this post was submitted on
1,353 points (56% like it)
5,889 up votes 4,536 down votes

funny

subscribe2,430,132 readers

6,985 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 98 comments

[–]Danzo-Is-The-Best 101 points102 points ago

Next time I drink, I'm going to stare right at that bottle, let it know who's in charge of this joint. Yeah. You heard right.

[–]nmpraveen 50 points51 points ago

SAY MY NAME..

[–]Immynimmy 114 points115 points ago

Heisenberg

[–]KamenRiderJ 31 points32 points ago

WARNING: immacum posted Breaking Bad Spoilers

[–]Zetaphor 5 points6 points ago

I didn't see it until I clicked his username, and there it was in his recent comments. Be warned everyone, it's a doozy.

[–]KamenRiderJ 0 points1 point ago

i only put a link there in case he deleted his comment. Always hover mouse before clicking a link.

[–]Zetaphor 1 point2 points ago

No worries, just finished the episode and was still satisfied even with the spoiler. Good looking out though.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]jewchbag 21 points22 points ago

You. You are the scum of the internet.

[–]jctullius 1 point2 points ago

What did he say?!

[–]jewchbag 1 point2 points ago

A Breaking Bad spoiler

[–]God_Of_Oreos 0 points1 point ago

WARNING, ANOTHER BREAKING BAD SPOILER BELOW

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]bitcheslovedroids 11 points12 points ago

there's a special place in hell for people like you

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]DammitJosh 9 points10 points ago

Yeah! Call em' fags! That will show em'! And then Threaten them with your over-the-keyboard Masculinity! They're really scared now!

[–]syonxwf 3 points4 points ago

I work out so hard and will drop any redditor on the floor any time any day. Fags.

Until one of them is carrying a gun, then I think we'll be seeing someone else drop to the floor.

[–]hot_skillet 2 points3 points ago

you sir are a wild man , i like your style , lunch 2morrow?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]IMadeThisforMineZ 8 points9 points ago

You got a sore ass? I also doubt you could drop a 14 year old kid, considering your some A. Fat ass who tries to be cool on the internet because he wants friends. B. Nerd who's got no muscle and you're just typing insults to people you will never see in your life.

Sorry if I offended anyone, people like this guy piss me off.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]IMadeThisforMineZ 12 points13 points ago

....Seriously that is some crappy trolling right there.

[–]thenewiBall -3 points-2 points ago

Yolo 4 life mofo you wanna get your juice on sum tim? Hit me up bro I could drop your ass

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]mar210000 8 points9 points ago

!XOBILE

[–]mistermegusta69 6 points7 points ago

Poland Springs

[–]eric-tile 0 points1 point ago

[–]robopilgrim 37 points38 points ago

I can't help but notice that label's on upside-down.

[–]Nitro187 36 points37 points ago

[–]robopilgrim 6 points7 points ago

Much better.

[–]phoebus67 3 points4 points ago

It's just Australian water is all.

[–]SavagePenguin 19 points20 points ago

Imagine drinking apple juice.

[–]RedTiger013 33 points34 points ago

Fapple juice.

[–]wintrparkgrl 15 points16 points ago

some gushing granny?

[–]awesomereece123 20 points21 points ago

Hitler Did Nothing Wrong.

[–]FishBonePendant 1 point2 points ago

Dew you feel me Brian?

[–]FenrirIII -5 points-4 points ago

What about YooHoo?

[–]carter2791 14 points15 points ago

When I was younger I treated my water bottles as if they had life. The water contained inside of them was what kept them alive, but I also needed water to keep myself hydrated, so when I drank from the bottles I used to get really sad, knowing I'm killing this water bottle but I did really need it, so when I was younger my habit was to always leave about 10-15% of the water in the bottom of the bottle when i was finished, poor water bottles.

[–]witty_account_name 4 points5 points ago

It must have driven your parents wild to find all those partial drunk water bottles around the house

[–]KuDeGraw 2 points3 points ago

Signs?

[–]carter2791 0 points1 point ago

Seen that film a few times but never knew why the little girl did that? Any idea?

[–]Jkrew 1 point2 points ago

I think I remember her saying they were dirty. Probably the beginning of OCD.

[–]NegativeK 0 points1 point ago

Most likely reason? Because it was a crappy movie.

Alternatively, some people think water tastes stale after it sits out a bit. I've heard this attributed to the dissolved air coming out and the taste being an evolutionary response to stagnant water, but that may all be bullshit and I may have heard it from myself years and years ago.

I still think it was because the movie was crap.

[–]carter2791 0 points1 point ago

Well you used a few long words so it must be true.

[–]KuDeGraw 0 points1 point ago

History channel meme "Aliens"

[–]carter2791 1 point2 points ago

Never talk about it much now I'm older so wasn't sure how she reacted all the time, but I can imagine she was pissed, even now if she sees a crumb on my floor she will spring clean. But I have many habits that she tries to tolerate, none of them she does.

[–]Swag_Turtle 14 points15 points ago

Kidding me?

I'm SUPER thirsty now.

[–]Tom_the_Pirat3 18 points19 points ago

Well I'm only drinking from a cup from now on....

[–]SolomonGomes 33 points34 points ago

You sick freak!

