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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]hopsinduo 503 points504 points ago

I have currently got a sport of subtly insinuating that certain sexual acts have taken place, between my girlfriend and I, to her farther... It's no fun with her mother. She retaliated by explaining the magnitude of her husbands cock and how during oral it is quite the inconvenience.

[–]nin_ninja 160 points161 points ago

[–]ColeSloth 39 points40 points ago

Really shows how great the comic is, and good god how much better a guy can get when he draws the same character over 5000 times. The artwork just keeps getting more and more polished.

[–]theodrixx 10 points11 points ago

He's still not a great artist, but at least he's consistent now.

[–]ColeSloth 17 points18 points ago

He knocks out 5 strips a week. I'll cut him some slack.

[–]ArtfulJack 2 points3 points ago

I guess I'm at the point where I would probably enjoy the comic regardless of what he put in it.

[–]Ceejae 239 points240 points ago

Most epic sounding mother ever. I hope for your benefit that some of it rubbed off on her daughter.

[–]mstacle 309 points310 points ago

Now that's just gross.

[–]FECAL_ATTRACTION 68 points69 points ago

I'm taking notes here.

[–]sops-sierra-19 24 points25 points ago

HUGE SUCCESS

[–]HEROoftheBRINE 9 points10 points ago

ITS HARD TO UNDERSTAND OVERSTATE MY SATISFACTION

EDIT THANKS FOR CATCHING MY FAIL

[–]16AngryBears 38 points39 points ago

Overstate---> Understate ---> Understand.

You are two degrees of wrong here.

[–]Ravek 62 points63 points ago

I hope for your benefit that some of it rubbed off on her daughter.

Some of her husband's ...?

You disgust me, reddit.

[–]iacuras 46 points47 points ago

[–]fapping_like_a_pig 33 points34 points ago

You turned into a gay Japanese man?

[–]Cerblu 20 points21 points ago

Oh my!

[–]Likestechlongtime 7 points8 points ago

will always be read in his voice

[–]VanRasmus 7 points8 points ago

That's a dramatic fap facial expression, you got there.

[–]kemushi_warui 21 points22 points ago

Some of it rubbed off on her daughter...

Oh, the cool attitude, right, right, of course! Not the massive dad-cock. What was I thinking!

Edit: Damn it, too long rubbing it off again. Story of my life.

[–]fastdub 8 points9 points ago

Her dads huge cock? Yeah I was hoping for that too.

[–]Tragu 14 points15 points ago

Have you talked to your girlfriend's nearer?

[–]Wintergore 6 points7 points ago

I retaliated by stating the magnitude of her daughters cock and how during oral it is quite the inconvenience.

[–]HomieHavko 5 points6 points ago

Tagged you as, puts the b in subtle.

[–]depvetteguy 2 points3 points ago

I first read this in the context that your girlfriend has a husband. I'm not sure which I find more amusing yet but I will get back with you. However, I do think your girlfriend's mom is awesome.

[–]RageGodReed 11 points12 points ago

Theres a Brazzers premise in this, i just know it

[–]Scooder 146 points147 points ago

Friend of mine was in his girlfriend's parent's van. He's riding shotgun, dad's driving, gf and mom behind. They're driving home from some kind of party/get together, he's tipsy as per usual... gf says something snarky, he turns around and replies 'When we get home, I'm gonna stick it in your BUTT'.

[–]retracedylan 37 points38 points ago

Haha. How did the turn out?

[–]Scooder 48 points49 points ago

About as good as something like that could. Apparently it was silent for a while.

[–]K1dn3yPunch 49 points50 points ago

shitty

[–]Armed_To_The_Teets 90 points91 points ago

He stuck it in her butt

[–]silentnoise 12 points13 points ago

It went okay.

[–]qwertywtf 25 points26 points ago

The strangest thing about this story is that he was riding shotgun with her mum in the back

[–]Seicair 17 points18 points ago

Maybe he was tall enough to get automatic shotgun in any vehicle with considerate passengers.

