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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]FlyBiShooter23 625 points626 points ago

"Birth control glasses...that's what we called them when I was in the Air Force because you sure as hell weren't picking up any women wearing these." - Dad

[–]BloominFunyun 219 points220 points ago

In the Army we called them BCGs for short.

[–]Maragil 457 points458 points ago

And in the Navy, we were too busy frolicking with the lads! Ah, those were the days!

[–]okieT2 96 points97 points ago

Marine Corps here. BCGs they were.

edit: I never gave a fuck. I sported those things for a while.

[–]NiceGuysFinishLast 49 points50 points ago

If the Marines wanted you to have a woman, they would have issued you one.

[–]-naut 94 points95 points ago

[–]grimpoteuthis 67 points68 points ago

I predict you getting posted in /r/ladyboners within the hour.

[–]whiskey_nick 20 points21 points ago

I wish someone would post me to /r/ladyboners.

[–]grimpoteuthis 44 points45 points ago

You will always be someone's ladyboner and don't forget that.

[–]wootastic 28 points29 points ago

You remind me of a rather buff Matthew Broderick.

[–]Nsraftery 3 points4 points ago

Buff and sweaty**

[–]princeahleefabulous 5 points6 points ago

Was the tape so they wouldn't slide down the nose at the range? I had to tape the middle, and the arms back behind the ears because my glasses would slide down as I was zeroing my M4. Then of course my helmet would slide forward and push them down so I had to push it back up... man I was styling.

[–]MossOwl 7 points8 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/Tm6Bx.jpg jesus you're hot O___o

[–]InappropriatelyGay 2 points3 points ago

Oh heeeeey there!

Will you save me Superman? :)

[–]fluffydelusions 20 points21 points ago

Hated those glasses with a passion. Is it just me or did they give you a stronger prescription than needed in boot camp? What added to the annoyance was I'm from way up northeast and it was like a punch in the face going to Paris Island in the middle of July for boot camp...

[–]Zaraste 7 points8 points ago

I had an issue with mine because I couldn't see out of my right eye which, for me, is kind of important at the range. I couldn't see the targets to shoot at them so I got away with wearing my civilian glasses, also because they were so lopsided the left side was nearly at the top of my head.

[–]DrGhostly 2 points3 points ago

At Navy boot camp they're smaller now with I guess you could call them "classic" square frames that definitely make you look more hipster in civvie clothes. You still get the sickening fish-bowl effect until you get used to them; for three days after I got them I was somewhat nauseous. And yeah, when they say it's "not perfect", you usually had a pair that were either slightly weaker or slightly stronger, cheap plastic and all.

[–]fluffydelusions 1 point2 points ago

I was just about to edit my post and say it took me a few days to get used to them and it quite literally did make me a bit dizzy lol

[–]aceoftrachs 17 points18 points ago

At the Old Navy we call them a feature sale item.

[–]skin_diver 7 points8 points ago

FSI

[–]elementalrain 15 points16 points ago

Apparently they didn't work on everyone. Lost my virginity to someone with BCGs.

[–]notanotherpyr0 23 points24 points ago

Navy here BCGs or "Boot Camp Glasses" if you're around leadership with a stick up their ass. I actually keep the sunglasses around because they are nearly industructable.

[–]flyryan 14 points15 points ago

Yeah it's BCGs for short in the Air Force still too. However, I think they changed them recently to not be so bad. Airmen these days get it so easy. /getoffmylawn

[–]seabass101dg 4 points5 points ago

They look decent across all branches now.

[–]Undercrown 16 points17 points ago

[–]fluffydelusions 2 points3 points ago

All branches have it easier now. It blew my mind when I talked to someone in the Marines a couple of years ago and they have new uniforms you don't have to iron and boots you don't have to shine. From what I've heard they even give recruits stress cards in boot camp lol...what next, no sand pit? /getoffmylawn

[–]Locobono 3 points4 points ago

"Stress Cards" are and always have been a myth perpetuated by those who want to believe they had it harder than everyone else.

[–]zortor 65 points66 points ago

And nowadays they help you get laid, my how times have changed.

[–]Grefins 30 points31 points ago

Not for me.

