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top 200 commentsshow all 489

[–]MadLintElf 737 points738 points ago

My first day at the job here I was broke and brought my lunch to work. I labeled it "MadLintElf" and placed it in the fridge.

Lunch time comes around and I go to the fridge, and cannot find my lunch. While walking back to my desk I see this lady with my bag on her desk, and my sandwich in her hand.

I confront her and say is your name "MadLintElf", she says no it's Lucy. I replied, then why the hell are you eating my lunch. She looks at me with this serious look and says I had no idea who "MadLintElf" was so I just ate it.

I found out her bosses phone number and promptly called and asked him if he was going to buy me lunch. He wrote her up, and it turned out she had done it before so it was her last warning.

Fired the next day.

[–]br00t 81 points82 points ago

what fuckin weirdo habitually steals people's lunches?

[–]MadLintElf 70 points71 points ago

I'm 46 years old, and I have never had anyone do that to me. She had a good job and made 70k per year, no reason to steal my lunch (that I really needed).

IMO she got what was coming for her, I was just the final straw.

Thanks.

[–]br00t 12 points13 points ago

by your other comments it appears so, awesome!

[–]MadLintElf 29 points30 points ago

It was almost surreal, I still remember calling her boss to tell her she was arrested after being terminated.

The sound of his voice was hysterical, every time I talk to him he brings it up.

Still funny as hell.

[–]ravioligirl 14 points15 points ago

What was she arrested for?

[–]Tom_Z 9 points10 points ago

Stealing lunches.

[–]5kToSelfDestruction 8 points9 points ago

Who would steal 30 bagged lunches?

[–]nlicious 6 points7 points ago

[–]foebea 22 points23 points ago

Driving over the sexy limit.

[–]jakemyers7 5 points6 points ago

dude you cant just drop that bomb on us an leave

[–]TheNerdWithNoName 5 points6 points ago

Arrested for what?

[–]WeirdIdeasCO 5 points6 points ago

Are you Ross Geller?

[–]MadLintElf 8 points9 points ago

No, but I wish I had his paycheck. Thanks for the laugh.

I am actually a 46 year old white male that works in a hospital. I believe that people should be treated as they treat you.

Take care.

[–]WeirdIdeasCO 8 points9 points ago

Yeah, I had a similar problem at my work as well. I don't understand why people think this ok. But while reading your post all I could picture was Ross yelling "My sandwich! You ate MY sandwich!"

[–]jessebuynothing 3 points4 points ago

Did you mistake it for YOUR sandwich with the moist-maker?

[–]PaperwingsX 3 points4 points ago

I would give all my bones to be treated with indifference and apathy.

[–]fruitylips 21 points22 points ago

I'm told that we had a lunch theft problem at one of our offices in California.

It suddenly stopped when one of the engineers moved to Michigan.

The Michigan office now has a lunch theft problem.

[–]shenpen 0 points1 point ago

This. We actually have the opposite problem, people just forgetting stuff in the fridge and it stays there forever, nobody nicks it and then there is not enough room. So admin lady periodically sends a fridge cleaning day, eat your stuff or I'll throw it out e-mails. I thought it is normal everywhere.

[–]frozendevl 171 points172 points ago

Beautiful. This belongs in /r/justiceporn

[–]Battletooth 157 points158 points ago

There's a disturbing lack of hot stripped down naked cops pulling other girls over for driving over the sexy limit in that sub. ಠ_ಠ

[–]feureau 45 points46 points ago

sigh

there's a lack of hot stripped down naked cops pulling other girls over for driving over the sexy limit .. everywhere.. But a man, can dream, right? A man can dream...

[–]donpapillon 44 points45 points ago

Not with that misplaced comma he can't.

[–]donpapillon 3 points4 points ago

Fuck, can't argue with Tiberius.

KHAAAN!!

[–]jettrscga 3 points4 points ago

I don't know what just happened, but I want that.

[–]MadLintElf 4 points5 points ago

Thanks, just subscribed was not aware of the sub.

Take care.

[–]woahmanchillout 4 points5 points ago

"Customer shoots robber dead"

jesus christ what a fucked up definition of justice

[–]ANAL_QUEEN 3 points4 points ago

Justice would be a fair trial and a prison sentence fitting the crime, hopefully teaching the criminal a harsh lesson that he never forgets.

