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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]old_rebel_yeller 768 points769 points ago

I have a secret. I actually apply for a job once in a while and go to the interview even though I'm not actually going to take the job if it's offered. It's like having a counseling session where I tell all the great things about me and I'm all dressed up, smell good and have a fresh haircut -- a real morale booster. People at my real job always kid with me on those days "Hey, where's the job interview!" If they only knew.

[–]withoutahat 114 points115 points ago

This is a phenominal idea if only to stay comfortable in the event of a layoff or other such scenario.

[–]FatCat433 201 points202 points ago

Except now you have all these places that don't want to interview you because you turned them down last time.

[–]emlgsh 70 points71 points ago

That's not entirely accurate. It's business, and most places don't take that sort of thing personally (and are usually floating offers to at least one other applicant) and might even view you as a desirable asset to keep in mind if you turn them down the right way.

It's like dating.

[–]ProtoKun7 300 points301 points ago

It's like dating.

TIL I will never have a job.

[–]Benevolentia 6 points7 points ago

TIL all redditors are unemployed.

[–]Montgomrie 45 points46 points ago

"Hmm, this young man isn't hideous looking. Has a sense of humor and, what appears to be a squirrel in his trousers. He could be a valuable asset."

[–]FunnyUpvoteForYou 13 points14 points ago

Upvoted for trouser squirrel. The internet needs more of these references, and so does my resume.

[–]Esc4p3 4 points5 points ago

SIMP Squirrels in my Pants

[–]TheTranscendent1 15 points16 points ago

Yea, next time you apply you'll often get fast tracked because you've already been vetted

[–]Assaultman67 10 points11 points ago

As long as you don't let them know that you never had the intent of taking the job anyway.

I certainly would be pissed if someone was wasting my time for some type of ego boost.

[–]thosethatwere 11 points12 points ago

it's not personal

It's like dating.

Amen to that.

[–]AndrewRyan_BS 9 points10 points ago

It's like dating.

If that's how you date, fuck you.

[–]TheTranscendent1 6 points7 points ago

He's simply saying if they can't have you they want you more. It's not about a style its simply psychology

[–]emlgsh 11 points12 points ago

I've seen more hurt feelings and fucked-up behavior caused by the "focus on one person, hope you can pigeon-hole them into your ideal of a perfect mate, get obsessed, blame them and spiral into despair when it doesn't work" method of dating than neither party being exclusive at the early stages of the relationship.

It's easier to keep a healthy, non-obsessed outlook when you're working with a few potentials, and easier to choose over time based on behavior and circumstance rather than being forced to either try to change them, ignore their flaws, or force a more long-term relationship onto something that only works casually.

[–]_Allusion 45 points46 points ago

Methinks OP doesn't apply to jobs directly in his field

[–]DockD 37 points38 points ago

Then how does he get the interviews...................dot...

[–]fractalife 36 points37 points ago

Apply to jobs where the only required credentials are a high school diploma and a background check. Maybe a background check.

[–]awesumjon 13 points14 points ago

You make it sound easy.

[–]fractalife 14 points15 points ago

OP made it sound easy. I made it sound plausible.

[–]sandman369 13 points14 points ago

A resume slathered in lies? Sprinkled with exaggerations... oooh and melted cheese on top.

Wait, what's the topic again?

[–]evilbob 5 points6 points ago

Same as anyone does, by bullshitting their arses off.

[–]Eurynom0s 10 points11 points ago

Just half-lie: "Sorry, I have an offer from another place."

Businesses go wild for the people who other businesses also want.

[–]eat-your-corn-syrup 3 points4 points ago

Wow this really is like dating

[–]parlezmoose 2 points3 points ago

Also... I got better shit to do.

[–]kurin 3 points4 points ago

Unless you say, "Nah just fucking with you," they probably won't care.

[–]commonplatypus 10 points11 points ago

I did the same thing for a period of about six months. Then I found a job I liked (Blew me away, actually. Still can't believe I work here.) and accepted the offer. This strategy not only keeps your charisma skills sharp, it may actually randomly find you a job you want to work for out of sheer chance. That last part is important. Even if you like what you do now, looking is never bad. It can always get better and a well-rounded work history is just as important as staying with a company for a long stretch of time.

Coincidentally, I've heard a rule of thumb that after about five years with a company, you should begin looking to move on, so as to keep your resume and job skills robust and current. Not sure how true that is, but it makes sense to me.

[–]Chivalric 4 points5 points ago

I think this depends a lot on your field and what kind of possibilities for advancement you currently have. For example, if you work in a law firm and are kicking ass then you should probably stay there in hopes of becoming partner. Of course if you just work in a cubicle farm then the 5 years thing sounds like an excellent idea. My understanding is a lot of places really under-appreciate their employees, and you have to be mercenary to get anywhere.

[–]pixiegod 1 point2 points ago

I am not sure who told you changing jobs makes you more desireable as a job applicant.

When I hire, I look for people who jump jobs and almost always immediately drop them from the selection if they don't have a valid reason...like they were consultants or their SO was studying and needed to make be around a lot.

I am in IT...so things might be different than your profession...but longevity proves two things for me...that your previous boss liked your work, and that you won't leave my team randomly.

[–]withoutahat 2 points3 points ago

Funny you say that, it was the part I left from my comment. I've heard the same thing about a five year limit though very related to the position you're in. If you're there for 5 years they will expect that going forward with no chance of advancement.

