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all 131 comments

[–]kingpumpkin 226 points227 points ago

It's not your cakeday...

[–]FelineFrisky 82 points83 points ago

Yeah, you've been a redditor for 5 months.

[–]Cruftershuttlesocks 96 points97 points ago

It's hilarious! We should all end our posts and comments with a lie about our day from now on!

Please don't downvote if you disagree with me because my dog died today and I'm sad.

[–]gbboi15 30 points31 points ago

OMG REALLY!?!? im so sorry....

[–]Cruftershuttlesocks 33 points34 points ago

Thanks, yeah. It's been rough. I don't even know how he learned to use a hypodermic needle, let alone where found heroin. Talk to your dogs, folks, before it's too late.

Anyway, gotta go, I'm off to my Krav Maga tournament.

[–]MortyMcMorston 8 points9 points ago

New reddit account. "Compulsive_liar"

[–]IAMAcompulsive-liar 17 points18 points ago

YES, IT WAS FREE!!

[–]xlrc 14 points15 points ago

Yeah, sure it was.

[–]MortyMcMorston 8 points9 points ago

Fly little bird

[–]Revanx17 6 points7 points ago

I will be watching your progress with interest...

[–]IAMAcompulsive-liar 1 point2 points ago

this will never take off. seriously, not enough people read usernames to understand my jokes. let's just say, someone lying on reddit doesn't work, and there aren't any great places to use it. trust me, I just tried finding one.

[–]MortyMcMorston 2 points3 points ago

You realize nobody here believes you.

[–]ReadMyUsernameFucker 0 points1 point ago

We should team up, change the internet and stuff.

[–]Zaboodable 2 points3 points ago

I expect much from you.

[–]BIG_AMERIKAN_T_T_S 0 points1 point ago

I think there's someone along the lines of probably_sarcasm or something like that.

[–]Chinook700 -2 points-1 points ago

It's like the Republican campaign!

[–]xSARGEx117x -5 points-4 points ago

I hate to be "that guy", but it could be his IRL cakeday...

[–]IceK1ng 36 points37 points ago

That's called a birthday

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]jnethery 5 points6 points ago

Nigga please, he's been here longer than you.

[–]jettrscga 1 point2 points ago

Nah, I checked. It's still called a birthday.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]ThunderMethTiger 5 points6 points ago

That's called a birthday.

[–]Harflin 8 points9 points ago

OP probably doesn't understand the difference between birthday and cakeday.

[–]pugwalker 30 points31 points ago

That fucker is trying to steal my karma :P

[–]AnyWays655 6 points7 points ago

We share.

[–]pugwalker 12 points13 points ago

[–]godlessatheist 4 points5 points ago

Maybe he thinks birthday = cakeday.

[–]tip9 2 points3 points ago

Can't really blame OP for lying... I mean in this tough economy you gotta do what you gotta do to get ahead.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]MortyMcMorston 0 points1 point ago

Because it's fun. Think about it.

[–]kingpumpkin 0 points1 point ago

I agree, I was just pointing out that it was not his cakeday regardless.

[–]I_DONT_RAPE_ANIMALS -1 points0 points ago

Also OP posted this image 2 days ago.

[–]AnonymousRitz -1 points0 points ago

Maybe it's his real life cake day.

[–]jnethery 356 points357 points ago

[–]fuckyourcouchplease 119 points120 points ago

[–]Zaraste 40 points41 points ago

[–]pugwalker 34 points35 points ago

[–]Revanx17 31 points32 points ago

[–]PhotonMalaise 9 points10 points ago

[–]whimmy_millionaire 1 point2 points ago

This one will always be my favorite.

[–]w1nst0n 10 points11 points ago

[–]MittensFX 4 points5 points ago

I see, I see.

[–]Actually_Doesnt_Care 6 points7 points ago

Why does that kid remind me of eric cartman?

[–]notbookies 10 points11 points ago

Just a wild guess, but probably because they look sorta similar.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

And because he says "Guizz" instead of "guys". The spelling automatically gives you the impression of how Cartman says "guys". It's remarkable how that works actually.

[–]JourdanWithaU 21 points22 points ago

I think this might be my new favorite gif.

[–]pjeff61 8 points9 points ago

Fucking Brilliant.

[–]kikenazz 39 points40 points ago

OP is big fat phony!