[–]PirateBatman 19 points20 points ago

Ah the Classic Extra-height auto shotty. Making car rides classier for us Vertically gifted folk.

[–]Teh_Pwnererer 3 points4 points ago

A friends dad was driving me and him to a party and we were both sort of drunk, call up one of our friends and put him on speaker phone and the first thing he says is "YO guys, did you hear friend3 got head from that slut at your place last night?" referring to buddy who's dad was driving.

Very awkward few minutes after that

[–]biscuit_0 78 points79 points ago

My boyfriend and I stayed at his family home for the weekend during the first year of college, and we had started up some files on Pokemon Silver and Gold and were in the middle of a trade. His mom pokes her head in the door to say goodnight and asks, "What are you doing?" and my boyfriend replies, "Trading Pokemon".

His mother pauses, looks at me, and says "...I'm not so sure THAT'S what she wants [boyfriend name]". She leaves, and we just looked at each other and said "Did she.........?"

[–]only1time 18 points19 points ago

giggity

[–]PANCAKE_TIME 13 points14 points ago

"I think your mom just gave us permission to start doing it!"

[–]dodecaheytheredron 20 points21 points ago

I was in the car with my then girlfriend, her parents and her younger sister. My then girlfriend brought up the topic of her squeaky bed, and how it made a noise, as if the bolt wasn't tight enough. Most uncomfortable car ride of my life.

[–]MisaMisa21 77 points78 points ago

What did you say?

[–]somechineseguy 190 points191 points ago

They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!

[–]1337and0 60 points61 points ago

Gard g-g-g-gard

[–]PretentiousLatinWord 32 points33 points ago

A Balrog of Morgoth

[–]snecko 30 points31 points ago

Tell me, where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him.

[–]chilldude_22 16 points17 points ago

Stupid fat hobbit

[–]SpelingTroll 12 points13 points ago

Leave now, and never come back!

[–]p1kachu 10 points11 points ago

backbackbackbackbackbackback

[–]Shalaiyn 2 points3 points ago

As someone pointed out, it also sounds like "For I much desire to sleep with him."

I hate that part now. Thanks Internet!

[–]AfricanBurrito 10 points11 points ago

[–]wannabecarttonist 3 points4 points ago

Thanks for sharing. Internet hug

[–]Othy 11 points12 points ago

Thanks, now that's gonna be stuck in my head all day.

[–]CritterM72800 17 points18 points ago

HE SAID HE ACCIDENTALLY MENTIONED THEIR SEX LIFE TO HIS GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTS

[–]MisaMisa21 7 points8 points ago

...specifically what

[–]Unlikely_True 9 points10 points ago

I awoke the next morning with my chamber of squelch still draining. I thought it was over but my greasy slimelight had other ideas. There was steamin' semen foaming from my cunt stretcher and she was wetter than an English summer. We were ready for more. Her mouth was so full of cervix cigar and baby gravy, the cock snot was salivating down her chin and onto my fiery biscuits. Leaving her panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as my love muscle stuffed deeper into her turd-herder. With my gristle missile fucking deep into her ground zero grotto, the sensation of my tenderloin truncheon smashing her cervix made me quiver like Vanessa Feltz's diesel-powered vibrator.

[–]MisaMisa21 10 points11 points ago

wat

[–]grimslo 150 points151 points ago

My fiancée and I just had our first child this month. She is 22, and I am 23. When we told her mother that she was pregnant, her response was "What?! When did you start having sex? I thought you were still a virgin!" We have been sleeping in the same bed for three years, and we even had an apartment on our own for one of those years. I guess she thought we were waiting for marriage.

[–]gothams_reckoning 37 points38 points ago

I think it's that they want to believe. Like if you keep telling the lie, then it becomes true becuase in their eyes...she's still "their baby girl."

