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all 161 comments

[–]FreudChicken 27 points28 points ago

Every night, laying in bed thinking about embarrassing shit you've done in the past...fuck you brain.

[–]Fuckbyte 24 points25 points ago

[–]yeath123 2 points3 points ago

More realistic.

[–]whatthehelpp 5 points6 points ago

and yet he didn't fap even once ...

[–]Fuckbyte 3 points4 points ago

proud member of /r/nofap

[–]Devon64327 1 point2 points ago

Pretty much exactly what I did this summer.

[–]Cbgiles 0 points1 point ago

Selling weed helps keep this circle going.

[–]AMV_Ph34r 78 points79 points ago

TIL my ideal life involves my wife suggesting a threesome every night, so I promptly fall asleep.

[–]wusta 78 points79 points ago

TIL I smile at pay cuts

[–]LaZ3R 13 points14 points ago

"You're fired!" -> :)

[–]whichgame 5 points6 points ago

I don't know about you, but if my wife suggested that I'd be a bit worried.

[–]guyver_dio 10 points11 points ago

Yeh, especially right after adult relations and then she doesn't specify what gender the third person is

[–]chain_chomp 42 points43 points ago

All circles should include furious masturbation.

[–]RexArcana 29 points30 points ago

Internet implies this.

[–]Timoff 5 points6 points ago

Those 2 words should be permanently affixed to one-another. It just sounds too funny.

[–]thebiggiewall 1 point2 points ago

Additionally, I'm disappointed that "disposing of hooker corpse" wasn't mentioned once.

[–]pegobry 230 points231 points ago

If you spend your entire weekend on the internet, don't make food and apparently don't do chores and think of your wife suggesting a baby as a tragedy, I would say the shittiness in your life is mostly self-inflicted, but mostly I would say I feel sorry for your wife.

[–]cmpb 30 points31 points ago

Well if you get a pay cut every day, the wife suggesting baby every day would actually be pretty worrisome.

[–]moogoesthecat 4 points5 points ago

And you teased with the allure of a threesome everyday...

[–]pegobry 0 points1 point ago

Ha! Fair enough.

[–]inormallyjustlurkbut 74 points75 points ago

Luckily my wife and I both think having a baby would be a tragedy.

[–]redweasel 2 points3 points ago

"It's not that I don't want to have kids; it's that I don't want to have them with you."

[–]pegobry 0 points1 point ago

Condolences.

(Also that's a lot of comments for a name like yours.)

[–]schwins_cube 23 points24 points ago

Agreed. Most people don't realize just how much control they have over their day-to-day life. Plan a little better and the day won't be so shitty.

[–]Brittany_EE 0 points1 point ago

I'd totally agree with your sentiments.

I don't think it's up to anyone to judge the circumstances of someone's life without knowing them, but I can say that in my life, my issues are often self inflicted.

Some people will need help achieving their dreams, but in this kind of culture, honestly, it can be done.

[–]CeruleanOak 0 points1 point ago

The comic left out the part where this person isn't married.

[–]gets_the_sexist_joke 150 points151 points ago

Oh, I get it! It's funny because all men want threesomes and not babies! And women do not want threesomes but they do want babies. THIS IS FUNNY!

[–]pimpernel666 59 points60 points ago

. . . and they have to make all the food. Hilarious.

[–]mrc560 10 points11 points ago

And do all the chores apparently

[–]joshemory 0 points1 point ago

My girlfriend likes cooking for me :(

[–]Lettertjes 1 point2 points ago

Why are you sad about that?

[–]HarmonyChains 5 points6 points ago

Because he feels he's been made the douche bag for having his girlfriend cook for him, when she has nothing against it in the first place.

[–]joshemory 1 point2 points ago

Yup

[–]Lettertjes 3 points4 points ago

Really? You don't see or feel the difference between your girlfriend cooking for you because she likes to cook for you, or someone expecting his girlfriend or wife to make him all of his food?

(and if you do know that difference, why should you feel bad? Pimpernel666 is obviously not talking about your situation)

[–]lsdrunner 25 points26 points ago

I agree. Also, I think weekend life and 'real life' may have a cause and effect relationship. You want the ideal life? Quit being a little bitch about it.

[–]ireadanddontpost 3 points4 points ago

Dude - can I call you dude? I'd feel less alone if so -- please post on more frontpage threads.

[–]perrylock -1 points0 points ago

Just checked out g_t_s_j post history and upvoted every comment

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]DeathToUnicorns -1 points0 points ago

No shit.

