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[–]Strawcrazyman 186 points187 points ago

I think porn should come with several audio tracks, so that you can disable or enable each one as you prefer. There would be a male track, a female track, and a narration track provided by Morgan Freeman.

[–]shannonjordan94 83 points84 points ago

Oh my god, I would watch the shit out of the Morgan Freeman track.

[–]Pyro_With_A_Lighter 126 points127 points ago

As the penis thrust into the vagina it reminded me of my days as a coal shoveller on a train when we'd go through a tunnel...

[–]psychroclasm 45 points46 points ago

I think the world would probably stop masturbating. You'd try, but you'd realize how insightful and relaxing Morgan's commentary is. Kids everywhere would be caught pants-less, but then the parents would start to watch, too. Suddenly all porn would be the equivalent of "March of the Penguins."

[–]IAmA_Zombie 10 points11 points ago

”After the male covers the female in his seed he leaves and so does everybody, else. That's it, the porns over.”

[–]silent_p 2 points3 points ago

And a couple of standard tracks, like Guile's theme, or Yakety Sax.

[–]Anaract 725 points726 points ago

But how are you going to know how much of a dirty fucking slut ohh yeahh she is, if he doesn't tell you?

[–]TheThingToSay 324 points325 points ago

She's getting pounded on camera for money...it speaks for itself.

[–]BrokenLink100 166 points167 points ago

Now now, don't start bringing logic into this, because then you start wondering why the plumber clearly has no idea what he's looking for, or how a "real" gynecologist doesn't seem to know how a PAP smear is performed.

[–]AmateurGynecologyst 150 points151 points ago

...I know how to preform a pap smear, I swear!

[–]BrokenLink100 51 points52 points ago

Oops... sorry, seems this sample got messed up... you'll have to... come back

[–]nerdcorerising 18 points19 points ago

I was expecting redditor for 2 hours. Hats off to you, this was quite the wait.

[–]Osiris32 73 points74 points ago

And a pizza guy should really know not to lay his junk on the pizza. I mean, that's clearly a violation of health codes.

[–]BrokenLink100 40 points41 points ago

It's a violation of no fewer than four... not to mention, who wants third-degree burns on their dick?

Not only that, the girl and her shower friends never did get their pizza, as they just casually tossed it aside... so they're still hungry! No one seems to care about how strange men showing up with pizza wrapped around their dicks are contributing to the first-world hunger problem.

[–]Klacksaft 16 points17 points ago

What kind of pizza gives third-degree burns? Maybe a first-degree burn if it's straight out of the oven, but third? No way

[–]BrokenLink100 9 points10 points ago

May have been a bit of hyperbole on my part. I'm certain it would feel like third-degree burns on such sensitive skin, and that's more or less what I was going for. Point taken!

[–]c0ur4ge 10 points11 points ago

Meine dispatcher says there's somezing wrong mit deine cable?

[–]Joshwee 7 points8 points ago

mit deinem Kabel. The preposition mit causes dein to take on the dative case, and since Kabel is neuter, the proper dative case ending is -em.

Sorry, I just had to do it >.<

[–]PORN_TITLE_RATER 36 points37 points ago

9/10

[–]duBiYou 14 points15 points ago

Actually the true way to know if the girl is getting dirty fucked is when you start to see her vains pop up on her neck and makeup smudging up from tears of sadness and regret. I usually backdown on these porns...

[–]JKR93 11 points12 points ago

How am I going to know if that's his best friends Mom, and that he wont be home for an hour?

[–]shannonjordan94 474 points475 points ago

As a woman, I feel like saying that to the girls.

Relevant NSFW

[–]stanfan114 458 points459 points ago

Asain porn: rapey screaming

Russian porn: drunk silence

Euro porn: happy fun time!

American porn: ANGER!

[–]eggrock 138 points139 points ago

Upvoting because you clearly know what time it is.

I'll add a subset to Euro porn:

German porn: risky click

[–]Azrael22 52 points53 points ago

The thing is, most "german porn" isn't german at all. It's mostly just some weird shit in a language I don't understand (I'm german).

[–]Daveyd325 28 points29 points ago

Whenever it is German porn, it's usually just slammed with "oh ja so geil. Mach weiter!"

[–]grein 42 points43 points ago

And if you're unlucky, someone will say "essen mein scheiße".

