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984
985

If only this was real.... (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by Bigj45

top 200 commentsshow all 358
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[–]somestrangewashers 123 points124 points ago

Give me the dickfax

[–]evanthesquirrel 57 points58 points ago

Use it or lose it: To maintain a healthy tone, the smooth muscle of the penis must be periodically enriched with oxygen by the rush of blood that engorges the penis and makes it erect. Thank you for signing up for dickfacts.com To unsubscribe reply "stop"

[–]GentlemanGallimaufry 32 points33 points ago

stop

[–]evanthesquirrel 50 points51 points ago

You have selected more. You will now receive dick facts daily. Here's your bonus dick fact.

Growers and showers: among men, there is no consistent relationship between the size of the flaccid penis and its full erect length. In one study of 80 men, researchers found that increases from flaccid to erect lengths ranged widely, from less than a quarter-inch to 3.5 inches longer.

[–]tomakeredditsuckless 42 points43 points ago

You should send that guy pm's of dick facts for like a year

[–]Bugsybear 12 points13 points ago

more

[–]evanthesquirrel 19 points20 points ago

Dick facts beyond your first dick fact of the day cost $1.69 Please type in your credit card information below, and thank you for signing up for dickfacts.com

[–]damik 5 points6 points ago

4329 4574 9113 6660

08/21

214

[–]evanthesquirrel 6 points7 points ago

The pleasure zone:

Many men consider the underside of the glans (head) of the penis and the underside of the shaft to be most sensitive to sexual pleasure.

Researchers asked 81 healthy men to rate the erotic sensitivity of different areas of their bodies, including not only the penis, but also zones such as the scrotum, anus, nipples, and neck.

The underside of the glans and underside of the shaft had the highest sensitivity rating for a significant majority of men, followed by the upper side of the glans, left and right sides of the glans, sides of the penis, upper side of the shaft, and foreskin (for the minority of men who were uncircumcised). The study findings were reported in the British Journal of Urology International in 2009.

Thank you for your paid subscription to dickfacts.com

[–]Bugsybear 9 points10 points ago

I've never had to pay for dick in my life, sir squirrel. Good day.

[–]toro_de_rojolove 25 points26 points ago

Tagged as "Does not pay for dicks".

[–]Superbad4321 1 point2 points ago

Josh.

[–]Bugsybear 1 point2 points ago

I kinda want a t-shirt saying that now...

[–]neufeld 11 points12 points ago

For all of you demanding dickfax instead of vagfax, I say

[–]lemon_meringue 7 points8 points ago

or how about we don't police our partners' past sexual histories as though they are used cars and previous sexual experience is equal to running into telephone poles. how about that.

[–]MapOfProblematique 4 points5 points ago

THANK YOU!!

[–]TheBlackHive 56 points57 points ago

Did you take a picture of a computer screen then crop it down in hopes that we wouldn't notice?

[–]shukufuku 28 points29 points ago

Looks more like it was cross-stitched.

[–]FatCat433 16 points17 points ago

Grandma made it for me.

[–]NumberOneTheLarch 177 points178 points ago

Dickfacts would probably be much more useful, because the places those things have been sometimes aren't even living organisms.

[–]CrushTheOrphanage 17 points18 points ago

It'd just be 50 pages of hand.

[–]neufeld 109 points110 points ago

to be fair, many things that end up inside lady parts aren't living organisms either.

[–]TheVelourFogx 3 points4 points ago

winner

[–]Alt_ 13 points14 points ago

wiener

[–]Beaver_Fever_Dream 0 points1 point ago

I approve this message. Or massage...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Isingforasspixs -2 points-1 points ago

I'll save you!

[–]Cynikal818 1 point2 points ago

meh, don't worry about it. if you know what it is, cool...if you don't...even better for your sanity.

[–]omni_presents 0 points1 point ago

those are living oraganisms

[–]crazyirish101 0 points1 point ago

fifi...what

[–]evanthesquirrel 16 points17 points ago

Cokfax would be a better name, then they can have a rooster as a mascott

[–]OperationJack 9 points10 points ago

Why not Dickfacts and have Richard Nixon as the mascot?

