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Everyone on Reddit. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by TobyG123

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[–]donavan93 76 points77 points ago

"My fellow Americans...I really fucking hate tarantulas." Yeah that's easy.

[–]wr80 21 points22 points ago

"My fellow Americans it was either talk to you or sleep with a spider, hope you understand"

[–]pavlovs_hotdog 15 points16 points ago

Sleep with a spider? [NSFW]

[–]TheCornbread 14 points15 points ago

What the f......?

[–]shif 10 points11 points ago

what the fap?

[–]czarchastic 1 point2 points ago

What, you never seen AIDs before?

[–]celticd208 1 point2 points ago

What evil have i seen on my laptop screen?!?!

[–]wr80 0 points1 point ago

I want to click can anyone confirm this isn't tons of spiders...

[–]raynius 3 points4 points ago

There is only 1 spider....

[–]wr80 0 points1 point ago

pass

[–]Xabster 137 points138 points ago

I'd speak to the entire nation on any given chance! Voluntarily!

[–]Derpybro 45 points46 points ago

What I'd say would probably get me assassinated, woot, or even suicided.

[–]kuroyaki 16 points17 points ago

"Suicide by tarantula. I've seen this one a lot."

[–]TobyG123[S] 2 points3 points ago

What I would say would get my entire extended family killed.

[–]LazyVisionary 0 points1 point ago

I wonder what the correct form of "suicided" is ...

[–]Derpybro 4 points5 points ago

Suicided is the slang term used by various individuals when communicating that someone's suicide was actually a murder/assassination

[–]LazyVisionary 0 points1 point ago

I know what it means ... but is there a proper verb for it ?

[–]MDevonL 0 points1 point ago

Since when does a word need to be proper to be used by the general populace?

And to answer your question I don't think so

[–]vertigo1083 1 point2 points ago

Dead.

[–]spamato 1 point2 points ago

Don't flatter yourself.

[–]caboose4321 5 points6 points ago

It would probably consist of me asking "What the fuck is wrong with you people?" before the censors jumped in.

[–]new-socks 4 points5 points ago

Me too! Although it's easier said than done.

[–]gsfgf 0 points1 point ago

Yea. I love spiders (though tarantulas are fucking fragile and shouldn't be near my sleeping ass), but I'd love a national microphone.

[–]Second_Foundationeer -1 points0 points ago

I'd rather kill myself (well, I'd rather kill everyone else) than sleep with fucking tarantulas. I might literally bite my tongue thinking about this.

[–]Cameron_Sonntag 0 points1 point ago

Id do that, but I'd wind up ranting angrily at everyone.

[–]liescontrolus 0 points1 point ago

When I was reading this I misunderstood the type of "would you rather" type question and thought, "who the fuck would dream of sleeping with tarantulas in their bed, that would be one fucked up person". Then I realized some people would think of a speech to the entire nation would be a nightmare.

Also to anyone that says they don't want to be a national laughing stock, your speech can't be any worse than any of Bush's.

[–]liannosaur 17 points18 points ago

My speech would have the theme "things I would rather do than sleep with tarantulas in my bed." It would be a long speech.

[–]EminGH 7 points8 points ago

Feeding my snail would be one of them.

[–]dracith182 16 points17 points ago

"i did not have sexual relations with that women"

[–]jzstyles 23 points24 points ago

"I did not sleep with those tarantulas."

[–]dracith182 -4 points-3 points ago

if only i would of thought of that you sir get an upvote

[–]Ghede 21 points22 points ago

tarantulas please. i'd prefer tarantulas over being a national laughing stock. the worst thing tarantulas will do is make the bed itchy and gross.

[–]aznboi2000 9 points10 points ago

I'd tape my holes shut before I sleep though.

[–]stillnotking 9 points10 points ago

"Breathing or spiders... breathing or spiders... tough one."

[–]Consequentialist 0 points1 point ago

The spiders don't want to be near you.

[–]gibberishparrot 19 points20 points ago

Tarantulas? Come on, as far as spiders go, those are like the least scary. They're basically kittens.

[–]EminGH 10 points11 points ago

They are harmless and furry! Cats bite and carry infectious bacteria.

[–]ghostvortex -1 points0 points ago

Cats arent capable of injecting venom

While the bites of many species are known to be no worse than a wasp sting, accounts of bites by some species are reported to be very painful and to produce intense spasms that may recur over a period of several days; the venom by the African tarantula Pelinobius muticus also causes strong hallucinations.[9] In all cases, it is prudent to seek medical aid. Because other proteins are included when a toxin is injected, some individuals may suffer severe symptoms due to an allergic reaction rather than to the venom. Such allergic effects can be life-threatening.

[–]Consequentialist 0 points1 point ago

You left out the part right before that which said "Despite their often threatening appearance and reputation, no tarantula has been known to have a bite that is deadly to humans. In general, the effects of the bites of all kinds of tarantula are not well known."

Sincerely,

An underweight sickly woman who has actually been bitten by a P. subfusca (and yes it was my fault, I'm a dimwit) and lived.

