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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]IcyColdFire 279 points280 points ago

I like how there is a Wikipedia article for this argument. There is even math in there. MATH I TELL YOU!!!

[–]autodefenestrator 155 points156 points ago

For a public restroom stall with a dispenser holding two rolls of paper, Donald Knuth proposes classifying users into big-choosers (those who take paper from the roll that is currently larger) and little-choosers (those who do the opposite). Letting denote the probability that a random user is a big-chooser and that of a little-chooser, Knuth uses contour integration and generating functions to find the expected number of sheets left on the larger roll when the smaller one runs out. (emphasis mine)

Donald fucking Knuth...

[–]Enginerdiest 70 points71 points ago

It's worth pointing out that Knuth's analysis has nothing to do with orientation of the roll, just describing how much toilet paper you'd expect on one roll when the other runs out.

[–]Chazzey_dude 20 points21 points ago

I would take it from the smaller roll; you may aswell finish something before starting something else.

[–]SeesAndPostsOnlyPoop 30 points31 points ago

Poop

[–]dastevonader 13 points14 points ago

[–]Gooberpatrol66 43 points44 points ago

Mankind was not meant to have such knowledge...

[–]Morris-The-Cat 8 points9 points ago

[Barry] Sinrod observed of his survey, "60 percent of those who earn $50,000 or more prefer it to be over and 73 percent of those who earn less than $20,000 prefer under".[40] On what that proves: "I don't know, but it's sure interesting."

Damn right it's interesting, Barry, damn right.

[–]___Redditor___ 29 points30 points ago

What an unusual long wikipedia article..

[–]runs-with-scissors 4 points5 points ago

This is an important topic.

[–]blackbelt9226 6 points7 points ago

I'm surprised that only 8% say they don't know or care.

[–]whytofly 16 points17 points ago

Over:

Ann Landers, advice columnist, who wrote on the day of her last column in 2002, "P.S. The toilet paper hangs over the top."[106]

Under:

Ann Landers, advice columnist: "I'm very compulsive about it. The toilet paper needs to be hung down along the wall. I'll actually rearrange it myself if I'm over at someone's home and I see it hung over the top."[125]

ಠ_ಠ

[–]IntrnetHteMchne 3 points4 points ago

That's such a dick move...

[–]Homo_erotic_toile 245 points246 points ago

Same here, except I have a two year old instead of a cat.

[–]joe_shmo123 205 points206 points ago

What species of two year old?

[–]El_Snuffy 386 points387 points ago

Instead of a cat.

[–]WhatISayIsNotTrue 60 points61 points ago

I fucking love you.

[–]kdpha 82 points83 points ago

I was feeling happy and warm inside until I saw your username.

[–]WinterFallPT 6 points7 points ago

I was feeling happy and warm inside until I read your comment.

[–]killyourego 111 points112 points ago

I love fucking you.

[–]browniecookie 258 points259 points ago

How old is your two year old?

[–]Homo_erotic_toile 155 points156 points ago

Two.

[–]ryankearney 102 points103 points ago

Two? Two what?

[–]RapedYourFriend 231 points232 points ago

Too old.

[–]StraY_WolF 56 points57 points ago

Checkmate.

[–]mathisntfun 36 points37 points ago

two ply?

[–]swedishdelight 42 points43 points ago

You are just going to have to put that kid down as humanely as possible. There is no excuse for breaking toilet paper etiquette.

[–]Homo_erotic_toile 26 points27 points ago

I've been thinking about re-homing him.

[–]Bakudai 307 points308 points ago

[–]dbigb 28 points29 points ago

I almost started photoshopping this myself. I knew it had to have been done.

[–]Bakudai 17 points18 points ago

Yours probably would have looked better.

[–]rixoff 3 points4 points ago

That's what she said.

[–]Tetha 4 points5 points ago

Mine is vertical. Add in a cat mummy please.

[–]IamtheHoffman 3 points4 points ago

Thank you for saving me the time.

[–]loathing 2 points3 points ago

Came here looking for exactly that. Thanks!

[–]RestoreFear 1109 points1110 points ago

I just close the door.