[–]McPornstache 21 points22 points ago

Would you trust Nixon to tell you the truth?

[–]OperationJack 2 points3 points ago

No. I just think it'd be hilarious to have an animated version of him spewing Dickfacts at people in his Futurama voice.

[–]someguy73 21 points22 points ago

I'm not a female, but I kind of side with a lot of them on the issue that the double standard of "a guy that has a lot of sex is a hero, but a woman that has a lot of sex is a whore" is pretty bullshit. Both sides enjoy sex, we really shouldn't be pegging negative stereotypes on something that damn near everyone in the world enjoys doing.

And before someone comes in the with the idiotic, "A key that opens many locks is a master key, but a lock that's opened by many keys is a horrible lock" line: That quote is only going off of the assumption that the person needs to adhere to your expectations to what they should be doing with their sex lives. Really, as long as people are having safe and responsible sex, what does it matter of how many people they've had sex with? Shit, that more than likely only means that they're better at it. Yet again, before someone comes with the "a vagina gets looser the more it gets sexed" idea is just an urban legend. It simply isn't true.

[–]trisaratopz 4 points5 points ago

I like this response to the lock and key analogy. It just shows how stupid and arbitrary the analogy is.

[–]someguy73 1 point2 points ago

Haha, that was a good one. I'll have to remember that one.

load more comments (10 replies)

    [–]facecube 267 points268 points ago

    It is. It's called couples testing.

    Or is that not sexist enough for you?

    [–][deleted] 48 points49 points ago

    Came here to argue exactly this. Thank you for bringing up how BOTH partners should be responsible and healthy when it comes to sex

    [–]NoSandwichOnlyZuul 88 points89 points ago

    Last time I saw this I mentioned that responsible women will tell you anyway and got downvoted to death. Why is there not a joke for showing me the dickfacts? I could've used that one a few years ago!

    [–]floatablepie 83 points84 points ago

    Make one about cockfax, use a rooster, post it as [fixed] and get more karma than the original.

    [–]sccrstud92 12 points13 points ago

    Responding to this so I can link to this comment when that shit happens.

    [–]sefy98 8 points9 points ago

    you could upvote it and then just look in your liked folder, or favorite the user. Commenting is a weird way of saving posts.

    [–]sccrstud92 5 points6 points ago

    It seems you missed half the point of my comment.

    [–]FatGuyANALLIttlecoat 4 points5 points ago

    bump for potential

    [–]garrisb7514 1 point2 points ago

    you don't get delicious comment karma for upvoting it or favoriting, though.

    [–]comanon 2 points3 points ago

    Why not both?

    [–]ohrabbits 41 points42 points ago

    You don't need to tell you partner about your every sexual encounter. It's none of their business. What is their business, is to know your health status.

    [–]Taurox 4 points5 points ago

    Make one yourself and post it.

    [–]facecube 7 points8 points ago

    Because reddit.

    [–]missgonzo 4 points5 points ago

    Then get downvoted for pointing it out, because reddit.

    [–]facecube 2 points3 points ago

    It happens.

    [–]NoSandwichOnlyZuul 4 points5 points ago

    Just as I suspected...

    [–]IntoTheRack -1 points0 points ago

    Oh I could've used that too! And some sort of Fax that says if there is another driver besides myself

    [–]Flebas 13 points14 points ago

    You. I like you.

    [–]iwasapolygon 6 points7 points ago

    But then there'd be Peenfax.

    [–]alesha_8 2 points3 points ago

    And all the boys would be in trouble...

    [–]bearpotato 50 points51 points ago

    The slutshaming is strong with this one.

    [–]danmod1 36 points37 points ago

    The amount of sexists in This thread

    Is too damn high

    [–]Mace22 9 points10 points ago

    This goes for both genders...But would you really want to know? If you care about someone, the past shouldn't matter. No good can come from knowing the answer.

    [–]SerendipitouslySane 1 point2 points ago

    ...STDs?

    [–]Jaxxey 0 points1 point ago

    Get tested! Previous number of partners suddenly becomes irrelevant when your girl comes up clean!

