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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]NotaMethAddict 1997 points1998 points ago

[–]that_thing_you_do 295 points296 points ago

Damn that was ALMOST an even more awesome reaction from Simon.... He was thiiiisss close to spitting out his drink.

[–]NewDrekSilver 2233 points2234 points ago

Wow, those judges are giant pieces of shit. Except Simon.

[–]beermepodcast 492 points493 points ago

Simon almost gave us a spit take. That would have been perfect.

[–]Roboticide 132 points133 points ago

I'm glad I watched the video for that. I just thought he was laughing.

Didn't realize he just took a big sip of Coke.

[–]lkyz 33 points34 points ago

Pepsi*

[–]TheShader 890 points891 points ago

I don't know anything about this Demi girl, but she definitely comes off as someone who had her career handed to her.

[–]NewDrekSilver 692 points693 points ago

Magic of Disney.

[–]tekufah98 545 points546 points ago

That's because she did. disney camp since elementary.

[–]Phoenixone 1847 points1848 points ago

Which is weird and backward...

[–]Ast_risk 111 points112 points ago

I find that Simon has always been the only one to give it to the talents straight. He cuts the bullshit, "Oh, it might not be for you, so sorry, maybe you can try better next time." No, if you suck, he'll tell you.

[–]sheerheartattack 997 points998 points ago

I don't think Simon's a piece of shit, I just think he's British.

If you watch British television, all they ever do is take the piss out of one another, with clever wit and honesty.

[–]Clark-Kent 1513 points1514 points ago

It's called banter you cunt

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Awfy 446 points447 points ago

Actually, it was a marriage proposal.

[–]ropers 163 points164 points ago

You may be surprised to find out that lots of Brits too think that Simon's a bit of a bell-end.

[–]stevo42 36 points37 points ago

Was thinking that it meant he was on both sides of a bell curve

[–]Alix1723 35 points36 points ago

For those not aware: "Bell-End" = Penis head.

This message brought to you by Fucking Curse Words International inc.

[–]NewDrekSilver 1360 points1361 points ago

Well they're just hiring famous names nowadays, instead of decent people. I mean fucking Britney Spears? Bitch should be honored that anyone pays attention to her anymore.

[–]Syclops 849 points850 points ago

gonna be a good corn harvest this year

[–]mybillionthaccount 350 points351 points ago

I wish I understood this, because it seems really funny.

[–]thoughtfelon 422 points423 points ago

His reply to Britney should've been something along the lines of "I can't seem that creepy to you... You used to style your hair just like mine."

[–]fs200vids 149 points150 points ago

Suddenly I'm sad this didn't happen...

[–]Ayatrollah_Khomatmei 62 points63 points ago

He came prepared with a zinger for Anonymous Brunette Bitch, but not for Britney. Shame.

[–]homeless_in_london 182 points183 points ago

Jesus I never saw her outside of her music videos and from that video she grates on me like a motherfucker. He stupid accent and comments, has she ever heard herself sing live? What the fuck.

[–]db0255 224 points225 points ago

"I don't know who let you on stage, but I feel uncomfortable with you even staring at me."

"Is he serious??"

That last comment is burned into my ears.

[–]IAmAQuantumMechanic 167 points168 points ago

She feels uncomfortable because he's not afraid to tell the truth.

[–]Jaf207 36 points37 points ago

She looks like she's on crack.

[–]youstolemyname 146 points147 points ago

HOLY SHIT she was a bitch

[–]Jigsus 153 points154 points ago

Holy shit the blonde bitch is britney?! She looks terrible.

[–]Anth741 106 points107 points ago

Photoshop wont save her now.

[–]FlyingPasta 1488 points1489 points ago

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE

[–]mrsalty1 331 points332 points ago

We tried, but she just kept coming back.

[–]oh_bruddah 716 points717 points ago

Shut up, Chris. Your 15 minutes has been over for years.

