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Whenever I'm driving at all (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by superharmlessman

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[–]vandoh 118 points119 points ago

"Oh shit a cop! I better keep doing exactly what im already doing so he doesnt pull me over!.....whew that was a close call, man"

[–]LookLikeJesus 41 points42 points ago

I think this is partially an nth-order consequence of marijuana prohibition. I'm a law abiding citizen is almost every way. The occasional download or speeding, sure, but the only serious law I've ever broken is that I smoke weed erryday. If that weren't illegal, I wonder if I'd still live in constant terror of being pulled over.

[–]Xenks 17 points18 points ago

Yes. -Someone who doesn't break any serious laws.

[–]compromised_account 5 points6 points ago

Puffin on blunts aint no game!

[–]Xenks 5 points6 points ago

Nonsmoker. Just like the content in the reddit sometimes. So far in my life I've failed to experience drugs or alcohol. I can't afford breakfast food, let alone recreational drugs.

[–]compromised_account 2 points3 points ago

yeah that is fair enough i was just being goofy anyways.

[–]brbposting -2 points-1 points ago

You're on reddit right now, reading my message. Stop! Go to mturk.com and earn breakfast money. You can definitely do $1/day easily (that pays for oatmeal). More if you have the time! r/hitsworthturkingfor

[–]PrisonerZer0 36 points37 points ago

I consider myself to be a good citizen. When I am walking downtown, I use my pocket change to feed meters that have <5min left. When I see kids and toddlers in grocery stores, I put on a goofy face and continue completely normally about shopping business. Even when they're crying or were just scolded, they laugh every time. I pull over to offer help to stopped cars on the highway their with hazards on, no matter how late or shitty my night is, because I know they could use a favor from a stranger, otherwise known as the legendary "miracle."

However, my blood runs cold and my eyes grow wide when there are police vans outside my apartment complex. Not because I'm afraid of someone breaking into my apartment and injuring one of my roommates or stealing whatever we have left. Which is more legitimate considering my community has the highest crime rate in town. No, I'm afraid because I think we maybe the victim of a raid by the police.

I feel as though this situation alone should be reason enough for any person to want to end prohibition. Sorry for the wall of text, this is something that deeply disturbs me.

tl;dr: good citizens shouldn't be afraid of the police.

EDIT: Sorry to post this in a funny post, I'm high guys.

[–]Wuped 7 points8 points ago

I use my pocket change to feed meters that have <5min left.

There's been cases of people being charged with obstruction of justice for this. It's hilarious because you use at as an example of being a good citizen and almost everyone would agree with you. Silly cops.

[–]robert12999 6 points7 points ago

Please god, please that me that this a joke

[–]Thunder-Stealer 5 points6 points ago

That you that is not a joke.

[–]PrisonerZer0 0 points1 point ago

Obstruction of justice, huh? That's fucked up

[–]partywithyou 0 points1 point ago

All in agreement say I!!! EYE!!!!!

[–]funkybart 4 points5 points ago

you download movies and music and you smoke pot? fbi most wanted list here you come!

[–]GetLifffted 1 point2 points ago

"Smoke weed errryday" -Wise words my friends, wise, wise words.

[–]Caspius 0 points1 point ago

This is my first time on this subreddit. I don't smoke and I can tell you this feeling never goes away.

[–]plumbs201 10 points11 points ago

story of my life <_>

[–]shpadoinkle17 21 points22 points ago

God I love this guy. To those of you ents out there who don't know who he is, watch him! One of the funniest dudes out there. Here's a full version of one of his performances: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlaA0_z4Rgg

[–]Jack_McCoy 4 points5 points ago

Gonna echo this poster. Somehow Mike Birbiglia manages to be really funny while also seeming like hes the nicest dude around.

[–]bweezy26 1 point2 points ago

Thanks for the link! Dude is hilarious.

[–]SovietK 0 points1 point ago

Does anyone have a mirror? This video is not available in my country D:

[–]trixyogurt 37 points38 points ago

Not sure if this is healthy, but I always get excited when I see a cop when I don't have any in the car. That way if he pulls me over I think to myself "I won't get pulled over again in a while..."

