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all 174 comments

[–]yazman45 20 points21 points ago

what were you looking up? "dick army"?

[–]boyette 11 points12 points ago

Maybe Vagina Coastguard?

[–]davesterist 0 points1 point ago

army dick

[–]CHARmander2534 223 points224 points ago

As a marine... This is highly upsetting that we would be mistaken for the army -.-

[–]soapman5 110 points111 points ago

As an Army man, it upsets me too......

[–]David_The_Atheist 152 points153 points ago

As an Air Force Guy, I almost wanted to get out of this chair and do something about it.

[–]JoblessGymshorts 31 points32 points ago

As a Navy guy, I've seen gayer stuff.

[–]SSgtMunoz 6 points7 points ago

Lightning within 5 dude, we need to shut down the base!

[–]tbnot 0 points1 point ago

Hey, I knew a SSG Munoz during my time in Korea. Good guy. So I will give you upvotes.

[–]SSgtMunoz 0 points1 point ago

I'm going to Korea very soon. I'll see to it I meet another SSG Munoz

[–]Ohyou_stop 19 points20 points ago

As a former Army Soldier turned defense contractor...During the first 10 weeks of Army basic, and even through AIT, all the Army does is say how much the Air Force sucks...Now at first you believe this, but soon enough you begin to realize things.."Hey...those guys have carpet in their barracks..." "Hey....Those guys don't have any mold growing in their barracks.." "Hey...Those guys aren't surrounded by neck tattoo dirt balls.." "Hey....I should of joined the damn Air Force...They all just look so happy all of the time..."

[–]torturetrilogy 4 points5 points ago

Haha, upvote from a fellow Airman.

[–]IceViper777 0 points1 point ago

Hi Torture.

[–]Mrkiruru 10 points11 points ago

as a immature person, i lol'd

[–]hadjiholdblue 1 point2 points ago

I actually laughed out loud at this comment. Nailed it.

[–]zwerver 4 points5 points ago

As a civilian, it upsets me too...

[–]shadyk84 1 point2 points ago

Upvote for a comrade, hooah.

[–]SC0TTBL4M 26 points27 points ago

i thought these were Army men...

[–]eliza306[S] 19 points20 points ago

Well Im just gonna admit my mistake and say Im sorry for the mix up

[–]jkhamilt27 7 points8 points ago

Ooh-Rah!

[–]DocDick 5 points6 points ago

As a soldier I find it offensive as well.

[–]Kalustar 8 points9 points ago

1/5 here, lets just beat him.

[–]Chirox82 7 points8 points ago

3/9, I'll get in on this.

[–]HoboYellow 9 points10 points ago

1/6 Up in here

[–]th0991 6 points7 points ago

Being on reddit... it took me a minute to figure out why there were so many fractions.

Just glad I'm not seeing anybody from 3/3 on here. Because I'd probably haze them.

[–]RossSim 8 points9 points ago

1st Civ Div. But 3/7 Before that.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Anuglyman 1 point2 points ago

Captain Crunch

[–]HoboYellow 5 points6 points ago

It's crazy how many of us are out there!

[–]XooDumbLuckooX 9 points10 points ago

There's 4 of you.

[–]digital_dong 10 points11 points ago

No, there's more. They just haven't found the reply button yet.

[–]Narwhail0r 4 points5 points ago

3/1 reporting in

[–]donJuanBond 1 point2 points ago

1/9 I just found mine

[–]misteranthrope 0 points1 point ago

Formerly 2/1 Doc.

[–]RearHandStrike 8 points9 points ago

2/3 here gents..

[–]Strlngarcher 1 point2 points ago

3/8 checking in

[–]Skiser 2 points3 points ago

2/9 for the next 17 days. Then freedom

[–]epic_combover 3 points4 points ago

2/1 is in Oki, we'd love to leave this shithole and help out.

[–]tehfatality 0 points1 point ago

7th comm, spent 3 1/2 years there

[–]epic_combover 0 points1 point ago

You mean 7th crime?

[–]Anuglyman 0 points1 point ago

What? I did 2 years in Okinawa, it was fantastic.

[–]HashRunningRapist 2 points3 points ago

Former 2/9 vet. Were you in 2/9 for the 2010-2011 deployment? If so, we probably know each other.