[–]anbu13 169 points170 points ago

I used to go to interviews just for practice. After a certain point of repeatedly doing this, my ego got carried away because I knew answers before they were asked.

[–]_Allusion 357 points358 points ago

-Hello anbu13, what is...

-KRYPTONITE, haha, just kidding, I'm a kidder. My biggest weakness is that I'm too detail oriented that I don't focus on the big picture.

[–]Ingenium21 167 points168 points ago

i never got the biggest weakness one. i always got the five biggest weaknesses one. who the fuck keeps track of five things they do shitty?

[–]_Allusion 366 points367 points ago

You can't keep track, eh?

That sounds like a pretty big weakness

[–]Ingenium21 108 points109 points ago

...touché

[–]JMaboard 126 points127 points ago

"My biggest weakness is holding back my rage while answering stupid fucking questions."

[–]EntingFantastic 60 points61 points ago

"No one's ever said to me before. You've got balls kid and my company needs a new pair. YOU'RE HIRED!"

If only this would happen.

[–]JMaboard 22 points23 points ago

"Fuck you, give me money and I'll do shit for you...I'll even murder your wife."

[–]cheapdvds 1 point2 points ago

Happened in TED.

[–]realfinkployd 60 points61 points ago

I just hand them a card that says "I often over prepare"

[–]MaxIsAlwaysRight 6 points7 points ago

That is absolute genius. As someone with interviews lined up, I am totally stealing this.

[–]Mr_Hermitiowish 3 points4 points ago

I'm stealing it too. Maybe when they keep getting the same bullshit answers, they will stop asking the same bullshit questions

[–]kingwi11 12 points13 points ago

my god i want to say this... just once.

[–]JMaboard 6 points7 points ago

One day my friend one day.

HR people don't have souls anyways.

[–]TheCuntDestroyer 6 points7 points ago

Thats a strength.

[–]Docster87 9 points10 points ago

Yeah but we still need to find four more...

[–]friggle 62 points63 points ago

I'm lactose-intolerant, I'm afraid of spiders, I don't like onions, sometimes I backspace 20 times when it'd be more efficient to highlight and delete, and sometimes I eat too much sour candy and it burns my tongue

[–]splepage 10 points11 points ago

You're hired! You start as a sour candy taster next monday!

[–]Cheeky_Hustler 2 points3 points ago

I think everyone has that last weakness.

[–]Kietus 75 points76 points ago

weakness 1: keeping track of another 4 weaknesses

[–]breakingthelegs 87 points88 points ago

1: I joke too much

2: My Jokes are often filled with bad puns

3: Sometimes my jokes are edgy

4: Sometimes I even reference your personal life in my jokes

5: I always forget to lock doors before I murder someone, is that door locked? Just kidding, next question.

[–]ksmash 36 points37 points ago

You're hired. We've been looking for some one to fill our axe murderer position.

[–]DoWhile 14 points15 points ago

Where's the pun?

[–]Helmic_Thighbottom 45 points46 points ago

Biggest weakness: I have difficulty differentiating between fiction and reality.

Biggest strength: I'm Batman.

[–]prezjordan 13 points14 points ago

  1. I work too hard.
  2. I care too much.
  3. I have a tough time counting to 5.

[–]sandman369 22 points23 points ago

Next time your answer should be "1) I sometimes get carried away trying to do every task perfectly. 2) I'm unable to remember more than 2 things I'm bad at."

[–]Trollfailbot 19 points20 points ago

Your answer should be something like:

Im working on X using Y technique in order to produce a favorable Z result.

X should be something like time management (but dont make it seem like youre awful at it) where Y would be something like keeping a detailed daily schedule, and Z would be something like producing more work efficiently and timely.

Most interview questions boil down to them wanting you to tell a short story including elements of a Problem, a Course of Action, and the corresponding good Result.

[–]ONinAB 8 points9 points ago

STAR - situation, task, action, result.

[–]TheGoomba 8 points9 points ago

I've never gotten either of these and it was the first answer I actively prepared. I get "what was a time you had to deal with unreasonable stress" "what makes you better than the other candidates" "what fictional character best represents your personality" and "please write on the blackboard the code you would use to get user input from the webpage, use this input to return X column from Y table for Z data, do 3 other SQL things, and then put it into a string and reverse it".

[–]friggle 13 points14 points ago

put your string down flip it and reverse it

[–]absentbird 3 points4 points ago

Just leave the board blank and say you wrote it in whitespace.

[–]samsterlicious 10 points11 points ago

well my #1 weakness would have to be little boys. i can't help myself sometimes, you know?

[–]ReggaeRecipe 8 points9 points ago

I always say I'm too opinionated, which can either be good or bad they way you phrase your response. And I really am opinionated, AND JESUS WAS BLACK AND RONALD REAGAN WAS THE DEVIL!

[–]Rappaccini 13 points14 points ago

My biggest weakness? I'm bad at imagining hypothetical character traits.

[–]young-earth-atheist 6 points7 points ago

Biggest weakness is not pretending these questions are any way relevant to the job I'm applying for.

[–]TheGoomba 16 points17 points ago

I've been in a LOT of software engineer interviews lately, and it's starting to feel like this.

"What was a time when you were faced with--"

"Excellent question. X, Y, Z. Next?"

