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top 200 commentsshow all 316

[–]DLG_Pilot 137 points138 points ago

Not to mention, sharks live in it.

[–]jsmayne 46 points47 points ago

fish poop in it

[–]BoobDetective 40 points41 points ago

I do too!

[–]rmccue 17 points18 points ago

Not right now you don't.

[–]reverbs 6 points7 points ago

Unless he's posting from in the bathroom...

[–]manlymustache 3 points4 points ago

It was a line from a porno. The guy is about to stick it in her shitter and she says "But... I poop from there" and the guy replies "Not right now you don't".

[–]Might_Be_Pooping 29 points30 points ago

I might be right now.

[–]danobo 1 point2 points ago

Get Him!

[–]Eternal_210C8A 8 points9 points ago

Water, in it's solid form, can be used to stab someone. Shit's dangerous, man.

[–]ManaSyn 222 points223 points ago

Not in Ireland. Ale's the leading cause of drowning there.

[–]aceoftrachs 102 points103 points ago

And tears...

[–]OmegaArcadia 19 points20 points ago

And ale-flavored tears.

[–]the_penultimate_user 1 point2 points ago

In Ireland, wherever you can find it is a good place to drink.

[–]silent_p 46 points47 points ago

Yeah, but ale is composed of up to 97% water.

[–]egg651 56 points57 points ago

Stealth water

[–]chwilliam 7 points8 points ago

Oh my!

[–]zekerep 6 points7 points ago

Nothing is safe from water.

[–]koolgoben 20 points21 points ago

NSFW Nothing Safe From Water

[–]j9d2 16 points17 points ago

But the ale I drink is 8% alcohol...

[–]doubl3h3lix 18 points19 points ago

Notice, 'up to.'

[–]j9d2 5 points6 points ago

touché.

[–]BattleSalmon 2 points3 points ago

FACT!

[–]spagnitz 2 points3 points ago

no ale worth drinking has 97% water

[–]Ed-alicious 2 points3 points ago

Ale? Like Smithwicks or Kilkenny? I wouldn't think that ale is that popular at all in Ireland. I reckon more cider is drunk here than ale.

[–]showme_the_karma 60 points61 points ago

This stuff is even worse! http://www.dhmo.org/

[–]udbluehens 6 points7 points ago

Wait, it says from the creator of the book "South Park and Philosophy", Richard Hanley. He was my philosophy teacher in college! Gave him a bandanna he wore to class everyday.

[–]LynkDead 2 points3 points ago

Man, I was so disappointed with that book. I bought it thinking it would explore philosophical themes and ideas found in South Park, not teach super rudimentary philosophy using examples from South Park. Oh well.

[–]phreakocious 98 points99 points ago

Drowning is only one of the many risks of dihydrogen monoxide exposure.

[–]Thenerf 44 points45 points ago

On that note.....DID YOU KNOW WATER CONTAINS DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE?!

[–]Cyberslasher 37 points38 points ago

THE GOVERNMENT PUT IT IN THERE!

[–]Mrs_Brisby 20 points21 points ago

They also put oxidized dihydrogen, as well was hydrogen hydroxide in it.

Horrible stuff.

[–]Thenerf 19 points20 points ago

And did you know dihydrogen monoxide is powerful enough to dissolve sodium chloride?

[–]FromOuterSuburbia 13 points14 points ago

Also dihydrogen monoxide, which contains traces of the acid hydronium and strong base hydroxide, can cause oxidization damage to unprotected metals!

[–]Despondent_in_WI 10 points11 points ago

Cheez, don't forget the hydrohydroxic acid in it! Hydrochloric acid only has a pH of 1, but hydrohydroxic acid goes as high as 7!!! It's the solvent of choice for chemists!

[–]Mrs_Brisby 10 points11 points ago

You know, there was a conspiracy going around in the 1920's that the real reason the Titanic sunk was due to direct application of this chemical on the hull of the ship.