    *I say without a trace of irony.

    [–]FNG9232 0 points1 point ago

    No good can come from knowing the answer.

    What about avoiding STDs?

    [–]Jaxxey 1 point2 points ago

    GET TESTED! Bam.

    [–]mightymdc 58 points59 points ago

    Yeah......this isn't funny.

    [–]guineasomelove 2 points3 points ago

    It works both ways.

    [–]joebillybob 2 points3 points ago

    I'd just like to take a moment and say...

    kerning...

    [–]Catch22af 15 points16 points ago

    Show me the Cockfax

    [–]JTHipster 6 points7 points ago

    This isn't remotely funny.

    [–]Oldmanshoutingatsky 21 points22 points ago

    Oh look, a virgin.

    [–]moscova89 4 points5 points ago

    Oh look, irony.

    [–]adelz7 13 points14 points ago

    Well, the cheaper the sale-price of sex, the more risk.

    I mean, if you met a girl just an hour ago and she "put-out" for you, i mean... you're complicit.

    It's quite mean to women , this post. I don't like it. I'm a man and honestly... it's a lame one.

    [–]liberalis 5 points6 points ago

    Ask me for the Vaginafax, I'll get you the PenisAxe.

    [–]plateofeggs 21 points22 points ago

    My god, everyone is so angry

    [–]MapOfProblematique 51 points52 points ago

    Oh wow! I LOVE slut shaming posts supporting the double standard between men being "studs" and women being "sluts". Sexism is so HILARIOUS.

    Seriously, go fuck yourself.

    [–]Jaxxey 16 points17 points ago

    THANK YOU <3

    Dudes will neglect to protect themselves from STDs by practicing safe, condom-covered sex because it "feels better" raw-dog... and on top of that, have many multiple partners themselves...and then turn around and call females the unclean ones for having multiple partners. EVERYONE should practice safe sex, and EVERYONE should get tested. Fuck all of the sexist shit going on in this thread.

    [–]Jordanthoughts 0 points1 point ago

    Since when is not liking condoms an exclusively male thing?

    Also you put "feels better" in quotes...

    [–]MrBody42 4 points5 points ago

    If it was COCKFAX, would you treat the post any differently?

    [–]MapOfProblematique 36 points37 points ago

    Probably. Men's sexual purity hasn't been treated as a commodity to be bought and sold for thousands of years, and people don't generally equate a man's self worth with having as FEW sexual partners as possible.

    COCKFAX is still equally unfunny though.

    [–][deleted] ago

    [deleted]

    [–]MapOfProblematique 10 points11 points ago

    Why didn't you?

    [–]TimesWasting -3 points-2 points ago

    Because people like that usually only defend women

    load more comments (13 replies)

      [–]Bigj45[S] 1 point2 points ago

      It was just a joke. This is r/funny after all. If there was a dickfax one it would be equally funny.

      [–]carouselunicorn 0 points1 point ago

      I just wanted to tell you I love you and would like to give you a hug.

      [–]MapOfProblematique 5 points6 points ago

      Yay hugs!!

      [–]Jordanthoughts 1 point2 points ago

      For fairness' sake, I offer that the joke appears to be saying, "men stereotypically want women to have had fewer sexual parters" more than it is actually saying, "women should have fewer sexual parters".

      It's kind of still not funny though.

      [–]Jaxxey 1 point2 points ago

      You're giving this garbage way too much benefit of the doubt.

      load more comments (41 replies)

        [–]hurdur1 14 points15 points ago

        Sometimes ignorance is bliss. You might not want to know everything.

        [–]Teknodruid 24 points25 points ago

        ...until the rash starts.

        [–]THEDumbasscus 10 points11 points ago

        or your jizz turns bloody...

        [–]Batman_for_President 7 points8 points ago

        Woah, not cool man, not cool.

        [–]Timett_son_of_Timett 7 points8 points ago

        very hot, indeed.

        [–]bstampl1 -2 points-1 points ago

        It's like a strawberry sundae. Or when I dip a fish stick in ketchup and tartar sauce

        [–]Whos_that_guy 0 points1 point ago

        Then the itch won't stop..

