This reminds of one time I had to get early for an 8am class. I was running just a little late. No problem! Is what I told myself. Right as I am about to walk out the door my colon quickly reminds me that I need to take a dump. No problem! I can drop the kids off at the pool really quick and then get going. But nooooo. The shit i was about to take was going to be the most severe case of constipation I had ever endured.

I sat down and this god forsaken log was taking fucking forever to get out of my asshole. I squeezed and squeezed but i was making slow progress when i realized that I was going to be super late for this important class. I knew this log of doom was going to take an eternity so I had no other choice but to wiggle my ass back and forth and bring the shit back up into my ass. Bad choice...it only made its way halfway up before it just got stuck. I started to panic. I knew I only had one choice. (This is completely true) I raised my right hand into the air and clenched a fist. I pushed my asshole to the limit at that point in time and after 30 seconds of what seemed like child birth, I heard a plop. My butt hole was bleeding but i had done it!

I haven't heard of a successful story of being able to suck shit back into one's asshole. Congrats to you fine sir.