[–]pouncer11 9 points10 points ago

Google One Priest One Nun. All I got from it as an american was "ICH BIN LEEEBIN SCHELEEBIN"

[–]FancyMoustache 171 points172 points ago

Asain porn: rapey screaming

You forgot "sounding like a 12 year old being fucked by an old/fat/ugly dude".

[–]MSpainting 127 points128 points ago

And don't forget the crying.

[–]trollsconstantly 86 points87 points ago

The bigger the tears the harder i get

[–]ObliviousAmbiguity 57 points58 points ago

EeeEeeEeeEee Iee

My favorite part.

[–]Irrepressible_Monkey 42 points43 points ago

Yeah, it's like someone hitting a squeaky toy with a mallet.

[–]Jill4ChrisRed 22 points23 points ago

I love asians. But there's never EVER any attractive asian men in porn. They're all old and fat and ugly!!!

[–]Joymachine 12 points13 points ago

Keni Styles sex with Lexi Belle NSFW is pretty hot!

[–]rocknrollhikeskoo 31 points32 points ago

I'm replying for reasons that I won't admit on here.

I'm going to masturbate to this link later.

[–]creepig 33 points34 points ago

HE SAID HE'S GOING TO MASTURBATE TO THIS LINK LATER, GUYS.

[–]rocknrollhikeskoo 15 points16 points ago

Shut up!!!!!!

I'll find other things to masturbate to now!

[–]k3nnyd 32 points33 points ago

I've always wondered about Russian/Eastern European porn. I figured they don't talk because they want to sell the porn to Americans or other English speakers and there's no point in speaking Russian when nobody can understand it. So they tell them to remain silent and end up being mysterious and kinda weird. It's actually why I don't prefer porn from that region because I like to get an idea of the woman's personality and mindset from the things she says.

[–]ForcedToJoin 62 points63 points ago

Dat mindset!

[–]stillnotking 38 points39 points ago

I like to get an idea of the woman's personality and mindset from the things she says [in a porn clip]

Funniest shit I've seen on /r/funny today. I literally have tears in my eyes.

[–]wife_of_bmacnz 128 points129 points ago

Agreed - it's not that there are sounds, its how FAKE they are. I request better acting from my videos.

[–]trout45 39 points40 points ago

For what it's worth, I saw this porno several years ago and in that particular scene she is putting a penis roughly the size of my forearm into her butt.

The kind of woman that wouldn't make noise during such a feat...I'm not sure I'd want to meet her.

[–]InterwebCeleb 51 points52 points ago

But would you want to meat her?

...I'll let myself out.

[–]sbwdux 16 points17 points ago

OK, see ya

[–]fartuckyfartbandit 16 points17 points ago

Amateurs. Sometimes the overacting is what really gets me off. I'd like to cite someone like Ava Devine. Not particularly hot, besides her ass, there's really not a lot to write home about but she's managed to have a career that has spanned over a decade (she's 38 now) because of her raunchy mouth and willingness to fuck anyone (in one bangbros video, she admitted to going to a random adult stores with a very very old gay man, and told them she'd suck them off, if they would also let her gay friend do it... both charitable and sinister). Her screaming at the top of her lungs that "you're so fucking deep in my fucking cunt", yep she uses the word cunt a lot, or "use my throat like my fucking vagina and cum into it, make throat babies" really shows off her acting range. I don't particularly like all the overacting in porn, and really do like it when I see some true to art stuff, but once in a while, the screams and faked panting, and cursing are just devine. It's sort of like when you see Terry Crews in some of his roles really go over the top, that's what makes it good.

[–]V3RTiG0 117 points118 points ago

To be fair to Kiki, she does have a pretty big cock in her ass in that scene...

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 79 points80 points ago

And a Magic Delivery Service.

[–]mr_daemon 28 points29 points ago

I could have done with five more minutes before having an innocence-shattering mental picture planted by a stranger on the internets.

[–]berriesthatburn 6 points7 points ago

[–]Idiocracy_Cometh 0 points1 point ago

We need mental equivalent of eyebleach. Something that delivers mind-blanking shocks before mental picture settles.

Something new on /r/wtf (or, failing all, /r/spaceclop) works to some degree but the trade-off is having to find and remember a much worse but unrelated mental picture, and it might take a while until needed shock is found.

[–]Tejnin 83 points84 points ago

Thank you! I'm sorry men but even if it's hot, thrusting your dick between a girls titties does not make her moan like that... That's all porn acting. Biting them, now that's a different sorry

[–]REDDIT_HARD_MODE 29 points30 points ago

I have to agree, this kills it for me so damn much. Girl performing oral but moaning wrecks the entire scene.