[–]Skiser 2 points3 points ago

Yup, I've been here since May 2008. Comm

[–]HashRunningRapist 1 point2 points ago

....Ski? I'm a certain Searchand...

[–]SGTShow 1 point2 points ago

Yut 2/3 Island Warriors.

[–]th0991 0 points1 point ago

Welcome to the suck! Brings on a whole new meaning when you came to Okinawa.

[–]brickmango 2 points3 points ago

id take that over 29 palms

[–]minidelmacho 2 points3 points ago

Okinawa is easy livin compared to Iwakuni. Live the life, asshole! :P

[–]th0991 0 points1 point ago

I can't say I've heard too much about Iwakuni. As far as I understood it, you guys could go all over mainland.

[–]nyintensity 5 points6 points ago

1/6 reppin' hard up in here

[–]dgrzywacz 2 points3 points ago

it is awesome to know that another person from my unit which is also 3/9 is a fellow redditor. and yes OP should probably eat shit and die

[–]KrimzinBlade666 0 points1 point ago

2/2 has joined the party

[–]acousticfellow 0 points1 point ago

yeah, i realized that those are marpats, not acu's

[–]TheKreeperStach 0 points1 point ago

As a corpsman this is probably a few of us

[–]Anuglyman 0 points1 point ago

As a Marine...This is highly upsetting you wouldn't capitalize Marine.

[–]MeFrogsta5423 0 points1 point ago

I was literally just about to write something about marines. haha amazing :)

[–]h3rm3s221 -1 points0 points ago

Also agree, very sad....

[–]Rapid_Bombarder -4 points-3 points ago

I think this kid is a dumbass and needs to learn his Branches

[–]JammmJam -5 points-4 points ago

As an army man its highly upsetting he thought we'd do something this dumb.

[–]YaSu288 7 points8 points ago

"click"

[–]gorckat 6 points7 points ago

Terrible kerning.

[–]counterstripe 9 points10 points ago

Dedicated Infantry Combat Killers.

[–]congeles 0 points1 point ago

You. I like you.

[–]counterstripe 1 point2 points ago

In basic we would use "d.i.c.k" in this context as a sort of compliment. "Wake up dicks time for PT." or "Nice shot dick!" Mostly we did this because being called dicks everyday by drill sergeants was more enjoyable if we pretended it meant something positive.

[–]Soup_bones 1 point2 points ago

D.edicated I.nfantry C.ombat K.illers

S.uper H.igh I.ntensity T.raining

"Time to go do some DICK SHIT!"

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points ago

'something'

[–]eliza306[S] 6 points7 points ago

for the record it wasn't anything sexual, to be totally honest i was looking up bored cats.

[–]drawingdead0 23 points24 points ago

How the fuck did you get from bored cats to dicks?

[–]leftwing_rightist 17 points18 points ago

Ahh, the internet.

[–]eliza306[S] 8 points9 points ago

No idea that's exactly why it's on Reddit

[–]Lukeios 2 points3 points ago

You ever see how bored cats act?

[–]Brainsmacker 0 points1 point ago

'porn'

[–]DraugrMurderboss 10 points11 points ago

That isn't army. That is something that rhymes with tangarines.

[–]h3rm3s221 9 points10 points ago

Smithereens?

[–]prannisment 2 points3 points ago

Smitherooons

[–]da_faq_jus_happen 11 points12 points ago

Wolverine?

[–]nyintensity 5 points6 points ago

close

[–]SuperSchmyd 0 points1 point ago

bullet catchers?

[–]inthefantry -1 points0 points ago

So close, bullet SPONGES the word was "bullet sponges"

[–]me_and_batman 1 point2 points ago

rappadappabluebibberines? That's the only thing I can think of.

[–]Gilgifax 1 point2 points ago

Okay, Bill Cosby...

[–]aidantheman18 2 points3 points ago

What on earth were you trying to look up?

[–]shroomypizza 5 points6 points ago

I am very curious about the exact search query you had to enter to find this.

[–]hobohandfishin 1 point2 points ago

The "c" DOES have the god damned courtesy to give a reach around

[–]amerikandesi 1 point2 points ago

Repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" they said. It won't make the army gay they said.

