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top 200 commentsshow all 217

[–]magylo 146 points147 points ago

Is one of your jobs photoshopping cats?

[–]atlusblue 49 points50 points ago

we all wish we could get paid for that.

[–]OnlySanePanda 7 points8 points ago

A friend had a party for her cat once and asked me to shop up some posters and banners for shits and giggles. Ended up getting paid in pussy... no seriously, she gave me one of the kittens when her cat gave birth a couple of weeks later.

[–]Imundecidedlypurple 0 points1 point ago

I get paid for that. lol

[–]atlusblue 0 points1 point ago

first of all, how? and second do you need an assistant?

[–]Imundecidedlypurple 0 points1 point ago

Graphic designer

Nope

And while I don't Photoshop cats, I used to work at a cafe that sold cards similar to the imagery shown in this post.

[–]VendimionX 22 points23 points ago

if you wanted a useful pet you should have gotten a dog

[–]PepperJackson 14 points15 points ago

You are fearless posting that here.

[–]RalphiesBoogers 0 points1 point ago

so, in other words, he's so bra...

[–]drunk_otter 3 points4 points ago

as a girl one of my jobs is starting everything I say with the words "as a girl"

[–]Acholous_Cognoscente 84 points85 points ago

As a man with three part-time jobs I fantasize about having healthcare.

[–]CervantesX 49 points50 points ago

As a Canadian, I wonder what that's like.

[–]Acholous_Cognoscente 51 points52 points ago

It's a sacrifice which brings a feeling of pride. Knowing that the executives of the companies can take home an extra million dollars each year while I duct tape my lacerations together is all the thanks I need.

[–]zoidberg005 -1 points0 points ago

If you were working, rather than on reddit, your CEO could afford another house in the hamptons! How selfish of you, now he will have to settle for going to his tropical beach house for the long weekend instead.

[–]Acholous_Cognoscente 0 points1 point ago

I hope one day I'll be lucky enough to have a couple part-time jobs there. It would be nice to be able to enjoy the weather as I drive from one to the next.

[–]darwin_wins 1 point2 points ago

Come to America and you no longer have to wonder.

[–]sarahandy72 29 points30 points ago

If I could get a cat to do that maybe my husband wouldn't be so adverse to having one

[–]Surly_Badger 20 points21 points ago

But he also might just divorce you and keep the cat...

[–]lathomas64 3 points4 points ago

Hopefully he's married for more then just a live-in maid.

[–]DemeGeek 7 points8 points ago

If she can get the cat to do that, I think she can teach it loyalty... then again. That is like teaching a fish to fly.

[–]DemeGeek 3 points4 points ago

I clicked that link expecting loyal cats... instead got vid-blocked. :(

[–]perverse_imp 1 point2 points ago

Darn, well, it's flying fish flying.

Google youtube proxies for future reference. Content restrictions are lame.

[–]DemeGeek 0 points1 point ago

Could tell by the video title, but thanks for the VB;DW! :P

EDIT: I responded to your post before you edited, I am fully aware of how to bypass the restrictions but it is too late at night for me to be arsed, sorry.

[–]AngelicLoki 0 points1 point ago

That video is slightly disturbing if you keep watching it. The water is cloudy with the sperm of "thousands" of fish.

[–]Surly_Badger 0 points1 point ago

[–]crokethinky 4 points5 points ago

[–]YourMomSaidHi 2 points3 points ago

Nope. They just grow hair, shed the hair, then poop in a box and demand food then push the food on to the floor. Then when you want their attention they will show you their asshole and run away.

But I'm sure lots of people think this is a fun pet because it sits in boxes

[–]peyz123 101 points102 points ago

I am fuckin hammered right now

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]donbvonb 13 points14 points ago

i love every kind of cat

[–]ibreatheweed 6 points7 points ago

there's only one

[–]phyK 3 points4 points ago

can't hug every cat...

[–]you_wont_read_this 1 point2 points ago

I think everyone wants this to be the top comment out of all the times they've been hammered on reddit and have left the weirdest of comments.

[–]chiknfingrs 7 points8 points ago

I wanna be a kitty too.

[–]foryoursafety 8 points9 points ago

How do you have time to make the house dirty?

[–]lohengrin333 19 points20 points ago

You....want to be a cat?

[–]himynameiserica 6 points7 points ago

"I go first. I'm a lady that's why."-Marie "You're not a lady! You're nothing but a sister!" Probably favorite quote from that movie.