[–]h4ppydaze 30 points31 points ago

Sometimes women get very horny while giving head and moan. This is a thing.

[–]great_gape 2 points3 points ago

Ya it helps with the blow job, its called a hummer.

[–]triggdev 11 points12 points ago

As a man, I agree. That shit is annoying.

I prefer the subtle moans and deep breathing.

[–]DrDragun 8 points9 points ago

I love me some Asa Akira but I listen to that shit with the volume off even when I have the house to myself.

[–]CombatSmurf 3 points4 points ago

I find her to be quite convincing albeit noisy :p

[–]TheClayroo 27 points28 points ago

I hate when you can tell they're faking an orgasm. Bad actresses are bad actresses.

[–]pomegranati 6 points7 points ago

don't forget the hissing. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSss FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK MMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY TTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTT PPPPPPUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSYYYYYYYYYYY SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Bitch please, your pussy hasn't been tight since you've left your mom's vagina.

[–]fco83 12 points13 points ago

As a guy i agree. Some is good. But being incredibly fake is another.

guy touches girl

instant orgasm

[–]Ottoblock 21 points22 points ago

Do the "made for women" pornos have lots of female noises? I've never had the heart to watch any of em.

[–]Norwegian__Blue 90 points91 points ago

Sometimes. A lot are actually silent or have some instrumental music. I want more man grunts, myself

[–]gilleti 100 points101 points ago

Amen, sister! More man grunts!

[–]MorsoesTorso 37 points38 points ago

Here you go. [SFW]

[–]hotspringshotel 32 points33 points ago

[–]Norwegian__Blue 4 points5 points ago

Freakin' hot

[–]girlinboots 20 points21 points ago

And less vag/ass shots. I know what's going on down there; I want to see how much they're enjoying it.

[–]UNHDude 32 points33 points ago

As a gay guy who enjoys straight porn, I agree.

It seems to me like in most porn the women are REALLY loud, and the men hardly make any noise. Or maybe they're making a lot of noise and I just can't hear it over the shrieking.

[–]pay4abortion 9 points10 points ago

THANK YOU, yes.

[–]maril_mad 18 points19 points ago

My friend and I were actually saying that there weren't enough pornos ''made for women''.

And our coworker overhearing our conversation declared ''It's a conspiracy to keep women in the kitchen.''

Seems legit.

[–]ISeeYouuu 12 points13 points ago

-The Art of Sex

-James Deen in "The Babysitter"

It will change your super happy fun tiem.

[–]hotspringshotel 7 points8 points ago

Check out these NSFW subs: /r/passionx and /r/chickflixxx

Also: search for Passion HD, X-Art, or DaneJones on any porn tube site.

[–]Throwaway281281 37 points38 points ago

To be honest I love the noises the women make, I don't get off when it's on mute

[–]Zaiton 60 points61 points ago

Just moans are good. When they start going "Oh god" and anything involving god then it just becomes annoying.

[–]Nizzler 30 points31 points ago

amen.

[–]yakityyakblah 27 points28 points ago

Porn atheists unite!

[–]moralnihilist 8 points9 points ago

Or when they have a really high-pitched scream and they just go "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" the whole time.

[–]jooes 49 points50 points ago

As a man, I feel like saying it to everybody!

But seriously, let's be honest here, it is usually the girls who fuck it up, not the guys... The guys are almost always quiet, they mind their own business. The girls are the ones who make most of the noise, and they are the ones who are usually annoying.

Like, I saw a porno once and there was this girl and literally every single thing the guy did to her, she would say "Oh yeah, just like that!". She had a 50 "just like that!" per minute count, I swear! It was such a boner killer. Not every single thing a guy can do to you can satisfy you just perfectly, some stuff has to be "just okay". I wish I could remember the scene just because of how bad it was.

There are tons of girls who practically scream at the top of their lungs the second the guy even touches her. As if her vagina is just going to explode because the guy is touching her inner thigh... Ridiculous...

And don't forget the "turkey blowjobs". Any pornstar who makes annoying "gobble" sounds when she's sucking a dick deserves to get punched in the face right then and there. Or at least severely ass fucked, whatever works. Who actually likes that shit?

By the way, when they take the dick out of their mouth and slap their face with it, does that seriously do anything for anybody?