[–]All7hatRemains 5 points6 points ago

The military was like this far before the repeal. Everyone gets gayer while deployed. More of a brotherly love type deal though.

[–]dissapointedorikface 4 points5 points ago

It's bromance. Happens whenever a few guys are stuck in the same area for an extended period of time.

[–]nessajaspoon 2 points3 points ago

My husband is a Ranger. I can (unfortunately) confirm this. :(

[–]Zucc 1 point2 points ago

I'm more impressed that you found Marines that can spell. :)

[–]s33ryous 1 point2 points ago

Well you have to do something to occupy yourself in your free time

[–]jstew06 0 points1 point ago

Former Texas house reps?

[–]THEMCThompson 1 point2 points ago

I think this is the military version of a grammatical error, OP just wants to see the world burn.

[–]epic_combover 1 point2 points ago

Aiming stakes....just another day as a mortarman, guess they got tired of playing spades.

[–]mortarmanmike 0 points1 point ago

I'm glad I wasn't the only one to recognize that.

[–]epic_combover 0 points1 point ago

You mortarmen, running around raising hell and being nasty....I envy your skills.

[–]mortarmanmike 0 points1 point ago

Well worth the extra week at basic training lol

[–]Flantastic185 0 points1 point ago

Were you looking for an "army man's dick"? or an "Army of dicks"?

[–]OTuama 0 points1 point ago

What the hell type of gay porn was OP looking up?

[–]i_am_beercules 0 points1 point ago

FIIIIEEEEEELD FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!

[–]sommergirl 0 points1 point ago

[–]blackjackyo 1 point2 points ago

Dick

[–]Pinecone 0 points1 point ago

95% boredom

[–]antsugi 0 points1 point ago

what exactly were you trying to find?

[–]bigmurph13 0 points1 point ago

Marines and dick go together like peanut butter and bananas.

[–]angerrage 0 points1 point ago

those are marines

[–]fallenazn 0 points1 point ago

Were you looking for dick?

[–]Whaleman1234 0 points1 point ago

Click??

[–]Oideron 0 points1 point ago

So you were looking up army dick?

[–]SwagSwaggerson 0 points1 point ago

You were trying to look something up... And you found a picture of the word dick? What were you trying to look up?

[–]joeviper25 0 points1 point ago

And they are Mortarmen

[–]jasonlrush 0 points1 point ago

Downvoted! those are Marines!

[–]AtomicKnight 0 points1 point ago

Don't ask, don't tell, but spelling it out in suggestive poses we will allow.

[–]riversofgore 0 points1 point ago

The things we do in the desert. What happens in the desert stays in the desert.

[–]Talakash 0 points1 point ago

What exactly were you looking up..?

[–]triv94[!] 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one who thought it said "click"? Yes? okaayy..

[–]ElePuss 0 points1 point ago

you were looking up dick weren't you...

[–]Rueex 0 points1 point ago

Something tells me he was searching for dick

[–]Teatreeisawesome 0 points1 point ago

So like, what was it you were searching? Army men dick?

[–]ShermanatorLegend 0 points1 point ago

I think you mean Marines....

[–]Monk_Breath 0 points1 point ago

What were you searching up :S

[–]doritodude103 0 points1 point ago

..the hell were u trying to look up..

[–]diditforthelaulz 0 points1 point ago

Having just graduated Infantry School at Ft. Benning last Friday, I'm surprised no one has mentioned that D.I.C.K. stands for dedicated infantry combat killer.

[–]sam5050 0 points1 point ago

I love a man in camo(;

[–]Dobrooo 0 points1 point ago

I think OP was looking up dicks again....

[–]wrigsam 1 point2 points ago

don't ask, don't tell

[–]Slyfox00 -1 points0 points ago

False! Those are Marines.

[–]jamflex9000 -1 points0 points ago

umm these handsome young men are marines sir not army. i will now proceed to scroll through the comments and enjoy the rage posts

[–]mrleadmagnet 0 points1 point ago

PFC 'I' needs to tuck his nasty undershirt back in.
Combat zone or not, uniform regulations must be observed.

A few more people and they could've had a nice Bohica.