[–]YogurtShaker 54 points55 points ago

Glad the bitch got fired, hope she had to buy you lunch too! People don't have money to throw away, and I can't imagine the first warning not being mbarrassing enough to make her stop.

[–]MadLintElf 32 points33 points ago

She was always a little off according to my boss at the time. I was on my last unemployment check at the time and all I could afford was a bologna and cheese sandwich, with an apple and bottle of water.

I normally would overlook something like that, but she crossed the line.

Have a good one.

[–]YogurtShaker 12 points13 points ago

Yeah, I wouldn't overlook it even if I could afford it. Stealing is still wrong.

[–]MadLintElf 11 points12 points ago

I hear you, I have been around people that are without anything and would understand if they were just starving. This person had a good job, condo, and plenty of cash.

She had no reason to steal, and when confronted she acted like she did nothing wrong.

Thanks.

[–]ithinkitshislung 2 points3 points ago

That acutally sounds like a pretty decent lunch.

[–]imdigtal 4 points5 points ago

You are the danger.

[–]zergling50 8 points9 points ago

Justice orgasm achieved

[–]MadLintElf 5 points6 points ago

Shudders and goes to the bedroom with Kleenex box.

Grrrrrrrrrr.

[–]Proclaim_the_Name 4 points5 points ago

This is exactly how office shootings get started.

[–]Pantherian 1 point2 points ago

Oh, good, you caught the, uh, oh wait, I had something good for this... the... "Pita Predator".

[–]Arx0s 1 point2 points ago

Fucking love happy endings.

[–]lydocia 1 point2 points ago

But what did you eat that day?

[–]Snarfbuckle 1 point2 points ago

I cannot for the life of me understand WHY people do such things?

Is it a mental illness where you just don't give a shit and just take what YOU want and ignore common sense.

Not to mention that she obviously sees nothing wrong with what she did...

[–]jboozer 351 points352 points ago

her baby produces breast milk?

[–]whattothewhonow 244 points245 points ago

Parents, please, don't milk your babies.

[–]fairweatherfoe 112 points113 points ago

I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?

[–]Th3_Candy_Man 36 points37 points ago

[–]atlaslugged 14 points15 points ago

If Robert DeNiro is lactating, then yes, you can milk Robert DeNiro.

[–]gdotes 3 points4 points ago

This kills the DeNiro

[–]howerpower 7 points8 points ago

It's actually pretty common. After drinking the mothers breastmilk the baby can also be milked after about an hour. They call it 'second milk'

[–]Josh_The_Boss 4 points5 points ago

What about if another baby drinks that milk? Or if the mom drink the milk, will it be an endless cycle?

[–]typtyphus 9 points10 points ago

who brings their babies to work?

[–]munge_me_not 78 points79 points ago

There's nothing wrong with this. I breast feed at work all the time. The only thing weird is bringing my mom to work everyday.

[–]M5Phalanx 15 points16 points ago

Oh you.

[–]Nesman64 35 points36 points ago

Just in case you're not joking: Nursing mothers produce milk constantly, and it builds up in the breast. It's very uncomfortable when it's full, and if you leave it in there, your body decides that you don't need to feed babies anymore, so it stops producing.

Nursing mothers that have to be away from baby and can't nurse use a special kind of pump that sucks the milk out and deposits it in a bottle. Otherwise, they can "express" the milk manually, but that tends to be messy.

[–]whattothewhonow 4 points5 points ago

the same sick fuckers that milk them

[–]physics_deez_nuts 6 points7 points ago

They need to do way instain mother....

[–]Dragynflies 4 points5 points ago

Who kill their babbies. Babby can't figth back!

[–]irvinestrangler 7 points8 points ago

There's no evidence to suggest that her baby was with her at work. She is merely collecting breast milk. Learn to read.

[–]abithozak 35 points36 points ago

Oh, you can milk just about anything with nipples

[–]CrackedPepper86 29 points30 points ago

I have nipples, could you milk me?

[–]StreakyChimp 4 points5 points ago

It's funny that a guy named Greg is saying this when in the movie it was directed at a Greg.

[–]SnakeyesX 11 points12 points ago

Yes, this is called witch's milk

[–]bureX 3 points4 points ago

Was about to post this... it's fucking trippy that babies do this.

[–]readingis_sexy 1 point2 points ago

I love ambiguous sentences...

[–]johnny_appletits 2 points3 points ago

And she took it to work?

[–]FranAnn 21 points22 points ago

Perhaps she pumps at work and forgot to bring proper bottles with her. Only reasoning I can think of, particularly to have it in a water bottle.

[–]CollegeWiseSuni 107 points108 points ago

Not that I would ever take someone else lunch, however, I'm not sure how much insentive I would have for taking a bottle with a murky white fluid inside...

[–]conrad98 80 points81 points ago

not to mention it was a water bottle...any fluid inside of a water bottle that isn't water looking is quite the red flag

[–]panderific 19 points20 points ago

There are worse things it could've been. I would've rejoiced that it was only breast milk.

[–]donpapillon 13 points14 points ago

Cumbottle.

[–]snowlion13 11 points12 points ago

i was thinking the same thing, never ever drink something out of someones water bottle that isnt water, i wouldnt even steal someones unopened pepsi but come on, some things you just know is a bad idea

[–]HailPresidentSkroob 4 points5 points ago

Which leads me to believe that the person that drank it probably did enjoy it, so I seriously doubt that note will actually curtail a repeat offense.

[–]bw1870 2 points3 points ago

And it's already open meaning that your best likely scenario is somebody else drank out of the bottle before you. I'm pretty sure this is bullshit though, so it doesn't really matter.

[–]fromtheoven 11 points12 points ago

I'm thinking this has something to do with coffee and running out of half and half.

[–]Rex8ever 6 points7 points ago

Ah, I was also going to mention that pumped milk looks really gross. It separates in a fat and water layer and often has a blueish tint. I can't imagine that anyone would take it.

People used to ask me about my pump backpack at work... Then they'd get this look of disgust when I said what it was.

[–]EpicBroccoli 5 points6 points ago

incentive*

[–]thebradhimself 132 points133 points ago

I used to work in a call center and somebody stole food all the time. So, one of the bosses bought some Wendy's hamburgers and let them sit on his dashboard for about a week. He then put them in the fridge, waited for them to be stolen, and then questioned the people who called in sick the next day. The perps were caught and I believe they were fired.

[–]IWantAnE55AMG 69 points70 points ago

If someone died from food poisoning, could your boss be charged for murder or manslaughter?

[–]creepyeyes 30 points31 points ago

I want to say no, since technically the food was "meant" for the boss in the first place. But I'm probably wrong.

[–]RabidCrab 36 points37 points ago

Intent would have to be proven, but he could be charged with manslaughter if he says he intended for another person to eat the food during questioning.

Never talk to the police under any circumstance.

[–]redditor-for-2-hours 2 points3 points ago

Pretty sure there would be a pretty good case against him since it would be generally unbelievable that he was putting the spoiled food in the fridge for himself. Then the fact that he asked those who called in sick if they ate it shows that he most likely had the knowledge that someone may take it, which at the very least could be negligence. It would be an interesting court case.

[–]keveready 2 points3 points ago

Food could have "spoiled while in the fridge, and forgotten".

[–]sulejmankulenovic 11 points12 points ago

I'm wondering if the boss told some other employees what he was doing ahead of time. I don't know though, my specialty is Bird Law.

[–]strathmeyer 2 points3 points ago

It's ok that you're wrong, you're just supposed to mention that you aren't a lawyer.

[–]TheUncle 20 points21 points ago

I know of an instance where a driver had his Mercedes hood ornament stolen repeatedly, so he sharpened its edges and was charged with assault or some such thing (because he knew someone would try and take it and prepared it in advance it was considered deliberately causing harm to a person)

btw was not in USA.

[–]SuperSpicyCra 23 points24 points ago

God that is such bullshit...

Fuck that guy with the bloody hands.

[–]redditor-for-2-hours 7 points8 points ago

I guess he was caught red-handed...

[–]lurch00 102 points103 points ago

cant spell manslaughter without laughter

[–]stutteringgeiser 12 points13 points ago

Serious question; top-voted is a joke answer.

Welcome to reddit.

[–]YogurtShaker 0 points1 point ago

The food has so many preservatives in it, you cold leave it in the car for years and at worst it would just harden.

[–]avocadoadvocate 9 points10 points ago

That's brilliant. One of my flatmates constantly steals food. Like, CONSTANTLY. I was thinking about adding laxatives to a jar of nutella but that could work even better.

[–]MrBig0 5 points6 points ago

I call bullshit. Wendy's never goes bad.

[–]brianbrianbrian 6 points7 points ago

It does if you fart on it before rewrapping it.

[–]MrBig0 10 points11 points ago

"That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it."

[–]kpanzer 21 points22 points ago

And all I can think of is this scene from Me, Myself and Irene.

YouTube link that's probably nsfw

[–]ChocoChooChoo 9 points10 points ago

Well, I don't know what I was expecting.

[–]kpanzer 8 points9 points ago

A dead dove perhaps?

[–]this-just-in 24 points25 points ago

...So that's why my coffee tasted AMAZING today.

[–]LaxCrosse007 5 points6 points ago

Was it at least Cambodian breast milk?

[–]bw1870 34 points35 points ago

Pretty certain no breast milk, or anything else, was stolen out of that water bottle.

[–]DonnaNobleIsSaved 9 points10 points ago

Pumped breastmilk can look just like liquid coffee creamer. I see no reason why some fool wouldn't have thought it was French vanilla creamer and added an oz or two to coffee.

[–]crank1000 6 points7 points ago

Who pours their liquid creamer out of the bottle it came in, and into a water bottle? What does one benefit from that?

[–]DonnaNobleIsSaved 10 points11 points ago

Maybe if you bought a giant bottle at Costco or something? And you wanted to take some to work and leave some home? I don't know, it's a stretch but I'm sure someone's done it out there.

[–]degumommy 2 points3 points ago

Yep. Right here. But mine goes in a thermos. Looks just like breast milk. And I do believe it's been stolen before.

[–]suace 9 points10 points ago

Agreed, why the hell would anyone open up the fridge and choose THAT as their stolen drink? Unless...unless they knew exactly what it was.

Fake!

[–]ZXfrigginC 2 points3 points ago

If I knew it was breast milk, I would have totally stolen it.

Wouldn't even touch a water bottle otherwise.

[–]chaosmass2 4 points5 points ago

Plot twist: He knew what it was.

[–]calico_cat 4 points5 points ago

In this thread: repeated comments of "Who brings breastmilk to work?" and "LOL who milks their baby?" Seriously, does anyone read the comments before posting a comment?

[–]ItWillBeMine 10 points11 points ago

She really shouldn't keep breastmilk in old water bottles. That's a great way to introduce bacteria.

[–]troissandwich 4 points5 points ago

[–]maczero 17 points18 points ago

Who puts breast milk in a water bottle?

[–]HappyGiraffe 3 points4 points ago

I posted this upwards a bit, but I imagine that this was a temporary solution after the mother realized she either forgot or lost the bottle or container she normally stores her milk in. If the bottle was thoroughly washed, temporary storage (say, 8 hours) in a clean water bottle is probably a better option than losing a day's worth of breast milk. I imagine she will transfer the milk to a long-term storage option when she gets home.

[–]physics_deez_nuts 2 points3 points ago

Why the hell does it look like chocolate milk?

[–]zeCrazyEye 28 points29 points ago

She's black, duh.

[–]JustMadeYouYawn 3 points4 points ago

I only drink organic Cambodian. Nothing but the best breast milk for me.

[–]NikkoTheGreeko 3 points4 points ago

Maybe he knew and gets off on human milk.

[–]MazdaRx7Guy 15 points16 points ago

Why does she have breastmilk at work....?

[–]Kuskesmed 47 points48 points ago

Baby is in daycare, mom goes to work, mom pumps milk, stores milk in fridge, next day when baby is in daycare it drinks the milk the mom pumped the day before.

[–]DangerHawk 13 points14 points ago

Yeah, but shouldn't she be storing it in a labeled formula bottle and not a used Deer Park water bottle?

[–]Kuskesmed 27 points28 points ago

100% it's not sanitary and super strange to put it in a used disposable water bottle.

[–]Yellow_Curry 6 points7 points ago

Not if she's white trash

[–]cgimusic 20 points21 points ago

Also shouldn't it be in some kind of sterile baby bottle, not a water bottle?

[–]jojo_2012 24 points25 points ago

It depends on how old the baby is and what the mother's opinion is on sterilising. Some mothers, me included, don't sterilise after 6 months because babies crawl around and suck everything anyway there's not much point.

[–]beebrianna 2 points3 points ago

If they have a daycare in the workplace.

[–]cause_for_concern 21 points22 points ago

This is

[–]JustLikeMyDick 31 points32 points ago

­

[–]HahahahaWaitWhat 25 points26 points ago

[–]show_me_ur_butthole 4 points5 points ago

­

[–]YogurtShaker 2 points3 points ago

I went to school with someone who would constantly steal food out of the student fridge, but I'd hardly consider it stealing. The fridges were supposed to be cleaned out every Friday, so he'd mark certain items with a pen or something very small, and after it was in there for 2 weeks (1 week after admin was supposed to throw it away) he'd eat it. The food was always stale, and sometimes bad. It was pretty disgusting.

[–]karrotjuce 2 points3 points ago

Her baby must be very mature.

[–]cryglory 0 points1 point ago

Why would you milk your baby and why are you bringing that to work?

[–]reagan2016 0 points1 point ago

Why is her baby lactating?

[–]FLDJF713 0 points1 point ago

You milk your baby?

[–]Lecks 3 points4 points ago

It's not that bad actually...

[–]Spiderdan 0 points1 point ago

More like, why you shouldn't steal milk... or lemonade.

[–]a_creeep_a_weeirdooo 1 point2 points ago

You're welcome.

licks lips and takes another sip

[–]straffa 0 points1 point ago

if i worked there i would reply with "thanks was tasty, would it be alright if i finish it later?" just to make the person look bad. fuck people that take food

[–]JenniferLopez 0 points1 point ago

And on that day, he was stronger than ever.

[–]SuperImposer 1 point2 points ago

I wouldn't even sip from a random bottle filled with an unidentified liquid of that color.

[–]The_Alex_ 1 point2 points ago

Plot twist: Whoever drank it KNEW it was breast milk before tasting it...

[–]compstomp66 1 point2 points ago

Who the fuck would drink someone else's milk out of a water bottle? Especially out of a DEER PARK water bottle.

[–]anal-razor 0 points1 point ago

they knew.

[–]cmilla 0 points1 point ago

Based off the relative fullness of the bottle, I have to guess it wasn't bad.

[–]Binsky89 0 points1 point ago

Isn't this why you SHOULD steal food?

[–]daxattacks -1 points0 points ago

Why is your baby lactating at work?

[–]Shoola 0 points1 point ago

...She doesn't think he did it on purpose?

[–]meg4pico 1 point2 points ago

Plastic water bottles are rated for single-use and should most likely not be used for breast milk, especially if it is going to be given to an infant.

[–]aeobeo 1 point2 points ago

mmm, luxury milk.

[–]IncredibleFalk1 0 points1 point ago

DeerPark? Hey, do you live in texas?!

[–]Watcher13 0 points1 point ago

I'd've polished it off after reading that...

[–]Boobwatcher 1 point2 points ago

Why you SHOULD steal food. Surprise breast milk!

[–]Borbygoymi -1 points0 points ago

So we keep breast milk in the fridge at work no do we?

[–]boredatwork920 0 points1 point ago

The bottle was actually half filled when she put that note there

[–]Moosey_Doom 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of this

[–]Absocold -1 points0 points ago

What the hell kind of parent would milk a baby?!!

[–]vinsite[!] -1 points0 points ago

Bullshit. Never happened

[–]splein23 0 points1 point ago

I was living in barracks while working for the forest service. I dunno who but someone stole an entire stick of my butter. Still haunts me.

[–]homeless_man_jogging 0 points1 point ago

"Why, I did enjoy it, but I'm interested in getting some from the source in future."

[–]Anomonis 0 points1 point ago

This is an incredibly passive aggressive way to deal with THEFT. Most workplaces will not do anything for you. I wrote a note that said I was going to deal with the next person I caught stealing my lunch, and took every chance I had to go to the lunchroom. I caught someone stealing, yelled at them, tried to get them fired and failed and instead got a mark on their record, and never had a problem again. I still watch to see if I can get that fucking idiot fired.