I don't actually cut them off and answer like a douche of course. I either answer normally, or pretend to think for 5-10 seconds as I work out how to word the almost-prepared answer to be best suited to this particular job. If I had some damned hands-on experience outside school I'd be employed ezpz.

[–]Rage_Kage51 14 points15 points ago

I am sorry if this is already old information to you, but I recommend forking some project off of github. I was roughly in the same position as you. I am a recent grad with a great academic record, but I have had only one internship during college. I have ended up diverting and talking more about real world projects on github than my internship experience to interviewers.

I was expecting to wait a couple of months to end up with an offer, but ended up with two job offers within my first week of applying and they both told me that experience with an RCS and taking the initiative and having the interest to code on my own time helped convince them that I was the right candidate.

[–]TheGoomba 10 points11 points ago

I've been developing a Roguelike game in my freetime, but I'm starting to run out of options and things to code into the game that are within or within learning difficulty of my current skill level - taking something off GitHub to work on should probably be my next step. Thank you! :D

[–]eyecite 8 points9 points ago

Are you likeable? Answering like a questionnaire is no-good. In a large percentage of jobs, you need to work in a team, a close area with others, on a pipeline, with new 3rd party people etc. Being adaptive and more precisely amicable is one of the top things interviewers (don't think companies) hire on. Don't lose being a genuine person because you're prepared.

[–]TheGoomba 4 points5 points ago

I'm definitely far, far more personable than my short little Reddit answer can show. I definitely apply my answer to the goals of the company as well as how the position works. I make sure to be very personable, give good handshakes, make solid eye contact. Basically be a cool human and not a robot, while still being professional and concise.

I've also studied quite a bit of body language, which tends to give a small edge in the conversing portion of interviews. My experience is absolutely what has held me back so far (couple places flat out said this), but I'm making improvements in large strides via reading books and applying myself to my own projects.

[–]GluttonySloth 3 points4 points ago

You have a fantastic attitude i wish i could have some of your traits and i wish you the best of luck

[–]TheGoomba 2 points3 points ago

Thank you very much! :D

[–]sutherbb36 14 points15 points ago

I do this same thing. Except I don't do it on purpose. They just....don't hire me. Great fun!

[–]bayxsonic 32 points33 points ago

You need to do an AMA.

In the meanwhile I want to ask you… were you ever offered the job on the spot? How did you react? "Yeah, uhm, I'm also drink a bottle of vodka a day, if that's not a problem"?

[–]stefanie9888 11 points12 points ago

He'd probably just ask for some time to think on it and consider his options... then go home and make up some excuse.

[–]Smight 6 points7 points ago

make it a bottle every day at [whatever time it currently is]. Then drink the bottle you had in your breifcase and, depending on your constitution, pass out or tell them you'll do it for half the hours and twice the pay.

[–]DemLuckyCharms 9 points10 points ago

I do this all the time! Except I actually want the job. And I never get offered it. So...pretty much the same thing, right?

[–]breakingthelegs 21 points22 points ago

Oh my goodness I thought I was the only one who does this. I usually end the interview by politely refusing their offers, breaking their legs, then I go home and sleep like a baby.

[–]ginja_ninja 6 points7 points ago

I wish you actually were a leg-breaking novelty account.

[–]LaSteff 5 points6 points ago

That's such a fantastic way of looking at it. :)

[–]dietotaku 15 points16 points ago

this just makes me angry that i can't even get an interview when i AM actually looking for a job.

[–]eat-your-corn-syrup 6 points7 points ago

You will be able to get an interview.... once you get a job. Again just like dating. Vicious cycle.

[–]Likely_not_Eric 9 points10 points ago

How often do you get the job offer? I find that the less I care about getting the job the better I perform in the interview.

[–]ThatGuyinaHat 4 points5 points ago

I do this. Quite regularly actually. Most go well and I feel great, but once in a while there's an interviewer that rubs me wrong (or I rub him wrong and i'm feeling it), and it bums me for days. It's a bit narssacistic too. I feel bad when i'm offered the job and I turn them down. I've never actually told anyone this. Is that bad?

[–]InTheWrongThread1 3 points4 points ago

*narcissistic

[–]tonterias 1 point2 points ago

I have only went to two job interviews in my life, I sabotaged both. I am 28 and I have two profitable jobs.

[–]CuppyMcCake 19 points20 points ago

My husband went to a job interview recently (mostly just to fuck with the people he worked with) and turned down the job offer twice. They finally told him to name his price. Needless to say he did take the job lol!

[–]Smight 6 points7 points ago

Should have named a higher price.

[–]gazump_dodger 3 points4 points ago

I agree. If they hired him after he named his price, he wasn't playing the "name your price" game right.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]InTheWrongThread1 8 points9 points ago

It was a good story. Do you have a better one? Tell us a story vidyagames. Pleeeease? Yeah tell us a story! Story! Story! Story!

[–]SevenShadesofPoo 0 points1 point ago

So many replies..

[–]catpirates 5 points6 points ago

as someone who can't even get interviews, fuck you.

[–]cpreg 7 points8 points ago

I can't believe someone actually does that! I actually developed that theory based on the number of people that I have hired in the past couple of months that seemed perfect and excited and then never showed up for their first day. Granted, it's only been 2 or 3, but it seemed really odd.

And fwiw its rather frustrating for the person doing the hiring when they think they found someone and then they have to start over. You're wasting other people's time.