[–]cylon_agent 27 points28 points ago

Reason: It's because the glasses don't do anything. The glasses don't make the man!

[–]Turd_Sammich 49 points50 points ago

Ze goggles. They do nothing!

[–]dcshutter019 28 points29 points ago

Zey do nossing

[–]allineedis42 7 points8 points ago

The human reproductive process makes the man.

[–]hereforthemoney 1 point2 points ago

Well at least we're now fetishizing intelligence and book smarts instead of kicking someone's ass I guess. Even if it's an extremely superficial gesture, that's some kind of step forwards...right?

[–]KeyWitless 2 points3 points ago

Take them to an optometrist. Explain that they are not working.

[–]Padonogan 1 point2 points ago

What he's wearing in the picture aren't what I think of as BCG's. BCG's are much more blocky, squat and garish than what he's wearing.

[–]DorkJedi 0 points1 point ago

Confirm Marine Corps called them BCG as well.

Exemption: there was, for a short time, a turtle shell model that with tinted lenses looked pretty good. late 80's and Ray-Ban classics were popular.

[–]formerlylurkinlurker 0 points1 point ago

Or RPGs, rape prevention glasses.

[–]NotaMethAddict 974 points975 points ago

That reminds me of my friends! We have really fun nick-names for each other. They're always telling me, "Go away, faggot." "Nobody likes you Kyle." They are such rascals!

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 360 points361 points ago

Sounds like you could use a hug, Kyle.

[–]NotaMethAddict 659 points660 points ago

A hug? What are you, some kind of faggot?

But yes.

[–]Catsfosho 160 points161 points ago

A naked hug! :D

[–]drakoman 154 points155 points ago

Duh. We just call it a hug.

[–]Riotmaster0 106 points107 points ago

[–]drakoman 33 points34 points ago

[–]EnderBaggins 44 points45 points ago

nice jpeg ambush!

[–]Undecided38 37 points38 points ago

A moving .jpg? What is this madness?

[–]_delirium 32 points33 points ago

It's a GIF mislabeled as .jpg. Modern browsers ignore the file extension and render it by identifying the file from the first few bytes, so this gets treated as a GIF despite the filename.

[–]Intelensprotient 20 points21 points ago

JPEG2000 maybe.

[–]PENISPUNCHER 47 points48 points ago

Never forget

[–]jonnyboyo 11 points12 points ago

I'll never forget when you punched me.

[–]divinesleeper 5 points6 points ago

What are they looking at, they're naked, aren't they?

[–]TicklezPanda 6 points7 points ago

Such a perfect loop...

[–]JaggedToaster12 9 points10 points ago

That's because the GIF goes forward until they're looking at each other. Then the GIF goes backwards until it gets back to the start.

[–]the_red_phone 6 points7 points ago

I was always told not to talk about my "hugs."

[–]flood6 13 points14 points ago

Raised catholic?

[–]I_rape_inmates 3 points4 points ago

Spoon hug!

[–]nomnomgardettos 8 points9 points ago

No homo ejaculatory hugs.

[–]slipperyfist 7 points8 points ago

A butt hug.

[–]Catsfosho 6 points7 points ago

Ehh.. your username... blah...

[–]I_have_a_Secret 10 points11 points ago

Not gay unless penetration.

[–]Dr_Funkenstein_ 18 points19 points ago

That's my motto

[–]bachooka 11 points12 points ago

There is nothing gay about penetrating someone.

Being penetrated on the other hand... That's right up there with using a man purse.

[–]long_wang_big_balls 4 points5 points ago

And maybe a little meth

[–]ScaryFaces 18 points19 points ago

Oh those no good hooligans who undoubtedly practice tomfoolery!

[–]db_be 23 points24 points ago

Stop being all cheap & Jewy, Kyle

[–]Nightfalls 13 points14 points ago

Stop being such a fat fuck, Cartman!

[–]MStew95 11 points12 points ago

Butters?

[–]VeritablyClean 3 points4 points ago

You have the same relationship as Zoidberg and Hermes.

[–]mooselmo 6 points7 points ago

When he stops insulting me, that's when I worry.

