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WTF

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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]bunglejerry 1300 points1301 points ago

The looping gif makes it look like she's double-checking she really did see that.

[–]sccrweeeeee4 1635 points1636 points ago

Worst is when your mom has your grade 5 teacher over for coffee and she takes a wrong turn trying to find the bathroom and you stop and freeze and as a subconscious thing throw your hands up like she's a cop or something and she freezes too and you see her make a quick glance at your dick which makes you immediately jizz all over your chest and you try to show no reaction at all to your pleasure which causes tears to stream down your expressionless face as your dick continues to flop around like a fish out of water.

[–]_SquirtsMacIntosh 886 points887 points ago

ಠ_ಠ Wat.

[–]KaptainKershaw 785 points786 points ago

[–]Bonershorts 408 points409 points ago

Risky click.

[–]cruxae 646 points647 points ago

Not a dick,

worth the click.

PS - It's just a fish.

[–]JewBoySandler 143 points144 points ago

I think it's a shark.

[–]iheartdewey 472 points473 points ago

Sharks are fish.

[–]JewBoySandler 378 points379 points ago

Well in that case, I'm dumb and I should feel dumb. :(

[–]horriblemonkey 212 points213 points ago

But not all fish are not sharks.

[–]DeliriousZeus 27 points28 points ago

Don't worry, with this comment you've made more karma on this thread than the person who corrected you.

[–]Chris_B 41 points42 points ago

Shark Week: Reddit Edition

[–]chiz0 125 points126 points ago

[–]VaginalFungus 80 points81 points ago

Sharks aren't fishes. They're aquatic curtains that give their life to hide the wrath and the evil doings of Sir Potatius by continually farting hormonal growth based toxins into the water affecting microscopic water creatures and turning them into gigantic inferior badass motherfuckers. Why else do you think whales are so huge?

tl;dr horse radishes are considered the staple food of Irish women and mentally challenged ponies. Thank you

[–]JewBoySandler 95 points96 points ago

Are you broken?

[–]HighlandMoongazer 29 points30 points ago

Related to ~t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m~, I think.

[–]electromage 13 points14 points ago

I think sharks are fish.

[–]Owlzar 9 points10 points ago

Sharks are a type of fish.

[–]Gaproman123 23 points24 points ago

Sharks belong to the Class Chondrichthyes which consists of cartilaginous fish

[–]Canadian_Man 18 points19 points ago

The more you know.

[–]DivinusVox 24 points25 points ago

Yes, yes, stomp this joke into the fucking dirt, good.

[–]michaelhigginbotham 5 points6 points ago

Rubs hands together feverishly

[–]Estatunaweena 48 points49 points ago

[–]BraKes22 59 points60 points ago

That picture smells like old people.

[–]Ronnie_James_Diode 34 points35 points ago

She looks like the pope.

[–]xingan 13 points14 points ago

Only if Moomin Valley is in vatican.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Joubin 114 points115 points ago

It could probably get worse... Mom walks in... Then the dog runs in and starts licking your semen on your chest, and they can tell. They just know, you've done that before.

[–]thegavin 58 points59 points ago

[–]WhistleForTheChoir 47 points48 points ago

I love how classy reddit is.

[–]thegavin 28 points29 points ago

It's really classy. Just check out /r/gentlemanboners . Those guys are quite classy.

[–]Basic_Stance 43 points44 points ago

Thought I'd see well dressed men with boners, all there is is well dressed ladies who give you boners.

Well played.

[–]thegavin 24 points25 points ago

Hmm, yes, quite exquisite.

[–]SirFappington_The3rd 14 points15 points ago

Quite. One of my fondest subreddits.

[–]Lochcelious 4 points5 points ago

Too soon?

[–]Joubin 14 points15 points ago

Nope. I'm his long lost older brother who is into dog S&M.

Besides, Colby was never genuinely interested in any real fun.

(this is /r/WTF right?)

[–]isthatafixiebro 2 points3 points ago

after clicking on your comment i spent a good ten minutes catching up on this guy's life

[–]xsr 66 points67 points ago

[–]Likestechlongtime 24 points25 points ago

Why does his left eye keep turning?

