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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]steven_wlkr 630 points631 points ago

He's lying, he's available in Free Agents....but to be fair his name is still Ochocinco...

[–]brianfantana32 353 points354 points ago

Chad, the only person who would change his name to a number and head-butt his wife.

[–]steven_wlkr 168 points169 points ago

Only to want to change it back...

[–]bumdiggity 132 points133 points ago

i bet he wants to take that head-butt back too

[–]solidsnakem9 123 points124 points ago

Ctrl+Z

[–]thebeattakesme 293 points294 points ago

Z for Zidane

[–]learntofart 13 points14 points ago

[–]godoffire07 25 points26 points ago

I laughed until my head hurt

[–]the_fuckin_truth 7 points8 points ago

Would you say your head hurts [ ]more or [ ]less than a head-butt?

[–]runsurfswim 3 points4 points ago

And guess where he's gonna wanna take it.

[–]Randamba 6 points7 points ago

In the nuts?

[–]FluffyLion 3 points4 points ago

To the butt! It's called a head-butt!

[–]jdotliu 70 points71 points ago

In all seriousness, that dude was so dumb for marrying a woman who showed serious signs of agression problems on TV and also left the guy she was dating for multiple years just because the guy ran out of cash (Antoine Walker)

[–]BlackestNight21 39 points40 points ago

Perceived love makes you do stupid things.

[–]aedmark 48 points49 points ago

Tell me about it. My brother just got married to a moose.

[–]UncleTogie 52 points53 points ago

My brother just got married to a moose.

Be careful there, guy... A Møøse once bit my sister.

[–]crewen 14 points15 points ago

No realli!

[–]spaceous901 4 points5 points ago

Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti...

[–]ghostface134 1 point2 points ago

She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink".

[–]TedFromTheFuture 7 points8 points ago

Did she become a weremoose?

[–]unknown_batman 2 points3 points ago

Thank you for making that reference. I love you now.

[–]AceEnigmaX 14 points15 points ago

The writer of this comment would like it to be known that the person responsible for the previous comment, has been sacked.

[–]kosif 12 points13 points ago

[–]HappyPuppet 6 points7 points ago

Yeah, but they don't need counseling.

[–]yellowpride 5 points6 points ago

Oh you Canadians...

[–]mguddin 11 points12 points ago

wow... didnt know this... thats why i wouldnt marry ANYBODY if i was famous. i would go the george clooney route. When your rich and famous the girls are more attracted to the money and lifestyle than the person...

[–]lizard_king_rebirth 7 points8 points ago

Yeah, I tell you boys. Women can kill. Poontang is expensive. That’s why when it comes to chicks, I just screw ‘em and leave em. I say, get out of my bedroom poon-tank, before you suck my life dry.

[–]TheGOPkilledJesus 3 points4 points ago

Never underestimate the power of a woman being good in the sack.

[–]MarchMadnessisMe 51 points52 points ago

To a number that isn't even really how you say the number.

[–]Eternity42Immensity 59 points60 points ago

To be fair, he has the numbers right, but its Chad Eight five, instead of Chad Eighty Five.

Either way, it's a lot catchier than Metta Worldpeace.

[–]jvfernan 21 points22 points ago

He'll always be Ron "I'll punch/elbow you on the court" Artest to me. Go Lakers!!

[–]jpark28 24 points25 points ago

What about Ron "I'll attack fans in the stands" Artest? Go Lakers!

[–]raiter 41 points42 points ago

Ochenta y cinco

[–]Mr_Incognito 4 points5 points ago

10-4

[–]Sashieden 18 points19 points ago

In sport terms it is, because when you call their number it is eight-five, or six-two.

[–]loeras 23 points24 points ago

Did I miss the memo on this? No one says "Oh hes number seven two" for someone who's number is seventy two. You say "Seventy two"

[–]wise_reddit_sex_god 24 points25 points ago

You're right; fans usually say seventy two.

Play books and often (or at least they did in my playing days) huddles refer to each number to avoid confusion.

Did he say fifty eight, or sixty eight? I should block left...oh fuuuuuu...

[–]rasherdk 5 points6 points ago

Oh hey, that actually makes sense.

[–]Jeroknite 10 points11 points ago

Chads everywhere are slinking away with shame.

[–]zsupreme 7 points8 points ago

One time we were at a party and my usually reserved Asian friend, Matt Larison, and I were introduced to a guy named Chad.

Matt says, and I'll never frget this: "Haha, your name is Chad? Short for Chadwick? That sucks."

Imagine a dozen people laughing at you because of your name. It was great.

[–]pneurbies 42 points43 points ago

Reminds me of this time I was with my African friend Daisuke Takeshima, and we were fishing for penguins off the coast of the Bermuda Triangle. That is all.

[–]taylorguitar13 22 points23 points ago

Reminds me of this time I was with my Mexican friend Padraig O'Reilly, and we were celebrating his Bar Mitzvah at a little house in rural Nebraska. Oh Padraig, such a fun guy.

[–]DengarRoth 20 points21 points ago

Reminds me of the time my Welsh buddy, César Alberto Rodriguez de la Peña, shared his famous tabbouleh recipe with me. Absolutely delicious!

[–]Moochador84 2 points3 points ago

This is it. Up voting you all.

[–]TIGGER_WARNING 8 points9 points ago

There has never been a Chad who was a positive influence on the world.

The prejudice is well-founded.

[–]RestoreFear 8 points9 points ago

Hanging Chads are the worst.

[–]UncleTogie 6 points7 points ago

There has never been a Chad who was a positive influence on the world.

I hate to burst your bubble, but.... science!

[–]lordeirias 10 points11 points ago

OK, someone point me in the direction of even ONE friggin Chadwick. Seriously, in 26 years I have never met one but always am told I spell my own name wrong (Chadrick). Every teacher: "Chadwick" "No, Chadrick" "I think you mean Chadwick, C H A D W I C K" "Listen lady, I am 6 but I can spell my name and it has an R in it" "So Chadwrick?" "No R I C K, as in Chad + Rick...."

I never even met another Chad until I got to college and then I ended up in a class of 6 people where 4 of us were named Chad.

[–]stoogebag 14 points15 points ago

what was the class, dickhole studies

[–]GertBrobain 13 points14 points ago

Matt Larison doesn't sound all the Asian ಠ_ಠ

[–]zsupreme 4 points5 points ago

he's a twinkie; he was yellow on the outside and white on the inside (adopted by the whites)

[–]cconrad0825 1 point2 points ago

Change his name into numbers in a language he obviously doesn't speak.

[–]TrollErgoSum 159 points160 points ago

[–]Dukelicious 88 points89 points ago

I bet the Chad Johnson he made is way better than a 76 though.

[–]DELTATKG 143 points144 points ago

I would guess the Chad Johnson he made is an 85.

[–]BipolarBear0 38 points39 points ago

In Madden 11 he was something like 92, and now he's a 76? Damn.

[–]Dysalot 32 points33 points ago

In one year I can't remember if it was before or after Madden 11, the redid the overall system to lower numbers. To fit it more in line with a bell curve rather than mostly at the top like it was getting.

[–]ya_y_not 3 points4 points ago

if he was so good he'd be on a team.

[–]BipolarBear0 23 points24 points ago

He was pretty mediocre last season with the Pats, but I think Miami let him go because of the domestic violence allegations, not because he was really awful.

[–]failburn 3 points4 points ago

No, he was/is awful, and quite inept at the modern NFL offense.

Speed wont serve you as you get older, nor will lack of focus.

[–]Trapped_SCV 28 points29 points ago

If they handle free agents like they used to there is a chance that Chad just missed himself.

[–]vkells 19 points20 points ago

Wow, right next to T.J Houshmandzadeh. Almost like it was meant to be.

[–]Cuplink 6 points7 points ago

As a Bengals fan. Never forget.

[–]SilverLion 14 points15 points ago

thanks dudemanbestbro1

[–]XaroXhaonDaxos 1210 points1211 points ago

I'm not in Madden 13 and it wasn't awkward at all.

[–]braulio09 694 points695 points ago

the richest man in Qarth does not have time for frivolous sports

[–]enrique15 63 points64 points ago

That's Xaro Xhoan Daxos. This impostor can't even get the name right.

[–]XaroXhoanDucksauce 122 points123 points ago

What a loser.

[–]vince_thewhat 20 points21 points ago

Wait a minute...

[–]Pistolfist 15 points16 points ago

Redditor for 2 months, colour me impressed.

[–]enigma2g 1 point2 points ago

I'm upvoting you only on the basis that you put a u in colour. As a non-American I approve of this.

[–]LeLeLeSchlick 1 point2 points ago

"Colour" with a "u". You are not American.

[–]prefabbed 16 points17 points ago

Don't make him cry-too late.

[–]Curtisbeef 119 points120 points ago

[–]trueblueskies 500 points501 points ago

Pffft, TV only fan.

[–]tylerbrainerd 153 points154 points ago

One of the most disappointing changes, in my mind.

[–]amanoftomorrow 37 points38 points ago

Wasn't he gay in the books also?

[–]amjhwk 20 points21 points ago

and milk white

[–]darthstupidious 5 points6 points ago

Well, in their defense, there has to be at least one black guy.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

All you need's Salladhor Saan, baby.

[–]I_MAKE_USERNAMES 22 points23 points ago

Correct.

[–]Tagard_McStone 5 points6 points ago

One of the most disappointing changes

His lack of mentioning PPLLLLEEEASURE BARGES every 5 minutes was my biggest gripe.

[–]Cromiell 16 points17 points ago

Okay, I need to put my 2 cents in on this. Yes, the shows had a lot of things cut out that may have been better in the books, but keep the following in mind: if they redid everything scene by scene, they would never finish it. They had to work with what they had and get certain things across to the viewer for them to follow along. Also, keep in mind that in the books we could hear the character's thoughts and feeling, whereas in the show, we couldn't. The directors/writers/producers needed to get across a HUGE amount of information without using methods that a book writer has at his disposal. And you know what? I like it. For what it's worth, the show does a good job of keeping the viewer up with the story and the viewpoints of the characters without using a narrator.

TL;DR: The shows are not as detailed as the books, but they do a damn good job of keeping the viewer in the story.

[–]lmgur 32 points33 points ago

At first I was like 'What vault?' since I haven't seen the show.

[–]turo9992000 20 points21 points ago

Are you purposely avoiding the show, or are you waiting for it to finish, so that you could watch the series in a massive marathon?

[–]lmgur 15 points16 points ago

I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I plan on watching them, but at the same time I am hesitant because I don't want them to ruin my favorite characters (mainly Arya since I have heard they change her story a fair bit.).

[–]mispelt 245 points246 points ago

It's really not so bad after she gets the hang of piloting her gundam.

[–]AManHasSpoken 36 points37 points ago

The sex scene was just awkward. (For book readers: not Arya, the gundam.)

[–]spanky6 39 points40 points ago

Dude, spoilers.

[–]allpluto 6 points7 points ago

I thought it was an EVA

[–]UnfortunatelyMacabre 8 points9 points ago

Woah, man. SPOILERS

[–]foreveracubone 6 points7 points ago

The changes have been very interesting, she gets to the same place, just takes a slightly different path which is every bit as cool as the old one.

[–]bedsuavekid 7 points8 points ago

"Every bit as cool"? Come now. The TV version is a cute but neutered version of the book version. The TV version is timid and girly, the book version had a body count. Where was the weasel soup?

[–]Rummy9 2 points3 points ago

there are no lithpz.

[–]Jesufication 6 points7 points ago

It's really just a bit of trimming and re-arranging. So far they haven't changed her character really.

[–]Chicago31 14 points15 points ago

IS THERE GOLD IN THE VILLAGE

[–]DEXECON 3 points4 points ago

Holy shit! I really thought you were talking about gundam for a sec.

The moment I read kings landing I stopped...also are the books really that different? Well that's awesome :D now I can enjoy both!

[–]Beetle559 5 points6 points ago

I fucking love that little psycho.

The Frey's are FUCKED.

[–]IMongoose 2 points3 points ago

The first season is almost a play by play from the book, just a handful of things changed. There is a lot of sex scenes though, like, a lot. Second season they changed quite a few things, some for better some for worse.

[–]HappyDays7 11 points12 points ago

I don't even know what we're talking about.

[–]turo9992000 11 points12 points ago

Game of Thrones

[–]Trenchyjj 6 points7 points ago

look at him, look at him and laugh!

[–]retracgib 13 points14 points ago

Saw spoiler tag. Just watched episode where they arrive at Qarth. Hovered anyway. I am not a clever man.

[–]Curtisbeef 32 points33 points ago

It is known.

[–]Fluffy_T-Rex 6 points7 points ago

It is known.

[–]CardboardDoom 14 points15 points ago

It is gnome.

[–]HeWentToJared91 3 points4 points ago

It is Noam.

[–]MausIguana 7 points8 points ago

Hodor?

[–]MikeTheInfidel 8 points9 points ago

"Hodor," Bran agreed, wondering what it meant.

