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top 200 commentsshow all 295

[–]RealBean 490 points491 points ago

I'd like to have sex with her, if you know what I mean.

[–]Skizot_Bizot 157 points158 points ago

I'm sorry. Could you elaborate?

[–]biggus_dickuss 128 points129 points ago

He meant to say that he wants to park in her garage, if you know what I mean.

[–]fatboi69 82 points83 points ago

I'm not sure I quite understand.

[–]richf2001 126 points127 points ago

She has the bandwidth if you've got the Ethernet cord.

[–]Sinavestia 70 points71 points ago

Sorry, What?

[–]LieutenantKumar 142 points143 points ago

He would like to slytherin to her chamber of secrets, if you know what I mean.

[–]Pelican_Fly 27 points28 points ago

What if SHE wanted to swap secrets between their chambers?

[–]LieutenantKumar 47 points48 points ago

Well then she would't need to say lumos to light up my wand

[–]likeBruceSpringsteen 46 points47 points ago

WinkwinknudgenudgeknowwhatImeanknowwhatImeansaynomoresaynomore.

[–]trollwhitey 5 points6 points ago

I don't quite understand

[–]bwaxxlo 6 points7 points ago

If she was a lock, he'd pick her!

[–]badpenguin455 0 points1 point ago

what if she was a booger?

[–]Drewboy64 1 point2 points ago

Heh heh heh... I know what you mean...

Just to make sure, we're not talking about food, right?

[–]trollwhitey 1 point2 points ago

I thought we were talking about Gumbel2Gumbel

[–][deleted] 71 points72 points ago

He would like to insert his penis into her vagina, if you know what I mean.

[–]FuckMyLifeGooner 75 points76 points ago

Joey, we always know what you mean.

[–]Nargles1031 2 points3 points ago

Upvote for friends!!!!!!!

[–]Johnfohn 27 points28 points ago

He would like to reheat a single hot dog in her microwave for 3 minutes.

[–]SilentWalrus92 16 points17 points ago

I understand now

[–]ABlackOrchid 7 points8 points ago

Cause the hot dog in that scenario would explode. Much like a penis "explodes" with semen during ejaculation.

[–]canthidecomments 40 points41 points ago

He'd piss in her butt, if you know what I mean.

Wait ... did I fuck it up?

He'd like to stow his luggage in her boot, if you know what I mean.

[–]Cyberslasher 21 points22 points ago

Foot jobs are hot.

[–]matttrope 13 points14 points ago

I upvoted you back to zero cause i agree. Have a nice day.

[–]Pooploser-69 0 points1 point ago

He wants to put the key in the lock.

[–]netraven5000 4 points5 points ago

So you're saying she has an RJ-45 jack in her pants that my Ethernet cable will fit into?

[–]show_me_ur_butthole 72 points73 points ago

I would get her to show me her butthole.

Then run away.

[–]anthrax704 28 points29 points ago

Are you checking if it's tattooed?

[–]jacobc436 10 points11 points ago

...suuuuureeee...

[–]Traniz 2 points3 points ago

She needs tp* for her bumhole? *tiny pe...

[–]Jaksongitr 20 points21 points ago

At 'terminal velocity'.

[–]Imjustheartless 8 points9 points ago

I would enter her chamber of secrets.

[–]alec1310 4 points5 points ago

Dat username....

[–]Herroh 2 points3 points ago

I read this. Immediately said "psh... stuuupid" then proceeded to laugh like a giggly school girl.

[–]Evanderson 0 points1 point ago

I'd like her to use Wenguardianleviossa on my dick, if you catch my drift.

[–]hollander93 1 point2 points ago

Im sorry but that was so heavy in innuendo that it went right over my head.

[–]heatox 0 points1 point ago

This comment. This comment made me giggle more than any of the pics on today's threads.

[–]AlterBridgeFan 139 points140 points ago

I don't care about what kind of fetishes there are in the book. All I know is that, I would still watch it and fap like never before.

[–]Sobertese 44 points45 points ago

I would fap like that one time, awhile back...

[–]AlterBridgeFan 21 points22 points ago

Then you grew older?

[–]Sobertese 38 points39 points ago

No, it was during my awkward random time travel phase. So I was sixty four, and it required viagra III.

[–]ABlackOrchid 17 points18 points ago

64? At that age you'd need a fake ID to rent ultra porn.

[–]necroblze 2 points3 points ago

Sobertese, fapping holes through space and time

[–]vanatanasov 34 points35 points ago

The best thing about Emma Watson is that, as you grow older, so does she!

[–]Proxiipanda 5 points6 points ago

10 minutes ago?

[–]Trolls-Gone-Wild 2 points3 points ago

You would watch a book and fap to it? I can only imagine what would happen if you decided to read it and fap.

