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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]therealdohr 1427 points1428 points ago

Last time I flew next to a mom, kid pooped in the diaper on take off. She tried handing me the diaper asking if I could throw it away. I got yelled at for taking my seat belt off to let her out, but told the stewardess that I wasnt touching poop in coach

[–]Watori 544 points545 points ago

You would have touched poop in business or first though, right?

[–]pride 284 points285 points ago

its on the ticket actually

[–]hunter2thompson 360 points361 points ago

Expensive shit.

[–]FishPhoenix 211 points212 points ago

Earlier this year I was on a 12 hour flight and everyone in our section was noticing a terrible smell. Turns out the lady in the seat behind us was changing her baby's diaper right there on the spot and was storing the used diapers in a plastic bag under her seat. My dad complained to a stewardess who had a very difficult time convincing this lady why what she was doing was unacceptable T_T. Stewardess's had to walk around and spray some air freshener every half an hour or so because of how strong the smell was at that point.

[–]HereHoldMyBeer 527 points528 points ago

Just open a window and get some fresh air in there.

[–]Dusted_Hoffman 101 points102 points ago

Insanity Wolf!

[–]tryharderyou 1236 points1237 points ago

Wow, that's ridiculous of the mom to even ask...

[–]therealdohr 599 points600 points ago

I was aisle, some random guy middle, and the mom was the window. Totally different to ask for a garbage bag, stewardess, or just excuse herself. I thought the guy in the middle was going to need the barf bag.

I do not have children, but I have nephews and nieces. I know how hard it can be, but damn I would not ask a stranger to hold my kids poop

[–]760177841 317 points318 points ago

She should've put it into those vomit bags. That's another one of their "official" uses.

[–]crayola_ferrari 773 points774 points ago

you're trying to say I'm allowed to shit in a vomit bag on a plane?

[–]JustCallMeBen 283 points284 points ago

Yeah, they want that to catch on so they can start charging for using the toilets.

Poop in a bag for free or pay for the toilet: at Douche airlines we give YOU the choice!

[–]kingbinji 261 points262 points ago

if an airline starts charging me to use the bathroom, they better be damn ready for me start shitting in vomit bags

[–]760177841 60 points61 points ago

If I remember correctly, I think RyanAir in Europe charges for their bathrooms. Occasionally I catch salmonella from the livestock I work with, and it's one of those things where you blow up the back of the bathroom stall before you get a chance to sit down. Lord have mercy the day airlines start charging for that and I have to fly.

[–]aWorthyCauseTaken 54 points55 points ago

They didn't actually seriously try.

Michael O'Leary, the CEO, comes out with ridiculous comments like this occasionally - the point of which is that every newspaper and radio show in Ireland is talking about, and giving his company free advertisement for the next week.

Another of his 'ideas' was to take out the back few rows and have a standing area that people wouldn't have to pay as much for.

[–]jlking3 15 points16 points ago

If they had slightly tilted walls that I could lean against, I'd consider it.

[–]Asaoirc 26 points27 points ago

I actually wouldn't mind that so long as there was floor-sitting room. Safety regs aside, it'd be nice to be able to exercise my leg muscles.

[–]prannisment 78 points79 points ago

Just try and do it without bothering anyone. Wear your pants backwards so you don't need to pull them all the way down.

[–]kittylauncher 39 points40 points ago

or a big kids onesie so you can really play the roll

[–]Blu_T 333 points334 points ago

I was sitting next to an Asian mom and her child once on a flight, and about mid-way through she hands me a baby bottle, a bottle of water, and some powdered formula and said "You make formula?"

And I did!

[–]condimentia 138 points139 points ago

I sat across the aisle from a mother with three children, including an infant with portable oxygen. The flight from was from Hawaii to Guam -- one long ass haul over water, at night, during a thunderstorm. It was rough. The kids were crying, but the baby on oxygen was fairly still and calm. Mom was not an English speaker and I was alone with a row to myself, so I held out my arms and motioned I'd hold the baby for her. Mom was so happy. She rolled the oxygen across the aisle (this was 1984 so I guess having it on board wasn't a big deal -- is it still okay? I seldom see it), and she set it up next to me, handed me the baby and I just cradled it while it slept for the duration of the flight. She was then able to play with, attend to, and keep the other kids calmer and happier. No big deal. Was better for everyone.

[–]qotsa73 24 points25 points ago

I would hold that baby. And I'm not a fan of people who expect you to care about their babies as much as they do. But I would do whatever that baby needed me to do.

