My response to all the people raging about getting speeding tickets.

ThaddeusJP · 17 days

I live in Chicago. Everyone is speeding to one degree or another. It's like a bunch of zebra every morning on the commute. Then, from nowhere.... a lion. Everyone sees that poor bastard that gets taken down. What do we do? We just keep running along and say "not me today!"

Edit: I watch a lot of nature shows. Also, spellin'

boolpies · 17 days

There's something creepy when you can hear a gif

Pokethug · 17 days

I had a buddy "run" from the police once. He didn't intentionally do it, because he didn't even know the cop was behind him for about 15 miles. Funny part is, he was driving a Ford Contour.

Nillix · 17 days

So, from a highway cop, here's a couple of ways to avoid getting picked out for a speeding ticket.

1) Stay out of the fast lane. It's like bait to a starving kitten.

2) Stick with the flow of traffic. Not "I was going with the flow of traffic, officer, I swear!" Actually stick to it. Pick a car in front of you, to your left, or right and PACE them (not in their blind spot, that's just foolish).

3) If you find yourself in a pack of cars ALL exceeding the speed limit, don't be the front or the rear car.

4) If there is a cop on the freeway, and he's already exceeding the speed limit by 5-10 MPH, don't pass him/her (seems like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised.)

5) LOOK at your speedometer once and a while. Cruise control (if you're one of the people that uses it) get's funky going downhill.

6) If you have big'ol penis compensatory tires on your lifted truck, unless you pay the money to have your speedometer re-calibrated (few do), your speed is going to show slightly slower on your gauge then you are actually going. If your gauge says 70 MPH, you're probably going 72-74.

7) If you do happen to be the one stopped, DON'T BE AN ASS! 99% of the time, the cop already knows when he steps out of his/her car if you're going to get a ticket or not. You can't talk yourself out of it. You CAN, however, talk yourself into it. Don't argue what you did, be a jerk, throw your information at us, or otherwise be an inconsiderate twat. Oh, and don't try to steal my pen. That's just rude.

Most of all, remember, we're doing our job. We're not out to get you personally, we're not just there to piss in your cheerios. Most of us have homes, families, bills, friends, and hobbies just like you. We're doing the job we were hired for, nothing less.

~~BONUS) Save the money you were going to spend on that snazzy radar detector. If it's going off, I've already visually estimated your speed and have it locked into my radar. They're a waste of money.~~ Plus, they don't work with LIDAR anyway, which accounts for a large percentage of our speed stops. They also don't do anything when I'm just hiding in your blind spot, pacing you in and out of traffic. It does make me giggle internally when I walk up to your car and see it in your window, though.

Probably been up here too long to bother with an edit, but I said I would. Note on radar detectors, since that's the one everyone seems to be focusing on (with good reason, my bonus is misleading):

The way I'm trained to use Radar is visually estimate a vehicle, then activate the radar and lock it in. if I'm just sitting on the side of the road watching cars and not actively scanning, my radar is not transmitting. If the cop is using his radar in this manner, the use of your radar detector goes way down. But if he's just keeping it running, the reflections may give you enough advance notice to make it worthwhile.

Any other unpopular cop redditors want to add to this list, feel free! I'm sure I'm missing a pointer or two.

Inukii · 17 days

Hyper Upvote here.

I sat and listened to my friend tell his story about how he plays chicken with a speed camera. He knows the Speed Camera is there. He speeds up and tries to get below the speed limit before he gets flashed. For weeks he said if he got a ticket he would have so many good excuses.

So one day he gets a ticket and for the whole week he bitched about how stupid speed cameras are and how lame it is he has to go to a compulsory speeding lecture.

ILL_Show_Myself_Out · 17 days

The speed limits where I'm from are a solid 10 mph below what a sane human being would drive.

KunduzCity2012 · 17 days

I had a roommate in college who would get at least one parking ticket a week. He left on time/late to campus and parked on the curb or in handicapped parking because there was no parking available. He received so many tickets they took his parking pass away and threatened to transfer all his infractions to the city police department to start adding points to his license. He continued to park in restricted spots or in student parking without a pass. Eventually got his license suspended and had to be driven everywhere for a year. Campaigned to have the campus PD shut down and remove parking restrictions to no success. All of that instead of just leaving the house 10 minutes earlier everyday.

armandozamora · 17 days

Can anyone tell me what movie this is?

dhcrazy333 · 17 days

I have mixed feelings about it.