[–]Dizech 109 points110 points ago

[–]dissapointedorikface 23 points24 points ago

"They snapped me wang in half and everything."

Jesus FUCK. That sounds indescribably painful.

[–]EternalNothing 49 points50 points ago

relevant (As in similar to OP's image)

http://i.imgur.com/P494J.jpg

[–]iGotChubs4You 11 points12 points ago

Ravenclaw, plz. Thnx.

[–]Arcticia 6 points7 points ago

I'd have sex with all of them.

[–]willyolio 7 points8 points ago

why is gryffindor emo?

[–]DragonAzz 66 points67 points ago

50 shades of premature wand expelliarmus

[–]beeprog 4 points5 points ago

Thought your username was DragonJizz which would explain everything, but I lament we are none the wiser.

[–]DragonAzz 7 points8 points ago

Damn. What a missed opportunity.

[–]3rb 72 points73 points ago

[–]HaloWarLord711 15 points16 points ago

Precisely my good sir

[–]Romeagent158 188 points189 points ago

50 Points to Gryffindor!

[–]RyanRev 79 points80 points ago

Thats two. 48 more, please.

PLEASE?

[–]Demeter_of_New[S] 63 points64 points ago

That's just one, don't short change yourself.

[–]tesnakeinurboot 14 points15 points ago

Even better.

[–]Rixxer 4 points5 points ago

Thank Dumbledore for time travel!

[–]brianbrianbrian 1 point2 points ago

So if she closed her eyes and didn't realize she was fucking herself, would that be enough to prevent a paradox?

[–]Rixxer 4 points5 points ago

I don't see how there's a paradox at all. She went back in time, therefore whatever she changed would just me changed forever. A goes back in time to fuck B, B becomes A when she later goes back in time to fuck B, and over and over. Likewise, if she decides not to go back in time one of those times, the cycle changes.

[–]lordofALLsquirrels 0 points1 point ago

Since the only A that exists in this loop is one that is influenced by the previous A, there could never have been a prime A to start the loop in the first place.

[–]DarthEmet 9 points10 points ago

Please.

[–]demacish 11 points12 points ago

Pliz

[–]NextName 16 points17 points ago

pls granger, pls!

[–]WeHaveMetBefore 16 points17 points ago

fak u ron

[–]skulblaka 11 points12 points ago

malfoy pls

[–]raddude692 63 points64 points ago

I am SO okay with this, it is unreal...

[–]theazninvasion68 31 points32 points ago

50 shades of YES.

[–]stinky-weaselteats 13 points14 points ago

50 shades of YES.

YES

[–]brianbrianbrian 1 point2 points ago

Well...

[–]WorstPossibleThing 8 points9 points ago

[–]brickstein 8 points9 points ago

...I'll be in my bunk

[–]shinyhappyhead 6 points7 points ago

Accio erection!

[–]ShinInuko 6 points7 points ago

Please let this be a thing.

[–]GrangerLover 31 points32 points ago

I always wondered what my username meant. Now I know!

[–]pesadelo 6 points7 points ago

My childhood just jizzed in its pants.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

Was expecting the Granger catalogue. Was pleasantly surprised.

[–]luckyratfoot 2 points3 points ago

I certainly had some unexpected clit twitching.

[–]professorfox 66 points67 points ago

apparently, emma watson is being considered for the movie adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey. I'm suddenly more interested

[–]canthidecomments 57 points58 points ago

She's turned it down. Sadly.

Would out-box-office Star Wars Whores.

[–]nickasummers 38 points39 points ago

She turned it down? Damn. I was vaguely curious what fapping in a theater would be like but I guess I'll never know.

[–]piecrazy47 4 points5 points ago

You should see Nancy Nurse

[–]mrdrsmashington123 1 point2 points ago

Try fapping in your living room with your family in their and you'll get the idea.

[–]iGotChubs4You 1 point2 points ago

Ask Pee Wee Herman. He's not busy.

[–]came_here_2_say 4 points5 points ago

Do you realize how many monies that movie would have made if she was in it...

[–]splice42 0 points1 point ago

Not only did she not turn it down, she was never offered a part to being with.

[–]canthidecomments 0 points1 point ago

Well then that's just fucking stupid.

Somebody offer it to her!

She should demand ONE KAJILLION DOLLARS.

And she'd get it.

[–]MtnDewGuy27 11 points12 points ago

Would likely go see the movie then. Won't if she isn't in it though.

[–]came_here_2_say 0 points1 point ago

Unless Emma Stone is in it... or maybe even Isla Fischer...

[–]hooplah 11 points12 points ago

Matt Bomer is being considered for the male lead, and author/douchefuck Bret Easton Ellis came out saying Matt Bomer shouldn't be allowed to take it because he is gay.

I can't even make this assholery up.