[–]ladyklr 6 points7 points ago

Spoken like a true fobbit

[–]mrleadmagnet 13 points14 points ago

You getting any disability from the VA for losing your sense of humor?

[–]TheMazner 1 point2 points ago

zing

[–]me_and_batman 1 point2 points ago

Be right back... adding a new claim to my VA.

[–]lordkrike 2 points3 points ago

I was going to say, "Spoken like a true E-9".

[–]snafucius 2 points3 points ago

Nice try, SgtMaj Sixta

[–]Efanito 1 point2 points ago

GROOOOOOOOMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING STANDARD

[–]Sowy -4 points-3 points ago

Apparently some marines broke into OP's home and killed him shortly after this mistake. There is an article on www.lemonparty.org covering this in detail.

Friends, don't let his happen to you.

(Edit) I guess there were some "smart people" who really believed I was trying to trick people into clicking a link. Don't you think I'd have disguised the url at least slightly if I were? /facepalm

[–]thegreatvortigaunt 1 point2 points ago

Holy shit, did you JUST discover the internet?

[–]Sowy -1 points0 points ago

umad?

[–]thegreatvortigaunt 0 points1 point ago

If this were 2007, you would be a great troll. You're not being very imaginative. You could have at least changed the display url of lemonparty, could have even fooled some poor sobs at work.

But no. Fail troll.

[–]Sowy -1 points0 points ago

Unless, I wasn't really trying to trick anyone... then I wouldn't. But, I forgot, there are "smart people" like yourself to completely miss that and make an assumption that I was legitimately trying to trick someone..

The joke wasn't to trick anyone, it was just to make them have a small chuckle. There was no trolling. Do you even know what trolling is?

This is the danger of joking on Reddit. There are so many people who think they are just so damned smart that sometimes they miss a little wry kidding and take it for serious.

[–]thegreatvortigaunt 0 points1 point ago

You're an idiot. No-one chuckled. Get off the internet, you bloody infant. People trying to be funny don't reply With "umad?".

[–]Sowy -1 points0 points ago

The internet is filled with people like you. You made a fool of yourself by assuming I was seriously attempting to trick anyone, then you cover it with more assinine rhetoric. I'm done with you unless you want to come off that pedestal and talk like adults =)

[–]thegreatvortigaunt -1 points0 points ago

The internet is full of idiots, it's true. It's not impossible for someone to seriously post something like that. You're probably trying to cover YOUR mistake.

But did you really think it was funny? There's a quote by some bloke, "when everyone pretends to be an idiot, eventually it will be impossible to tell between the pretenders and the actual idiots who missed out on the joke". You fill this perfectly, pretender.

[–]Sowy -1 points0 points ago

So, the rest of my story was completely believable to you? It was ONLY the link that made you realize it was phony?

Think about it. <-- note, no insults thrown in my post.

Edit: Or you can just downvote me and exit stage left in shame. That works too.

[–]AstaraelGateaux -2 points-1 points ago

I believe these are the same guys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haHXgFU7qNI

[–]Bamba1260 0 points1 point ago

Nope. Marines in the pic - Army in video.

[–]FlavorousShawty 0 points1 point ago

yeah... trying to look something up.... sure OP....

[–]jstev612 0 points1 point ago

Marines**

[–]Hooin_Kyoma 0 points1 point ago

This is what i'v learned about Reddit so far:

-Its filled with army men

-Drill Sargents

-kids who engage in bestiality

-Biologists

-Physicists

-Ripped guys

-Men with giant penises

-Girls pretending to be men

-Rapists ( apparently )

-Handsome men who make most feel incredibly ugly

-porno stars

Heck, the list would never end, such diversity all in one click.

[–]reagan2016 -1 points0 points ago

Your tax dollars at work!

[–]Reefwater 0 points1 point ago

They are Marines fyi, and yes it does matter. Other than that I am amused.

[–]Physics_Unicorn -2 points-1 points ago

Army Men without Hats. They can dick around if they want to.

[–]DRTYRYDR686 -5 points-4 points ago

Should they be out sreadin freedom and democracy? Looks more like they're doing dick!

[–]3825 -3 points-2 points ago

what a dick (: