Our place of devotion to the one true god, Nicolas Cage. His light guides us away from the temptation of John Travolta, and saves us from our bees.

His known prophets are Stephen King, who controls the mind, and M. Night Shyamalan, whose endings are always unforeseen. Follow their instructions, and you may achieve Mitt Romney, a state of eternal salvation and peace.

He is sworn enemies of Xenu and his minion Obama, and fights against the aliens with the help of the FSM, commander of pirates.

Praise Cage! May your Mountain Dew be sweet!

The words, teachings, and histories of the Cage are found in the Hat. Each chapter of this wondrous script is known as a Cat.

• The Cat of Creation

• The Cat of the Hive

• The Cat of Decay

We do not wish to impose any earthly restrictions on His followers, but we would ask that reposts be kept to a minimum, and avoided if possible. Original content showing the glory of our Lord is greatly welcomed.