[–]THEBLACKJISH 33 points34 points ago

I have it all planned out already.

I shall first slowly approach the Podium, not waving, or speaking at all. The expression on my face shall show no expression whatsoever.

I will look at my nation in dead silence, keeping my stern expression, making sure to maintain eye contact with everyone.

I will slowly look around at the large crowd and cameras around me.

I stretch my neck and crack my knuckles, and then proceed to adjust my tie as I clear my throat.

The cloud is anxiously awaiting my magnificent speech.

I slowly open my mouth...

"I am Iron Man"

I proceed to slowly walk away from the podium, waving to my Nation, now going crazy and screaming as loud as they can, paparazzi taking pictures while reporters ask me all sorts of questions, all with AC/DC's Back in Black playing in the background.

[–]trebro 1 point2 points ago

See.. I would do it differently. I would step away from the podium, dig my hands in my pants and shuffle them about. As people start to act disgusted, I will suddenly pull out a jock strap and show the world with a huge grin on my face.

It will be glorious

[–]Reshimon 0 points1 point ago

Haha awesome.

[–]Blackout420 8 points9 points ago

What app is this?

[–]knarrenheinz 13 points14 points ago

It's called You Rather

[–]kungfuman104 6 points7 points ago

So either death in front of everyone in the nation or death by tarantulas? Thats like choosing between exile and death (by exile)

[–]EminGH 10 points11 points ago

Tarantulas can't kill a human. They're harmless and furry.

[–]eine_person 0 points1 point ago

And icky. You forgot icky. I'll probably never understand, why something harmless with fluffy fur and a whole bunch of shiny round eyes triggers my reflex to back away, but they do. I think it has something to do with the way they move.

[–]Penleg 2 points3 points ago

Sold! to the man in the cold sweat

[–]Coolspoof 10 points11 points ago

84418 people are dumb. All it says is "Have to sleep with tarantulas on your bed" it does not say where YOU have to sleep

[–]Sherrodactyl 2 points3 points ago

But what if the tarantulas never leave? Or what if the person likes the sound of giving speeches to the nation?

[–]Esc4p3 1 point2 points ago

Then throw out the bed and get a new one,

[–]Sherrodactyl 1 point2 points ago

But then the new one will have tarantulas on it because they are "on your bed."

[–]Ajizi 1 point2 points ago

what if I sleep in someone else's bed then?

[–]Sherrodactyl 0 points1 point ago

I would think that'd be valid.

[–]_Wolfos -1 points0 points ago

I don't know. Being able to make a statement with 17 million people listening doesn't seem like a bad thing.

[–]reeru 5 points6 points ago

....I actually like spiders.

[–]Gady_Lala 2 points3 points ago

You are the 7%.

[–]reeru 1 point2 points ago

woot woot?

[–]GiveMeLight 1 point2 points ago

I like them too, but I would take up the first choice willingly.

Both?

[–]andyface 1 point2 points ago

With you on that. People can fuck off.

[–]xiporah 4 points5 points ago

But I like tarantulas. I named my tarantula after Milla Jovovich!

[–]acaellum 2 points3 points ago

Whats it's name?

[–]Penleg 9 points10 points ago

Kevin

[–]xiporah 0 points1 point ago

Milla...

[–]lockwolf 2 points3 points ago

Yep pretty much when I was playing that game I chose the speech one as well.

[–]ArsenalOwl 2 points3 points ago

Are they friendly cuddly tarantulas?

[–]Penny_is_a_Bitch 1 point2 points ago

I don't mind public speaking

[–]boley 1 point2 points ago

Correction, everyone in the world.

Fuck spiders!

[–]voNlKONov 0 points1 point ago

What's that little lock icon in the top right?

[–]AngryCyc 1 point2 points ago

"Ladies and gentlemen of the nation, I come to you today to tell you a very important message: 'Shit shit shit. Oh shit. Fuck these giant-ass spiders.' Thank you. Have a nice day."

[–]ObliviousSkedar 0 points1 point ago

I'd do both; speak to the whole nation about my experience sleeping with tarantulas on my bed and how it changed my life. It would end up being a motivational speech.

[–]Smalltalk91 1 point2 points ago

My speech would be to recite "Ode to the lump of green putty I found in my armpit one midsummer morning".

[–]Latcham60 0 points1 point ago

My speech to the nation... gulps in microphone ummm welll.. i hate all you fuckers peace im out! deuces

[–]mattsprofile 1 point2 points ago

Giving a speech to a whole country wouldn't be any harder than giving a speech just to the people you know...

[–]DARNED_RIPPED_TIT 0 points1 point ago

Man, at first I read that as Transexuals, and thought "well, if they aren't like super obnoxious I don't think I'd have a problem with it".

[–]Emodarkness13 0 points1 point ago

Actually, I quite like spiders.

[–]tubbstosterone 0 points1 point ago

Lets see...Get the chance to bitch at EVERYONE, or be covered in nope. That is a hard decision.

[–]Paxientas 1 point2 points ago

As a Knight of Sealand I don't see why this is even a question.