[–]tryharderyou 127 points128 points ago

I think that's a lot more reasonable than asking someone to hold your baby's poo. :p

[–]MyHeadisFullofStars 99 points100 points ago

I imagined you saying "And I did!" in a really happy, enthusiastic tone. Like, you couldn't be happier to have that kid's back and make him some fake tit juice

[–]airmasszero 76 points77 points ago

Good for you. I think people over-react when asked to help out. This country is full of people with the "don't-bother-me-with-your-problems" attitude. I am friends with a mother of two young ones, and she got NO help traveling within the united states. She's living abroad in Japan at the moment, and tells me people go out of their way to assist when her husband is not with her. One incident brought her to tears at the security checkpoint, because the TSA people weren't willing to be accommodative.

I'd give you more upvotes if I could.

[–]yepperoni 9 points10 points ago

Yep. I had to fly without my husband when my son was 6 weeks old and I don't think I'd have made it to my flight on time without the help of strangers. People can be awesome.

[–]acog 91 points92 points ago

kid pooped in the diaper on take off.

That was my worst nightmare when I had to fly with my kids when they were infants. It only happened once, but changing the diaper in that tiny airplane bathroom was a friggin' nightmare.

[–]smmfdyb 31 points32 points ago

How long ago was that? I notice that most airplane bathrooms now have diaper changing shelves. While it may not be that easy, I imagine it is much easier than 10 years ago or so.

[–]mjkeith99 31 points32 points ago

Nope not easy at all. I flew with an infant in 2009 and 2012 both times the changing shelves were tiny, unsafe and just hard to use in the tiny restroom. EDIT: In 09 it was my oldest at 3 months, then in 2010 it was my oldest again at 12 months old, then in 2012 it was my youngest child at 6 months old.. I left out the 2010 flight in the original comment.

[–]_Pinkmonkey_ 96 points97 points ago

I was on a series of flights last year. Had to change a shit diaper on my seat. Screaming baby. Bitching flight attendant. Pissed passengers. It was fucking awesome. Nice lady in front of me offered to hold the baby so I could get a drink and pee. I will NEVER forget her.

[–]rayyychul 156 points157 points ago

I sat beside a woman who was flying with four kids a couple weeks ago - she had the baby and the second youngest, while her husband was in the row in front of us with the two older children. She almost cried when I told her to just wake me up if she needed to get out and I was sleeping (I was in the aisle), and that if she needed help with anything, just let me know - I had nothing to do for the next five hours ;) It breaks my heart to see people who are assholes about babies on planes, especially when they can see the parents are stressed out and making the best out of a situation that's shitty for everyone.

[–]MrReeee 79 points80 points ago

Kid, probably 10 or so, crapped his pants in the middle of a London-->DC flight.

[–]mmmm_whatchasay 194 points195 points ago

And no matter how awful that was for you, it was 300 times worse for that poor kid.

[–]qxixp 20 points21 points ago

and he will remember that for the rest of his life...

[–]chuckDontSurf 33 points34 points ago

We'll be hearing about it on reddit in about five years, a la "What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you on a plane?"

[–]305broooo 88 points89 points ago

Thats shitty.

[–]Emleaux 213 points214 points ago

Wasn't Touching Poop In Coach the name of Nickelback's 3rd album?

[–]knowsguy 165 points166 points ago

♪♫ Lookit this load-a-crap! ♪

[–]Cannedbeans 31 points32 points ago

Holy shit, I actually heard that proper in my head. Bravo.

[–]y0y 44 points45 points ago

Wait. So she changed the kid right beside you? Like.. at her seat?

[–]4amchocolatepudding 1200 points1201 points ago

They type really well for 14 weeks old.

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 1154 points1155 points ago

[–]Badobservations 134 points135 points ago

Now all we need is a watercolor of the silverback gorilla comment, please!!:-)

[–]Damaband41 391 points392 points ago

I have to wonder why the parents didn't just put the earplugs in the candy baggies from the start. It would make it less awkward when a passenger needed some.

[–]happyelfy 468 points469 points ago

they probably didn't have enough for everyone and assumed a lot would have headphones

[–]Damaband41 605 points606 points ago

Well if they didn't have enough for everyone they shouldn't have given them out to anyone.

-Your mom

[–]xdeviousx 140 points141 points ago

-your teacher

[–]havestronaut 404 points405 points ago

I am so fat that I am literally the moon.

  • Your Mom

[–]CarTarget 20 points21 points ago

I for one would think it pretty cool if my mother were the moon.

[–]havestronaut 45 points46 points ago

Until she hits your eye like a big pizza pie.

[–]JewBoySandler 167 points168 points ago

Maybe the parents were just lonely and wanted friends. Did you ever think about that?

[–]wordprodigy 144 points145 points ago

or maybe they didn't have enough for the entire plane. Earplugs can be expenisive you know.