[–]PerilPhoSho 606 points607 points ago

LEAVE CHRIS ALONE!

[–]SpaceShrimp 430 points431 points ago

Shut up, Britney!

[–]RuDreading 283 points284 points ago

This ends now.

[–]GazUtd 510 points511 points ago

Shut the fuck up Donny.

[–]propaglandist 156 points157 points ago

Hello, welcome to American Idol*.

*Or whatever this one technically is.

[–]Alix1723 47 points48 points ago

X Idol Factor's Got Talent!

[–]supercamman 403 points404 points ago

Demi- What she said- "Actually..." What she was thinking- "damn he's really got me there"

[–]killiangray 490 points491 points ago

UM ACKSHULLY...

[–]pooterpon 55 points56 points ago

"I don't feel comfortable with you here" is pretty much saying "I don't feel comfortable not being the only one talking down to others".

That's really fucking sad.

[–]LolaBot22 1055 points1056 points ago

Disney mass produces "talent." Who does Britney think she is. I really dislike her after her comment...Let's be honest, she isn't that great

[–]NoCowLevel 648 points649 points ago

The way she says it is so condescending and smug I just want to cock slap her.

[–]teusz16 235 points236 points ago

So her comment didn't change anything?

[–]NoCowLevel 397 points398 points ago

Well I am gay, so the comment adds the cock slap.

[–]TheCynicalMidget 241 points242 points ago

She's so condescending that she makes gay guys want to cock slap her. That's an accomplishment.

[–]Turbineblade666 160 points161 points ago

Haha. GAY COCK SLAP. critical hit.

[–]DollyPart-time 95 points96 points ago

^ band name ^

[–]steakbake 152 points153 points ago

She looks totally doped up.

[–]DNAsly 167 points168 points ago

"I don't feel comfortable with you on stage... but that might change after I smoke some more meth."

[–]cityroasted 66 points67 points ago

The first day on set she had a panic attack and tried to quit then and there. Would not surprise me in the least if they have her on Xanax or something.

[–]nick041 299 points300 points ago

Wow. I didn't think I could hate Spears more until I watched that video.

[–]moogoesthecat 149 points150 points ago

I agree. She laid on the bitch face way too thick; also, she sounded drugged.

[–]Awkward_Lubricant 391 points392 points ago

1) Who the fuck is Demi Lovato 2) Britney Spears is still alive/relevant? Good for her. 3) Did Cee Lo lose weight?

[–]NickInTheBack 36 points37 points ago

  1. Disney "star"

  2. She's not, that's why she's on The X Factor with Demi Lovato

  3. That's L.A. Reid, he's a producer for people ranging from Justin Bieber to Dido.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 148 points149 points ago

...Did you just make that?

[–]PorchMonkeyKike 65 points66 points ago

[–]Had_To_Switch 2193 points2194 points ago

I'm sure Simon reevaluated that man's talent after that comment.

[–]Riddlr 435 points436 points ago

[–]Punchee 114 points115 points ago

When you watch it in super slow mo like I just did because my internet is being shit today you can literally see the thought process--

"Alright.. said my piece, takin a drink while he leaves the stage" "Wait.. what did he say?" "OH GOD I LOVE THIS MAN"

[–]One_More_Comment 1795 points1796 points ago

Likeness factor: 100%

[–]TheCuntDestroyer 1031 points1032 points ago

X factor: 0%

[–]ExtraCheesed_Buddha 891 points892 points ago

But Likeness factor: 100%

[–]UILHOK 899 points900 points ago

Butt Likeness factor: 50%

[–]CAPS_LOCK_LIAR 1358 points1359 points ago

But Loch Ness Monster: 350%

[–]Science_the_mouse 720 points721 points ago

You get outta here Loch Ness monsta you aint getting no tree fiddy!

[–]aelzeiny 736 points737 points ago

[–]oogieogie 243 points244 points ago

i can mold him to become just like me.

