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top 200 commentsshow all 245

[–]JoshTheDerp 248 points249 points ago

I don't always run into hot girls in public, but when I do, I look like shit.

[–]Matt08642 78 points79 points ago

Seriously, the first time I met a girl I had a crush on was on the way back from a friends place. In the middle of August. Unshowered. With beer/vomit breath...

[–]JoshTheDerp 30 points31 points ago

condolence, man.

[–]jettrscga 21 points22 points ago

Good plan, lower the bar like hell and then you can only go up from there.

The next day you'd look like a god.

[–]smokingbluntsallday 29 points30 points ago

The only problem is that there has to be a next day...

[–]str0le 4 points5 points ago

I don't think it works like that..

[–]Kakoose 1 point2 points ago

Or a retard with beer breath

[–]MapleToothpick -3 points-2 points ago

Just started going to a new school... Haven't shaved in a couple weeks and my razor is in a box on it's way here... So many attractive girls that I don't want to scare away with my unkempt facial hair.

Plus, my facial hair doesn't grow in very full at this point, so I just have a lot of long stubble as opposed to a full-beard that a full-grown man would have at this point.

[–]fly3rs18 27 points28 points ago

Then go buy a cheap razor. Doesn't seem hard...

[–]MasterGolbez 2 points3 points ago

I'm 28 and still can't grow half the facial hair that one of my buddies could when he was fucking 15 years old.

[–]omgfrankenberry 3 points4 points ago

I kno that feel bro. Im asian and i cant grow facial hair for shit.

[–]Kakoose 5 points6 points ago

I'm Indian so sorry I don't know that feel

[–]greenyellowbird 49 points50 points ago

Female chiming in....any girl that that has character...and is worth approaching, wouldn't care about what shirt Jason Segel is wearing.

[–]SecondSophistic 74 points75 points ago

See, but most of guys aren't Jason Segel. So, we have that not working in our favor.

[–]greenyellowbird 30 points31 points ago

Seriously....his appeal comes from a kind and genuine personality....which most women find absolutely irresistible.

[–]SecondSophistic 23 points24 points ago

See, but most of us on reddit also have that not working for us...

How about self-deprecating sense of humor? Does that work in our favor?

[–]greenyellowbird 7 points8 points ago

Well, the times I've met with men that are a little too Larry David....its a bit awkward to sit on a date w a person like that.

There isn't much I've learned from my years of dating, but, there is one thing i told myself...if i find a man with a sense of humor and is kind to not only me but waitresses, waiters, and his parents....that man is a keeper.

[–]decross20 4 points5 points ago

Cue curb your enthusiasm theme music

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]greenyellowbird 1 point2 points ago

Don't beat yourself up...I'm sure there is a gal noticing you as well...but you are yoo busy ogling hotter woman than her.

Looks fade...find a woman that warms your soul. (I know it sounds corny, but its an awesome feeling when you find it).

[–]CBeTHaX 1 point2 points ago

Wait, are you telling me that men who respect their parents and other people are hard to find?

[–]greenyellowbird 0 points1 point ago

I live in Jersey....there are a lot of douchebags among this land.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]greenyellowbird 0 points1 point ago

Assuming that you are under 25, I'd blame it on your age group.

I used to be like that only b/c I wasn't ready to settle down and neither were those tools. The nice guys wanted to marry and have kids in the immediate future. Which I wasn't ready for.

Now in my 30's, I've evolved quite a bit....my current SO is attractive, but more importantly, he is a good egg. If he wasn't, I would have kicked him to the curb a long time ago.

Don't worry...if you are a good person, you will find a gal that will appreciate that quality.

[–]medep 2 points3 points ago

Did you see the gag reel where he makes out with NPH? I think it was basically a game of chicken, but neither one was backing down

[–]emperor_of_the_world 1 point2 points ago

Yes but you have to meet a man to learn that, and if said man is wearing "this fucking shirt" then he will too embarrassed to try and meet an attractive woman.

[–]ImaBlackBelt 1 point2 points ago

You, you lie.

Or you're fat.

[–]BillFuckingMurray1 0 points1 point ago

You're trying too hard, doll. First impressions mean a lot to you.

[–]greenyellowbird 0 points1 point ago

Don't call me doll.

[–]BillFuckingMurray1 1 point2 points ago

Yes sir.

[–]bricardo 11 points12 points ago

I don't always run into hot girls in public, but when I do, I realize I look like shit.

