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1014
1015

Here have a Jesus comic! (imgur.com)

submitted ago by IcookTacos

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[–]asharkey3 88 points89 points ago

Somersault kick off a piss stream. Now I have seen everything

[–]StickSauce 7 points8 points ago

/Spacedicks and /WTF may disagree.

[–]enah 42 points43 points ago

"Ficken!" Yup, just how we Germans say it...

[–]Koernchen 11 points12 points ago

Came here to type a long comment about how when we want to say "fuck" we say "scheiße" and that this isn't translated correctly ....but then I thought about it and I came to the conclusion that no one cares ...I mean, we know, but for people who don't understand German, "ficken" is a lot easier to understand.....

[–]Nerfherder32 1 point2 points ago

How do you pronounce "shit" in German?

[–]whileyouwereliving 1 point2 points ago

shice = scheiße

that's my best attempt. but you can actually hear the "e"

[–]Nerfherder32 1 point2 points ago

So maybe, "shisa" but with very little emphasis on the a?

[–]polychaos 2 points3 points ago

schise uh

[–]Nerfherder32 0 points1 point ago

Is there a difference if it's used as a verb? Like, "shit or get off the pot?" because I think beerfest used that line and it sounded more like "schisen"

[–]polychaos 1 point2 points ago

I don't speak German but a friend of mine is an international student and that's how she says it to express distaste or exasperation

Edit: I do speak Norway and America though... But my phone wants me to speak Germany as well

[–]Nerfherder32 3 points4 points ago

im sorry, you don't speak Germany? I suppose I don't speak England either

[–]whileyouwereliving 0 points1 point ago

"schisen" would be the verb.

The imperative form is pretty rare. Actually, I only hear it when I beg my dogs to shit already. And it sounds stupid.

[–]whileyouwereliving 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, that'll do it.

[–]Nerfherder32 0 points1 point ago

Well, TIL Beerfest actually did a teeny bit of research

[–]Koernchen 0 points1 point ago

Ok, all those attempts to explain it are good, but not actually right...."schei" is pronounced like "shy", the "ß" is pronounced a really sharp "s" how maybe a talking snake would pronounce i but in a short way, so not "sssssss" and the "e" is pronounced like "a" in "apple"......does that help?

EDIT: found a good audio link http://de.forvo.com/tag/derb/

[–]RepostThatShit -4 points-3 points ago

I'm not German but "Ficken" is so transparent pseudogerman that it actually takes you out of the comic because it's so stupid.

It's kind of like watching a Steve Ballmer presentation where you gradually lose the ability to follow his speech because your eyes are transfixed upon the three growing sweat stains that you know must soon engulf his entire shirt.

[–]MrDeodorant 1 point2 points ago

How do you stop following "Developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers Reddit Enhancement Suite developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers developers"?

[–]Koernchen 0 points1 point ago

Yes, you're right, but for someone who has never heard a word of German or has any idea of other languages and cultures, it is perfectly clear what it means. And that is probably why they used it here.....to make even the dumbest, most ignorant person on this planet able to understand....not saying someone who has never heard German is ignorant or dumb, just to be clear.

[–]A_Giant_midget 0 points1 point ago

Hahn saugen ficken haugen! The only thing I can remember in German did I get it right?

[–]Koernchen 0 points1 point ago

What is that supposed to mean? Word for word translation means "cock sucking fucking something" Haugen is not a word I have ever seen or heard.....but if you want to say "cock sucking fucking (insert word here)" it's "schwanzlutschende verfickte (insert word here)".......oh my god, I can't believe I am actually teaching people how to cuss in my language, that is so immature.....

[–]A_Giant_midget 0 points1 point ago

Thank you kind sir!

[–]Koernchen 1 point2 points ago

It is lady, but you're still very welcome, dear ;) even though I think what I just taught you is not very lady like.....

[–]A_Giant_midget 0 points1 point ago

Thanks anyways!