[–]JordanBelcher 200 points201 points ago

expenisive

That's a pretty hilarious spelling mistake.

[–]monkeychipsx2 83 points84 points ago

Talk about a Freudian penis.

[–]Jayduhb 28 points29 points ago

Wholesale little pieces of foam are cheap..

[–]disposablechild 33 points34 points ago

I bought 1000 for 4 dollars.

[–]AssignUntoMe 14 points15 points ago

I'm guessing the expense.

[–]Shinyblueghost 2170 points2171 points ago

Haha awesome.. I love when people are overly considerate. It makes me tolerant of any behavior. If a car cuts me off, but the driver waves an apology or makes an ashamed face, I am instantly forgiving and even fond of the person

[–]KoreanTerran 790 points791 points ago

When I was in junior high, I specifically remember some of the college kid neighbors giving us a shit ton of homemade cookies since they were having a party that night and didn't want to disturb us.

Good people make me want to be good people.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 492 points493 points ago

I make sure that all of my neighbors have my phone number so that they call me before they call the cops.

[–]borkborkbork99 417 points418 points ago

I do the same thing. Basically only had one noise complaint in the 7 years I've lived in my place, and I showered those neighbors with doggy treats for their dog, implored them to text me anytime it gets loud, and apologized profusely that one time it occurred.

They invited me to their wedding last month. Back on their good side. :-)

[–]ViscountShiningWit 247 points248 points ago

Evidently they know you know how to party and don't want their wedding reception to be as lame as most wedding receptions.

[–]ryansoper 77 points78 points ago

Psssh, Last wedding reception I went to I crashed a golf cart.

[–]paulbonerville 239 points240 points ago

We always invited the neighbors, knowing they wouldn't show up, but knowing they would feel like dicks if they called the cops

[–]-thebobloblawlawblog 77 points78 points ago

My neighbor came over and invited my 84-year old grandma to his 21st birthday party at his house.

[–]paulbonerville 50 points51 points ago

Did she go? I know a couple times my neighbors called my bluff and actually came over.

[–]thefizzingwhizzbee 16 points17 points ago

Haha, I would totally go if a neighbor invited me. But I would expect that my neighbors may come if I invited them.

Is this a common bluff? Nobody really wants the other to show?

[–]paulbonerville 41 points42 points ago

I was 20 years old, throwing raves with nitrous tanks and k, loud speakers, DJ's and naked girls running around. My neighbors were all older and married. I think the husbands wanted to go but their wives wouldn't let them.

[–]youngchul 19 points20 points ago

Hell, if I was 50 and you was throwing a party like that, I'd want to go too!

[–]pU8O5E439Mruz47w 165 points166 points ago

they were having a party that night and didn't want to disturb us.

Were the homemade cookies perhaps full of sleeping pills? That would have been brilliant.

[–]Alex7302 79 points80 points ago

I'm so sorry mrs. Johnson. It appears that your husband has fallen asleep when he hit the 18 wheeler. Are those macadamia!?

[–]might_say_fuck_you 68 points69 points ago

Scumbag neighbors. Give you cookies, keep the brownies for themselves...

[–]sanyasi 760 points761 points ago

One time I was driving on a highway, and we were approaching a bunch of backed up tollbooths. The design of the tollbooth was such that there was a "stop here" sign a couple car lengths in front of the tollbooth.

Anyway, we're idling, in a queue about 4 cars long, obviously peeved at the surprising length despite there being about 10+ lanes all backed up as well. This douchebag in a red car roars in from behind and cuts all four queued cars and gets into the tollbooth.

Now I'm not British, but 100+ years of British colonial oppression has given me a sufficient amount of anger at queue-jumpers. We're all raging, and we finally make it to the booth, steam coming out of our ears.

The toll booth operator leans out and informs us: "the gentleman in the red car apologizes and says it was really urgent. He also paid the $12 toll for the next five cars so you're good to go."

INSTANT FORGIVENESS.

Guy forked out about 60 bucks for a really expensive toll. Lesson learned in classiness: If you're ever truly in a hurry and have to cut people off, that's about the best way to do it.

[–]nursecakes 276 points277 points ago

Whoa, where is there a $12 toll?!

[–]4RTKBA 243 points244 points ago

I've paid $50 tolls in Japan. I'll never complain about U.S. tolls again!

[–]Vik1ng 316 points317 points ago

O_O For what was that? Space elevator?

[–]sireatalot 92 points93 points ago

The toll for the bridge between Denmark and Sweden is 42 euros, which is more than 50USD.

[–]DeCoburgeois 11 points12 points ago

Also the same price for a beer.

[–]StarInkyness 100 points101 points ago

I suppose it discourages people from driving, taking the train is not only better for the environment but much more economical.

