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top 200 commentsshow all 243

[–]Catsfosho 162 points163 points ago

Good god i fall in love with that mustache more and more every time i see it.

[–]Rainbow_Bacon[S] 49 points50 points ago

Good god that moustache...

[–]doubledubs 28 points29 points ago

Dat 'stache.

[–]ExtraCheesed_Buddha 14 points15 points ago

It has that effect on people

[–]ANAL_QUEEN 2 points3 points ago

I want to have that mustache's babies.

[–]Dvdrummer360 2 points3 points ago

Anally?

[–]shitty_hdr 2 points3 points ago

I fell in love with this mustache. It's like perfection.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]JKR93 81 points82 points ago

You've made a horrible mistake, sir.

[–]mkms5 91 points92 points ago

Dude, it's a PO box. What are they going to do, stalk the Post Office?

[–]NextName 111 points112 points ago

Mail him a detached bloody dick.

[–]Way_too_poor 62 points63 points ago

Detached? Pssshhhh amateur. Check this shit out.

unzips/Portland bound

[–]Thydamine 26 points27 points ago

Portland Bound sounds like both the best family movie and the best porno ever.

[–]mmss 13 points14 points ago

Is Portland the black guy?

[–]bigheavyshoe 1 point2 points ago

Yes, Portland is the black guy.

[–]mmss 2 points3 points ago

THERE IS NO MERCY IN THIS DOJO

[–]epicitous1 3 points4 points ago

what ever happened to those beautifully directed movies such as portland bound?

[–]iUsedtoHadHerpes 0 points1 point ago

It'd make a pretty good name for a Bob Dylan album, too.

[–]Way_too_poor -5 points-4 points ago

Well... Edit: goddamn it that is not the image I intended to use. Got me, IPhone. Let your downvotes blot out the sun!

[–]Scratchlax 7 points8 points ago

Step 1: Cut a hole in the PO Box.

[–]Way_too_poor 2 points3 points ago

duuuuude I'm totally stealing the nickname you gave to your dick. "Hey baby, wanna check my PO box?"

[–]BlueberryRapeWhistle 2 points3 points ago

Ill sign for that

[–]freon -3 points-2 points ago

Well that escalated quickly.

[–]gfunk0311 1 point2 points ago

no but you send a large distinguishable package to the PO box and stalk the office for someone that picks it up... hypothetically...

[–]Madrawn 0 points1 point ago

And then? I don't know why one would put up with such a hassle. Just stalk some random person coming out of the office.

[–]FuriousBanana -2 points-1 points ago

Challenge Accepted

[–]halomender 4 points5 points ago

It's low enough on the list to be negligible.

[–]HKBFG 10 points11 points ago

If you were alive in 2006 you are a Time person or the year.

[–]halomender 6 points7 points ago

I was living in North Carolina that year, so I was only partially alive. does that still count?

[–]HKBFG 3 points4 points ago

Partially

[–]Sudz705 20 points21 points ago

[–]NotADamsel 6 points7 points ago

Does anyone on Reddit not have a verified email?

[–]Tinysauce 25 points26 points ago

I don't have a verified email, AMA.

[–]Nuhvok01 7 points8 points ago

What will you do if your forget your password?

[–]abdomino 25 points26 points ago

Remember it.

[–]Madrawn 1 point2 points ago

Just make a new account? It isn't like the karma is worth anything.

[–]Lettuce_Get_Weird 3 points4 points ago

Anyone that doesn't care about trophies.

[–]ExtraCheesed_Buddha 6 points7 points ago

I'll send you the cheesed Buddha statue trophy

[–]halomender 1 point2 points ago

I checked, and no one makes buddha statues made of cheese. Am I missing something?

[–]ghengiscunnilingus 4 points5 points ago

if this award i just built costs over 20 dollars to ship, im probably not going to send it. It's heavy. It's shiny. It's fantastic.

[–]pestilentdefiler 6 points7 points ago

[–]ExK4 3 points4 points ago

If it fits it ships? Heroin fits nicely...