[–]IMAHORSIE 1 point2 points ago

I don't always run into hot girls in public, but when I do, I look like shit and have a raging hard boner which prevents me from standing up

[–]LegoLegume 1 point2 points ago

That's good, though, because then when they ignore you you have an excuse!

Man, I have messed up priorities.

[–]Maxplatypus 0 points1 point ago

That's why I always look good wink

[–]UZUMATI-JAMESON 89 points90 points ago

No man you gotta flaunt that stuff! I wear this pink tie dye v-neck all the time and guess what! ...I have been single for quite some time.

[–]LegenD00M 10 points11 points ago

So is it pink or is it tie dye?

[–]SLangR 23 points24 points ago

[–]sheriff_skullface 7 points8 points ago

needs moar v-neck

[–]UZUMATI-JAMESON 2 points3 points ago

It's a tie dye shirt but not a swirl, it's a vertical accordion pattern and I just made it pink.

[–]traitorjoe7 17 points18 points ago

Unbutton it! Ok no, button it back up...

[–]kurin 25 points26 points ago

You should head on over to /r/malefashionadvice to get started on a collection of expensive shirts you won't like.

[–]ImaBlackBelt 4 points5 points ago

...will they make me throw away my flannel?

[–]n1c0_ds 1 point2 points ago

What I've learned from MFA:

  • Tighter

[–]the_ayatollah 3 points4 points ago

Fitted.

[–]vincoug 19 points20 points ago

That's why you should be putting forth a minimum modicum of effort when leaving the house.

EDIT: Modicum, not minimum. Thank you GuaHero.

[–]GuaHero 5 points6 points ago

*modicum

[–]SunriseSurprise 0 points1 point ago

Not an appropriate thing to tell the mod.

[–]GuaHero 0 points1 point ago

It took me a good day to get it, but, mfw.

[–]SunriseSurprise 0 points1 point ago

I had a feeling it wouldn't fly too well.

[–]plastic_cookware 8 points9 points ago

Just dress every morning like you're going to meet your next employer, future wife, and ex-girlfriend that day.

[–]spamato 15 points16 points ago

Completely naked with a knife clenched between my teeth?

[–]notcoolbrooo 6 points7 points ago

What the hell kind of line of work are you in?!

[–]Mosstheboss9722 6 points7 points ago

He's a commando obviously

[–]grothsauce 104 points105 points ago

Maybe don't wear shitty clothing? Fairly simple solution...

[–]Matt08642 72 points73 points ago

sometimes you just want to go buy some food and think "Hey, im gonna wear that shirt I used to paint in last week"

[–]ventose 16 points17 points ago

My cousin has a crappy white shirt that he wears when fixing cars. It's covered in black oil stains. A group of female friends we were talking to told him that they found the shirt incredibly sexy because of the stains. The stains display the fact that he's a mechanic.

Paint stains might have the same effect. Some girls probably find painters sexy.

[–]Matt08642 41 points42 points ago

By paint stains I meant food stains, and by food stains I mean my own tears

[–]syllabic 22 points23 points ago

now that's swag

[–]notcaffeinefree 4 points5 points ago

I just got back from doing the exact thing. And I was wearing my "doing-the-laundry" clothes :(.

[–]Matt08642 2 points3 points ago

For me thats basketball shorts full of holes and shirts from when I was much heavier, so they hang off me. I look fucking dapper.

[–]sheerheartattack 3 points4 points ago

Or you're at work.

[–]duhduhduhduhduh 0 points1 point ago

mm... i don't own bad looking clothing. i can't say i have this problem.

[–]WithForte 18 points19 points ago

Stop dressing like a ninny, then.

[–]SilversunPickups 27 points28 points ago

Ha, ninny.

[–]amalgamatedchaos 0 points1 point ago

Pardon your French!

[–]Xiattr 22 points23 points ago

If you look (actually) confident enough, it doesn't matter what you're wearing.

[–]Matt08642 28 points29 points ago

I went outside with my dick hanging out of some Walmart jeans and got put on a sex offenders list??

[–]Xiattr 38 points39 points ago

What do you expect? You were wearing Walmart jeans. There are always exceptions.

[–]dome210 2 points3 points ago

But what else are you supposed to wear when you go out to buy those delicious Walmart choice steaks™?

[–]Xiattr 0 points1 point ago

Suspenders. And nothing else.

[–]n1c0_ds 1 point2 points ago

False. Both are extremely helpful.

