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WTF

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top 200 commentsshow all 393

[–]trspanache 364 points365 points ago

When you get bit, sympathy I have none

[–]NyankoLand 92 points93 points ago

Haha wow, I made this edit for someone on ohnotheydidnt a while ago, so glad to see it out and about getting used. :D

[–]nurani 15 points16 points ago

oh man, I haven't been near ontd in ages.

[–]JGodfree 4 points5 points ago

I have seen it used an estimated seven times whilst on the internet, well done sire.

[–]SlightlyAmbiguous 9 points10 points ago

Am I the only one who has seen this exact image posted on Reddit before and doesn't think it's actually the OP's...?

[–]chocolate_homunculus 25 points26 points ago

Every post is a repost, every repost is a repost of a repost.

[–]might_say_fuck_you 17 points18 points ago

At the third level of repost it becomes original content again.

[–]chocolate_homunculus 11 points12 points ago

I thought it dropped into limbo?

[–]Synchrotr0n 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, it's a repost.

[–]fingawkward 3 points4 points ago

"There is nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 1:9" - fingawkward

[–]Hatlessllama 0 points1 point ago

THANK YOU. IVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THAT FOR SO LONG.

[–]FourCounters 2 points3 points ago

That is a snack for Spiderman

[–]Shunto 4 points5 points ago

At least they're the easiest spiders for first aid:

Just an ice pack on the bite. Nothing else. Call ambulance. Done. Can now laugh at OP.

[–]might_say_fuck_you 2 points3 points ago

Thanks, Yoda.

[–]geareddev -5 points-4 points ago

I clicked on this thread, and almost threw my laptop across the fucking room.

I kind of want him to get bit for that....

[–]ss_tarquin 2 points3 points ago

Almost?

[–]Jeroknite 18 points19 points ago

It's deeply ingrained in our minds to not throw electronics.

[–]RaveRaptor 1 point2 points ago

So you want him bit on the finger? Just the tip?

[–]someredditorguy 2 points3 points ago

By "almost" he means that he saw a picture of a spider on reddit, thought it was kind of gross, then decided to make a witty comment.

[–]himynameiserica 0 points1 point ago

Thank you!!!! One day I was laying out in my back yard, and a one of these fuckers decides to crawl across my boob. I did not scream. I slowly moved my hand up and flicked the shit out of that thing... I have no idea where it's whereabouts are now.

[–]fuckgrammarnazis 115 points116 points ago

why the fuck would you hold that!

[–]suspiciousdg[S] 49 points50 points ago

i smell a picard

[–]PoochtowN 75 points76 points ago

I smell death!

[–]Madipher 38 points39 points ago

I smell weed.

[–]the_cantalope 61 points62 points ago

I am going to need you to step out of the vehicle.

[–]Reesch 52 points53 points ago

Is there an officer, problem?

[–]the_cantalope 25 points26 points ago

Have you been drinking?

[–]ishkabibbel2000 42 points43 points ago

Nope, not a drop of blood in my alcohol system at all!

[–]duckmysick478 12 points13 points ago

but conb... consbit...sir... I'm not as think you are drunk I am, I swear to dog.

[–]AkimboSavior71 15 points16 points ago

I swear to drunk I'm not God

[–]DinaDinaDinaBatman 5 points6 points ago

in new zealand we pronounce it "cunt-stable"

[–]GoatSeas 7 points8 points ago

I haven't had a cunt all night, drinkstable...

[–]joelkemu 2 points3 points ago

As a New Zealander I can confirm this. The few officers I've pulled this on have had a good chuckle.

[–]SweetLobsterBabies 2 points3 points ago

psst! PSSST!!! Dog help me out of this man!!

[–]HMS_Pathicus 0 points1 point ago

I'm sorry, officer, is there a certain age you're supposed to be? 'Cause nobody told me...

[–]revshab 9 points10 points ago

Not so funny meow, is it?

[–]DoctorFrew 0 points1 point ago

Oh you have cat to be kitten me right meow!

[–]thnku4shrng 2 points3 points ago

But, sir! It's going to be legal any day now!

[–]BlazedSheep 2 points3 points ago

My bad bro... I thought the febreze would cover it up.

