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top 200 commentsshow all 350

[–]bgarlick 596 points597 points ago

So, in the wild say there is a predator. The mother cat picks up her kittens by the backs of their necks so she can take them to safety. So they don't struggle or make noise, pinching the backs of their necks sends endorphins in a rush straight to their insane cat brains. So if you want a cat to like you, scratch the back of its neck.

[–]seemonkey 55 points56 points ago

This should really work on dogs, too, because that's how bitches carry their young.

[–]archeronefour 139 points140 points ago

Don't go bringing your mother into this.

[–]CHooTZ 48 points49 points ago

[–]Raneados 2 points3 points ago

Number 5

Was this person wearing sandals made of ACID?

[–]michaeljane 5 points6 points ago

Wal-Mart flip flops a few years ago had poisonous Chinese chemicals in them. It gets worse than this.

[–]Gandalv 25 points26 points ago

[–]72skylark 25 points26 points ago

"Bitches Love It When I Grab 'Em By Dey Necks" is just one of the gems you'll enjoy when you order Chris Brown's Phattest Jamz My Publicist Begged Me To Delete From My Hard Drive!

[–]VivaLaBeaver 221 points222 points ago

Programming bug: what if a predator grabs a cat by the back of the neck?

[–]marburg 634 points635 points ago

If one of your predators has access to your neck, it's pretty much game over.

[–]VivaLaBeaver 515 points516 points ago

Poor giraffes...

[–]marburg 229 points230 points ago

Nature's dorkiest animal.

[–]khavyer 22 points23 points ago

they stop for a while, several times.

they look...like "owwww everything is moving now"

[–]georgeguy007 15 points16 points ago

From what it seems, they are actually waiting for the other guy to make the move. In those pauses they are having a stare down, and seem to be analyzing each other. It may seem weird because they are facing forward, but that's because of their eyes are on the side of their heads.

As an example, at around 2m in, one giraffe goes lowers his head, and the other mimics him to block his move.

Its weirdly awesome.

[–]HabitOfCreature 47 points48 points ago

No kidding! Our necks are painfully stubby and inadequate. If a human tried to fight back by swinging his head at a giraffe, he'd only look silly.

Because I'm not aware of any method of human self defense other than swinging your head at things, If elected Prime Minister, I promise human necks will be lengthened by 7% by 2025!

[–]danE3030 34 points35 points ago

I like the text that flashes at the beginning, "They don't show you this on T.V.", like its some sort of a glimpse into the mysterious, shady, perverse underworld that is Giraffe Fight Club.

We're bringing you the inside scoop!

[–]HabitOfCreature 9 points10 points ago

Plus I've seen Giraffes fight on Animal Planet.

[–]HocusThePocus 3 points4 points ago

I'll have what he's drinking

[–]Thecrumblingcookie 11 points12 points ago

That is probably one of the worst fighting styles I have ever seen if you imagine humans doing it.

"What did you say to me? That's it, I'm going to pummel you with the most vulnerable part of me!"

[–]McTwisterson 13 points14 points ago

My groin!

[–]shredtasticman 2 points3 points ago

No, the other head.

[–]Nocturnhabeo 4 points5 points ago

Noooo the head you don't want to kill the other guy.

[–]Nyarlathotep124 5 points6 points ago

They use their faces as weapons, why the fuck did evolution decide that was a good idea?

[–]Dr_Explosion 6 points7 points ago

I think they are trying to use those stubby l'il horns on the tops of their heads, but as you pointed out, they end up using their faces.

[–]AnimalKingTurret 3 points4 points ago

This is the essence of American politics.

[–]Madvillains 6 points7 points ago

they are going neck and neck.

[–]Goobtron5000 2 points3 points ago

Imagine them saying hello everytime they hit.

[–]mmb2ba 2 points3 points ago

Hey man, say what you want, but the last time I was at the zoo the giraffe was busy fellating himself. Like a boss.

[–]jyomas 7 points8 points ago

Giraffes are the Chuck Norris of the savannah. Their knees can rotate a full 360 degrees, and a full kick from a giraffe could decapitate a lion. Don't fuck with Giraffes.

[–]MaxPowerzs 130 points131 points ago

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

Shit dude, I remember this exact same diagram in my biology textbook in like 2000. There was another one showing the Lamarckian theory where the necks just gradually get longer. Poor Lamarck.

