this post was submitted on
1,532 points (52% like it)
17,045 up votes 15,513 down votes

funny

subscribe2,730,779 readers

10,829 users here now


Results of the facebook poll


Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!


NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow all 412

[–]toxickiller 469 points470 points ago

I can't help but picture the original commenter to be some sweet old grandmother, now horrified that someone called her a dipshit and her comment marked as spam.

[–]Black_Diamond 203 points204 points ago

That's why YouTube is a horrible place for nice people.

[–]jdeliverer 74 points75 points ago

Youtube is great if you ignore the comments.

[–]Black_Diamond 25 points26 points ago

I know, but just for once I'd like to see a reasonable discussion in the comment sections that is relevant to the video.

[–]humfuzz 85 points86 points ago

[–]WEASEL_DEVOURER 61 points62 points ago

What a shame.

[–]okmkz 15 points16 points ago

Spoiler alert: there's a bunch of bravery ahead.

[–]Spelunkers 1 point2 points ago

It's like Tom Cruise all over again

[–]theodrixx 5 points6 points ago

What a shame.

[–]Retawtrams 34 points35 points ago

What a shame.

[–]lifecando 26 points27 points ago

What a shame.

[–]Mister_Kitty 19 points20 points ago

What a shame.

[–]BasketOfCats 21 points22 points ago

What a shame.

[–]picardkid 10 points11 points ago

What a shame.

[–]garyy 16 points17 points ago

What a shame.

[–]chopsaver 17 points18 points ago

What a shame.

[–]Cl4d 11 points12 points ago

What a shame.

[–]TravestyTravis 17 points18 points ago

What a shame.

[–]no_no_NO_okay 14 points15 points ago

What a shame.

[–]nautawesome 13 points14 points ago

What a shame.

[–]painkillerzman 18 points19 points ago

What a shame.

[–]tabion 16 points17 points ago

What a shame.

[–]TheFishWhoDrowned 11 points12 points ago

What a shame.

[–]534seeds 13 points14 points ago

What a shame.

[–]Paradoxou 10 points11 points ago

What a shame.

[–]whtrbt 10 points11 points ago

I'm editing my comment because I can no longer stand the unjust distribution of votes here. Take my upvotes away and give them to my brothers and sisters. For they spoke the same words as I, "What a shame," but did not receive the same upvotes.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]adanfoolq 6 points7 points ago

What a shame

[–]NightHawk929 5 points6 points ago

What a shame.

[–]CHILLAX_I_got_this 6 points7 points ago

What a shame.

[–]Frogging101 3 points4 points ago

What a shame.

[–]thegreenbastard23 4 points5 points ago

What a shame.

[–]Knozix 2 points3 points ago

What a shame.

[–]Snoopy7393 3 points4 points ago

What a shame.

[–]whtrbt 5 points6 points ago

It just has to be a video nobody's interested in: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

[–]Boatsnbuds 3 points4 points ago

You mean like how all the discussions in Reddit are relevant to the OP's topic?

[–]shinghot 2 points3 points ago

Agree. But I wonder the same for reddit.

[–]provokedcarp 3 points4 points ago

Good. Nice people can get the FUCK out!

[–]oriscorrupt 1 point2 points ago

Also happens to be a nice place for horrible people. BTW.

[–]cuppincayk 0 points1 point ago

the internet

FTFY

[–]despaxes 24 points25 points ago

my sweet old grandmother loves to make bread from lord of the rings too.

[–]Ceejae 7 points8 points ago

If you come to the Internet expecting people to behave as they do in real life, you're gonna have a bad time.

[–]NNYPhillipJFry 3 points4 points ago

I behave here just as I do in real life. In conclusion: I am a prick.

[–]adius 3 points4 points ago

Seems more likely that the grandmother would be the replier, grandmas are confused by technology, not cooking

[–]mv46 0 points1 point ago

More like buzzkiller.

[–]joseakadaman 0 points1 point ago

fuck... now i feel dirty....

[–]himonightbreeze 0 points1 point ago

While I'm not an old lady, I did have a valid question because with out the nuts you're just missing egg, orange, protein powder, and syrup. My girlfriend's allergic to nuts.

[–]DaTScientisT 543 points544 points ago

I miss dipshit. It's such a great insult.

[–]codyl2 201 points202 points ago

Had a co-worker talk about this to me a few months ago. Let's start the campaign to bring it back. Anyone against this is a dipshit.

[–]SuperDownv0teBastard 123 points124 points ago

I use dipshit all the time. Especially with my cat. Or dipshits.