[–]ExtraCheesed_Buddha 78 points79 points ago

I'm sure that man will go far

[–]a_red_crayola 657 points658 points ago

CHERYL COLE 1

BRITNEY SPEARS 0

[–]terry_has_boots 76 points77 points ago

How sweet of her! She doesn't usually do anything for me, but what a lovely thing to do.

[–]mikwow 222 points223 points ago

That's the difference between a classy woman and two talentless cunts.

[–]gepinniw 115 points116 points ago

That was sweet. Thanks.

[–]juniper17 54 points55 points ago

God damn she is beautiful.

[–]long_live_king_melon 14 points15 points ago

Inside and out man. There need to be more women like her.

[–]dr2195 67 points68 points ago

Damn man, making me feel all fuzzy inside.

[–]torbiajfj 24 points25 points ago

She comes off sooo lovely there.

[–]togepi258 22 points23 points ago

That was incredible. So many feels :D

[–]polysyllabist 41 points42 points ago

Can I passionately plea for others to upvote this to the top?

Class and dignity astride a festering pool of arrogance and hubris

[–]mindlock 28 points29 points ago

For real! Can we bring her back to the US X Factor again? She didn't deserve to be cut :(

[–]sass_pea 978 points979 points ago

"Actually........I have no good comeback for this."

[–]Time_for_Stories 791 points792 points ago

Told:                          [ ]
Not Told:                      [ ]
Knights of the Told Republic:  [x]

[–]Slyxdexic 310 points311 points ago

No Country for Told Men:     [x]

[–]buster2Xk 63 points64 points ago

Battletolds:     [x]

[–]preventDefault 1053 points1054 points ago

...but you have a penis so I'll call you a creeper.

</MensRights>

[–]ohd33r 34 points35 points ago

yeah her reaction to his comment is really annoying. she immediately tries to make him see weird and creepy after she gets destroyed lolol

[–]Nimzo 429 points430 points ago

That cunt's comment more than anything else made me angry.

[–]tornadosgoOMNOM 336 points337 points ago

just her voice. idk when girls unanimously decided that sounding fucking retarded is actractive

[–]werferofflammen 197 points198 points ago

early to mid 90's

[–]IM_IN_YOUR_BATHTUB 250 points251 points ago

Simon's face is priceless.

Here's a link to the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAEwDZ0b9-U

[–]Harnessed 349 points350 points ago

I want to know what Demi was going to say after saying "actually..."

[–]Skychronicles 221 points222 points ago

She didn't have anything to say i think, that's why she made the long pause.

[–]Reesch 54 points55 points ago

She looked away after saying it, trying to find some help.

[–]fourvalleys 17 points18 points ago

Yep. I think she had something to say but then realize the whole list of "responses to that" was bad. She can't claim not to use autotune or tell him he sucks... The former because it's probably a lie and the latter because he already basically said "at least I suck honestly."

However, reality tv is stupid, because there's no reason this guy should be on anyway other than TV. There are undoubtedly numerous auditions before this... To some degree, this is staged. Maybe not scripted, but definitely at least partially a set-up.

[–]Stinkfoot_Bob 496 points497 points ago

"Actually... you are right, I'm a low rent talentless little shit-skid who gave fellatio to Mickey Mouse in order to suck start my career, no matter how rich or famous I become, I can still hear him laughing, taunting me"

[–]symmitchry 193 points194 points ago

suck start my career

Amazing. How have I not heard this before?!

[–]Mimble_Wimble 37 points38 points ago

Technically, you still haven't.

[–]tiny_danger 2098 points2099 points ago

"I'm uncomfortable with you even looking at me."
She's just being snotty because he has a point - without autotune and slick production, neither of those girls would have a career.

[–]drewuke 1311 points1312 points ago

"I don't know who even let you on stage."

Great thing for a judge to say. What a douche.