I also hate the moaning during blowjobs. Some minor moaning, okay whatever... But some girls over do that shit too. You're only sucking a dick, chill out. You're not getting eaten out by Jesus...

And any girl who says "Let me taste my ass juices" should be fired. There is not a single thing that's right about that phrase... That is quite possibly the least sexiest thing a girl could possibly say...

[–]moralnihilist 22 points23 points ago

Don't forget how they think spitting on someone's genitals is sexually arousing.

[–]wickedtim 10 points11 points ago

Well you have to consider the women who actually enjoy giving blowjobs, (not many) but some women moan in satisfaction. It's not really a pleasure thing. It's more of a "penis is my favorite flavor of Popsicle" thing.

[–]jooes 3 points4 points ago

That's kind of why I said that some moaning was not that big of a deal.

But some of them way over do it. It can't be that satisfying or pleasurable, is what I'm saying. There's no way that a dick is like the "filet mignon" of dicks. Even the best dick in the world is like a Big Mac, at best. Well, I'm assuming. I've never sucked a dick before. (But maybe I should start, because apparently they're quite amazing)

I guess, using your "Popsicle" comparison, these girls that I'm talking about treat the penis like it's a Popsicle and they've spent the last 30 days in the middle of the Sahara desert with absolutely no water or food.

[–]whatwatwhutwut 5 points6 points ago

She looks terrified.

[–]FancyMoustache 0 points1 point ago

HOLY FUCK KYLEE STRUTT.

[–]StRoslyn 2 points3 points ago

Right? Don't guys hate the very fake "fuck my tiny tight pussy, oh oh oh", how can someone like that?

[–]kurtozan251 0 points1 point ago

I always eat cereal while watching people have anal sex.

[–]aem00 77 points78 points ago

what about gay porn? it would be pretty awkward then

[–]NinnyMuffins 126 points127 points ago

Total Silent Ass Pounding 4. Brought to you by the makers of Total Silent Ass Pounding 1-3.

[–]scratchfury 71 points72 points ago

TSA Pounding 5: Up in the Air

[–]karnim 16 points17 points ago

Despite how much you may not want to know, there are certainly gay porn movies based on the TSA.

The more you know.

[–]TerracottaSoldier 32 points33 points ago

I hate when it gets to the guy on guy part of bisexual porn and she still wont shut up. THEY'RE NOT EVEN TOUCHING YOU, BITCH!

[–]bunsofcheese 12 points13 points ago

not really.

it all sounds terribly, um, practised to me - especially when it's some "gay for pay" fellow who's really not into it.

more grunting, less wooden delivery - that would be nice.

[–]aem00 6 points7 points ago

i don't watch porn for the acting

[–]darthricardo 30 points31 points ago

Yeah, you watch it for the wooden delivery.

...I'll show myself out.

[–]ObliviousAmbiguity 4 points5 points ago

As a straight man, I would definitely watch gay porn with Johnny Depp and Jeoseph Gordon-Levitt solely for the acting.

[–]karnim 4 points5 points ago

As a gay man, I would definitely watch gay porn with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Any time.

[–]ObliviousAmbiguity 2 points3 points ago

excited squeak Let's watch it together

[–]elbruce 10 points11 points ago

Mime Slammers 7 - Marcel Does Paris manages to pull it off pretty well.

[–]Spongebob1255 120 points121 points ago

I feel like Skyler White would have made more of an impression. Fuck it. Upvote.

[–]NwsAt11 114 points115 points ago

[–]cmilla 66 points67 points ago

Is there a single likeable woman in this show besides maybe Saul's secretary?

[–]SullyZero 120 points121 points ago

I've kind of grown to like Marie. Even if she doesn't know about minerals.

[–]baibars 40 points41 points ago

Jesus Christ.

[–]hansthecleverhorse 50 points51 points ago

[–]bigsz 5 points6 points ago

But she wants to eat Holly...

[–]shadowslayer978 24 points25 points ago

Jesse's girlfriends.

[–]ForcedToJoin 14 points15 points ago

The junkie chick who died. I think I liked her a bit too much. Though, no enough to remember her name, clearly...

[–]keepitrandom 11 points12 points ago

Jane

[–]ForcedToJoin 2 points3 points ago

Me Tarzan.

[–]JesusofBorg 2 points3 points ago

I just call her Q's Daughter.

