Things to say during sex.

pervertedpapaya · 2012-09-05T16:23:37+00:00

You're beautiful like a moon

I don't think comparing a person to something big and round is something good to do while having sex with them

everyfivemins · 2012-09-05T17:02:31+00:00

http://i.imgur.com/bAWft.jpg

mtldude1967 · 2012-09-05T15:57:15+00:00

"You ain't gonna shit right for a week!"

tatertotz84 · 2012-09-05T16:10:12+00:00

I just pooped...a lot...on your dog.

andrewsmith1986 · 2012-09-05T14:55:51+00:00

I rule!

at fuckin'

My job

Is truckin'

Don't stop

Keep suckin'

Well, I now know what I'm saying next time.

gigitythatwutshesaid · 2012-09-05T15:42:11+00:00

I'm going to pound the farts out of you - Chicks love that line!

justpwndu112 · 2012-09-05T17:10:18+00:00

meh

thanks...

Here's a dollar

in change

...mostly pennies.

accurately describes my last hookup

Mysirus · 2012-09-05T16:27:16+00:00

Lost it, "at who's your abusive stepfather?"

Domthecreator14 · 2012-09-05T16:33:10+00:00

I commonly scream "im gonna pound the farts out of you"

kceb · 2012-09-05T17:01:43+00:00

Hahahah, Meh>Thanks...>A lot>Peaches. Wat.

Worst_Lover_Ever · 2012-09-05T16:43:46+00:00

My version.

QCD · 2012-09-05T16:43:54+00:00

HAIL SATAN

Definitely using that one next time

CaptainBus · 2012-09-05T14:49:10+00:00

A cheetah hiss is good, is it? Okay...

RockFerrit · 2012-09-05T16:47:34+00:00

Anything in french

MDef255 · 2012-09-05T16:33:23+00:00

I love how...ie Mandel's comedy.

aa_calvet · 2012-09-05T15:21:42+00:00

I like that in sex with a foreigner, you would say "Madre mio!", which typically translates to something along the lines of "My mother!", if I'm not mistaken.

JaronK · 2012-09-05T17:00:43+00:00

Aw, this is missing my favorite real life one. A girl I know was in missionary position with her boyfriend when he leaned up and said breathlessly into her ear "You smell like my mother."

Instant mood killer, that.

Jberrybear · 2012-09-05T17:19:36+00:00

Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? lmfao

HeyLolitaHey89 · 2012-09-05T15:12:24+00:00

"Bestial wail?" I lost it there. First post to make me laugh all day.

SeraphSirius · 2012-09-05T14:57:49+00:00

Brilliant Kaleidoscope

Siethron · 2012-09-05T15:25:11+00:00

"I love you" might be a bad thing to say, during a random hookup.

DJSUMMIT · 2012-09-05T16:19:58+00:00

n=2 => "Heil Hitler"
http://i.qkme.me/3on5c8.jpg

Zentaurion · 2012-09-05T17:31:42+00:00

I lost it at "Heil Hitler". This is literally fucking hilarious.

philosoraptocopter · 2012-09-05T17:45:05+00:00

Bullshit. "Heil Satan" is the best thing you can possibly say throughout the entire duration of sex.

Baby_Wayne · 2012-09-05T17:56:58+00:00

I guess I'm just a little bit confused why "I just pooped" is on the bad side?

DraperWhite · 2012-09-05T16:25:06+00:00

"Madre Mio" makes no sense.

1- It's "mia" no matter the sex of the person saying it. 2- What kind of person screams "My Mother" during sex and considers it a good thing?

juanitothebandito · 2012-09-05T16:22:57+00:00

Not too sure on "your beautiful like a moon"

candid862 · 2012-09-05T19:32:23+00:00

I already thought "whose your daddy?" was a bit vile.... But "whose your abusive step father?" is almost worse!

itwascookies · 2012-09-05T16:32:40+00:00

Someone spent way too much time making this.

Theartiswrong · 2012-09-05T19:27:48+00:00

This chart makes no sense. It's not a flow chart, the end points aren't actions or conclusions or results. Some of the bubbles contain criteria, and some of them contain words that you say.

Some of the pathways put together a phrase, but some of them are just the criteria to get to a phrase.

Shitty_Repost_Police · 2012-09-05T16:30:46+00:00

License and registration please.

