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top 200 commentsshow all 347

[–]Unidan 588 points589 points ago

Biologist here!

For those wondering, this is a slow loris! They are a member of the Primate order! You can't see it in the GIF, but this little guy has five fingers and fingernails, just like us!

These guys are incredible creatures, with amazing grip strength, too! Their hands are so good at gripping that many lorises are found dead still standing up on the branches, as their hands have adaptations for locking into place!

They are also one of the few toxic mammals in the world! They secrete a toxin from their brachial gland on their arms, which they then rub all over their bodies. A loris' defensive position often looks like a person reclining with their hands behind their heads!

[–]GreenOwl 357 points358 points ago

Your excitement about the loris makes me excited!

[–]Unidan 174 points175 points ago

It's on my computer at home, but I actually wrote a ten page paper about lorises once for a primatology class years ago. If I can find it, I will post it in its entirety for everyone to not read!

[–]niltiacb 76 points77 points ago

I'm waaaiiiittttiiiinnnngggg. seriously.

[–]Unidan 88 points89 points ago

In the meantime, enjoy a video I shot yesterday of a turkey vulture eating a hawk.

[–]icouldbewrongbut 48 points49 points ago

I want to marry someone as awesome and informative as you are!

[–]Unidan 103 points104 points ago

Okay, fine, we'll get married, sheesh.

[–]Willyjwade 36 points37 points ago

Well, that is the best way to accept a marriage proposal.

[–]Valek27 1 point2 points ago

He's so tsundere.

[–]DecryptedGaming 7 points8 points ago

If that's not a tsundere response I don't know WHAT is. :3

[–]Unidan 10 points11 points ago

I had to look that up and now I feel like I learned something.

[–]redyellowand 12 points13 points ago

And enthusiastic!

[–]prules 12 points13 points ago

Wow...what a bizarre looking bird! Thanks for that

[–]Unidan 37 points38 points ago

Yup! They actually have no close genetic relation to true vultures that exist in Europe, though! They just happen to look like them due to convergent evolution, which molds animals to have similar traits due to facing similar situations.

The heads are bald to make it easier to plunge into carcasses, which prevents disease and requires less preening to keep clean. You'll notice the bajillion flies around the body its eating.

If you're looking to not vomit, here's the other video I shot yesterday, of two adorable baby deer.

[–]prules 5 points6 points ago

Haha it seems like the one of the left may have spotted you

[–]PoisonousGirl 9 points10 points ago

Brutal...

I once asked my mum if we could eat turkey vultures. She told me I could try but I probably wouldn't make it past the 1st bite.

[–]Unidan 17 points18 points ago

Yeah, I...would require that bird to be thoroughly cleaned, boiled and charred before I considered it even possibly edible.

Vultures are certainly interesting. Lots of them have the ability to vomit on command since they can eat so much in a single sitting, they can have trouble flying, so if something is ready to attack them while they're eating, they'll vomit the whole thing up in order to be light enough to fly.

Appetizing.

[–]PoisonousGirl 7 points8 points ago

I remember learning that in Elementary school and we were told that their stomach acid (well, I don't know about turkey vultures but regular vultures we were told about) is so strong that if they vomit on you the shit will burn so bad.

On top of this, I always thought my mum meant that it'd be hard to eat it because it was a scavenger so it doesn't have the best diet. Is this not true? CAN I FULFILL MY DREAM OF EATING ONE!? O_O

(kidding)

[–]Unidan 15 points16 points ago

You honestly could eat a vulture, assuming it was properly cooked and cleaned!

Unfortunately for you, they are also protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act, so you would go to jail/pay a hefty fee for doing so!

[–]PoisonousGirl 4 points5 points ago

v_v

But...but... vultures...

Fiiiiiiine! I'll just save my appetite for my next few conquest; green-cheeked parrots and ivory-billed woodpeckers. NOM! :-D :-P

[–]RandomFrenchGuy 2 points3 points ago

For this reason, the European ones are extremely prudent birds. Among other things they always watch the crows carefully. Crows are bright and will let them know if there's anything dangerous nearby.