[–]dg10050 7 points8 points ago

[–]MrBobandy 6 points7 points ago

Man, this horse is wack. It's got poo-brain.

[–]soccer_7470 22 points23 points ago

Birthday does not equal cakeday

[–]Cactu4r 1 point2 points ago

I don't know. I usually get cake on my birthday so it is a day of cake.

[–]GET_A_FUCKING_BLOG 46 points47 points ago

Even if it really was your cakeday, I'd downvote you for being a karma whoring asshat.

[–]gamble812 10 points11 points ago

Apparently people now lie about their cakeday for karma. Looks like it's cakeday all week for me!

[–]cigarettesteve 10 points11 points ago

Congrats on your cakeweek!

[–]Quaytsar 25 points26 points ago

How do you think they stay fit?

[–]Teekoo 15 points16 points ago

By snorting creatine and injecting protein.

[–]dick_rickles 5 points6 points ago

Guy who snorted creatine here...would not recommend. Also, don't snort pwo either. It does something to your brain that I can't really explain.

[–]Nitro_Hedgehog 5 points6 points ago

well of course you can't explain it NOW. It clearly fucked up your brain

[–]Tyaedalis 17 points18 points ago

Because that's their lifestyle. They enjoy it like you enjoy Reddit.

[–]Nebulaoblivion 14 points15 points ago

Yeah seriously, and its not like you can just get in shape and stay that way forever, you have to maintain it.

[–]imazero 5 points6 points ago

My girlfriend always asks me why I don't make my bed in the morning, I say probably the same reason I don't tie my shoes when I take them off.

[–]Mother_of_Three 8 points9 points ago

why the swole hate?

[–]Shoola -5 points-4 points ago

why the hate swol?

[–]PassionateFlatulence 10 points11 points ago

sound a lot like my buddy. he's a bit husky while me and my other friend are not. my workouts are constant: wake in the morning and bust out some reps and run, hit the gym later, and bust out some more at the end of the day before i fo to bed. my other buddy is deep into biking and tkd. the complainer goes to the gym on occasion but insists on constantly talking about how trim and in shape we are. i finally had enough of it last night and said "you're always bitching and moaning about not being in shape, fucking do something about it. fuck man, let me know and we can run together, hike some trails, something! just stop the bitching"

in other words, consistency is key. we're in good shape because we continue to work at it. we all have our insecurities, hell one reason why i'm in the gym so much is cuz i'm not satisfied with the size of my legs.

stop worrying about others and do you!

[–]blondiee_x17 4 points5 points ago

I have a friend who is exactly like that. She just whines about how she needs to lose weight, but she won't change her eating habits or go to the gym at all. I can't be sympathetic to people who just aren't willing to put the effort in; your body is not going to change if you don't make a change.

[–]godzillab10 0 points1 point ago

WOO! went to the gym, I deserve the reward of a pizza. Yea, we all know that guy/girl.

[–]TruePimp 7 points8 points ago

You love to repost him too?

[–]matty2x4 7 points8 points ago

Maintaining their exceptionally good shape?

[–]Khyrdantai 2 points3 points ago

Cakeday means your REDDIT birthday, not your real life one.

[–]heodieat 2 points3 points ago

Not his best material.

[–]SenorSpicyBeans 5 points6 points ago

TIL that once you're in good shape, literally no maintenance is necessary to stay that way.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]overused-meme-alert 9 points10 points ago

cake is a lie

W E E E O O W E E E O O W E E E O O W E E E O O[.](/user/overused-meme-alert "Severity level 4/5")

[–]IHv2RtrnSumVdeotapes 3 points4 points ago

hot pocketssss

[–]inspectordeazoteas -4 points-3 points ago

Ctrl+F "Hot Pockets". Found. Not disappointed.

[–]trythemain 6 points7 points ago

Ctrl+F 'Ctrl+F "Hot Pockets". Found. Not disappointed. ' disappointed, because I found it, and that shit isn't funny.

[–]Revanx17 2 points3 points ago

[–]BIG_AMERIKAN_T_T_S 0 points1 point ago

Ctrl+F "Ctrl+F 'Ctrl+F "Hot Pockets". Found. Not disappointed. ' disappointed, because I found it, and that shit isn't funny."

Faith in humanity restored.

[–]Kubaker1 5 points6 points ago

Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen. -Jim Gaffigan

[–]VitaminAG 0 points1 point ago

Fuck you and your cake day. Faggot.