[–]SevenShadesofPoo 1513 points1514 points ago

He should've replied with "I wanna know who let you out of rehab."

[–]Draedon 1099 points1100 points ago

That much burn and the entire building might blaze aflame.

[–]vegetaman 203 points204 points ago

The fire marshall wouldn't allow it, lol.

[–]Hyper1on 220 points221 points ago

Then say "Maybe I should be a comedian." Leave the stage to wild applause.

[–]goten100 52 points53 points ago

We need to invent a time machine to make this happen.

[–]DeadlyPear 68 points69 points ago

Yep, we must invent a time machine, not to see dinosaurs and shit, but to propel this man into a new level of greatness this world hasn't seen before.

[–]sldorange91 89 points90 points ago

zing.

[–][deleted] 1741 points1742 points ago

I love how they have no good response but "omg you creeper who let you in?"

[–]MarcBoudy7 1773 points1774 points ago

resorting to classic mean girl tactics

[–]Merlons 568 points569 points ago

Then again i wouldn't expect anything more from either of them.

[–]Crim91 98 points99 points ago

When it comes to girls who've gotten everything they've ever wanted in life without putting in effort, would anyone expect that?

[–]alreadytakenusername 271 points272 points ago

I think the term "mean girls" is a way nicer term for what they really are.

[–]Cunty_McCuntington 997 points998 points ago

Cunts?

[–]bdog2g2 413 points414 points ago

I'm going on a hunch here, but it seems you have a certain affinity for that word.

Just pulling that out of left field.

[–]Artistic_Quotes 10 points11 points ago

[–]ArchangelleOPisAfag 140 points141 points ago

'Bitch, wasn't your entire career based off of 14 year old boys masturbating to your "music"?'

[–]palanoid 662 points663 points ago

Britney Spears' live, isolated microphone feed. Unbelievable.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FU3aAEayUE

[–]polysyllabist 316 points317 points ago

Oh god, that was rough to listen to.

I'd like to see Britney do the Undercover Karaoke test.

Jewel passed. And if you can't, you need to seriously question your merit.

[–]ImBored_YoureAmorous 86 points87 points ago

I am now in love with Jewel.

[–]myusernamesaretaken 32 points33 points ago

Back of the line, bub, it ends over there, back in 1995.

[–]theundiscoveredcolor 20 points21 points ago

Hha thats awesome. The girl at 4:05 is totally depressed. And the dude at the end jogging away.

[–]royisabau5 16 points17 points ago

That was a good watch... Thanks

[–]Xanthan81 11 points12 points ago

Love the girl, "Wow, she sounds just like Jewel!" And the guy who said that Karen sounded slightly better.

[–]sammienglish 51 points52 points ago

I consider myself to be a pretty good singer. But even if this was real, I can understand sounding like complete shit while running and dancing.

Being out of breath when you are trying to sing always ends in disaster.

Edit: Broadway Musicals are the exception. I guess that's why I'm not in Cats.

[–]barbequeninja 93 points94 points ago

I'm not a huge fan of her music, but Pink runs a few miles every day on a treadmill, WHILE SINGING, to avoid this.

[–]coleosis1414 98 points99 points ago

Theatre major here.

When we do musicals, the entire cast goes to the rec center and sings through the score while running on treadmills.

It seems ridiculous, but it's completely necessary. Singing and dancing is not easy, and technique is only half the battle. Breath stamina is the other half.

[–]gforce289 57 points58 points ago

Thats what I was thinking. Broadway singers run around on stage and sound great. There's no excuse.

[–]Goatblower111 134 points135 points ago

I made it to 1:24, where's my medal?

[–]ButterMyBiscuit 24 points25 points ago

2:36, bitch.

[–]JonBjSig 21 points22 points ago

pfff, weakling, I watched the entire video.

Wait, I don't think that's a good thing.

[–]aFilthyAristocrat 192 points193 points ago

Holy Fucking Christ.