[–]Taarabt7 -2 points-1 points ago

Yes shit?

[–]threeLetterMeyhem 11 points12 points ago

Why does the ideal life not involve hanging out with wife? Just sex? Sounds lame to me,

[–]sennais1 31 points32 points ago

What a shit life you lead. Do something maybe like adjusting your attitude...

OR get off the internet, help the wife out and work on improving your weekly grind.

[–]cheesefan 10 points11 points ago

Seriously, who spends their whole weekend on the internet? That's what work is for damn it!

[–]jesticle 0 points1 point ago

It's all about attitude, like that's literally the only difference between "endless shitty commute" and "pleasant commute", it's not like it really matters how long it is...

[–]battynat82 15 points16 points ago

Its funny because it only applies to straight, married men who want threesomes and don't want kids, which is what, 90% of Reddit? Hilarious! Unless you are female, single, gay, or want kids.

[–]Ryouko192 3 points4 points ago

I think there are plenty of straight married redditors having a "wtf?" moment at this, too. The guy doesn't do any chores or cooking, and nothing to improve himself other than working out, and wastes time on the internet, and that's considered ideal?

I think getting out of the house on a regular basis is something plenty of people want, ideally. Friends, socialization, outdoor activities, etc.

[–]Scubetrolis 0 points1 point ago

ya...there is also not married, straight redditors that think this is stupid as fuck. thats what your weekend looks like? that fuckin sucks.

[–]Ryouko192 0 points1 point ago

No kidding!

[–]PatternOfKnives 4 points5 points ago

No furious masturbation at the weekend?

[–]Fibonacci11235813 4 points5 points ago

"Checking reddit at work" should be in there somewhere

[–]snario 6 points7 points ago

How is that the "ideal" life?

[–]love2spooge 2 points3 points ago

wake up at 4? that is crazy. i don't wake up at 4 in real life and i would not in ideal life :D (i assume that circle represents clock)

[–]pizza_hut 0 points1 point ago

I think it's one picture for each hour of the day. So he is waking up at 7 (still a bit earlier than ideal).

[–]James_Holmes 2 points3 points ago

ITT: Normalfags

[–]blackhawk465 6 points7 points ago

[–]chain_chomp 7 points8 points ago

You have a good memory.

[–]gravytown 4 points5 points ago

I disagree on the weekend. No way that is a common weekend life for most people. Is it? No it can't be. Is it really? I will be very sad if it is.

[–]XzwordfeudzX 6 points7 points ago

This is my weekend.

[–]gravytown 1 point2 points ago

And you are happy with this kind of weekend, yes?

[–]XzwordfeudzX 2 points3 points ago

No :((

[–]gravytown 2 points3 points ago

And do you put any effort into not making it such a weekend?

[–]Scubetrolis -3 points-2 points ago

i rarely get on the internet on the weekends. jesus christ.. i spend like 40 hours during the week on it...i think reddit is full of fucking losers.

[–]RPrevolution 2 points3 points ago

The internet is a wonderful place... And video games are fun

[–]FireFly3347 2 points3 points ago

When all of my friends are busy, and no one wants to go out, it usually becomes a drunken-videogame-alone fest.

[–]jamesf797 0 points1 point ago

I never get on the internet during the weekend. Maybe because I don't have internet at home. I spend a lot of time on it while at work/school. It's just this mildly amusing thing to look at every once in a while when I'm stuck at a desk in front of a computer. Life is so much more enjoyable.

[–]gravytown -3 points-2 points ago

I wish I could upvote this 10 more times.

[–]flignir 0 points1 point ago

That's an ideal weekend, but rare.

[–]WateryPenisButter 2 points3 points ago

He is smiling at a pay cut.

[–]Snodgrass82 2 points3 points ago

... and it moves us all!

[–]op_daddy 0 points1 point ago

that's pretty fucking depressing. do we have an r/depressing forum?

[–]Korthos 1 point2 points ago

[–]billy__ 2 points3 points ago

What is this? The weekend contained no alcohol. I'm calling bullshit.

[–]CaptainBus 3 points4 points ago

Needs more internet.

[–]TheTalkingCamelAnus 1 point2 points ago

MOAR INTERNET U GUISE!!

[–]barnosaur 2 points3 points ago

Kinda disturbing how in the ideal life the wife is just a sex and cooking machine

[–]datablocker 2 points3 points ago

My favorite part was how your expected your wife to be there exclusively to make you food and have sex with you.