[–]tyme 3 points4 points ago

It ships, it just arrives with a side of federal agents.

[–]mage2k 1 point2 points ago

You've been to Portland, eh?

[–]halomender 0 points1 point ago

You got me curious, what's it like? and not that i'm pushing to get awards, I'm already fairly entertained that I got 10 orangereds, but flat rate shipping is pretty frickin awesome.

[–]lookitssupergus 2 points3 points ago

There shall be mail from Gus. Expect it.

[–]halomender 0 points1 point ago

screencapped so i can haunt your dreams like waterboarding for charity haunts hannity

[–]MTNTaos 3 points4 points ago

Award made, awaiting standard postal delivery.

[–]mynameisdumb 2 points3 points ago

I fully expect a followup post with all the cool and crazy shit people send you in the mail. Braver human being than I am.

[–]halomender 0 points1 point ago

I'll come to your house and show them to you. don't worry, the worst i'll do is smoke weed at you.

[–]Osiris32 1 point2 points ago

If you come to the meetup Purple_Antwerp is having this saturday, I'll have an award for you.

No, my penis is not named "Award." It's named Lt. Colonel William "Wild Willy" McOneye. Don't be gross.

[–]halomender 1 point2 points ago

i'll have to look into that, maybe we can see whose trophy is bigger, the loser would be awarded the a-trophy

[–]zserf 0 points1 point ago

That's really close to me... Maybe I'll show up.

[–]abdomino 0 points1 point ago

Be sure to get a nametag for it.

[–]zserf 0 points1 point ago

That's less than five miles from me.

[–]okbutwat 0 points1 point ago

what up pdx

[–]derpmoar 0 points1 point ago

You could probably get a Darwin Award, but that might affect your "being alive" status.

[–]killer_tofu89 0 points1 point ago

Well they're handing out Peace Prizes for winning the US presidency nowadays.

[–]SSgtMunoz 12 points13 points ago

[–]Lilyo 48 points49 points ago

[–]Frase 13 points14 points ago

If I had a pound of cooked bacon, I would make you a sandwich.

[–]TinBryn 6 points7 points ago

I'm wondering how likely it is that you saw the comment and decided to actually cook a pound of bacon to make a sandwich in the span of 1 hour

[–]Osiris32 12 points13 points ago

If I had a 1-pound bacon sandwich, it wouldn't last long enough for me to take a picture of it.

[–]Frase 0 points1 point ago

That is an aptly named sandwich.. They should have called it the Swanson club sandwich.

[–]NotADamsel 2 points3 points ago

Costco has four-pound bags of bacon for fifteen bucks (in Alaska!) and five dozen eggs for ten. Go get yourself some!

[–]DelicateSteve 1 point2 points ago

That pound of bacon had better just be your sandwich making snack.

[–]Frase 1 point2 points ago

I already ate that bacon. I found it under the seat while you were gone..

[–]kodark 1 point2 points ago

You are my new favorite person.

[–]nexus_5 -1 points0 points ago

[–]MacR0Y 8 points9 points ago

[–]clayton_frisbie 18 points19 points ago

What show is this from?

[–]JuicebyTappy 63 points64 points ago

Parks and Recreation. I advise you to start watching it. Shit's hilarious.

[–]PatAunces 44 points45 points ago

Give me all your bacon and eggs

Wait, stop. I'm afraid what you just heard was 'give me a lot of bacon and eggs'

What I said was "Give me all your bacon and eggs"

[–]LadderAnxiety 7 points8 points ago

you butchered that line a bit

[–]PatAunces 10 points11 points ago

Do or do not, there is no try

  • Captain Gandalf Piccard

[–]TheGamingLord 2 points3 points ago

I don't even know where to start with this...

Everyone knows he wasn't a captain, but a colonel.

[–]JuicebyTappy 19 points20 points ago

"There's no need. Tammy One will find me. She has the tracking abilities and scent of a Bloodhound"

[–]makubesu 12 points13 points ago

What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?