[–]RNRSaturday 0 points1 point ago

We are the 7%!!!

[–]ShearGenius89 0 points1 point ago

How many tarantulas? 1 fine, 5 sure, 30... Probably not...

[–]Fishing_Dude -1 points0 points ago

"I am here today becuasw fuck tarantulas. Umm so how are you?" That's probably what I would say. Then I would follow up with. "Nah I'm just messing with y'all. Seriously though, I'm only here for the simple reason that I did not want to sleep with tarantulas. Thank you for your time. Oh and one more thing. BAZINGA!" (runs off stage)

[–]Curveball227 0 points1 point ago

What App is that? JW.

[–]radius55 1 point2 points ago

Either way, I'm gonna die. If I pick the bed, I get bitten. If I speak to the nation, I get lynched.

Well, might as well die pissing off as many people as possible.

[–]GoldenSoapbox 0 points1 point ago

I've been seeing a few of these posts and thought I'd download this "game". It's like a never-ending Sophie's choice. I kind of hope reddit gets over this latest infatuation soon.

Would you rather

Play this game for the rest of your life

-or-

Have screen shots of this game be the only submissions on Reddit

[–]lawlshane 1 point2 points ago

LOLZ LE NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE AMIRITE? XD

[–]Pigweed1 0 points1 point ago

What app is that

[–]acousticbatman 0 points1 point ago

I don't get it, which one would reddit's choose? We hate spiders but aren't we all SAP's?

[–]Klaydude11 0 points1 point ago

The hair on tarantulas is barbed and is used as a defense mechanism on large animals i.e. humans. Try not to move much.

[–]jsandler18 0 points1 point ago

If give my speech in a nation that doesn't speak English. I'd say whatever I want and barely anybody would understand me.

[–]youhavetakenmysoul 0 points1 point ago

I would only choose not to sleep with spiders in the concern of the spiders. I absolutely love tarantulas and would want to hurt one when I roll over.

[–]AguyWithflippyHair 0 points1 point ago

I think almost everybody would go with the spiders, cause be honest, Reddit's chock full of SAP's

[–]eine_person 0 points1 point ago

I'd find it pretty hard to fap to a bed full of spiders. And seriously, how many persons on reddit would go through a night without fapping opposed to a speach in front of the whole nation?

[–]AguyWithflippyHair 0 points1 point ago

You just gotta use your imagination

[–]skates90 0 points1 point ago

How is this hard? I have plenty of room on the floor.

[–]EvilCuttlefish 0 points1 point ago

"I'm sure you are all wondering why I am speaking to you today. First and foremost I would rather do this over sleeping in a bed full of spiders..."

[–]taybucs95 1 point2 points ago

What app is this or website?

[–]Annarr 0 points1 point ago

Looked it up, it's called You Rather :)

[–]iLuVtiffany 0 points1 point ago

"What's up America? Speech finished. Sorry for wasting your time."

[–]cubicplains 0 points1 point ago

While I hate public speaking, the thought I could make everyone in the nation hear one of my thoughts is pretty damn cool.

[–]scumbag-reddit 0 points1 point ago

Well, I have no problem with public speaking, or spiders.

[–]rcn123 0 points1 point ago

TARANTULAS CAN'T FUCKING KILL YOU!

[–]TecTwo 0 points1 point ago

Loophole for those with stage fright aka pussies: tarantulas are in a cage on bed.

[–]orzof 0 points1 point ago

One of those would be considered an honor by many. Fear Factor was really underrated.

[–]c6e 0 points1 point ago

"Porn" that is all.

[–]TobyG123[S] 0 points1 point ago

We are the 93%!! Let's go occupy Wall Street!

[–]trikay45 0 points1 point ago

It's more like: Make a speech Or Live in Australia

[–]Kbear52 0 points1 point ago

I have had 50 huntsman spiders in my bed with me. They are bigger than tarantulas and a lot more hairy (tho rarely ever bite)

[–]Tehcarlzor 0 points1 point ago

It not only about the spiders being spiders. Tarantula hair is really itchy!

[–]meimeievo 0 points1 point ago

alexis there???

[–]Doovid97 0 points1 point ago

With the speech though, it could be about anything.

I'd give a speech about tarantulas in beds.

[–]NothingtodohereOGW 0 points1 point ago

Considering that I have extreme social anxiety, I think I'll just sleep with the spiders...yeah that sounds a lot more comfortable than talking to a large group of people.

[–]WamiTWalrus 0 points1 point ago

I can deal with a spider, but only if its fuzzy. If a spider has long ass, skinny as shit legs, I'm out.

[–]MoonBearzzz 0 points1 point ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvjgIxuVdo4 My speech.

[–]Idiotank 0 points1 point ago

I will give a speech to the nation. I will fuckin rock that shit. Gimme me the mic.

[–]imaskydiver -1 points0 points ago

5897 people hate their country

[–]kstetsko21 -1 points0 points ago

5897 people are wrong.

[–]Macorian -2 points-1 points ago

Am I the only one here not afraid of spiders?

[–]Consequentialist 0 points1 point ago

No

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