On one hand, there are a lot of crazy bad drivers who speed WAY too much and are just quite dangerous, and deserve the ticket.

On the other, just because you speed/drive fast doesn't mean you aren't in control or being safe. You can speed and be a good, safe driver if you are aware of your surroundings and don't drive like an idiot. Stay in your lane, use your signals, don't cut people off, check blind spots, don't swerve in and out of lanes, etc.

ServoSkull · 17 days

75 in lots of Texas now, lots of assholes doing less than that. Feels like everyone was speeding before they changed the limit, and now everyone goes way under.

Infectios · 17 days

Heres the video of someones wants it

Skizmanic · 17 days

What a coincidence, my Valentine One just arrived today.

40kfreak · 17 days

Also my response when people bitch about being arrested for weed

cmiller1 · 17 days

Just paid a $175 ticket for going 61 in a 55, I wasn't really even paying attention and just following the guy in front of me on the highway, in the slow lane :(

hcfranklin14 · 17 days

[deleted]

cebarro · 17 days

Just do everyone a favor and stay to the right if you're not actively passing someone whatever the speed limit is.

It's the fucknaut in the fast lane consistently doing precisely the speed limit that pisses everyone else off.

EricWRN · 17 days

Yeah, submit to authority asshole!

BABY_BACK_BITCH · 17 days

Speed limits are put into place to keep the roads safe. However, most of the time the safest thing to do is to "keep up with traffic". If everyone on the interstate is doing 80, and the speed limit is 70. Semi trucks will be blowing past you while you putter down the road in the right lane. That shit is uncomfortable, fuck that.

Save_Me_Superman · 17 days

Let me just say, sometimes, the situation isn't as simple as you can think. Not everyone can afford shit, and sometimes, the state seems like it's out to get you.

I was homeless, living in my truck, when a state agent decided to fuck with me in a back parking lot that I had permission to sleep in. He fucking saw me in my sleeping bag, in below freezing temperatures, and he knocked on the window with his flashlight to wake me up around 3am. I explained I was destitute, down on my luck, but I had permission to be there...he asked for ID, said he'd be right back.......and handed me a ticket for expired registration. I told him I didn't even drive, I just slept there because I worked in the building, I obviously sleep there, and only turn the truck on to get the heater going for a little bit. He said, "Doesn't matter!" 300 dollar ticket that I obviously could not afford!

I was fucking pissed off, and he stayed behind me doing paperwork or some shit, so I started my car and drove out of the parking lot to get to one down the road. Right when I got on the street, he burned out, creating a smokescreen across the lot, revved up right behind my ass, flipped his lights on, and pulled me over. I was silent, with glaring eyes, seething in rage when he came to my window. He asked for my id, which I gave him with shaking hands....20 minutes later, he came back, and with a smile, handed me a 150 dollar ticket for not wearing my seatbelt. (This was all in North Carolina) I smiled as big as I could, told him he was a donkey dick sucking, cock finagling faggot, and I hope he got shot on duty in the fucking balls, so he would never know the pleasure of a man's asshole ever again. He laughed his fucking ass off and told me to have a good night. Right as he was leaving, he "tripped" and banged his flashlight against my back panel, making a huge dent. It was almost like he wanted me to fight him, but I know better than to use violence against a state agent - they can murder you and get a paid vacation for it.

The next day, he must have told his buddies about me, because I figured, well, I'm fucked anyway, might as well shower down at the gym less than a mile away! I got pulled over again. Got a ticket for 57 in a 45, literally pulled over right in front of the sign saying speed limit 55, the road changed from 45 to 55.

I called my parents, sold the truck, and now I'm living with them. Fuck you, officer in North Carolina. Fuck the system that extracts money from people at the point of a gun, that threatens to cage me for not harming anyone!!!

wardser · 17 days

the problem is that the cops don't enforce the law properly.