[–]clayton_frisbie 8 points9 points ago

oh, this shit is on netflix streaming, that means ive probably lost my life for a little bit

[–]thrwwyy 33 points34 points ago

Don't be deterred by the first season -- it gets much better in the second.

[–]bronerkill 11 points12 points ago

I made that mistake when it first came out. Wrote the show off even though season 1 had a few funny moments, it just wasn't worth watching for some reason. But I decided to watch season 2 on a whim and holy fuq am I glad. It gets immensely better.

[–]Null_Reference_ 5 points6 points ago

Pay attention to this comment. First season is weak.

[–]ZapActions-dower -2 points-1 points ago

I believe it's about the Indianapolis Parks Dept. Which is pretty cool, since I live there.

[–]neotriple 5 points6 points ago

It's about a small town in Indiana names Pawnee, not Indianapolis.

[–]shaneisneato -1 points0 points ago

No its like Canada.

[–]Krayzed896 5 points6 points ago

Real question:

Is this show any good without considering Ron Swanson?

[–]okbutwat 14 points15 points ago

Yes. Leslie Knope is the real star, although she isn't given as many one-liners that are funny out of context as Ron (and Andy). All of the characters are great, though, especially together. Here is a great ensemble scene.

Plus my favorite promo.

Definitely Ron Swanson is a highlight though. The loss of any characters would be tragic. (Except Jerry.)

[–]KeatingOrRoark 4 points5 points ago

Damn it, Jerry. You can't even be liked by a random comment on reddit.

[–]tossedsaladandscram 4 points5 points ago

Yes. I honestly think Andy is just as funny. Oh and the dude they all make fun of. Shit's great. Oh and the sewage guy.

... yeah. it's excellent

[–]kabalalala 2 points3 points ago

Leslie. Wait here. Burt Macklin is on the case.

[–]Null_Reference_ 2 points3 points ago

Yes, you just see him more here because Ron has the most image-macro-able quotes.

[–]CommodoreJacob 3 points4 points ago

Yes. But not nearly as good.

[–]Thunder2221 7 points8 points ago

My favourites are Andy and April so I'd say the show is brilliant regardless. Ron is still legendary though.

[–]CommodoreJacob 0 points1 point ago

I always loved Andy and April, but they never really made the show for me until they got married which wasn't until the 3rd season. But they're still tied with Ron, honestly.

[–]Thunder2221 0 points1 point ago

Well, I started to love them more in the story leading up to them getting together, but their relationship with Ron is equally hilarious and entertaining.

[–]CommodoreJacob 0 points1 point ago

YES! Once they started hanging out I got the whole "Jim and Pam" feeling from it. Like "Just fucking do it already!"

[–]Biocide13 4 points5 points ago

He has a tank trap in his office, I need to start watching this show.

[–]ZombiesGonnaZomb 3 points4 points ago

And a sawed off shotgun...and a claymore...

[–]jzsk8s89 2 points3 points ago

please do. he is everything that embodies aweseome

[–]kutterk 0 points1 point ago

First time i saw that as well, instantly thought he's a dayz griefer.

[–]nexus_5 0 points1 point ago

I don't have a twin brother.

[–]PachoWumbo 0 points1 point ago

That's virtually what I tell my parents. They say, "Act properly! That's not how doctors act!" I say, "Well, when I become a doctor, I'm still gonna act the same, and prove you wrong since I'd then be a doctor."

[–]KeatingOrRoark 0 points1 point ago

Oh, the naivety. <---Watch, you'll say this same line one day.

[–]Bubba-J-Murray 3 points4 points ago

I have no idea what this is, but you can have an upvote for the hasselblad.

[–]Intrexa 3 points4 points ago

Technically, she was just commenting on how her expectations were wrong.

[–]Zerv14 6 points7 points ago

[–]flimmedflammed 1 point2 points ago

People tell me I don't 'act my age' and I say "I am my age, so however I act is acting my age."

[–]Mr_Walter_Sobchak 6 points7 points ago

can I ask why people think this is funny? I'm not trying to be a dick, but is this a genre of self-evident humor?