[–]Avien 134 points135 points ago

Did someone say they're bringing 'porchmonkey' back?

[–][deleted] 115 points116 points ago

No, are you a dipshit?

[–]Avien 31 points32 points ago

Call me Dante. And Randal, you can't just go around saying porchmonkey.

[–]ThousandArmy 16 points17 points ago

Sure I can. I'm bringing it back.

[–]sideflanker 13 points14 points ago

Shut up dipshit.

[–]MissLippy 13 points14 points ago

Shut up, dill-hole.

[–]mikem4a1 24 points25 points ago

Shut up, dillshit.

[–]tllnbks 26 points27 points ago

My dad always called me a yard ape. I am white.

[–]Squirrelson 21 points22 points ago

Wait... Yard ape is a slur?

Oh fuck, can't say that word anymore.

[–]Mystery_Hours 17 points18 points ago

You've been obliviously saying yard ape?

[–]geoemyda_spengleri 6 points7 points ago

I've been saying it all the time - my dad created my mom's email address for her and put "yard ape" in it.

This explains so many things.

[–]Squirrelson 10 points11 points ago

I've used it like twice. Luckily no one else was around. But I'd be working outside and I'd cut my leg open with the mattock and I'd say something like

"What the fuck am I some kind of yard ape? I already fucking reroofed the house and now I have to do this shit?"

[–]aliencat1001 7 points8 points ago

You cut open your leg and didn't run inside or yell, you just got kinda mad?

[–]Squirrelson 3 points4 points ago

Not super bad, my leg was bleeding but I was fine.

[–]NottaGrammerNasi 7 points8 points ago

I didn't even know what 'porchmonkey' was until I was 27.

[–]metalsupremacist 5 points6 points ago

Uh oh, this means that the more popular the word is, the less dipshits there will be. Then we can't use it as much.

[–]Brick50 11 points12 points ago

Quit being a dipshit, there are always enough dipshits around for the term dipshit to survive.

[–]throwaway-aa2 2 points3 points ago

I find that the people that still use it, use it properly. Bringing it back and people would exaggerate it's intended use.

[–]asianglide 1 point2 points ago

Bitchin'.

[–]mcnabb77 0 points1 point ago

Wait.. We're bringin the box back?

[–]eric-tile 0 points1 point ago

Hey, what can I get for you, you little dipshit? Its cool, I'm taking it back.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

God, this is truly the idea of a bozo.

[–]isleshocky 16 points17 points ago

"Where were you on that one, dipshit?" - Happy Gilmour

[–]Inamanlyfashion 2 points3 points ago

Fuck-knuckles.

[–]xLuMisx 4 points5 points ago

May I present to you /r/dipshit . 1 year old, 1 subscriber.

[–]Silent_Samazar 4 points5 points ago

One subscriber? What a dipshit.

[–]djfutile 9 points10 points ago

Try "fuckstick" sometime. Same feel, harder tone.

[–]Ericwh2827 3 points4 points ago

I think calling him numbnuts would have worked better.

[–]SpaceOdysseus 5 points6 points ago

Dipshit, asshat, shitstick, fuckstick, asswipe, dickcheese, limpdick, cockgobbler, dickfucker, shitface, fuckface, assdickfuckshitter. There's a lot of great ones out there, it's time we be more creative with our fucks and shits.

[–]deehan26 2 points3 points ago

I love hearing old men say it towards youngsters

[–]wutitdopikachu 2 points3 points ago

It went away?

[–]Black_Diamond 2 points3 points ago

I use it every day.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

I never thought "fucktard" got enough credit.

[–]Loaf-PF 41 points42 points ago

"fucktard" isn't as good because it starts with pretty heavy profanity right off the jump. "dipshit" is better because you get the curse word on the back end allowing it to roll off the tongue better.

[–]The_Painted_Man 21 points22 points ago

I used 'fuckface' the other day and found it to be a more than satisfactory revival.

[–]The_Swayzie_Express 4 points5 points ago

How do you feel about "dickwad"?

[–]BoxSquid 2 points3 points ago

My personal favorite is assclown. It's awkward enough to be jarring, and it's got some strong syllables in it.

[–]random314 1 point2 points ago

Learned that word for the first time in Terminator 2.

[–]epicitous1 -1 points0 points ago

you will really intimidate the big kid 5th graders!

[–]vagrantwade 0 points1 point ago

I use it at least once a day. I didn't realize it left.

