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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]tdn 150 points151 points ago

Took me a while to figure out 'assisting'

[–]chrisfinley98 99 points100 points ago

I don't care about the typo, he makes 190.00 an hour!

[–]iheartsloths 111 points112 points ago

As insane as it may sound, that's actually fairly cheap. Probably a junior associate. But then again, if it requires assfisting, the rate suddenly seems more than reasonable.

[–]everlong016 15 points16 points ago

Pshaw, I bet you could find a guy on Craigslist who would give you a good assfisting for free.

[–]DELTATKG 25 points26 points ago

Given that this was typewritten, it could have been quite some time ago.

[–]AStabToTheEye 32 points33 points ago

that's some expensive assfisting.

[–]Phyics_Son 14 points15 points ago

that makes him a pretty damn good whore. 190/hour for assfisting is a bargin

[–]nimrod4u 2 points3 points ago

Just because he bills $190.00 an hour, doesn't mean he makes $190.00 an hour. The firm gets the $190.00 and then the vast majority of that money goes to things like office rent, secretaries, IT support, document processing, business development expenses etc.

[–]cabal1 3 points4 points ago

The author bills $185ph, it's Mr _ who bills $190. That extra $5 presumably gets you someone who doesn't include the word "assfisting" in official correspondence.

[–]dashzed 1 point2 points ago

Heh, that's what I make in a WEEK!

[–]terrible_memes 19 points20 points ago

I'll give a nice assfisting to the first discocunt

[–]award07 775 points776 points ago

I saw discoconut

[–]wolfvision 474 points475 points ago

[–]MikeFly 370 points371 points ago

Not sure if photoshop...

[–]Dildo_Ball_Baggins 383 points384 points ago

Or just a coconut having a really good time..

[–]wolfvision 66 points67 points ago

The light particles are that bright it just looks like a bad crop in photoshop. But really, the endosperm in the coconut is a very reflective source of material, it makes light 800% brighter. It's the future

[–]Aden_Sickle 76 points77 points ago

giggle

"Endosperm"

I'll show myself out now.

[–]wolfvision 48 points49 points ago

Stay.

[–]el_swag 27 points28 points ago

Now watch

[–]johno456 1 point2 points ago

[–]RedGoatSurprise 13 points14 points ago

[–]Whyareyoufollowingme 10 points11 points ago

Heh heh. Liquid endosperm.

[–]PaladinSato 4 points5 points ago

I see only genatalia.

[–]Eat_sandwiches 22 points23 points ago

Considering it is oozing coconut milk into 90 degree angles I have to agree.

[–]nimr0d 34 points35 points ago

Photoshop expert here.... looks real to me, the pixels are fine.

[–]Pollike 30 points31 points ago

now make a picture of a discoCUNT

[–]h4zmat 96 points97 points ago

[–]TheNewEnnui 40 points41 points ago

[–]TheNewEnnui 36 points37 points ago

[–]motionmufin 27 points28 points ago

Why is this a stock photo?

[–]nyan_swanson 22 points23 points ago

YA NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MIGHT JUST NEED A PICTURE OF A NUDE LADY WITH A DISCO BALL.

[–]SeviMan 18 points19 points ago

SHE'S A NICE LADY

[–]PaladinSato 3 points4 points ago

Took me a while, but I finally saw the image behind stockfresh.

[–]Whodini[!] 51 points52 points ago

Discoconut?

No, Datcoconut.

[–]ace_invader 12 points13 points ago

I read it like three times as this and thought it was hilarious, but I knew I had to be reading it wrong if it was top post.

[–]sereneinsanity96 8 points9 points ago

Discoconut? It's MY coconut. ~carries off over shoulder~

[–]cloud1720 28 points29 points ago

dat coconut

[–]vuxa 35 points36 points ago

I saw discococunt

[–]InterstellarPancake 38 points39 points ago

Now at Jugo Juice, our newest exotic refreshment, Coconut Cunt Disco!

[–]WeirdestMudkipz 19 points20 points ago

That has sort of nice ring to it.

