this post was submitted on
1,906 points (53% like it)
14,187 up votes 12,281 down votes

funny

subscribe2,414,482 readers

9,474 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 140 comments

[–]Ballistaboy 122 points123 points ago

Calm down, Doctor! Now's not the time for soap. That comes later.

[–]Dyl4nTheVillain 51 points52 points ago

They expect one of us doing the washing, brother!

[–]specialk16 39 points40 points ago

Perhaps he is wondering why would you soap a car, before watering it first.

[–]MrSunshoes 19 points20 points ago

"What happens if I wash the car?" "It'll be very wet.... for you"

[–]whutaphonikiwi 291 points292 points ago

"Why don't you just...wash me?"

"Your scrubbing must be more severe!"

[–]LowSociety 180 points181 points ago

"You think dirtiness is your ally? You merely adopted the dirt."

[–]Jarhed121 163 points164 points ago

"I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn't see soap until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!"

[–]TehCyberJunkie 53 points54 points ago

"what are you?"

"i'm your dirt's reckoning"

[–]I_CAPE_RUNTS 30 points31 points ago

"Your shcrubbing musht be more shevere"

[–]jared030858 9 points10 points ago

He...erm.....hm....nope. Sean Connery's voice is all that's getting to me, even though bane does sound like that at times.

[–]thefattestman 31 points32 points ago

"jovial Sean Connery trapped in a well"

[–]jared030858 3 points4 points ago

BOOM, you got it now it works. What are you?! A sound engineer or something??

[–]thefattestman 1 point2 points ago

What's really hilarious is that even though I was just quoting some review of The Dark Knight Returns, I actually used to be a sound engineer. Funny coincidence!

[–]Shoola 4 points5 points ago

It threw me off how much he sounded like Sean Connery actually.

[–]mindaika 1 point2 points ago

What threw me the most was how much bigger he's gotten since Star Trek: Nemesis. Well, and the voice.

[–]specialk16 4 points5 points ago

What threw me off is that this guys is Eames in Inception.

I was like, wtf no way!

It's like Cotillard, Tom Hardy, JGL, Michael Cane, Hans Zimmer and Christian Bale Christopher Nolan are the super awesome team of movie making.

edit: this what happens when you reddit at work.

[–]deltasnow 0 points1 point ago

Christopher Nolan's super awesome team of movie making

FTFY

[–]specialk16 1 point2 points ago

Yup, I meant to say Nolan... not sure what happened there. Maybe a secret crush on Bale : O (no homo).

[–]Shoola 1 point2 points ago

He had to be on something to get that big that quickly. There's no way he naturally got so bulky in under a year.

[–]7point7 1 point2 points ago

I saw that even though he did get bigger, his body is cgi'd. You can find behind the scenes pics of him at Heinz field and he isn't nearly as big as in the movie. Maybe just a bit bigger than in Bronson.

[–]Shoola 1 point2 points ago

I see, well that certainly explains it.

[–]specialk16 4 points5 points ago

"This is the weapon of your sanitation!"

[–]kevcampbell 2 points3 points ago

Best comment, ever

[–]Cheech47 -1 points0 points ago

I know, I wish I had more upvotes to give.

[–]El_Spaniard 61 points62 points ago

Where's the soap? WHERE IS IT?!

[–]70ga 20 points21 points ago

needs more growling

[–]acheekyrascal 41 points42 points ago

WHURSDURSOAP?! WHURSITTT?!

[–]Scarfall 18 points19 points ago

YOU WUD'NV GIVE IT TO ANORYNARY CITHIZEN!

[–]TheBranleur 6 points7 points ago

Dove soap, can it be trusted?

[–]skysoulstice 131 points132 points ago

After you are done washing, you have my permission to dry!

[–]LittleOni 2 points3 points ago

I would delete my comment, which more or less copies yours (I was too impatient to scroll down before typing), but I'm ok with losing a few for inadvertent plagiarism.

[–]Husky_snowman 87 points88 points ago

I would never wash that beautiful artwork away!

[–]ansate 16 points17 points ago

Damn! Definitely the best actual art I've ever seen in window dust. To be fair, I think the only thing I've previously seen drawn in window dust are stick figures and penises, but still...

[–]Mechanikore 16 points17 points ago

"Do you feel in control...of your automobile?"

[–]PhiladelphiaIrish 41 points42 points ago

Bane's Roadside Repair: The Tire Rises.

[–]FireRising 11 points12 points ago

You'll just have to imagine the scrubbing!

[–]thatguy73 33 points34 points ago

And you think this gives you power windows over me?

[–]ZedTheNameless 9 points10 points ago

When the rain washes this art away, you have my permission to cry.

[–]soal1 7 points8 points ago

Auto wash reminds me of this.

[–]Holmium22 1 point2 points ago

I thought of that also. Which next made me think of this.

http://i.imgur.com/kEEHT.jpg

[–]diriculous 2 points3 points ago

I wish my wife was that dirty.

[–]dietbroccoli -3 points-2 points ago

Were*

It's a hypothetical, so it's in the subjunctive mood.

[–]LittleOni 7 points8 points ago

I was hoping to see:

"When you are done washing my car, you have my remission to dry."

But this wasn't too bad, either.

[–]Omegaman2010 3 points4 points ago

I see this plagurism is inadvertent. Have an upvote for sportsmanship.

[–]legallynamedPhuck 12 points13 points ago

Guh...Must...not...upvote...PUNS!!!!!!... dammit.