[–]dalegribbledeadbug 55 points56 points ago

Entrance to the square watermelon store.

[–]umfk 12 points13 points ago

Teleports between major Japanese cities are usually about $50.

[–]hotstack 8 points9 points ago

All highways in Japan cost money. For example, if you drive from Tokyo to Osaka using the highways, toll will be close to $120 USD (10,000 yen) each way. Like others have said, is discourages driving unless absolutely necessary.

Just to put up the counterpoint, to take the bullet train from Tokyo to Osaka, it will cost you $170/person/each way, so driving (including gas, tolls, parking, etc) can be the "economical" choice if you have more than one person going.

[edit] updated the train cost... kind of ridiculous... 13,850yen and 2.5 hours for a Nozomi super express... slightly cheaper if you take a normal super express, but not much.

[–]missirish9 75 points76 points ago

New York. Home of the $12 and $13 tolls.

[–]throwaway120729 17 points18 points ago

sure, pay to get INTO NYC, it's free to leave.

(seriously)

[–]merklitl 33 points34 points ago

I prefer to think of it as paying to GTFO of Jersey

[–]corinmcblide 82 points83 points ago

the holland tunnel

[–]sheerheartattack 98 points99 points ago

E-ZPass. The discount is nice, and so is the speed - but nothing beats the peace of mind derived from the ignorance of how much money you're losing each and every time you get in your vehicle.

[–]condimentia 21 points22 points ago

I'm really glad the toll booth operator was honest enough to tell you because that would have been easy to hide, I imagine.

Several years ago I was driving and approaching a toll bridge outside of San Francisco when I completely had a brain fart and realized as I approached I'd forgotten to get cash. TOO LATE. I was slowing down and scrambling like mad to find loose change and one dollar bills to make up a $4.00 toll -- I literally had next to no cash. My windows were down and I was exclaiming 'shit! shit! shit!' over and over again, going through my purse and wallet and looking up to inch forward to the tolls.

In the lane next to me was a really souped up, low riding high gloss "pimped my ride" black car with two very low-riding (meaning down low in their seats, barely at window level) young men who were basically identical in appearance to Snoop Dog. Braids, dark shades (at night), bumping stereo. Real bad ass looking characters.

They looked at me and just shook their heads at me in disgust -- back and forth -- like 'you fucking idiot'. Then they cut in front of me. I'm sure I muttered "assholes" but at the same time, it gave me more time to look for more change which I was trying to count by the overhead light.

Didn't matter, I just couldn't come up with $4.00 and I knew I was about to get a ticket. I'd get through the toll all right, but I'd get an expensive traffic ticket in the mail. Except, when I got up to the window and started my tale of woe, the toll collector was laughing and said 'those two guys up there? They just paid your toll, but said it was only on the condition that I said "dumbass" to you. So...DUMBASS." I laughed and said "Oh Thank God!"

I drove fast to them and caught up to wave and say thank you but they wouldn't even acknowledge my existence and slowly rolled up their darkened windows to ignore my dumbass without ever looking my way.

Thank you, guys, whoever you are and wherever you are. -- Love, dumbass

[–]TheLastModerate 252 points253 points ago

That reminds me of this time my brakes were failing and I pulled out in front of a car because I didn't stop in time. He stopped and I started to go. We were on a long office building parking lot and he pulls along side me. I signal him to roll down his window and say, "Man I am so so sorry. My brakes started acting up this morning. I didn't mean to scare you or freak you out with that bad move back there."

He immediately went from mad looking to cool about it. Thank God too because it turned out he was the new senior counsel at the firm I was working for...

edit: corrected spelling to appease the smartasses

[–]masters_in_fail 53 points54 points ago

These are the brakes!

Edit for context in response to edit above: I'm the smartass, post above me misspelled brakes as breaks originally.

[–]Baby_Animals 257 points258 points ago

My thinking is, the kids have to travel too (it isn't like a movie theater where it is just for recreation), and as long as the parents are doing their best I really don't mind. The only time I've ever flown there was a toddler behind me, and when the plane was landing he didn't want to put on his seat belt, and started screaming about it and kicking my seat. I could hear his embarrassed parents shushing him and trying to get his seat belt on, and I wasn't angry because I knew that they were doing their best. I just can't stand when people bring their kids into public and ignore them while they go wild and cause trouble, other than that I try to have some sympathy, because I'm sure they are pretty embarrassed.

[–]DaniVendetta 97 points98 points ago

My one and only flight was 5-hours to Hawaii. In front of me were two toddlers, twins, and their parents. My bf started groaning about being stuck behind babies but they were actually very well-behaved through the whole flight. They fussed a little when we were ascending/descending, but I couldn't blame them because I hated it too.