[–]TheLastBadger 228 points229 points ago

My asshole cats figured out how to open doors.

[–]Don2k12 138 points139 points ago

A friend of mine has the weirdest looking house-trained Boxer dog, and it can open doors around the house by headbutting them. One time I stayed in his guest room after a house party, and shit bricks when I heard a loud bang at 7am, then felt something jumping on top of me and refusing to move until he pissed all over the sheets. Bear in mind it was pitch black and I was seriously hungover. Worst part is, my friend blamed me for the sheets. So thank you, Nero!

[–]FCKSQUATCH 287 points288 points ago

Worst part is, my friend blamed me for the sheets. So thank you, Nero!

You've probably told it that way so many times that you now believe it yourself.

[–]SaliciaKeyz 19 points20 points ago

the emperor?

[–]medicineboy 25 points26 points ago

Knobs or handles? Because there's a world of difference between the two.

[–]ForgettableUsername 50 points51 points ago

The bathroom door is actually just a big flap hanging from the ceiling. In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best choice for keeping cats out of the bathroom.

[–]Quackenstein 8 points9 points ago

Flap of what?

[–]runs-with-scissors 38 points39 points ago

Flap of house.

[–]smithoski 3 points4 points ago

Start calling it "The Bathroom Flap".

[–]BorkyBorky 7 points8 points ago

This knob is mine, there are many knobs like this one out there, but this one is mine.

[–]paradigmx 17 points18 points ago

I'm now picturing the raptor in Jurassic park, as a cat...

[–]WolvesAtOldGilsDoor 64 points65 points ago

Sometimes folks keep the litterbox in the bathroom.

[–]imlost19 36 points37 points ago

that's what I do. Keep the shit box in the shit room.

[–]ForgettableUsername 17 points18 points ago

All the time? That's mad! How do you know if there's someone in there?

[–]lakeone 114 points115 points ago

Impossible, then he can't reap karma by placing the cat in his underwear and tell us it does that all the time!

[–]mrvegas 16 points17 points ago

But then they wouldn't have access to their water supply.

[–]gusatron51 43 points44 points ago

I just don't own a cat.

[–]mario1687 18 points19 points ago

How dare you?

[–]Puskarich 7 points8 points ago

You aren't alone bro. We can get through this together.

[–]SupermanV2 638 points639 points ago

[–]Epsilius 374 points375 points ago

What kind of celebratory pose is that woman on the right doing? Is she Magneto?

[–]this-color-is-blue 153 points154 points ago

It seems as though she's channeling the energy of the surrounding cacti into her head.

[–]vishalb777 6 points7 points ago

She needs 3 episode to charge all that energy

[–]profnutbutter 57 points58 points ago

She somehow managed to overact as an extra in a 3 second celebration shot.

"Unholy ACTING TALENT."

[–]bumbletowne 22 points23 points ago

Yeah, my little asshole figured out how to open doors after a week of living here.

The bathroom has since evolved into his bathroom, water fountain, place to take plastic bags, and penny-on-the-floor extravaganza.

[–]Sqpon 26 points27 points ago

Dude how do you do all that with your asshole? Can...can I watch?

[–]Lillipout 7 points8 points ago

I keep the litter box in there.

[–]iorgfeflkd 13 points14 points ago

Where do you keep the litter?

[–]FinalFate 10 points11 points ago

Some people keep it in the laundry room.

[–]Buckwheat469 15 points16 points ago

The garbage, but some keep it on the side of the road.

[–]RestoreFear 5 points6 points ago

My basement.

[–]FrankiePhoenix 15 points16 points ago

Cats love to climb and get into every room of the house. When they can't, they'd start clawing at the doors. That's bad.

[–]CSI_Tech_Dept 3 points4 points ago

Since you don't have any control over your pets, why not just take the TP to living room and let them play with it?

[–]Alaira314 22 points23 points ago

Control + cat = does not compute.

Dogs are so much more agreeable.

[–]neilmoore 11 points12 points ago

But then how will they get to their water fountainthe bathroom sink?

[–]MercifulSky 5 points6 points ago

Or toilet. My cat drinks out of the toilet.