[–]b0w3n 26 points27 points ago

It's some sort of parental disconnect, you're right.

No one can think that hey, my parents fucked each other to make me. Or hey, I bet my son fucks the shit out of his wife.

This is how I think some people react when they sit down for a second and realize that pretty much everyone is fucking someone or some thing. Their parents, their grandparents, their children, their children's children.

[–]gawbbloof 14 points15 points ago

their hands... their couches...

[–]DumbUsername420 2 points3 points ago

That roasted turkey on Thanksgiving. That old shoe behind the GoodWill on Birch Street.

[–]blackmatter615 8 points9 points ago

most of them probably have had sex in the last 48 hours. Just ponder that for a nonce.

[–]Frigguggi 13 points14 points ago

A friend of mine lived with his fiancee for a couple of years before they got married. The whole time, she was telling her parents that they were sleeping in separate beds. I'm sure nobody was fooled, and it was just a convenient fiction that everyone tacitly agreed to abide by.

[–]tastycat 5 points6 points ago

There's a running joke in my family about bunk beds whenever anyone moves in with their SO.
Even my hyper-Catholic grandma knows what's what.

[–]Atheistus 30 points31 points ago

i am sorry for you getting a kid at that age.

[–]zXxxxxXxxxXxxxXz 13 points14 points ago

Unless they both make enough money to support the kid. I say it's fine then. Just don't be one of those parents that takes their kids with them in a stroller on public transit and looks like they want to kill themselves. While their kids are screaming their heads off.

[–]grimslo 7 points8 points ago

I can financially support our family with my job, we both hate crying kids in public with neglectful parents, and we are both very happy he exists!

[–]zXxxxxXxxxXxxxXz 2 points3 points ago

Good! Those are the kind of parents I like!

[–]Torger083 1 point2 points ago

Then Good on you, propagating the species.

[–]grimslo 7 points8 points ago

Sorry for what? I'm really happy about it!

[–]hippo_sized_pen15 12 points13 points ago

I have a similar story. My dad was telling me my (step)mom still thinks all three of her sons(ages 26, 24,and 21) are virgins. She still believes this even though my oldest brother has a son.

[–]fireinthesky7 14 points15 points ago

She still believes this even though my oldest brother has a son.

I want to know what she's on and where I can get some.

[–]Shalaiyn 5 points6 points ago

The crane brought him a son, obviously.

[–]frodegar 10 points11 points ago

A crane is only used for babies who exceed the stork's weight limit.

[–]Jonny_Watts 6 points7 points ago

My stepmom is too paranoid about that thing, but I have an older brother who is 19 and has a girlfriend and has a room to himself. He also constantly spends the night at her house and she just shows up here when she wants. She even has her own spot at our dinner table.

I won't speculate what he does in the upstairs bedroom as long as he doesn't speculate what I do in the living room at 2 am.

[–]RugerRedhawk 5 points6 points ago

What the hell do you do in the living room at 2 am?

[–]Jonny_Watts 4 points5 points ago

I'll give you a hint. I don't have a bedroom.

[–]RugerRedhawk 2 points3 points ago

That sucks

[–]Joghobs 1 point2 points ago

My girlfriend was coming to my parents house to meet them and stay the weekend. The conversation that week went something like this:

Mom: Do you want me kick your sister out of her room for your girlfriend?

me: uhm no. She's staying in my room.

Mom: Oh! I wasn't sure if her parents knew and were ok with it (she's 20 so nofucksgiven.PNG) I've always been a little more traditional when it comes to that

My mom was 5 months pregnant on her wedding day.

[–]CannibalBanana 341 points342 points ago

So semi related:

Girlfriend (19) mentions that she had told her mum that we've had sex. At first I'm all like ohgodwhy.jpg. Then she tells me that her mum cracked open two beers, kept one to drink and gave the other to my gf, and said "Look at this. My daughter's in college, I'm fine with her drinking a beer, AND she's getting laid."

That went a lot better than expected.

