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917
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A bunch of LPT (imgur.com)

submitted ago by sanzap

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[–]scigeek1701 26 points27 points ago

Be careful of try to trick your professor with a fake file... This can be checked if the teacher is computer savy. My husband is a coder and He checks my students corrupted files to see if they are valid or fake.

[–]kqr 24 points25 points ago

Even if the file was corrupted legitimately when you handed it in the very last day before the deadline, I would call it the students fault and he just has himself to blame for not handing things in well in advance to safeguard against such errors.

[–]Pufflekun 5 points6 points ago

As a Comp Sci student, that trick is basically worthless.

[–]MrRey 6 points7 points ago

I'm a teacher and caught two students who tried this on me. I'm too young not to know the trick already.

To this day I don't know why they did it, I'm quite lenient on this and they know it, a simple "excuse me sir I screwed up and I would need one or two more day to give you a proper work" and I'd be ok.

Bah... Now at least I'm sure they learnt something

[–]sanzap[S] 6 points7 points ago

I personally dont agree with that tip, the punishment may be greater if you get caught

[–]deerchild 36 points37 points ago

The trick is to never get cautched.

[–]power_of_friendship 10 points11 points ago

That sounds extraordinarily painful.

[–]terminal157 2 points3 points ago

That's what happened to Mel Gibson at the end of Braveheart.

[–]Skitrel 2 points3 points ago

Sounds like a brain error between caught and catch. Could have been thinking "if they catch you" at the same time as writing it. We all make similar errors from time to time, I don't think his downvotes are particularly necessary simply for a spelling error =/ Some people are petty fucks.

[–]MaxChaplin 34 points35 points ago

I didn't understand the chain lock one. I you need to unlock it from outside you can't close the door because it's already closed and locked. What's the point here?

[–]LucidTaZ 7 points8 points ago

Indeed. And if you want to be able to open the door from the outside, simply don't chain lock it.

[add] I think it's in a case where the door can be opened a little so you can put your hand inside to place the rubber band. Then close the door so the chain lock can be physically unlocked.

[–]iamapizza 4 points5 points ago

But to wrap the rubber band around the chain lock, they would need to dislodge the chain lock first. ಠ_ಠ

[–]TellThemYutesItsOver 1 point2 points ago

You could make a little loopy with it

[–]IWentToTheWoods 0 points1 point ago

With a long enough rubber band you could sort of fold it over the chain and attach both ends to the handle.

[–]tonterias 3 points4 points ago

Also this.

It is a horrible and very specific LPT that it is just impossible to apply in a normal scenario. More like Rescue Pro Tip or Stealing Pro Tip.

[–]Woodszy 5 points6 points ago

If the chain lock is on and your on the outside of the door this means someone is still inside. I would think knocking might be an easier way to have them open it.

[–]IWentToTheWoods 0 points1 point ago

But maybe that person is incapacitated, or you left by a different entrance that locks behind you (that one happened to my parents on vacation once).

[–]geeyoupee 0 points1 point ago

I had to read it a few times and I was still thinking wtf. I was thinking some of these tips were baloney after that.

[–]Joybuzzer 49 points50 points ago

Every time I see this life pro tip I wonder to myself, who's having that much trouble peeling a banana? I have 31 years of positive banana peeling experience. Not once have I ever said "Gosh, I sure do wish there was an easier way to remove the soft outer casing of this delicious, phallus shaped fruit..." Come on!

[–]LesEnfantsTerribles 4 points5 points ago

Imagine grocery stores having a prerequisite for hiring employees..

"RULE: MUST KNOW HOW TO OPERATE BANANA"

[–]Anna_Mosity 3 points4 points ago

Have you tried peeling a banana the other way? It really is easier and avoids bruising the end part of the fruit. I use that method to peel my breakfast banana every morning, but I wish I'd known it back when I worked at the local ice cream stand. On hot summer Saturdays, I could have cut a lot of time (cumulatively) off of prepping banana splits and peanut butter-banana parfaits and chocolate peanut butter milkshakes. Just pinch the end, and it opens.

A lot of the LPT on this list, though, would fit in better on a list of ways to be annoying or dishonest.