[–]goatworship 29 points30 points ago

Or just get rid of the cat. Hanging your roll backwards is a compromise too far, I say. Rest assured Reddit can fill your cat void.

[–]Madhadda 28 points29 points ago

Better yet, get a goat.

[–]goatworship 37 points38 points ago

Having every item in your house munched on will really put that cat related toilet paper drama in perspective.

[–]POSTS_GIFS 407 points408 points ago

[–]StellaMaroo 43 points44 points ago

I agree, I think it's cute. But I'm sure I would stop thinking it's cute if my cats started unraveling the toilet paper every day.

[–]timmmmmm 253 points254 points ago

[–]TmlzMiso 217 points218 points ago

[–]Ska-jayjay 257 points258 points ago

[–]McShizzL 56 points57 points ago

[–]vinyl_party 30 points31 points ago

I literally just let out a big aaaaaaaaaawwww when I saw that. You win this round Ska-jayjay. My upvotes are forfeit.

[–]raevpet 3 points4 points ago

If you don't want to send long URLs to folks, the good people over at Imgur will let you upload photos directly from the web via direct image links. It's super neat!

I'm especially grateful for this when sending images to people and I don't want the surprise ruined by a stupid, long URL saying something like "www.haha-funny-pictures.blogspot.org.com.co.uk.eu.gov/images/funny%20pictures/man%20pointing%20at%20screen%20laughing%20large-version.jpg".

[–]Ska-jayjay 0 points1 point ago

Thanks, but i was just being lazy. I could also have used a service like tinyurl. edit for typo

[–]LacquerCritic 2 points3 points ago

Nooooooo. From reddiquette:

Please Don't:
...
Link with TinyURL or similar services. There are few reasons to hide what you're linking to, and most of them are sneaky.

[–]SupermanV2 30 points31 points ago

WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL THESE AMAZING CAT GIFS!?

[–]timmmmmm 108 points109 points ago

[–]hilarioussagittarius 41 points42 points ago

I heart you.

[–]bac0nBre4th 9 points10 points ago

That is a nice gif.

[–]hsssssssssssssssssss -1 points0 points ago

4 needs a 'Deal With It'

[–]sired_tick 0 points1 point ago

How come when I try to give you all of my upvotes, every 2nd one downvotes you?

[–]SupermanV2 7 points8 points ago

I love you.

[–]ianscuffling 61 points62 points ago

/r/CatGifs

Holy shit, I typed that as a joke, and it turns out it's a real thing. TIL.

[–]jayme0227 107 points108 points ago

[–]tidni 42 points43 points ago

Ma Nigga.

[–]Cross33 6 points7 points ago

We take our cats seriously

[–]SunChaoJun 31 points32 points ago

[–]itaremeelar 6 points7 points ago

I waited so long, expecting the kitty to fall in...

[–]JeremyR22 8 points9 points ago

The first ten times, yes, it's cute... The first ten times. Then it's not cute, it's expensive and you face a difficult choice: spend a fortune on bog roll or incur the wrath of my wife for there not being a roll on the holder...

[–]neilmoore 115 points116 points ago

My wife and I switched for the same reason. Now the toilet paper gets shredded instead of piled up in the floor. Not much of an improvement.

It's always our blind cat who does this, for some reason.

[–]jettrscga 172 points173 points ago

"I can't see so you don't get to wipe!"

Seems fair.

[–]Charm_City_Charlie 52 points53 points ago

Makes tracking by smell easier, I suppose.

[–]hairy_monkey 19 points20 points ago

Then you keep touching it every time you take a shit, forget to wash it, and create a bacterial breeding ground.

[–]DoubleRaptor 21 points22 points ago

Just pull the paper out from underneath, the only time you need to touch it is when you replace the paper. It's not supposed to hide the paper, just make it heavy to turn.

[–]thekilljoy 8 points9 points ago

Looks like steel or some such metallic surface; most bacteria (most) won't live very long on that, even with you touching it five times a day.

[–]ManicOppressive 16 points17 points ago

You... I never... I HATE YOU. GODDAMMIT. I have to take that thing off now because of you! Fuck you!