[–]Arbitrus 3 points4 points ago

Friends! Help! A hamster tricked me!

[–]LoompaOompa 4 points5 points ago

Guinea Pig!

[–]random_potatoes[S] 210 points211 points ago

Oops, forgot to put in the title that this is an xpost from r/standupshots.

[–]subweird 123 points124 points ago

: )

[–]macsniff 19 points20 points ago

poor subweird getting downvotes for the original

[–]ieatbees 2 points3 points ago

Still, the original is the second top scoring link on that subreddit of all time.

[–]5ka5 27 points28 points ago

why should people downvote a smile? nasty redditors.

[–]SirBlackballs 50 points51 points ago

Nasty Hobbitses always stealings our content

[–]Uncoolio 17 points18 points ago

I'm the moderator of /r/standupshots and a friend of Dave's, and in this case, I'm all for it. We need to get as many people as possible to create a self-sustaining base of content. So dust off those old Bill Hicks jpegs and cash 'em in for karma. As a bonus, now all of the pictures-of-comics that clutter up the other subreddits will have a home. We're basically shooting to be a more literate version of AdviceAnimals.

[–]yesiamthankyou2 2 points3 points ago

You've a noble mission, friend.

[–]Progenitus 14 points15 points ago

Contributes nothing to the 'conversation'

[–]Red_Fanatic 4 points5 points ago

He posted the original.

[–]5ka5 21 points22 points ago

for me it says: "it's okay bro thank you for informing via comment. have a smile.".

[–]Turbineblade666 116 points117 points ago

Watcha readin' fer? Looks like we got ourselves a reada.

[–]fucktales 81 points82 points ago

"What am I reading for? Mostly so I don't end up as a fuckin' waffle waitress."

I miss Bill Hicks.

[–]Turbineblade666 13 points14 points ago

He was a prophet.

[–]fucktales 38 points39 points ago

“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.” --Bill Hicks

[–]KojakMoment 3 points4 points ago

There are dick jokes on the way, people.

[–]atorger1 7 points8 points ago

Source for those who haven't seen it.

[–]amartz 4 points5 points ago

RIP Bill.

[–]evildaveletterman 1 point2 points ago

Came here for a Hicks reference. Not disappointed. upboat

[–]whatainttaken 130 points131 points ago

The other day some kid asked me why the lenses in my glasses were so thick. I told him, "Because my eyes are really fucked up. Why the hell else would I be wearing glasses?"

[–]fistacorpse 54 points55 points ago

Maybe you just have aspirations of looking like Bubbles: http://i.imgur.com/EDsIf.jpg

[–]protendious 54 points55 points ago

Definitely thought you were referring to the Powerpuff girl.

[–]whatainttaken 13 points14 points ago

If only I were cool enough to wear a cat on my head!

[–]heymanitsmematthew 2 points3 points ago

I was expecting a picture of bubbles the Power Puff Girl with her huge glasses. Classic!

[–]lennybird 9 points10 points ago

I think it also depends on the lens material. I just recently moved from contacts to glasses and my lenses are thicker than I expected. My mom and I have similar levels of astigmatism in our eyes, and besides that, I have better vision naturally. But for some reason, her lenses are more than half the thickness.

As for hipster glasses, I didn't really think of them that way. The people at the store said they were the more popular ones, but I just didn't feel them. I felt more comfortable with the clear bottoms and black top.

[–]plethomacademia 5 points6 points ago

My insurance covers polycarbonate lenses that are much thinner than the standard plastic. Maybe you guys somehow got different types? That is weird, though.

[–]neogetz 1 point2 points ago

could also just be the level of thinning used. In the UK it can cost a couple of hundred to get super duper thinning, or around £50 for basic thinning.

[–]behooved 2 points3 points ago

Yes, this. It's called indexing. High index = thinner lenses = higher cost.

[–]hottytoddy18 33 points34 points ago

He kind of looks like Burnie Burns.

[–]jediyoshi 10 points11 points ago

Meets Will Smith.

[–]subweird 3 points4 points ago

hahahah okay, I could see that I look like Burnie Burns, but Will Smith?

