Twigs and dead leaves crackled under my feet as I stumbled through the forest looking for a spot to relieve myself. All of a sudden, my feet caught on a tree root and I tripped and fell through a thorny thicket of bushes. Groaning slightly, I put a hand on the ground to push myself up and I began to hear deep breathing all around me. As quick as possible, I scrambled up and grabbed for my flashlight, flicking it on and illuminating the scene in front of me. What I saw, I couldn't quite comprehend. There were 20 or so deer standing around me, looking at me not with the usual timid stupidity that I had come to know and love in all other deer previously encountered, but with the look of a predator. The hairs on my neck began to stand up, and slowly I began to back away, trying to be as little threatening as possible. It seemed they were waiting for something, and as I backed away inch-by-inch, I heard the clip-clop of hooves approaching from the distance. The deer seemed to lean forward in anticipation, and I knew that I had to begin to extricate myself more quickly or risk death by a pack of murderous psycho deer. I began to take earnest steps around the brambles when the biggest deer I had ever seen in my life jumped out in the center of the clearing in front of me. He must have been eight feet tall and around 800 lbs. Slowly, he turned his head on me, and I finally figured out why deer freeze when they see humans. I was terrified. He snorted angrily and began to slowly stomp his hoof in a rhythmic repetitive motion. I didn't move one inch for fear of disturbing whatever fucked up ritual they were about to engage in. Slowly, other deer began stomping their hooves in the same exact rhythm, down to the dotted quarter note. Sweat broke out around my forehead and I felt my bladder about to empty itself. The stomping continued, louder, faster, like the beating of a racing heartbeat. All the deer were stomping vociferously now, rapidly pounding the ground with their hooves - and then the big deer stomped once with both of his front hooves. Everything stopped. Pee staining my pants, tears coming out of my eyes and snot running down my nose, I'm paralyzed by fear at this point - and I can't do anything but watch. The deer leader then stands up on his back legs, gestures his front hooves to the sky and pronounced, "TONIGHT, WE EAT MANFLESH."

Don't fuck with deer.