[–]justforyouup 4 points5 points ago

sometimes these comments make me wonder how is it possible to get sooooooo off-topic, but i have to admit its fun to read

[–]unrectifiable 3 points4 points ago

A black widow spider bite won't kill you - unless you are an infant child or an old ill person. Sure it will hurt, and you can even experience a severe allergic reaction if you are unfortunate. Their reputation far exceeds their actual ability to do damage.

[–]mrmaveric 2 points3 points ago

We can't hear you unless you're holding the talking stick!

[–]IgnosticZealot 1 point2 points ago

Not now veigar...

[–]sapheriel 0 points1 point ago

i smell bread

[–]pitchblack2035 0 points1 point ago

I smell what the Rock is cooking.

[–]TerryArchi 0 points1 point ago

The important thing is that he never let's go now.

[–]Scout776 88 points89 points ago

Eat it, I dare you

[–]Sageas 129 points130 points ago

Yeah, don't be such a pussy OP

[–]ArgonGryphon 13 points14 points ago

As long as you crunch it fast, it won't hurt you. They're venomous, not poisonous. I mean...maybe if you ate a lot and you had an ulcer it wouldn't be too nice. But one? Nah, no big deal.

[–]GTCharged 22 points23 points ago

The fangs are still active after death, the muscle/tendon controlling them will be moving and pumping venom as the body spasms.

[–]ArgonGryphon 5 points6 points ago

yes, so you smash its entire body in one bite, or at least the cephalothorax.

[–]Alex011 48 points49 points ago

Just punch it in the neck.

[–]joelkemu 15 points16 points ago

For someone who knows what a cephalothorax is I'd expect you to have better advice. Saying that though, he should totally try it.

[–]ArgonGryphon 3 points4 points ago

Well, it's advice for doing a stupid thing with slightly more safety, so it can't really be called good advice.

[–]Trobot087 0 points1 point ago

Well just swallow it whole, then!

[–]Unbr0kenn 4 points5 points ago

Bear Grylls?

[–]filosuhfee 8 points9 points ago

[–]Unbr0kenn 5 points6 points ago

Words cannot describe...

[–]Br3nn4n 2 points3 points ago

*Sips Coors Light*

[–]Abner_Snopes 6 points7 points ago

Ew, even worse than mouse smoothies.

[–]guyver_dio 2 points3 points ago

It's venomous, not necessarily poisonous.

[–]TacticalGlueStick 32 points33 points ago

Looks like a Red Back... What The Fuck Are You Doing?!

[–]Kbear52 23 points24 points ago

Close mate, it's their cousin the black widow Same coulouration tho the red back doesn't have the hourglass shape

[–]Dyzfunctionz 0 points1 point ago

Only a small percentage of people die from widow bites. You can however get fucked up badly.

[–]Oh_Tricky_Dick 49 points50 points ago

Not sure why you guys are freaking out about OP holding a dead spider. Black widows are wicked fast when attacked and you would have to be a zen master to grab one without crushing it like that.

[–]Lowbacca1977 94 points95 points ago

There is no amount of dead at which point I will hold a black widow.

[–]oddurs 53 points54 points ago

I would not hold a picture of a black widow

[–]xilban 19 points20 points ago

If you saw this from your cell phone then...

[–]BitchesLove 12 points13 points ago

Oh Fuck! ' throws phone '

[–]CyanogenHacker -1 points0 points ago

Hey man, its cool. I have insurance...

[–]Major_Colvin 8 points9 points ago

Black widows (most likely) won't kill you if you're a healthy adult. But it wouldn't by any means be pleasant.

[–]AllRushMixtape 16 points17 points ago

Somebody taking a baseball bat to the knee of a healthy adult most likely wouldn't be fatal either, but I don't think people will be lining up for it.

[–]MacMonkey 3 points4 points ago

My friend was bitten on the neck by a black widow while cleaning out a garage (I witnessed it). He ended up getting a bad headache, but that was about it.

[–]ImDotTK 3 points4 points ago

There is no amount of dead at which point I would hold a spider. EVER!

[–]juma606 3 points4 points ago

I would only hold a black widow at witch point.

[–]steve626 3 points4 points ago

They aren't that fast, especially in daylight. I kill them in my back yard all of the time. (I have 2 young kids and they hide under tables and toys, so I have to have a low tolerance for them.)

[–]jake314159 4 points5 points ago

Where do you live? I want to ensure I never go there ever.

[–]steve626 0 points1 point ago

New Mexico. Lucky for us we have arachnids that eat spiders and aren't spiders or scorpions.