[–]trsn 12 points13 points ago

geraffes are stupid

[–]valas34 15 points16 points ago

Stupid long horses.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Gigawatz 81 points82 points ago

*geraffes

[–]DivineDevil 124 points125 points ago

               ._ o o
               \_`-)|_
            ,""       \ 
          ,"  ## |   ಠ ಠ. 
        ," ##   ,-\__    `.
      ,"       /     `--._;)
    ,"     ## /
  ,"   ##    /

[–]potato_tits 33 points34 points ago

Long Horse.

[–]danE3030 22 points23 points ago

We must go longer

[–]Archenoth 22 points23 points ago

Think we should tell him?

[–]koobaxion 7 points8 points ago

the amount of downvotes piled on me is just excessive. god for-fucking-bid i had commented on a post about an antteater

[–]LeonardNemoysHead 0 points1 point ago

They're already pretty tall to begin with. They're the biological equivalent of building a skyscraper the same height as the world record and then slapping an antenna on top.

tldr William F Lamb designed giraffes.

[–]seridras 7 points8 points ago

[–]infinnity 2 points3 points ago

Game over man, game over

[–]sjs 0 points1 point ago

Physical access → all bets are off.

[–]moukou9 22 points23 points ago

Going to use this the next time I fight a lion.

[–]VivaLaBeaver 24 points25 points ago

That's why I always carry a variety of novelty sized bulldog clips at all times. You know, for lion fighting.

[–]justinhood88 3 points4 points ago

Thank goodness I thought I was alone in this world

[–]VivaLaBeaver 6 points7 points ago

You're never alone with a high quality, novelty sized bulldog clip

[–]Gothiks 13 points14 points ago

IT'S A FEATURE!

Like "auto-closing."

[–]5hassay 5 points6 points ago

system("PAUSE");
// use security loophole to GTFO

[–]R0ck0_81 12 points13 points ago

*paws

[–]bgarlick 4 points5 points ago

You know the picture of the sad tigress who gets five piglets dressed in tigerskin to make her feel better after her own cubs died? What happens when she picks them up?

Bacon, that's what happens.

[–]tblackwood 1 point2 points ago

The Circle of Life happens.

[–]pTea 0 points1 point ago

Stockholm Syndrome

[–]danguro 1 point2 points ago

Inversely, what if you grab a predatory cat by the back of the neck?? O.o

[–]romple 0 points1 point ago

It bleeds profusely until it dies?

[–]TylerKeys 37 points38 points ago

It's important to note that it is rare for this reaction to last into adulthood. It's usually only present while they are still kittens.

[–]Cecek 18 points19 points ago

Really? My family had had tens of cats and I think most of them still have this reaction. They might not get completely "paralyzed", but you can definitely still notice it with them.

[–]monsda 26 points27 points ago

I tried on our cat that's about 10. I regret it.

[–]huck_cussler 7 points8 points ago

Yeah my cat outgrew it too. When I first got her I used to be able to make her completely chill out by pinching her neck. Now she just gets annoyed.

[–]SWgeek10056 5 points6 points ago

Are you a vet/have you been trained where the spot on their neck is? if not it probably will just piss them off. My fiance actually is in the process of becoming a vet tech and has done this. They shouldn't really grow out of it, though they can sense if you are under-confident by your actions.

[–]Kuusou 5 points6 points ago

When I got my kittens a few months ago, a friend came over and grabed one of them like this. She looked so god damned helpless. I don't know if she grew out of it, but I don't want to try, because I feel like I'm taking away its free will.

[–]masmith1980 11 points12 points ago

Tens: that important designation for a group that is more than 19, but less than 24.

To be fair, I have been known to say "I'd pay fives of dollars to see that."

[–]AintGettinDatKarma 2 points3 points ago

My cat's ~4 years old, and she doesn't get paralyzed when I pinch her neck, but she does usually relax and stop moving as much when I grab her.

[–]unusualSurvivor 7 points8 points ago

Upvoting for insane cat brains.

[–]bgarlick 2 points3 points ago

thanks, this has turned into the single biggest karma thing I have ever done on reddit, and I owe it all to insane cat brains.

[–]CactusInaHat 8 points9 points ago

Doesn't work so well with homeless people.

[–]capt_ishmael 8 points9 points ago

I wish that a pinch to my neck would send endorphins rushing to my brain.

[–]creatingapathy 2 points3 points ago

A good hug will do it.

[–]LumiaLad 192 points193 points ago

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Enviirted 46 points47 points ago

[–]LeonardNemoysHead 8 points9 points ago

When did they do an Office-CSI crossover?