[–]laughingplague 0 points1 point ago

Yea, a great insult.... Not.

Said the liar.

[–]w1nst0n 0 points1 point ago

Can I name my kids after you? Dipshit Knight has a nice ring to it.

[–]RelationshipCreeper 36 points37 points ago

I once saw a banana bread recipe review.. "I made it according to the recipe, but left out the bananas, because I don't like bananas."

She gave it a terrible review because it turned out tough and dry. You don't say.

[–]Joseph445 5 points6 points ago

Are you sure she wasn't joking?

[–]RelationshipCreeper 4 points5 points ago

Yes.

I just looked it up and she actually only deducted a star, but it's still hilarious how she keeps complaining about how dry and tough it is.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/banana-bread-with-chocolate-chips-and-chocolate-glaze-recipe/reviews/index.html?pn=2

Scroll down to the reviews. October 11, 2011.

(Incidentally, that's also my go-to banana bread. I make it without the glaze.)

[–]Acurus_Cow 1 point2 points ago

Redditors rarely get jokes. f7u8 would be pretty barren if people there understood when people where joking, and not just a "derp" face

[–]aaronhff7 98 points99 points ago

That's logic you can't argue with

[–]IIdsandsII 55 points56 points ago

unless you're a dipshit.

[–]Chaster321 20 points21 points ago

Dipshit.

[–]alexm0n 19 points20 points ago

Go to fondue shop. Dip shit.

[–]jimmywong 68 points69 points ago

Jimmy Wong here! We get a bunch of pretty silly comments on Feast of Fiction, always fun to read them. You also learn literally no one reads the More Info box below the video- so many questions asking how to make our Zelda Heart Potion non alcoholic, and we couldn't have spelled out how to more clearly -.-

[–]illmanored 70 points71 points ago

Since you know no one reads the More Info box you should say it in the video.....dipshit

[–]jimmywong 54 points55 points ago

.....shit

[–]tjbassoon 2 points3 points ago

[–]Yeebeme 5 points6 points ago

I enjoy all of your videos.

[–]Toobad113 39 points40 points ago

There is another way, but it involves a beach chair, hand lotion, 3 wizards and a 30 minute baking time

[–]metalrader 53 points54 points ago

Keenan? Keenan!?

Awwwww here it goes!

[–]Soup_bones 10 points11 points ago

I......dropped the screw!......

[–]iamrory 7 points8 points ago

Not in the tuna?!

[–]digital_evolution 28 points29 points ago

http://www.youtube.com/user/feastoffiction

That's the source if you're reading the comments cuz you're like me and were lazy and wanted the link.

[–]dirice87 18 points19 points ago

man...these guys take the whole "epic win" internet culture a little too far...referencing "rustle my jimmies" while wearing adventure time hats...not my thing....

[–]Niyeaux 6 points7 points ago

Agreed. I couldn't watch more than a minute of this before feeling uncomfortable and turning it off.

[–]binarypower 11 points12 points ago

[–]SpottyGiraffe 4 points5 points ago

I don't see how dipping shit resolves this issue.

[–]vernixide 2 points3 points ago

Of course it resolves it. The shit is the substitution.

[–]TheJustin72 3 points4 points ago

What is wrong with you? I laugh at youtube comments on a daily basis.

[–]stillnotking 151 points152 points ago

Not really a stupid question. You can't just remove ingredients willy-nilly from baking recipes and expect them to turn out OK.

Probably would have been better phrased as "Is there something else I can substitute for walnuts?", but the respondent was just being a dick for no good reason.

[–]MisterWonka 212 points213 points ago

You can almost always remove nuts from any baking recipe with no real effect.

And he had great reason to be a dick, it was funny.

[–]bootnish 56 points57 points ago

I'm with this guy. Changing baking soda, baking powder, salt, flour, sugar and egg/dairy is a no-no. But nuts aren't going to change a thing.

[–]walking_strange 13 points14 points ago

But what if it's one of the main ingredients? Can't make a walnut cake without walnuts.

[–]jmaccini 158 points159 points ago

Sure you can. It's fucking called a cake.

[–]bguggs 110 points111 points ago

Yeah, dipshit.

[–]safe_plagiarism 3 points4 points ago

But that's not walnut cake.

[–]CocoSavege 27 points28 points ago

It's Walnut Cake Surprise, dipshit!

So when you serve it and they say 'there are no walnuts in this...' you reply 'surprise! dipshit!'