[–]LunchBawcks 65 points66 points ago

[–]ishkabibbel2000 21 points22 points ago

When used appropriately, gets me every time.

[–]accidentpronehiker 88 points89 points ago

You. Are. Retarded.

[–]notsovirginlemonade 39 points40 points ago

I read this like the We are Farmers jingle.

you we are farmers retarded bum ba dum bum bum bum bum

[–]SweetLobsterBabies 3 points4 points ago

[–]notsovirginlemonade 0 points1 point ago

Thank you.

[–]Samuriguy 7 points8 points ago

you should have submitted this to /r/Aww

[–]kccricket 7 points8 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
NOPE NOPE NOPE D: 221coms 527pts 9mos WTF
Just found this. Some bastard painted her... 97coms 72pts 10mos pics
SHOCKING Arachnid abuse caught on camera. Sick internet abuse-ring Reddit upvotes to the stratosphere. 0coms 10pts 5mos KarmaConspiracy
Hard Core. 35coms 72pts 5mos pics

source: karmadecay

[–]Trippytaco 6 points7 points ago

ARE YOU CRAZY?? THAT THING IS FUCKING ADORABLE

[–]anikas88 24 points25 points ago

spread its legs and suck the poison out, cure it from its own aids. It will become your best friend

[–]twisted_by_design 11 points12 points ago

Say what?

[–]CharonP1 5 points6 points ago

My new "give it a kiss" line.

[–]Ninjas_kill_people 54 points55 points ago

Alpha as fuck OP.

[–]Duzzy_Funlop 25 points26 points ago

That looks like it would let off a satisfying crunch if given a hardy squeeze.

[–]Porkpants81 31 points32 points ago

They actually make a satisfying popping sound. I had 7 of these plus eggs in a storage unit in Texas.

[–]Mrubuto 56 points57 points ago

...

[–]WGRTS 33 points34 points ago

i'd much prefer getting bit by a black widow then a brown recluse, been bit by both and i'd prefer excruciating pain then the chance of flesh rotting off...

[–]ishkabibbel2000 91 points92 points ago

You sir are a bad ass. I don't know any man that would want the chance of rotting flesh after excruciating pain... I'd prefer neither, but if I must choose, I'd certainly only pick one, not both.

[–]ArtDuck 27 points28 points ago

Are you by any chance an active member of the National Socialist German Grammarian's Party?

[–]GTCharged 5 points6 points ago

I'd pick the pain over rotting flesh any day. The smell of death/rotting things make me gag and puke. Figures, I can walk right up to something with blood gushing out of it, guts everywhere with no problem, but a smell is my downfall.

[–]guyflannigan 7 points8 points ago

Bit by a black widow THEN a brown recluse? Dear, sir/madam, this is most definitely a time when than is greater than then.

[–]Gogmagog 0 points1 point ago

Brown Recluse are a menace. There should be an international campaign to gather those little fuckers up and ship them to Australia, where all venomous creatures with potentially life-ruining bites and stings tend to live.

[–]ImDotTK 5 points6 points ago

No, keep your fucking problems, we have enough shit to kill us already. Send them to china, I hear they eat spider.

[–]Gogmagog 4 points5 points ago

Oh, come on. You already have tiny spiders that hide in shoes and carry the flesh eating bacteria. Brown Recluse bites would probably be recreational for you guys.

[–]ImDotTK 4 points5 points ago

Do you want me to send some spiders to your country to bred?

Send them shits to china!

[–]MisterCortez 3 points4 points ago

What is more terrifying than an Australian threatening to send breeding spiders to your homeland?

[–]ImDotTK 3 points4 points ago

Nothing.

):3

[–]stonner8848 2 points3 points ago

only 7? We have a full blown infestation of these along with brown widows at work. You can't go 5 min without going somewhere and see one or 2 and usually with eggs. We also have wolf spiders and daddy long legs, but those two (at least to me, not some of my coworkers) I don't care about.

[–]Crashburn_Alley 21 points22 points ago

You should quit your job probably

[–]stonner8848 2 points3 points ago

Well hopefully management will do something soon like they said they were going to because its not just us but also our customers who could get bit.

[–]thrifty917 2 points3 points ago

What kind of business do you work at?

[–]l0phty -1 points0 points ago

Yuuup

[–]Adios_numero_two 1 point2 points ago

Thank you for that unpleasant cringe.