[–]roboroller 3 points4 points ago

It's especially much easier to open a banana this way when it's particularly under ripe. Trying to open an under ripe banana at the stem is actually pretty friggin hard.

[–]Foxtrot56 -1 points0 points ago

....What?

Are you sure you are doing it right? I never though I would hear anyone claim it was difficult to open a banana.

Do I need to post a youtube video? This is beyond ridiculous.

[–]roboroller 4 points5 points ago

There's no need to be an asshole man. Yeah, 95 percent of the time opening a banana isn't hard, but opening a green banana at the stem...you ever tried it? You often come away away with a bruised or fucked up banana. I agree that it's not exactly the most difficult thing in the world to deal with, but if there's a better way to do it...why not? You don't have to be unnecessarily mean about it.

[–]LeucoLeuco -2 points-1 points ago

I don't understand why you'd want to open a green banana. They don't taste nearly as good and the harder texture is rather unpleasant. I'd rather wait a few days until its ripened. I've never had a problem opening one, either. I'm not sure how everyone else does it but I grab the stem and crack it to the side so it splits then I pull it down and peel the other parts. No bruising or trouble.

[–]roboroller 2 points3 points ago

I don't understand why you'd want to open a green banana.

Some people like the taste of green bananas better. My wife for example, she hates the taste of ripe bananas but actually likes them better when they are under ripe. Personally I think she's crazy, but whatever. Sometimes I buy single bananas from gas stations or whatever to eat and they're usually under ripe and you don't really have a choice. I can't speak to your ability to peel them from the stem. Obviously you're a banana peeling expert of some sort. It's just one of those things that's easier (for me) to do the other way, so why not do it?

This is an insanely ridiculous fucking conversation. It's amazing the things we'll reduce ourselves to in order to have an excuse for an argument.

[–]evan_ktbd 3 points4 points ago

Dude, a couple years ago I grabbed a banana for my lunch at the cafeteria in my dorm room. I was opening it while talking to some friends, not really paying attention to what I was doing. I looked down to start eating my banana, only to realize I had a sizable cut on my index finger. I have no idea how, I never felt it, but that banana fucking cut me, dude.

Watch out, man. Bananas are evil sometimes.

[–]Joybuzzer 0 points1 point ago

Concerning bananas, this is the LPT that people need to read.

[–]The-Stranger 4 points5 points ago

I agree, although the technique mentioned is easier.

[–]geeyoupee -3 points-2 points ago

I tried this method before but there is one flaw with it. That nasty black part stays on. Then you have to bite it off or break it off. I rather just peel it the other way, eat it, then leave the black part.

[–]The-Stranger 1 point2 points ago

Fair enough, I hang out with people that do it either way, doesn't bother me a bit.

[–]hairyneil 2 points3 points ago

Yeah I had to look this up to find out what the hell they're talking about. Him struggling with the impossible task at the start looks kinda like Joey from Friends when he was on the infomercial for the milk opener thing

[–]Joybuzzer 0 points1 point ago

I just watched that, and yea, it reminds me of every infomercial where there's the incredibly incompetent person who just can't seem to accomplish life's simple activities without some sort of mishap or calamity. You grab the stem, pull down like a zipper, and you are rewarded with a tasty snack. Was he fucking tugging on it? That's why you're having trouble with it, buddy.

[–]therascalking 3 points4 points ago

If the quality of the LPT are any indication people need to be told to clean their ass in the shower.

[–]Joybuzzer 0 points1 point ago

Thank you for bringing it all into perspective.

[–]w32stuxnet 1 point2 points ago

I always assumed this was just an american thing with american bananas. Here in Australia I have never understood the difficulty with opening bananas, nor have I understood the static electricity issue - tropical climates don't appear to be victims of these issues. :P

[–]Joybuzzer 0 points1 point ago

Well, aren't they already upside down in Australia?

[–]Still-a-lurker 80 points81 points ago

First of all, this is a repost. Second, read the rules!

  • Prefix your submissions with LPT:. If you don't we'll presume you never read the rules, and your post will be subject to removal.

  • No links to long articles.

