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1395
1396

No, Cookie Monster, you don't (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by closetcrazy

all 122 comments
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[–]outrunsilver 190 points191 points ago

Needs more JPEG.

[–]leetheproducer 63 points64 points ago

he must have uploaded this on a potato

[–]GoodEnoughForMe 29 points30 points ago

That's good enough for me.

[–]BusRider 17 points18 points ago

It doesn't matter as long as you can count to it.

[–]mahimahi111 24 points25 points ago

http://imgur.com/OsCT1

[–]Dyn4m1c 5 points6 points ago

I thank you with an upvote for my new wallpaper.

[–]eamantite 4 points5 points ago

Pic is fuzzier than my man-satchel.

[–]4_word_replies_only 0 points1 point ago

My satchel is clean.

[–]martin58474 -2 points-1 points ago

Lolol .. there is my laugh for the day, gotta remember the "man-satchel" for future reference!

[–]hogiewan 1 point2 points ago

I played that song on vinyl over and over on my fisher price record player as a kid

[–]betweengreenandblack 4 points5 points ago

Oh, cookie cookie cookie starts with C!

[–]Praful94 0 points1 point ago

COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE STARTS WITH C

[–]atrociousxcracka 1 point2 points ago

Hey come on give glados a break

[–]ANDYHAWES93 1 point2 points ago

When people mention potatos referring to technology all i think is GLaDOS.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]closetcrazy[S] 1 point2 points ago

I'll be damned...

[–]kihadat 1 point2 points ago

Much better.

[–]mirmir16 65 points66 points ago

So I'm not the only one who noticed. So technically if he was the veggie monster he would show kids to spit their vegetables out! Take that sesame street.

[–]Breathing_Balls 31 points32 points ago

He is also showing kids that addiction is acceptable.

Where is the counselling?..Why is he not in rehab?

How does he pay for his habit?

So many questions......

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]egrodo 22 points23 points ago

Wat

[–]jevmorgan 34 points35 points ago

wellthatescalatedquickly.jpg

[–]insanityfarm 12 points13 points ago

Kind of like when you're in kindergarten and all the other kids are painting pictures of a person and they attach the legs directly to the head. No body. Oh, as a 5 year old, I'm just going to ignore the entire torso. I guess people are just fucking spiders with two legs.

Maddox?

[–]Korberos 3 points4 points ago

Woah man, don't be hacking the internet over here...

[–]insanityfarm 2 points3 points ago

D'oh, that's what I get for knowing HTML. Fixed.

[–]Rainb0wcrash99 4 points5 points ago

I'd open up a tub of the stuff and just push a dick-shaped hole right into the center. I'd fuck that gooey mess for a good 5 minutes or so and by the time I'd pull out, it'd look like I'd been fucking someone anally and it got messy. Perfect.

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Kanye_Westicles 2 points3 points ago

...wat

[–]Chinook700 0 points1 point ago

Well...

[–]closetcrazy[S] 0 points1 point ago

Congratulations! You are now tagged as "cookie fucker"

[–]Breathing_Balls -5 points-4 points ago

Fucking legend!

[–]Dwyguy 1 point2 points ago

A cookie is a sometimes food.

[–]ringelrun 35 points36 points ago

If I recall correctly, he never even tried to eat cookies. I am pretty sure that those were rice crackers since the oil and flour from the cookies would have messed up his fur.

[–]honeydee 10 points11 points ago

That and the guy who played the cookie monster was a health freak. Wouldn't go near real cookies.

[–]4_word_replies_only 1 point2 points ago

They're probably carab cookies.

[–]muppetmaker 4 points5 points ago

Whoops, made the comment then scrolled down to see this. But you're right. The chocolate is rubber, and they are specially baked with no oil or grease so they don't ruin the fur and crumble easier. My buddy is Cookie's baker, she is awesome.

[–]BornOnFeb2nd 1 point2 points ago

She perpetuates A LIE!

[–]agent4573 3 points4 points ago

You are correct.

[–]closetcrazy[S] 0 points1 point ago

I suppose "Rice Cracker Monster" didn't quite have the same ring to it.

[–]Hey_Listen_WatchOut 37 points38 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/vK7Cl.gif

[–]MrBrawn 19 points20 points ago

The "cookies" were actually painted rice cakes. They couldn't use real cookies because the oils destroyed the muppets. Sorry for ruining your childhood.

[–]findingcolinmachre 1 point2 points ago

screw you..

[–]vivvav 4 points5 points ago

Yeah, but now we know that perfectly good cookies didn't go to waste. Just shitty rice cakes.

[–]frostbird 18 points19 points ago

He actually has a little pouch in the back of his mouth that some (SOME!) pieces get shoved into.