[–]jmorlin 2 points3 points ago

Jane was likable initially. Not so much after she started using. Andrea is kinda neutral in my book.

[–]anne_frank_porno 7 points8 points ago

I think a lot of people like Lydia. She's one of the easier characters to empathize with it seems. I'm interested to see how she'll fit into the story later in the season, considering what happened in Sunday's episode.

[–]angry_m1nnow 35 points36 points ago

I don't know why everyone hates Skyler so much. When you look at what Walt has put the family through, most of her actions seem completely justified.

[–]The51stState 12 points13 points ago

I think it's because she has never been through a situation like that so her actions seem to come off as hesitant and she's got no idea what she's doing and thus looks dumb. That, combined with the exceptional acting, makes her seem like a dumb broad trying to fuck him over.

[–]N69sZelda 3 points4 points ago

and she fucked her boss...

[–]Greyletter 10 points11 points ago

Her actions are justified. She just goes about everything in the bitchiest manner possible.

[–]A_Flying_Toe 1 point2 points ago

Really, with Skyler, it's not that people intrinsically hate her character; it's that her main role is to derail, guilt, and bully the protagonist (Walt), which generally works fine in the case of most shows, i.e. those with a clear-cut antagonist. Since she's his wife, though, and the mother of his children, Walt hitting her in the face with a hammer and killing her isn't necessarily a viable option--definitely not something he, as a protagonist, can later remedy.

So I guess it's that Skyler puts Walt in a position of inevitable defeat, which, time and time again, occurs. It's almost like the audience, along with Walt, feel guilt-tripped by her character, giving us a feeling of isolation and a total lack of freedom.

Everytime we get a victory in the show, she ruins it by reminding us, like some police PSA, that our actions are wrong and that we are bad. No audience wants to feel that way. And if they do, like they may have with Gus or any of the other antagonists, Walt got rid of them and we cheered when they died. I doubt that will happen with Skyler.

TL; DR Skyler's a bitch and she should feel like a bitch.

[–]simkessy 22 points23 points ago

Nope. Fuck her.

[–]Irenses 13 points14 points ago

I'm honestly curious why people don't like her. I went through 4 seasons before hearing that a lot of people don't like her character, can anyone shed some light on this?

[–]Inamanlyfashion 9 points10 points ago

The show makes it pretty clear she was a fairly horrible person well before Walter started cooking meth.

Plus, smoking while pregnant. Fuck her.

[–]ForcedToJoin 2 points3 points ago

Because we're rooting for Walt, a-duuuuuh. Anyone in his way is automatically an asshole, a no one is more consistently in his way than Skylar.

[–]blank_generation 0 points1 point ago

Because she has the nerve to occasionally defy her psychotic, murdering, manipulative, lying, drug cooking, emotionally abusive husband. And also she's a woman. It's funny how many people really don't understand this show at all, and actually think that Walter is supposed to be the good guy.

[–]muhfuhkuh 8 points9 points ago

Jesse's ex-girlfriend wasn't Lori Grimes from The Walking Dead level annoying. That's gotta count for something.

[–]The51stState 21 points22 points ago

Yeah, but right before she died though? When she was talking as if her and Jesse had made all that money together? I wanted to strangle her... I actually jumped up and cheered when she OD'd

[–]Paradox 5 points6 points ago

Same here

"We made that money baby, and he's got no right to keep it from you" umm…you didn't lift a finger to get it you money-grubbing whore

[–]welchblvd 3 points4 points ago

Have you not heard? We're suppose to like Skylar now?

[–]kihadat 0 points1 point ago

Is there a single likeable person on that show? They are all egotistical jerks (especially the DEA), murderous drug dealers or money launderers. Everyone is a sleazebag on that show.

[–]CauseItsTrue 11 points12 points ago

I pray and hope she gets her head blown off the show asap

[–]heylookitsmykel 9 points10 points ago

Well done, you have created another Breaking Bad forum.

[–]Kyle_Crafty 21 points22 points ago

This picture can apply to the BLATANTLY fake moaning of that ONE girl in the corner.

[–]muhfuhkuh 95 points96 points ago

What, you don't wanna hear a deep manly scream of "AWW YEAH DROPPIN' LOADS ON YOUR WET CUNT" while you're fapping? That doesn't turn the crank for you?

[–]esoteric416 17 points18 points ago

I HATE THAT GUY! I have actually stopped fapping cause he turned me off so fast.