When you are on a highway, cops ignore anyone going under 70mph in a 55.

So when you do get popped for going 75mph...it's not a 5mph over ticket with no points, but a 20mph over ticket with 4 points

The fine itself is irrelevant...25 over is less than $200...while 5mph over is about $100...the problem is that those 4 points means that you'll get fucked for thousands by your insurance company.

If 70mph is the standard on the road...then how about you just make that the speed limit? Or if you think it's so dangerous, start enforcing the 55mph limit, so that everyone can see how ridiclious the speed limit is.

Why is a straight line 4 lane road with no turns have a 55mph speed limit from the 60s? Cars are a bit better nowadays.

djames10 · 17 days

The worst drivers are in Detroit.

Trust me.

ChangingtheSpectrum · 17 days

Y'know what, I honestly, truly believe that most accidents aren't caused by the people who are going ten or even fifteen over the speed limit. I'm pretty sure a lot of them are caused by people in the right hand lane who move to the left going 10 under, and refuse to pay attention to what's around them, or share some common courtesy. I feel like cops pulling people over causes the same thing. Some easily excitable fuck sees a cop pulling someone over and immediately slams on his breaks, hoping that the cop will stay with that guy and not randomly leave him be and chase after said excitable fuck.

fractal7 · 17 days

If you get caught for speeding, it is only your fault no one else's. Don't try to say that the speed limits are too low, they are what they are. If you think they are too low, then campaign to get them changed. The speed limits are there for a reason. Complaining they are too low probably only pertains to you.

baltakatei · 17 days

T-Rex: You know what? We totally can put an exact price on life, down to the nearest cent.

T-Rex: In fact, we do it all the time!

T-Rex: Every time we land somewhere on the gradient between safety and expense, we do it. If a new ambulance costs $100,000 but would likely save at least 100 lives while it was in use, and we decide NOT to buy it, then we're saying those particular lives aren't worth $1000. Ouch! Sorry, ambulance dudes!

Utahraptor: But maybe we don't have the money to buy an ambulance anyway!

T-Rex: Sure! It's not a perfect measurement.

T-Rex: All I'm saying is we ESTIMATE it all the time. Heck, you do it whenever you're paid hourly and you speed into work! Divide the extra money you get by being there sooner by the increase chance of death the added speed brings you, and you've just VALUED YOUR OWN LIFE.

Utahraptor: ...I - I guess so!

T-Rex: On the flip side, whenever housecleaners clean a bathroom, they're PAID to kill the bacteria there! So those tiny lives are worth negative dollars. And there's SO MANY bacteria, Utahraptor!

T-Rex: There are like a decazillion of them I am ALMOST certain

http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1609

hagen0 · 17 days

This is stupid. There are so many stupid laws that are broken on a regular basis. Highway patrol hands out speeding tickets to fund the highway patrol. It's a gigantic conflict of interest and laws are selectively enforced.

the_tch · 17 days

The only people I've seen get speeding tickets are people doing like 100 on the highway and going fast on back roads. I routinely go 80+ on the highway, along with everyone else, and I never see anyone getting pulled over it. As long as everyone's going the same speed, it's not a big deal. It's only when there's someone darting around like crazy when it gets dangerous.

NastyKnate · 17 days

part of the problem happened years ago. im in ontario, and i know it happened all over north america. gas prices went up and speed limits went down. each one apparently with a promise that they would be put back higher eventually. this never happened. i drive on a highway with a speed limit of 100km/h... IIRC its designed for speeds in excess of 180kmh. limits are too low, and i think thats why most bitch.

personally, i dont care how fast youre driving, just dont be a douche about it. dont tailgate, swerve, remember to signal, and, most importantly, please remain patient

muffley · 17 days

Relevant xkcd

image

andrewsj1 · 17 days

you are too young to drive arent you. either way, you have to understand, speed limits have been seet for a LONG time. Average cars were only safe at 65 many years ago. If you went fast it fucking rattled and you really had no control. my car got up to 90 on a downhill and i didn't even notice cuz it was so smooth. Not even a big deal car, 08 altima coupe. cars now can handle faster speeds with control and better breaking, therefore, more people feel safe going 80.

akallio9000 · 17 days

Insurance companies lobby for lower speed limits "for the public safety", but it's actually so when anybody doesn't obey the absurdly low speed limit, he gets a ticket and has his premiums tripled. And insurance is required by these lobbyists efforts, for extra flavor. And these are the people that Obamacare will put in charge of even more of your money.