[–]obscureabyss867 49 points50 points ago

Oh, please. Trying to find a job is this terrible game that we're forced to play where employers don't call you or leave you hanging for weeks at a time. Obviously hiring someone and them not showing up is one thing, but being mildly inconvenienced because someone came to an interview with no intention to take the job is nothing compared to the shit job seekers go through because hiring managers made it that way.

[–]DrakenKor 4 points5 points ago

Plus the shitty game played to get the job itself. I mean, cut the bullshit out and ask straight questions instead of having this pantomime where both parties know that the other is bullshitting.

Within five minutes of meeting someone, I know if they're a 'saint'(rarely or never lie, never steal, high integrity). I might get some false negatives, but never a false positive. Yet everyone goes around crapping out the 'I'm honest, have a high sense of integrity' bullshit that no one would believe.

[–]FuckOffMightBe2Kind 13 points14 points ago

And on the flip side I got an email today letting me know that I didn't get a position that I really wanted. The thing is I applied for it in APRIL.

[–]Captainpatch 5 points6 points ago

You must have made a great impression to actually get a reply.

[–]FuckOffMightBe2Kind 4 points5 points ago

Automated response..

[–]Forbizzle 5 points6 points ago

Please don't do this. As someone who interviews people regularly, you're wasting my time and I can tell almost immediately. Some people may think your lack of interest is appealing, but those people are idiots.

[–]absentbird 6 points7 points ago

How effective are interviews at estimating value? Wouldn't you just interview people until you found one you like?

[–]deadbunny 9 points10 points ago

If you're doing it to sharpen your skills you're hardly going to be showing a lack of interest. Also hearing that we are wasting your time is kind of fun due to the sheer amount of time anyone really hunting for a job wastes chasing recruiters and companies when they are too inconsiderate to send a simple "Thanks but no thanks" letter/email.

[–]Soo_Creative 87 points88 points ago

How I feel talking about myself on a date

[–]TERRYbyte 42 points43 points ago

How I feel talking to myself on a date with myself.

[–]Decatf 21 points22 points ago

[–]Daddyoandrawdog 277 points278 points ago

Years later, doctors will tell me that I am mentally retarded.

[–]PhiladelphiaIrish 143 points144 points ago

Brick Tamland is married with 11 children and is one of the top political advisors to the Bush White House.

[–]drawingdead0 91 points92 points ago

Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?

I don't know

[–]cisasteelersfan 52 points53 points ago

I love... Lamp

[–]BDaught 35 points36 points ago

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!

[–]brassrat 35 points36 points ago

LOUD NOISES!

[–]goals95 28 points29 points ago

[–]googie_g15 13 points14 points ago

Brick, are you telling me that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?

[–]wfrankwalshiv 5 points6 points ago

I killed a guy with a trident.

[–]badgarok725 18 points19 points ago

Do you really love the lamp or are you just looking at things and saying you love them?

[–]cavalier511 2 points3 points ago

Where'd you get it, the toilet store?

[–]i_went_full_retard 14 points15 points ago

◖|◔◡◉|◗

[–]mattkoral 18 points19 points ago

Thats not the quote! Its "Years later, a doctor will tell me I have an IQ of 48, which some of you call mentally retarded"

[–]igotwaaaybaked 49 points50 points ago

You still got the quote wrong..

Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call "mentally retarded".

[–]TheSheep91 4 points5 points ago

Thank you! Why is reddit so horrible at getting quotes right? You're already on the internet! Just look it up!

[–]hooizyoo 65 points66 points ago

Why do I want to work here? It's definitely not because I need money for weed.

[–]jooes 69 points70 points ago

In case you've never noticed (I didn't until somebody told me), during this exact scene, Brick is spooning mayonnaise into that toaster.

[–]TheSupaCritz 15 points16 points ago

He eats a spoonful in one of the deleted scenes.

[–]Turqual_114 22 points23 points ago

not only does he eat it. he also says MAYONNAISE with it falling out of his mouth. why this was cut i will never know...

[–]Smight 12 points13 points ago

There is a limited amount of vomit that theater seats can absorb.

[–]suburban_smartass 18 points19 points ago

I always choke and start off talking like it's my wikipedia page.

"Uhhhh, I am the youngest of two children, born in 1988 and raised in northern Pennsylvania. My first job came in 2006 at the age of 18. I like amateur pornography and I am a Leo."

[–]jetAnegative 16 points17 points ago

I like interviewing for a position with the company I already work for. " so tell me a little bit about yourself" really? I've worked here for a year. You know I'm a hard worker. Did I get the spot or not? Save it fancy pants.

I hate interviews.

[–]theavatare 12 points13 points ago

I rejoined my old team after 8 months of watching tv and they made me do the full loop. Two of the people interviewing had been interviewed by me previously. I was in the room like well this is akward...

[–]jetAnegative 4 points5 points ago

at my old job I work there for 4 years. It was in retail so new openings were a happening all the time. Every. Single. Time. I had to interview with two managers that were there when I started. I feel your pain. Such a pointless waste of time. Even when I've had people recommend me for a promotion it still doesn't help. So fucking annoying.

[–]mrgreen4242 2 points3 points ago

Often times you are required by HR to ask everyone the same questions for sake of fairness.

[–]Niciiman 29 points30 points ago

Did I mention I'm a hard worker?

[–]_Allusion 34 points35 points ago

[–]JerichoBlack 17 points18 points ago

I swear, this man is my boss's boss's boss.