[–]BowlerNerd 152 points153 points ago

Hate to interrupt the circlejerk, but if she's lip synching and is hearing the recorded version instead of her own voice at the time, she couldn't possibly keep in tune. You have to be able to hear yourself. I don't care for her music and think she's pretty crazy, but I just wanted to point that out.

[–]unr3a1r00t 13 points14 points ago

Is this really real? Seriously? Did she lose her talent and just can't find it, or has her entire singing career been a sham?

[–]dbe 261 points262 points ago

I'm not even sure who the brunette is.

[–]sje46 376 points377 points ago

Demi Lovato. Singer, actress, former Barney kid. She's one of those generic disney girls they try to set up as a triple threat thing.

[–]Jackstick 138 points139 points ago

Singer, actress... what's the third threat? Dancing?

[–]sje46 130 points131 points ago

Traditionally, triple-threat means singing, acting, and dancing. More recently it seems disney stars are into modelling over dancing.

[–]Praise_Jewish_Allah 32 points33 points ago

It amusing how America has such a strong distaste for pedophiles but give a 12 year old girl a bikini and shitty lyrics and it's perfectly fine to parade her.

[–]madsplatter 623 points624 points ago

Being jailbait is the third thing.

[–]Ryche 147 points148 points ago

Uncomfortable. Same way I feel when I hear her music.

[–]hepahepa 82 points83 points ago

Her voice and the way she said it scratched my eardrums.

Actually, the same did all of her music.

[–]Spineless_John 1119 points1120 points ago

You're supposed to use lukewarm water when treating minor burns, not cold water.

[–]Sharkraygun 490 points491 points ago

I'm glad you were here to clear that up

[–]darkangelle 119 points120 points ago

TIL. Is this why cold water makes it hurt so much more when I stop pouring water on it?

[–]Rye22 247 points248 points ago

Cold water is actually better for pain relief. The reason you should use lukewarm water is that cold water causes blood vessels to constrict, which reduces blood flow to the area of the burn, which in turn makes the tissue damage from the burn worse.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Papasmurf143 154 points155 points ago

knowledge EVERYWHERE!

[–]Gareth321 12 points13 points ago

But... during exercise the body produces EXCESS heat. It wastes energy trying to get rid of that heat. By cooling yourself down, aren't you actually saving energy?

[–]uuyatt 255 points256 points ago

I love how she said "Actually..." then realized she had no possible comeback.

[–]imsamsam 73 points74 points ago

"Actually that is not even my voice being auto-tuned so what now old man." You know, something witty.

[–]Aeroman91 453 points454 points ago

[–]scozzy 143 points144 points ago

But I'm not a rapper.

[–]PositiveRealist 25 points26 points ago

What's the source on this?

[–]Polixo 131 points132 points ago

I learned two things today.

  1. Who Demi Lovato is.

  2. Britney Spears is still alive and once again has hair. Neat.

[–]BaconPit 797 points798 points ago

Dafuq is a 20 year old bitch trying to give life advice to a full grown man for?

[–]Sec5ths 665 points666 points ago

That and that patronizing, "everything happens for a reason" bullshit tone she has. This 20 year old cunt has no idea what she's talking about, and is just lucky her mom sucked so many dicks to get her a role in a disney show.

[–]Bini_9 295 points296 points ago

[–]0bi-JuAn 34 points35 points ago

That look of him using all of his strength to keep his Pepsi in his mouth is priceless.

[–]Skwerley 338 points339 points ago

How hard did they have to work to have their parents get lucky and get them on disney when they were 8 years old?

[–]Stinkfoot_Bob 192 points193 points ago

Not as hard as their Moms worked to get them on Disney I'll bet...

[–]brianbrianbrian 211 points212 points ago

Had to suck a lot of dicks.

[–]DigDugDude 25 points26 points ago

endless bags of dicks

[–]silverblue 461 points462 points ago

I made it into a gif, here. Simon's reaction is to die for.