  • Don't post LPT "lists" (e.g. 50 Things Every Man Should Know). If you do they'll just get removed by a mod.

[–]wonderskippy 4 points5 points ago

People can't be expected to read the sidebar when the text and background are nearly the same color.

[–]sanzap[S] 17 points18 points ago

Classic me, first post to a subreddit, and ofc i forget all about the rules... Oh, well, since i cant edit it i'll wait to see what happens, thanks though

[–]ChocolateLasagna 10 points11 points ago

Poor guy. Admits he's wrong, tries to be nice, and yet still gets downvoted.

[–]dominoanty 7 points8 points ago

I had never seen it. I owe this man a thanks .

[–]ChocolateLasagna 4 points5 points ago

I've never seen it either, and even though it's against the rules I thought it was interesting.

Thanks sanzap.

[–]IamTheBrainOfMe 4 points5 points ago

You can delete the post and post again under the right title.

The long list of LPT isn't really okay either way according to the rules though.

It was a good first try :D Keep posting, you're awesome :)

[–]thedogswoof 0 points1 point ago

honestly...this is one of the best things I've seen on this subreddit...so thanks and the rules seem fucking stupid to me....no lists? why not?

[–]deadbydesign 17 points18 points ago

TBH, these were pretty shitty.

[–]daweedhh 2 points3 points ago

The spaghetti one was pretty good.

[–]zsaberstar 5 points6 points ago

If you're referring to the spaghetti going through the sausages, I tried that once and the spaghetti within the sausages were under cooked and tasted pretty bad... :(

[–]daweedhh 1 point2 points ago

That sucks. I thought I was going to make this every day now.

[–]chrisq518 1 point2 points ago

That's exactly what I was wondering about when I first saw the picture. Thank you for confirming my hunch and preventing a terrible meal.

[–]emja 21 points22 points ago

Most people are niggers and setup their router with the default user/password settings intact.

Wai....what? Perhaps I need to update my optical prescription.

[–]roboroller 8 points9 points ago

It looks like that image is from 4chan. Not unexpected I guess, but if you're not familiar with their particular brand of "humor" it can be pretty jarring. Actually, even if you are familiar with it but don't subscribe to it it's still pretty jarring.

[–]Nickdanger3rdEye -3 points-2 points ago

While 'nigger' can be a derogatory word for a person of african decent living in america, the other definition is someone who is lazy, loves to complain and is incompetent.

So it isn't necessarily racist, it could just be using the word in a different derogatory meaning.

[–]IWentToTheWoods 2 points3 points ago

It comes pretty directly from the Latin word for black. Also, I bet you can't find a single dictionary with your definition.

[–]Nickdanger3rdEye 2 points3 points ago

I got it from webster's new collegiate dictionary copyright 1979.

Americans are weird.

[–]JennyBeckman 0 points1 point ago

Excuse me but I believe you're wrong. The word came to have those definitions because of racist stereotypes. The original meaning was a derogatory term for a black person.

[–]Nickdanger3rdEye -1 points0 points ago

Entirely possible.

[–]bloodflart 0 points1 point ago

other than the racism, do you think this tip would actually work? I have had internet problems for about 5 weeks and would love to be able to connect to something decent until it's fixed.

[–]Jazzalenko 27 points28 points ago

Ice Cold Drink in 3 Mins Flat: "2 CUPS OF SALT?!?" You've got to be fucking kidding me

[–]changeyou 9 points10 points ago

Seriously. Waste two cups of salt every time you want a cold drink. What an awesome tip..

[–]TheKesselRun 5 points6 points ago

It doesn't require anywhere near that much salt. It done this before when I wanted drinks cooled quickly, it works really well. (Salt lowers the freezing temperature of the water, allowing it to equalise with the temperature of the ice from your freezer (much below 0ºC), cooling the drinks very quickly).

[–]changeyou 1 point2 points ago

Then the LPT needs to state that, nobody is going to read "Just dump 2 cups of salt and some ice water on a drink and it will make it ice cold!" and think "Oh man, BEST TIP EVER. I totally have two cups of salt on hand to waste in this manner!"