[–]Dancopter 15 points16 points ago

That is, until you pick up some dank the next day, and proceed to get pulled over.

[–]trixyogurt 10 points11 points ago

Unfortunately, yes.

[–]BlasphemyAway 5 points6 points ago

I like driving behind cops coz they can't pull me over that way.

[–]dgafuan 4 points5 points ago

And you can keep an eye on them.

[–]BlasphemyAway 14 points15 points ago

And you can pretend that you're pulling them over.

[–]Pantzzzzless 0 points1 point ago

But then I notice my brights are on. He pulls over, forces me to pass, then pulls me over. -_-

[–]mavriksfan11 2 points3 points ago

Right!

Also, when someone behind me wants me to go faster, I speed up but make sure to keep them behind me, so if a cop decides to pull over a speeder, he'll pull over the guy behind me, and not me.

[–]brbposting 2 points3 points ago

Don't count on this. Best bet could be following the guy from a safe distance and watching his brakelights.

[–]RowdyD 0 points1 point ago

Actually, I've been in cars in that situation where both were pulled over.

[–]mavriksfan11 1 point2 points ago

How can that happen? If he flashes his lights behind one guy, I just switch lanes and drive away. What can the cop do? He can't afford to run me down or he'll lose the guy who pulled over right?

[–]NanoCow 1 point2 points ago

No what they would do is first pull over the car behind you and tell them to stay there, then go after you and pull you over. If I were the person in the 2nd car I probably wouldn't run simply due to the fact that my license plate would be on the dash cam. A speeding ticket is much better than a charge for evading arrest.

[–]mavriksfan11 1 point2 points ago

:(

[–]SwarleyJr 2 points3 points ago

Also, in a situation where you speed away most police officers will just let the other car go. They were likely just speeding, but you trying to evade arrest would take precedent.

[–]mavriksfan11 0 points1 point ago

I wouldn't speed away, just maybe move lanes a lot or take an exit.

[–]Disastermath 15 points16 points ago

wish i could uptoke this 1000 times. 1 - for the birbigliography and 2 - i feel exactly like this.

[–]AlohaSnow 4 points5 points ago

"Please welcome to the stage... MIKE BRIGLEBEE!!!"

[–]feelindebonair 2 points3 points ago

"they used to call me names like 'birbiglebug', 'birbibliography'... 'faggot'"

[–]feelindebonair 10 points11 points ago

upvotes for mike bahoosky.

[–]Brokengame 17 points18 points ago

Don't forget his "brother"! Joey Bag-a-Donuts!

[–]feelindebonair 5 points6 points ago

how much could joe bags drink?!

[–]lemonyellowblack 2 points3 points ago

Soooo much

[–]Jack_McCoy 4 points5 points ago

Mr... Birbigaboo?

[–]captainpoopoo 4 points5 points ago

Mike Berbigalby!!

[–]feelindebonair 4 points5 points ago

birbibliography?

[–]draconic86 6 points7 points ago

Says something about police these days huh? They seem to be a lot less like the friendly peace-keeper of yesteryear, and more like some kind of jackboot gestapo.

[–]pYrO1v1aniac 20 points21 points ago

See, I had this recently. Driving up the motorway (Highway), going 10 below the speed limit, spot a cop doing speed checks with his radar gun.

I'm licensed, taxed, insured, wasn't driving erratically, sober, not carrying any drugs.

As soon as I pass, I spot him diving into his car. At that moment I knew he'd come after me, so I took an off-ramp that was just about not visible from where he was. I just about caught a glance of him haring off down the motorway below trying to catch me.

I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I sure as hell didn't feel like spending 15 minutes talking to some asshole cop looking to profile a young guy and pin something on him to meet a quota. The cops are NOT your friends.

[–]ctzl 5 points6 points ago

So that maneuver does work. I should have taken the exit before that cop pulled me over and gave me $300 in tickets...

[–]brbposting 2 points3 points ago

Sure does.

[–]Mr__Zaphod 1 point2 points ago

Fuck that was stressful to watch. Were they running drugs or what?

[–]brbposting 0 points1 point ago

They're running money. The money in their fat wallets.