[–]Unidan 1 point2 points ago

I study crows ;)

[–]revolverocelot 8 points9 points ago

YUSSS! I got Unidan's youtube acc subscribed!!!!

[–]Unidan 4 points5 points ago

Now you have a gross little window into my disgusting world!

[–]LuckyAmeliza 4 points5 points ago

So, In your scientific opinion, would you say This guy is a Turkey Vulture?

[–]Unidan 6 points7 points ago

Nah, more of an Old World Vulture.

A little like this one.

[–]mrdoink20 3 points4 points ago

Wow, you're pretty cool.

[–]Unidan 2 points3 points ago

Meh.

[–]DoctorChompa 2 points3 points ago

There are a couple of huge turkey buzzards near my home. I saw them working over a roadkill the other day. They have an amazing wingspan.

[–]Unidan 2 points3 points ago

Yup! They are huge!

I came over a hill while driving my lab truck to a site a couple of months ago and had two of them ride the thermals up alongside me, maybe three feet from the open car windows, while I was blasting Lynryd Skynyrd.

That ruled.

[–]Unidan 29 points30 points ago

8 HOURS LATER, HERE'S THE DELIVERY

Turns out, my memory isn't so great, this paper was only a page or so. The longer paper was on primate alarm calling, which I will post to make up for that fact. Enjoy my poorly written college homework:

Emerging ancestrally in the early to middle Eocene, according to the fossil record, what is now known as the family Lorisidae represents a unique component of the suborder Prosimii. (Lehman & Fleagle, 2006) While it is agreed for the most part that the family Lorisidae is derived from the now extinct Omomyidae family (Clark, 2009), there still remains some debate around this designation (Swindler & Erwin, Comparative Primate Biology: Systematics, Evolution and Anatomy, 1986), as the Omomyids are seen to fit into the suborder Haplorhini, not the Strepsirrhini suborder that the family Lorisidae currently resides in.

The family Lorisidae is divided up among lorises, pottos and angwantibos which span five genera: Arctocebus, Perodicticus, Pseudopotto, Loris and Nycticebus. Genus Arctocebus represents the angwantibos, genera Perodicticus and Pseudopotto represent the pottos and genera Loris and Nycticebus represent the lorises. Among those genera, 9 species in total are distributed, two to the angwantibos, two to the pottos and five to the lorises. (Groves & Wilson, 2005) Geographically, pottos and angwantibos are located in central Africa, while the lorises are found in South or Southeast Asia (Lehman & Fleagle, 2006).

The lorids are an entirely arboreal family, spending nearly all of their time in the branches of tropical forests. They range in size from 16 to 41 centimeters and in weight from 0.3 to 2.0 kilograms, depending on the species with the Red Slender Loris and Pottos marking the low and high end of the ranges, respectively. Quickly apparent characteristics of lorids include their tails which are greatly reduced, as in the pottos and angwantibos, or entirely absent, as in the lorises, and a highly reduced second digit (which may be absent of a nail) which serves as an adaptation for arboreal quadrupedalism. (Hill, 1953) This quadrupedalism is achieved through very deliberate, chameleon-like, hand-over-hand advancement along branches which is in stark contrast to the quick-paced leaping of its bushbaby relatives in the family Galagidae. (Strasser, Fleagle, Rosenberger, & McHenry, 1998)

While the lorids do move quadrupedally, they often will hang entirely from their hind legs, freeing up their hands in order to catch insects and small lizards. Expanded systems of blood vessels in the hands and feet, a retia mirabilia, give lorids an extraordinary ability to cling onto branches, many able to support themselves entirely with one foot. Some researchers even claimed to have found dead lorises still clinging to branches, unable to be removed, even after many hours. In order to find these insects and lizards in the night, as lorids are entirely nocturnal, they possess enormous eyes, so large, in fact, that they are fixed, necessitating head turning in order to bring objects into view. (Hill, 1953)