[–]sometypeofperson 189 points190 points ago

erhsjbfajfdsjkadsfhjaldsrakjerkahsfdkhj beer fdsjkdfhslfdskahjfasdhfskaf laid.

[–]Nekomii 30 points31 points ago

You forgot fine with.

[–]LaterGatorPlayer 12 points13 points ago

Maybe sometypeofperson likes it better when the sex isn't condoned.

[–]TheDroopy 3 points4 points ago

I see "jerk" in there

[–]Ceejae 108 points109 points ago

Not trying to sound condescending, but were you really expecting her to react particularly negatively for a 19 year old daughter?

I just can't imagine a mother thinking that a daughter and her boyfriend weren't having sex at that age. Unless you're in one of those religious areas you've got in the states, I guess.

[–]Clippyrip 36 points37 points ago

To the contrary...I'm 39 and my girlfriend is 33, when she mentioned to her mom that we were thinking of moving in together, her mom said "honey you know living together can lead to sex".

[–]HMS_Pathicus 8 points9 points ago

Wow. Just wow.

[–]EvlLeperchaun 136 points137 points ago

I'm fairly certain my girlfriends parents would react negatively. I'm 25. She's 23. We've been together for 3 years.

[–]CynAq 31 points32 points ago

That sucks. My girlfriend's father is also her gynecologist, prescribes her pills and shit.

[–]qu4d 41 points42 points ago

Whoaaa, that's some freaky shit!

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points ago

girlfriend's father is also her gynecologist

ಠ_ಠ

[–]TheArtisticSpectrum 73 points74 points ago

"Hey there sweety, how was your day? Did your mom tell you we're having lasagna tonight?

...Oh, and relax a bit, I need to jam my hand up your cooch."

[–]balls_of_glory 2 points3 points ago

we're having lasagna tonight?

ಠ_ಠ

[–]evilbob 27 points28 points ago

That is sooooo wrong. Just. No.

[–]The_Red_Link 25 points26 points ago

ohhhgodwhyyy

[–]RecQuery 4 points5 points ago

Isn't that a major conflict of interest. I thought there was something in medical ethics about treating family members.

[–]ell0bo 84 points85 points ago

I was a 23 year old dating a 20 year old. I was doing a COOP in Raleigh, NC, and she was in DC. At one point I was talking to her father, and he said to me "I know you're not driving 6 hours just to hang out with my daughter, just be smart about it".

I actually think the thing I miss the most about that relationship is her parents.

[–]qwer777 18 points19 points ago

Oh jeez, I really miss one of my exes' mother. She was the best cook I've ever met.

[–]NuclearPotatoes 55 points56 points ago

I miss her meth too man

[–]Crjbsgwuehryj 1 point2 points ago

I know that feeling, man.

[–]phychoticsilence 14 points15 points ago

I'm 22, bf is 21. We've been together 3 years and we're done with college. My mother has this strict idea that we can't live together unless we are married. And she knows we've done the nasty.

[–]nallelcm 9 points10 points ago

is that stopping you?

[–]JamesFuckinLahey 9 points10 points ago

You should never marry someone you haven't lived with for an extended amount of time.

[–]iwillbe 1 point2 points ago

They've actually shown that there really isn't a difference between the two.

[–]Roboticide 18 points19 points ago

Yeah, same. Not quite as old as you but my parents allegedly waited until marriage to do it, and were not pleased to find me having sex 'early'. My dad's pretty cool with it now, but mentioning it in front of my mother is asking for it.

[–]AnotherDumbQuestion 20 points21 points ago

In the same boat homie, good luck to us :\

edit: ITT, redditors who have never lied to their potential in-laws

[–]evilbob 14 points15 points ago

Grow a fucking pair. Both of you.