[–]Atersed 9 points10 points ago

CEO?

[–]illegal_deagle 8 points9 points ago

Nah he only described up to Assistant VP of Regional Operations.

[–]TheCuntDestroyer 6 points7 points ago

Assistant to the VP of Regional Operations.

[–]JerichoBlack 1 point2 points ago

Close, my boss's boss's boss is the Regional VP.

[–]1637 26 points27 points ago

"Well at my last job i was over 30min late every day and nobody cared. And at my current job i didn't even know i started at 830 and not 9 for 2 month..."

[–]unixguitarguy 4 points5 points ago

When you work seven days a week it all stars to blur and you stop caring what time you come in... ugh I guess I don't know if that's good or bad even anymore. Good thing I enjoy coding.

[–]veritechcyclone 1 point2 points ago

Occasionally a coworker who works strictly 8 to 5 will stop by when I've taken the occasional too-long break and imply I'm slacking off. I'm nice about it and don't make a fuss. But what I want to say is, "I spent my entire fucking weekend on this project and can spend 10 minutes watching movie trailers if I god damn well please!"

She's actually a really nice girl.

[–]1637 0 points1 point ago

hey im a coder also but i only work m-f atm

[–]AdaroTeiji 46 points47 points ago

I was just told something today by one of the people who hired me, after having worked in my job for about 6 months.

Apparently when I went into my interview, I won them over with my honesty. According to them, the fact that I so openly and matter-of-factly told them that I wasn't very good with being on time, among other flaws, kind of won them over. They told me I reminded them of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, not only because of my (apparently unusual) honesty, but also in the way I sat and shook my leg, and just overall interacted with them.

This made me stick in their minds and they invited me for a second interview, and I later got the job. Now they don't see much of a similarity but at first they thought it was hilarious.

In other news, I've been on time for two weeks in a row as of today! New record.

[–]9966 58 points59 points ago

... that and much more on tonight's "Tales of Mediocrity"!

[–]mrgreen4242 11 points12 points ago

I just interviewed 7 people for a position and a dumped the highest scoring candidate (I ask them all the same questions and score their responses - it's not how I pick the successful candidate, it just helps me sort out the ones I liked and hone in on their strengths and weakness) because he wasn't honest. He didn't lie, but was evasive about a question and it threw up a flag.

On the other hand, a different person flat out told me he was fired a few weeks ago, and explained the situation and I would hired them had there not been a slightly better candidate.

So, ya, honesty is a big deal - people can usually tell when you are covering something up and, especially for entry level positions, having someone you feel like you will be able to trust is huge.

[–]AndrewRyan_BS 17 points18 points ago

It's a bit silly since candidates are seriously expected to lie at their interview positions and telling someone you were fired usually means you won't get hired.

Once more employers accept honest people, people will go back to being more honest. If you punish people for being honest, this is what you get.

[–]shabufa 4 points5 points ago

especially for entry level positions

shouldn't people at higher levels be scrutinized for honesty, especially with the amount of money you'll be paying them to be honest?

if my honesty determines my pay, i wouldn't even tell a white lie

[–]mrgreen4242 5 points6 points ago

I meant that at an entry level most candidates will be capable of actually doing the job so the things that make you stand out are impressions like being honest.

[–]monkat 14 points15 points ago

I wasn't very good with being on time

ಠ_ಠ

How can you be bad at that? I have been late to work one time. Well, if you can call it late. I was scheduled to work that day, called my manager several hours before my shift, and told him I couldn't come in because I was at a doctor's office getting painkillers for kidney stones.

I would appreciate the honesty, but I would never hire someone who says that they won't come to work on time. I mean, that's like the most basic task that you have to complete at work--get there when scheduled!

[–]fnordit 8 points9 points ago

Depends on the work environment. Sometimes it doesn't matter when you come in as long as you get your 8 hours in and don't miss meetings. Sometimes it doesn't even matter if you work the full 8 hours as long as you get everything done that you need to. Honestly I don't think I could stand working somewhere where the time I enter the office is more important than what I do once I get there.

Now, a service position I can see how time is critical, but a position where your value is in the product of your work rather than the presence of your body is much more desireable.

[–]KallistiEngel 7 points8 points ago

I'm terrible with time. I almost always end up being 3-5 minutes late to everything.

The problem is that a part of me always tells me that things are going to take less thing than they actually do. "Oh, I've got 15 minutes to get to work, that means I can just screw around for 5 more minutes". Oh wait, it actually takes 15 minutes for me to get there? Oops! No choice but to be late now.

I've been pretty good about it for the last year, but it's easy for me to be late. Even if I'm not late, I'm arriving exactly when I need to punch in. I'm always cutting it close.

[–]hooizyoo 5 points6 points ago

So leave five minutes early. It's not really a good excuse to say you're five minutes late for work because you thought you could "just screw around for five more minutes". Say it out loud a couple of times and realize how stupid it sounds to your boss.

[–]KallistiEngel 2 points3 points ago

I know exactly how stupid it sounds. And yet I end up doing it anyway. And if it's not messing around or eating or whatever, it's failing to account for traffic.

I never said it was a good excuse. It's a poor habit and one that's hard to break.

[–]Centigonal 0 points1 point ago

I find that it's difficult for me to switch from one mental context to another. The result of that is that I'll get to work anywhere between 20-30 minutes after I planned, but also leave 45-60 minutes later than after my hours are up, just because I'm so engrossed in what I was doing.