Edit: As requested, a gif of only Simon's reaction, here

Edit 2: Oh and credit to /u/zozanna who made one too, here!

[–]DataKeeper 226 points227 points ago

Cut out the two talking and it'd be better.

[–]MythicalNorse 73 points74 points ago

Yeah, Just Simons reaction would be great

[–]joekage 44 points45 points ago

Can you make a gif of just his reaction?

[–]zozanna 223 points224 points ago

[–]TheOneWhoKnocksBitch 778 points779 points ago

I honestly do not like Demi Lovato. For all the anti-bullying bullshit she does, I've heard that she's actually mean, condescending, and used to be a bully herself. Also, she's not as talented as she likes to think. And has a hideous smile.

[–]Bentstraw 432 points433 points ago

I'm going to have nightmares.

[–]Grymnir 137 points138 points ago

I need to learn not to have just taken a drink of something before i click links.

[–]Fushigidane 12 points13 points ago

[–]pyalot 12 points13 points ago

Count me in.

[–]ogotrice 1211 points1212 points ago

[–]CeramicDolphin 320 points321 points ago

I'll never get sick of seeing this one

[–]Mitosis 197 points198 points ago

It's the suspense; what number will it be?! Or will it be something different than a number?! You never know!

[–]bubbameister33 263 points264 points ago

I saw a "6" once, that shit was funny.

[–]DamnManImGovernor 222 points223 points ago

Here you go.

I'll take my payment in karma.

[–]A_Hairy_Cow 27 points28 points ago

There was a novelty account called "koberatesyourpost" or something that had 10 different gifs with different numbers. Too bad he seems to have vanished.

[–]CantStopTHISasian 126 points127 points ago

SIMON'S FACE! I must turn that screencap into a poster and hang it up on my room

[–]Spectre_II 116 points117 points ago

Comment on the video: Didn't even realize that was Britney until I saw one of the youtube comments about her. What the hell happened to her?!

[–]CircumcisedSpine 199 points200 points ago

I think it may be from the impact of her career hitting rock bottom.

[–]SonofSin17 606 points607 points ago

To be honest though....he didn't work very hard for that, he was really really terrible. He slapped together some half assed attempt to get on TV and then had this insult stored in his pocket when they told him he sucked. 99% of the time reddit would annihilate this dude for supplying mindless attention whoring on TV.

[–]ShawnGupta 271 points272 points ago

As entertaining as that was, this sounds exactly like what happened.

EDIT: and Britney could have uppped the bitch factor to defend her fellow judge.

EDIT2: someone reposted the videos in /r/videos and it looks like the guy was singing a sexually charged song to a 16 year old audience member. That definitely changed my view on the judge's behaviors.

[–]Sparklelord_ 167 points168 points ago

It's still a great burn.

[–]nothisfinesthour 42 points43 points ago

What's the last thing he says? Something about a writer?

[–]I_have_a_Secret 146 points147 points ago

Solid contender for burn of the month.

Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAEwDZ0b9-U

P.S. you will want to kill Britney Spears even more than you did before watching this video.

[–]Sn0wzor 28 points29 points ago

Can anyone find the full video? I'd actually like to watch the preformance

[–]hobbes96 361 points362 points ago

[–]lifedragon99 152 points153 points ago

for a second there I thought you were posting 37 different sizes of the Joker clap gif, This is better I guess.

[–]joeyoungblood 126 points127 points ago

Let's come up with comebacks he should have said to Britney. Game On:

"Oh and Kevin Federline staring at you is better?"

"Remember the time you shaved half your head?"

"Shouldn't you be making out with Lindsay Lohan in prison by now?"

[–]dydxexisex 41 points42 points ago

I feel like I can get an STI from you at this distance.

[–]tog20 118 points119 points ago

She's 20. How is she old enough to judge anybody?