[–]rpoliact 3 points4 points ago

What in the world is that from?

[–]creepig 2 points3 points ago

Lemon Whores, man. Get with the times.

[–]sammwwise 57 points58 points ago

I have to say it really isn't just a guy or girl thing. It's just these contrived noises that they think they should be making that just come off as repulsive.

Ladies of porn. You don't need to scream to the heavens that you have a dick in you. Just make your natural noises that you would make when you're normally fucking and that's fine.

Guys of porn. Quit sounding so creepy. Girls watch porn too so it's cool if you make noise. Just don't sound so god damn repugnant when you do. You also don't need to talk so much about your big cock or whatever. It's just disturbing.

Porn needs to be more genuine, not so over the top.

[–]HotwaxNinjaPanther 19 points20 points ago

Honestly, what's wrong with heavy breathing? Why do they have to go straight to screaming like a peacock and shouting inane sentences that nobody cares about?

And while we're at it, why do there always have to be so many throat-gagging blowjobs happening all the time? How are those gagging sounds attractive? Does anyone else get the urge to vomit when they see all the spit and mucous dripping off in wet strings when they pull their dicks out? Everything about those scenes is just beyond disgusting and unpleasant.

[–]psychroclasm 18 points19 points ago

"I love your cock! Watch me ugggch! I can take it auuuucheghch!" And then she's got tears streaming down her face. Just... no.

[–]theamazingape 0 points1 point ago

Who are you talking to? You know no porn stars are reading your comment right?

[–]HotwaxNinjaPanther 3 points4 points ago

I'm sure there's a bored teenager out there aspiring to be one. They're bored, browsing through reddit, looking at their dwindling summer and thinking about their futures. There's a school year coming up and they're thinking to themselves "soon I'm going to have to find a way to afford college. I certainly can't pay for $100k in tuition with a job at starbucks. I could sell drugs... nah, too risky. What if I went into porn... that's a great idea!" and then they'll be grazing through this thread and they'll read my comment and it will inspire them. This new generation has many great things to learn from ours and when they rise up to fill the shoes of our current porn stars, they will be wiser and more in-tune with the true wants and needs of society's high-class wankers.

[–]Gobsbackwardscopwalk 130 points131 points ago

You know, girls watch porn too. I like hearing a dude getting all flustered while he's fucking. I wish the girls would shut the fuck up. Especially the Asian ones, I can't even watch that. "EEEEEE! EEEEE!!"

[–]elbruce 49 points50 points ago

Yeah, the Asian squeaking is annoying. I also hate the European nasal "aww, aww, aww" just about as much

[–]soojet 65 points66 points ago

The only thing worse are the guys who stare into the camera at you...

[–]berriesthatburn 16 points17 points ago

breakin the fourth wall. in porn, that's as big a no-no as making eye contact while eating a banana.

[–]DaJoW 10 points11 points ago

That you can ignore, but closeups of the guys ass, or switching to show the guys face and nothing else... Staring at my dishes while fapping is not something I want to do. Swedish stuff is the worst, since there's like 1 director and he loves cutting to the guys face mid-moneyshot.

[–]mrmackdaddy 18 points19 points ago

I hate the between the leg shot where all you can see is the guy's flopping sack more.

[–]PJandDuncan 38 points39 points ago

The talking I can handle, but for Gods sake man take your socks off!

[–]xnerdyxrealistx 2 points3 points ago

But they're so cozy!

[–]bitch_im_a_lion 1 point2 points ago

Some people are into that. Usually only with long leggings, but still.

[–]Shuko 67 points68 points ago

How am I supposed to enjoy porn if I don't get to hear the man's voice? :( Straight women like porn too, dammit.

[–]maril_mad 14 points15 points ago

I agree. If I'd want no man sounds, I'd watch chick masturbation vids.

But then again, most porn I watch doesn't even involve coitus. lol

[–]xnerdyxrealistx 19 points20 points ago

I once masturbated to the Shopping Network girl's hands while she was showing off jewelry.

[–]AlisonCreates 157 points158 points ago

Porn isn't just for men. If he has to shut up, the dumb broad has to shut her trap too. Annoying as fuck.

[–]Gatetrekgirl 88 points89 points ago

I don't know if other women who watch porn feel the same, but when I hear a guy moaning in pleasure (not over the top) it turns me on so much more. I like when I can actually tell the guy is enjoying it and feeling good.