[–]Skafsgaard 7 points8 points ago

It's I Can't Believe It's Not Walnut Cake!®

[–]DoubleTrump 2 points3 points ago

Good thing this wasn't walnut bread, then.

[–]xblackdog 2 points3 points ago

In some cases it can be argued that it make the food better.

[–]garlicking 10 points11 points ago

If the nuts are whole or roughly chopped, they can almost always be removed.

If the nuts are ground, finely diced, or in the form of a nut flour, nut meal, or nut paste, they generally cannot be removed without a substitute. And depending on the recipe, there might be no substitute. (e.g. macarons are prissy as fuck)

Also if the recipe has a name like almond cookies or peanut cookies, or the recipe calls for a substantial amount of nuts (over half the total mass is nuts), it's usually best to keep the nuts.

[–]relentlessc 8 points9 points ago

It seems like a reasonable question, because if the nuts are being used ground up, they might be contributing to the binding of the bread together, in which case one would likely want to up the eggs or drop some flax in or something.

[–]KennyFuckingPowers 5 points6 points ago

I'm so confused I don't know who to agree with

[–]LetsHavePun 12 points13 points ago

FOLLOW THE KARMA TRAIL.

[–]SCOTT_MESCUDI 1 point2 points ago

The trail of nuts

[–]kperkins1982 1 point2 points ago

it wasn't funny, he was being a dick

[–]juaquin 4 points5 points ago

Nuts aren't reacting with the baking ingredients, so removing them doesn't upset the balance. They're just filler that takes up space. The only effect is that you have a slightly smaller piece of bread.

If it was something like lemons or anything else that reacted, then yes, the recipe might need to be tweaked.

[–]Beardstone 12 points13 points ago

Tell me what recipe when leaving nuts out turns out inedible?

[–]retrogreq 83 points84 points ago

Peanut butter.

[–]JPjulio 52 points53 points ago

Baking recipe, dipshit.

[–]Viper999DC 45 points46 points ago

Baked Peanut Butter.

[–]Atario 11 points12 points ago

You just gave me a great idea: deep-fried peanut butter.

BRB, making a million dollars

[–]heretofapagain 5 points6 points ago

Good lord, this place is full of dipshits

[–]RobertTheSpruce 11 points12 points ago

Peanuts are legumes, not nuts.

[–]OruTaki 9 points10 points ago

While I have to thank you for the enlightening wiki article on peanut allergies you linked below, I do have to correct you on the legume thing. If this was a biological conversation you would be correct, but because we're talking culinary terms... baking and what not... peanuts would be considered a nut.

[–]Dentarthurdent42 2 points3 points ago

Well, it is in the context of removing ingredients due to allergies, so I think the distinction is actually quite apt.

[–]deehan26 9 points10 points ago

I have a legume allergy, not a nut allergy. I am allergic to peanuts, peas soy beans, etc. people assume when they hear I have a peanut allergy then I must be allergic to almonds, cashews, and the like. SPREAD THE TRUTH

[–]karmahawk 6 points7 points ago

It's not about whether or not something is edible. You want to find out if there's away of achieving the same taste with something else. For instance, if for some reason you can't have lemon grass you can use lime rind and achieve a similar flavor. There are lots of recipes that rely on Thai Peanut sauce. If you just take the peanuts out of that sauce it's not the same thing. You just went from a mild dish to burn your face-off hot.

[–]TypicalBetaNeckbeard 1 point2 points ago

And the fact this post got so much karma and reached first page means reddit is just as full of dicks as youtube.

[–]mafoo 2 points3 points ago

You put serious in my funny.

[–]purpleblah2 2 points3 points ago

The first Youtube comment to actually make me laugh was a reply to a semi-joking comment I made about Arya being the best Stark: "ARYA IS UGLY AS FUCK DUDE SHUT THE HELL UP, JON 4 LIFE GET DAT WILDLING BOOTY"

[–]Hobo4Craft 10 points11 points ago

Nuts add oils and texture to the recipe, so the final product will be different without them.

[–]8Cowboy 6 points7 points ago

Yeah, nut free.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Dipshit

[–]PunkRockerr 0 points1 point ago

[–]deville94 0 points1 point ago

We actually made this a few months back. this was the result of our makeshift "bacon weave" http://imgur.com/yxHeZ

[–]Tebasaki -1 points0 points ago

The comma makes the sentence.

[–]TwistedChemical 1 point2 points ago

Reminds of Conkers Bad Fur Day when you would get the code wrong and the two characters would call you a dipshit. Good times.

[–]ironylovesme 0 points1 point ago

Upvote for also making me laugh.