[–]jediyoshi 6 points7 points ago

oops, i meant the less famous will smith of tested.com here

[–]snowyday 6 points7 points ago

[–]FalconPunchline 47 points48 points ago

The last time some dude told me I was wearing hipster glasses I responded "Bitch I play dungeons and dragons. I don't wear this shit to be cool."

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points ago

playing d&d is very hipster

[–]Mystery_Hours 13 points14 points ago

Only if you do it ironically.

[–]alkanshel 2 points3 points ago

They give an item bonus to ranged attack rolls?

[–]mrhoopers 1 point2 points ago

Gotta up vote you hard. That is a classic.

[–]samuraislider 1 point2 points ago

I say almost the same thing. I wear plaid, have black rimmed glasses, and have a beard. Sometimes I've been called a hipster. I usually respond with, "My 5 plus years of playing World of Warcraft say otherwise."

[–]MetalxZebra 26 points27 points ago

Saw this on Myspace three weeks ago.

[–]ForIvadell 62 points63 points ago

MySpace? What the fuck?

[–]MetalxZebra 54 points55 points ago

Facebook is too mainstream.

[–]Smaskifa 17 points18 points ago

Geocities must have been down at the time.

[–]23967230985723986 10 points11 points ago

I prefer carrier pigeon, it has a nice classic tactile feel to it that all these infernal machines lack.

[–]random_digital 4 points5 points ago

There was a long dial-in que for AOL that night.

[–]tha_snazzle 56 points57 points ago

Those are basically the archetypal eyeglasses shape. When you say the word "glasses," those frames are what pops into mind. It makes me mad that something that common would be patently written off as "hipster."

It's like calling someone a hipster for wearing a white shirt.

[–]mountfuji 28 points29 points ago

Yeah it starts to get vague and stupid after a while. Anything and everything makes you a hipster, and it's meant to be an insult.

I've been wearing black-rimmed glasses since 8th grade. I guess I've been a hipster for about 10 years then?

[–]hereforthemoney 20 points21 points ago

It's just become shorthand for anti-intellectualism recently. I can see where someone's coming from with the hipster label when you hear of a person only watches obscure Chinese dubbed films from Congo or some shit like that, but it's when it's applied to anything that might be slightly alternative/intellectual. Kind of like 'I usually enjoy just switching off to action films, but I felt like checking out this French film the other day that looked pretty good', only to be met with 'fucking hipster'.

Soon it really is going to be 'look, he's reading a book...we got ourselves a hurrpsterrr'.

[–]hrrsnjcb 60 points61 points ago

Would you say you've been a hipster since... before it was cool?

[–]pilcher_Z 7 points8 points ago

I know that guy. He's pretty swell, for a book-reading faggot.

[–]ineffectiveprocedure 5 points6 points ago

I bought glasses with huge red frames right when I started hanging out with a new crowd of people. As a result, I got to experience what it's like being visually stereotyped as a hipster. People will assume a surprising amount about you. I tell people I ride a bike and they're like "Fixed gear?" When I'm at a party and I volunteer to go for a beer run, people are like "Okay, but no PBR."

A while back an acquaintance asked me for help using Instagram. I was like "I can't help, I've never used Instagram" and he seemed genuinely surprised.

I was like "Why is that surprising? Oh... Is it cause I'm... I see how it is."

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]frobischer 210 points211 points ago

A little shop somewhere in Vietnam? Let me guess, you could tell us the name of the town but we've probably never heard of it.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Bloodysneeze 85 points86 points ago

Not sure you got the point of that post.

[–]modnf 20 points21 points ago

maybe he got it the first 300 times he heard it, and just didn't feel like playing along this time

[–]ViagraSailor 44 points45 points ago

meta-hipster

[–]DoesNotTalkMuch 10 points11 points ago

My favourite thing about his comment is that you really can't tell if he got the point of that post. It's either brilliant sarcasm or entertaining obliviousness. We'll never know, unless he specifically tells us (and he could be lying either way). It's schrodinger's social consciousness.

edit: ah, I hadn't considered that he might delete it. Yeah, that's a pretty clear indicator that he was just clueless.