[–]CopperHarmonica 1 point2 points ago

That sucks ass, I've never had to lie to girlfriends parents, nor have I met any parent that would be pissed to find out their son or daughter was having sex (over the age of 16 of course). Then again I've never met a creationist or overtly religious person face to face, intolerance of sexual behaviour tends to fall well in line with religion it seems.

[–]Ceejae 8 points9 points ago

Do they still hold on to the view that sex should wait until marriage? Or are they just the sort of parents that refuse to see that their daughter isn't their little girl any more?

[–]ishkeebibels 12 points13 points ago

It's almost always this. Even when they are against it for religious reasons.

Edit: also, the worry of the parents of needing to take care of a new child since having a baby before you're financially responsible means they must step in.

[–]Lj27 3 points4 points ago

When I was 25 and my gf was 24, her dad caught me jackhammering his daughter in their basement. True story

[–]madworld 1 point2 points ago

cut the cord!

[–]CopperHarmonica 9 points10 points ago

wow, just wow. May I ask where your from?

[–]attack_goblin 9 points10 points ago

Last year, my mom asked my older sister (who was living with her fiancé) whether a full-size bed is comfortable enough for two people, and I chimed in and said that it was. She looked at me and said "How do you know??"

I'm 28.

[–]Tarblz 6 points7 points ago

My parents would react negatively and I'm 20 and they live hours away.

[–]Lillipout 5 points6 points ago

As a parent, it's one of those things you would just rather not know too much about.

[–]MartinLutherBlingJr 10 points11 points ago

This absolutely does happen. The girl I'm seeing now (she's 19) told me she's been yelled at by her mom in the past for admitting she's had sex before marriage. I can understand a parent being protective of their child but she's an adult now who can make her own decisions, and her mom's reasons are based entirely on religious beliefs. It's unfortunate that there's still parents who teach their children that sex is this shameful thing rather than properly educating them about it.

[–]Purpose2 5 points6 points ago

Been living with my girlfriend for almost a year now - her parents know we're having sex, shes 25 and I'm 23. etc.

However, my girlfriend refuses to admit that her parents think we are. She thinks they are blissfully unaware of this fact.

[–]Cronusd 32 points33 points ago

It's just so weird to think a 19 years old adult can't drink a beer or two...Where i live parents encourage you to start drinking at 14-15 with everyone else

[–]TheDudePenguin 73 points74 points ago

BUT THEN WOULDN'T THE 14-15 YEAR OLDS BECOME ALCOHOLICS AND START SHOOTING METH??

[–]Askeladden 94 points95 points ago

And then they die from injecting too many whole marijuanas :/ True story.

[–]lockster 43 points44 points ago

4 whole marijuanas, to be exact

[–]louisaahh 20 points21 points ago

this has to stop. I'm calling my representative.

[–]robbyk123 22 points23 points ago

This hash to stop?

[–]mouseknuckle 23 points24 points ago

Thish hash to shtop?

Had to go full Connery there.

[–]Tarblz 27 points28 points ago

I think 14-15 is a little too young, even if you have the most carefree attitude towards alcohol.

It's been shown that drinking at younger ages can cause issues with the development of the brain. At 14-15 your brain is still developing and alcohol can affect the process.

Edit: Source

According to the abstract these changes were observed after binge drinking. It doesn't mention how the effects change depending on if it is just light drinking. They may disappear altogether, or only be present in a reduced form.

Someone else is going to have to find the abstract on that research.

[–]Cronusd 17 points18 points ago

Still it's legal in few European countries to buy alcohol at the age of 16. Almost every group of 15-year old's have at least couple friends who can get beer for them.

[–]Duckylicious 9 points10 points ago

In Germany it's legal to buy it at age 14 if you have a parent/guardian with you AFAIK. So if you're at a beer garden with your parents and they're cool with it, you are free to order a beer.

Also, they don't tend to ID much. If you're trying to get into a nightclub or buy hard booze (both of which require being 18), they'll look twice, but if you're just trying to buy beer or wine, most people won't give a fuck unless you look like you literally just walked out of elementary school. I was a year younger than everyone in my class, so we were going out drinking when everyone was 16 and I was only 15, and not once did I get challenged on it.