[–]superaltaccount 7 points8 points ago

So you know, postural hypotension isn't fun at all. I get this commonly due to it being a side effect of medication I take (Lexapro), and it hits you hard enough that you can't even remain standing. It isn't like being substance high (such as alcohol or marijuana) at all. It feels absolutely horrible and it produces negative stress reactions from your body (high adrenaline, etc) because your body is fucking freaking out because your blood pressure just dropped by insane amounts and you aren't getting enough oxygen to your brain.

Don't do it.

(Also for anyone who is curious why I still take my medication when it causes an effect like this - it keeps me sane. that is all.)

[–]kqr 4 points5 points ago

Kind of the same thing goes for hyperventilation. It's true that it purges CO2 out of your system, but it doesn't increase O2 uptake. Deep and slow breaths increases the O2 you have available, fast breathing doesn't. That's why it's so easy to faint when you're hyperventilating; your body senses that the CO2 values are low, so it doesn't think you need to take a fresh breath when in fact you do.

[–]GreyLlama 2 points3 points ago

I think I know what happened to me a year ago because of this post. When I get out of bed, I get postural hypotension, my vision gets red and fuzzy for a moment and then it slowly returns. One day, a video game came in the mail that I was waiting for for two years. Naturally, I was excited so I sprung out of bed.

I was walking to my bedroom door, when I collapsed. I was still concious too and it freaked the fuck out of me. My body got weaker and weaker, and I just hit the ground. I looked around and couldn't move my body at all. Just...look. Then my strength hit me and I was able to get up again.

Oh, and I just did it from the list, I passed our for 45 seconds, and woke up on my bed.

[–]DeathByNUUUU -1 points0 points ago

I just did this before I saw your comment, I was feeling pretty good about by self for achieving some sort of highness...

[–]silver_medalist 7 points8 points ago

I CAN OPEN A BANANA ALREADY CHEERS.

[–]Dick_Demon 22 points23 points ago

Am I the only one that never has trouble peeling a fucking banana?

[–]thewolfcastle 5 points6 points ago

Have you never eaten an unripened banana? You just end up squishing the top trying to peel it. Not nice.

[–]Dick_Demon 3 points4 points ago

Yes, I have eaten unripened bananas before. It still isn't a problem.

[–]thewolfcastle 1 point2 points ago

Really? It happens occassionaly to me, although I do eat a lot of bananas. You try to twist and turn it but no matter which direction you go, you can't get that initial snap!

[–]lurkaderp 4 points5 points ago

LPT: Wait for fruit to ripen before eating it.

[–]fearoftrains 3 points4 points ago

I like my bananas slightly green, though!

[–]lurkaderp -2 points-1 points ago

Then you will have to suffer the agonizing difficulty of opening them in that state.

[–]changeyou 20 points21 points ago

"Get paid to poop."

What the hell is this? Are people avoiding pooping at work or what? And why are people spending ten minutes a day pooping? It takes me the same time to poop or pee. Eat more fiber, people...and go poop whenever you need to, at work or not. Weirdos.

[–]Scroph 9 points10 points ago

Nice try angry boss.

[–]changeyou -1 points0 points ago

More like: "Don't poop at work EVER! Shit on your own time! Clock out if you need to poo! Or pee! Or scratch your nose!"

But seriously who takes ten minutes pooping, and why are they thinking so much about when they poop. I thought this was more like a natural bodily function, not a matter of "Oh yes, I just remembered I should probably go poop." ಠ_ಠ

[–]Joufy 1 point2 points ago

With IBS I get paid to poop for an hour sometimes.

[–]benmuzz 0 points1 point ago

Try and train yourself to only poop at work, then you always get paid for doing a shit. It's a glorious feeling.

[–]The-Stranger 5 points6 points ago

And we wonder why American products and services cost so damn much.

[–]changeyou -1 points0 points ago

Good lord, that sounds like an awesome way to have health problems. Physical and mental.

[–]moorethanafeeling 0 points1 point ago

How long does it take you to pee? I understand if you're a fast pooper, but the same amount of time? Are you a slow pee-er?