Okieslims · 17 days

speed traps are the ultimate "thank you for paying me to knuckle bust your anus tax payer"

JKwingsfan · 17 days

Wow, really? People like you make me want to just pull my hair out. Hurr durr, it's the law, better follow it. If I'm driving at a safe, reasonable speed -- the law is supposed to keep us safe, right? -- why should I be ticketed?

If the speed limit is 70, but the roads are icy and I'm going 65, I deserve a damn ticket. If I'm on the freeway and traffic is moving at 85, it's fucking stupid to single someone out for a ticket. If it's a vacant, straight, smooth highway, I can safely go over 90. Speed limits exist to drum up revenue. Outside of residential areas, the evidence that speed limits decrease the number of traffic fatalities is piss poor. In fact, there is good evidence that the OPPOSITE is actually true.

Here's the first article with an abstract that summarizes the relevant information that popped when I searched "speed limits" on Google scholar. http://trid.trb.org/view.aspx?id=117002

Shows that altering the posted speed limit has a statistically insignificant effect on the speed of traffic; drivers basically go the speed they feel safe and comfortable at: http://trid.trb.org/view.aspx?id=478018

derp.

mayonesa · 17 days

It's a hidden tax.

Our road system is totally dysfunctional yet apparently it's the best we have.

The cops are just raking in the profit.

DrOPotnic · 17 days

Speeding saves me a solid fifteen to twenty minutes a day (I have a long commute to work) I don't speed excessively, but technically I AM breaking the law. It doesn't effect anyone other than me, how does that make me an asshole?

kelustu · 17 days

1.) Not funny and it's on r/funny. 2.) I would love it if you could find me some statistic that linked speeding to anything actually bad. I'm not talking about drunk drivers who are also speeding. My stopping time is significantly shorter than other cars. I also have never crashed or gotten a ticket, but speed regularly (looking over your shoulder for cops is not hard). If I speed on a freeway at 3 in the morning when there are ZERO other cars around, and I'm going 85 in a 65, I'm perfectly within the bounds of reason to complain about the lack of logic in my actions being considered wrong.

BelievesItsNotButter · 17 days

You just have to understand the courts. I've had three and yet all three were dropped.

daily24 · 17 days

For all those commenting about the Chicago traffic. While that is true for Chicago itself and the toll roads that is not true for some of the northern suburbs and towns. IMHO. In McHenry county they will legally profile you and cause you to lose your license and possibly the car. They profile everyone so they get away with it. If you are not speeding but fit one of numerous profiles they will start piling them on until your license and car is gone. Doing a delivery job cost me 3k. Lake county itself does not do this but watch out for some of the towns in Lake county because they do. So no you do not need to break the law to get speeding tickets/traffic violations in Illinois. Just a lot of really shady low to medium IQ & EQ law enforcement. They are law enforcement and give a rats ass about protecting and serving for the most part. They are there only to enforce the law. BTW former police officer here.

logicalthinker1 · 17 days

I'm sorry but the only people who get in accidents are dumb shits. They could be drifting into another lane, not checking their blind spots, driving like a fucking maniac, or going slower than dialup.

It's not about fast drivers and slow drivers. It's about people who are aware of everything around them and people who drive with a blindfold on.

GROD_IZ_GRATE · 17 days

Just got a speeding ticket. Come to Reddit to unwind, and then there's this. Great.

Jman5 · 17 days

Holy shit. Apparently Reddit is full of people who go 55 in a 55.

aaronin · 17 days

I have a great idea. How about instead of forcing our cops to pull us over and selectively tax those of us with red cars to ensure that our police departments can stay in business, we should all agree to raise our taxes by enough to ensure our cops are well funded.

funny

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