[–]Thenerf 5 points6 points ago

Don't even get me started on solid form dihydrogen monoxide. I know someone who broke their arm while walking on the stuff.

[–]WuuZii 5 points6 points ago

[–]missjolie 10 points11 points ago

It's true. Did you know that inhaling even a small amount of dihydrogen monoxide can lead to a severe coughing fit and even death?

[–]Sure_lll_Eat_That 2 points3 points ago

Didn't some girl do a science report on why we should ban dihydrogen monoxide and got some government bigwigs to support her cause because they were too lazy to even google what it was?

[–]Joe_Moneybags_McHuge 4 points5 points ago

Dihydrogen monoxide, also commonly known as hydroxyl acid, is also a potent solvent and a fundamental component of acid rain.

[–]Muter 2 points3 points ago

We have politicians calling for a ban of this toxic substance.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10463579

[–]Synbuick 31 points32 points ago

FACT: The over consumption of water can lead to water intoxication

[–]aceoftrachs 21 points22 points ago

Also: the overconsumption of anything.

[–]science87 22 points23 points ago

I've been taking water for 25 years now without too many problems for me the key to my success is moderation if you approach water as though it won't kill you, your pretty much dead already.

[–]Jyvblamo 11 points12 points ago

I bet I could drink a hundred waters.

[–]Nebulaoblivion 2 points3 points ago

Really? How much water am i going to have to drink to get tipsy?

[–]Cyberslasher 3 points4 points ago

It makes your blood too thin. Go experiment and find out.

[–]YouPickMyName 5 points6 points ago

And he never commented again...

[–]gungnirsmaster 45 points46 points ago

see the ones that say Dihydrogen Monoxide are much more funny because the majority of people will have no idea that its water.

[–]refuzed 7 points8 points ago

When I was in Model UN representing the esteemed nation of Burkina Faso, we successfully banned it by representing it as such. The moderator had no idea what we were all giggling about.

[–]treespleaseSC 7 points8 points ago

I have heard this story so many times it's an urban legend to me.

[–]SpazMcMan 7 points8 points ago

Also, marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

[–]Sariel007 6 points7 points ago

Dihydrogen Monoxide, the silent killer.

[–]BlueShamen 7 points8 points ago

Fact: Water is so addictive, its withdrawal will cause death in all cases.

Fact: Water is a major constituent of industrial waste and acid rain.

[–]Cyberslasher 0 points1 point ago

FACT: In order to turn someone into a terrorist, one must give them water.

[–]Cardis003 5 points6 points ago

Well why is this stuff legal???

[–]blaizer123 8 points9 points ago

down with dihydrogen monoxide!

[–]FaipDeOaid 5 points6 points ago

Water sucks! It really really sucks!

[–]Livingfear 4 points5 points ago

100% of the people I look at will die

[–]mustfndnewname 5 points6 points ago

Would be better if they used its real name, dihidrogen monoxide.

[–]Arandanos 8 points9 points ago

Not to be that nit-picky asshole (even though I'm about to be that guy), but I highly doubt all those people have "admitted to drinking water." I'm sure they have all consumed water, but I doubt they made some sort of confession that revealed their complete beverage consumption history.

[–]penguindog 2 points3 points ago

Does this mean I am a serial killer and just don't know it yet?

[–]scherz0 3 points4 points ago

No, you're a penguindog.

[–]RapNVideoGames 2 points3 points ago

holy shit why doesn't Obama do something about this!

[–]kiwiluke 2 points3 points ago

i prefer the version where they call water dihydrogen oxide, it's fun confusing people into being anti water

[–]superjosh92 3 points4 points ago

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica

[–]brumbrum21 12 points13 points ago

FACT! This was on the front page last week!

[–]powder507 6 points7 points ago

SPECULATION! I'm pretty sure it was yesterday too.

[–]shplink 0 points1 point ago

...and I was hoping someone would have corrected the spelling of the word "ingredient" by now.