[–]Widget05 10 points11 points ago

Wow I never noticed that before, can't unsee

[–]jamintime 27 points28 points ago

Wait... grade 5?!? Maybe this is a cultural thing, but grade 5 in the U.S. means you are 9 to 10 years old. I am deeply upset and intrigued. I think I may have missed out on years of self-stroking.

EDIT: 5th grade = 9 to 11

Response from OP below- "I was 17 at the time, my grade 5 teacher and my mom are good friends."

[–]hans91 12 points13 points ago

5 grade in parts of Europe is at 12, with "school" starting for every child that will have its 7th birthday on particular year.

It was the grade that my class-mates had started growing breasts, so by extension the year where 12 year old me lost its mind purity.

[–]sreddit 88 points89 points ago

[–]YouPickMyName 5 points6 points ago

That's one way to creep th fuck out of security.

"Excuse me sir, could you please remove your helmet?"

"Ahhhh!"

[–]TwoCatsGrinding 35 points36 points ago

That's exactly what I was thinking.

[–]form_wrestle_account 34 points35 points ago

And that is how I met your mother.

[–]MauPow 6 points7 points ago

Classic Schmosby.

[–]naich 12 points13 points ago

Nah, that's the BEST bit. Amateur perverts make me sick.

[–]Perwers 83 points84 points ago

Shitty_Watercolour,please!

[–]OldCrankyBastard 22 points23 points ago

Yes, hate it when that happens twice a week.

[–]chargingkoala 22 points23 points ago

this is oddly specific

[–]Sengura 17 points18 points ago

I want to see a shitty_watercolor of this.

[–]HydraCarbon 18 points19 points ago

Yeah, I kept thinking, Why do you keep looking?!?

[–]trahh 5 points6 points ago

She really is double taking. the .gif ends when she closes the door.

[–][deleted] 351 points352 points ago

He's just pissed off because she spilled coffee on his shirt and the stain won't come off.

[–]cariakis 196 points197 points ago

He sure is scrubbing hard tho.

[–]nick-greco 347 points348 points ago

THIS IS CONSIDERED HUMOROUS BECAUSE THE YOUNG MAN IS CLEARLY STIMULATING HIS PENIS RATHER THAN CLEANING A STAIN

[–]boudy077 142 points143 points ago

[–]maddzy 388 points389 points ago

Classic Kevin...

[–]codythebeau 265 points266 points ago

It's necessary that we discuss him.

[–]tobiasfunk3 96 points97 points ago

The one thing they didn't do...

[–]ArsonParty 15 points16 points ago

let's buy him a bow and arrow instead

[–]Cajun 28 points29 points ago

Maybe just talk to him?

[–]7EyedManGoatOnACross 34 points35 points ago

I think it would be more effective if we talked about him

[–]HeteroLifePartner 138 points139 points ago

He's so good at archery and babysitting.

[–]stanfan114 50 points51 points ago

Good lord I wanted to hit that kid so badly.

[–]furyasd 40 points41 points ago

That film gave me bad feels.

Fuck it.

[–]ahookerinminneapolis 40 points41 points ago

Book is so beautifully written. The twist at the end would make Shamayalan cream.

[–]whattheponytail 10 points11 points ago

the book really is, the movie on the other hand...

[–]ThaddyG 9 points10 points ago

I just saw the movie the other night, I thought it was pretty well done. I had been seeing it in Redbox for months but always passed it up because I assumed it was sort of a sappy drama-comedy affair. Definitely a bit more macabre than expected, but in a good way.

[–]Shannynh 255 points256 points ago

That movie was so disturbing. Now I'm always on the lookout to make sure my kids aren't doing something totally fucked up and evil. They're 1 and 3 so that's basically all day, everyday.

[–]Jsanchez72 82 points83 points ago

What movie is this?

[–]Shannynh 163 points164 points ago

We Need to Talk About Kevin. Tilda Swinton, John C. Reilly, and Ezra Miller.

[–]dillypo 248 points249 points ago

Is this that movie where the kid gets caught by his add sodomizing their dog colby and the kid promises never to do it again but then the dad catches him again and tries to bring it to his wife's attention but the wife doesn't believe him adn eventually kicks him out of the house while saying he's the one who ass raped the dog and the kid just pretends like his dad is crazy?

If so, that movie is fucked up.

[–]AndrewJacksonSwagger 53 points54 points ago

Wait, wasn't this an actual thing that happened to someone and they came to Reddit for help for? Or am I mixing up my realities again?