It's a joke about lighting design and I apologize. I haven't shaved in some time and am starting to have what resembles a beard.

[–]simplesignman 7 points8 points ago

If I had a nickle....

[–]soulofgranola 2 points3 points ago

You would just be rolling in European Woodpeckers?

[–]simplesignman 1 point2 points ago

Actually, I would have no woodpeckers my good sir. I hold on hope regardless, that someday, I will have my nickle.

[–]soulofgranola 3 points4 points ago

Are we still talking about your penis? You know those things sorta stop growing after a while, right?

[–]simplesignman 2 points3 points ago

That's not what the ad said.... just 7 more weeks baby, 7 more weeks.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]new_math 45 points46 points ago

[–]BigSwedenMan 8 points9 points ago

Honestly, that dude creeps me out

[–]iateyourdinner 11 points12 points ago

How do one explain that in english?

[–]BewilderedAlbatross 3 points4 points ago

To my understand you're pinching the nerves off so the signal from the brain can't reach the appropriate muscle for a reaction

[–]Irishinfernohead 1 point2 points ago

How do you pronounce biventer cervicis?

[–]BewilderedAlbatross 2 points3 points ago

[By•ven•ter] [Sir•viss•siss]

[–]RdotHarper 396 points397 points ago

If anyone else is tempted as I was to try this on their girlfriend, don't bother. It just pissed her off.

[–]Themaxlong 78 points79 points ago

thanks for the Heads up....

[–]mjm7496 75 points76 points ago

You need a bigger clamp.

[–]meekroboutmyass 62 points63 points ago

Give 'em the CLAMPS!

[–]CardboardHeatshield 8 points9 points ago

That was not an image of the type that I was hoping for...

[–]HocusThePocus 5 points6 points ago

Please elaborate

[–]CardboardHeatshield 0 points1 point ago

Clamps and girlfriends. Use your imagination.

[–]SSlartibartfast 4 points5 points ago

That sounds painful, or a type of STD.

[–]footballersrok 19 points20 points ago

And giant pair of testicles.

[–]Willyjwade 4 points5 points ago

A bigger clamp can fix every problem encountered.

[–]WilliamTheTaft 30 points31 points ago

HAHAHHA

GIRLFRIENDS, AMIRITE?

[–]AbstractSkylines 13 points14 points ago

I got it to work with my hand, idk bout you

[–]taw 1 point2 points ago

It totally works on human women just as well, except not as extremely, and the proper way is to pull hair there not too strongly.

It doesn't work anywhere else, so it's probably the same evolutionary mechanism.

[–]Langly- 2 points3 points ago

You just need to be dating X5-452, although that might really get you clobbered.

[–]2nday0 2 points3 points ago

tried anyway, got sex. I'd say it's worth the risk.

[–]yanceylebeef 158 points159 points ago

It's not a bug, it's a feature!

[–]EricWRN 57 points58 points ago

It looks like he became [puts on shades] catatonic

[–]CarbonFiberToast 22 points23 points ago

MEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!

[–]squishfacethegloop 35 points36 points ago

If you've ever seen a mother cat carrying a kitten in her mouth, you can see the use.

[–]QS86 16 points17 points ago

Pretty sure thats only the debug mode

[–]BittyTang 16 points17 points ago

[–]Whatsername18 55 points56 points ago

This made me want to try it on my cat. It was effective(:

[–]Themaxlong 24 points25 points ago

It worked????

[–]Whatsername18 37 points38 points ago

It did!

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

I demand proof

[–]Whatsername18 23 points24 points ago

I'm sorry, I don't know how to prove it to you... Get a cat, try it out?(:

[–]Themaxlong 33 points34 points ago

I'm heading home the minute the clock hits 5... fuck responsibilities my girlfriend can take the bus home...

[–]Whatsername18 23 points24 points ago

I think it works better on kittens, I tried it on my 6 year old cat and she looked at me like "What the fuck are you doing Human.Stop it." But my kitten just layed there like she was okay with it.

[–]Themaxlong 5 points6 points ago

whats your opinion on cats like age 2 1/2?

[–]Whatsername18 47 points48 points ago

My opinion? They're cute furry bastards..

[–]moose_sex 3 points4 points ago

laid*

[–]Whatsername18 2 points3 points ago

Thank you for the correction! I didn't realize it(:

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

Could this hurt my cat? It's not technically my cat, but I still love him.

[–]TheAdAgency 5 points6 points ago

Not unless you also pick it up like a kitten. Whilst the cat will go limp, an adult cat is too heavy to be picked up by the scruff without injuring it.