[–]FuCKiNTowel 18 points19 points ago

sounds refreshing

[–]yogurt666 2 points3 points ago

Came here expecting Coconut as well. You saved that day buddy.

[–]okayokaysure 87 points88 points ago

Instantly made me think of this. (NSFW)

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tRBhWdgQ01g/T-HZP6GTyII/AAAAAAAAMZg/wnUQIQFJmEg/s1600/VAJAZZLE+2+LR.jpg

Vajazzling. Oooooh internet.

[–]czechthunder 24 points25 points ago

Vajazzling made me laugh harder than it should have

[–]Hsn102198 18 points19 points ago

It looks so... Crusty. I want to take a knife and scrape it all off.

[–]theresaviking 51 points52 points ago

This seems weird, not because someone has stuck rhinestones to a woman's pubis, but because in the situation where you tell a person "I do", it's usually of surprise, perhaps in public and at least clothed. I imagine this woman has to get this topped up every few days or so, waiting years until her boyfriend proposes, then POW. Vagina says yes. On the Eiffel Tower.

[–]Enna_hteb 51 points52 points ago

You say "Yes" to the "Will you marry me?" engagement question. You say "I do" to "Do you take so-and-so to be your lawful wedded husband?" at the wedding, which is usually painstakingly planned out ahead of time.

Source: I've been engaged and am currently married.

[–]Nickbou 12 points13 points ago

Which is going to make the vows part of the ceremony quite awkward for the guests..:

[–]theresaviking 35 points36 points ago

It's nearly 3am and I'm not sure I'm technically conscious. Can you just pretend I got this one right?

[–]Enna_hteb 33 points34 points ago

I can arrange that.

You are both smart and correct!

[–]theresaviking 23 points24 points ago

I love you man.

[–]Rephaite 6 points7 points ago

That would be even more awkward, because you usually say "I do" in front of all of the wedding guests, and a priest.

[–]LiquorballSandwich 2 points3 points ago

Good point and valid source

[–]okayokaysure 7 points8 points ago

Or a really awkward moment occurs when he doesn't ask and he goes looking to score later.

[–]theresaviking 14 points15 points ago

"Not that I'm complaining, but why do we always do it doggy style?"

[–]ihateidaho 253 points254 points ago

[–]ExtraCheesed_Buddha 156 points157 points ago

Well since its in Urban Dictionary now, it must be a real word

[–]alreadytakenusername 18 points19 points ago

UD: Redditors' reality checker.

[–]sakattack 51 points52 points ago

Hahahaha

Oh my god look at John Travolta over there. I know!! What a discocunt.

[–]Lj27 17 points18 points ago

That made me laugh more than the OP

[–]jorellh 28 points29 points ago

I'm not discocunting the veracity of this.

[–]ldpuffdaddy 14 points15 points ago

I was going to assfist you with some more puns, but I couldn't think of anything...

[–]binarysolo 11 points12 points ago

I can vouch for tits legitimacy.

[–]Sir_McGentlington 5 points6 points ago

Well played, well played...

[–]XaroXhaonDaxos 175 points176 points ago

I believe that was my mom's nickname in the 70s.

[–]TheNewEnnui 139 points140 points ago

I can confirm this.

[–]XaroXhaonDaxos 121 points122 points ago

DAD??

[–]TheNewEnnui 94 points95 points ago

Errrrr. No. No. She said the baby wasn't mine. She said she'd take care of it. Look kid, just forget I said anything.

[–]XaroXhaonDaxos 71 points72 points ago

I'm so glad we finally found each other, dad.

[–]TheNewEnnui 67 points68 points ago

damn that discocunt

[–]StraY_WolF 13 points14 points ago

But he's black...

[–]louisc 11 points12 points ago

PAW PAW?

[–]TheNewEnnui 16 points17 points ago

I have pop pop in the attic

[–]nourez 14 points15 points ago

The mere fact that you call making love pop pop tells me you're not ready for it.

[–]Cynikal818 15 points16 points ago

dude, you've been on for 24 hours straight. what the fuck? you have more comment karma in 1 day then I've gotten in 10 months.