[–]MatthewBox 0 points1 point ago

[–]Dyzfunctionz 0 points1 point ago

[–]slimey_yet_satisfyin 5 points6 points ago

NEVER GO FULL RETARD

[–]Takasheen 23 points24 points ago

[–]adharma 16 points17 points ago

It looks like Nic Cage.

everything looks like Nic Cage.

[–]NotAPro 7 points8 points ago

Nothing is not Nic Cage.

[–]Bbgun88 16 points17 points ago

Dumbass.

[–]ananicole13 2 points3 points ago

that is one brave, brave soul. o.O

[–]ArgonGryphon 3 points4 points ago

I think they're beautiful. Would I go picking one up? Not really. But I still like finding these and admiring them for a bit.

[–]Amuter 3 points4 points ago

I don't get it, I've held a freaking adult tarantula in my hands and reddit nopes the shit out of the smallest spider... did you let that redback out? Spiders are bros that should be treated with respect!

[–]unknownSubscriber 3 points4 points ago

Tarantulas are not highly venomous.

[–]theburtonator 1 point2 points ago

That's a black widow :)

[–]BeeneMachine 5 points6 points ago

You're flying awfully close to the sun, my friend...

[–]yves_sanjiv 2 points3 points ago

This one's as old as the hills.

[–]emo_eater 2 points3 points ago

It looks like a smaller Mordred. If you've read The Dark Tower series you'll know who I'm talking about.

[–]ravecow 0 points1 point ago

the worst think you could possibly do tight now is approa- oh well whatever you do dont pick i- FUCK

[–]dablikepinkmilk 0 points1 point ago

this is actually a red back spider

[–]coydog33 0 points1 point ago

Im creeped out by the little glowing eyes.

[–]Linkzor24 0 points1 point ago

I thought i was on /r/spiders...

[–]Rhapsodize 2 points3 points ago

Black Widows are known to kill, but kill in extremely rare cases. We're assuming OP is a normal healthy (borderline insane) adult. The BW won't kill him. Just make him really sick.

[–]JayLeeCH 2 points3 points ago

Good thing black widow spiders are hyped to be killer. Most of the time it's not fatal to adults, only to children and the old.

[–]sez2452 4 points5 points ago

ive been bitten, it hurts for a bit but then gets really itchy

[–]GunnerIke 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only one to notice it's eyes have a certain "demon-glow" about them?

[–]Sarlowit -1 points0 points ago

You crazy bastard :0

[–]SirScribe -1 points0 points ago

You, sir, have some brass ones!

[–]Lvl2PooShooter -1 points0 points ago

Woooow...so i should crap on your hair?

[–]gbsolo12 -1 points0 points ago

entire body tingles

[–]cassandra12100 -1 points0 points ago

You are my hero.

[–]llamaha 1 point2 points ago

Something which nobody here seems to have thought about is that it may very well be dead already.

[–]skrangle -1 points0 points ago

No, no it doesnt!

[–]crs45622 -1 points0 points ago

put that down for fucks sake

[–]Narhen -1 points0 points ago

Looks very like the one from Spiderman 1.

[–]zzxt -1 points0 points ago

Have seen bigger.

[–]maxeenpt -1 points0 points ago

It looks like a plastic toy.

[–]NeighborhoodStranger -1 points0 points ago

Let it bite you, you'll get spider powers and save the world from an evil goblin.

[–]LordLittlefinger -1 points0 points ago

Dolan y u do dis

[–]poopsackwilliams -1 points0 points ago

Stop that.

[–]avsb514 -1 points0 points ago

Fuck. That. Shit.

[–]madnessAndYou -1 points0 points ago

I have seen this in some video game, this spider icon with that symbol on it. I just cant remember which one.

[–]thejokerxx00 -1 points0 points ago

it looks like its screaming

[–]highchaos -1 points0 points ago

If you look closely, you can see it smiling.

[–]christov9 -1 points0 points ago

ITT: OP trolls everyone with a plastic spider

[–]StenFace -1 points0 points ago

YOU PUT THAT SHIT DOWN RIGHT NOW.

[–]Trentious -1 points0 points ago

Its official - OP has grown a third testicle.

[–]1upwastaken -1 points0 points ago

soooo I thought this was an australian red back, but americans are talking about it and thus I am confused. So what is it?