[–]MilesOkeefe 22 points23 points ago

It was only a series of posts on AskReddit. The joke is that it's so crazy that it should be a movie.

[–]Screaming_Monkey 21 points22 points ago

That would make an interesting movie.

[–]dagumboss 35 points36 points ago

Give us a review in one sentence.

[–]metaldood 155 points156 points ago

Fucked up

[–]meltedlaundry 65 points66 points ago

...but in a fucked up kinda way.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

I'm getting a "Happiness"/"Storytelling" vibe from the gif. that kind of fucked up? or "Serbian Film" fucked up?

[–]jihad_dildo 30 points31 points ago

Have you seen "A serbian film" ?

[–]terriblehuman 14 points15 points ago

oh god, it cannot possibly be as fucked up as that movie.

[–]Flawkes 30 points31 points ago

"It tells the story of a down-on-his-luck porn star who agrees to participate in an "art film", only to discover that he has been drafted into a snuff film with child rape and necrophilic themes." ~wikipedia

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Bloodysneeze 3 points4 points ago

It is beyond awful.

[–]inkrat 47 points48 points ago

"It's not a movie for lazy dumbfucks like you."

There.

[–]KingOfSwords 59 points60 points ago

Holy shit, I felt the burn from here. I said "Oh shiiiiit" out loud and did that thing where you cover your mouth. You know what I'm talking about.

[–]SouthBound35 19 points20 points ago

[–]KingOfSwords 7 points8 points ago

Yeah, like that.

[–]gamfreak 6 points7 points ago

Cold and foreboding with virtually no character development and little re-watch value

[–]blueboxbandit 6 points7 points ago

Wow my mom suggested watching this when I was visiting the other day. Really dodged a bullet there.

[–]spacehamster42 67 points68 points ago

PROTIP: If you ever catch your kid sodomizing your dog, don't wait until he does it a second time to tell your wife.

[–]okieT2 13 points14 points ago

/r/toosoon is the other way...

[–]Counterkulture 130 points131 points ago

Masturbation is healthy, though. He's just REALLY healthy.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]JustMadeYouYawn 97 points98 points ago

Someone give him a cigarette.

[–]RobotChrist 33 points34 points ago

He's not talking about masturbation, the kid masturbating is really evil. Masturbating in front of his mom is one of his "cute" details.

[–]Hovsky 6 points7 points ago

Masturbating in front of his mom is one of his "cute" details.

Never before has this sentence not warranted beheading.

[–]redhat12345 348 points349 points ago

He grows up to be Professor Snape

[–]red321red321 215 points216 points ago

he loves to drain his dragon, polish his wand, stroke his one eyed snake and slay his basilisk

[–]adamgrey 253 points254 points ago

Strangle his house elf

[–]RudeTurnip 11 points12 points ago

I like this one.

[–]housecattt 15 points16 points ago

this made me laugh a little bit too hard

[–]Pups_the_Jew 57 points58 points ago

Beat his bludger

[–]surells 77 points78 points ago

Expectro his patronus.

[–]TheNinjaTramp 14 points15 points ago

Drain his dragon? The mind boggles.

[–]captainAwesomePants 31 points32 points ago

Oh, that's a good one! Boggles his boggart!

[–]surells 7 points8 points ago

Ridiculous! Oh, boggles, sorry.

[–]divinesleeper 6 points7 points ago

Swish and flick his wand, grasp his snitch, stroke his hagrid, pull up his nimbus 2000

[–]jonidas 21 points22 points ago

Polish his goblet of fire? release his prisoner of azkaban? ride the firebolt? light his hogwarts express?

[–]Chadley655321 8 points9 points ago

Take captain Picard to warp speed

[–]Delvil 35 points36 points ago

Is it me or does he look like the dude from that one picture, the one of that guy in front of his birthday cake, alone with just his mom, and a candle that says "24"?

That photo broke my heart.

[–]PooOnAPlate 76 points77 points ago

[–]SpyhopX 19 points20 points ago

Why is this sad? Man, if someone had baked me a homemade cake on my 20th birthday I'd have been thrilled.

[–]fapficionado 11 points12 points ago

Also 20 is less sad than 24. I don't feel sorry for you if you live with your mum and you were a teenager yesterday.