[–]CaveMcgee 38 points39 points ago

To be honest, I would have found it more awkward had I been in Madden 13.

[–]Octavian0 36 points37 points ago

You aren't?

sidles away from Xaro slowly

[–]Kogusoku 20 points21 points ago

sidles Nice

[–]DELTATKG 9 points10 points ago

In order to go to a new line, press return twice

Like this.

[–]gg4465a 9 points10 points ago

Have you done anything besides Reddit for the past 5 days?

[–]AgentWD40 4 points5 points ago

Every game could use some Ducksauce.

[–]dsr541 8 points9 points ago

You have 50,000 comment karma in 5 days. I don't know who you are or why you have devoted your life to a website, but if you keep this up you'll end the year with 3,650,000 karma.

[–]LucasWG 6 points7 points ago

We are watching Reddit history being made by this man, men.

[–]Chukklzz 323 points324 points ago

That awkward moment when you headbutt your wife.

[–]tswpoker1 33 points34 points ago

Maybe she deserves to be in Madden

[–]ObedMorton 35 points36 points ago

I imagine she was pretty Madden when she got headbutted.

[–]cconrad0825 10 points11 points ago

Or when the commentary about loss of yards came up.

[–]SirNarwhal 2 points3 points ago

Except she's the one who headbutted him...

[–]Mattson 59 points60 points ago

As a Dolphin's fan I'm fucking angry. The Dolphin's released Chad due to his run in with the law recently.

It's almost as if they never want to win anything again.

[–]xIrish 31 points32 points ago

Watching the Dolphins on Hard Knocks this year really feels like we're getting a good look into how 3-win teams operate.

[–]juicelee777 6 points7 points ago

it's crazy, the year that cincy was on hard knocks we ended up getting a playoff berth

[–]LOOK_AT_IT 55 points56 points ago

As a Texans fan, thank you for the decision to start a rookie qb game 1 against our defense.

[–]nawkuh 10 points11 points ago

As a Texans fan, I'm pretty happy with the decision. As an Aggie, I'm scared for Mannehill.

[–]timmymac 9 points10 points ago

As a Bills fan, Fuck the Dolphins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]thesaucymango94 9 points10 points ago

As an Eagles fan, fuck everyone.

[–]warped_and_bubbling 7 points8 points ago

As a Seahawks fan, thank you for taking Tavaris Jackson.

[–]timmymac 2 points3 points ago

You're welcome. He's better than vince young as a backup. At least when Fitz starts sucking around week 4 we won't have to hear the Vince cheers.

[–]MaybeOptimist 3 points4 points ago

As a Japanese: and fuck you whares!

[–]rockdevourer 13 points14 points ago

As well as the Vontae Davis trade :(

[–]Mattson 3 points4 points ago

I've had season tickets since the Johnson era... the dolphins are just a source of infinite woe for me right now.

[–]vincent_van_brogh 3 points4 points ago

they couldn't even suck for luck!

[–]cake4chu 3 points4 points ago

It's almost as if they never want to win anything again.

they dont

[–]menoverboard 2 points3 points ago

As a lions fan, you guys aren't that terrible yet, not by my standards.

[–]A_Brutal_Policeman 39 points40 points ago

Chad "motherfucking" Jones.

[–]exp0rtel 10 points11 points ago

Never forget Chad "Monolyth Ridge" Jones ;)

[–]HCLcoasters 11 points12 points ago

It's a retard magnet!

[–]TLDRinLimerick 229 points230 points ago

There was a well known football pro,
Who named himself Ochocinco,
He was sad when the game,
no longer carried his name.
But it should have been dropped years ago.

[–]tamatoh 147 points148 points ago

The TLDR was longer than the tweet

[–]Octavian0 53 points54 points ago

It was for the art!

[–]SPACE_LAWYER 11 points12 points ago

maybe last year, but years ago?

[–]Aikidi 11 points12 points ago

If you're going to do it, you might as well try and keep the meter.

[–]LNMagic 15 points16 points ago

There was a well known football pro,
Who named himself Ochocinco,
He cried when the game
Excluded his name;
It should have been dropped years ago.

How's that?

[–]Aikidi 3 points4 points ago

Wonderful

[–]Thorse 4 points5 points ago

Brilliant, keep up the good work sir.

[–]IronGranny 10 points11 points ago

I feel the same way every year...