As a freelancer, the way I dress has a huge impact on my chances of getting money.

[–]Xiattr 1 point2 points ago

Like I said jokingly, there are limits. Plus, I'm talking about girls, not about getting money.

And yeah, you'll still get turned down by girls. But you'll draw more positive attention with confidence than you will with being a shy, human sack of flour.

[–]n1c0_ds 1 point2 points ago

Completely agreed. Confidence first, clothes later.

[–]twaddington 5 points6 points ago

So buy yourself a fucking wardrobe. It's not that hard and it's totally worth it. It's good to actively reinvent your look every couple years.

[–]sufrt 11 points12 points ago

no way man i don't want to look like some fucking hipster

ill-fitting black video game t-shirts with food stains for life

[–]twaddington 0 points1 point ago

If you only do one thing with your life, stop wearing printed T-Shirts. It will improve your look 100 fold.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

It's not that hard

Ah, to be a person of average dimensions...

[–]twaddington 0 points1 point ago

Actually being a tall and lanky dude, it's much harder to find nice fitting clothes than you would expect. Especially in the States where all the clothes are designed for square-ish, slightly overweight, "average" guys. Even "fitted" shirts aren't quite fitted enough.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I know. I have to order the majority of my clothes online because there's one store in my entire city that sells clothes in my size and they only sell sportswear.

[–]twaddington 0 points1 point ago

If you need some inspiration for looking swank check out The Sartorialist. If you're on a budget, try some second-hand stores. If you find something you like, you can send it off to someone that does alterations and get it taken in for not a whole lot of money.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Being too big is the problem, so having things taken in isn't an issue. The only thing you'll find in second-hand stores around here is tattered K-Mart clothes, haha.

[–]twaddington 0 points1 point ago

Well, you can have things let out or lengthened too. I think the issue here is your location. Hit up the Internet (or just move)!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Haha. It's also quite difficult finding anything suitable online!

I'm not the most fashionable guy, as a result. But I think I do ok.

[–]bwrap 0 points1 point ago

Sure let me just find the money for that in my couch

[–]psychotik91 3 points4 points ago

at least he isn't wearing a ducky tie with it

[–]hudsen 2 points3 points ago

Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?

[–]toolbox2959 2 points3 points ago

Not sure what this is doing here but have an upvote.

[–]hudsen 0 points1 point ago

Oh, it is actually a song by the Doors. But thanks!

[–]toolbox2959 2 points3 points ago

I know. I just didn't know why it was in the comments for this.

[–]CallMeAnEngineer 8 points9 points ago

How about you start wearing better shirts?

[–]byobguy 2 points3 points ago

I always think "Dammit, I wish I had jeans on."

[–]ScarlettTakesATumble 11 points12 points ago

Or just pants in general probably, right?

[–]byobguy 5 points6 points ago

No, I'm just an average white guy, therefore I can't get away with wearing basketball shorts in public.

[–]Cadmeanvixen 9 points10 points ago

No one can get away with wearing basketball shorts in public unless they're playing basketball.

[–]byobguy -1 points0 points ago

black people and the ghetto white posers in my town with decent looking girls would verbally rape you to differ.

[–]decross20 2 points3 points ago

Yeah but if the girls are willing to get with ghetto white posers they probably weren't worth it anyway

[–]byobguy 0 points1 point ago

true. and they tend to be trashy themselves, but they didn't start that way

[–]Matt08642 0 points1 point ago

I own 4 pairs of shorts, 3 of which are mid-2000s generic basketball shorts... :(

[–]byobguy 1 point2 points ago

yea. i have decent cargo shorts, but I only wear them at school. when I'm going to get food and shit in town i wear the basketball shorts and create a bubble.

[–]TruKiller 1 point2 points ago

decent cargo shorts

decent cargo

[–]BlackberryCheese 4 points5 points ago

there must be some sort of solution to this reoccurring issue..

[–]rounding_error 2 points3 points ago

Judge Reinhold! I loved that guy in Beverly Hills Cop!

[–]decross20 0 points1 point ago

My name is Judge!

[–]austen_317 0 points1 point ago

stop wearing that shirt /r/malefashionadvice

[–]UhhBrett -1 points0 points ago

This subreddit helps, a lot. Seriously people.

[–]spamato 3 points4 points ago

The stuff in the side bar about how clothes should fit and the suit stuff are great.

I think a lot of the people who put up pictures look ridiculous though.