[–]spookje 16 points17 points ago

and here's the source (it's page 14)

[–]Mjolnirium 1 point2 points ago

In the name of the gun. Love it

[–]killer_otter 1 point2 points ago

Have you read it? Is it any good?

[–]yesukai 5 points6 points ago

Really good towards the beginning. Quickly descends into shittyness. I'm still reading it, but it's no where near as good as it was originally. They make new ones once a week or so.

[–]Seasickdwarf 1 point2 points ago

I just started reading it after seeing this pic. I'm on page 36 now and can confirm that it is fantastic.

[–]spookje 1 point2 points ago

Yup I have and found it quite entertaining

[–]GordonMcFreeman 1 point2 points ago

Second book is shit, first one is fucking amazing

[–]OnceIHadACookie 26 points27 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
While Jesus is still on the front page. I thought I could share this. 2coms 10pts 20hrs funny
Blood of the lamb 0coms -1pt 1mo WTF
Blood of the lamb... 3coms 2pts 1mo atheism
By the power of Christ... 8coms 69pts 3mos funny
Jesus is a bad ass. 201coms 518pts 11mos funny
Found this, thought r/atheism will appreciate it. 53coms 516pts 2mos atheism
checkmate atheist. 9coms 52pts 3mos atheism

x-post from the same sub

[–]Magus5311 5 points6 points ago

What happened to your cookie? :(

[–]OnceIHadACookie 8 points9 points ago

=(

[–]Magus5311 4 points5 points ago

Keep your head up, man.

[–]BaronVonSlapNuts 1 point2 points ago

God damn it OP. Not again.

[–]jmc_automatic 8 points9 points ago

Yahweh or the highway, bitch.

[–]turnleftdale 2 points3 points ago

Much like Jesus, this is an ancient repost.

[–]yesukai 1 point2 points ago

Wow, I haven't actually seen this for... 3 months or so? Not bad for repost.

[–]Bobilip 4 points5 points ago

This is badass.

[–]BoukeBrink 0 points1 point ago

Jesus, the first waterbender

[–]straydog13 4 points5 points ago

This is the comic Jesus Christ: In the Name of the Gun, illustrated by Axe Cop creator, Ethan Nicolle. He's since posted an apology for drawing pages of it, though I cannot find the link anymore

[–]carlreagan 0 points1 point ago

You are correct.I grew up with Ethan.We always knew he would get far.Nice guy,but we went our seperate ways after he turned into a Christian.He made a really dumb flash cartoon with a bunch of Atheists praying to Satan while chanting shit about abortion a long time ago....that always kind of irked me.

[–]Solkre 2 points3 points ago

The story of Jesus would have been cooler if he was a water bender.

[–]cursed_deity 1 point2 points ago

FLASH KICK!

[–]kimsebyuk -1 points0 points ago

why is he peeing to the right on the first frame.. weird

[–]workpuppy 1 point2 points ago

This is one of the more sane images in this comic. There are tons more.

[–]OktopuzZz -1 points0 points ago

Thats one jesus i can follow!

[–]recursivegamer -1 points0 points ago

Jesus Christ, Nazi hunter.
It will make billions.

[–]ahepler72 -1 points0 points ago

this just became my new favorite comic of all time

[–]twofacefan12 -1 points0 points ago

But... But... Mountain Dew...

[–]Physics_Unicorn 1 point2 points ago

A nazi wouldn't piss in a river. They were all about hygiene, racial or otherwise.

[–]IcookTacos[S] 0 points1 point ago

Really? You think THAT'S the unrealistic part?

[–]whoisthismilfhere 0 points1 point ago

No the unrealistic part is this was fucking posted 13 hours before you. And 6 times before that.

[–]lastrefugee -1 points0 points ago

Going to hell for laughing, upvoting anyway.