Once a lorid has found a meal, it will obviously put it into its mouth. Here, the dentition of the family Lorisidae is seen to be similar to family Galagidae. As with all strepsirrhines, the lorids possess a toothcomb, a set of teeth with microscopic grooves which aid in foraging and grooming techniques. The diet of the lorids includes fruits, insects, small lizards and tree saps, thus necessitating an omnivorous set of teeth. (Swindler, Primate Dentition: An Introduction to the Teeth of Non-human Primates, 2002)

Members of the family Lorisidae are polygynous, with territories, marked through urine placed on hands and feet, rarely overlapping except when breeding. Gestation is typically around 190 days, with one or two offspring being produced. These offspring will stay with the mother, clinging to her fur, for up to one year, after which they are considered mature. (Hill, 1953)

Lorids can live up to nearly twenty years unless they are preyed upon by snakes, owls or carnivorous mammals in lowland or highland tropical forests. Interestingly, Slow lorises in the Genus Nycticebus possess the unique ability to secrete a toxin through glands on the inside of the brachial region of their elbows, which they lick from a defensive posture in order to deliver a toxic bite. Slow lorises will also coat their young in this toxin as a deterrent to predators. (Piper, 2007) Other methods of defense include vocalizations, which are characterized by a low buzzing sound. (Hill, 1953)

While much of the family’s conservation status is data deficient, many members of the genus Nycticebus and Loris, are threatened. This is due to the pet trade in Southeast Asia, where the lorises are seen as cute creatures due to their large eyes and easy demeanor. Many recipients of lorises as pets are often quickly disappointed by the animal’s odor, temporality and, in some cases, painful toxicity.

Works Cited: Clark, A. B. (2009, February 2). Lecture on Primate Evolution. Binghamton, New York. Else, J. G., & Lee, P. C. (Eds.). (1986). Primate Evolution. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Groves, C., & Wilson, D. E. (Eds.). (2005). Mammal Species of the World (3rd Edition ed.). John Hopkins University Press. Hill, W. C. (1953). Primates: Comparitive Anatomy and Taxonomy (Vol. 1). Edinburgh: R. & R. Clark, Ltd. Jones, C. B. (2005). Behavioral Flexibility in Primates: Causes and Consequences. New York: Springer Science+Business Media, Inc. Lehman, S. M., & Fleagle, J. G. (2006). Primate Biogeography: Progress and Prospects. New York: Springer Science+Business Media, LLC. Piper, R. (2007). Extraordinary Animals. Greenwood Press. Strasser, E., Fleagle, J., Rosenberger, A., & McHenry, H. (Eds.). (1998). Primate Locomotion: Recent Advances. New York: Plenum Press. Swindler, D. R. (2002). Primate Dentition: An Introduction to the Teeth of Non-human Primates. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Swindler, D. R., & Erwin, J. (Eds.). (1986). Comparative Primate Biology: Systematics, Evolution and Anatomy (Vol. 1). New York: Alan R. Liss, Inc.

[–]Unidan 20 points21 points ago

Alarm and Anti-Predator Behavior in Primates

As modern, “Western” humans, we know the world is a harsh place. Sour relationships, dead-end jobs and health concerns are just a few of the problems that many of us face; however, a problem that barely even crosses our minds as conceivable is still a very real threat to some of our closest primate relatives: being eaten alive. While, of course, people do lose their lives to what could be construed as “predation,” such as freak accidents at zoos, hiking excursions or safaris, these losses of life are negligible in comparison to what many non-human primates incur. Thus, while many humans are able to live in cities which do not allow the survival of top predators, non-human primates have retained many behavioral adaptations from selection pressure exerted upon them by predation.