[–]JonFawkes 3 points4 points ago

also the beginning of that sentence, "Water one of..."

[–]mrmateo 5 points6 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
The Deadly Facts About Water 7coms 34pts 6dys cripplingalcoholism
100% people exposed to water die, some day ! funny water facts 2coms 2pts 2dys funny

[–]Telecaster1111 2 points3 points ago

Upvote for letting me know that r/cripplingalcoholism exists.

[–]Calebcummings 2 points3 points ago

I have it, on good information, that sharks spend most of their time using water

[–]The_Wisest_of_Fools 2 points3 points ago

FACT
The majority of water is polluted with dihydrogen monoxide.

[–]Whitemenstyranny 2 points3 points ago

Fish fuck in it.

[–]mk12h 1 point2 points ago

Fact: Water houses sharks, alligators, snakes, and other deadly animals

Fact: George W. Bush drank water

Fact: The Japanese who bombed Pearl Harbor drank water

[–]jackcaj 0 points1 point ago

/r/trees would love this.

[–]Mtownsprts 2 points3 points ago

100 percent of persons exposed to water die? ....

[–]scoped22 3 points4 points ago

Great pro-marijuana campaign.

[–]th1nker 0 points1 point ago

As somebody who thinks Dihydrogen Monoxide should be banned, I would advise everybody reading this to research this chemical.

[–]M0b1u5 4 points5 points ago

A very very lame attempt to do what the "SAY NO TO DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE" campaign from many years ago.

[–]franick1987 1 point2 points ago

Sponsored by FOX News.

[–]iehova 10 points11 points ago

GET YOUR POLITICS OFF OF MY FUNNY

[–]lady_jaye 2 points3 points ago

Sponsored by mainstream media.** Let's be fair. And balanced.

[–]Nagrom133 4 points5 points ago

repost.

[–]freddytheteddy22 3 points4 points ago

FACT: this is a repost

[–]DaTScientisT 0 points1 point ago

In all reality, we take water for granted, but it's an incredible liquid with potential to give life and death.

[–]Howfardoesthisthingo 1 point2 points ago

[–]Vanular 1 point2 points ago

I find it hard to believe that 100% of all serial killers, drug dealers and rapists admitted to drinking water.

[–]iEatBluePlayDoh 1 point2 points ago

Hitler did nothing wrong.

[–]jeffpaulwilson 0 points1 point ago

And guns are the leading cause of gun deaths.

[–]ChunkArcade 0 points1 point ago

Finally, a reason to drink beer only.

[–]LarneyStinson 1 point2 points ago

If you don't like water, don't even think about touching Dihydrogen oxide

[–]Commoditism 0 points1 point ago

I think I'll have some water

[–]narcoleptic_insomnia 1 point2 points ago

[–]BrianWonderful 0 points1 point ago

If it’s 'legitimate' water, the body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

[–]A_Pepper_Gerbil 1 point2 points ago

Time to ban water.

[–]hickoguy 0 points1 point ago

Who downvotes this? This was absolutely brilliant.

[–]c0mrade_ethan 1 point2 points ago

Can anyone do this with Dihydrogen Monoxide and this or similar image? Would be much appreciated.

[–]taylorcraig634 1 point2 points ago

Water you getting at?

[–]ImDisruptive 0 points1 point ago

This actually made me laugh out loud.

[–]tarzan322 1 point2 points ago

You think water is bad. Life is the primary cause of death, and fatal in all cases.

[–]Rellikten 1 point2 points ago

I'm sorry, you lost me at ingredints

[–]egg_fu_old 0 points1 point ago

Correction, dihydrogen monoxide.

[–]poopc4 1 point2 points ago

[–]AlexScrivbner 0 points1 point ago

FACT! 100% of water is made from water.

[–]firechant 1 point2 points ago

Oxygen is the most addictive substance on the planet. Within only minutes of withdrawal, the victim dies.