[–]DropItThere 0 points1 point ago

That was A+.

[–]Oversized_Lunchbox 1 point2 points ago

As a person with a nut allergy, I approve. FUCK NUTS!!...

Wait... That doesn't sound right.

[–]Newman513 1 point2 points ago

Fucking numbnuts.

[–]Omninaut 0 points1 point ago

This is the stuff Frodo and Sam were bitching about eating again? It sounds delicious though.

[–]daedalus1982 1 point2 points ago

Yeah yeah funny. But more importantly has anyone tried out the recipe?

[–]Untz234 0 points1 point ago

Why is every commen always marked as spam on youtube

[–]ryanbillya 0 points1 point ago

I love when the internet actually makes me laugh out loud when im all alone.

[–]abbAtheist 1 point2 points ago

In all fairness, he was probably asking for a suitable substitute for the nuts.

[–]Revolutionz 0 points1 point ago

10/10, would read again.

[–]highfiveinhell 0 points1 point ago

A quarter-pound of butter to make this? Seriously?

[–]Kellerbier 1 point2 points ago

Lembas recipe? I'm washing this down with a tankard of homebrewed mead and a cheese wheel.

[–]Ireallywantedtocomen 0 points1 point ago

The first comment to make you laugh ? Are you retarded !?

[–]Excision 0 points1 point ago

really? that's the first one to make you laugh??

[–]Schmorg83 0 points1 point ago

So simple yet so effective.

[–]cbcfan 0 points1 point ago

[–]shredtasticman 0 points1 point ago

You know, on second thought you should just add the nuts anyway.

[–]Miri_tx 0 points1 point ago

Haha that's the first YouTube comment to make me laugh too (for real), instead of just going "LOL" in my head.

[–]ianjmcg 0 points1 point ago

I always laugh at the YouTube top comments. they're usually pretty funny?

[–]249ba36000029bbe9749 0 points1 point ago

I don't know how many other YouTube comments you've looked at but I assure you that there are many many many more humorous comments than that one.

[–]SphericalCube 0 points1 point ago

I thought the first commenter was a troll, and the one calling him a dipshit took the troll's bait.

[–]McWut 0 points1 point ago

One word can really change the potential hilarity of a sentence

Yeah, just don't add the nuts: not funny at all Yeah, just don't add the nuts, dipshit: hilarious

[–]gigantepicante 0 points1 point ago

Congrats OP at finally laughing at a Youtube comment. I'm anxiously waiting for the day it happens to me.

[–]donkeey 0 points1 point ago

This isn't even funny. At all.

[–]rawdawgn -1 points0 points ago

TROLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[–]OGgarfield 0 points1 point ago

this was just some guy being a dick & its the only youtube comment that you've ever laughed at? you cant have been on the youtubes much

[–]Utenlok 0 points1 point ago

Sometimes it's the simplest answer that gets the job done best. Love it.

[–]PoP0x 0 points1 point ago

Funniest shit ever. LOL

[–]mattalxdr 0 points1 point ago

When will it be ok to stop prefacing posts like these with "Youtube comments are sometimes pretty funny" or "This Youtube comment actually made me laugh"?

[–]karlobarlo 0 points1 point ago

Even though I'm shocked by the lack of common sense in the world, it does make great entertainment well at least on the internet.

[–]sharksfan93 0 points1 point ago

I feel bad for you, you have missed a lot of Gems on reddit about youtube comments

[–]Icangetbehindthat 0 points1 point ago

Correct, concise and offensive. I can get behind that!

[–]DanPearce 0 points1 point ago

The first comment? Yeaahhhhhh

[–]LoveReddit2Bits 0 points1 point ago

You are easily amused, my friend.

[–]littleHiawatha 0 points1 point ago

Seriously? White TNR font with a drop shadow on ancient scroll?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]sprkng 0 points1 point ago

I'm actually allergic to walnuts, eggs, gluten, dairy products and oranges :(

[–]teh_killer 0 points1 point ago

people who are allergic to shit think they're so entitled to privileges.

[–]ImUsingDaForce 0 points1 point ago

the second one is just stupid.

[–]demillir 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one who read the comment in Adam Baldwin's voice?

[–]Xysten 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of "That's what wrenches are for dumbass" from Law Abiding Citizen

[–]ThisOnezForYou 0 points1 point ago

Fucking gold!

[–]Hurgledurf 0 points1 point ago

that comment was not actually funny and it shows that you have an awful sense of humor.