AdrianCXD · 2012-09-05T17:17:41+00:00

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title	comnts	points	age	/r/
Things To Say During Sex [flow chart]	4^coms	11^pts	8^mos	funny
Things to Say During Sex	83^coms	666^pts	10^mos	pics
Things to say during sex	16^coms	176^pts	2^mos	funny
Things to say during sex	5^coms	32^pts	10^mos	funny

inquirewue · 2012-09-05T16:49:29+00:00

I actually find this helpful, thanks!

cursed_deity · 2012-09-05T17:08:02+00:00

i can hardly imagine 90% of this actually being said.

Kelfox · 2012-09-05T17:19:21+00:00

I bark and howl during sex. Where do I fit in?

miksedene · 2012-09-05T17:20:44+00:00

"(The Lord's Name in Vain)" All I could think of was this.

DaJoW · 2012-09-05T17:21:41+00:00

"Your mom's a whore" is bad!? That explains so much.

silent_p · 2012-09-05T17:21:40+00:00

Thanks a lot, peaches.

bigbear343 · 2012-09-05T17:27:45+00:00

When in doubt don't say a word and keep constant eye contact.

POWERGULL · 2012-09-05T17:28:11+00:00

I read 'your partners name' as 'your parents name.' I really didn't think she wanted me to be yelling JO ANN at her....

witty_account_name · 2012-09-05T17:30:24+00:00

Hey, this isn't nsfw porn. What gives, man?

gentlechin · 2012-09-05T17:31:48+00:00

No, don't stop. No. Seriously.

rileythereaper · 2012-09-05T17:33:16+00:00

I pooped. A lot. On your dog.

achshar · 2012-09-05T17:35:14+00:00

okay.jpg i'll save it for later.

DarKnightofCydonia · 2012-09-05T17:37:49+00:00

This is brilliant. It's the /r/funny post that just keeps on giving

PotatoGirl · 2012-09-05T17:39:35+00:00

Hissing like a cheetah? My SO might not know what to do after that...which means now I have to try it.

YSCapital · 2012-09-05T17:42:18+00:00

"I love How ie mandels comedy"

Edrondol · 2012-09-05T17:42:40+00:00

Hello, Vicar?!?

Damn that's funny stuff!

YSCapital · 2012-09-05T17:44:01+00:00

"I rule, at fuckin, my job, is truckin, dont stop, keep suckin"

ragogumi · 2012-09-05T17:46:34+00:00

Since when do cheetahs hiss?

ImParanoid · 2012-09-05T17:46:49+00:00

You got a full on laugh from me with "I just pooped, a lot, on your dog."

ESPguitarist · 2012-09-05T17:47:34+00:00

"I'm going to pound the farts out of you."

Gold, Jerry! Gold!

StChas77 · 2012-09-05T17:48:59+00:00

I think the phrase "ah, that tickles!" should be in there from personal experience.

d0peamine · 2012-09-05T17:51:29+00:00

I still don't understand how asking a girl if you are her father is in any way a turn on.

raccoonguy8 · 2012-09-05T17:52:45+00:00

"Welcome to Sementown, population: you!"

captainmagictrousers · 2012-09-05T17:52:50+00:00

You know what's fun to say during sex? Anything, if you're a ventriloquist.

Eddyoshi · 2012-09-05T17:55:09+00:00

I shall keep this in mind

robcrusoe · 2012-09-05T17:55:21+00:00

can somebody colourize this?

GanjaGamer69 · 2012-09-05T17:56:38+00:00

I disagree with one small portion of this infographic. "We're going to hell for this" should not be on the bad side. Whenever I've said that, it's almost always because something awesome is happening.

Domthecreator14 · 2012-09-05T17:57:18+00:00

Another one I didn't see... You feel like my dad!

James-VZ · 2012-09-05T17:58:44+00:00

Did not see "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" very disappointed I rate this chart at -4/10.

MJMan420 · 2012-09-05T18:01:59+00:00

"Heil Hitler" is a bad thing to say? I didn't know that.

Chugabum · 2012-09-05T18:03:56+00:00

Shouldn't have read this in class...

Cealous · 2012-09-05T18:03:56+00:00

I think Imma go turn this into a poster for over my bed

Spoonbread · 2012-09-05T18:11:30+00:00

I too read the words in the picture.

Jefrejtor · 2012-09-05T18:15:18+00:00

I guess saying "your mom's a whore" does a lot to heat up the atmosphere.

Wanhope · 2012-09-05T18:15:36+00:00

So the only choices foreigners have is aye caramba and heil hitler?