Patterns of Predation of Primates

In order to understand behavioral adaptations developed by non-human primates in response to predation, one must first examine the types of predators to which they are typically exposed. While nearly all non-human primates have anti-predator behavior or alarm signaling, many of the top predators of each primate family vary geographically. Ancient primates were closer together geographically in the Eocene epoch, climatic warming during the Paleocene combined with tectonic plate movement facilitated many early primates’ dispersals and evolutions. (Lehman & Fleagle 2006) This, in turn, helped to co-evolve predators. From these predators, this paper will attempt to describe what behaviors are elicited from specific selection pressures.

Currently, observed reports of predation in the primary literature of are few. This is due to the fact that a great many of the observations are anecdotal in nature, with very few quantitative studies being performed. Those attempting to study predation on a singular group of primates are often underwhelmed, writing the impact of predation off as having a negligible influence on populations; on the contrary, it is more the case that the predator in question’s range simply encompasses several prey species and while the predator hunts continuously, its effect on a single prey species is only a small proportion of its total. (Hart 2007) To find a more comprehensive answer to the predation information problem, statistical meta-analysis is used to combine the sources of anecdotal and quantitative data to give an overarching, larger scale look at the data which overcomes the problems arising from small sample size. (Sokal & Rohlf 1981)

In one such meta-analysis of primate data in four realms: Africa, Madagascar, Asia and the Neotropics, accounts of primate predation in each area were divided into type of predator and its success rate. Other non-human primates and especially humans were intentionally left out of the study as their influences are more complex. (Hart 2007) For example, humans often remove larger bodied predators, fragment primate territories and select hunted prey based on aesthetics, which can provide refuge for other predators and prey which are not targeted; altering normal predator-prey communities. (Ferrari 2009)

In the analysis of the mainland African primates, felids, were the primary predators, with large raptors coming in a close second place. Third, canids and hyaenids accounted for only ten percent of predation events. (Hart 2007)

Predators such as the leopard (Panthera pardus) in Africa often show a preference for larger bodied primates (Zuberbühler 2007) such as those in the genus Colobus. Even in non-rainforest habitat, predatory cats are the number one sources of predation, with predators such as the lion (Panthera leo) taking both chimpanzees (genus Pan), and baboons (genus Papio) (Hart 2007). Meanwhile, raptors are preying on countless other primates, with some birds of prey such as the African crowned hawk-eagle (Stephanoaetus coronatus) which specializes on vervet monkeys (Chlorocebus pygerythrus). This large bird usually takes medium-sized primates but is able to capture prey up to five times its own size, such as duikers (Sylvicapra grimmia), chimpanzees and baboons, some of which can weigh up to seventy-five pounds (Zuberbühler 2007)

An analysis of Madagascan predation on primates yielded different results, with raptors and small carnivores such as the fossa (Cryptoprocta ferox), ring-tailed mongoose (Galidia elegans) and Indian civet (Viverricula indica) dividing up the numbers of predation. Many Madagascan primates are nocturnal and owls are responsible for predation at night (Hart 2007).

In Asia, large predatory cats such as tigers (Panthera tigris) are still the predominant predator on larger monkeys such as the Hanuman langur (Presbytis entellus), but there is a higher incidence of predations, comparative to other regions, by reptiles such as the reticulated python (Python reticulatus) which preys on the smaller primates, such as slow lorises (genus Nycticebus), macaques (genus Macaca) and langurs (genus Presbytis). This is the only region in which raptors are not prominent predators, exceeding only small carnivores in their impact (Hart 2007).

In sharp contrast with Asia, predation in the Neotropics is dominated by birds of prey (Hart 2007). While over fifty-percent of the predation attempts end in failure, raptors remain the premier hunters of the region, with hawks and falcons preying mainly upon marmosets and tamarins (genus Callitrichinae). Studies of nests of the Harpy eagle (Harpia harpyja), arguably the most avid avian predator in the region, revealed a diet consisting of forty-percent primates by weight. (Stanford 2002) The one true nocturnal, arboreal species of primate in the Neotropics, the owl monkey (genus Aotus) is preyed upon by owls. (Hart 2007) Felids also play a part, although small, in the predation force of the Neotropics with cougars (Puma concolor) preying upon primates as large as the howler monkey (genus Alouatta) (Ludwig et al. 2007).