When we were in the air they started getting a little bored and restless, so I started playing peek-a-boo and engaging them in looking at different things. Their parents were doing their best to keep them in line so I was patient and helped out since my bf was asleep anyway. All the people around us were very nice since we were trying to keep them entertained and not just ignoring them. Not a bad flight.

[–]maggiefiasco 63 points64 points ago

I've been on a lot of flights and it reminds me that babies are people too. Just like certain people are noisy and loud, or fussy in general, so too are certain babies. But that doesn't mean EVERY baby is. I've also been seated next to mothers with babies who are super quiet and mostly asleep the whole time, or just sort of quietly fascinated looking around them the entire time.

Takes all different kinds of folks!

[–]flipapeno 7 points8 points ago

I'm plenty forgiving of very young children on planes. They generally don't know any better. Adults, on the other hand...

[–]octobertwins 16 points17 points ago

You just made me cry. I think Im PMS'ing. Either way, the way you speak of the experience is so kind and understanding.

I will fly ALONE with twin (almost) 2-year olds at the end of this month. This is my first time doing it alone.

And just a note to all the passengers around us: I truly am sorry for any disturbance we cause you. I hope you notice me doing my best. Please dont remark if things go badly. If you want to say something to me, try, "Can I give you a hand?"

The best feeling in the world is someone intervening in that moment that you feel like your nerves are going to combust.

Anyway, you made my day. You are a nice person. I like you.

[–]red321red321 1720 points1721 points ago

absolutely! if i get gangraped by a gaggle of silverback apes it's totally cool so long as they all wear rubbers!

[–]Sure_Ill_Draw_That 1989 points1990 points ago

[–]JaiantPanda 298 points299 points ago

The blush is a nice touch.

[–]qxw 35 points36 points ago

I liked the pointy nipples

[–]Jukepot 8 points9 points ago

Cuter than it should be.

[–]OneoftheChosen 75 points76 points ago

whoa long time no see buddy!

[–]red321red321 392 points393 points ago

i am so honored that you drew my comment it just made my day. absolutely hysterical. thank you.

[–]Kingmudsy 12 points13 points ago

Too bad you can't use it as a desktop backround in public...or do anything with it. Ever.

[–]jake_n_bake 509 points510 points ago

Let's leave Mr. Watercolour and Draws_Your_Comment out of this thread today, shall we?

[–]Tlepolemus 129 points130 points ago

Ehem He said, I SURE HOPE NO NOVELTY ACCOUNT ILLUSTRATES THIS.

._.

[–]MrSexysPizza 524 points525 points ago

Shitty_Watercolour Shitty_Watercolour Shitty_Watercolour

And now we wait..

Edit: JESUS BLUE FUCK! IT WORKED!

Shitty_Watercolour's response

Sure_Ill_Draw_That's response

[–]Sure_Ill_Draw_That 1060 points1061 points ago

[–]pseudolobster 110 points111 points ago

You've got a lot of catching up to do. Your position has been usurped.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 55 points56 points ago

Long live the king.

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 774 points775 points ago

[–]wolfhammer93 60 points61 points ago

What is supposed to be on their heads?

[–]ruddelsticks 183 points184 points ago

"Rubbers", aka erasers.

[–]wolfhammer93 22 points23 points ago

Ahhh. Rubbers here are just plain white.

[–]Cullly 38 points39 points ago

In the UK and Ireland we have always called them a Rubber in School. The internet changed that, so in the past 12 or so years, we kinda stopped saying it, or at least we realise it's 'rude'.

I assume Shitty_Watercolour is from the UK or close because of the spelling of 'colour'.

Anyway, one of the more common erasers we had when I was younger at least was a 2 colour one. Here is a picture of a similar one. The darker side is supposed to be able to erase pen marks, but really it just sandpapers and shreds your page. These look similar to the ones on the Gorilla's heads in the watercolour.

[–]wolfhammer93 18 points19 points ago

Why thank you for your concise and apt description. I'm Australian and here we still call them rubbers. Whilst we have those 2 coloured rubbers most people just use the plain white ones.

[–]red321red321 222 points223 points ago

oh man this is easily my favorite ever day i've had on reddit. i've almost reaped 4K karma, i've established rosy diplomatic relations with reddit's brony commmunity and to top it all off i've had my comment illustrated by Sure_Ill_Draw_That and Shitty_Watercolour in one thread...awesome.

[–]Boolderdash 74 points75 points ago

It isn't hard to establish rosy diplomatic relations with Reddit's brony community.

[–]TI-994A 19 points20 points ago

"Hey, you guys wanna be friends?"

"Sure!"