(PS: Not saying that's a good thing. Teenage binge drinking is a problem. But it's certainly a contrast from going to the States and being ID'd at every other place when you're 25.)

[–]Grizdango 11 points12 points ago

There's no better way to shut a 10 year old up at the dinner table than give them a glass of wine with their dinner. They really make an effort to act like a grown up if you treat them like one.

[–]hejner 18 points19 points ago

It seems like most of northern Europe is doing alright, even if most of us started drinking at that age.

[–]ell0bo 2 points3 points ago

I'm from the US, and that's when I started drinking with my family. Granted, we have Germany heritage, so... that might have something to do with it.

[–]mbrowne 11 points12 points ago

Not at all. What you do is allow a little alcohol with a meal, not a massive binge. That way they learn about it over a few years, with parents in control, rather than all at once when they go off to university.

It worked nicely.

[–]Purpose2 13 points14 points ago

Its the whole reason you get the drunk driving epidemic that the Americans have.

As they aren't able to drink till 21, and can drive at 16... whenever they CAN get their hands on alcohol they drink far too much of it, because its few and far between.

Its breeding binging.

[–]evilbob 3 points4 points ago

A glass of wine or a beer with dinner is not going to do any harm. As long as you educate them, it removes the taboo, and therefore, the excitement aspect of drinking.

[–]Jaerdo 2 points3 points ago

Drinking does not equal binge drinking. A beer or some watered wine is fine.

[–]Lillipout 2 points3 points ago

In a lot of places in the US, you can drink at an early age in private locations with parental consent. I started sharing wine at family dinners at age 12. First beer at 13 from my grandma and first hard liquor from my mom at 17. I never liked the stuff and am now a teetotaler.

[–]bellends 10 points11 points ago

I had sex for the first time when I had freshly turned 16 (and before you make any faces in disgust; I'm Swedish, relax. Age of consent is 16 in most European countries) and my boyfriend at the time was 17.

One day after he had spent the night at mine, my mum comes into my room with the usual "hi sweetie" and humdrum picking up laundry and whathaveyou, and making casual conversation when suddenly:

"oh, and by the way - so I found some condom wrappers in the other room and I think that if you're going to be doing THAT, then you should keep it as safe as possible.. so whilst condoms are great, I'm thinking I'll take you down to the doctor's on thursday and we can get you on the pill? OK, great. Dinner in five!"

I have never been so stunned in my life.

tl;dr - liberal Swedish upbringing is healthy for your sex life.

[–]PongApp 3 points4 points ago

Similar experience to this. I'm a white guy dating an Asian girl. She is the best thing that's happened to me. We're coming up on our third year of dating, but to get to the story.

Her parents aren't too strict compared to most Asian standards but there is still that feeling of, oh god what would happen if they ever found out all the things we were doing sexually?

Well we were running low on condoms so I picked some up at the store and dropped them off at her house one day so she could put them in her room. She texts me and says that she left them on the counter of the kitchen because she was making food and forgot and now they're gone and she's freaking out.

5 minutes later I get another text that her mom came in and handed her the condoms and just smiled, gave her a thumbs up, and said to be careful about leaving them where her dad might see.

TL;DR: My asian GF's mom likes me enough that she doesn't care I'm having sex with her daughter.

[–]IngGoodface 54 points55 points ago

[–]centurijon 10 points11 points ago

XKCD always has something relevant, I'm constantly amazed

[–]Seicair 3 points4 points ago

..I didn't even have to click to recall the entire comic's text and title-text word for word.

Perhaps I should go outside more...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Znt 24 points25 points ago

Did you also high-five the dad with your other hand?

[–]BHSPitMonkey 16 points17 points ago

Same hand actually.