[–]spgtothemax 1 point2 points ago

I'll get my banhammer.

[–]saginawmi420 1 point2 points ago

i think africa is willing to take that risk.

[–]DuckTouchr 0 points1 point ago

I never liked the 100% death rate if exposed thing. I mean, you could say that about anything. 100% of homeowners are going to die, 100% of redditors are going to die.

[–]herdahadda 1 point2 points ago

"Whiskey and water will get you drunk. Vodka and water will get you drunk. Gin and water will get you drunk. What does all this tell you? Water is the one you gotta watch out for. It's dangerous stuff!"

Words of wisdom from my former biology professor.

[–]solidzombie 1 point2 points ago

Pressurized water can cut literally through anything.

[–]panders2reddit 0 points1 point ago

*ingredients.

My gift is both a blessing and a curse.

[–]Inoffensive_Account 0 points1 point ago

This should be posted in /r/conspiracy

[–]InsaneSensation -1 points0 points ago

You can probably get a cancer if you drink too much of it

[–]damo2106 0 points1 point ago

Every boating accident ever, water was there.

[–]DMercenary 0 points1 point ago

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide now!

[–]treefox 1 point2 points ago

FACT! 100% of all serial killers, rapist and drug dealers have admitted to drinking water!!!

There...there are rapist dealers? O_o

[–]JamesEatWorld 0 points1 point ago

I hear dihydrogen-monoxide is pretty dangerous

[–]BenChing91 0 points1 point ago

Let's all petition dihydrogen monoxide now!!!

[–]giraffe_keeper 0 points1 point ago

As a project at my high school, my partner and I designed a srvey to see how much chemistry people at my school actually knew. We started a campaign to ban dihydrogen monoxide from the school, giving reasons similar to the poster. We sent fliers home and brought it up at the PTA meeting. Parents were shocked at how prevalent it was in the school environment. Even the principle was concerned. Of course it was hard to cover up the outbursts from students and parents that were 'smart' enough to actually know what it was (most of the chem/bio teachers already knew what we were doing), but for the few days that it lasted, it was very funny. We almost got water banned from the school.

[–]Duramax2003 0 points1 point ago

i..i didn't know any of those facts until now!!

[–]fermentate 0 points1 point ago

FACT: Dependence on water is so strong that, after only a few days without it, one can die.

[–]spacecadet84 0 points1 point ago

It's high time the government did something about this menace! Ban it!

[–]theytooktomallen 0 points1 point ago

I bought powdered water but didn't know what to add. -Hedberg or Wright.

[–]rapethetargets 0 points1 point ago

Hey I saw this on Facebook too.

[–]buggah 1 point2 points ago

Keep yourself safe from the water menace.

Drink Brawndo.

[–]GENERIC_VULGARNESS 0 points1 point ago

Can't post a link from my phone, but there's an entire website like this. It's pretty funny. The name has something to do with dihydrogen monoxide.

[–]buccsfan1092 0 points1 point ago

next time you present this call water "dihydrogen monoxide" instead then people won't know what you're talking about and they'll get all scared

[–]DOWNWTDASICKNESS 0 points1 point ago

dont drink water fish fuck in it

[–]franklinbrown 1 point2 points ago

Reminds me of that time that Penn and Teller got people to sign a petition banning water.

Edit: Here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi3erdgVVTw

[–]IHazMagics 0 points1 point ago

Good response to "video games cause violent behaviour"

[–]Rivan1 0 points1 point ago

And here I thought it was the epic egos of the douchebags we all work with

[–]dosenga 0 points1 point ago

That moment when the leading cause of death in the world is dirty drinking water.

[–]hustla16 0 points1 point ago

Is there a doctor here that can confirm this?

[–]unoriginal_cocktard 0 points1 point ago

Pretty sure that the guy who wrote this also writes campaign ads for Mitt Romney

[–]Ironn 0 points1 point ago

Better alert the guys in DC to put a ban on water.