[–]thejohnfreeman 11 points12 points ago

He's the new trapped_in_reddit.

[–]Whitawolf 5 points6 points ago

trapped_in_qarth

[–]solario27 0 points1 point ago

wow TIL your nickname is that badass from Qarath

[–]FriedPorkchop 35 points36 points ago

Somewhere, a lesbian BeeGees cover band just discovered their new band name.

[–]CraineTwo 1 point2 points ago

I suspect they've probably got a monopoly on lesbian BeeGees cover bands.

I secretly want to be proven wrong...

[–]Disco_Penis 40 points41 points ago

My soulmate??!!

[–]jaroberts24 18 points19 points ago

17 days. Not bad.

[–]markedanthony 25 points26 points ago

What a complete waste of life

[–]Whitawolf 16 points17 points ago

He's waiting six years for his karma-party.

[–]lentzinater 3 points4 points ago

OP's brand new "just to prove I'm 18" account.

[–]TracyMorganFreeman 40 points41 points ago

I see Disco Stu's less popular sister is making an impression.

[–]Newshoe 19 points20 points ago

DiscoCunt doesn't advertise

[–]Nickbou 2 points3 points ago

As okayokaysure pointed out elsewhere in the comments, I'd say she does.

[–]TracyMorganFreeman 2 points3 points ago

Well she is less popular.

[–]matts41[S] 16 points17 points ago

My first front page submission has the word 'discocunt' in it. My mom should be so proud.

[–]BunBun002 114 points115 points ago

Shitty_Watercolour? Please?

[–]spooc 42 points43 points ago

Get up on the roof and use the shitty signal. Also make sure you look him in the eye when he get's here or he might disappear unexpectedly.

[–]Cocopupo 12 points13 points ago

Sorry, he doesn't do inappropriate stuff...

[–]singularlydatarific 14 points15 points ago

could have a big censored bar with lights shooting out of it

[–]PartyRob 4 points5 points ago

Quiet, Discocopupo.

[–]SourMilk 10 points11 points ago

I really wish I knew what the comments below that got deleted said.

EDIT: also, I'm pretty sure I saw on here before that in order to summon Shitty_Watercolour, we have to say his name 3 times like Beetlejuice.

[–]Batcaptain 10 points11 points ago

Shitty_Watercolour...

[–]SourMilk 12 points13 points ago

Shitty_Watercolour...

[–]Cowed 12 points13 points ago

Shitty_Watercolour...

[–]RedsClues 5 points6 points ago

sigh turn off the signal. He doesn't want to talk to us.

[–]bunglejerry 12 points13 points ago

[–]tdn 5 points6 points ago

Ever notice his chest hair spells:

L L L

in cursive?

[–]Lochen 15 points16 points ago

And his fingers spell I I I I :P

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

And his glasses spell OO

[–]Shaolin76 12 points13 points ago

After 5 gin and tonics I very nearly pissed myself at this. I'll re-read it again after the bottle is depleted and see if it is equally as funny

I re-read this 3 times before posting.....drunk!

Friday.....reddit....drunk!

[–]Nickbou 2 points3 points ago

G&T. My man! high five

[–]WildSeven2 42 points43 points ago

Where the fuck is Shitty_Watercolour?

[–]ZvikaDaFreaka 26 points27 points ago

We summon thee, O great shitty_watercolour

[–]UncivilPeace 18 points19 points ago

Could it be...He's out on a Friday night?... :D

Haha j/k lol

[–]auralammunition 7 points8 points ago

it would make a good band name

[–]trampus1 9 points10 points ago

I was reading it as "discoconut" and imagined Hermes offering someone a coconut as a refund.

[–]ThePoonHunter 8 points9 points ago

Is this like a coupon system for prostitution? Because I could totally get behind that.

[–]ActionScripter9109 7 points8 points ago

behind

You're ThePoonHunter; of course you would.

[–]majinjohnny 5 points6 points ago

Let's have some fun these beats are sick, I wanna take a ride on your discocunt

[–]Professor_Neckbeard 4 points5 points ago

I bet that's what lady gaga calls her vagina.

