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top 200 commentsshow all 220

[–]amasterplan 299 points300 points ago

....all I got from that was that I need to get a mohawk and a switchblade comb.

[–]jawells 27 points28 points ago

It works for Guile!

[–]MenaceInc 13 points14 points ago

Dammit, now I've got Guile's theme stuck in my head.

No wait, that's a great thing :D

[–]Rockingtits 3 points4 points ago

Guiles theme is fucking inspiring while playing CS

[–]WantobeL 15 points16 points ago

And some Hitler Did Nothing Wrong and Sonic as your wingman.

[–]Zoned 4 points5 points ago

I have a switchblade comb somewhere...

[–]Slayner[S] 10 points11 points ago

That's really all you needed to get. The epitome of cool.

[–]_BitSoup 0 points1 point ago

Same here. I got to that point and lost it.

[–]BourganBoy 1 point2 points ago

I just bought one. 4$ on amazon.....I wonder if they sell Mohawks too.

[–]andrewwithnumbers 251 points252 points ago

"I decide that it's time to go all the way" so he grabs a boob.

[–]QuestionSleep 130 points131 points ago

Clearly this kid has no idea what he's talking about. Boobs feel like bags of sand!

Bags of glorious boob-sand.

[–]dudet24 78 points79 points ago

I actually just grabbed my boobs and can confirm this sand bag theory.

[–]QuestionSleep 94 points95 points ago

I'm don't always feel myself up at work,

but when I do a coworker pops into my cube.

[–]Quatroking 30 points31 points ago

"Just checking for lumps"

"oh good idea"

and then the office was fondling their boobs and all lump-free except for this one chick who panicked the fuck out when she found a few

[–]guess_twat 13 points14 points ago

Enjoy the "sand bags" while you can...as you get older they WILL feel more like jelly....hope thats not TMI.

[–]Empexis 6 points7 points ago

Now, who's to say that shape and size of boobs doesn't affect the sand-bag quality of boobs? We need a team of girls to test this for us. And provide pictures as proof.

[–]Ampvamp 2 points3 points ago

For science!

[–]Im_From_Atlantis 9 points10 points ago

40 year old virgin reference. I like it.

[–]dudeguy2 7 points8 points ago

I don't think i've ever been that emotional about something in my life. (as the guy in the gif)

[–]monkeedude1212 17 points18 points ago

Than you've never lived.

That's something I find about North American culture thats weird. It's considered "childish" to be excited about something. If you want to jump up and down or scream out loud its like, "what the heck is wrong with you?" Whats wrong with me? Whats wrong with you! I just won a free coffee from Tim Hortons, fuck yeah I'm excited.

You go to like, China or Japan, and people are cheering at fireworks. Like actually shouting and clapping and shit. I know when you take a step back you're kind of like, Fireworks aren't alive, who the fuck are they cheering for?

It doesn't matter. Fireworks are awesome, and being able to shout "WOW" when one goes off instead of just staring in amazement... its just a better experience.

I highly recommend people go travelling a lot more and realize how much more fun everyone else in the world is having.

[–]dudeguy2 7 points8 points ago

It's just something about the gif...I shout wow, don't worry.

[–]Im_From_Atlantis 1 point2 points ago

Calm down.

[–]victordavion 1 point2 points ago

Now I know what a bag of sand feels like! Thanks!

[–]Slayner[S] 61 points62 points ago

ALL THE WAY!

[–]Damasticator 7 points8 points ago

ALL THE WAY MAY!

[–]grenadesonfire 0 points1 point ago

ALL THE MAY ALL THE WAY!

[–]YSCapital 1 point2 points ago

In my day this was ALL the way.

[–]oNrG 150 points151 points ago

(MOM DONT READ)

[–]OldPete 23 points24 points ago

The truly great mothers in the world would see that and put it down.

[–]Quatroking 39 points40 points ago

Why the hell would you shoot your own son over this?

[–]coverton341 2 points3 points ago

[–]Asophis 136 points137 points ago

Definitely written by somebody at least sixteen years old.