[–]davhez 1 point2 points ago

Needs to be made into a cat it would look like weekend life...

[–]Lion_Cub_Kurz 0 points1 point ago

In the ideal life you get three hours of sleep?

[–]ReadyThor 0 points1 point ago

Sooo.... What happens at 2:30am ?

[–]Dickybow 0 points1 point ago

Sad that the 'fulfilling job' is also in front of a keyboard.

[–]bornrevolution 0 points1 point ago

Maybe for you. I love my job sitting at a computer redditing 80% of my day for a better than average paycheck.

[–]Dickybow 0 points1 point ago

I started as a Lab Tech developing aerosols, moved to mechanical engineering, gear cutting and turning, finally as a Teacher ending up as head of department.

Your 'job' sounds suspiciously close to fraud.

[–]wee_mee 0 points1 point ago

minus the workout, this is me.

[–]bigmac49 0 points1 point ago

These circles of life are very specific, but mostly on point.

[–]yuxin_ma2005 1 point2 points ago

Damn it, am I the only one who read it backwards? (counter-clockwise ?)

[–]raskolnikov- 1 point2 points ago

If you made it the whole way around the circle backwards, then yes, you are.

[–]LotharVw 0 points1 point ago

It takes you an hour to walk to the bed? Maybe if you did work out you could save an hour of your time

[–]OhioMallu 1 point2 points ago

Did anyone else find the text to be too small to read?

[–]watermouse100 0 points1 point ago

I am very glad to find out that my weekend isnt all that abnormal. Cool. I shall continue doing the same.

[–]Scubetrolis 0 points1 point ago

dont. that is an awful way to live and it makes me sad to see/hear that.

[–]Getsdownvotes 0 points1 point ago

The ideal life in this is not my ideal life, but it's still better then this shit!

[–]Rosscow619 0 points1 point ago

how is this front page? ive seen this on here at least 5 times in my few months browsing reddit

[–]Nes_SC2 1 point2 points ago

Sweet repost bro

[–]Crachelecash 0 points1 point ago

I looked at it and it seemed to much work to read. I skipped.

[–]scurvydog-uldum 0 points1 point ago

TIL my life is pretty ideal.

Only 6 hours sleep per night, though?

[–]RPrevolution 0 points1 point ago

I like the different emotions while internet surfing on the weekend

[–]conley46 0 points1 point ago

this is really a true story.. i experienced this

[–]Ryusaikou 0 points1 point ago

TIL I lived an ideal life for 10 days this year.

[–]tnerbusas 0 points1 point ago

Who does this on the weekend? Jesus, this is depressing.

[–]slickschoppers 0 points1 point ago

the weekend circle is just sad. it is all self inflicted. the whole thing is just sad, not because it isn't possibly true. but because I imagine that the author blames everyone but himself, when the opposite is probably true.

[–]thechuff 0 points1 point ago

This made me sad. I desperately don't want that to be my "real life."

[–]ewmad 0 points1 point ago

I lost it at his face when pay cut

[–]photon45 -1 points0 points ago

Here's some subtle adjustments.

[–]izy409 0 points1 point ago

That's about right...

[–]judgewooden 0 points1 point ago

I see what you did there.

[–]anonymousHacker 0 points1 point ago

Funny thing about weekends When you're unemployed, they don't quite mean so much.

[–]CardboardHeatshield 0 points1 point ago

Sweet jesus, TIL the way to make reddit go apeshit on you is to make a joke about daily routines.

This is /r/funny. Its a joke.

[–]LessLikeYou 0 points1 point ago

Shouldn't it be cycles?

And what twat makes their ideal life include Recognition from Superiors?

[–]lolsv 0 points1 point ago

My life's like the ideal life, not sure what you guys are complaining about.

Weekend life is exactly like that though :D

[–]Mituzuna 0 points1 point ago

At least in Real Life, for his job he is required to wear bacon on his head.

[–]ratajewie 0 points1 point ago

TIL I make the same face during furious masturbation as I do when I'm eating an amazing dinner.

[–]Regnbyxor 0 points1 point ago

The ideal life doesn't seem ideal at all. It's pleasant, and nice, but far from ideal.

[–]Jeembo 0 points1 point ago

Man.. you need to get out of the house.

[–]asian_ethics 1 point2 points ago

Why is he happy he gets a pay cut?!

[–]all1en 0 points1 point ago

Buy a motorcycle and at least your commute will become awesome.