[–]v-a-n-e-s-s-a 3 points4 points ago

I'm kind of interested in seeing that. I wanna be sad.

[–]xdzgor 274 points275 points ago

I love it when chicks walk in on me like that. Happens quite often in the library.

[–]MdmeLibrarian 20 points21 points ago

You bastard. You're getting it all over our books.

[–]uvSteel 113 points114 points ago

[–]sje46 3 points4 points ago

That happy black guy is cute.

[–]JewBoySandler 65 points66 points ago

Hah.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]CelticLegend94 17 points18 points ago

Read The Art of War, I jizzed on the first sentence. [Edit] Or the Lusty Argonian Maid

[–]ec1548270af09e005244 9 points10 points ago

Such strong legs and shapely tail...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Catmand0 39 points40 points ago

This is one of the more unsettling things I've seen all day.

[–]bryster126 17 points18 points ago

The movie is called We Need To Talk About Kevin. It's great if you like that "spider in your anus" feeling.

[–]jdcooktx 61 points62 points ago

why does she keep opening the door?

[–]duckman273 36 points37 points ago

Because she's the best mum ever.

[–]kriegsdrachen 118 points119 points ago

IRL = GIF from a movie?

[–]PinkiePieCupcake 69 points70 points ago

Source? O.o

[–]ivann196 117 points118 points ago

We need to talk about Kevin. It's a movie, pretty good one actually

[–]anonoman925 43 points44 points ago

Movie scared the shit out of me

[–]fanny_pack 23 points24 points ago

I just watched it a couple days ago and I have to agree. That movie is whacked the fuck out crazy.

[–]anonoman925 8 points9 points ago

I have two yr old who throw tantrums - makes me shiver.

[–]onomnoms 22 points23 points ago

Made me seriously reconsider getting inseminated. I wouldn't go stand next to construction sites and sigh in relief. I'd end up putting him in a blender.

[–]Flyingtista 31 points32 points ago

"On tonight's episode of will it blend"

[–]eXtreme98 6 points7 points ago

"Don't breathe this!"

[–]Zenodice 7 points8 points ago

what

[–]steenarie 3 points4 points ago

Within the first 20 minutes of watching it, I was happy the theater I was in served beer.

[–]wittie888 18 points19 points ago

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/we_need_to_talk_about_kevin/

I'm going to watch this movie tonight.

[–]asoiafinclass 16 points17 points ago

says rated R let me know if you see boobs

[–]Kalashnikov74 20 points21 points ago

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1242460/parentalguide

IMDb usually describes the naughty bits quite well.

[–]LemonFrosted 18 points19 points ago

Wait... WTF... I thought that was a slow moving drama about parenting a child with autism. It's a psychological thriller?

[–]Careless_Con 52 points53 points ago

They wish all he had was Autism.

[–]LemonFrosted 4 points5 points ago

Oh, man. I almost wish we went to see it in theatres, then. Walk in expecting Kramer vs. Kramer 2: The Depressening, come out having seen The Good Son 2: Everybody Dies.

[–]DwightKashrut 3 points4 points ago

My mind lumped this movie in with Cyrus for some reason, so I assumed it was a heartlifting comedy. I wonder how many terrible dates this movie was responsible for.

[–]pelanderfunk 3 points4 points ago

I love that I can just look the plot up on Wikipedia. This is a movie I was curious about but would never actually watch.

[–]98521745639852174563[S] 245 points246 points ago

[–]averagemonkey 111 points112 points ago

How do you remember your username?

[–]DragoonDM 798 points799 points ago

Two swastikas on the numpad.

[–]mi_nombre_es_ricardo 168 points169 points ago

I get it. I FINALLY GET IT!!

[–]corpsefireNL 76 points77 points ago

HOLY SHIT. HOLDING ALT AND TYPING HIS FULL USERNAME MAKES

n

N IS FOR NAZI

THIS IS TOO FUCKING META I'M OUT

[–]Xinil 34 points35 points ago

N as in Mancy.

[–]incinerate55 42 points43 points ago

holy shit mind blown

[–]JewBoySandler 25 points26 points ago

Well... That's slightly haunting.

[–]JimJimBinks 3 points4 points ago

That almost sounds like an old-timesy unit of measurement.