[–]klown_13 18 points19 points ago

dat pixel

[–]Very_Bored_Redditor 20 points21 points ago

If I had $1 for every pixel in this picture, I would have $13...

[–]Reqol 47 points48 points ago

False, the picture is 463 720 pixels wide and 330 513 pixels high. You would have $152 790,- $369 360,- if you have a dollar for every pixel.

noone saw that

[–]vivvav 0 points1 point ago

Well I'll take his dollars for every pixel if he doesn't want 'em.

[–]4_word_replies_only -2 points-1 points ago

Donate it to charity.

[–]WK_of_Angmar 0 points1 point ago

I think you might want to recheck that - it's 720 pixels wide and 513 pixels high.

You can also check with this JS code:

var img = new Image();
img.onload = function() {alert("Width is " + img.width + " pixels. Height is " + img.height + " pixels.")};
img.src = "http://i.imgur.com/EOekP.jpg";

[–]Reqol 0 points1 point ago

What? What are you talking about? whistles

[–]DrStinkyGnome 4 points5 points ago

The artifacts from reposts are prevalent

[–]closetcrazy[S] -2 points-1 points ago

I found it on the internet

[–]snatchenvy 8 points9 points ago

Om nom nom nom

[–]5mokahontas 8 points9 points ago

"Let me pretend I have cookie OM NOM NOM NOM NOM ME DO DO THAT."

[–]gaben_is_a_SPY 2 points3 points ago

Dat image quality.

[–]Suicidal_Elmo 3 points4 points ago

Step 1 is admitting he has a problem.

[–]youmightfindyourself -1 points0 points ago

This always bothered me as kid. Watching Fantastic Mr. Fox earlier this year, I couldn't help but be reminded of the Cookie Monster's wasteful eating habits whenever any of the foxes ate.

Then again, they are "wild animals."

[–]danblee 1 point2 points ago

Confession Cookie Monster is a bit disenchanting, don't you think? I want to believe.

[–]TeaStud 0 points1 point ago

The most interesting cookie monster in the world

[–]bacchianrevelry 1 point2 points ago

He isn't a monster who loves cookies; he is the monster OF cookies whose sole purpose is to bring torment and terror to cookies.

[–]pimpernel666 0 points1 point ago

Always relevant

[–]spencer_duley 0 points1 point ago

I read that in cookie monster voice

[–]el3kt2ik 1 point2 points ago

After reading this in his voice, I just realized cookie monster kinda sounds like Yoda if he was strung out in the Dagobah system hooked on crack.

[–]gametavern 0 points1 point ago

Yoda is Grover.

[–]Nymaz 0 points1 point ago

When I was a kid, I loved Grover and taught myself how to do his voice. Everyone was amazed at how good my Yoda impression was.

[–]0rigin 0 points1 point ago

What kind of a fucking monster is he?

[–]4nonymo 1 point2 points ago

Hence why he's a monster...

[–]emanresu1369 0 points1 point ago

Why the fuck isn't this on /r/AdviceAnimals?

[–]closetcrazy[S] -1 points0 points ago

because he's not giving anyone advice?

[–]bAssKicker 1 point2 points ago

That always frustrated me to no end as a child.

[–]SugarbearSID 1 point2 points ago

I think you got your headline wrong, it should be "Yes, you do, Cookie Monster" since the whole point of this is to explain to you something he DOES do. I feel like maybe you didn't read the whole thing?

[–]closetcrazy[S] 0 points1 point ago

I am agreeing with his first statement that he doesn't always eat cookies

[–]muppetmaker 1 point2 points ago

My friend is actually the lady who makes the cookies for cookie monster to demolish. Pretty sweet job being the Cookie monster's cookie baker. Also they suck to bake.

[–]digitalpencil 1 point2 points ago

reminds me of my favourite inspirational quote:

"Sometimes me think, what is friend? And then me say, friend is someone to share the last cookie with." - Cookie Monster

[–]closetcrazy[S] 0 points1 point ago

profound

[–]Yojimbe 0 points1 point ago

I'm not certain why I read that in Yoda's voice.

[–]SeP121 1 point2 points ago

i read this out loud in the cookie monster voice and for that you get an upvote.

[–]ImmortalImitator 0 points1 point ago

This isn't funny, it's blasphemy.

[–]closetcrazy[S] -1 points0 points ago

YOU'RE BLASPHEMY!

[–]bigdog87 0 points1 point ago

Sweet pixel bro.

[–]barcode1999 0 points1 point ago

And that ladies and gentlemen is why he is not called the cookie eating monster

[–]AliasUndercover 0 points1 point ago

Shut Up! He's real to me, damnit!!!