[–]Nothing_Impresses_Me 20 points21 points ago

As a father, It would have been a reflex to slap you off her then get the hose.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Nothing_Impresses_Me 9 points10 points ago

haha no doubt. Like I said, simple reflexes, no thought involved.

[–]Kunkletown 7 points8 points ago

So... you'd be joining in then? That's gross.

[–]pingthepong 18 points19 points ago

didn't skip a beat?

[–]Anonymous7k 26 points27 points ago

Just stared and finished. like a champ

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]collinc2343 50 points51 points ago

SHITTY WATERCOLOR NOW!

[–]TheDroopy 19 points20 points ago

Was your finger still in the butthole? I imagine seeing her father made her clench up a bit.

[–]brownbeard 15 points16 points ago

[–]Rodalli 15 points16 points ago

How are you still alive?

[–]pinkybones 8 points9 points ago

Yes, I see, and how did that go?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]RadLens 30 points31 points ago

[–]thegavin 0 points1 point ago

[–]ipassedoutindennys 7 points8 points ago

Sorry buddy you don't have me beat. I fucked her on the couch while her brother was sitting on the chair 3 feet beside us.

[–]NoDiggityNoDoubt 13 points14 points ago

I have everyone beat... and have yet to find someone with a better story.

Her and I were on the couch "spooning" while her father was in his recliner five feet away, and her mother and sister were on the floor. All watchin' TV. Blew it in her two separate times.

The best part was the next day when her mother scolded the dog for licking itself to ejaculation on the couch.

[–]skybike 2 points3 points ago

That's actually pretty hot.

[–]umokumok 27 points28 points ago

This whole situation has just turned our sex life upside-down face.

[–]ShadowRam 17 points18 points ago

Same reaction,

When I said to my father-in-law who shaved what was left of his beard off due to chemo and was then sporting an epic mustache.

"You look like Jack Layton!"

/facepalm

[–]not_a_dragon 17 points18 points ago

At first I was like "What's wrong with that, Jack Layton was awesome", then I realized you were telling a guy with cancer that he looks like a guy who died of cancer :/

[–]nicklogan 26 points27 points ago

Similar thing happened with my girlfriend (now wife) and I. A little backstory, her dad (6'4" 260lbs) was in prison for homicide and I (5'6" 150lbs) only met him one other time (locked up then too).

Story: I said "Yeah she was so tired and wasn't used to me sleeping next to her that after moving my stuff into her place she rolled over and smacked me in the face to turn off the alarm."

Dad: serious scowl

Me: oblivious, then slowly realized what I said..

Dad: stopped and just laughed

Me: excuse me while I go clean the turtle of of my pants.

Gf/wife: a while afterwards "well everything went better than expected."

Me: "are you fucking kidding me? He almost killed me when he found out I was fucking his only daughter!"

Gf/wife: "oh I told him before, he was just fucking with you!"

[–]RugerRedhawk 4 points5 points ago

What did you say that was bad? Did he not know that you were living together?

[–]Pike1914 11 points12 points ago

Can't remember context of gif from the show. Any help?

[–]kittymaridameowcy 7 points8 points ago

I believe I look at my boyfriend like this at least twice a day.

[–]mcknicker 11 points12 points ago

Accidently how?

Mother: "Would you like some peas?"
You: "No thanks, ever since your daughter discovered an insatiable urge to stick my penis into her mouth literally 24 hours a day, I've found that peas don't quite agree with me. She also loves anal."

[–]Mushiemallows 12 points13 points ago

When I told my mum that me and my boyfriend had sex (at 16 years of age...) she said "Ooh, my baby is growing up!" and got all happy. Is that a strange reaction...?

[–]souldonkey 5 points6 points ago

I go on a canoe trip every year with my wife's father and brothers. 3rd year I went with them (not married yet) I made a joke about enjoying doggy style in front of all of them. Her dad and oldest brother laughed their asses off and her other 2 brothers fist bumped me. I think you're doing it wrong if this is not the reaction you received.