[–]DragoonDM 7 points8 points ago

Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of Nazis on 'em. 'Give me two swastikas on the numpad,' you’d say. Now where were we? Oh yeah -- the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.

[–]dianeruth 46 points47 points ago

0118 999 881 999 119 725.... 3

[–]averagemonkey 17 points18 points ago

Hello, I've had a bit of a tumble.

[–]Bobilip 20 points21 points ago

The remember me box.

[–]jazzrz 19 points20 points ago

NEVER LOGS OFF

[–]Saifir 8 points9 points ago

It's that swastika thing on the 10key, twice. :/

[–]JediMindTricks2011 4 points5 points ago

We need to talk about Kevin http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1242460/

[–]Mojimoto 14 points15 points ago

Why does she keep coming in?

[–]KaptainKershaw 11 points12 points ago

Bow-chicka-wow-wow..

[–]Fuck_it_im_fapping 263 points264 points ago

Oh yeah, stare him right in the soul and finish.

[–]maddzy 378 points379 points ago

Her. That's his mother.

[–]Fuck_it_im_fapping 303 points304 points ago

Even Better.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Forever_Awkward 73 points74 points ago

Is there a single post in all of reddit it's not perfect for?

[–]sambojomo 9 points10 points ago

[–]Grimsonite 5 points6 points ago

It's about a sociopath.

Well, who saw that coming.

[–]ansonr 36 points37 points ago

His mom.

[–]drunk_otter 122 points123 points ago

There's a young man who hold the future in his hands.

[–]The_Sign_Painter 47 points48 points ago

I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on. I'm not turned on.

[–]catchthewheel 26 points27 points ago

Wikipedia tells me the guy in the pic is 19, so it's all good.

[–]preventDefault 20 points21 points ago

Everyone likes twinks.

[–]thenshesays 39 points40 points ago

I AM turned on. I AM turned on. I AM turned on. I AM turned on. I AM turned on. I AM turned on. I AM turned on. I AM turned on. I'm extremely turned on.

[–]GoAwayStupid 11 points12 points ago

It's okay. I'm turned on too.

[–]appleman94 17 points18 points ago

i used to know a kid who would play a game where, just as he was about to finish, he would call for someone in the house, and try and finish and clean up before they would catch him, i'm glad i don't know him anymore.

[–]fa1921 27 points28 points ago

The Fap and the Furious

[–]Bleekou 23 points24 points ago

Oh OP is the guy with the swastika as a nickname.

[–]jaexi 17 points18 points ago

Is it strange that I find him really attractive?

[–]lilacbear 6 points7 points ago

He IS really attractive

I think he's gay though, unfortunately for me.

[–]JarlofDenmark 3 points4 points ago

Fortunate for me though.

I totally have a shot.

[–]oohlala2747 1 point2 points ago

Well if you do, I'm wrong with you! I was actually reading the thread waiting for someone to say this. Most kissable lips ever....LOVE Ezra Miller. He was perfect for this role!

[–]SoulArcanium 34 points35 points ago

[–]hardaysknight 8 points9 points ago

OH GOD WHY DOES SHE KEEP OPENING THE DOOR

[–]enimem 11 points12 points ago

Seriously, who faps while standing up..

[–]funkyfreshNfruity 9 points10 points ago

"HEY, C'MON! CAN'T YA SEES i'M WORKiN' HERE!?"

[–]sjlopez87 4 points5 points ago

Found this on youtube of all places..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ODy7fljm48

[–]MassAphex 8 points9 points ago

From the movie We Need to Talk About Kevin. The film is from the perspective of the mother and told through flashbacks as she copes with life after her son, Kevin, commits a massacre at his high school. Beautiful film in my opinion, and an inside look on how psychopaths become psychopaths.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

Tilda Swinton is a very attractive lady.

[–]ChickenShoes 9 points10 points ago

No wonder he was wanking to her.

[–]madison12304 6 points7 points ago

I have the same look in my eyes when I'm trying to get ketchup out of a new bottle... oh wait, my bad, I'm so embarrassed, I should have known when I saw him with his shirt off, he's exercising with shake weights...

[–]Devin_46290 3 points4 points ago

Such a fucked up movie.

[–]Ianw82 4 points5 points ago

That whole movie is just a bunch of WTF EDIT:link - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1242460/

[–]Iago_23 1 point2 points ago

By IRL you mean in a movie