[–]Facenoms 0 points1 point ago

I sing to this to my cat, he's never amused.

[–]AintGettinDatKarma 4 points5 points ago

Cats have awesome lives.

[–]Simi566 25 points26 points ago

I'm no expert, but thus might be photoshopped

[–]mattro380 16 points17 points ago

I gotta ask what four part time jobs do you have?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]mattro380 34 points35 points ago

So you're obviously bright (#1), bi- dare I even say tri-lingual (#2), educator (#3) and possible assassin (#4). I don't know, all of those sounds like so much more fun than cat house cleaning.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Ddickerson03 26 points27 points ago

Shhhh... Just go with assassin. Don't crush their dreams.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Ddickerson03 12 points13 points ago

Don't worry, I won't tell anyone! Pinky swear!

[–]WNYC1139 3 points4 points ago

Now you have to kill every single person who read Reddit.

[–]newreaderaccount 2 points3 points ago

Talk about deep cover. I suppose kittehs and housework is part of a false flag operation.

I'm on to you.

[–]McFro 1 point2 points ago

Black Widow?

[–]mattro380 5 points6 points ago

Well that sounds cool and a desk assassin is just as lethal! That being said, may your hilarious fantasy come true ;)

[–]newreaderaccount 3 points4 points ago

So you're a webcam girl. Makes sense.

[–]newreaderaccount 2 points3 points ago

At least you're honest. I'm tired of having gullible people tell me their friend in the National Guard is Secret Squirrel.

[–]wadcann 1 point2 points ago

Well, I get to hear about exciting things, but it entirely involves me sitting in a chair at my desk I'm afraid :)

<thinks hard>

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Minuteman_III_Launch_Control.JPG

[–]doctorhuh 1 point2 points ago

Calling it now, you're a translator for intercepted communications for the DoD.

[–]Pake1000 1 point2 points ago

4 most likely uses #2. Pretty standard practice of the DoD, especially if a person is seeking citizenship (which may not be the case here, but I'm pretty sure she is still just a translator).

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Pake1000 0 points1 point ago

I wasn't claiming you were a translator for the DoD, but that they are using you for your ability to speak multiple languages. My way of wording was quite poor.

[–]SmurfLovesNuts 8 points9 points ago

Dang. Now I feel like my part-time jobs and full-time student status is lame.

(1) Teach piano (2) sell pianos (3) Cashier (health insurance) (4) Student Instructor at college (5) Private tutor (6) full-time student, for my first degree

None of these are as cool as yours.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]SmurfLovesNuts 3 points4 points ago

It's never too late, although I completely get not having time to eat, sleep, or exercise, and therefore not having time to practice.

[–]yamehameha 4 points5 points ago

She really is an assassin... you have a piano which your cat is cleaning in the photo.

[–]newreaderaccount 1 point2 points ago

I wish I could read a bass clef and a treble clef at the same time. Sight reading for a trumpet is bad enough.

[–]_HAWK_ 2 points3 points ago

These aren't 4 part time jobs..this is all connected to one job.

[–]phaeton_didnt_quit 1 point2 points ago

that forth one you probably could have truncated to "contract work for the government."

[–]I_did_not_rape_her 1 point2 points ago

Dont worry, we won't tell anyone.

[–]goodguysteve 1 point2 points ago

If you're so great at translating then why aren't you able to speak to cats?

[–]you_wont_read_this 1 point2 points ago

1= In what?

2= which language?

3= which university?

4= which city?

[–]zyzzogeton 1 point2 points ago

Arabic or Tagalog?

[–]Bartleby1955 1 point2 points ago

does (4.) involve cats?

[–]GustavoFrings 1 point2 points ago

May I wife you and be your house-husband? I think I'll pass the DOD background check and they'll let us marry.

[–]jamjamjammerjamjam 1 point2 points ago

If you get a shitty task at #4 the next time you go in, it's your fault for posting about it here...

[–]kittenkites 7 points8 points ago

I am so sleep deprived I find this utterly hilarious. Have an up vote.

[–]imontopofit 5 points6 points ago

I'm not sleep deprived and I was almost in tears. One of the funniest things I've seen in a while.

[–]kittenkites 4 points5 points ago

Imagine my reaction over here then..

[–]GingerFresh 7 points8 points ago

How about you get 1 full time job, Photoshopping cats

[–]lordlardass 13 points14 points ago

As a fat, ugly guy working two full time jobs to support his parents, uncles and sister (and her family) this is what I fantasize about.