FaptosaurusRex · 2012-09-05T18:16:13+00:00

You can tell a woman wrote this

yogiontour · 2012-09-05T18:17:20+00:00

Downvoted because there was no "Fancy some of the old, LICKAROO?"

JurassicParkerr · 2012-09-05T18:18:10+00:00

Je parles le français. Qui voudrais me joindre au lit? ;)

(I speak french. Who would like to join me in bed?)

Tracerface · 2012-09-05T18:18:25+00:00

I am disappointed that "Go go gadget Splooge!" Is missing from this since it is clearly the best thing to say during sex.

Allogistic · 2012-09-05T18:21:58+00:00

Step 1: learn what to say during sex. Step 2: have sex.

I'm halfway there.

Ihavetheinternets · 2012-09-05T18:22:47+00:00

You mean saying "Heil Hitler" is a bad thing? God damn it, I've been doing it wrong this whole time...

Sokonomi · 2012-09-05T18:25:58+00:00

Heres my chart during sex.

(Scroll)-(Click)-(Doubleclick)

timmytimtimshabadu · 2012-09-05T18:26:57+00:00

I really want to say "I'm going to pound the farts out of you" now.

TaintShredder · 2012-09-05T18:30:31+00:00

You're Mom's a Whore. FTFY

aLittleCreepy · 2012-09-05T18:31:23+00:00

im gonna go with "Who's your abusive stepfather?"

be_more_canadian · 2012-09-05T18:32:39+00:00

I wouldn't consider yelling "Shit!" a good thing at all

pimpwaldo · 2012-09-05T18:35:33+00:00

"I'm going to pound the farts out of you!"

be_more_canadian · 2012-09-05T18:35:40+00:00

Rawr! (T-REX)

Toothyy · 2012-09-05T18:36:45+00:00

I always do the sheep sounds: Bhaaaaa, meaaaah. After that I say: Heil hitler. She mad.

Toothyy · 2012-09-05T18:38:42+00:00

I just pooped alot on your dog... That'll do it.

bigoldirtydick · 2012-09-05T18:39:08+00:00

____________ princess.

traveler1986 · 2012-09-05T18:39:13+00:00

"Sweet Jesus" has been said....

Jealousy123 · 2012-09-05T18:39:28+00:00

I'm gonna pound the farts out of you.

Why is this on the bad side?!?

Head_of_Lettuce · 2012-09-05T18:39:42+00:00

"I just pooped. A lot. On your dog."

LetsPlayDotA · 2012-09-05T18:41:06+00:00

Why is "we're going to hell for this!" bad? :(

It's kinky.. raunchy! (I always wanted to use that word, ty :))

DomoMachete · 2012-09-05T18:42:26+00:00

When I called my g/f a "Naughty girl/boy" she wasn't very pleased... =(

7/10 will try again

daddy_zordon · 2012-09-05T18:42:47+00:00

Im dying in my completely silent class, trying not to cry from all these laughs pent up inside me...... NSFC

Possumdd · 2012-09-05T18:44:08+00:00

Wait so what you are saying is that I shouldn't say hail Satan during sex? That explains so much.....

MangoMonger · 2012-09-05T18:45:07+00:00

And the book it came from

mattyg915 · 2012-09-05T18:47:05+00:00

I can't hear "Ay Caramba!" in anything but Bart Simpson's voice. I'd laugh too hard to continue if that one ever actually came out.

cssdy · 2012-09-05T18:52:47+00:00

I'm gonna go ahead and suggest that all of the rhetorical questions get moved to "bad." (Nothing's killed it more than being asked, "Do you like that? Do you?")

boamundus · 2012-09-05T18:54:07+00:00

Anything in French?

Comme une vache espagnole?

Dowgellah · 2012-09-05T18:54:27+00:00

it's missing the worst thing you can say during sex:

"that' it?.."

xLittleLady · 2012-09-05T18:58:31+00:00

oh man, this is just beautiful. Couldn't stop laughing sigh

Devilb0y · 2012-09-05T19:01:22+00:00

I love that making a noise like a T-Rex is heavily in the good side of this ven diagram. I'm going to start making love to John Williams to see if I can prompt this reaction.

EricksA2 · 2012-09-05T19:03:06+00:00

Thanks a lot, peaches.

McFro · 2012-09-05T19:05:10+00:00

The Bad side needed a giant bubble coming off of Dirty that just says "I wanna give you the Ol' Lickaroo.".

MrCee · 2012-09-05T19:06:33+00:00

The first thing that my eyes went to was Thanks. . . Heres a dollar, in change, mostly pennies!!!