[–]Unidan 18 points19 points ago

Behavioral Responses to Predators

With all these animals preying upon primates, it is easy to see how anti-predator behavior was selected. Nevertheless, not all primates avoid predation in the same fashion. Alarm behavior takes on many different forms, some which are used in conjunction or as increments to one another. If we start at the base of anti-predator behavior we find techniques that are passive, such as pelage coloration, which then can advance to more active camouflage, such as hiding and group manipulation. Active behaviors can also manifest themselves as defensive alarm calls to conspecifics or even as anti-predator behaviors such as mobbing.

By being cryptic, primates are able to avoid a predator entirely by evading detection. Many marmosets, for example, have dull coloration which presumably aid them to feed on gums or move through the trees unnoticed. Similarly, nearly all large primates are drably colored in shades of black, grey or brown. Some small splashes of color exist on primates such as the Titi monkeys (genus Callicebus) but mainly, these colored parts are on the hands and ventral surfaces which are easily hidden when the primate is in normal quadrupedal position. (Ferrari 2009)

There is an inverse correlation of body size and the risk of predation, thus one might expect smaller primates to be more cryptically colored (Colquhoun 2006). There are, however, many colorful small monkeys, such as the squirrel monkeys (genus Saimiri), which display contrasting black, green and yellow patterns as well as having white fur over their faces. While these colors may make squirrel monkeys more visible, their agility, coupled with large group sizes, may make their colors less costly to display. Additionally, their troupes tend to travel in lower canopy layers, which are safer from raptors (Ferrari 2009).

In addition to cryptic coloration, primates such as Spectral Tarsiers (Tarsius tarsier) freeze when raptors appear and remain still until it is out of sight. (Gursky 2007) These responses seem to be genetically hard-wired, with anecdotal evidence showing that even early orphaned primates possess this response. This particular case involved an infant dusky titi’s (Callicebus brunneus) response to flying objects or mock predatory noises. (Ferrari 2009) This type of freezing behavior has also been shown in lorises (Gursky & Nekaris 2007). The reasoning for freezing has been agreed upon to be related to raptor visual cues: a lack of movement would allow potential prey to blend into the still background of a forest setting.

Freezing is normally not used against anything other than avian predators, which makes sense because reptile or mammalian predators rely mainly on olfactory cues (Gursky 2007). Some primates, such as the macaques (Macaca fascicularis) will shake branches aggressively, making loud sounds in the process (Stanford 2002). For many primates, branch shaking can sometimes knock arboreal predators off branches entirely. Pottos (Perodicticus potto) have been known to knock African Palm civets (Nandinia binotata) out of trees when they are being pursued. Pottos possess an enhanced circulatory system in their hands and feet which allow them to be nearly impossible to remove from a branch, giving them a huge advantage over many of their predators who lack opposable digits and thus, face a long fall out of a tree (Gursky & Nekaris 2007).

Loud sounds and aggressive motions can warn a predator that it has been detected. Normally noisy Diana monkeys (Cercopithecus diana) are even more so upon detection of a predator. When a leopard is approached by the monkeys, it typically does not attack, but gives up. Since the Diana monkey forages on the ground for food, leopards, which ambush from low tree branches, have no chance of scoring a meal once spotted (Zuberbühler 2007).