[–]UhhBrett 0 points1 point ago

They tend to take it too far, pants cuffed up to their calf muscles. I agree with you though, the guidelines are what I recommend. They also taught me how important the fit of a piece of clothing is.

[–]bwrap -1 points0 points ago

Helps you fit into jeans 2 sizes too small you found in your sister's closet, yeah they help wonderfully with that.

[–]Lots42 5 points6 points ago

Dude, whatever you got on, rock it like it's hot.

[–]mrjdblack80 -1 points0 points ago

Don't worry. You won't run into many hot girls dressed like that any how....oh, that was the point. Well, fucking joke sucked.

[–]Harry_S_Truman 0 points1 point ago

[–]willscy 0 points1 point ago

You think Harry Truman was getting much tail? I think not.

[–]CardboardHeatshield 1 point2 points ago

Then get some new shirts, brah.

[–]Fatbeerguy 0 points1 point ago

I wish I had a new head...and body.

[–]gulpeg 0 points1 point ago

Whenever I see a hot girl in public, I'm always dressed to the nines.. Just too shy to approach her

[–]drpersonman 0 points1 point ago

You either rarely go out in public or you hate all your shirts.

[–]SilversunPickups 0 points1 point ago

No better shirt than a fucking shirt.

[–]instinct_lion 0 points1 point ago

For me it's always about the hair....god damn wavy hair...

[–]lowodor 0 points1 point ago

keep telling yourself it's the shirt

[–]Beanager 0 points1 point ago

Have you ever seen a hot girl in private?

[–]UnicornNinja42 -1 points0 points ago

You should just never wear anything horrible or embarrassing at all.

[–]tyrant8100 0 points1 point ago

This the reason we SUIT UP!

[–]Jrfmpark 0 points1 point ago

It worked for Wash.

Or maybe it was that he shaved off his mustache.

[–]vivolleyball15 0 points1 point ago

I fucking love Jason Segel, and this movie.

[–]dronoc 0 points1 point ago

I wish i was wearing a fucking shirt.

[–]PilotKnob 0 points1 point ago

You post a picture of a shirt to hate, but I see the lobby windows at my beloved Turtle Bay Resort. The view out of them is fan-frickin'-tastic!

[–]MonsieurBean 0 points1 point ago

And everytime i wear a nice shirt : maan I wish there was a hot girl..

[–]Dokbokki 1 point2 points ago

r/malefashionadvice would like to invite you.

[–]Shoola 0 points1 point ago

Unless you're wearing some sort of magnificent, pussing-snatching shirt, I don't think it'll matter that much.

[–]theSeanO 0 points1 point ago

I don't know how to express how much I agree with this.

Almost every time I have to leave the house I make sure I'm at least halfway presentable, i.e. not sweatpants and sandals. But there's always that ONE TIME where I have no time to get changed, where I don't expect to see ANYONE and it's like a freakin' hot chick parade.

[–]BigDutchBag 0 points1 point ago

You tell at the beginning of each word?

[–]jezz348 1 point2 points ago

my thoughts go like this. Don't stare at her breasts, don't stare at her breasts, don't stare at her breasts... Damn too late

[–]jumbohiggins 0 points1 point ago

This literally happened to me today. I saw 3 of the most attractive women I have seen in months. Then I went home and played CS:GO that will teach them HA.

[–]Innerpiece -1 points0 points ago

[–]Anaract 0 points1 point ago

I have a knack for wearing the absolutely shittiest clothes I own every time I happen to come across a girl I know. It's upsetting

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Fair enough. Why don't you try to unbutton it?

Button it back up.

[–]nomis_nehc 1 point2 points ago

Hahaha, yes. I wish I wasn't in my pjs. I swear I am almost always in my pjs nowadays.

It's kind of awesome.

[–]flamingboard 0 points1 point ago

I think to myself I wish I wasn't such a fat, ugly loser.

[–]Basstissimo 1 point2 points ago

I almost don't like seeing hot girls anymore, because I'm always doing weird things. I'm going up a really big hill on my bike and I'm panting and look like I'm taking a shit on a bicycle when some girl drives by in a Jeep with a: "What the fuck?" expression on her face.

Or meeting a girl when you're wearing pajama pants. You don't know what to do, the first thought that comes to mind is: "Wait! I can explain..." And if you're talking to her and things go well and a surprise boner jumps in from left field you immediately sit down and it's at that exact moment that she says something like: "Do you want to walk to my car with me?" Then you have to reply: "No thanks," but what you really mean is: "I'm pitching a tent right now, sorry."