[–]UmerakenIdeut 55 points56 points ago

My thoughts too. The humor was too "haha it would be funny if kids thought like this" and less "childhood innocence on sex"

[–]Steakz 34 points35 points ago

Agreed. Anybody with writing actually that juvenile wouldn't write things like "switchblade comb".

[–]HarkonnenThug 26 points27 points ago

And there is not a single spelling/apostrophe mistake in the entire thing.

[–]Physics101 2 points3 points ago

Congratulations, you've figured out that it was a joke.

[–]n8wolf 11 points12 points ago

I'll have you know, my older brother had a switchblade comb when I was 7 and, in my mind, there was no cooler item on the planet.

[–]Cofo 8 points9 points ago

Apostrophe usage is way too good.

[–]FryingPanHelmet 41 points42 points ago

It feels like jelly.

[–]Flywn 0 points1 point ago

Well, I'm jelly.

[–]S-E-X-X-Y 0 points1 point ago

THE END.

[–]DownHouse 11 points12 points ago

Audio book read by Morgan Freeman.

[–]JustCallMeBen 44 points45 points ago

I liked the part where he drinks a Hitler Did Nothing Wrong

[–]Keane1522 0 points1 point ago

The amazing part is that he did it while in midair and didn't burn any jews

[–]blam10 21 points22 points ago

...I thought it was supposed to feel like sand bags....

[–]kage_lockheart 12 points13 points ago

The kid's pretty spot on. They feel like water balloons filled with jelly or jello. At least mine do.

[–]curvy_lady_92 8 points9 points ago

"Jello is too jiggly. Pudding gives a more realistic texture." -Teensy, Now and Then

[–]Cheeze_wiz 0 points1 point ago

...and brace yourself for creepy pms...

[–]victordavion 1 point2 points ago

That's what I would guess.

I've never actually felt a sand bag, though, so I don't know. I imagine they would feel like a bean-bag(?) which wouldn't be accurate in my experience.

I am a follower of the water balloon filled with jello theory. Although, maybe small boobs feel more like sand bags? Ironically I prefer small boobs, but only have experience with the larger ones... :(

[–]thejam15 0 points1 point ago

Sandbags are a little too stiff still...I'm thinking more like playdoh thats been slightly jellyfied

[–]mortalbic 5 points6 points ago

That kid has impeccable spelling.

[–]Cptnwalrus 2 points3 points ago

[–]FUCKING_EVERYTHING 95 points96 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
The Best Story Ever! 2coms -2pts 1mo pics
It feels like jelly... 4coms 3pts 1mo funny
Best Story Ever. Includes Sonic, giant boobs, and Mountain Dew! 43coms 552pts 4mos funny
It felt like jelly. 6coms 19pts 1yr pics
best story ever! 349coms 886pts 1yr funny

source: karmadecay

[–]Davadam27 47 points48 points ago

A repost?! No!!! The horror!

[–]johnnyasma 12 points13 points ago

I feel like a kid that was just told Santa doesn't exist.

[–]schmese 3 points4 points ago

also, this is from realultimatepower.net, old as the hills.

[–]Dalimey100 2 points3 points ago

Ugh, I upvoted a repost... I just feel dirty now.

[–]iio1337 2 points3 points ago

Quick! Change it! Before its too late!

[–]j9d2 1 point2 points ago

5 Second rule!

5 Second rule!

[–]purplepug22 0 points1 point ago

Seriously enough with these things. No one gives one fucking fuck.

[–]jackel_623 1 point2 points ago

Oh internet.

[–]Davedough 34 points35 points ago

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

I cant jelly my cock down your throat.

[–]wittyrepartee 21 points22 points ago

obviously you've never been to prison.

[–]Klemintina 7 points8 points ago

Haha, I knew the joke from "How I met your Mother" but never the punchline.

[–]wander_eyes 3 points4 points ago

The real answer is

"I can't jelly my cock in your moms ass"

[–]Nullvoid123 2 points3 points ago

Up your ass

FTFY

[–]Slayner[S] -1 points0 points ago

Holy shit, I've never heard that before that's hilarious.