[–]Aiskhulos 27 points28 points ago

I've actually heard of Hue. You're not a very good hipster.

[–]coughcough 22 points23 points ago

I used to be way into Hue... until it got trendy.

[–]NELyon 23 points24 points ago

I'm more into Saturation nowadays.

[–]not_a_novel_account 5 points6 points ago

I prefer Contrast, but you've probably never heard of that

[–]brycedriesenga 5 points6 points ago

Really? I find Desaturation to be much more innovative.

[–]warped_and_bubbling 0 points1 point ago

Hue? Pfft, that place is getting too mainstream IMHO. Although there is a real kitsch thrift store there where I bought my last fannypack.

[–]RoflCopter4 3 points4 points ago

Did you stroll on in with a portable vinyl record player and a Polaroid handing from your neck, wearing a scarf in the summer?

[–]nomopyt 1 point2 points ago

Exxaaaacccttly.

[–]Bloodysneeze 5 points6 points ago

Well, hipsters are really into traveling. Especially to places where other white folk fear to tread.

[–]Rimm 2 points3 points ago

Owning anything that didn't come directly from a corporate chain is hipster you dunce.

[–]dpeteuil 3 points4 points ago

I'm sure this will actually give you more street cred in the hipster community.

[–]JustASomeone 11 points12 points ago

I thought that was Burnie Burns at first.

[–]Nivardica 42 points43 points ago

Hipster seems to just be synonymous with fashionable nowadays. I dyed my hair brown from blonde and one of my friends told me I looked hipster now. I just dyed my hair brown. I guess theres nothing else you can insult someone with if they are looking good.

[–]compto35 34 points35 points ago

"You know what they call a guy that cares about his looks and clothes?"

"Hipster?"

"A grown up"

[–]no_fatties 6 points7 points ago

Which is funny because people seem to care less about how they look as they age.

[–]theislandking 17 points18 points ago

At this point in time, everything is Hipster. That word is dead. Kaput. Zilch. People have zealously tried to exclusivize every known novelty to man, there is nothing left. Okay. Nothing.

So if you think your secret club of secret style is still secret, think again. It already has a Facebook page, and it has already been bastardized by the media, your mother and the entire human race.

[–]andrewsmith1986 139 points140 points ago

[–]random_potatoes[S] 25 points26 points ago

Remember, NOMA, you vowed to stalk me forever....

[–]zortor 0 points1 point ago

HAH, it's even spelled REEDING, genius.

[–]P3risH 9 points10 points ago

The only letters i need to know are U, S, and A.

[–]yashar1 18 points19 points ago

I feel as if the book should be swapped out with the constitution.

[–]digmachine 20 points21 points ago

the word "hipster" is so diluted, it basically just means "white middle-class" now

[–]ashmole 2 points3 points ago

Hipster accusations always remind me of this comic: http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/540

[–]_tenken 3 points4 points ago

glasses jokes are only funny to people who wear glasses in the adult/prime of their lives -- i was literally almost born with glasses (first pair were swimming goggles as a baby) ...

meh glasses joke.

[–]Earthian 11 points12 points ago

Someone called me a hipster, and I took it as a compliment, because wanting to not be a hipster is too mainstream.

[–]scBaldwin 5 points6 points ago

As a prescription ray-ban wearer I probably hear "LOLWHY DO UWEAR GLASES WIHT NO LNSES?/" a few times a month.

[–]Dankycheese 1 point2 points ago

Why is there such a negative stereotype with nerds and glasses?

[–]raging_asshole 19 points20 points ago

I gotta say, "hipster" is the new "emo," (which was the new "scene," which was the new "goth," etc. forever) in that every time someone says it, I want to stab their eyeballs out with an icepick and pour salt in the sockets.

[–]WorldTomination 21 points22 points ago

I feel like "emo" was a thing before "scene" was.

[–]Bloodysneeze 35 points36 points ago

Sounds like you might be a hipster.

[–]Zdeno_Chara_Is_Tall 25 points26 points ago

Really? All I can hear is his jimmies.

[–]SubmergedYak 2 points3 points ago

Rustling gently in the breeze.

[–]Smaskifa 3 points4 points ago

Or an emo.