[–]DotishGuy -1 points0 points ago

MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR

Please? :'3

[–]shullmaster3000 -1 points0 points ago

I can say without a doubt this is the greatest comic I have ever read

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Hey, thanks! I hadn't seen this for a day or 2!

[–]Andy284 0 points1 point ago

Why won't people leave Germans alone?

[–]avalableusername -1 points0 points ago

Please tell me where you got this! I want to read the fuck out of these comics. All of the fuck right out of them, every last goddamn fuck. Out.

[–]deadendcruiser 0 points1 point ago

You should read Battle Pope. Its written by the same guy who writes Walking Dead http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_Pope

[–]lavi180 0 points1 point ago

Flash Kick!

[–]remote_production 0 points1 point ago

Would have been cooler if Jesus actually stopped the Nazis....but I guess watching it all from your dad's office is cool too.

[–]radherring 0 points1 point ago

Didn't the Vatican look the other way during the holocaust?

[–]It_Aint_Me 0 points1 point ago

Someone used a shitty translater. Next time try 'scheiße'

[–]16bitgamer 0 points1 point ago

"Now there's a bible that doesn't disappoint on every page."

[–]detectivetrap 0 points1 point ago

Love him walking on piss haha

[–]jello1990 0 points1 point ago

if the Vatican made the bible like this, i'd convert back.

[–]kabukistar 0 points1 point ago

Here have a repost!

[–]I_Fugly 0 points1 point ago

Guile's Theme

[–]swagisinmyname94 0 points1 point ago

My Jesus can kick your Jesus' ass.

[–]ufimizm 0 points1 point ago

This is absolutely brilliant, can we have more?

Ad "Ficken": Unusual, and incredibly rude, but I have heard German speaking people using that - instead of the obviously more common "Scheisse".

[–]xXGumbaXx 0 points1 point ago

A German would say "Scheiße" instead of ''Ficken''

[–]Razorray21 2 points3 points ago

funny, yet reposted a bunch of times.

[–]Bobilip 0 points1 point ago

Downvoted why? This man speaks the truth!

[–]ExEdrills 0 points1 point ago

Just remember that the german soldiers were just boys at the wrong place at the wrong time.

[–]DoctorHeadshot 1 point2 points ago

Some of them were and some of them weren't. No matter, wrong place wrong time, dude

[–]ExEdrills 0 points1 point ago

They all were, they were just victims of the nazi party.

[–]DoctorHeadshot 0 points1 point ago

The whole of Germany was just one big goddamn casualty of some megalomaniac dick with a pecker problem and the world's tiniest brain

[–]Gravesh 0 points1 point ago

Glad that someone actually has some sense of humanity here, /r/funny or otherwise.

[–]JohnnyTopside13 -1 points0 points ago

Repost.

[–]KeanuReavers 0 points1 point ago

This old thing? Thanks, I guess..

[–]BremStar650 -2 points-1 points ago

Amen to that Action Jesus!

[–]barium111 0 points1 point ago

And his super best friends

[–]ivealreadyreddit10 0 points1 point ago

How is he able to piss that high leaning back?

[–]cptstupendous 0 points1 point ago

Shock and surprise can make you tense up.

[–]CokeofSkyrim -1 points0 points ago

If only Jesus were this much of a badass, and real.

[–]VaderSon -1 points0 points ago

Excellent. Make more and share!

[–]liveryowl 8 points9 points ago

he didnt make it, it's a repost of a repost of a repost.

[–]VaderSon 0 points1 point ago

Hey Thanks man believe or not it's the first time I watch this! So silly me believed OP was the author!

[–]TuskedOdin -2 points-1 points ago

as are all things on the interwebs

[–]liveryowl 1 point2 points ago

yeah , but Vaderson asked him to make more and share. I dint want him him to be disapointed by Icooktacos' future post not having any more of this type of thing. I was doing gods work my friend.

[–]barium111 -2 points-1 points ago

In before /r/atheism is leaking BAM

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