[–]sleepauger 2 points3 points ago

I saw him a couple of weeks ago. Probably the highlight of my summer.

[–]dubmountain 0 points1 point ago

Honestly, one of his bits about cake would've been fun

[–]Luxuh -1 points0 points ago

What kind of cake was it?

[–]hotkakes101 1 point2 points ago

So you reposted something from comedy central's facebook and got a lot of karma for it? Good on you.

[–]YouHadItComing 0 points1 point ago

I always get glares from people at the gym. Yes, I'm in shape. I want to stay that way. I am always willing to give advice to people and help them reach their goals, so don't get mad at me just because I want to push myself even further.

[–]nightwing13 0 points1 point ago

Don't know why people who are pointing out that this isn't originally Jim Gaffigan's joke are getting down voted because i noticed it immediately..

[–]WuTsKrAkEn 0 points1 point ago

Im actually seeing his show in saratoga tonight!

[–]V1bration 0 points1 point ago

OP, it's not your Cakeday.... and if It's your Birthday, learn the difference...

[–]AHelplessOrphan 0 points1 point ago

So its Jim Gaffigans cake day?

[–]CapnCrayg 1 point2 points ago

This might be way he's not in shape. Those people are IN the best shape because they work their asses off.

I know it's comedy, but as someone who tries to stay in shape, the joke doesn't really hold water.

[–]mountainmafia 0 points1 point ago

I don't know if OP is aware we can see how long he's been on this site. Shame on you OP.

[–]friendlymechstudent 1 point2 points ago

THIS GUY REPOSTED THIS AGAIN ADDING ON THAT IT'S HIS CAKEDAY AND IT'S NOT. TRULY A FAGGOT.

[–]danoll 0 points1 point ago

I hate when people want karma on Reddit

[–]ssj999kidbuu 1 point2 points ago

You're not just "done"...

[–]Duck_President 0 points1 point ago

Its not your cakeday! Heresy!

[–]eurrito 0 points1 point ago

if I can get hundreds of link karma on my cakeday without announcing it in the title by god so can you...shame on you sir....shame....

[–]rasta_lion 1 point2 points ago

I like Jim gaffigan as much as the next guy, but he took this joke from someone else

[–]MustMan 1 point2 points ago

Also, this is an old Kevin Hart joke.

[–]astrosurf21 1 point2 points ago

As a person who is in exceptional shape and still goes to the gym everyday, I to wonder why I still go

[–]CoyoteStark 0 points1 point ago

His live standup is amazing. All new material.

[–]RocksAndSoup 1 point2 points ago

"It's mostly water weight." UHHOOOOOOOOO

[–]IIZelosII 0 points1 point ago

The Mr. Universe special he did was hilarious! If you Haven't seen it go and watch it NOW! It's on Netflix.

[–]gr3nade 1 point2 points ago

Ok lets get past the whole cakeday thing and actually look at the joke. It's not even funny. I mean what are they doing there? They're maintaining their body. If they stopped going they'd look like crap within a couple of months. I just find zero humor in this joke. I've seen atleast one joke from this guy that's actually funny posted on reddit but this isn't funny at all. And yes OP is a faggot but hopefully he knows that by now and is trying to better himself.

[–]SnowSC2 -1 points0 points ago

Didn't kevin hart have the same joke?

[–]F001i0 -1 points0 points ago

I liked Kevin Hart's version better.

[–]SnowSC2 6 points7 points ago

Me too, I'm probably going to get downvoted but i just don't find Jim Gaffigan to be very funny at all honestly.

[–]F001i0 1 point2 points ago

Ya, me either...he doesn't have that "humor appeal" with me.

[–]Idea2AppStore -2 points-1 points ago

Kevin Heart did this same joke a few years back. Not sure which comedian stole it

[–]Revanx17 1 point2 points ago

when in doubt, blame dane cook.

[–]Nebulaoblivion 1 point2 points ago

Either way the joke is shit.

[–]nivarius -2 points-1 points ago

To stay in perfectly good shape.

[–]YolkoOhno -1 points0 points ago

My mom asked me if I wanted pancakes today. I told her that nothing lowers your expectations for the day like pancakes. Yes, I declined pancakes, but in my defense, I have an essay to write.

[–]the_friendly_one -2 points-1 points ago

Upvote for possibly having the same first name as me.

[–]biesterd1 -3 points-2 points ago

How many comedians have made this joke?