I'm a dark humor guy so when I read things like this it seems like things I actually think to myself.

[–]flimmedflammed 0 points1 point ago

I wouldn't say anyone necessarily thinks it's funny, but it's the subversion of expectations that's the humorous part. What they mean is 'why don't you act like other people your age?', and what I'm saying is I don't care for social norms, and I'll do what I want. Saying I am acting my age is saying 'fuck you' to society.

[–]Conde_Nasty 0 points1 point ago

It's a comment on the idea of socialization vs. individual standards and it pokes fun at our taking social standardization for granted without consciously processing it. Shit's hilarious.

[–]honchell12 3 points4 points ago

Ah yes, the Hasselblad 500cm.

[–]ExtraCheesed_Buddha 0 points1 point ago

His total awards won is equivalent to the number of stars in the night sky

[–]Rainbow_Bacon[S] 9 points10 points ago

Or the hairs on his glorious moustache...

[–]cook94j -1 points0 points ago

What episode is this from?

[–]FordDent42 -1 points0 points ago

Can someone tell me what season this is from

[–]brightbluesky55 0 points1 point ago

season two, i believe.

[–]okbutwat 1 point2 points ago

Season 2, best episode of the series, Woman of the Year. If you like feminism and platonic male/female friendships based on mutual respect, you'll sure like it! Not sure why every show doesn't focus on these crowd-pleasing topics.

I have the Dorothy Everytime Smurf Girl Trophy for Excellence in Female Stuff.

Dorothy Everton Smythe, I swear to God...

[–]conley46 1 point2 points ago

really deserve the award for the attitude :D

[–]dirice87 1 point2 points ago

I put off watching this show for so long but I just started watching last week and I can't stop, its got a strong early Office vibe in its emotions and the writing is consistently great.

Not to mention my old college roommate is exactly like Ron Swanson.

[–]Bogey_Kingston -1 points0 points ago

I love everything this dude says.

[–]Commonterry 0 points1 point ago

How about "world's most sensible haircut"?

[–]RomneySucksHellCocks -1 points0 points ago

So glad someone else is aware of this little known show that nobody has ever seen before.

[–]HowdyDoDat 0 points1 point ago

Does rainbow bacon exist? It would have to come from some sort of unicorn pig, or science, I think??...

[–]holla_get_dollas -2 points-1 points ago

[–]cleepa 0 points1 point ago

Disagree. Everything I don't care about is not cared about because I don't care about it.

[–]Mirior 1 point2 points ago

Famous American composer Aaron Copland hit a block in his youth. He was trying to capture an American sound with his music, but he couldn't figure out what an American sound was. "What is the sound of an American composer?" he wondered.

As he aged, he realized that he was a composer, and he was American. Any sound he created would be the sound of an American composer. And so he made sounds.

Today, Aaron Copland's sound, and the sound of others who followed in his path, is probably the most distinctively American sound within classical music.

[–]beatsnpornbread 0 points1 point ago

I thought about posting this. Today. That blew my mind.

[–]butteryonions -1 points0 points ago

Upvote for relevant username. Well played RAINBOW_BACON

[–]okbutwat 0 points1 point ago

This show has been getting a lot of Reddit love lately, I hope that means more viewers next season... Criminally underwatched show.

Also, fans should really check this out if you haven't. So stupid. So funny. So tenuously related to Parks & Rec.

[–]i_love_younicorns 1 point2 points ago

[–]ChillsWithKittens -1 points0 points ago

WHAT SHOW IS THIS

[–]Dorito_Troll -1 points0 points ago

what kind of award winner uses vista

[–]Vadorm1r 0 points1 point ago

She didn't he wasn't having the attitude of an award winner, she just said it wasn't the attitude she expected.

[–]DimishLuck 1 point2 points ago

Ron Fucking Swanson

[–]Iable-A 0 points1 point ago

I started watching that show with the expectation that it was going to be awesome... I was pretty let down. Does it get better or is it just another office knock off?

[–]connorsg 0 points1 point ago

impeccable logic.

[–]nexus_5 0 points1 point ago

I know, I invented the language.