[–]ModernAndroid 0 points1 point ago

Why is Yoda voicing the Cookie Monster in my head?

[–]MSweeny81 0 points1 point ago

Lies, terrible terrible lies! Cookie Monster loves cookies. He always eats them... Reddit why do you want to hurt me?

[–]cookiemunsterz 0 points1 point ago

Always misunderstood

[–]SpaissOwl 1 point2 points ago

Ah thanks for that. I laughed out loud for five seconds straight, then started up again when I reread it. :D

Man, now I want a cookie.

[–]closetcrazy[S] 0 points1 point ago

Glad I could brighten your day, sir (and or madam)

[–]Nymaz 0 points1 point ago

I have no throat, and I must cookie.

[–]tekknav 0 points1 point ago

Can't wait to see this on George Takei's facebook in 2 or 3 days!

[–]bigmeech 0 points1 point ago

DAE never get tired of this great and funny meme from several years ago?

[–]MelancholySpork12 -1 points0 points ago

TIL cookie monster is a puppet

[–]Dynamiklol 0 points1 point ago

ಠ⌣ಠ

[–]110110 -1 points0 points ago

Sadly, I read this in Cookie Monster's voice, in my head... and mumbling to myself out loud.

[–]leedorham -1 points0 points ago

Imagine you had a mouth but no throat, maybe you have a feed tube or something direct to your stomach for nutrition, so taste and nutrition were entirely separate things. What would you choose to taste?

[–]stosh13 6 points7 points ago

smashed up pills with the time release rubbed off.

[–]pete2532 -2 points-1 points ago

Fuck you. COOKIES.

[–]mgtarheels 0 points1 point ago

Funny? Oh, Reddit...

[–]closetcrazy[S] 0 points1 point ago

the internet has spoken

[–]Crackerjacksurgeon -1 points0 points ago

needs moar jpeg.

[–]mystikarts -2 points-1 points ago

them's fightin words... you besmirch the good name of cookie monster... my childhood hero... ohh it's on... it's on like donkey kong...

[–]spartan4333 -4 points-3 points ago

Share it maybe

[–]lolsv -2 points-1 points ago

HAH I KNEW IT! NOBODY BELIEVED ME. WELL LOOK AT ME NOW.

[–]Asap171 -2 points-1 points ago

I read it like he would have said it.

[–]InternetCeleb -2 points-1 points ago

TIL that Cookie Monster's real name is Sidney. Thank you internet!

[–]Dynamiklol 0 points1 point ago

His real name is Cookie Monster, nothing more and nothing less.

[–]strineGreen -2 points-1 points ago

That's why the name 'Monster'. What did you expect?

[–]Mr_1990s -2 points-1 points ago

He is also responsible for poor grammar.

[–]cookiem0nster -2 points-1 points ago

But I do.

[–]DuneBug -2 points-1 points ago

You guys just don't get it. He loves cookies so much he CAN'T eat them the correct way and has to shovel them into his face.

He also has no teeth, let's see you try to eat cookies correctly with no teeth.

[–]da_man_made_of_bread 0 points1 point ago

Actually Cookie Monster has been rehabilitated and is more partial to vegetables.

[–]Ram64 2 points3 points ago

THIS IS FALSE

THIS IS INCORRECT

THIS IS A LIE

[–]da_man_made_of_bread 0 points1 point ago

Unfortunately it is true.

[–]GonkGeefle 0 points1 point ago

http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Is_Cookie_Monster_now_the_Veggie_Monster%3F

[–]da_man_made_of_bread 0 points1 point ago

The Truth is cookies are a sometimes food.

[–]Ram64 0 points1 point ago

No. It isn't.

[–]kookiemnstr 0 points1 point ago

"No! You members of the media blow story WAY out of proportion! Me still like cookies!" says Cookie Monster on NBC Today.

[–]murrkeegz -1 points0 points ago

you dont say that shit about the cookie monster.

[–]dawnwastaken -1 points0 points ago

My entire childhood was a lie.

[–]Helpfulandattractive -2 points-1 points ago

Ah ha!.... Clever stuff going on in r/funny today.

[–]Thrown_Away_Life -1 points0 points ago

ME HRBLRGHGHGHG COOKIE HRBLGHGRHGRHGHR COOKIE COOKIE BLRGHMBGLR

[–]BLAKTINO -3 points-2 points ago

Damn...I read that shit to myself with Cookie Monster voice in my head.

[–]LNMagic 0 points1 point ago

As long as you're being pedantic, those were never real cookies. They don't use fats or sugars in his props because that would spoil the puppet.

[–]TheIcelander -3 points-2 points ago

I read this in Bane's voice.

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