[–]bananakonda 6 points7 points ago

Stop getting shit on your hands.

[–]iamrory 2 points3 points ago

Make it out of copper.

[–]FCalleja 6 points7 points ago

Wait, is copper anti-bacterial or something?

[–]shenkhar 3 points4 points ago

They you wash your hands after pooping like a person should.

[–]Haikuyori 6 points7 points ago

It's because most toilet paper brands, when torn, release a faint chemical that induces a sort of catnip body high and it exercises the mental imagery in the cat which your blind cat needs. The best way to negate this chemical is to spray the toilet paper with 4 parts water and 1 part sugar solution. This method will keep your cat from shredding the TP and give you a very sweet asshole.

[–]Cross33 7 points8 points ago

This doesn't sound right, but i dont know enough about cats or toilet paper to dispute it

[–]sociopathic_hacker 5 points6 points ago

Cats get high on toilet paper?

[–]Haikuyori 4 points5 points ago

Nope

[–]mightierthanthesword 5 points6 points ago

And here I was expecting it to be that fake expert novelty. Disappointed.

[–]GeorgeTaylorG 2 points3 points ago

He probably thinks its a mouse, or a ghost.

[–]RestoreFear 17 points18 points ago

Or maybe he's just an asshole.

[–]A_romantic_infection 27 points28 points ago

if they had claws, you wouldn't be so fortunate.

[–]endymion2300 70 points71 points ago

Some men just want to watch the roll turn.

[–]wwhateverr 10 points11 points ago

Squeeze your toilet paper roll flat before hanging it the "right" way. This will create slight indents in the cylinder, so that when a cat or child plays with it, it won't roll continuously.

[–]Zvanbez 54 points55 points ago

As a scientist, I appreciate and commend the labeling of this two panel figure with "fig.1" and "fig. 2". It makes me feel warm on the inside.

[–]DiggShallRiseAgain 57 points58 points ago

As a scientologist, gimme all ur money

[–]MySexAndDrugsAccount 16 points17 points ago

As a scientist

I think you mean student

[–]statusisnotquo 13 points14 points ago

Students studying science can still call themselves scientists.

[–]iamrory 19 points20 points ago

Shit, I was a scientist in the fourth grade when I put litmus paper in different liquids and grew a goddamn butterfly from a caterpillar.

[–]Cross33 28 points29 points ago

I hope you made it get rid of harden, that shits useless.

[–]gattofila 13 points14 points ago

The cutest cat caught in the act ever. (a fellow Redditor's cat, not my cat!)

[–]herpmcderpia 267 points268 points ago

Am I the only person on Reddit that doesn't give shit about which way the toilet paper hangs?

Pun intended.

[–]leviathenr 64 points65 points ago

I couldn't be bothered to buy and install a toilet paper hanger, now my toilet paper just sits on the tank.

[–]mupanda 58 points59 points ago

at a restaurant yesterday the toilet paper was sitting on the tank. someone moved it from the hook and i didn't think to move it back.

fast forward a few seconds to when go to dry my hands and the xlerator hand dryer is also above the tank. i watched the whole event unfold in slow motion: the jet engine powered air blasting the roll of toilet paper off the tank and straight into the toilet bowl water. i don't know why but it upset me a lot. i even swore as i watched it go down- over a silly thing of tp.

it felt like the roll's life was cut short- i guess. it still had so much toilet-paper left to give. :'(

[–]KallistiEngel 45 points46 points ago

Why in the hell would they put the hand dryer above the toilet? That's just bad bathroom design.

[–]profnutbutter 15 points16 points ago

Space constraints, I'd imagine.

[–]mupanda 15 points16 points ago

Indeed it was.

It was a humid day as well and the stickiness was seeping into the restaurant. I had never felt such a wistfulness for the bygone days of brown paper towels.

[–]empireofnyy 11 points12 points ago

That roll gave its life defending your ass. Never forget.

[–]Reliant 5 points6 points ago

Whether or not I care depends entirely on the bathroom. My current apartment, where the toilet paper is located relative to the toilet, those couple of inches of difference from what side the toilet paper is hung make a big difference in how comfortable it is for me to reach over and grab some. When I see it hanging under, I'll turn it around to over so it's easier for me to use.

