towards growing expensive and cumbersome plumage, as explained by the handicap principle. More elaborate ornamentation increases the likelihood that a male will mate and has been shown to affect survival of their offspring. The offspring of males with larger eyespots on their ornamented tails have been shown to weigh more and were more likely to be alive after 2 years than the progeny of males with fewer eyespots.

Reference: Biological ornament: Use in courtship displays

As for butterflies, see Why do butterflies have so many different colors? How do these colors help them? and Why do butterflies come in so many different colors?.

[–]Schobbo 1 point2 points ago

"If atheism were true"... what the fuck am I reading?
atheism is not something that can be "true or false"

[–]bookant 1 point2 points ago

It's maybe not the best choice of words, but it's not that far off the mark. There either is or is not some kind of "god." If there is not one, then those of us who do not believe in one are "correct" in our lack of belief ie "atheism is true."

[–]electrikyle 1 point2 points ago

Every one of those arguments was based on human perception. Cats have pretty stripes, insects are beautiful, where does personality come from.

It's like whoever wrote this started skipping science class in 1st grade..

[–]Shutupcrime1337 1 point2 points ago

it gets dumber as you read further.

[–]bogan 1 point2 points ago

If atheism were true, why do cats have pretty stripes on them? Why do the millions of insect species have such startling beauty? Why does man feel guilty when he sins? Why does anyone have a will? Where did personality come from? On top of all this, it is considered, of course!) scientifically impossible for nothing to create anything, much less, for nothing to create everything!

Creationists who point to creatures humans find beautiful as evidence of a divine creation by their god Yahweh seem blind to other less pleasing inhabitants of the Earth.

UK national treasure David Attenborough revealed this week that he gets hate mail from creationists for not crediting God for the wonders of nature in his documentaries.

"They always mean beautiful things like hummingbirds," he told Radio Times magazine. "I always reply by saying that I think of a little child in east Africa with a worm burrowing through his eyeball. The worm cannot live in any other way, except by burrowing through eyeballs."

Reference: Eye-burrowing worms, national treasures... and creationism

That is one of the silliest arguments I've encountered for creationism. I understand some biologists might find some parasites "beautiful." But few others would. E.g., see Doctors in Honduras removed a 2 centimeter long botfly larva from a child's eye socket. Warning: Not for the squeamish. Or see Mark Twain's writings on the fly What kind of god designs such creatures to plague mankind and other creatures?

And for the last argument that it is impossible for nothing to create anything, then what created Yahweh? Was it some other god? There were some early Christians such as the Gnostics and Marcionites who believed the creator god of the Old Testament was a lesser god, a demiurge.

And if they say "God has always existed", one could as well say that we live in an oscillating universe with no beginning nor an end. Even if one accepted the cosmological argument that there was a "first cause" that was itself uncaused doesn't necessarily mean that first cause was an anthropomorphic god such as most Christians envision. One might just as well call that first cause "Nature." The American architect, writer, and educator Frank Lloyd Wright wrote:

I believe in God, only I spell it "Nature".

Or as Daniel Henson wrote in the Dossier of Reason

This is special pleading. It is an argument that says all laws of logic apply except for in my special case. If you can continue to ask where the matter or cause came from to cause something comes from an infinite amount of times, why should we accept the answer of god as the final answer? What caused god? How did something come from nothing and make god? What is the difference between a universe that was created by a god that always existed and and a universe that has always existed? Why is it unreasonable to suggest an infinite multi-verse as one possibility, but reasonable to suggest an infinite god? Assuming god is the answer does not solve the initial problem. Why add a unobservable layer to what we actually can observe and then give it special properties that violate what we can observe?

[–]HavanAle 0 points1 point ago

Did the top part claim that the atrocities of Hitler, Stalin, and Columbine are all the product of evolution?

[–]mechanate 0 points1 point ago

Religion can't really deal in facts, so it is forced to appeal to emotion. The only way to effectively appeal to emotion is to compare atheism to the things that make them feel the worst.

[–]im_eating_popcorn 1 point2 points ago

Humans are a "product" of evolution so they are quite right on that point actually

[–]HavanAle 0 points1 point ago

that's what I was thinking, but trying to disprove evolution by saying evolution exists is just...stupid

[–]Doopies -1 points0 points ago

how is a singularity nothing

[–]Oxygg 0 points1 point ago

God exists because of the beautiful.

turns a blind eye on the ugly

[–]chef_emerald 0 points1 point ago

Oh, so that's what they're for!

[–]CosmicBard 0 points1 point ago

The one after is just as priceless.

"Why are insects so beautiful?"

Be...cause that's a subjective determination? Jesus fucking christ, some people need to learn how to write. Or think, whatever.

[–]sssp123 0 points1 point ago

Lol "It's impossible for nothing to create something"

EXCEPT GOD!

[–]thatgamerguy 0 points1 point ago

Why does man feel guilty when he sins?

Drinking beer after having had premarital sex

What now?

[–]mycatismygod 0 points1 point ago

For all those complaining that this argument doesn't account for the non-pretty things, I have the creationist/fundamentalist background to explain. See, those icky, nasty, mean critters appeared AFTER the fall of man. Checkmate, atheists!

EDIT: And/or they changed in habits/appearance after the fall.

[–]Zorku 0 points1 point ago

Last time I ran into somebody using that it was butterfly wings and I tried to explain how they (often) create the spots using the same patterning genes that establish where the feet are going to be in the caterpillar. There was zero comprehension there and I really should have switched tactics much sooner- probably something more philosophical.

[–]Snickersthecat 1 point2 points ago

As a cat I can confirm God gave me pretty stripes. Also, my fur is soft so people pet me :3.

[–]EHRMAHGERHD 1 point2 points ago

Then I saw its stripes...

NOW I'M A BELIEVER!

[–]kegman83 0 points1 point ago

I remember reading an article about domesticated cats regarding stuff like this. Stripes. Pretty stripes? So humans like pretty striped cats? So they are more likely to be around humans than ugly cats? Eventually all cats develop pretty stripes when you kill off or dont feed the ugly ones.

Natural selection baby!

[–]dc469 1 point2 points ago

Well then... who are we as the internet to argue with cats?

[–]lettheflowgo 1 point2 points ago

because Chinese food.

[–]foodgoesinryan 0 points1 point ago

Fuck, they got us.

[–]Justx_The_Tip 0 points1 point ago

Guess I'm going to church tomorrow...

[–]jdyates -1 points0 points ago

As a Christian (probably get downvoted for that...) stuff like this absolutely sickens me. I would like to point out to my fellow redditors that even us Christians frown on these people. They are absolute hypocrites. It states in the bible (I haven't even read the whole thing) that we, as Christians, shouldn't judge people. These fuckers give us a bad name by going around bitching about gays, lesbians, pot smokers, etc.

I am a Christian. I cuss, I love weed, and I DO NOT go around judging people by their life choices or how they look. There are TONS like me. These type of people give us "chill Christians" a bad name. We are actually pretty cool when you get to know us.

To be clear, I realize alot of things I do are considered "sins". That's literally the reason almost none of my friends know of my religion. I never speak of religion. I have my personal beliefs, so do you atheists. And that's perfectly fine.

[–]come_on_seth 4 points5 points ago

If you don't go to the gym and stare at a monitor all day, are you still a bodybuilder if you call yourself a bodybuilder?