[–]digital_darkness 0 points1 point ago

Was this Nigerian Breast milk?

[–]theuncommonman 0 points1 point ago

Breeeeeeeeast milk... you made my daaaaaay-aaaaa!

[–]thealaskinwonder 1 point2 points ago

I'm just super impressed that your baby can produce breast milk!

[–]MisterDonkey 0 points1 point ago

Who would drink some unidentified, nasty looking shit from a sketchy looking water bottle? I have a hard enough time drinking from the fountain at work.

[–]Ake2k 0 points1 point ago

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rada_(fiqh)

In some cultures people who drink from the same breast milk become kin.

[–]shadow34345 -1 points0 points ago

NSFL.

[–]ekaceerf 1 point2 points ago

We need to do a AMA with someone who does this. I want the thought process behind this explained.

[–]dophie23 -1 points0 points ago

What the fuckkk!! That is so hilarious! It was probably some freaky person who wanted to drink breast milk. Why would you put it in a water bottle though? Lmao! Too funny!

[–]Bunyungtung -1 points0 points ago

Id enjoy the breast milk.

[–]lydocia -1 points0 points ago

Why do you bring breast milk to work?

[–]MadhouseMedic -1 points0 points ago

Why are you putting your breast milk in the office fridge....ugh

[–]Lupawolf 0 points1 point ago

All the goodness of Yummy Mummy. You'll never to back to cow

[–]kristbowels -1 points0 points ago

doesn't the mother usually produce the milk?

[–]hangm4n -1 points0 points ago

Why is it weirder for adult humans to drink human milk, than it is for humans to drink cow milk? It's like the same shit but meant for baby cows.

I'm not going to say that he was doing the right thing; food stealers are top of my list of cunts I don't like. But seriously, what the fuck humanity?

[–]Shortcake_amy 0 points1 point ago

In the uk, i think they have to provide a room for you to pump milk and a seperate fridge to store it if you tell them that you intend to continue breast feeding after returning from maternity leave. Also not emptying the breasts is very painful and can lead to mastitis which is even more painful!

[–]Qieth 0 points1 point ago

"My baby's breast milk".

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT KID?!

[–]Sub-cidal 0 points1 point ago

WHY ISN'T ANYBODY TALKING ABOUT THE LARGE BROWN CHUNK IN THE MILK?!?

[–]Grassman_of_Gotham -1 points0 points ago

What doesn't make me go "Eww" is the thought of drinking breast milk. I drank that stuff as a kid and I'm still alive, and appearantly it's full of healthy stuff.

No, it's the idea that the mother could've been ugly/disgusting as sin and the substance I just consumed was flowing around in that behemoth's chest.

[–]apocal7964 0 points1 point ago

similar thing happened to a friend she worked ata telemartket thing whre she sold vending machines and some mystery person kept stealling her food from the fridge so she like F*ck this and makes some fudge brownies and mixes in lots of chocolate laxitives in it takes it to work and waits the stuff vanishes and about 10 min later a guy and gal start running like mad to the bathroom her food was never taken again :)

[–]mage_g4 0 points1 point ago

I wonder if she realises that what she actually implied is that has milked her baby's breasts and bottled it...

[–]jbd1986 1 point2 points ago

But has anyone considered that OP is a troll...? I.e. He/she wrote that sign and put it next to the bottle? I don't know how much milk a woman produces, but 16oz or so seems excessive in the middle of the day. Wouldn't it be likely that its all she produced up to that point.

OP is troll?

[–]kieranshaneegan 0 points1 point ago

TIL babies breasts make a lot of milk

[–]raazurin 0 points1 point ago

No. This is why you only eat the microwavable frozen foods. Those are meals asking to be stolen.

[–]Koey4Shoey -1 points0 points ago

Why would you bring your wife's breast milk to work?

[–]Collins42 0 points1 point ago

Been done before. What is this, amateur hour?

[–]CubedRoot 0 points1 point ago

Wait, why the fuck would you bring your baby's breast milk to work?

Or, did the mother actually milk herself while at work and was going to take it home?