A moment of silence... : funny

I worked with a girl that was super fun, super hot and have like the most amazingly similar interests/movie/music tastes to mine. "No dipping in company ink" rule applied here, so I never made move on her, treated her as super cool friend for the whole time and I was ok with that.
I got promoted and changed my job almost entirely (different office, different location, no contact on business level etc) but we still contacted fairly regularly. Then she started to send me all those signals that almost screamed: "I am interested in you". Being an usual oblivious to female logic type of guy I thought: "Nah, I probably misinterpret her intentions". I talked with my friends (male and female) about it and they all told me: "Dude, go for it". So I did. I asked her out and I got: "I see you as a friend" response.
The thing is, that I was very much ok with her being my friend the whole time, but after she gave me all the signals it began to form "We would be freaking great together" thought at the back of my head. I asked her out, she rejected me, I was hurt pretty badly (actually I am surprised that it made that big of an impact on me).

If she says she's not into you, get on with your fucking life

Yeah, I am now (again) ok with being just friends with her, but I do relate to "this friendzone bullshit". I also started to notice that she is not really a person I would like to be with so it's all good right now :D.

TL;DR - Relationships tend to be little more complicated, it's not always: "You are a pussy, you didn't make a move on her and you whine about it".

[–]Pokethug 4 points5 points6 points 16 days ago

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[–]oldbear 2 points3 points4 points 16 days ago

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[–]YoungSerious 5 points6 points7 points 17 days ago

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[–]Lavarocked 8 points9 points10 points 17 days ago

[–]Highlighter_Freedom 3 points4 points5 points 16 days ago

That's not how things work, often. In some groups/communities, "going on a date" and "dating" are functionally the same thing. And visibly going out with a lot of different people can get you a nasty reputation pretty quickly. As much or more so than hooking up casually will.

I'm sure it varies from group to group. But I, for example, go to a small college (~1600 total students), where social circles usually overlap and gossip spreads pretty fast. There's no anonymity; by the time you've been here a few years, you know a very large portion of the student body at least in passing. So people pretty much know who's dating who.

I guess it's hard to explain, but basically "dates" tend to be done by existing couples. You can casually 'watch a movie' with someone you're attracted to (unwatched Netflix movies are probably responsible for half of the hookups on campus), but going on a formal date is somehow a bigger deal. There's an implication of exclusivity and commmitment there that makes the whole thing higher-profile. Basically it's one thing if you decide to watch a movie together and end up actually just watching the movie. That's no big deal. It's another if you actually go on one or more dates and then decide to stop seeing each other; that gets people talking.

I'm not saying this system makes sense, or is good. I'm not saying people ought to look at things this way. But it happens, at least some places. And in those places, "hanging out" is a much less risky option, for both of you, to see what happens and either commit or part ways amicably without racking up another failed relationship in the eyes of the gossip mill.