[–]MrMagicpants 0 points1 point ago

Seriously, pissing takes maybe 30-40 seconds depending on how full the bladder is. Shitting is just a matter of dropping the drawers, pinching a loaf, and giving your anus a wipe if it was slightly messy - which if you eat right, it won't be. Then you pull up your pants and flush and you're out in a minute flat.

None of this Angry Birds while pinching turds shit.

[–]changeyou 0 points1 point ago

Right? It takes 30-40 seconds to do either for me. I don't understand people who take forever to poop.

[–]RJCP -2 points-1 points ago

tell that to stock traders

[–]pdzc 6 points7 points ago

Regarding the "buy more time" hack in the first picture: don't do this if your professor uses Linux. Linux identifies a file type by its header, not by its extension.

[–]silverionmox 5 points6 points ago

I can't believe that following footnotes back to the source is considered a hack. It's the fucking first lesson you get at university.

[–]lurkaderp 2 points3 points ago

LPT: Learn how actual research happens by looking up sources!

[–]lazlokovax 11 points12 points ago

Don't post lists.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]ChocolateLasagna 2 points3 points ago

Don't worry, I accept your apology :D

[–]RJCP -1 points0 points ago

where's a good please to find lists then

[–]against_justice 6 points7 points ago

I've heard that the one about telling your friends about doing something is counter-productive, because your brain already gets a reward before you take any action. I don't remember the source though. But you know probably plenty of guys who all the time tell you about their projects, and it's the last time you hear about these.

[–]kqr 0 points1 point ago

It is counter-productive for me, at least. Telling people about what I want to do makes it less of "my thing" and therefore I feel less interested in doing it.

[–]MrWhite 2 points3 points ago

I get this. If I tell someone about my project they will typically start offering suggestions that interfere with the "model" of the project in my head and that just steals the wind out of my sails.

[–]emik 1 point2 points ago

You're right, I also saw fault in that. Here's a Ted talk about it.

[–]evyoung 0 points1 point ago

I came here to say just that. I read the same article...

[–]apolaustic_hunt 3 points4 points ago

Measure your hand and use it forever as a ruler is my favorite, I really will do this.

[–]The-Stranger 1 point2 points ago

The average human thumb is 1 inch wide at the widest point. Also an American quarter is 1 inch.

[–]IWentToTheWoods 0 points1 point ago

Your foot and your stride are equally useful.

[–]lunchboxg4 3 points4 points ago

The elevator thing is flat out false. Even if it ever worked, which I doubt, it'd be at the discretion of the elevator logic programmer, and wouldn't have made sense.

Source? I tried it and the doors opened on the next floor. MYTH BUSTED.

[–]Kyle_Crafty 5 points6 points ago

That acne one was helpful and absolutely hilarious

[–]Shepy 3 points4 points ago

Repost, about 100 times.

[–]MrMagicpants 0 points1 point ago

Who is taking 10 minutes to take a shit? Does it really take that long for some people?

[–]Hwaaa 1 point2 points ago

Drop one, them mess around on your phone or read a newspaper.

[–]MrMagicpants 0 points1 point ago

If your job is so miserable that you need to sit on a little chair that everyone sits on when they shit and you feel the need to sit there for extended periods of time reading a paper and getting fecal coliform bacteria on the sports section, then maybe it's time to find a more interesting job.

[–]SoSp 1 point2 points ago

Especially in today's market where there so many jobs to choose from, right?

http://static.themetapicture.com/media/funny-gif-get-a-job.gif

[–]moorethanafeeling 0 points1 point ago

I'm actually really shocked it doesn't take everybody that long.

[–]MrMagicpants 0 points1 point ago

Really? Do people have snails pushing ultra-long shits out of their tiny anus or something? How does it take so long?

[–]dln385 2 points3 points ago

False: first image, work/productivity, #2. It says to tell others about you goals, but research shows that you shouldn't do this.

[–]mama_llama 7 points8 points ago

You dedicated three pictures to the shoelace shit, but how is that a LPT? That's just taking extra effort to make your shoelaces look different.

LPT: Lace your shoes normally because it doesn't fucking matter.

[–]jlking3 4 points5 points ago

To be fair, some types of lacing can help compensate for laces being too long or too short for the shoes. I find that laces tend to be way too long, so some of the lacing options actually help use more shoestring.