BRONIES ACCEPT OFFER OF FRIENDSHIP IN LANDMARK DIPLOMATIC AGREEMENT

[–]crayola_ferrari 235 points236 points ago

you remembered to sacrifice a virgin right?

[–]lumberingJack 223 points224 points ago

I was going to make a joke along the lines of "A virgin? Round here?" but then I remembered: Reddit.

[–]JewBoySandler 138 points139 points ago

Haha. Ha. Heh. Yeah. :(

[–]RiceIsBliss 72 points73 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Harry_Tuttle 39 points40 points ago

Virgins...as far as the eye can see.

[–]The_Doctor_00 51 points52 points ago

TIL Shitty_Watercolour is Beetlejuice.

[–]this_is_not_art 42 points43 points ago

Gotta spin around 5 times, flush the toilet, close your eyes for 10 seconds and look in the mirror.

[–]Azumikkel 35 points36 points ago

and look in the mirror

Shitty_Watercolour is Karmanaut.

Karmanaut is you.

[–]readforit 52 points53 points ago

it would be even more considerate if they used ribbed rubbers (for your pleasure)!

Edit: fucking auto correct!

[–]waytogokip 78 points79 points ago

Ribbed. You mean ribbed.

If the condom is ripped, and you are in a gang of rape-prone gorillas, do not wear it.

[–]fakestamaever 20 points21 points ago

They have very small penises. You'd barely even notice the gangrape.

[–]TheAmazingAsshole 28 points29 points ago

Nice try, Johnny Drama.

[–]CrazyCalYa 70 points71 points ago

Alternatively there are the people that because they do good things to you, they expect you to tolerate any shit they put you through.

[–]InstantAnythingcom 8 points9 points ago

I'm like this too before I run them off the road.

[–]anthrocide 7 points8 points ago

stupid face Sorry!

[–]flounder19 390 points391 points ago

Extra props for somehow finding the space in their carry-ons to fit all of this with whatever materials you may need to console twin infants on a plane ride.

[–]IT_Derp 143 points144 points ago

Im guessing they didn't give it to EVERYONE on the plane, just a few rows around them.

[–]pU8O5E439Mruz47w 114 points115 points ago

Or perhaps, small plane.

[–]TheZeitgeist 199 points200 points ago

Can't be that small if there's a seat 20F.

[–]ramen_feet 127 points128 points ago

Maybe that's the last row. It's a very short, stout looking plane.

[–]Tfapetrop 95 points96 points ago

Within the first hour of a flight to China, the little toddler sitting next to me pooped on the seat. Yes, that's right-- no diaper. There was a slit in the back of his pants in order to squat and poo, and he just let it all come out onto the seat. The bathroom sink on that flight was also pooped in. Just a joyful 14 + hours.

[–]irregodless 30 points31 points ago

Is...is that a thing there? Baby Poo-slits? If they poo in the crib, do they just roll in it?

[–]lepasse 18 points19 points ago

Yeah, it's definitely a thing. They use a technique called Elimination Communication

[–]devia_anima 434 points435 points ago

makes me want to have parents.

[–]T-Luv 534 points535 points ago

Batman?

[–]stonepickaxe 103 points104 points ago

:c

[–]Lowbacca1977 151 points152 points ago

I would like to be the first person on a plane right now to approve of this.

  • 37000 ft over Arizona

[–]BubbaWoop 24 points25 points ago

You get wifi?

[–]Lowbacca1977 38 points39 points ago

Honestly, I'm as surprised as you are. I got on a Southwest plane with a wifi logo on the door. Turns out, for $5, I can get wifi for the flight. So yup.

[–]BubbaWoop 52 points53 points ago

They didn't even serve ginger ale on my last flight

[–]ocdad[!] 299 points300 points ago

Flew with mine for the first time last year, bought the neighboring passengers a round.

[–]VernonLittle 132 points133 points ago

Sounds pricey.

[–]trytheblumpkin 277 points278 points ago

So are babies.

[–]lucasvb 71 points72 points ago

So are babies traveling by plane, apparently.

[–]Reesch 20 points21 points ago

What are they, $20 a pop now? They never fill me up, I always have to eat something else too :(

[–]feralcatromance 36 points37 points ago

Whenever I had to fly with my daughter when she was a baby, (which was like 3 times in her first year) I just used a little infant tylenol and she would sleep the whole flight. Am I a terrible parent?

[–]Frankeh 13 points14 points ago

I'd do that too if the doc said it was ok.

[–]forgotten_legacy 312 points313 points ago

This is way awesome. I wonder what the flight attendants thought of them handing out candy to everyone, haha.

[–]chudapati09 485 points486 points ago

I wonder what the TSA thought of this, while they were going through security?