[–]mi_nombre_es_ricardo 10 points11 points ago

every year I buy the FIFA games, with the hope one day they will remember to put my name on it. It sucks that the people at EA are so clumsy.

[–]jakeg1116 3 points4 points ago

just play as Carvalho!

[–]Scotch_Carb 13 points14 points ago

I want to meet someone called Chad who isn't a massive douche.

[–]woot0 5 points6 points ago

I just realized every Chad I've met going all the way back to high school has been a massive douche.

[–]Scaasic 5 points6 points ago

This guy knows about the internet and that makes me like him.

[–]Sawdust_Prophet 8 points9 points ago

[–]dcLotus 12 points13 points ago

Chad is a real good dude....anybody who jumps to the conclusion that he isn't should follow him on twitter. He is very open and does plenty of good for his fans. I'm sure Evelyn, the "ho" he head butted, egged him on and blew shit out of proportion. Watch 2 minutes of basketball wives and you will see how nutty that crazy bitch is.

[–]Kohrs93 21 points22 points ago

I hate how everything is awkward now, wtf, kill this word already.

[–]RiseOne 30 points31 points ago

You mean kill the phrase because the word awkward isn't the problem, it's the phrase "that awkward moment when...". On my facebook yesterday I saw a status that said "that awkward moment when something awkward happens".

[–]littlefuckface 20 points21 points ago

At least it's accurate.

[–]AskYouEverything 2 points3 points ago

That's probably the best use of that phrase I've actually ever heard.

[–]DeaArthur 2 points3 points ago

My friend will be upset, he's a very big fan.

[–]amorris525 0 points1 point ago

Except he is in the game as a free agent.

[–]mediahunt 2 points3 points ago

T.O Feels his pain

[–]brizzol 0 points1 point ago

That's what happens when you're an asshole. I wish he would get his shit together, he is such an exciting guy to watch when he is on. He did great things here in cincy, I just think he let his ego take over.

[–]Ian1732 3 points4 points ago

John Madden John Madden John Madden

[–]daielquon 0 points1 point ago

Oh man, I used to like Ocho before he headbutted his wife. :( How far he's fallen, it saddens me.

[–]BipolarBear0 3 points4 points ago

He always seemed like such a nice guy, so it was really a shock to me.

[–]SirNarwhal 9 points10 points ago

It's a shock because it didn't happen. His wife headbutted him as the police found lacerations on her head, the result of her headbutting someone or something. Most likely she planted that receipt too. She's batshit insane and everyone BUT Chad has known this for years. Don't believe me? Go look up that stupid ass TV show she was on. Chad just didn't feel like fighting it and wanted the whole thing over with.

[–]BipolarBear0 7 points8 points ago

I believe you, it makes more sense. Everyone knows Evelyn is crazy... The sad thing is, this pretty much ruined his whole reputation.

[–]burneroftrees 1 point2 points ago

Now he knows how I feel...

[–]LieutenantTickles 0 points1 point ago

Ochocinco

[–]afterthebreak -1 points0 points ago

He was in my Madden..

[–]thecw -1 points0 points ago

As if he wouldn't know since every facet of the game is licensed

[–]cy1763 -1 points0 points ago

It's ok, TO is having the same issue.

[–]callmeRichard 1 point2 points ago

THey need to bring back the T. Ocho show. I never watched it but always liked the idea. Turn them into an NFL commentary show - let them rip on other WRs (who they can no longer keep up with).

[–]Writingwhileontoilet 1 point2 points ago

I don't like the guy, but this was a pretty awesome post if it was really him.

[–]EvilPicnic 1 point2 points ago

Man. I can sympathise.

[–]julesxavier 0 points1 point ago

1% problems

[–]Bueller711 0 points1 point ago

Haha i submitted that two hours ago not realizing you had already done it... could have been on the top page sigh

[–]KuffoKnight 1 point2 points ago

That awesome moment when you give yourself stats better than in real life?

[–]geek_in_a_suit 0 points1 point ago

Girls will be girls, even in animated form.

[–]technovideoarcade -1 points0 points ago

DLC.

[–]adavis2014 1 point2 points ago

I'll bet he gave himself straight 99's

[–]The0 0 points1 point ago

But he is there, he's just not named Ochocinco anymore.

[–]Cowleyrn 0 points1 point ago

OCHO CINCO STINKO

[–]FrostedCereal 0 points1 point ago

I don't know who this person is... But I bet it's hilarious.