Or pretty much any day of Sharkweek, the release of a new album, start of a new game, etc. You look like shit and smell like shit and you are just shitty overall. I can't say anything like: "I'm sorry, they just released DND 4.0," because then I have to explain what "DnD" means. I can't say I smell like ass and potato chips because I've been watching men take pictures of fish all day. Can't say Heligoland just came out and I've been binging on Massive Attack albums because I sound like I'm fucking speaking Klingon.

God damn it.

[–]Doctor_Loggins 0 points1 point ago

I wish she wasn't wearing that fucking shirt.

FTFY

[–]100percentcameron 0 points1 point ago

Ran into Rainn Wilson (Dwight from the Office) in a small restaurant in Haiti wearing a stained, dirty shirt that said "Don't fart near open flames" after three days in the sun without a shower. I really wished I wasn't wearing that shirt.

[–]ViewtifulSchmoe 0 points1 point ago

"I wish I weren't wearing this fucking face."

[–]ColoBB 0 points1 point ago

Every Time I See A Hot Girl In Public..i wish she'll go to my room

[–]uraffuroos 0 points1 point ago

Maybe you should buy another shirt.

[–]toastythetoaster1 -1 points0 points ago

Hawaiian shirt is the mark of a true man

[–]Against_Leviathan 0 points1 point ago

I stopped wearing t-shirts exactly for this reason, it took a lot to un-fav tee-fury to make that happen

[–]escobari 0 points1 point ago

I wist I wasnt wearing this fucking face
[FIXED]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Last time, I really wish I was wearing my fucking shirt. Instead, it was my working shirt. :-(

[–]WhatTimeMachine 0 points1 point ago

What do you mean!?

I always wear my fucking-shirt when I want to get laid.

[–]_argoplix 0 points1 point ago

I can do one better ...

I helped out a woman (think MILF, not some 21-y/o brainless hottie) who was having car problems, and she offered to buy me a drink at the local sake bar. I turned her down because I hadn't showered or shaved in about 4 days and looked like crap and just wasn't comfortable being seen like that in public. At my job, no problem, but not with a woman!

[–]Slylock 0 points1 point ago

Haha. I'm dumb.

[–]AdamC117 0 points1 point ago

This is exactly why I stopped wearing all my shirts I bought on Woot.

[–]Lord_of_the_Dance 0 points1 point ago

That's why I only wear awesome stuff.

[–]baihbalm 0 points1 point ago

Why don't you just take off your shirt... unless... ok, I feel bad for you now.

[–]omegamattt 0 points1 point ago

Probably won't get a reply but what episode is this in how I met your mother I've seen all of the seasons on Netflix and the one after but I don't remember this scene help?

[–]Jwoey 0 points1 point ago

I had this same thought today. I'm wearing a Cozumel Mexico shirt I got on a cruise.

Still got her number. HELL YEAH.

Sorry I'm just... she was cool.

[–]un1xguy 0 points1 point ago

Every Time I See A Hot Girl In Public.. I wish she would take off her shirt and come at me. ;)

[–]seeashbashrun 0 points1 point ago

You Always Capitalize All Of Your Words

[–]unf3lde0m 0 points1 point ago

I wish I wasn't wearing this fucking face.

[–]ravelle 0 points1 point ago

I wish I cut my hair and shaved.

[–]goofoffering 0 points1 point ago

Glad you can't yet breed. Fool.

[–]cronini 0 points1 point ago

Reddit gets so agitated on any post that mentions dating or the opposite sex!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Tell me about it. I met this one smoking hot guy at a party while I was wearing a dorky Starcraft shirt and hadn't washed my hair for a day. It was a sad night.

[–]revrend_ 0 points1 point ago

PROTIP:

Don't wear fucking stupid shirts.

[–]PTTGx2 0 points1 point ago

If you can't win 'em in a Hawaiian shirt, you can't win 'em at all, buddy.

[–]ajames336 0 points1 point ago

I actually just saw a guy in Wal-Mart today wearing that shirt.... he was with a pretty hot chick. I bet they have a stable and trustworthy relationship.

[–]igetthatreference 1 point2 points ago

Ha! I just watched this movie so now my username makes sense!

[–]magictravelblog 0 points1 point ago

What movie is it?

[–]traitorjoe7 7 points8 points ago

Forgetting Sarah Marshall