        [–]Somnolentjack 20 points21 points ago

        Because only women spread STDs. Misogynist.

        edit: I'm a man, contrary to what you sexists out there would like to believe. Cheers!

        [–]thesweetie 3 points4 points ago

        It actually is real, I want to say in Germany but don't quote me on that! Prostitution is legal and the prostitutes have to be tested weekly. Whenever they have a proposal, they have to show a ledger that states when they have been tested and if tests have come back positive.

        [–]ellexmera -1 points0 points ago

        Show me the DickFacts! FTFY

        [–]SinceBecausePickles 0 points1 point ago

        This is classic. I went out and bought like 7 bags of popcorn just for this. I love you guys<3 keep going!!

        [–]DivyDee -1 points0 points ago

        High school girls would ruin lives with this.

        [–]AstroFace 0 points1 point ago

        Exactly like Carfax then. What a scam.

        [–]StickYHands_ -1 points0 points ago

        Words.

        load more comments (1 reply)

          [–]AwelessPiano 0 points1 point ago

          I like that it's a beaver.

          [–]VordLader 1 point2 points ago

          I post the cockfacts on my fridge.

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

          FW: FW: FW: FW: CHECK THIS OUT STEVE.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

          I opened this thread so I could read tirades about slut-shaming, and I was not disappointed!

          [–]Slytherbot3 0 points1 point ago

          You should know that SubrеdditDrama has written about you.

          Drama in r/funny about "slut shaming" and the moral biases between male and female promiscuity

          Аs оf now, yоur link has a score of 964 (6499|5535).

          Although SRD officially bаns coordinаted voting, threads linked by them have a tendency to suddenly acquire disproportionаtely large amounts of votes, as well as dеrailing commеnts directed at those SRD decides is in the wrong.

          [–]everythingistakenlol -2 points-1 points ago

          Snatch-fax

          [–]WendyLRogers3 -2 points-1 points ago

          VAGFAX: Lindsay Lohan.

          [–]uberbob79 -3 points-2 points ago

          Think about where your mom's mouth has been.

          [–]HaricotNoir -5 points-4 points ago

          SRS is gonna be all over this.

          [–][deleted] ago

          [deleted]

          [–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

          It's called getting tested. If you want a responsible sexual relationship with someone, all you need to know is that the other person is healthy. There is a reason there are so many comments bringing up the same issue- everyone is having the same thought about the post.

          Surely the intent was not to be misogynist, I understand that. But what you have to understand is that to a lot of people this is saying, "Men need to know how many guys a woman has fucked to deem her 'fuckable'" and that really is not okay. Do you see how it can come off as misogynist?

          I don't mean to be an asshole to you, truly. I just want to communicate the other side of the argument here.

          [–][deleted] ago

          [deleted]

          [–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

          I understand it is a joke and you have every right to think it is funny. I just want you to realize why it is offensive as well. I'm not trying to play the role of "sensitive woman" here, I'm just pointing out what all those other comments mean and why it can come off as sexist.

          I'm young too, I've had my fair share of hook ups. STDs are always a danger and not something to take lightly. If you're worried about that, be safe and use condoms. There are lots of ways to have sex and have fun while being safe. Use condoms, even ask the person (yeah, I know that kills the mood). If you respect your own body and your partner's, then there are measures you can take. Without needing "VagFax." And both sexes can carry STDs, to another point on it coming off as sexist.

          [–]sRsSrSsRsSrS -5 points-4 points ago

          Your hurtful comments are the same as a hate crime.

          [–]MaxJewJew -2 points-1 points ago

          There are 37 records on this account this week!

          [–]BaqAttaq -3 points-2 points ago

          Something like Rate my Professor Meets OKCupid?

          [–]jessicahonig -1 points0 points ago

          I don't know if I would want to know my partner's history or only up to the last few years.

          [–]sociallyawkwarddildo -1 points0 points ago

          ....this post again?

          [–]BaronVonAweXome -1 points0 points ago

          Reminds me of this sketch from Amazon Women on the Moon.

          http://youtu.be/DSfnZMmOYws

          load more comments (47 replies)

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