[–]Whatsername18 12 points13 points ago

It didn't hurt my cats. My little Zelda even cuddled with me after (: Also, don't steal your neighbors cats.

[–]psychoticdream 20 points21 points ago

Also, don't steal your neighbors cats.

Shit.... Brb gotta return this uh.... package! Yes! That.

[–]Executioner1337 2 points3 points ago

My little Zelda

You... you named your cat Zelda?

[–]El_Snuffy 3 points4 points ago

[–]bottmanakers 88 points89 points ago

You know every redditer is going to do this. I image offices around the world will find a shortage of bulldog clips tomorrow.

[–]Beeslo 128 points129 points ago

TIL those are called bulldog clips. I've just always called them big black clippy things.

[–]drweezyfbaby 69 points70 points ago

bulldog clips are slightly different. the clip in question is called a binder clip.

[–]cdcformatc 14 points15 points ago

I call them wang clips, I mean, everyone just puts em on their wang.

[–]coffeefueled 12 points13 points ago

Only once.

[–]FistysPizza 5 points6 points ago

Wang hangers!

[–]arte444 21 points22 points ago

I call them purses

[–]atalkingfish 7 points8 points ago

Why are they being named after dogs if their intended use is clearly for cats?

[–]elbruce 8 points9 points ago

I've always called them binder clips.

[–]Themaxlong 15 points16 points ago

I've already raided the storage closet and found none...Thank god for the Bulletin Board....Looks like no one is going to make Lloyd's cookout.

[–]LearnsYou 24 points25 points ago

Give him an extra dollar.

[–]danomite736 10 points11 points ago

we would collapse like a bunch. of. Broccoli!

[–]tobysionann 6 points7 points ago

Nice hopping.

[–]senordiabeto 24 points25 points ago

Cat.exe has un-expectantly quit.

[–]leesoutherst 10 points11 points ago

Coming soon:

Cat v1.1

-bug fixes

-improved cuteness, speed, and size

[–]clamsclamsclams 8 points9 points ago

and this is how you do it with horses Twitch
And sharks enter a similar state if you turn them over.
Invert a lobster so it's head down and tail in the air. Stroke it up and down along its back, and it will curl its tail inward and not move a muscle.

[–]captain_zavec 5 points6 points ago

You can put crabs to sleep by rubbing their stomachs. Then you can set them down while they're still and it'll be a few seconds until they wake up again and scurry off.

[–]djloreddit 6 points7 points ago

looks like a hardware bug though

[–]TC10284 7 points8 points ago

Male cats also bite this area when they are trying to mate.

Unfortunately, I've seen cats mating.

[–]haappy 9 points10 points ago

Cat penis is also a pretty horrific thing.

[–]TC10284 1 point2 points ago

Spines?

[–]haappy 2 points3 points ago

"hook-like barbs"

[–]wojtekmaj 2 points3 points ago

Oh if only that could work with humans...

[–]Strbrst 6 points7 points ago

[–]sugarbits 5 points6 points ago

Reminds me of the classroom scene in Young Frankenstein. (Which I can't link because Fox has copyright issues.)

[–]bekib00 2 points3 points ago

I was just thinking this. For a second there, I was sure they would poke the cat and when they took the clip off it would just start crying in agony.

[–]Executioner1337 2 points3 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
Put your kitty on stand-by mode. 174coms 326pts 1yr funny
Temporarily paralysing a cat with a bulldog clip - is this for real? 13coms 12pts 1yr WTF
I wonder if this works on all cats 8coms 10pts 1yr pics
Frozen in time 144coms 395pts 1yr gifs

source: karmadecay

[–]churro89 2 points3 points ago

This bug report (ID xlxXq) is a duplicate of the following bugs:

Resolving this case and marking as a duplicate.

User churro89 (QA)

[–]LizzyBeth88 12 points13 points ago

Prepare for the influx of ignorant animal abuse accusations

[–]trilliongrams 30 points31 points ago

My only concern is if some dumbass uses an extremely strong clip that would bruise the skin. Tip: if it hurts to pinch your own skin with it, don't put it on your cat.

[–]allisonivy 3 points4 points ago

I actually came here to ask if it hurts the cat at all.

[–]LizzyBeth88 6 points7 points ago

Unless you pinch it really hard, nope. That part, the scruff, is a lot of loose skin. It's not wise however to pick a cat up by their scruff since the weight will cause at least discomfort. If you have a fat cat lifting them this way could cause pain. Kittens, being small and light, don't get hurt at all.