Interestingly, individual leopards are highly idiosyncratic in their preferred prey, some preferring monkeys, others hoofed animals, or smaller prey such as pangolins (Jenny 1996). Leopards are also highly territorial (Jenny 1996), which means that a troupe of monkeys in a single area will most likely interact with the same leopard repeatedly. This fact has led some researchers to claim that it is important for a monkey troupe to actively detect and dissuade leopards and other predators from attacking not only for individual gain, but to keep themselves off of the “preferred food” list, thus minimizing their interactions with the leopards in general, and benefitting future generations of monkeys. (Zuberbuhler 2007)

While simply alarm calling or confronting a predator may be enough to deter it, urination and defecation are used in more active deterrence. Often much higher than their predators, many primates simply let loose a mass torrent of urine or feces to deter their predator. This may also serve useful to help track the location of a predator, just as many primates use their urine in marking territory. Thus, “urine-washing” a potential predator can help prevent future attacks by keeping the troupe aware of the predator’s current location and movement by scent. This behavior can be observed in howler monkeys, capuchins and squirrel monkeys, all of whom are notorious for this behavior. (Gursky & Nekaris 2007)

So far, all of these described behaviors have been largely individualized, such as those exhibited by the solitary pottos; however, in the cases of primates such as the tarsiers or capuchins, group living opens up an entirely new set of anti-predator and alarm behaviors which may or may not directly benefit the individual itself, but instead, benefit others. Understanding the evolution of such potentially altruistic behavior is an important problem.

Basic properties of the groups, such as size, can be affected directly by predation. This does not mean that populations in an area are smaller than one would expect, but simply that groups of monkeys have a higher than expected rate of fission. Some preliminary reasoning for this is that smaller groups allow for greater stealth in areas of high predation. This was directly observed in pig-tailed langurs (Simias concolor) where those in the highest areas of human poaching were found in extremely small groups, sometimes consisting of only one male and one female, while those outside the area of hunting could be found in groups of up to eight (Treves 1999). With a group of any size comes the ability to divide up work. Brown capuchin monkeys (Cebus apella) use sentinels. This behavior involves individuals who forgo typical activities, such as feeding, playing or grooming and remain more vigilant for the benefit of the group. This sentinel position often rotates, or simply becomes more focused when a suspicious activity is noted. This behavior was more or less frequency with height in the canopy, with monkeys becoming less vigilant with greater height in the trees. (Hirsch 2002)

Alarm vocalizations play an important part in anti-predator behavior for many primates. In white-faced capuchin monkeys (Cebus capucinus), calls of varying intensity are used to signal intent. Louder, more generalized barks may indicate the use of a typical escape route, while sharper ones may elicit the use of alternative exits. (Digweed et al. 2005) Putty-nosed monkeys (Cercopithecus nictitans martini) use different calls for different predators, illustrating an adaptive ability for the primate to avoid each predator separately. Using a model of an eagle as well as recordings of one, researchers found that alarm calling was strong for each; however, a visual model of a leopard elicited a much higher response than the pre-recorded growls of one. While an audience effect, the phenomena of an elevated reaction only due to the presence of conspecifics, was initially suspected, further insight about the relationship of the monkeys and leopards seemed to indicate otherwise. (Arnold et al. 2008) As mentioned before, leopards are pure ambush predators, often giving up once spotted. (Hart 2007) Since an acoustic recording cannot be readily located by a troupe of monkeys, thus allowing them to drive the offending leopard away, the alarm call response is diminished. (Arnold et al. 2008; Wheeler 2008)

[–]Unidan 16 points17 points ago

This observation on leopards offers great insight into the life of many primates. While flying predators such as eagles and falcons attack in a somewhat similar manner, predators on the ground vary in a greater degree. This may serve to explain why some primates have a hard-wired response to raptors: alarm calling and freezing (Gursky 2007; Ferrari 2009). Conversely, while the previously mentioned orphaned dusky titi responded instinctually to a flying object by freezing, its response to a predatory snake was much different: it picked it up. (Ferrari 2009)

This lack of judgment on the part of the dusky titi may reflect evidence that many behaviors regarding ground predators are learned rather than instinctual, as the aforementioned infant had only one month’s contact with its natal group. (Ferrari 2009) In many primate groups, such as in Bamboo lemurs (genus Hapalemur), there are distinct alarm calls for snakes (Calquhoun 2006), which often do not get followed up with increased proximity as in the putty-nosed monkey’s response to leopards, indicating that applying the leopard behavior to a snake could lead to an attack.