[–]ClintonHarvey 4 points5 points ago

Googled it. * Sigh *

[–]Disco_Coconut 5 points6 points ago

Good name for a band...or a redditor...or a band of redditors...

I have no idea what I'm doing

[–]thinksInCode 3 points4 points ago

They exist!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrW0Z69gA7Q

EDIT: What the fuck did I just listen to?

[–]jgaspar5 1 point2 points ago

[–]townidiot 1 point2 points ago

This is a lot funnier than any other comment here. It's a shame fine art is always overshadowed by shabby productions. Bravo!

[–]syntaxgs 11 points12 points ago

I don,t See What a prolem it Just Mean there Half too be fower money You pays In real life

[–]Zeheve 8 points9 points ago

I feel stupid whenever you comment. You're a clever novelty, but I don't understand why.

[–]GimmeCat 4 points5 points ago

He's a Digg refugee. Was about the only thing about Digg I still enjoyed at the time I discovered Reddit and never looked back. I consider him "the original novelty account".

I'm actually happy to see him here. Always brings a smile to my face. syntaxgs is always very polite and eager to offer his unique insight into a topic. :)

[–]purplestofthepurples 3 points4 points ago

I enjoy poor English far more than I probably should.

[–]Batcaptain 2 points3 points ago

[–]busydoinnothin 2 points3 points ago

How did I never think of putting these two glorious words together? Discocunt has been assimilated into my vernacular.

[–]25hb 0 points1 point ago

Summons shitty_watercolour

[–]freshairr 0 points1 point ago

Why did I read that as disco coconut first?

[–]dirty_vegas31 1 point2 points ago

That used to be my stripper name.

[–]FruitBeef 2 points3 points ago

[–]Strug-ga-ling 2 points3 points ago

Please paint this, /u/shitty_watercolour. Truly a challenge for the master.

[–]KansasCityChefs 2 points3 points ago

Where's the typo? It's hard to tell.

[–]saadmonkey 1 point2 points ago

Disco cunt! what happens when you 'vajazzle'

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=vajazzling

[–]PrawnSkunk 0 points1 point ago

discoconut

[–]Ninsha 2 points3 points ago

Where is Shitty_Watercolor

[–]woeb0t 1 point2 points ago

Hmm. That's not in my spell check's dictionary...

[–]yarmulke 0 points1 point ago

As someone who works in online sales chat, this kind of typo scares me for my job.

[–]iheartsloths 0 points1 point ago

She's slutty, but a great dancer.

[–]AmpleWarning 0 points1 point ago

Now I'm trying to figure out if having an epic vadge is better or worse than 10% off.

[–]TootsMcAnus 0 points1 point ago

DISCO CU-UNT!
Run to the toilet and comb your ha-a-ir!

[–]10007638 0 points1 point ago

Disco Stu would like to fuck a discocunt.

[–]foofighterfan 1 point2 points ago

My bands new name.

[–]ajmueller 0 points1 point ago

Poor Larry always gets the worst typos in the paper.

[–]Erunave 0 points1 point ago

Awwww yeeeeaahhh!! Disco ball vagina beads?

[–]gillyguthrie 0 points1 point ago

Beloved Aunt has my vote

[–]cowboyvenus 0 points1 point ago

[–]MrsJetson 1 point2 points ago

This just... made me so happy.

[–]StalinsLastStand 1 point2 points ago

Where am I supposed to be looking? Can't you zoom in a little further and make it less in focus?

[–]Shank_Bear 0 points1 point ago

I read that as discount.. i suck

[–]Dromaeosauridae 0 points1 point ago

If Discocunt is the title, this is the album cover

[–]interpellation 0 points1 point ago

wow, best DJ name ever.

[–]AlNino1 0 points1 point ago

I had one when I worked in customer care at a web hosting company. I meant to type "customer would like to get a refund". I actually typed "customer would lie to get a refund."

Customer ended up seeing the email subject line and was PISSED!!!!

[–]terrible_memes 1 point2 points ago

Nice try John Travolta

[–]Minehh -1 points0 points ago

I thought it said discoconut..