I bet your fantasy comes true first :-p

[–]Cyber-6 8 points9 points ago

Why in the fuck are you supporting everyone?

[–]lordlardass 7 points8 points ago

Cause I'm a fat little bitch!

Oink Oink Oink, oink oink oink.

[–]Cyber-6 17 points18 points ago

[–]Lecks 1 point2 points ago

Just don't snap and shoot everyone. Happy thoughts, broinker, happy thoughts.

[–]FrontalPR 3 points4 points ago

you got an amazing photoshop skillz....

[–]SlightlyPerfect 2 points3 points ago

Why not 2 full time jobs?

[–]ramsay_baggins 4 points5 points ago

If you look above she's a PhD student, which doesn't lend itself to full time jobs.

[–]mrhashpants 2 points3 points ago

just get an unemployed boyfriend

[–]smoothchaos 8 points9 points ago

There is a man out there waiting for you to do even more jobs for him!!!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Bri_jr 33 points34 points ago

Wow, that went from zero to Kurt Russell faster than anyone would have suspected.

[–]smoothchaos 2 points3 points ago

I said a man not a god!

[–]jenniphur 1 point2 points ago

...ew.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]newreaderaccount 3 points4 points ago

Overboard for the win.

[–]slack90 2 points3 points ago

I weep for you.

[–]steensen 2 points3 points ago

This actually made me laugh.. not just a chuckle.. ehehe

[–]PapaxWolf 2 points3 points ago

So, she wishes to be a cat doing housework? If I was a cat well after I was done being ashamed I wasn't some form of canine I would just act like a typical housecat and do nothing useful.

[–]Garacian00 2 points3 points ago

You wan to be a stay-at-home cat?

[–]brucemanhero 1 point2 points ago

Time to add some clever sentences and pitch yourself a children's book. Then maybe you can quit a few of those jobs.

[–]aynez 2 points3 points ago

Cat doing human business. Did I hear an upvote?

[–]mayonesa 2 points3 points ago

Cats are the new slaves.

[–]pixichic07 2 points3 points ago

This needs to go to /ladyboners STAT!

[–]One-Winged-Angel33 2 points3 points ago

If you look REALLY closely, you can tell that the cat is photoshopped.

[–]SamuraiScribe 0 points1 point ago

Wow you've got a lot stuff. I guess that explains why you have four jobs.

[–]jakemyers7 0 points1 point ago

you have a very nice house for someone who has a part time job

[–]Bayarearedneck 1 point2 points ago

So does this make you a crazy lady with a cat instead of a crazy cat lady?

[–]one_two_many_lots 0 points1 point ago

Don't worry. Everyone wants a cat servant. It's normal.

[–]crustty -1 points0 points ago

This is the best XD funniest thing ever

[–]i_like_salad 0 points1 point ago

I... Want.

[–]RedAppIe 0 points1 point ago

Shouldn't you be able to afford a maid working that much?

[–]ippa 0 points1 point ago

HA!

[–]Mister_Mars 0 points1 point ago

There have often been times when I've been right about to head out the door for school or for work that I've fantasized about being a cat for day and not giving a fuck in the world.

[–]Potat0h 0 points1 point ago

Becoming a cat?

[–]lurveloaveluff 1 point2 points ago

I think a pet technically becomes a slave when you have them do this many things for you. :) Unless you pay them in cat treats or something.

[–]Purplestackz 0 points1 point ago

Good.

[–]F_i_z_z 0 points1 point ago

You fantasize about doing housework in your free time? Can't tell if accepting gender roles or comparing housework to relaxation because of workload.

[–]675675TEN 1 point2 points ago

amazing!

[–]newingtonnew 0 points1 point ago

being a maid?

[–]CrayonOfDoom 1 point2 points ago

I've garnered a secret from being in college for so long. Did you know that you don't actually have to clean things like windows, make up your bed, polish china, or water flowers? It's pretty amazing.

You really can't avoid things like dishes or laundry, but hey, you can slim the work load down.

[–]knowone572 1 point2 points ago

As a guy with some extra time on his hands... I could do all that for you.

[–]Qieth 1 point2 points ago

I can relate. When I come home, I am greeted by two cats.

Me: Did you do the dishes today?

Cat: ...

Me: I thought I asked you to do the dishes

Cat: ...