[–]shadowman3001 16 points17 points ago

Front page yesterday, actually.

And old as the hills!

[–]Slayner[S] 4 points5 points ago

I should get out more

[–]seanbear 17 points18 points ago

If you didn't see it on the front page yesterday then maybe you need to stay in more.

[–]Slayner[S] 2 points3 points ago

Touche

[–]Lilly_Satou 1 point2 points ago

That's from one of the new Halloween movies, isn't it?

[–]Davedough 0 points1 point ago

It might be. Tell you the truth, a boss of mine told me that about 4 years ago, so I dont know if its origin. I didn't even know it was from How I Met Your Mother as one of the other people said.

[–]Lilly_Satou 1 point2 points ago

The newer Halloween movies came out before How I Met Your Mother, as far as I know. So if I'm right, it's probably from there.

[–]hany259 3 points4 points ago

it was the casino level.

[–]Misfitg 4 points5 points ago

it was the casino level

[–]Wild_One_ 1 point2 points ago

Was it the casino level?

[–]ZeroGSpaceCow 4 points5 points ago

There is no way to know.

[–]ChineseSweatPants 1 point2 points ago

Wait.. So they don't feel like bags of sand?

[–]Keane1522 0 points1 point ago

No. Who spread this rumor?

[–]DatAssociate 3 points4 points ago

Better than fifty shades of grey!

[–]Dr_Roger 8 points9 points ago

I like it too when huge boobs look huger.

[–]floatablepie 2 points3 points ago

It's from a cracked article. I believe the mohawk can tell which writer it is.

[–]Raktoner 3 points4 points ago

For some reason, I am incredibly impressed by "sonic (in ball form)"

[–]pointfivenine 2 points3 points ago

This needs to be made into a porno.

[–]batshitshit 2 points3 points ago

And this has me groping my tits trying to decide how to describe what they feel like. Thanks, Reddit.

[–]Slayner[S] 1 point2 points ago

It's why we're here!

[–]FriendzonePhill 2 points3 points ago

50 Shades of Grey... The early years.....

[–]SparkyD37 2 points3 points ago

*It feels like a bag of sand.

[–]S_Pbr__M 2 points3 points ago

an ollie over the couch with a mountain dew?....EXTREME

[–]sittty 1 point2 points ago

[–]gradually_scottish 1 point2 points ago

Aww, this is cute. I mind when a was pure greetin' fae shite like this, what an erse.

[–]GrukfromtheGrok 2 points3 points ago

My wizard senses are telling me that this was not written by a child. My wizard senses are also telling me that I have no sense of humor.

That being said, I got a rager now.

[–]stellachuu 1 point2 points ago

Im a girl. this story is hot.

[–]Ocean_Duck -1 points0 points ago

There are no girls on the Internet.

[–]stellachuu 0 points1 point ago

only on /r/gonewild

[–]reddit1st 0 points1 point ago

It must be jelly cause jam dont feel like that!

[–]Sinnedangel8027 1 point2 points ago

Please tell me this was a little brother that wrote this

[–]derek_92 0 points1 point ago

Most badass story ever.

[–]weirdly_average_dude 0 points1 point ago

great. just great.

[–]nicholieeee 0 points1 point ago

Am I to understand that this kid is standing on two sets of boobs while they're skateboarding?

Awesome.

[–]siezethecarpe 1 point2 points ago

This kid's cooler than James Dean

[–]iLurkkkkk 0 points1 point ago

He's standing on their chests...

[–]Roseysdaddy 0 points1 point ago

tl;dr

[–]annie8979 0 points1 point ago

Just read it, it's pretty good.

[–]LunchToGo 0 points1 point ago

That was so god damn awesome.

[–]Vulturas 0 points1 point ago

What... did I just read?

[–]Kar98_Byf42 1 point2 points ago

Something written by an adult who posted it as if it was written by a kid, for karma.

[–]Calavera190 1 point2 points ago

...now call me paranoid, but I don't think this was actually written by a kid.

[–]_TheFifth_ 0 points1 point ago

sudden craving for a PB&J sandwich.