[–]Theonetrue 0 points1 point ago

FACT! Every single murderer has consumed water multiple times in his life

[–]m_ch_ll_y 0 points1 point ago

Funny. I thought I'd see this sooner, but it showed up on Facebook last week.

[–]YuNoConsiderMeWitty 0 points1 point ago

I saw this on Facebook a few days ago! No reddit!!!

[–]ToxicPikachu 0 points1 point ago

FACT: I am a huge nerd for laughing at this

[–]Yoda_RULZ 0 points1 point ago

[–]Unluckybutler 1 point2 points ago

Anyone else read that in Dwight Shrutes voice?

[–]Maxtrix07 0 points1 point ago

You should have to be 18 to be able to buy this dangerous product.

[–]j1mb0 0 points1 point ago

I doubt that all those criminals are on the record as having admitted to drinking water.

[–]wchwyzup 1 point2 points ago

my fav is 100% of people exposed to water will die.

Is there anything we could do to reverse its effects?

[–]murtadi007 1 point2 points ago

I lost it after: "Water is the leading cause of drowning!!!"

[–]boolpies 0 points1 point ago

[–]strangefolk 0 points1 point ago

Gives you an idea of how much information can be distorted

[–]chimchim64 0 points1 point ago

Why won't someone think of the children?!?

[–]jal0001 0 points1 point ago

Would be better if it was about "Dihydrogen Monoxide"

[–]bluequail 0 points1 point ago

I am surprised that it didn't mention that water could be found in unhealthy foods.

[–]morrison_floyd 0 points1 point ago

Water? fuck that , electrolytes is where its at.

[–]wickedg3 0 points1 point ago

its code name is h20... must be a killer !

[–]Inukii 0 points1 point ago

Very hard to kill someone with water in a public place without someone doing something about it though.

[–]shyataroo 0 points1 point ago

di-hydrogen monoxide is the scourge of the planet!

[–]capheaped 0 points1 point ago

It sounds much scarier when you call it dihydrogen monoxide

[–]Mmm_Dunkaroos 0 points1 point ago

Never thought this day would come but I actually saw this about a week ago on facebook...

Whats happening to you reddit!?!?!?!?!

[–]FRUITY_GAY_GUY 0 points1 point ago

Call it Dihydrogen Monoxide and people will get scared.

[–]pumam17 0 points1 point ago

FACT! Water is the Most Addictive substance on the Earth.

[–]numbakrunch 1 point2 points ago

"Water is one of the primary ingredients in herbicides and pesticides!!!"

Cripes.

[–]Coltmister 1 point2 points ago

Dwight schrute?

[–]imaskydiver 0 points1 point ago

Hitler drank water...

[–]clifwith1f 1 point2 points ago

Read all of these in a Dwight voice.

[–]Decyde 0 points1 point ago

I cannot wait until they build a microwave gun that evaporates all the water in the human body and leaves people as piles of dust.

[–]willreavis 0 points1 point ago

seriously this was submitted last week. i know this because i bookmark funny links and name them with the date it was posted then i re-post them 3 months later.

[–]Asdf5654 0 points1 point ago

False. Not ever rapist has admitted to it.

[–]Hydris 0 points1 point ago

On an episode of Penn and tellers Bullshit they go around asking people to ban the use of Dihydrogen Monoxide and state facts like this. Amazing how many people they got to sign the petition.

[–]scratchisme 0 points1 point ago

Perfect example of correlation and causation.

[–]iKickComputers 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Penn and Teller did a bit where they got random activists to sign a petition banning water due to the aforementioned reasons. Have a link to the video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi3erdgVVTw Sorry if this was already posted here, too lazy to read through comments.

[–]CunderscoreF 0 points1 point ago

Oh hello Arj Barker

[–]xanj 0 points1 point ago

Ban the evil hydrogen bioxide

[–]specter800 0 points1 point ago

I will accept this just as I accept all political advertisements. No further research is necessary.