[–]OneSixtySix 0 points1 point ago

man you could earn loads of money for those.. the CAT CAFÉ slogan-"open all night"

edit: can't won't be working there no, but those pics could be hanging on the walls.. maybe some cool cat's with hats and mustaches would be standing around like manakins you feel me?

[–]ZoltanIsKing 0 points1 point ago

Someone fix this, and at the end its waiting in a bed of roses for her.

[–]HideousClub 0 points1 point ago

Ha! Blue kitchen curtains....In what world would that happen.

[–]Nescent 1 point2 points ago

"I don't need this, my owner got FOUR jobs!"

[–]ToastyMarv 0 points1 point ago

You should get a dog

[–]duBiYou 1 point2 points ago

You seem to fantasize about your pussy alot

[–]Typhoon323 1 point2 points ago

So, you're basically looking for a stay-at-home husband.

[–]therealflinchy 0 points1 point ago

People with 4 jobs is why 3 other people have no jobs.

[–]molsted 0 points1 point ago

I have the same fantasy. But mine revolves around having a trained White-headed capuchin. I have read that they can be trained to assist paraplegic persons. Also I prefer a monkey to a cat.

[–]grp_0rca 1 point2 points ago

I dont think you enjoy doing 4 part time jobs ... I can barely do 1 well enough for my satisfaction. I hope you get to a time where you only have to do 1 job you like and get paid truckloads (money/ candy /whatever you want) for doing it well :)

As a guy, I fantasize about girls like you

[–]justamobile 1 point2 points ago

How can anyone down vote this masterpiece.

[–]Bl00d 0 points1 point ago

Ive heard men sometimes can fulfill some of those roles as well, just a thought

[–]Aethien 1 point2 points ago

I just dream of being a cat. Delicious life of laziness and cuddles and doing only whatever the fuck you feel like while you have a butler to take care of all your needs.

[–]alfdog5755 0 points1 point ago

you fantasize about being a cat that does housework???

[–]clintmk96 0 points1 point ago

You have earned an upvote

[–]mal_bb 0 points1 point ago

All it needs is a few captions and a basic narrative, and vuala! You've got a book for toddlers ready for publication!

[–]Reauxboughtique 0 points1 point ago

Vulva what?

[–]mal_bb 0 points1 point ago

'Whalla', said in a false 'Allo Allo' French accent- there is no place for vulvas in children's literature. We wouldn't want it to be referred to as ch-literature...

[–]eugenianus 0 points1 point ago

Voila?

[–]5kToSelfDestruction 0 points1 point ago

try a dog instead.

[–]lordcorg 0 points1 point ago

Why not get one full time job

[–]PrincessKeona 0 points1 point ago

ROTFLMAO! This is the best thing EVER! Wow the ones with the tea set and the iron are the best! LOL!

[–]mcnublet 0 points1 point ago

It's the cat you need, but not the one you deserve

[–]KrazyEyezKilla 0 points1 point ago

Yeah those people with no jobs who can do housework have it good. Life is so cruel.

[–]snacksforyou 0 points1 point ago

I never could understand why/how people acquire 4 jobs. why not find two that take up all of your time? why have 4?

[–]burnham23 1 point2 points ago

Just beautiful! :-)

[–]TehScrumpy 0 points1 point ago

Last night I got disappointed cause I just want my cat to drink with me.

[–]Too_Much_Overtime 1 point2 points ago

I'm right there with you, babe. We should hook up and make this a reality

[–]jakej118 1 point2 points ago

As someone who can't get a job, I'm sort of jealous of you and sort of not

[–]rwaggie 0 points1 point ago

Domestic cat is domestic.

[–]dafuqdidIwrite 0 points1 point ago

Don't we all?

[–]FindingIt 1 point2 points ago

You are a true redditor.

[–]sfdmfcssfd 0 points1 point ago

Instead you get cat barf on your pillow...

[–]salathiel 1 point2 points ago

I feel like all of those jobs could be done by a nice, supportive, guy.

[–]Snarfbuckle 1 point2 points ago

I wish I could get my four cats to do that.

At best they will furrify any piece of cloth that we have, barf all over the dishes, eat all the flowers and add nose-prints to the windows.

Oh, and make scratch marks on the floor.

[–]Michi_THE_Awesome 1 point2 points ago

What you need to do is rescue the prince of the cats. Then his dad will be so grateful you could ask for a permanent cat cleaning service. In case you were wondering what I'm talking about, it's a movie

[–]senzu_bean_soup 0 points1 point ago

Meeeee tooooo.....