[–]CallsYouGay4NoReason 0 points1 point ago

You forgot to add in all the gay stuff I know you do.

[–]tucsonled 0 points1 point ago

I was really confused when I started reading these backwards.

[–]alyssa_milano 0 points1 point ago

beautiful

[–]JC102 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one around here who has a social life?

[–]NixonNarwhal 0 points1 point ago

yay pay cut?

[–]Upper_Cunting 0 points1 point ago

Wife sleeps at another Mans house on the weekends.

[–]freewibblebon 0 points1 point ago

Who the fuck goes to sleep when his wife wants a threesome?

[–]Boncukx3 0 points1 point ago

Epic :D

[–]courtkid1012 0 points1 point ago

But even in the ideal life he never gets the threesome... it's just a never ending cycle of her suggesting it

[–]TheJoel2012 0 points1 point ago

What are these, circles for ANTS?

[–]madavid789 0 points1 point ago

I like how the guy gets all happy when gets a pay cut.

[–]raskoln1kov 0 points1 point ago

Anyone else notice you never quite get that threesome?

[–]goodadvice00 0 points1 point ago

Except for the wife and microwave food, this is my life

[–]red_wing92 0 points1 point ago

I make the same exact face when i masturbate furiously

[–]jasmaree 1 point2 points ago

I like how the wife's only purpose in the ideal life is to make food and have sex.

[–]originaux 0 points1 point ago

Oh... An ideal life means you are a straight Married male... :(

[–]retneftw 0 points1 point ago

That weekend life is the majority of my summer.

I don't regret one minute of it.

[–]DesertFox1986 0 points1 point ago

Honestly, my life more or less follows the ideal life circle. And yes, my girlfriend has brought up a threesome. I seriously feel like a million bucks right now.

I understand that there are plenty of people that are maybe at a low point in their lives, and that it may even be out of your control. But positive thinking, setting goals, independence, etc. are incredible things that can help bring about happiness.

Don't resign yourselves to a shitty life. If you are unhappy, you DO have the power to change that.

[–]TerrorBite 0 points1 point ago

[–]Roorocks247 0 points1 point ago

It's kinda sad that in my life, all I do is the third circle.

[–]indyK1ng 0 points1 point ago

It's your basic three stage strategy:

1) Darling I'd love to try a threesome

2) Darling, one day I'd ... consider a threesome

3) Darling, I'm pregnant. There's your threesome

And so the cycle of life continues.

[–]Michi_THE_Awesome 0 points1 point ago

How did you know!?!?!? O.o

[–]skalp69 0 points1 point ago

Reading this at 13:15 before breakfast on a saturday morning after browsing/gaming till 5 am

[–]3sgtejeff 0 points1 point ago

The first two are pretty good...but unfortunately some of us do things on the weekend...replace internet with drink, and were talkin.

[–]Son_of_Ticklepiggy 1 point2 points ago

A pig. In a cage. On antibiotics. Fitter. Happier. More productive.

[–]foodisgodyo 1 point2 points ago

I am sad to see that, in 2012, the "wife makes breakfast" trope still exists, only to be contrasted with a "microwave breakfast" as "reality." Sigh.

[–]gingerpeach 1 point2 points ago

It was weird reading that because I make breakfast and my boyfriend makes dinner. I would never think of making him cook every meal and vice-versa.

[–]keekstar 1 point2 points ago

Instead of complaining about having a shitty breakfast or your wife not making you breakfast, just make breakfast for yourself. It is not that hard. Seriously.

[–]coian764 -4 points-3 points ago

Obviously OP isn't married... My husband understands that I wouldn't suggest a threesome because I actually love him and I don't want to sit there and watch him fuck another girl. We've had that conversation. I'd happily makeout with a girl in front of him and he could jack off to it though. That'd be just fine. In context though, you probably wouldn't want to have a threesome with another guy involved. Not only is that kind of gay, but what man would actually be okay with his wife having sex with someone else... That's truly disgusting to me.

[–]ragingkenbo 3 points4 points ago

Some people are different than you.

[–]Zai_shanghai -1 points0 points ago

It's not gay if it's a three way.

[–]mouldygraper -2 points-1 points ago

Please tell us you're trolling.

[–]snackburros -1 points0 points ago

Serves him right for microwaving shitty food. I mean come on, it takes like 5 minutes to scramble some eggs. Also I don't trust any girl I'm with to cook my food since they always screw it up.

[–]SinewaveZB -1 points0 points ago

I upvote strictly for furious masturbation