[–]Archaeopteris 9 points10 points ago

No no no, young punks age into emos who then age into scenesters who then age into hipsters; goth is an intermediate which can fit in at any stage in the development.

[–]tehcharizard 2 points3 points ago

Emo can't be the new scene. It's the older of the two.

[–]ZeppelinJ0 0 points1 point ago

Stop being so emo

[–]manlord 2 points3 points ago

I call them 'typical redditor' glasses.

[–]dodspringer 0 points1 point ago

WAAIL, Looks like we got ah'selves a reada!

[–]BlackFire210 1 point2 points ago

Those book readin' Faggot glasses sure are hipster

[–]toyo7m 0 points1 point ago

This guy used to draw really great comics. Maybe he still does, I haven't kept up.

[–]machonacho 0 points1 point ago

Any Trailer Park Boys fans here? "Julian, thinks he's better than everyone else with his book-learnin' and shit. Look at me, I've never read a book and I turned out just fine." - Ricky

[–]HipsteresqueGlasses 0 points1 point ago

I approve of his glasses.

[–]ropers 4 points5 points ago

In a way, the people who condescendingly call you a hipster are really no better than the people you condescendingly call you a faggot.

[–]gulpeg 3 points4 points ago

But most hipster glasses have no lens in them.. Won't improve your reading

[–]ihaterilokiley 2 points3 points ago

This is stupid. Did you just hear about this phenomenon on the Internet? Because despite living in a young hip city (Austin) and attending plenty of festivals/shows across the country I can't say I see people wearing glasses without lenses.

[–]to11 2 points3 points ago

What? Who cares?

[–]bro_b1_kenobi 0 points1 point ago

Art school graduate here, think I'd prefer "book reading faggot glasses"

[–]jigielnik 0 points1 point ago

didn't know rutledge wood was doing stand-up these days

[–]subweird 0 points1 point ago

hahahaha awesome.

[–]DarkStar5758 4 points5 points ago

You could go to Greenwich, NY. They're just called glasses there.

[–]yhelothere 2 points3 points ago

DAE hate hipster, Justin Bieber and Nickelback? XD XD

le upboat

[–]iahawk -1 points0 points ago

Hey whatta ya know I have those glasses

[–]davidisallright 0 points1 point ago

I would argue however, that they strangely look hot on women.

[–]Domdotcom 0 points1 point ago

I didn't know Rody Walker quit music and switched over to standup comedy.

[–]rinopod -1 points0 points ago

Nothing has ever summed up my day to day quite like this

[–]srd178 1 point2 points ago

It's funny because the South.

[–]ncm3t4l 1 point2 points ago

I've been looking for a guy that drummed for a band I was in by the same name for a few years. This guy always comes up.

Funny dude.

[–]CitizenJaggers -1 points0 points ago

Hahaha, people in the deep south are awful... This is seriously the top thing on reddit?

[–]gigiwelch600 -1 points0 points ago

Naughty school girl glasses-AWKWARD

[–]Berton_Guster_Voice -1 points0 points ago

That's nice, but why is he wearing Jonah Hill's shirt from Superbad?

[–]bankruptcy00 -1 points0 points ago

I have that same shirt!

[–]bubblybooble 0 points1 point ago

Um, that's what hipster means.

[–]Warmachine1000 0 points1 point ago

book reading faggot glasses is not bad, in my town they were called... oh its too bad, brings tears of sadness into my eyes... sorry had a moment there.

[–]RonaldFuckingPaul -1 points0 points ago

The only thing hipster about this post is that it is in the r/funny sub ironically. Or is the sophomoric buzzword cluster supposed to churn my fartwheel?

[–]KilowogTrout 0 points1 point ago

I like the small credit down at the bottom. That was a nice touch.

[–]rahtin -1 points0 points ago

Nobody reacting to the use of the word faggot?

Not sure if proud, or pissed off with inconsistent behaviour.

[–]Mr_Charry 0 points1 point ago

I like how the spacing of the text leads you read it in the cadence of his delivery. Well done.

[–]kontech 1 point2 points ago

Legit question, where can I buy one of them?