[–]JasonUncensored 0 points1 point ago

[–]weeth214 0 points1 point ago

Fact: this picture is a repost

[–]mrRico 0 points1 point ago

this is the best argument against any of those pro-this; anti-that, facebook political posts.

[–]Stunaminak 0 points1 point ago

that's how medias work

[–]poop_locker 0 points1 point ago

I read that in the screaming manswers voice

[–]KevinHupp 0 points1 point ago

[–]farmerfound 0 points1 point ago

This report is brought to you by the good people at Fox News.

[–]manwhowasnthere 0 points1 point ago

Swimming isn't a sport! Swimming is a WAY TO KEEP FROM DROWNING!

[–]ls1003 0 points1 point ago

My eighth grade teacher introduced herself with this on the first day. But she replaced the term 'water' with 'dihydrogen monoxide' making it sound that much scarier.

[–]quapajohn 0 points1 point ago

Is this Fox news?

[–]johnsus 0 points1 point ago

If marijuana prohibition was applied to water....

[–]Shikona 0 points1 point ago

I've always liked this:

This is no joke but a call to BAN dihydrogen monoxide, otherwise know as the invisible, killer substance. For your information, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO in its liquid form, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes tissue damage and contact with its gaseous form causes burns. DHMO use is widespread. For those who have become dependent on it, DHMO withdrawal means death. DHMO can be an environmental hazard: it is a major component of acid rain, contributes to the "greenhouse effect", leads to the erosion of natural landscapes and hastens the corrosion of most metals. Being so prevalent (quantities are found in every stream, lake and reservoir), DHMO contamination is at epidemic proportions. Despite the dangers, DHMO is often used as an industrial solvent, as a fire retardant, in nuclear power plants and (can you believe this) in certain food products. Companies dump waste dihydrogen monoxide into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. STOP THE HORROR NOW! The American government and the United Nations have refused to ban the production, distribution or use of this chemical due to its "economic importance." The navy and certain other military organizations are highly dependent on DHMO for various purposes. Military facilities receive tons of it through a sophisticated underground distribution network. It is also stored in large quantities for military emergencies. BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE! You can help. Act NOW to prevent further contamination. Write your representatives. Start and sign petitions. Send e-mails. Inform your friends about the dangers. What you don't know CAN hurt you and every individual throughout the world

[–]JasonInTheMiddle 0 points1 point ago

[–]alienufosarereal 0 points1 point ago

Lies, more lies, and damned lies.

[–]squidPooN 0 points1 point ago

Seems like one of those marijuana mockery posters or something.

[–]policy_option1230 0 points1 point ago

All of the deadly cancer cells have it in them too.

[–]FlowersofGood 0 points1 point ago

Dihydrogen Monoxide

[–]Whodatguy77 0 points1 point ago

I can confirm this as true...

[–]phaedrus8128 0 points1 point ago

Dihydrogen Monoxide rears its ugly head again. It should be noted this horrifying chemical kills thousands of people a year and is used in gay bathhouses around the world!!

[–]iMalanaD 0 points1 point ago

Dihydrogen monoxide is deadly stuff.

[–]swishahouse713 0 points1 point ago

False! My cousin drown in a pool of mayonnaise.

[–]ReVo5000 0 points1 point ago

[–]Sierra50 0 points1 point ago

Drowning is actually caused by suffocation, not water going into your lungs. Your body automatically prevents the water from going into your lungs but once you "drown," the "flap" that prevents this opens, and the water goes into your lungs.

Now you know.

[–]RepostCommenter 0 points1 point ago

FACT! This was posted 2 days ago, and 6 days ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
The Deadly Facts About Water 7coms 34pts 6dys cripplingalcoholism
100% people exposed to water die, some day ! funny water facts 2coms 2pts 2dys funny

source: karmadecay