[–]MsMichelle -1 points0 points ago

My fiance got bit by one, there not deadly unless you have a allergic reaction to them, he had bad muscle pains for over 6 months though and had to take special ointment, he got bit on his back right between his shoulder blades and his spine, the doctor says if you got bit anywhere else you probably wouldn't of been in this much pain.

[–]EZHaunteR -1 points0 points ago

Is...is that a black widow in your hand sir?

[–]clacos -1 points0 points ago

OH SWEET FUCKING SHIT FUCK! What are you doing?

[–]ItsAnArt -1 points0 points ago

It looks like two eyes caught the light, and now it looks like a little demon

[–]Boogie_nights -1 points0 points ago

Fuck that...

[–]jameskond -1 points0 points ago

Hey it's a Broodmother!

[–]avizzlen1nj4 -1 points0 points ago

ccrruusshhhhh sswqqquuisshh >:)

[–]explosive_pancakes -1 points0 points ago

That picture just creeped me the fuck out for the rest of the day.

[–]bigbadler -1 points0 points ago

Dead spider is dead.

[–]talitus -1 points0 points ago

Saw one when I was camping in California. Freaked me out cause we don't get those where I live

[–]DocterGrimbles -1 points0 points ago

It must be dead

[–]thurg -1 points0 points ago

NO-FUCKING-PE!

[–]stonedlogic -1 points0 points ago

Meh, that spider's got nothing on a Redback Spider

[–]inxanetheory -1 points0 points ago

But why would anybody willingly touch a nope?

[–]Xedma -1 points0 points ago

Good! YOU CAUGHT IT! Now all you need to do is maintain your grip, cut off your hand with the spider still in it, burn that hand, throw the remains into the nearest volcano/bottomless trench, and then enjoy the rest of your life as a monster.

[–]blakelion 0 points1 point ago

Hey wait, is that a NOPE

[–]JeZuZz 0 points1 point ago

Sweet mother of the holy Spacespider, WHY

[–]circuzninja 0 points1 point ago

Black Widow fun fact: Their bite is potentially dangerous but not usually lethal. You would have to go to the hospital for an anti-venom like with most spider or snake bites but chances are you wouldn't die from it, you would just end up with a huge bruise. And that is...

[–]BubbaTap22 0 points1 point ago

Upvote cause you have balls of steel

[–]greenbean82 0 points1 point ago

I think this is one of those few times where YOLO! isn't such a bad thing...

[–]scansinboy 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one who thinks it looks like the spider is screaming with a wide open mouth?

[–]djsnipy 0 points1 point ago

But it's a spider bro!

[–]Krussia 0 points1 point ago

Comment? I got a comment for you. NOPE.

[–]MrTekn0 0 points1 point ago

My first thought: YOU STUPID FUCK.

[–]Poopdickenson 0 points1 point ago

Nope!

[–]polkij60 0 points1 point ago

you hold in your hand my biggest fear in life

[–]ItzGitzy 0 points1 point ago

I pity the fool.

[–]iamNebula 1 point2 points ago

Just a little bit tighter. POP

[–]gileril 1 point2 points ago

NOPE!!! Can we please start using NOPE as a tag like NSFW?!!?!?!??!

[–]ob2 0 points1 point ago

When one picture is worth a thousand nightmares.

[–]hatts 0 points1 point ago

ITT: people who think OP is actually the person in this photo

[–]mr_crud -1 points0 points ago

One of those bit me when i was like 6! >:@

[–]Kaseafier 0 points1 point ago

how do you plan on putting that thing down?

[–]Speark 0 points1 point ago

Now kiss

[–]Erniecrack 0 points1 point ago

Squeeze that mother fucker.

[–]SomeGamerKid 0 points1 point ago

Do males have the hourglasses? if so, i sure hope that's a male.

[–]CozzyZ 0 points1 point ago

Everyone in here is retarded for thinking this is actually OP holding the black widow, considering this is a repost.

[–]Tightbuffalo69 0 points1 point ago

Ahh! PUT IT THE FUCK DOWN AND KILL THE ABOMINATION!!!

[–]dB_Person 0 points1 point ago

Your not one of the people that takes a picture and runs! d(°-°)7

[–]snipsnip 0 points1 point ago

Is did, roit?

[–]CoolMcDouche 1 point2 points ago

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???!!!