[–]futur1 468 points469 points ago

IMMA NEED TO CHECK YO BUTTHOLE

[–]this_man_loves_trees 196 points197 points ago

This was my first thought as well. I would assume that candy would be thought of as a threat, seeing as everything else is.

[–]bamb00zled 427 points428 points ago

"They have candy. Sexual predators are known to have candy. Sexual predators and terrorists are both bad. They are terrorists. Detain them."

[–]BrohoofStalin 193 points194 points ago

The math checks out.

[–]JewBoySandler 112 points113 points ago

Person here, I can confirm this maths.

[–]protect_ya_neck 69 points70 points ago

I'm going to need some confirmation that you're actually a person.

[–]JewBoySandler 45 points46 points ago

Damn it:/

[–]CaptnAwesomeGuy 44 points45 points ago

"But first, search their assholes."

[–]daybreaker 70 points71 points ago

Its ok, the candy isnt liquid. And as we all know, only liquids in large quantities can be dangerous. Plus, it's in a quart-sized ziplock baggie, which as we all know, serves as a decent blast guard from any potential bombs, which is why you have to put liquids in them in the first place.

[–]itsmoist 104 points105 points ago

Flight attendant here. I would have loved that, it just makes my job that much easier. And who cares if they even poisoned the candy, it would still make my job easier. Less conscious passengers, the better.

[–]maui7000 71 points72 points ago

I flew on a flight last year and there was a young child, maybe 2 or 3, sitting behind me. The whole fight the parent of the child sang songs, read, colored, and basically kept the child very busy. After we landed the man who was sitting in my row turned around to the parent and said.

"Madam, I have to say that you have an incredible child. It was such a relief to have her be as good as she was on this long flight. But, I must say that YOU about drove me nuts!"

Everyone within hearing range busted out laughing, even the parent of the child.

[–]hduk 92 points93 points ago

this would terrify us at /r/britishproblems

[–]Hazza32 181 points182 points ago

"Some bloke and his missus handed me sweets and now I'm going to feel guilty about hating their kids for the next 7 hours."

[–]ViscountShiningWit 72 points73 points ago

"They didn't even make us queue to get the sweets..."

[–]MaritMonkey 230 points231 points ago

My parents (a pilot and a flight attendant) got in the habit of buying drinks for people. I was a relatively well-behaved child, but I was fascinated by the sound of my own screaming when my ears were all plugged up, and neither my random monkey-shrieks or the resulting giggles were amusing to anybody else for very long.

EDIT to add pic discussed in comments: What I have now been informed was an "ozone helmet."

[–]donthateaddai2 241 points242 points ago

I understand that you were just a baby, but I still hate you...

[–]MaritMonkey 64 points65 points ago

If it makes you feel any better, their solution if my dad was flying was to let the co-pilot sit in first class for a while and lock me in the cockpit with my dad (who would use awesome tinfoil "helmets" and a knock-cup-into-trash-can game that somehow involved the auto pilot to distract me from making noises).

EDIT: Trying to get my father to scan a pic of his "helmet" but he is not good at computer. We'll see how it goes.

[–]might_say_fuck_you 43 points44 points ago

How do you remember that?

[–]Letmekilluplz 65 points66 points ago

I'm going to bet someone else told him the story.

[–]MaritMonkey 82 points83 points ago

My folks told it every time we got on a plane. And with my dad's family on the west coast and my mom's up north (we lived in Florida) that was a LOT of flights, and a lot of me doing the "haha yeah this is a totally amusing story that I have never heard before!" smile.

EDIT: Another "every time we fly" story is: one time Jacques Cousteau was on the plane and thought my screaming was actually cute and ended up sitting next to me the whole flight.

[–]beergoggles69 53 points54 points ago

"Stewardess, there's a creepy French guy hanging around our son."

[–]MaritMonkey 23 points24 points ago

Daughter, and my mom was the stew (wow that looks funny when you type it ...) and recognized him immediately. =D

[–]StarVixen 95 points96 points ago

When I flew to Vegas two weeks ago (a 4 hour flight), there was a baby about 9 months old and he was adorable and probably only got fussy about 3 minutes out of the whole flight. I felt bad at first cause you could see the disdain on the peoples face who were sitting near (and I"m sure she noticed too), but by the end everyone was vying for the little dudes attention because he was so damn bubbly and happy.

[–]heirofslytherin 41 points42 points ago

Last time I flew to Hawaii, I had a seat next to a lady from Guam and her four month old son. As soon as they sat down, my heart fell out of my butt at the prospect of having to sit next to a screaming baby for 9 whole hours, but the kid didn't make a sound the entire flight. The lady even asked if I'd hold him while she went to the bathroom, and I obliged, in spite of being terrified of infants. When she got back, she shared about a whole pound of fresh mango with me. Everything far exceeded expectations.