[–]pyro-genesis 0 points1 point ago

This is what people fail to understand about being a man; it's who you are, not what you do. I clean the house and do the laundry before my wife gets home, therefore it's a manly thing to do because I, the man, am doing it. I pity the fool that doesn't do chores because they're not 'manly'. With that attitude nothing you do is manly, it's a boyish striving for manhood.

[–]Arrow218 0 points1 point ago

I literally just watched this episode less than an hour ago, and I contemplated doing this!

[–]godofwar7018 0 points1 point ago

i forgot what show was this?

[–]AVVIT 0 points1 point ago

I've never seen this show. whats it called ?

[–]NumerousUsernames 0 points1 point ago

What show is this?

[–]richard_photograph 0 points1 point ago

i started watching this show yesterday and just saw the award episode moments ago.

[–]iamsofired 0 points1 point ago

Anyone else just not give a shit about ron swanson despite peoples best efforts.

[–]Aluwolf 0 points1 point ago

what show is this

[–]G-Winnz 1 point2 points ago

I never realized he had a Czech hedgehog in the corner of his office. The perfect office decoration for a man of that caliber.

[–]sebi0301 0 points1 point ago

Claymore!

[–]Maxilos9999 0 points1 point ago

Don't move...claymore.

[–]HarlequinNight -1 points0 points ago

His desk has a claymore mine pointed directly at her, a shotgun, and a WWII tank trap behind him...

[–]TrueMilli 0 points1 point ago

ITT: People who don't know what the word "expect" means.

[–]inibiru 0 points1 point ago

I've seen this posted like 3 separate times today.

[–]DimitriPetrenko -1 points0 points ago

Up votes for Ron Swanson every time!

[–]ConscienceKiller 1 point2 points ago

Woman of the Year: Ron Swanson!

[–]Mein_Tarnaccount 0 points1 point ago

It's about time.

[–]practicalTheories -1 points0 points ago

I just watched this episode today. I award you for this.

[–]Axyl_V 1 point2 points ago

I say this same thing when people tell me to "act my age."

[–]Afiki 1 point2 points ago

This is similar to my response when my parents would tell me to act my age.

[–]Razenghan 1 point2 points ago

Print Name: LAST, FIRST, MIDDLE

Swanson, Ron, Motherfucking

[–]GodKilledThemAll -1 points0 points ago

The 30 Rock marketing team is getting good.

[–]danoriffic -1 points0 points ago

Ron fucking Swanson

[–]SpaghettiLeftovers -2 points-1 points ago

Why do we put fucking in the middle of everyone we idolize on reddit?

[–]danoriffic 1 point2 points ago

[–]SpaghettiLeftovers 0 points1 point ago

In this instance I thank you for that.

Can we find a video to reference Bill fucking Murray?

[–]henryl25 0 points1 point ago

thats from Zombieland

[–]SpaghettiLeftovers 0 points1 point ago

Ok ok, point taken. I'm wrong. I thought it was a reddit trend. Guess I was mistaken.

[–]SilentLama -2 points-1 points ago

I laughed so hard at this hahaha

[–]4realthistime -4 points-3 points ago

Uses Internet explorer what a nooooob

[–]silenthero1 -1 points0 points ago

Ron uses IE because he would love nothing more than to see the government come to a standstill.

edit: Obviously not enough people actually watch Parks and Rec, because it's true. Ron hates the government.

[–]JLoche -2 points-1 points ago

I don't think he understands what she's saying.

[–]Sawmang87 0 points1 point ago

I think he needs to update his Adobe Reader. Better get on that one.

[–]tdn -2 points-1 points ago

I want to watch the show just for him but i can't stand Amy Poehler

[–]PersianSpice 3 points4 points ago

I wasn't too sure about Amy Poehler going into this either. The feeling kind of persisted through the first batch of episodes, too. However, by the time I was getting into the swing of the second season, she had grew on me. Now that I'm caught up, I think she's one of the best characters on TV. I urge you to power through the earlier episodes because it gets way better and only continues to improve.