I assume you're really good at keeping track of time -- not everyone's like that, though, whether for good or for bad.

[–]deadbunny 2 points3 points ago

Sorry but the most basic task at work is doing work and doing it well. Unless you have a job that requires strict adherence to time frames such as shift changes or a requirement for you to be there for something to happen then tardiness is completely irrelevant except to those why are somehow fixated on it.

I am late constantly but I work hard and I work well, I still get more work than the rest of my department done even if I'm an hour late, as it's not important to the running of the business if I am on time it simply doesn't matter.

People have very different priorities in life and keeping time is waaaay down on the list for me, I don't clock watch and I never worry if something is going to be done on time because it gets done as soon as it's possible, I don't procrastinate when things need to be done and I know how to prioritize my workload while I watch all my colleagues who are always on time struggling with their workload because they chat amongst themselves and sit on facebook or whatever constantly.

But of course I'm the slacker here because I roll in 30mins late routinely.

[–]Smoore0 4 points5 points ago

So it's pretty easy to keep a job at mcdonalds is what you're telling us

[–]syscofresh 5 points6 points ago

That's genius. Now they can't even get mad at you for being late.

[–][deleted] ago

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[–]tripleblack 6 points7 points ago

Why are man-hole covers round?

So Batman can hurl them at bad guys since square ones are very hard to throw.

Three shapes, Circle, Square, Triangle, Which does not belong?

Triangle, because who ever heard of Triangle dancing?

Very important question: How good are you at making airplane?

My greatest weakness is making paper air planes.

Why do you want to work for this company?

I heard you guys give out money at the end of the week.

Do you have any questions?

Nope, just blank stares

Where do you see yourself in five year?

Hopefully in your job, if I get hired of course.

If you could choose one superhero power, what would it be and why?

Mind control, so I can convince you to hire me

Tell me 10 ways to use a pencil other than writing.

Pull down your pants, and I'll show you

[–]SinisterRectus 7 points8 points ago

David: So, let me ask you a question right off the bat. What do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?

Michael: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job.

David: Okay. And your strengths?

Michael: Well, my weaknesses are actually... strengths.

David: Oh. Yes. Very good.

Michael: Thank you.

[–]awkwardninjapowers 34 points35 points ago

This post is relevant to me. Someone please give people like me some tips on the interview process. I will offer a sincere upvote in return.

[–]TheRollingBones 23 points24 points ago

Be confident, act like they should already like you (not in a cocky way, of course)

Smile, have a firm handshake, and good eye contact.

Know what you're talking about, people can usually tell if you're BSing

Go over some sample questions ("tell me about yourself", "what's your greatest strength/weakness", "why do you want this job" etc.) ahead of time

Knowing some history/facts about the business you're applying to never hurts. Things like when and where they started, how many locations they have, what your position and duties would be if hired, and so on

[–]fnordit 2 points3 points ago

If you don't know what you're talking about, don't pretend - tell them that, and then tell them why you think you can learn what you need to anyway. Even better, if you aren't familiar with a particular aspect of the work and you know in advance, read up on it, and be able to tell them exactly what you're already doing to improve your knowledge base.

[–]dont_blink_angels 24 points25 points ago

I'm a corporate trainer and just finished (about 5 hours ago) teaching a class on how to conduct an interview so I can offer a little advice on interviews.

The biggest, and most frustrating, piece of advice I have is to tell you that everyone wants something different out of interviews and the interview questions. This is why it is good to get to know a company before going into your interview. Depending on the kind of place you're going to you can arrive a little early for your interview and talk with the receptionist/employees about their experience working here. Most of the time they will be honest with you and you can get a feel for the manager/culture of the place you're interviewing at. That said here are some notes from my class earlier:

  • The best interviews are conversations. If the person interviewing you has any skills whatsoever they will be able to handle the interview like they were just chatting with you rather than an inquisition. This can also fall back on you. If you simply answer the question and then get very quiet the interview can turn into just a call and response scenario.
  • Avoid buzz words. Nothing is more upsetting to me when I'm interviewing someone and they say "I'm a hard worker, dedicated employee, and great with people." All that sounds nice but it doesn't mean anything to me. Try instead to say "I've always been a hard worker. I've dedicated myself to the same job for the past 3 years. I've worked hard at expanding my knowledge by doing X, Y, and Z. My boss would frequently comment on how my work was always above standards." Give examples when you describe yourself.
  • "What is your greatest weakness"- The dreaded question. I always hate answering this question in interviews and love asking it when I am interviewing someone else. The problem with this question is that you do not know what they are looking for with it. I can't really tell you what everyone is looking for in an answer because that changes from person to person. When doing an interview though, I look for honesty without the flaws that are going to negatively affect my team. I do not need people on my team that are going to be late, have trouble with details, etc. My best advice is to pick some skill you wish you did better and talk about that. My answer to this question is usually along the lines of "my greatest weakness as a trainer is my limited experience with e-learning. It is a new learning technique that I am interested in learning more about and possibly in the future developing a few online courses for my employees." Then I would ask if this company was using distance learning technology and if they had any plans to move in this direction.
  • No matter what, do not trash talk you old job/old boss. It does nothing but make you look petty.
  • When asked if you have any questions, always have a few questions ready. They can be about the company, job, culture, management style, etc. When you say you don't have any questions, it can make it sound like you're not that interested. I personally am usually not upset when people don't have questions, but I have sat through numerous seminars with people you are likely to interview with who care very much about this question. My favorite question to ask and be asked is "do you have any reservations about my candidacy for this position" or something similar. It gives the interviewer the chance to clarify a point that might have given them hesitation or let you know their thoughts on your ability to fit into the job.
  • Be as honest as possible. You don't want to throw yourself under the bus with honesty, but you also do not want to mislead your potential new boss. I usually get lied to when I ask what motivates someone to perform well at their job. They usually tell me what they think I want to hear (aka work is it's own reward, helping people makes me feel great, etc). One of my best employees told me straight up she is motivated by money and the chance to earn more of it. And that is exactly how I motivate her. Now if she told me she is motivated by building relationships with clients then I would probably find a way to reward her for positive feedback from clients.
  • Make yourself memorable. This is especially true if you're applying for a job that a lot of people can do. One of the things I put on my resume is that I used to teach ballroom dancing. Every single interview I had since putting that on my resume wanted to talk about that experience and how much they enjoy watching/doing ballroom dancing. It makes me memorable and more likely to get called up for a 2nd interview. In fact, my interview for the company I for now was almost a 40 minute discussion about ballroom and 20 minutes of answering questions. They hired me 2 days later.
  • Make a great first impression. I recently read a statistic that most interviewers decide within 14 seconds of meeting you whether or not you're a serious candidate. Dress nicely, get a hair cut, smile, give a firm handshake and appear as relaxed as possible. You're selling confidence. Even if you're not confident, pretend to be. Try to be personable and if you can make you interviewer laugh. They're sometimes as nervous as you are!

Now as I said, these are not universal rules. Try to understand the company you're interviewing with is the best way to know how to prepare for an interview. You can also do some research on best "how to conduct an interview" books and read those because that is what your interviewer is likely reading.

Hope this helped some and best of luck!

[–]x-cubed 8 points9 points ago

As someone who regularly interviews people, these are my tips:

1. Give me details. If I ask if you've done something, don't reply with "Yes", tell me what it involved and how you found it.

2. Be honest. If I ask if you're familiar with a particular system or method, and you say that you are, the next part of the interview is going to involve me asking you more about it. If you've said "Yes" to something you're not that experienced with, you've just dug yourself a deep hole.

3. Stay relevant. I'm not that bothered by what you do on the weekends, unless that is relevant to the position you're applying for. If you're applying for a leadership position, and you've been a Scout leader for a couple of years, then that is definitely relevant to the position. If you just like going to the movies each weekend, that's not so relevant to the leadership position. It obviously would be relevant if you were applying to be a movie reviewer though. Likewise, avoid getting interviews for positions that you have zero relevant skills for, as you're just wasting both our time.

4. Tell me about how you work. More important to me than any particular experience you have is how you work. Do you work by yourself? Do you work in a team? Do you take on responsibilities outside of your core role? This lets me get an idea of how and where you'd fit in to my team.

5. Show me how you keep your skills relevant. It's all very well having done two-hundred different projects, but I'm interested to see how you keep your skills up-to-date. All jobs involve learning new things, if you can demonstrate an interest in helping yourself to stay on top of new technologies and skills, you're likely to be someone who can tackle the harder and more interesting projects.

A job interview is your time to show what you're good at, and that's your responsibility, not the interviewer's. If you're highly skilled, but don't make a good impression, the skills will count for little.

JMTC

[–]WolfTweak 6 points7 points ago

  • Smile

  • eye contact,

  • feel confident in yourself,

  • Try to refrain from using "uhmm, ahh, oh"

  • Make yourself seem desirable for the job, IE Customer service job, "I'm excellent with people"

  • Clean shaven face, clean body, clean clothes

  • Dress formally, IE slacks, PLAIN button down collared shirt, not some who-dinger flame shirt

  • Resumes aren't nessicarlly needed, but it is a huge bonus if you have certs and a lot of volunteer services

  • ALWAYS ALWAYS, when they ask "Do you have any questions" impress them, one that works 90% of the time (granted you don't fuck up when you first meet them) is "What was your first impression of me?"

  • Never ask about vacation time during the interview, unless it's brought up

Well other than that, it just boils down to how you present yourself to your future employer,

Oh, and show up at least 10-15 mins early for the interview

[–]awkwardninjapowers 6 points7 points ago

Oh wow, I'm interested but intimidated by the "What was your first impression of me?" question. Can you explain why this would be a good question to ask? I'm not sure if I can come off as confident as I actually am on this one.

[–]FetusPooper 6 points7 points ago

Well I enjoy interviews. Here are a few lines I like to throw in at appropriate times:

"success isn't just being able to do something well, success to me personally is being able to do something well and mapping out what made you do it well and pinpointing those areas so you can continue to work on them and develop them to enhance future projects where you can utilize them"

"To become the best you must be driven. Driven to out perform the competition, driven to surpass your previous efforts and driven to find new ways to do it"

Also, when they ask for your biggest weakness, feel free to respond with this:

my biggest weakness is that I have trouble transitioning from one project to another in the middle of things, I am very serious about finishing what I started and I don't stop until the job is done. However, lately I have been working on that and forcing multitasking into my daily life a bit, hopefully the results will show once we have multiple plates spinning"

You can even add to that biggest weakness one by saying ""with your guidance and mentoring as a supervisory, hopefully I will move past this one weakness"

Good luck and happy cakeday!