Vets actually do this with a clip to calm agitated cats.

[–]LeanBean17 2 points3 points ago

The gif w/sound version of this has a chock-full of those, unsurprisingly.

[–]JustinFromMontebello 2 points3 points ago

Wait, we have this now? I didn't know.

Oh, it's a youtube video.

[–]stash0606 2 points3 points ago

You mean exploit.

[–]nate800 2 points3 points ago

Thank God someone finally found the off-button.

[–]Yuphrum 2 points3 points ago

Its an instinctual reflex from when the cat is a kitten and the mother grabs it by the nape of the neck. It doesnt hurt the cat at all.

[–]dustysquareback 2 points3 points ago

Um, that's a feature.

[–]Fledgeling 2 points3 points ago

That honestly looks a lot more like a debugger than a bug to me.

[–]Pixelskaya 2 points3 points ago

I never thought I'd see someone I know on the frontpage of Reddit! That girl (or the owner of those hands) is my dad's assistant at his vet clinic. The cat I do not know.

[–]Sharzona 2 points3 points ago

I tried this on my cat once. She made a pitiful mew, so I took it off and felt terrible about it for the rest of the week.....

[–]WillSnipeForPie 5 points6 points ago

I_Rape_Cats probably me gusta'd his dick off at the sight of this.

[–]JustinFromMontebello 2 points3 points ago

This calms the cat.

[–]theratwhisperer 0 points1 point ago

I used to love doing this to my housemate's cat. Especially while she was eating.

[–]citrus2644 1 point2 points ago

Is anyone else immediately reminded of Mel Brook's "Young Frankenstein"?

[–]ProbablyFatIRL 0 points1 point ago

[–]Troll_McTrolltroll 0 points1 point ago

I think they fixed this in the CatOS 6.1 update.

[–]forever_Crazy13 0 points1 point ago

Should do that for my cat when taking him a bath.

[–]derping 0 points1 point ago

are big wild cats like this too?

[–]dusmeyedin 0 points1 point ago

The full video is even more impressive. Moments before the vet put the clip on the cat's neck, the cat was very active, trying to climb down from the table, turning this way and that, wanting to explore the room and look around.

Then, clip goes on, and... trance.

[–]tif23 0 points1 point ago

WARNING: Do not try this with a chip clip. Results are bad.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

have we tried this on tigers yet?

[–]itriedtoquitreddit 0 points1 point ago

Unfortunately not all cats come with this "off" switch -- mine just fucks you up, regardless.

[–]theo58 0 points1 point ago

It's not a bug. It's a feature.

[–]Goobtron5000 0 points1 point ago

No how many cats died as a result of this video?

[–]zolind123 0 points1 point ago

Who else tried this on there cat? (nicely I hope)

[–]AliasUndercover 1 point2 points ago

That's where mommy cat grabs them to carry. They usually stop freezing up after a certain age, though, but this is more of a feature than a bug.

[–]amazingboy97 0 points1 point ago

Too bad this doesn't work on humans. Babysitting would be a breeze.

[–]DavidJMurphy 0 points1 point ago

This is the technique I use to temporarily conquer the fuck out of cats who are being intolerable.

[–]origamifred 0 points1 point ago

Anybody else thinking of Young Frankenstein? "Mother grabbing bastard!"

[–]Sirdannykins 0 points1 point ago

actually that feature comes standard with most models, it is just not mentioned in the paper work.

[–]Crkilla414 0 points1 point ago

Would you say he went..... catatonic?

[–]Polyester_Girl 0 points1 point ago

Same thing if you tie a tea towel around the cat's belly

[–]freddybear 1 point2 points ago

I think it might be because the cat think it is being lifted by their mother, so not to fuck anything up they just stay still. But I don't know anything, just a wild guess :)

[–]slartibarter 0 points1 point ago

Young Frankenstein anyone?

[–]borgfinkleton 0 points1 point ago

My cat used to have that problem. You just have to disable Java.

[–]LePandaMan 0 points1 point ago

Great.

All I need is a cat.

[–]joyfield 0 points1 point ago

Not a bug but a feature. It is so because when mother cat shall carry their kittens they should be still.

[–]kerdon 0 points1 point ago

It's a feature.

[–]MrWhite2020 0 points1 point ago

Microsoft would tell you that's a feature ... and charge you for it :)

[–]mikeyermstrang 0 points1 point ago

Just mean