Instead of my cat and rats just being useless. They could, at the very least, clean up their own messes.

[–]choconomster 0 points1 point ago

if only cats were that useful. (not that I don't love them already)

[–]modex20 -1 points0 points ago

as a girl on reddit i demand le upvotes fuuuuuuu

[–]jesusapproves 0 points1 point ago

See, I would have thought it was access to affordable health coverage and safety net programs so you only had to work 40 hours a week tops.

[–]OneNeoToRuleThemAll 1 point2 points ago

Well done :) I have nothing snide or sarcastic to say!

[–]SANAFABICH 1 point2 points ago

I love cats but that was creepy as fuck.

[–]Game_Fortress 1 point2 points ago

Part time assassin dreaming of working around the house? Marry me.

[–]VerticalEvent 0 points1 point ago

And you still need to clean his litter box!

[–]red-it 0 points1 point ago

Hard working guys dream about pussies also. Especially ones that do work.

[–]RungeKutta4 0 points1 point ago

You... Want to be a cat?

[–]Jablestdot 0 points1 point ago

You have a very nice house for someone with 4 part time jobs

[–]robputnok 0 points1 point ago

You don't have to say four jobs you can just say women's work.

[–]rodsaysgo 1 point2 points ago

if i dutched you right now could you be my pussy cat cleaner

[–]SomethingSnyde 1 point2 points ago

You wish your cat did what YOU are supposed to be doing all day?

[–]JuggaloLife 0 points1 point ago

As a man with no jobs, this would still be completely awesome.

[–]nedstupidflanders 0 points1 point ago

You have a nice house.

[–]sig_UVA 0 points1 point ago

[–]BantamBasher135 0 points1 point ago

Thank you for remeownding me to water the plants.

[–]jedi22 0 points1 point ago

Are you the cat?

[–]Mileskitsune 0 points1 point ago

i know of this futoshoppe, but i still am wondering if this is dead cat. poses look all same from different angles. maybe am seeing things?

[–]facelikeagypsy 1 point2 points ago

wow, after months of searching I wish I could have even one part-time job..

[–]robbotsdead 0 points1 point ago

I thought it would be getting one full time job.

[–]dosomethingtoday 0 points1 point ago

So you want to live in the world of Monster Hunter, where Felynes do household work and follow you into battles against all sort of monsters. I respect this and also long for it.

[–]bobbybox 0 points1 point ago

It would be nicer if the kitty wasnt staring at you the whole time as if to say "see? see how hard I work for you? fuck you"

[–]joshskellington 0 points1 point ago

Maybe you should fantasize about getting a real steady job

[–]Kimokik 0 points1 point ago

Can I have one of your jobs D:

[–]homolupus 0 points1 point ago

I do have some doubts about 'your' cat and your 'piano'. If the pictures reflect your aspirations in your existing framework you are fucked, if you are living off a mattress slump and just came up with this - well, work on finding a good boyfriend.

[–]unlimitedgeek 0 points1 point ago

Most guys fantasize about a girl with photoshop skils this good.

[–]eyropiarip 0 points1 point ago

Are you my music professor? She keeps mentioning that she has 4 part time jobs in class.

[–]Natalia_Bandita 0 points1 point ago

as a girl with ONE full time (more like all the time) job...i fantasize about that too

[–]lolmeatshield 0 points1 point ago

Not enough upvotes to give.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]GingerFresh 2 points3 points ago

You should try myfreecams dot com

sign up, you won't need to leave the house every again

[–]wadcann 0 points1 point ago

$150 TF2 Hat

I clearly have not been following the video gaming world very closely for the past decade or so. Cripes.

[–]SoepWal 0 points1 point ago

Did they offer all these things?

I've had people offer me all kinds of toys, but I always say no 'cause it'd involve giving out my address or something. :s

[–]lordloss 0 points1 point ago

PO Box, yo

[–]Reauxboughtique 0 points1 point ago

How much did they have to pay for $150 cash?

[–]tiltldr 0 points1 point ago

About one fiddy?

[–]baethan 1 point2 points ago

So... was this posted in the wrong thread? I'm not being antagonistic or anything, I just can't quite figure out how this fits in this thread--it reads like a response to something else. Just curious.

[–]CervantesX -2 points-1 points ago

So, you want to be a lesbian?