Mattisback89 · 2012-09-05T19:06:57+00:00

Thanks....here's a dollar....in change....mostly pennies.

MindF_ck · 2012-09-05T19:08:21+00:00

is it supposed to bend like that?

Knewtworiddet · 2012-09-05T19:08:21+00:00

Whale sounds are perfectly normal during sex. Along with, "Thar she blows!"

Knewtworiddet · 2012-09-05T19:08:22+00:00

Whale sounds are perfectly normal during sex. Along with, "Thar she blows!"

MyNameIsBro · 2012-09-05T19:08:44+00:00

someone needs to soundboard this.

aznspartan94 · 2012-09-05T19:11:46+00:00

That punctuation at the bottom.

Cendeu · 2012-09-05T19:14:24+00:00

"Wanna suck this shit?" made me laugh too hard.

De_Lille_D · 2012-09-05T19:14:36+00:00

Some combinations should probably be avoided:

Sweet Jesus.

I'm going to nail your ass.

Tannz0rz · 2012-09-05T19:14:45+00:00

Omlette au fromage.

justonecomment · 2012-09-05T19:15:55+00:00

We're going to hell for this.

MindF_ck · 2012-09-05T19:18:22+00:00

is it supposed to bend like that?

louisscale · 2012-09-05T19:21:31+00:00

Only UK'ers of a certain age will get this, but my friends girlfriend once said "to me, to you!" during sex. Didn't go down well but they're still together.

BobLobLawsLawFirm · 2012-09-05T19:28:37+00:00

Other people don't speak whale during sex?

joreclros92 · 2012-09-05T19:30:23+00:00

I think I'm going to try some of the "Bad" things to say during sex just to see what my girlfriend's reaction is... Starting off with I'm going to fuck the fart out of you.

H-Resin · 2012-09-05T19:31:48+00:00

Am I the only person who feels uncomfortable saying absolutely anything during sex? It just...idunno....seems weird

binaryspartan · 2012-09-05T19:32:56+00:00

"Is it in yet?"

My poor buddy had to live with that one during high school as the chick spread the tale as well as her tail around the school.

Durango_bob · 2012-09-05T19:33:25+00:00

You just got boned by the Poop Fag! (Don't say that)

Valisk · 2012-09-05T19:38:10+00:00

I am amazed that "victory for the forces of democratic freedom" isnt on here yet.

whoaaitsjess · 2012-09-05T19:39:23+00:00

If someone said "You are beautiful like a butterfly" to me while we're having sex, I'd slap them.

CrossCheckPanda · 2012-09-05T19:41:17+00:00

Maybe were doing it wrong but if I made a T-Rex Noise I think that she would put on her clothes and walk away. Not sure how that goes under good

PicklesofTruth · 2012-09-05T19:41:41+00:00

i've gotten several complaints from my partners that I make too much small talk in bed. the last example i can think of i was having sex and i started asking my SO if she had finished the laundry and she looked at me like i was crazy, but my mind wanders around a lot what can i say.

WhatHaveWeHur · 2012-09-05T19:42:18+00:00

I yelled "it's cummin' timeee!" right before finishing a few weeks back. Needless to say, my lady friend was not amused (although we do joke about it now).

SHEISA_MINNELLI · 2012-09-05T19:46:10+00:00

IM YOUR SISTER IM YOUR SISTER

Qwertyon · 2012-09-05T19:52:24+00:00

But making whale noises is like, my signature thing. Myoaooooooooaoooooooooooam

aquamariner · 2012-09-05T19:54:54+00:00

Hitler did nothing wrong.

tolarian_tutor · 2012-09-05T19:59:36+00:00

Hsssssss......like a cheeter

jessicahonig · 2012-09-05T20:04:57+00:00

I just pooped on your dog.

Metroda87 · 2012-09-05T20:06:30+00:00

You forgot whispering their moms name into their ear. Tried it once, it was counter productive.

indoobitably · 2012-09-05T20:07:03+00:00

I'm going to pound the farts out of you.

Not something I would say, but certainly has happened.

CbDraft · 2012-09-05T20:09:08+00:00

Poot!

Nopskillz · 2012-09-05T20:10:04+00:00

Can you smell what the Rock is cookin? LULZ

DonkeyKong92 · 2012-09-05T20:13:21+00:00

AwwoooOoOOOh, huuuuughhhhhhh

NameOnTheInterwebs · 2012-09-05T20:14:36+00:00

"I'm going to pound the farts out of you."

:)

funny

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