To be fair though, this trip is men only and that may have played a part in their reaction to this news.

[–]dangoodspeed 9 points10 points ago

My girlfriend mentioned it at my family's Thanksgiving dinner. Fortunately only my siblings heard, and not my parents or grandmother :-p

[–]Blazingcrono 9 points10 points ago

...or so you think...

[–]VomitEverywhere 8 points9 points ago

One time I was eating dinner with my ex and her parents and I said I wanted a set of ben wah balls. I thought I was talking about the Chinese chime balls that you rotate in your hands to relax. I think her parents figured out what I was talking about. They didn't react in a way that suggested that they thought I was referring to the vaginal exercise balls.

[–]bezitazita 7 points8 points ago

My boyfriend's parents found out we had a sex life. Mind you, we're in our 20's, but I don't think anything besides marriage can take away this reaction.

[–]mbrowne 14 points15 points ago

It depends on lots of things. I certainly didn't expect my kids to wait for marriage - in fact, I think that is a bloody stupid idea - so finding out that they have sex lives was fine for me.

I just don't want any details.

[–]Nebulaoblivion 8 points9 points ago

Frankly I don't understand how parents could think their children aren't having sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend.

[–]not_a_dragon 2 points3 points ago

I know right? As soon as I got a serious boyfriend my mom made sure I went on the pill. She expected that we would be having sex.

[–]Shadesoflight 17 points18 points ago

This belongs in /r/reactiongifs , but it still made me chuckle. Here's an upvote.

[–]MichaelApproved 28 points29 points ago

Half the stuff in /r/funny these days belongs in /r/reactiongifs

[–]ExtraCheesed_Buddha 23 points24 points ago

More than half the stuff on r/funny lately belongs in completely different subreddits

[–]mswench 32 points33 points ago

*More than half the stuff on /r/funny just shouldn't have been posted at all

[–]Albub 5 points6 points ago

That is the other half of stuff.

[–]i_are_pant 2 points3 points ago

I like half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve...someone make it relevant

[–]Albub 2 points3 points ago

Don't put that evil on me Ricky Bobby.

[–]lawlshane 36 points37 points ago

How do you accidentally do that? "So I was struggling to get my limp dick in your daughter the other day and I thought to myself, gee, her mom makes some great dinner!"

You're probably just using a bullshit story to post a stupid gif and get karma.

[–]Beakerbite 96 points97 points ago

Girl: "Ow my knee."

Mom: "What's wrong with your knee?"

Girl: "Oh I scrapped it against the carpet."

Boyfriend: "I told you we need knee pads. :D"

Dad: ಠ_ಠ

[–]joe100su 30 points31 points ago

10/10, use of moray.

[–]Ricolientje 31 points32 points ago

Something about sleeping over and making a joke about not sleeping much.

That's how I screwed up.

[–]psychicsword 2 points3 points ago

"Because the neighbors keep playing music at 2am"

[–]Klathmon 14 points15 points ago

It's actually kind of easy to let some things slip.

Just the other day my gf and her mom were talking about shampoo when her mom said something like "you only need a pea sized amount" and she said "even klathmon uses more than that!"

[–]nickdude77 6 points7 points ago

But what's wrong with guys using sha--Oooohhhhhhh

[–]TheDroopy 2 points3 points ago

I still don't get it.

Edit: I get it.

[–]Ryouko192 1 point2 points ago

I don't. I feel like I did when I was six and the adults in the room would tell me it was an adult conversation when I asked what something meant.

Edit: Got it.

[–]ArcadianMess 10 points11 points ago

[–]DirtyMonday 3 points4 points ago

My girlfriend's father jokes with me about it. Not usually anything more than a "That's what she said" type joke though, noting specific. Really awkward for her but we get a good laugh.

[–]AdamDeVine 3 points4 points ago

The details are overwhelming...

[–]davidofderbyshire 2 points3 points ago

How did you bring it up?