[–]Jackski 2 points3 points ago

My toilet paper hold is vertical so it doesn't even hang. Just sits there, judging me.

[–]Stubbo 6 points7 points ago

Nope, just typing the same myself!

Additionally: The Solution

[–]RockOutToThis 71 points72 points ago

Not sure if solution is the wire... or the closed door.

[–]Stubbo 92 points93 points ago

What you cant see is the ACME anvil at the end of the wire, cat breaks in, wire hooks on neck, pull, splat, job done

[–]BorkyBorky 26 points27 points ago

ACME products never works as intended for the one that buys the products. It will backfire. Always. Ask Wile E. Coyote, he will tell you some grim stories.

[–]sfriniks 23 points24 points ago

It amazes me that they've stayed in business this long with such shoddy products.

[–]Reesch 5 points6 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Andrilena 4 points5 points ago

My cat has never messed with the toilet paper, and I put it on the "right" way. She does like to knock things off the counter, though.

[–]spearmintSTK 4 points5 points ago

I always put it the wrong way then

[–]Metsa 11 points12 points ago

That's definitely the best argument I've seen for this way of toilet paper arrangement. Still not enough to convert me though

[–]bajasa1[!] 14 points15 points ago

[–]Jbbbbb 2 points3 points ago

That cat wants it so bad.

I think he deserves it for trying so hard

[–]stonecutterunderwear 19 points20 points ago

Actually I think underhand is the correct way. When Homer and Marge had their kids taken away by CPS, one of the notes Marge read off the report was "toilet paper hung in improper overhand fashion."

[–]a_hungry_anus 10 points11 points ago

This is exactly why I hang it underhand.

[–]Frigguggi 3 points4 points ago

I refuse to let the gummint dictate how I hang my toilet paper.

[–]Username582 23 points24 points ago

I just get a dog.

[–]Will_M10 6 points7 points ago

Best comment here.

[–]lhmatt 3 points4 points ago

It was cats on reddit all along trying to make me change the way I roll.

[–]Bammurdo 3 points4 points ago

I'm terrible at Photoshoping (or Painting, in my case), but this is what happens anyway:
http://imgur.com/MiZLw

[–]Jazzremix 13 points14 points ago

My dog doesn't give a fuck about the toilet paper. In fact, he doesn't go in the bathroom for any reason. He's awesome.

[–]Purpose2 7 points8 points ago

Adding this to a list of reasons why I prefer dogs.

[–]tuckmyjunksofast 5 points6 points ago

The ONLY reason to hang toilet paper backwards is for pets and small children. BTW, most cats will still shred the roll even if they cant get it into the floor.

[–]ihatecats18 5 points6 points ago

Fight back against the cat nation.

[–]SuperBicycleTony 13 points14 points ago

I find the mechanics of tearing a piece of paper off the roll are easier when the roll is positioned the 'wrong' way.

[–]throwmeawayout 3 points4 points ago

This whole thing just isn't a big deal. I just change it back to the right way whenever I see it the wrong way. Takes like 2 seconds.

My cat figured out how to spool it off no matter the direction. After that I set him up a few times and used the whole coffee can full of dry beans thing. I think it only took three big scares for him to give up on the tp roll.

[–]triemers 3 points4 points ago

Coffee can full of dry beans? What? Please explain, kind sir.

[–]Tjebbe 8 points9 points ago

Probably a mostly empty can with beans on the roll, so it falls of and makes beanloads of noise when the cat pulls the paper.

[–]throwmeawayout 4 points5 points ago

Nah you just wait in ambush. As soon as you hear the tp rolling, jump into the bathroom and shake the can really loudly. The cat will bolt and will eventually avoid the tp roll.

[–]IgnorantZebra 10 points11 points ago

you could just put the toilet paper on top of the bowl

[–]RikF 49 points50 points ago

Let me conjure up an image for you of how that works out.

<Cat> Oh, there's something up there. Looks like fun.