[–]delonyer 13 points14 points ago

To be fair, I wouldn't want a gay guy to play the lead womanizer in my movie unless it was NPH

[–]hooplah 12 points13 points ago

Why not? That's terribly prejudicial. Actors are fucking actors. Straight actors play gay playboys all the time, what's wrong with the reverse?

Matt Bomer plays a womanizer on White Collar already. It's really not a far cry.

I can't believe people are agreeing with you.

[–]TheMeatball 18 points19 points ago

I do not agree with Andrew Garfield playing Spiderman because he doesn't have spider powers. He's great for other roles but this is too big a game.

[–]willyolio 7 points8 points ago

matt damon was horrible in the Bourne trilogy because he wasn't an actual secret agent.

[–]othinn365 1 point2 points ago

Yeah! I mean, like...asking actors to pretend to be something they're not totally undermines the whole concept of theater and film.

[–]came_here_2_say 2 points3 points ago

Matt Bomer plays a womanizer on White Collar already.

Umm... no? What White Collar are you watching. For the first two or three seasons all he cared about was Kate despite the fact that everyone said she didn't care about him. He was dedicated to one girl (until she died of course) and I don't know any womanizers that do that...

[–]hooplah 2 points3 points ago

He didn't sleep with the women, but he seduces a woman practically every episode. I was calling him a womanizer in the sense that he is fantastic with women and they always fall for him.

[–]logic11 0 points1 point ago

Perhaps it's simply because he is madly in love with NPH and wants to get close to him. It's a reaction that makes sense to me (straight male here)

[–]rawbamatic 2 points3 points ago

Who is Matt Bomer?

[–]EnglishMobster 2 points3 points ago

I kept reading that as "Matt Boner." I was wondering what the problem was.

[–]tron2012 17 points18 points ago

I would watch the movie all day if she played both leads

[–]I_am_ok_with_this 29 points30 points ago

I am ok with this.

[–]BigJohnful 3 points4 points ago

Wow it's amazing how changing a post to a different subreddit will garner more karma. Just to think three days ago you posted this in pics and got squat for it. Have another upvote sir.

[–]starchild2099 12 points13 points ago

Thanks, now there's cum literally everywhere.

[–]came_here_2_say 2 points3 points ago

literally everywhere?

[–]starchild2099 4 points5 points ago

Literally. It's in the sky on a sunny day, it's in a cool creek where an old man likes to fish in the afternoons, it's in the children's laughter. My cum is literally inside of all of you now. Because of Hermione Granger.

[–]SoggyStargazer 14 points15 points ago

10 out of 10 would DEFINITELY bang

[–]14roes 5 points6 points ago

whatever loafs your meat

[–]erinkay641 23 points24 points ago

My twelve year old self is crying in a ditch somewhere right now, burning the magical books that were my upbringing.

[–]JesusofTorn 31 points32 points ago

But your current self has one hand down your trousers wondering if you should.

[–]armacitis 5 points6 points ago

MY twelve year old self has his hand down his trousers.

[–]4gitsandshiggles 6 points7 points ago

50 Shades of Fap

[–]jasonlitherland 27 points28 points ago

this is close to the creepiest thing i've ever seen anybody photoshop

[–]SicilianDeathMatch 60 points61 points ago

this is close to the greatest thing i've ever seen anybody photoshop

FTFY

[–]jacobc436 4 points5 points ago

What IS the creepiest?

[–]daweis1 1 point2 points ago

Not funny, just awesome.

[–]Another_Desk_Jockey 1 point2 points ago

Well, that's the fastest I've ever gotten a hard on...

[–]LunaCumberbitch 2 points3 points ago

Of course the Slytherin version is the Dom!

[–]captainpotty 8 points9 points ago

That's just creepy.

[–]InflatableBombshelte 6 points7 points ago

Is no one else creeped out by the fact the images doctored here are of (At the time) a 16 year old playing a 15 year old? And why is this in in r/funny anyway?

[–]dasrealgood -1 points0 points ago

As my friends dad would have said, "Old enough to bleed, old enough to butcher!"

[–]CheezeburgerTroll 2 points3 points ago

Wut?

[–]dasrealgood 0 points1 point ago

It means once a girl is able to have her period she is old enough to have sex with...

[–]CheezeburgerTroll 0 points1 point ago

I know, it just sounds incredibly weird.

[–]dasrealgood 0 points1 point ago

oh

[–]AcrossTheUniverse 0 points1 point ago

Is it me or their hair are exactly the same, only different colors?

[–]AlienJunkie 0 points1 point ago

I have the most appropriate boner right now

[–]handofblood 0 points1 point ago

Splooged. In my pants.

[–]DungeonHunter 0 points1 point ago

I'd like to sort her into Slytherin, if you know what I mean.