[–]criskyFTW 1 point2 points ago

PLEASE be posted by the authors mom... please.

[–]cgarrison12 0 points1 point ago

Was anyone else reminded of Chris-chan and Sonichu?

[–]schattenteufel 0 points1 point ago

I can't believe I bothered to read that whole thing.

[–]misterbob13 0 points1 point ago

this is the hardest I've laughed in a while!

[–]Talador12 0 points1 point ago

That... just made my day.

[–]method18 0 points1 point ago

wow that was fake as hell

[–]GunpowderX 1 point2 points ago

Someone get Vintage Books on the phone and we can make this a trilogy! Vintage loves shitty erotic fiction.

[–]oland4 0 points1 point ago

Someone make this into a short film. Please.

[–]Playmaker2 1 point2 points ago

The plot twist at the end where he grabbed her boob was riveting. An "Edge of Your Seat" thrill ride that will leave you breathless and wanting more. 5 out of 5 Stars. Would totally recommend it to friends (expect this kid's mom of course).

[–]xXMind_tricksXx 0 points1 point ago

Repost!

[–]brewerbeast105 1 point2 points ago

shes hot, so its not gross

[–]Wisdom_from_the_Ages 0 points1 point ago

Nice try, Mountain Dew viral marketing department, but 10-year-olds don't use quotation correctly or capitalize brand names.

[–]Slayner[S] 0 points1 point ago

Drat!

[–]spicy_buttle 0 points1 point ago

This is pretty much the hottest thing ever written. I don't know how he knows my every desire so well!

[–]MartyrTOM 0 points1 point ago

MY EYES, NOOOOOOO. Why reddit, why must you allow these reposts

[–]Cameramanmanman 0 points1 point ago

Never before have I wanted Shitty_Watercolor to show up on a post as I do on this one...

[–]philtomato 1 point2 points ago

Nothing like Sonic's Casino level music to get the groove on.

[–]dasfooksy 0 points1 point ago

You found my Gender Studies thesis I see...

[–]Ghede 1 point2 points ago

Isn't this from collegehumor?

[–]adieuSpaceCowboy 0 points1 point ago

Best. Story. Ever. Fucking. Period.

[–]abag0fpandas 0 points1 point ago

I came.

[–]Mantis_ 0 points1 point ago

I would love to see this episode of written by a kid.

[–]cyborgdingo 0 points1 point ago

Pretty sure this is a wet dream I had my junior year of high school...

[–]LeCrushinator 0 points1 point ago

So that's what "XXX" is like...

[–]AmazingBacon 0 points1 point ago

What the hell did I just read?

[–]YSCapital 0 points1 point ago

Bro, if you're not a writer, be a writer.

[–]MrSamster911 1 point2 points ago

by Peterotica, and narrated by Betty White

[–]ilovetime 1 point2 points ago

Fuck, now I have the Casino Theme song in my head. Ba-ba, ba ba baaah bah, doodle doo-doo. Doodle doo-doo.

[–]XerODeGreEs 0 points1 point ago

im pretty sure shakespear wrote this first

[–]anotheronedoesntcoun 0 points1 point ago

Who are you kidding. the guy that wrote this was at least 30.

[–]lysdxc 0 points1 point ago

isnt this the plot to sonic the hedgecock 7?

[–]Mike_davvy 0 points1 point ago

Fucking repost

[–]CaleGaster 0 points1 point ago

A kid that young using perfect placing of commas, as well as apostrophes? I think not...

[–]time_for_pancakes 0 points1 point ago

It's amazing that he has less grammatical errors than most adults.

[–]MTFMuffins 0 points1 point ago

So I know its a repost but was it really written by a preteen or is this a fake? It's hillarious if true!

[–]Slayner[S] 0 points1 point ago

I don't know to be honest with you. Sorry man

[–]Calcifer643 0 points1 point ago

people repost this so often its fucking madness

[–]Lilly_Satou 0 points1 point ago

My boobs don't feel like jelly... do I have cancer?

[–]the_penultimate_user 0 points1 point ago

Its not like this?

oh man, I'm so disappointed.

[–]systmh 0 points1 point ago

I came.