[–]nikkiekittie 82 points83 points ago

Apparently when my brother was first born my mom was flying by herself with him. She had a middle seat in-between two business men who both looked disgusted being sat next to a baby.

A heavier man saw my mom and offered up both his seats (I did say heavier) to my mom. She tried declining, knowing that my brother was a happy baby and probably wouldn't cry. The man insisted, so the two business men ended up sitting next to an over weight man when my mom got two seats. My brother never cried once.

The guys might have been better off with the baby in between them

[–]Throwawaygirl420 112 points113 points ago

I was just flying a few days ago and was telling my dad about a toddler behind us that was screaming. He said that when you fly with a toddler you have to yawn in front of them to get them to yawn, thus popping their ears. Wish I would have know it on the flight. Poor baby was flying from Jordan.

[–]pooq45 9 points10 points ago

Chewing gum, yawning, popping your ears if you can do it gently (plug your nose and blow very lightly until you feel the pressure equalize), earplanes, and drinking water through a straw! Or if its really painful and you fly a lot you can get tubes put in your ears OR if you're just going to be flying and coming back in a week or so get a myringotomy basically a small hole is made in your eardrum and heals after you fly back. It's not really a good idea to get this done frequently because it can cause damage to the eardrum but less compared to the damage a ruptured eardrum can cause. I've had tubes all my life and I cannot fly without them. Had (still get them sometimes) repeat ear infections when I was a kid and they've gotten better but I haven't outgrown them. Now I fly without any pain, literally no pain. I almost starting crying from joy the first time I flew with tubes.

[–]LaserBison 43 points44 points ago

And that, son, is the story of how your mother and I gave LSD to an airplane full of people ;)

[–]NewMattress 38 points39 points ago

On a recent flight there were several fussy (but not loud) toddlers, but I got sat next to two snooty suits loudly complaining about the noise. All they talked about for two hours was how much they hated it and that they were going to demand to be moved if it carried on.

I tuned it out until one of them spied a mother carrying a (sleeping) baby back from the toilet, waited until she was right by him and said "These parents ought to be ASHAMED by their DISGUSTING brats". The poor woman was so embarrassed that she just froze for a second then literally ran down the aisle.

I made it my business to chat to the two year old in front of us after that. Assholes.

[–]r2002 12 points13 points ago

I like having babies on my flight. I figure just in case god exists, he's probably less likely to take down a flight with babies on board.

[–]manasshole 10 points11 points ago

My sister had my nine month old nephew on our flight to Maui, which was five hours. On the way there he was happy and didn't make a peep, and my sister was so relieved because she was terrified of taking him for fear of being "that mom". On the flight home however, he screamed the entire flight, and she basically paced the aisles the entire time. Anyway, next to them was an old man, and my sister spent the whole flight apologizing and on the verge of tears. At the end of the flight, he turned to her an said "don't worry about it sweetie, one look at his sweet face made it all worth it". I think he was the nicest man ever.

[–]mlw72z 36 points37 points ago

We are all sitting in 20E and 20F

Wow. That's got to be rough with twins, especially that age.

We always bought a seat for our kids except for one transatlantic flight on British Airways where we accidentally didn't get the extra seat when booking online as it said something like "how many children 2 and under". If you check that they assume you don't want to buy the ticket. Fortunately it worked out better than expected as they have these nifty bulkhead seat options for infants. Parents get extra legroom and don't have to pay for an extra ticket.

[–]TheImpetuous 124 points125 points ago

You can store a baby safely in the overhead compartment.

[–]DrNecessiter 32 points33 points ago

Or under the seat in front of you during take-off and landing.

[–]kittylauncher 41 points42 points ago

or use my preferred method of dressing them up as dogs and putting them in the kennels down below.

[–]KatyCowbelter 27 points28 points ago

The poor SOB in 20D ...

[–]4n0nym 736 points737 points ago

This is considerate, but aren't we all adults who can understand that babies are prone to bouts of crying?

[–]BubbaWoop 158 points159 points ago

'CANDY OR THE BABY ISN'T ALLOWED ON THE PLANE'

Reddit yo

[–]constipated_HELP 9 points10 points ago

My experience on reddit is that the majority opinion is if your toddler acts up, you're a bad parent.

My parents were amazing, but by the luck of the draw I was a nightmare 2 year old while my sister was a saint. I've yelled at people for being assholes to parents on planes because I shudder to think what my dad went through for me.

[–]aeiah 46 points47 points ago

What bullshit. There is no way a 14 week old baby could type that up.