[–]DinaDinaDinaBatman 3 points4 points ago

if i found this on my car, id remove the window replace it with one from a auto parts dealer, and frame this as art because that is amazing....

[–]ABlackOrchid 2 points3 points ago

"what the next part of your plan?"

"washing this car...so I can drive it!"

Eh, I tried.

[–]mr_benson 2 points3 points ago

Can anyone tell me how Bane eats food?

[–]Vectoor 4 points5 points ago

Protein shake in one of those tubes.

[–]asianinthemix00 2 points3 points ago

Boost for breakfast, an Ensure dessert...

[–]Evairfairy 1 point2 points ago

No, no they cannot.

[–]awesomeJS 1 point2 points ago

upvote for awesome drawing of Bane.

[–]thatguy73 1 point2 points ago

How the shit do people have so much talent like that!

[–]Athene_Wins 1 point2 points ago

Just finished watching this movie 2 mins ago. It was pretty good :)

[–]haiku_robot 5 points6 points ago

Just finished watching 
this movie 2 mins ago. 
It was pretty good :)

[–]specialk16 0 points1 point ago

So how do read Haikus anyway? Stop each line?

[–]DefinitelyRelephant 0 points1 point ago

The most popular form of haiku is 5 syllables, then 7 syllables, then 5 syllables, but there are many forms.

[–]northweststyle 2 points3 points ago

My mind automatically reads that in his voice

[–]Dinewiz 1 point2 points ago

The irony is is that I would never wash this off.

[–]Akuma2890 0 points1 point ago

What a lovely lovely hatch.

[–]GOU_NoMoreMrNiceGuy 0 points1 point ago

the boy has a lovely voice!

[–]TeaStainsAndTobacco 0 points1 point ago

Your payment must be more severe!

[–]Buzz654 0 points1 point ago

Seems legit. (ps.don't wash bane off.he makes your car look badass)

[–]daveMTU 1 point2 points ago

Those "line x" stickers are f-ing everywhere!

[–]TED217 0 points1 point ago

Holy fucking shit. This guy is awesome

[–]MrTravesty 1 point2 points ago

Bane's new nemesis - Mr. Clean.

[–]smhgameboy27 0 points1 point ago

So you're saying wash all of it, except for one little section so it's still "dirty"?

[–]Pete_and_Carl -1 points0 points ago

Doing that scratches your windshield. But it's so badass that it doesn't even matter

[–]WonkaRunts 0 points1 point ago

After I am done with ur mother u have my permission to cry.

[–]spackledealer 0 points1 point ago

Don't the Buddhist monks make colored sand paintings with the intention of destroying them? Intricate, beautiful, and doomed? Is this our modern western equivalent?

[–]puffknuckle 1 point2 points ago

This isn't a car!

[–]yuhju 0 points1 point ago

Self-defeating.

[–]Wacocaine 0 points1 point ago

"Wow that's a big mess."

"...for you."

[–]pungkow -1 points0 points ago

The Dark Knight Rinses

[–]doomgiver98 0 points1 point ago

The driver can't drive to the car wash until the car is washed?

[–]DrivingMsDazy 0 points1 point ago

/r/funny? this should be in /r/un-fuckin-believableArt

note: that subreddit doesn't actually exist...

[–]schast 0 points1 point ago

The dust betrays you because it belongs to me!

[–]TheSecondLaw 0 points1 point ago

Don't you guys know all these puns are just for karma?

Batman growl - They know.. They just don't care.

[–]schast 0 points1 point ago

Water and a Sham-Wow, powerful agents for the uncleaned.

[–]muja0902 0 points1 point ago

The dirtiness is not your ally..

[–]HighPlainDrifter 0 points1 point ago

In the time it took someone to create that wonderful piece of art, the car could have been washed and dried...

[–]CQuintanilla218 0 points1 point ago

http://i.imgur.com/Fo6yn.jpg

Showed this to my friend and he tried it out.

[–]CondomMask -2 points-1 points ago

This makes me realize that I'm not talented

[–]thedoctortoo 1 point2 points ago

Cars are your ally?

[–]StarMagnus -1 points0 points ago

If this is real it would have taken far less time to wash the car then to do the drawing.

[–]maso0102 1 point2 points ago

If that was my rear window I'd never wash it again

[–]btp11f 1 point2 points ago

That is amazing! How long did it take to finish? And did you only use your finger?

[–]thefattestman 1 point2 points ago

"Nope, just my long, prehensile penis!"

[–]purplebadger -2 points-1 points ago

Funny, but photoshopped …

[–]Pillowsonapile -2 points-1 points ago

I love the fact that it's a hearse, lmao

[–]AQCon 5 points6 points ago

Pickup truck.

[–]Pillowsonapile 0 points1 point ago

shrug looked like a hearse to me.

[–]sinan810 -1 points0 points ago

That is fantastic

[–]fuck_keanu_reeves -2 points-1 points ago

since I haven't seen the movie I'll just pretend to get it.

[–]knightofmars 1 point2 points ago

Pretty sure the line is from one of the trailers.

[–]megacookie 0 points1 point ago

Well, congratulations! You got yourself caught! Now what's the next step in your master plan? Bane: Washing this pane... with no survivors!

[–]Tanner_Gang47 -3 points-2 points ago

Am I the only one that wants to wash this masterpiece with my cum shots?

[–]natedogg89 2 points3 points ago

Yes

[–]notsurewhatiam -3 points-2 points ago

This Bane quote is overused and not funny anymore.