[–]MtnYou92 0 points1 point ago

I'll give someone all my internets if the contact the necessary people to make this porno happen.

[–]secrentagEnt 0 points1 point ago

[–]AndyVale 0 points1 point ago

This was outstanding. I would buy this if it were expanded into a novella.

[–]FreeBigLurch 0 points1 point ago

Easily the best part is the guy's shirt in the drawing..."no rules"

[–]Vengefulhammer 0 points1 point ago

We got a badass over here...

[–]Kilgannon_TheCrowing 1 point2 points ago

Well shit. If 2nd base is all the way, I'm afraid I've gone too far.

[–]themauwinator 0 points1 point ago

Stop karma whoring.

[–]themauwinator 1 point2 points ago

I SAW THIS ONCE I DON'T NEED TO EVER SEE THIS AGAIN!

[–]Slayner[S] 0 points1 point ago

Where is that picture? I've looked for it.

[–]GreyScale14 0 points1 point ago

[–]Googalyfrog 0 points1 point ago

that is just a ridiculous amount of awesome!, love the part where he calls the kissing with tongues kinda gross but not since she's hot

[–]iSwearImStrait 1 point2 points ago

I can just imagine Brennan and Dale from Step Brothers writing this.

[–]gamefreak431 1 point2 points ago

Still a better love story than twilight.

[–]KRZ-111 0 points1 point ago

Dude. This gets reposted every month, on the dot. Just stop.

[–]Slayner[S] 0 points1 point ago

Dude, I don't check. Plenty of people haven't seen it apparently me being one of them.

[–]FoxBattalion79 0 points1 point ago

his childhood is 500x more awesome than my childhood

[–]acemasterke406 0 points1 point ago

I come....... ... In on a skateboard.

[–]StarFireLiz 0 points1 point ago

It's funny but I'm not convinced a little kid wrote it. There are some handwriting parts that stand out as really... adult. When they are younger kids focus/are taught to make letters a certain way and I'm not seeing it here.

That being said saying it felt like jelly cracked me up.

[–]FreshAsBasil 0 points1 point ago

REPOST. Get some OG content is it really that hard?

[–]Asylumgirl15 0 points1 point ago

whats wrong with my boob it doesn't feel like jelly!!!!!!

[–]lysdxc 0 points1 point ago

still a better love story than twilight

[–]uhohhotdog 1 point2 points ago

"Douglas had to poop, his butt was all stinky because he had to poop so badly. There was a gross woman named Rebecca who was sunbathing all naked and she was fat. Douglas walked up to her and said, "I need to poop". "Okay, Rebecca replied, "I like poop". Douglas squatted down over the fat sunbathing lady and went poop. The poop sat there on Rebecca's boobs, looking like a weiner."

[–]DeadWade 0 points1 point ago

That's what I heard as well.

[–]7_4_7 0 points1 point ago

Did anyone else, while reading this, start hearing Charlie Day's voice?

[–]drumellow 0 points1 point ago

So this is going to be posted every week huh?

[–]Grammatical_Aneurysm 0 points1 point ago

Still better porn than 50 Shades?

Do we say that now? We should.

[–]ashtray_nuke 0 points1 point ago

I upvoted this then downvoted it so I could upvote it again.

[–]mcqueeb 1 point2 points ago

Still a better love story than Twilight.

ps Sonic Casino level is the best.

[–]SirJTreehorn -1 points0 points ago

Damn. He was good with the ladies even back then.

[–]DownvoteMyquote 1 point2 points ago

To boldly go where no man has gone before... 2nd base!

[–]butters_owns -5 points-4 points ago

Because this is a repost, even though I have never seen it. YOU. GET. NOTHING! GOOD DAY SIR!

[–]MrBob1 2 points3 points ago

if you had never seen it why do you care that it's a repost? it's new content to you, and to the OP...

[–]TERRYbyte -1 points0 points ago

I've got the weirdest boner right now...

[–]Thalaas 0 points1 point ago

Still a better story than twilight

[–]bombsaway1979 0 points1 point ago

Still a better love story than Twilight.