[–]rileyrulesu 34 points35 points ago

Unfortunately, it's a major boner kill for straight guys.

[–]lousku 54 points55 points ago

Nobody cares what you want as a straight guy.

[–]LessLikeYou 27 points28 points ago

I mute it anyway so...yeah. I really don't want to hear either of the people involved...unless it is Sasha. I'll listen to Sasha gag on a dick like it is a sonata.

The women are too fucking loud and cannot mask the fact that they are faking. The men all sound like fucking goons and they often look the part.

Easy access to porn has really made me a snob.

[–]jamesf797 6 points7 points ago

Yeah, that Sasha is a real minx.

[–]fco83 6 points7 points ago

Both should just shut up as far as fake stuff goes. Actual sex sounds... fine. But 90% of it is extremely obviously fake... unless pornstars happen to all be given the ability to get off as soon as theyre touched.

[–]TheArgo 37 points38 points ago

What if I told you, not just straight men watch porn.

[–]alickstee 17 points18 points ago

As a woman, I was hoping this would be something about never, ever grabbing a woman's head while she's preforming oral. I hate seeing it in porn and I really hate it when the guy I'm with attempts it (I realise I do not speak for all women).

[–]fco83 13 points14 points ago

As a guy i agree to an extent. I don't get the gagging thing. It seems to defeat the point of a good blowjob anyways (tight, suction). Plus i'm not really into seeing the girl obviously not enjoy it (the best bjs -and therefore bj videos- are the ones where she's into it)

If you just want a hole to pound, her mouth is not the way to go. I wonder how many first timers have tried that on a girl (having only seen it in porn)

That said, a little light grabbing of her head is fine by me... it can be a good way of communicating how fast or slow you want it.

[–]SheStillMay 12 points13 points ago

As a female: NO

[–]Nummy_Naan 30 points31 points ago

Maybe women want to hear the man...? Porn isn't just for you guys, you know.

[–]learntofart 7 points8 points ago

I'm a guy and I even appreciate some speech from the guys, but with a strong emphasis on some. It has to be enjoyable, right? Actually, from both sides. I don't need to hear "yeah, you're a dirty fucking whore," seventeen times in 2 minutes as much as I don't need "you like fucking my dirty fucking pussy?" an equal amount of times. Once or twice will establish the motive just fine.

[–]disemvowel 10 points11 points ago

As a female who occasionally watches porn, I think there's too much time spent on blow jobs. I enjoy blow jobs in my real sex life, but watching someone give a blow job does nothing for me.

[–]NextName 1 point2 points ago

Most men would agree with you. In a given 30-minute video, I'll generally skip to the ~10-15-minute mark as that's where the poundin' starts happenin'.

[–]ms_marlowe 7 points8 points ago

i normally agree with that, but james deen makes really sexy noises. not too much, but just enough to make you feel like he's really diggin' it.

[–]sewnangel 15 points16 points ago

Well, maybe chicks dig it! Some girls watch porn too, sir.

[–]Chewsti 0 points1 point ago

What if I told you,

that girls watch porn to?

[–]goofball_jones 11 points12 points ago

I'm currently working on a company that will digitally remove the man from every porno movie. All that we'll leave in is his disembodied penis...which seems to be the only part of the guy that men want to see in a porno.

Don't want to see his face? check

Don't want to hear him? check

Don't want to see his ballsack or the rest of his body? check

From my findings, 99.99% of all men just watch porn for the women, and how they take a penis and then the penis spraying on their faces. That's all they ever want to see. They do NOT want to see a couple having sex at all, they just want to see the woman. But I've also found that 99.99% of these men are idiots as they could easily just watch lesbian and/or woman masturbation porn. No, they don't want that. They want a real, live penis interacting with the women...but ONLY the penis.

Therefore, my company should make millions as it totally gets rid of the entire man except for the one part that every guy wants to see: the man's dick.

[–]Blaster395 0 points1 point ago

That's all they ever want to see. They do NOT want to see a couple having sex at all, they just want to see the woman. But I've also found that 99.99% of these men are idiots as they could easily just watch lesbian and/or woman masturbation porn. No, they don't want that. They want a real, live penis interacting with the women...but ONLY the penis.

Clearly nobody has ever heard of a strap-on.

[–]Porselein 16 points17 points ago

See, again, us women will think the women should put a sock in it and the men should go all out.