[–]witty_account_name 4 points5 points ago

If you drink from a shot glass, your next boyfriend is going to have the awkward distinction of explaining that that isn't normal

[–]IslandGreetings 0 points1 point ago

Too much time on reddit?

[–]ClockStalker 1 point2 points ago

/u/IslandGreetings: Analyzing 418 comments and submissions over the last 274 days

Hypothesized location: Central North America

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so

[–]IslandGreetings 0 points1 point ago

One hour off but close enough I think.

[–]TheSwedishSousChef 3 points4 points ago

That's how Two Girl got started.

[–]Geotis 1 point2 points ago

As my father use to say, if it doesn't have a handle on it, don't drink from it.

[–]aluminumfalcon 2 points3 points ago

This idea could be used for quit smoking ads.

[–]N8CCRG 5 points6 points ago

This makes me want a bottle that actually has that face and dangley legs like that.

[–]thatssorelevant 2 points3 points ago

suddenly... I'm parched.

[–]thatssorelevant 2 points3 points ago

I feel like I've been sucked dry.

[–]MuffnCabbage 2 points3 points ago

Reminded me of this

[–]AdamSnipeySnipe 0 points1 point ago

Why is the water label upside down?

[–]ImAbitWeird 6 points7 points ago

Mmmm... I'm gonna drink you nice and slow.

[–]amishius 2 points3 points ago

I'm gonna make it so dry for you.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]cassybat -1 points0 points ago

shut the fuck up

[–]snevriden 1 point2 points ago

Well, I suppose glasses is the way to go

[–]trro16p 1 point2 points ago

imagine if it was a bottle of milk.

[–]RidiculousIncarnate 1 point2 points ago

Five sixteen oz water bottles and two huge powerade bottles on my desk right now, all empty.

I... I think I'm a whore.

EDIT: Scratch that, three of the huge powerade bottles. I've got a problem.

[–]witty_account_name 1 point2 points ago

Oh my! Powerade bottles are so BIG! I don't think I'd be able to drink the whole thing all at once.

[–]fujsian360 0 points1 point ago

Inside a FAPPER's mind

[–]Ghooble 0 points1 point ago

Ah. The old steal it from Rule 34 trick. I can tell by the pixels.

[–]Crazyants 0 points1 point ago

Just the tip

[–]Lefty07 0 points1 point ago

rule 34..

[–]cloral 0 points1 point ago

Yet another argument against bottled water.

[–]5ft11flip 1 point2 points ago

This reminds me of an old 4chan post about a chick running with a guy and then sexual actions follow. Can anyone find that post?

[–]thatlittleginger 4 points5 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/YnRX5.png

I came here to post this.

[–]iPeeLavaLampGoo 0 points1 point ago

It makes sense. When you turn it that way all the water rushes to the nozzle...

[–]Id_fuck_me_hard -1 points0 points ago

I was just drinking a bottle of water while looking at this and spit it up all over my laptop

[–]arrisonwondurland -1 points0 points ago

I actually heard recently that bottled water is slightly contaminated because of the plastic, and when left in hot places is very bad for you.

[–]witty_account_name 0 points1 point ago

"Suck me dry!"

[–]one-eleven 0 points1 point ago

Oh god, it was not a good idea to look at that picture while I was in the middle of sucking cock.

[–]ROYAL_CHAIR_FORCE 0 points1 point ago

[–]bullfroggin 0 points1 point ago

Nah, I still am.

[–]ricki142 0 points1 point ago

Kidding me.

[–]Peanutbutterlobster 0 points1 point ago

Explains why I choke on water when there's too much in my mouth

[–]LarsOfNorway 0 points1 point ago

Man, I gave so many BJs this last week.....

[–]Asiansensationz 0 points1 point ago

Now I have to get cups... :(

[–]phoebus67 1 point2 points ago

MAKES ME EVEN MORE THIRSTY

[–]cutelilcarly 0 points1 point ago

Same...

[–]switzx 0 points1 point ago

Dammit! Now I can't drink my water bottle I just filled up. :/

[–]MLP-FTW 0 points1 point ago

Someone put this on waterporn.

[–]joeshrimp11 0 points1 point ago

Thank you, sir, for making me never want to drink anything ever again. Now I'm off to die of dehydration.

[–]moogoesthecat 0 points1 point ago

If your water bottle has legs, don't drink that shit.

[–]reversepsychosis 0 points1 point ago

I can't stop staring at my water bottle now. I've reused it a few times. o_o

[–]numpad -1 points0 points ago

I hate you... Now I cant finish my Coke.

[–]coronawithlime 0 points1 point ago

there is some left??!!! where?!?!?!?! show me! now!! ahhhhhhh

[–]dont_press_ctrl-W 0 points1 point ago

Pour it in a cup.

[–]TocallRetal -2 points-1 points ago

Why... WHY!?

[–]doodiewizard -2 points-1 points ago

you.... you scum.

[–]831_you -1 points0 points ago

CAN NOT UNSEE

[–]chuperamigo 0 points1 point ago

Jack it off and make a fountain.

[–]alz1307 -1 points0 points ago

i sadly was drinking a water bottle as i saw this.... :(