Cat jumps up onto the top of the bowl.

BATBATBATBATBAT

SPLASH.

<Cat> Well, that was fun. I wonder if they've left me anything else to push off things today.

[–]Claughy 39 points40 points ago

Why wasn't the lid down?

[–]ImTheDoctah 4 points5 points ago

You put both lids down? I've always thought the seat was sufficient.

[–]Claughy 25 points26 points ago

Its to prevent things from falling in the water, and to prevent animals from drinking or otherwise getting into the bowl

[–]3dmonkeyarray 7 points8 points ago

When you flush, a "polluted plume of bacteria and water vapour erupts out of the flushing toilet bowl. The polluted water particles float for a few hours around your bathroom before they all land."

SOURCE: (http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2004/07/01/1143577.htm)

[–]Howzitgoin 5 points6 points ago

Pretty sure that mythbusters proved that this occurred regardless of the cover's position.

[–]98PercentChimp 5 points6 points ago

I put both down because that way my wife has to lift the lid to use the toilet. I think it's bullshit women always give guys shit for not putting the seat down so that is my response.

[–]neckbishop 7 points8 points ago

A good compromise is where nobody wins.

[–]mimine101 5 points6 points ago

You clearly don't have cats. That's the best way to find it spread all over the place.

[–]kimcheekumquat 5 points6 points ago

A toilet paper cover would also work.

[–]mrhelton 0 points1 point ago

Why the hell didn't I think about that when I had a cat???

[–]infinitum17 0 points1 point ago

OK, I have to admit, this is a legit reason to do it that way.

[–]dcowboy 2 points3 points ago

Like a cat would ever let something like that get between it and what it wants.

[–]Patsby 2 points3 points ago

to be fair guys this photo is only SUITABLE for people who have smart CATS!

[–]chineseporcelain 0 points1 point ago

TP !? I need tp for my bunghole!

[–]WarpvsWeft 2 points3 points ago

Put a metal screen over the toilet paper roll.

Put a metal plate on the floor.

Attach the screen to one side of an electrical outlet and the plate to the other.

Leave that up for a few weeks and your cat won't touch it ever again. Problem solved.

You're welcome.

[–]pooterpon 2 points3 points ago

My cat knows not to go into the bathroom and do that.

[–]django_xl 2 points3 points ago

Now I finally realize what TP means: I need TP for my bongholio...Beavis...you' re a badass

[–]RFGuy 0 points1 point ago

You, you are a genius!!!

[–]Lochcelious 2 points3 points ago

I now wonder if in the only one here that sets the roll of paper near the toilet and I just pick it up and take some.

TL;DR: I don't place toilet paper rolls on a holder.

[–]macncheez_ 0 points1 point ago

Tou-fucking-ché

[–]RaymondLuxury-Yacht 6 points7 points ago

Solution: Don't get a cat.

[–]kqvrp 1 point2 points ago

Solution: get rid of your cat and get an animal that isn't a total douche. Source: I'm a dog person.

[–]Sarge2015 3 points4 points ago

One con of having a cat.

[–]Hawkees 2 points3 points ago

Why I insist on never owning a cat.

[–]evanz 2 points3 points ago

I think you mean the right way.

[–]redditsucksundersack 5 points6 points ago

Cat people = Wrong people

[–]rarisgod 3 points4 points ago

Better solution - get rid of the cat.

[–]Zmetz6 4 points5 points ago

Why I insist on not having a cat.

[–]thegrayman 3 points4 points ago

my cats used to do that until I started putting rat traps under the rolls, problem solved

[–]guitarhero23 0 points1 point ago

[–]robot-rollcall 2 points3 points ago

Why I insist o hanging my TP in the underhand fashion: there is no wrong way. It's fucking toilet paper, it doesn't become impossible to tear if you hang it the other way. Nor does it stop cleaning feces off of your asshole.

Of all the stupid crap reddit harps on about this one annoys me the most. I get it, you all saw the same episode of Martha Stewart 15 years ago, but it's weird and creepy that you're obsessed with how people wipe their assholes.

[–]64fp 2 points3 points ago

Reason # 2578 not to have a cat