[–]InvaderMaverick 0 points1 point ago

Hello sir would you like a discunt?

[–]homeless_man_jogging 1 point2 points ago

So who tried to change their username to discocunt?

[–]rwarner13 0 points1 point ago

now, how do you pronounce it disco cunt or dis coconut??

[–]Gondorff777 -1 points0 points ago

At first I thought it said "discoconut" ... That would've been way funnier.

[–]TerraRyan11 0 points1 point ago

No. it's not.

[–]ThePencilMan 0 points1 point ago

Yes.

[–]bigDIEter 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one who read this as "discoconut" like the first 5 times and didn't find it all that funny?

[–]Thatonefreeman 0 points1 point ago

I read discount. Then I read disco-cunt. Then I read dis-coconut.

[–]Ski1215 1 point2 points ago

I read it as 'disc-coconut' and giggled to myself. Then laughed even more when I read 'disco-cunt'.

[–]HeWentToJared91 0 points1 point ago

This is probably someone's username...

[–]inthebreeze711 0 points1 point ago

This would be an awesome name for a DJ

[–]lurxxor 0 points1 point ago

A disco-cunt discount? Where do i sign?

[–]thegoto1 0 points1 point ago

Yes! Definitely the best I have ever seen.

[–]icehouse_lover 0 points1 point ago

Discocunt don't advertise

[–]MsManifesto 1 point2 points ago

From here-on-out, I refuse to call my gentalia by any other name!

[–]a-sal 0 points1 point ago

10% discocunt that's more than I've ever had

[–]AnalogPenetration 0 points1 point ago

That Rosscott guy would be impressed.

[–]Flailwielder 1 point2 points ago

Come on, shittywatercolor...do your thing.

[–]bobfromiowa 0 points1 point ago

Um can anyone draw this out for me cause i am having a good laugh at this but in an image it would be sick

[–]Polygon12 0 points1 point ago

is it wrong that the word discocunt turns me on?

I am drunk!

[–]kanyka 1 point2 points ago

Quick, to the bedazzler!

[–]seieibob 0 points1 point ago

Band name.

[–]Slippyy 0 points1 point ago

What the fuck has been going on in this thread?

[–]pbentoncron 0 points1 point ago

Nice!

[–]vheissu417 0 points1 point ago

what's that? you wanna dance?

[–]Meat_Confetti 0 points1 point ago

Okay, who snatched up that username?

[–]Sal_Bandaid 0 points1 point ago

Where's ICanLegoThat when you need him.

[–]ddb1 0 points1 point ago

DiscoCunt don't advertise

[–]RedundancyCheck 0 points1 point ago

I agree with slippyy... wth? somebody help me understand why this is posted in r/funny?

[–]Leterren 0 points1 point ago

I laughed harder than I have in along time

[–]Scarlottharlott 0 points1 point ago

Discocunt. That's some serious vagazzling.

[–]Shon7r 0 points1 point ago

My principal said "defecate" instead of "dedicate" in her speech at my high school graduation.

[–]patienttapping 0 points1 point ago

That shit be flinging around everywhere and making errybody happy

[–]lentzinater 0 points1 point ago

"this username is already taken"

[–]Evil_AppleJuice 0 points1 point ago

Why is it cropped??? Now I will never know how to receive a discocunt!

[–]innocentcriminal52 0 points1 point ago

Only 60s kids will remember discocunt

[–]Catch22af 0 points1 point ago

Five finger discocunt

[–]ThickPiss 0 points1 point ago

I've done this typo in a work email...true (unfortunate) story

[–]Alkap0wn 0 points1 point ago

I ran out of breath laughing at this shit.

[–]ThatCatisaFish 0 points1 point ago

Thought it said discoconut. I was pumped. Realized it was discocunt, not bad

[–]tgwke 0 points1 point ago

I don't think that was a typo.. if I did that, I'd leave it. Just for shits and giggles.

[–]craniumonempty 0 points1 point ago

DAE see "Reddit discocunt bananas"? Well, with a little imagination.