[–]ANAL_RAPE_IN_CHURCH 35 points36 points ago

"with your guidance and mentoring as a supervisory, hopefully I will move past this one weakness"

It must take some serious lubricant to pull your head out of their butt after that.

[–]ANAL_EMANCIPATOR 8 points9 points ago

Karma to you, ANAL_BROTHER

[–]FetusPooper 4 points5 points ago

Once you're waist deep, you might as well keep going.

[–]professional_here 2 points3 points ago

I would hire him as my head butt licker.

[–]NdamukongSuh 2 points3 points ago

I think the whole turning a weakness into a strength strategy comes across as evasive. I'm sure interviewers hear that bullshit all day.

I try to be honest for those and explain how I deal with my weaknesses. I'll say something like "I often have trouble keeping track of what I need to get done, so I try to have a small notepad and pen with me at all times so I can write things down." It may not be the perfect way of answering those questions, but it's definitely better than answering the question like an asshole.

[–]I_Argue_With_People 0 points1 point ago

While these are indeed solid lines, I think it would be best for OP to come up with his own answers.

success to me personally

It just seems like these are mostly specific to you, and could be different for OP, who might be great at multitasking. Also, some of these longer ones would definitely sound rehearsed. I think the general advice involving confidence, cleanliness, timeliness, and a level of preparedness really should be sufficient.

[–]WhosHandIsThis 14 points15 points ago

If you plan on getting the job, I wouldn't add the part about having an IQ of 48.

[–]Gehalgod[S] 12 points13 points ago

Yeah, either they would think I'm stupid, which would be bad for the job interview... or they would realize I am quoting Anchorman, which would also be bad for the job interview.

[–]noetherian_ring 9 points10 points ago

which would also be bad for the job interview.

Sounds like you're interviewing at the wrong places.

[–]Anaract 6 points7 points ago

I hate job interviews. I really, really don't like bragging, in any way. I'd much rather passively impress people than tell them what's so great about me. And it's even worse when they ask, "what are your biggest weaknesses?" and "What's a mistake you've made recently, and how did you fix it?".

[–]Flat_out_no_lube 5 points6 points ago

I hate "Why do you want to work for this company".

Look, you give me money and I do stuff for you!

[–]InTheWrongThread1 6 points7 points ago

There's an interview question that I really don't like: "Tell us about an instance where you had a conflict with someone, and how did you resolve it?"

I am very polite, laid back, and really easy to get along with. I've never even been in a fight, and I'm 32. So I never know how to answer this, I mean, I've never had a problem with anyone I work with. But if you don't have a good answer, they think you're lying. "Ummm, I really don't ever have problems with anyone, especially at work. So I don't know." "Really, no one?" "Nope." "Can you think of just one example?" "No! I fucking can't! I'm nice to people! I have no reason for anyone to be mad at me! For fucks sake, am I not getting the job because I'm too easy to get along with?! I'm a people person! I have people skills, goddammit!"

[–]LaJollaJim 3 points4 points ago

Pro-tip:

At the end of an interview the interviewer should ask you: "do you have any questions for me?"

1) never ask about salary or benefits. 2) ask them a question about themselves, people in a "power" position love to talk about themselves. ie: "how long have you worked for the company and what do you enjoy most about your job", or "how did you become to be in your position". This will be at the end of the interview, when you walk out they will feel happy because they stroked their own ego and when they think about you it will be a pleasant memory.

[–]d_pyro 4 points5 points ago

What if your being interviewed by three people? Every. Single. Time.

[–]LaJollaJim 2 points3 points ago

Ask them: "which one of you would win in a three way fight? Starting NOW..."

[–]DaGooglist 9 points10 points ago

That's better than what I did at my last job interview. I said "uhmm" for about 30 seconds before talking about how I've never had a job before. It was bad.

[–]TheShader 10 points11 points ago

Well, don't leave us hanging, did you get the job!?

[–]DaGooglist 10 points11 points ago

Yes.

[–]parlezmoose 2 points3 points ago

My greatest weakness? Sometimes I care too much.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

Also, I love lamp.

[–]Nook201 2 points3 points ago

[–]stosh13 2 points3 points ago

i just interviewed for a new job today. washing dishes for 11.00/hour, which beats the 8.50 i make working at an old folks home. it doesn't sound like much i know, but that extra couple bucks an hour would really help. i hope they call me back.

[–]34939242838432434832 2 points3 points ago

Other avid gamers out there. Do you guys say your hobby is gaming? I feel weird saying I love playing games when ask what my hobby is. Anyone got any idea how this goes with the interviewer?

[–]twasdreary 2 points3 points ago

Can't wait for Anchorman 2

[–][deleted] ago

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[–]aminoofar24 -1 points0 points ago

THAT ISN"T EVEN THE LINE

[–]jangoharkness 2 points3 points ago

I had a job interview recently where I would be answering a question, pause for breath, and then completely forget what the question was and what I just said.

[–]Large_banana_hammock 5 points6 points ago

The girl in the back looks like she's only wearing a bra and panties.

[–]Wyer 6 points7 points ago

Thats because she is.

[–]RalphiesBoogers 2 points3 points ago

Garter belt and stockings too.

[–]goals95 3 points4 points ago