[–]Cunning_Buffoon 3 points4 points ago

Mother of god! http://i.imgur.com/Pgv6Z.jpg

[–]An_Empty_Bottle 6 points7 points ago

The pasta that is in the meat will still be uncooked. I've tried.

[–]xzhobo 1 point2 points ago

I don't know why people struggle with peeling a banana from the stem. It's really not hard at all.

Also repost

[–]Harold_Grundelson 1 point2 points ago

TIL I don't poop properly.

[–]Flaccid_Moose 0 points1 point ago

For domestic lock #3, how do you get back in ?

[–]theorymeltfool 0 points1 point ago

And i'll be doing all of these on my weekend off. Thanks!

[–]smilingkevin 1 point2 points ago

Pretty sure that eye patch deal wouldn't work.

[–]jlking3 5 points6 points ago

I can confirm that it definitely does work. At night, I need to get out of bed and pee. So I keep one eye closed as I turn on the light in the bathroom. After I turn out the light and start walking back to bed, I open the other eye (and keep the previous one closed). I always can see my way back and have not stubbed my toe on any furniture.

[–]IWentToTheWoods 1 point2 points ago

It's also not why pirates wore eye patches.

[–]latam9891 1 point2 points ago

http://mythbustersresults.com/episode71

[–]smilingkevin 0 points1 point ago

Ah, well, there you go. Guess the visual purple stays as it is even if the pupil dilates.

[–]ytsejam214 1 point2 points ago

Do NOT try Postural Hypotension if you're taller than 6 feet or so. If you're that tall, you typically just get the "fainting" part. Sorry, fellow tall people.

Also, please don't reboot credit card machines. It wastes time and at a busy store ends up hurting everyone in the long run. Basically, it's a dick move.

Also, has anyone tested the lighter fluid thing? I have sticky stuff on a bunch of my DVDs and it makes the whole collection uglier. If someone can verify that for me, that'd be swell.

[–]Tennessean 1 point2 points ago

Lighter fluid should work but I've always kept some goof off around for this. It definitely works and it has been safe for every surface I've put it on.

[–]megageektutorials 0 points1 point ago

I can't at all figure out the sinus thing. How hard should I press and do I keep my tongue pressed on the roof and not let it off or what?

[–]bnfdsl 0 points1 point ago

Won't nr 3 in domestic hacks just make the door open? what's the point of the lock if it unlocks every time you try to open it?

[–]TheUrbanSombrero 0 points1 point ago

Sooooo I should cut my 9-volt batteries open and get a bunch of other batteries?

[–]Red_Dog1880 0 points1 point ago

Free Hotel Porn, aaaaw yeah.

[–]spoonalious 0 points1 point ago

I don't know any wifi router that allows you to connect without a key.

[–]alfiekong 1 point2 points ago

'most people are niggers' has to be the funniest thing I've ever read.

[–]RockOutToThis 1 point2 points ago

Number 10 - Two of them are really dangerous and could kill you, I'll give you a hint it's not the Runner's High.

[–]sleepy55 1 point2 points ago

Some of these are a little melodramatic.

Having a hundred dollars no one knows about could save your life

Trust me, your life isn't that exciting or dangerous.

[–]tinutinu 1 point2 points ago

That was a lot of 'how to cheat' or 'how to steal'-tips. There is a difference between being effective, 'using hacks' and being a fucking asshole.

[–]trampus1 0 points1 point ago

http://infothread.org/

[–]lyzedekiel 0 points1 point ago

Standard lenght isn't 1 inch.

[–]Foxtrot56 0 points1 point ago

This whole list basically just looks like a porn website ad "7 cooky odd strange rare tips that will make you lose belly fat!"

[–]ThePhenix -1 points0 points ago

Useful.

[–]CrrackTheSkye -1 points0 points ago

I would just like to point out that if anyone ever comes into my grocery store and haggles for a letuce, I will fucking ban them from the store.

That would feel so insulting to me.

[–]hopeidontrunoutofspa -3 points-2 points ago

The one about acne needs to be cleaned up. So many unnecessary steps.

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