[–]TurnUpTheDaft 11 points12 points ago

Not to be offensive or anything, but does Daniel Radcliffe have parkinsons or something similiar? Seeing this gif, and thinking back to his performances, Ive noticed his gait sometimes seemed off, and his sort of twitchy head movements.

[–]DrMadFellow[S] 22 points23 points ago

Actually he has a coordination disorder known as dyspraxia, true story http://www.medindia.net/news/Harry-Potter-Movie-Actor-Daniel-Radcliffe-Suffers-from-Dyspraxia-40716-1.htm

[–]Hepatat 11 points12 points ago

It doesn't help when 90% of the video is a blow job and all you hear is his moans and screams

[–]whypurple 8 points9 points ago

I don't like the grunting....it sounds weird. But a good ol fashion "Take it like a dirty bitch" never hurt anybody

[–]NPHisKing 11 points12 points ago

Except sometimes, the dirty bitch

[–]whypurple 2 points3 points ago

Well, if the mood strikes and she's asking for it.....

[–]greyvangelist 6 points7 points ago

But he has to keep asking her if she likes it. By evaluating that every few seconds, he's keeping her best interests in mind.

[–]Sinnocent 5 points6 points ago

Says a man...

As a woman, I say: Dear men in porno - MORE! MOAN! MAKE NOISE! Dear women in porno - FFS, STFU!

[–]Billz2me 6 points7 points ago

the amount of grain in this gif is too damn high

[–]MFchimichanga 5 points6 points ago

I hate when it's getting good then the camera man zooms in in his fucking balls. What. The. Fuck.

[–]BerryBadrenath 5 points6 points ago

I don't know what is worse, this, or the camera guy who thinks the money angle us from directly under the guys balls. Who the fuck wants to see that?

[–]ISeeYouuu 3 points4 points ago

People who want to see that.

[–]dabork 4 points5 points ago

I can't be the only one who watches porn on mute with music in the background. I've never seen a "professional" pornstar (male OR female) that didn't ruin the entire thing with their horrid theatrics.

Amateur porn isn't much better because often times they try to IMITATE the shitty acting you find in professional porn.

[–]dirice87 6 points7 points ago

Mr Camera man, I know the actor's huge dong intimidates you, and you're desperately trying to impress/connect/get a reaction out of the girl because you feel inadequate since you'll never fuck her, but please stop talking and dear god don't randomly stick your finger into orifices in the middle of the scene. Its the creepiest shit ever

[–]chamalama 4 points5 points ago

Q: So men want to watch other people fucking while they fap, but...want to pretend there is no man part of the hetero act? or they want to pretend it is them and the other mans' voice reminds them they are very, very alone? edit: as a lady, I fap to the sounds of the ocean tides with a lavender candle gently caressing my nasal passages. No other external stimulation required, which is why I'm asking.

[–]dangerous_beans 17 points18 points ago

I'm still trying to get over the mental image of you fucking yourself in the nose with a candle.

[–]fco83 1 point2 points ago

I think most guys put themselves in the place of the guy. So while the dick isn't bad, the guy's voice gets in the way of the fantasy.

[–]suicidedream 0 points1 point ago

This is why I mute it even if I am alone in the house.

[–]bunsofcheese 2 points3 points ago

Straight porno.

Gay porno...actually, ya, shut up too. Seriously - someone used a line on me in bed that he had clearly heard in a porno and I actually went into a giggle fit.

totally ruined the moment I guess...

[–]MellowMelon 1 point2 points ago

Unless it's gay porn... then knock yourself out.

[–]HiImTed 0 points1 point ago

No kidding. I also hate when I'm getting there, and then they switch to a view of the guy making his O face. I don't give a fuck about that! In fact, just put a black backdrop in the scene, have the dude dress in all black, and just have his wiener sticking out, making no comments or sounds or moans. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

[–]thediscobison 0 points1 point ago

I know the porn dialogue/sounds are ridiculous, but if they made no sound it would be eerie. If I had sex with someone and they made no sound I would just stop and leave, and apologize for wasting their time.

[–]destructormuffin 0 points1 point ago

Unless it's a gay porn! In which case keep it comin'!

[–]Rule_32 1 point2 points ago

And half the women...

[–]RobertJ93 2 points3 points ago

Ughjj mmm ughhh ohh yeah. Fuck fuck. Yeah I'm gonna cum. Turn around.

camera zooms on mans face.

[–]helloalicehello 0 points1 point ago

This also goes for every woman to ever star in a porno... ever;