[–]BeardisGood 3 points4 points ago

Does anyone else remember being happy and waiving at cops when they were kids? They were there to protect you and keep you safe. Did they change or did I?

[–]thehillzClub MFLB 7 points8 points ago

even as a kid I hated cops... and I was the uptight nerdy kid that did nothing wrong.

Edit: now I remember why... My uncle is a cop and he liked to piss me off to entertain himself... My aunt is too good for him.

[–]brbposting 1 point2 points ago

You know that cops get murdered annually while stopping crimes? Just because a few suck bad enough to make national news doesn't mean they're all Hitler.

[–]blazingscience 3 points4 points ago

True, but almost no one follows every law perfectly. If a cop write you a ticket, it can really screw you over. For a lot of people, a ticket can cost grocery money for a couple weeks. If it goes on your record, the higher insurance costs can rack up to a small fortune. You may end up in a defensive driving class, which are horribly long, boring, and disturbing (I was speeding on a wide road with no one anywhere near me. The instructed talked about drunk driving and murderous road rage. God damn, I'm not going to have a fit of road rage and go stab another driver to death once I get to a stop light.)

If you refuse to pay it, you'll have to spend a lot of time in court fighting it, and still might not get out of it. The time in court can cause you to miss work/class, screwing you over even more.

Also, cops routinely abuse their power. They break laws and get away with it. They hurt innocent people far more than your average civilian ever does.

So yeah, cops can totally fuck things up for you over nothing. Disliking them is pretty fucking reasonable.

[–]doojman52420 0 points1 point ago

Cops are the stoner's natural enemy. We do an activity that he is trained and conditioned to stop. He cant help but put us in jail, because of the system we live in its his job. Thats why Ive never personally been personable around cops. Respectful? always. But at the end of the day, it dont matter how nice of a guy he is, if youre making a choice to smoke in most of America, you are his target.

[–]BeardisGood 0 points1 point ago

And I dont think they're evil, uptokes all around.

[–]BeardisGood -1 points0 points ago

I know several cops and they are some of the best men I know. In the last 20 years or so the police have become an income stream for cities. Traffic tickets and drug busts. Money from the residents and money from the government.

I feel like the average citizens butthole puckers at least a little when they see a cop and that sucks for them and for us.

[–]PBsmoothe 2 points3 points ago

MIKE BIRBIGLIA

[–]Kataal 10 points11 points ago

Two times i had conversations with cops in my life:

  1. i was drunk/found degradation products
  2. was drunk/high/had like 1-2gram on me

i'm getting nervous just seeing cops or passing the security check at airport even if i have nothing to fear

now one of my best friends signed up for police special forces, had a party with a room half filled of policeman

paranoia overkill

[–]throwa420way 5 points6 points ago

Made me think of Breaking Bad when (can't figure out how to make spoilers).

[–]rmc1317 4 points5 points ago

...well thanks for the spoiler

[–]PapauNewGuinea 3 points4 points ago

Just a colonoscopy gone wrong.

[–]throwa420way 1 point2 points ago

See what I said to the other guy. Sorry.

[–]coinaco 0 points1 point ago

Hey man, that's not cool.

[–]throwa420way 3 points4 points ago

Sorry man. I wasn't sure if it counted as a spoiler or not. I'll mask it now.

[–]MatJoeBro 2 points3 points ago

who is that comedian ?

[–]rabuu 12 points13 points ago

Mike Birbiglia

[–]wenerd 2 points3 points ago

This is what he's doin'

.[6]

[–]LlodSuaNav 4 points5 points ago

Oh America. The true sign of a police state here. Fear you are in trouble even when you are doing nothing wrong.

[–]Dank-Bacon 2 points3 points ago

Mike Birbiglia is a legend.

[–]Chili440 0 points1 point ago

My son and his friends have a theory - you must mutter 'don't look at me, don't look at me' continuously whilst staring straight ahead.

[–]ncm3t4l 2 points3 points ago

Once you're over 12 you're pretty much the enemy.

[–]CaptainCoque 1 point2 points ago

BIRBIGS!! yessss I love this man!!!!