[–]purplestofthepurples 0 points1 point ago

This tingles my interests.

[–]ethanderson 0 points1 point ago

oh please, please be a thing/subreddit

[–]soulknight56 0 points1 point ago

Is it weird this gave me a boner?

[–]A0C 0 points1 point ago

This gives the chamber of secrets a whole new meaning...

[–]AsherAmI 2 points3 points ago

Why is this on r/funny? There needs to be a sub-reddit for 'lets make this shit happen'

[–]Valendr0s 0 points1 point ago

Dear Diary,

Jackpot

[–]Linkinparklover97 3 points4 points ago

Childhood ruined

[–]budperson -1 points0 points ago

I need a minute.

[–]jessieo387 0 points1 point ago

It's amazing how since this announcement has come out I haven't seen any "50 shades of gay" comments --- not surprised, quite pleased actually

[–]holladoub -1 points0 points ago

i haven't fapped in 3 weeks, seeing this tempts me

[–]SergioSF -1 points0 points ago

Came in here thinking mr.granger

[–]SundayRed -1 points0 points ago

Came here expecting Danny Granger. Was pleasantly wrong.

[–]coffeedrinking -1 points0 points ago

I'm so confused.

[–]team_STARK -1 points0 points ago

i got a boner.

[–]EnigmaticBanana -1 points0 points ago

I want to put my floppy penis in their vaginas, if you know what I mean.

[–]yayjinaz -1 points0 points ago

Hmmmm....

I approve this message.

[–]CallMeAnEngineer -1 points0 points ago

Somebody fucking do this. Now.

[–]b0b0b078 -1 points0 points ago

wow i would watch the hell out of this

[–]netraven5000 -1 points0 points ago

I'd like to be invited to her diamond club if ya catch my drift.

[–]sklinepseudonym 1 point2 points ago

I bought that, interesting read.

[–]netraven5000 0 points1 point ago

Very much so.

[–]chean -1 points0 points ago

Man I wish I had a third nut

[–]Trolls-Gone-Wild -1 points0 points ago

I agree with this.

[–]Nickodemus -1 points0 points ago

Damnit, you just ruined my childhood. :<

[–]Phallicious -1 points0 points ago

I think its funny that whoever made this, chose to use pictures of her when she was like 15

[–]Datoneblackguy -1 points0 points ago

My dick, their butts.

[–]ALPHAR00STER -1 points0 points ago

I could stomach this book

[–]IKnowManyThings -1 points0 points ago

Rule 34

[–]asnof -1 points0 points ago

Ill take all 50 shades please, even if the cost is a strapon to the rectum it would still be worth it.

I think I just gained a layer of filth that doesnt wash off.....

[–]mellymelz89 -1 points0 points ago

Now that's a book a can get behind, in front of, under, on top, inside of (if you know what I mean)

[–]Cupcake_In_My_Eye -1 points0 points ago

I'm not so into this whole s & m thing. That being said I'd like to make sweet sweet potato latkas with this woman.

[–]jaytyphoon 0 points1 point ago

Yes please

[–]NerdInACan 0 points1 point ago

I don't know if I'm turned on or confused.

[–]TommyTurtle 0 points1 point ago

original album?

[–]CitizenShips 0 points1 point ago

Man, I would whisk her to the first floor at terminal velocity, if you know what I mean.

[–]Locklinn 0 points1 point ago

what the fuck

[–]MtnDewGuy27 -1 points0 points ago

I have no problems with this. Feel free to enter my love dungeon Hermione.

[–]NastyRazorburn 2 points3 points ago

/r/creepy ... Yeah... Definitely.

[–]Shelby312 0 points1 point ago

Why is the tie green and gold? If anything I'd assume it'd be green and silver and Hermione would be ravaged violently by a Slytherin

[–]Vogelism 1 point2 points ago

YES!

[–]drackzeal -1 points0 points ago

Buh Buh Buh boner

[–]Knubinator 1 point2 points ago

50 Shades of YES.

[–]BUTTRAPE_MCFUCK 1 point2 points ago

[–]fatpad00 -1 points0 points ago

i dig.

[–]MathewMurdock -1 points0 points ago

Fuck yeah.

[–]Valkeor -1 points0 points ago

Don't mind if I do...

[–]prinnycommander -1 points0 points ago

I would thoroughly review that book....

[–]blackjackyo -1 points0 points ago

Me gusta

[–]Jacosion -1 points0 points ago

I just came

[–]keeganadavis 0 points1 point ago

nice...

[–]LeCrushinator 1 point2 points ago

She's been a filthy muggle...

[–]HaloWarLord711 -1 points0 points ago

And where can I buy this wonderful book?

[–]ImWillyWonkasDad -2 points-1 points ago

50 shades of my jizz!