[–]Popcornstand39 1 point2 points ago

Is the mike birbiglia?

[–]Duthos 1 point2 points ago

I've had bad enough times when they have noticed me walking. Or sitting.

[–]colonel_chapstick 1 point2 points ago

I just got my license about a month ago and I had my first encounter with a police officer yesterday. I was going about 10km over the limit, and then I realized a cop was directly behind me. She didn't mind my speed, but I slowed down to the speed limit anyways. I'm thinking the same thing as the guy in that picture. Then the officer turns on her lights. Oh Fuck. I pull to the side of the road, freaking out, thinking that I'm going to get a ticket, my insurance will skyrocket, and I'll never drive again. The cop pulls her car next to mine, I roll down my window, and she calmly says to me "turn on your headlights." Then she proceeds to speed off down the highway before I can say a word. I was sufficiently shaken by this encounter.

[–]ctzl 3 points4 points ago

Dude. Turn your fucking headlights on, you are a danger to everyone on the road.

[–]colonel_chapstick 0 points1 point ago

It was only 8pm and there was more than enough light outside. It was a good half hour before sunset.

[–]theblaze77 0 points1 point ago

Yes sir uptoke for makeing me know im not the only one is that makes since [6]

[–]iwantedtoexplode 0 points1 point ago

I live in a big city and walk everywhere, one time I was crossing the street and saw a cop car and was like "oh shit", and then was like, oh, I haven't done anything wrong and I have nothing on me, then some car goes through the crosswalk right in front of me when they should have stopped and the cop sounds his siren, u-turns, and pulls them over. I was like awww yeah.

[–]Dubzil 1 point2 points ago

That's not it at all.. I lovvve when I'm driving, I'm not high at all, no paraphernalia in the car, not speeding and a cop is following me.. Just think to myself: Keep following me bitch, you aren't gonna pull up shit.. Then he passes me and I think: Move along bitch, yeah.. move along.

[–]eurodance 1 point2 points ago

Just say "How's your quota this month officer?". Works every time.

[–]Frank1103 0 points1 point ago

...Mike Birbiglia

[–]Ajbax96 0 points1 point ago

I love mike burbiglia [6]

[–]I_DONT_RAPE_ANIMALS 0 points1 point ago

I always hope he pulls me over when I don't have drugs on me or am not doing anything wrong, just because I feel like chances are I am going to eventually be pulled over (still haven't yet, then again I've only been driving for 3 years), and I want to see how the procedure is before it happens when I actually have shit on me.

[–]paulioni613 0 points1 point ago

Never had that feeling, I could speed past a cop now and not give a shit. In my younger years of selling small weight to needy ents i used to carry it all, and remember how stupid i was. When driving, It aint a thing when you got nothing on you.

[–]bitchsaidwhaaat 0 points1 point ago

i actually get scared everytime... not because im high, or i have illegal stuff on me, or braking any laws... its just because the abuse of power the cops have in my city... and i know if they try to pull some shit on me its gonna be a bad night because i know my rights and what they can and cannot do in the first place, so im always like thinking a scenario where the cop does something illegal and i try to stop it and end up having a bad time...hasnt happened and hope it never does!

[–]solidstripes 0 points1 point ago

I always imagine that there is some law that I don't know about that I'm breaking and I wouldn't know about until I get pulled over for it.

[–]SovietK 0 points1 point ago

I get that feeling everytime I see cop.

Even when I'm walking.

In daylight.

Without anything illigal.

I don't have any history of crime.

I have never done anything illigal.

Idk whats wrong D:

[–]mnnmnmnnm 0 points1 point ago

Sometimes i follow people just for fun. If they stop at a red light i start writing on my tiny notebook. If they are about to leave the highway i pull out my fake radio (just the mic with a cord). Just for fun.

[–]hendeeze 0 points1 point ago

Odd, I usually say to myself, I ain't got shit on me, Bitches!!!! (Jesse Pinkman style)

[–]Lumos389 0 points1 point ago

I'm a bear, etc, etc.

[–]zedsdeadbby 0 points1 point ago

Love Mike Birbiglia.

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