While predator avoidance is a strategy for some primates, for others, direct physical fighting of predators is a viable option. In a study of Spectral Tarsiers (Tarsius tarsier), researchers created models of various predators to measure the alarm response to each. For avian predators such as falcons, behaviors were polarized into freezing and mobbing, with no member of the group not participating in some way. Responses to other predators, such as civets and monitor lizards were more mixed, as their potential threat to the tarsiers was determined to be not as great. (Gursky 2007) Studies of the black capuchin (Cebus apella nigritus) have yielded evidence that following an alarm call, conspecifics are more likely to participate in mobbing efforts. Here, capuchins, who are typically bold primates, were shown to mob model felids, raptors and even snakes. (Wheeler 2006) These observations are consistent with other findings in white-faced capuchins (Cebus capucinus) which also noted the predilection for males to participate in mobbing efforts over females in nearly all cases. (Digweed et al. 2005) Mobbing appears to be a solely learned behavior, as seen in Hanuman langurs, where younger individuals do not participate until they have sufficiently learned the technique from their elders. (Srivastava 1991)

One may point to kin selection as a decider in whether primates will use mobbing behavior or alarm calling; however, there exists only some support for this theory, with several sources citing only slight correlations between the relatedness coefficient of group members and their propensity to offer alarm calls or assistance to one another. (Gursky 2005; Wheeler 2006) Similarly, dominance hierarchy was not shown to play a significant role in predisposition for alarm behavior, either. Vocal calls were instead seen to benefit the group as a whole, as they are delivered simultaneously to all members, rendering specific targeting an unlikely option. In black capuchins, predators are often detected at very close proximity, making any conscious attempt to remaining silent to the detection of a predator highly deleterious to the actor. (Wheeler 2006)

The danger a typical primate faces is overwhelming: seeking refuge from falcons flying overhead, remaining ever vigilant for jaguars and avoiding venomous snakes; however, it is these terrors that have put pressure on primates to evolve complex anti-predator and alarm behaviors. While there is growing evidence for predator recognition and distinct strategies of dealing with specific threats, there still lacks sufficient data on predation to prove that species specific behavior holds true to primates in general. Hopefully, increased study in the area of primate predation can shed light on the nature of alarm behavior, altruistic or not, as well as provide insight into our own ancestry.

Works Cited:

Arnold, K., Pohlner, Y. & Zuberbühler, K. 2008. A forest monkey’s alarm call series to predator models. Behavioral Ecology and Sociobiology, 62, 549-559.

Colquhoun, I. C. 2006. Anti-predator strategies of cathemeral primates: dealing with predators of the day and the night. In: Developments in Primatology: Progress and Prospects, Primate Anti-Predator Strategies (Ed. by Sharon L. Gursky and K. A. I. Nekaris), pp. 146-172. Chicago: Springer US.

Digweed, S.M. et al. 2005. Variable specificity in the anti-predator vocalizations and behaviour of the white-faced capuchin, Cebus capucinus. Behaviour, 142, 997–1021.

Ferrari, S. 2009. Predation Risk and Antipredator Strategies. In: Developments in Primatology: Progress and Prospects, South American Primates (Ed. by P.A. Garber, A. Estrada, J.C. Bicca-Marques, E.W. Heymann and K.B. Strier), pp. 251-277. Chicago: Springer US.

Gursky, S. 2005. Predator mobbing in Tarsius spectrum. International Journal of Primatology, 26, 207-221.

Gursky, S. 2007. The response of spectral tarsiers toward avian and terrestrial predators. In: Developments in Primatology: Progress and Prospects, Primate Anti-Predator Strategies (Ed. by Sharon L. Gursky and K. A. I. Nekaris), pp. 241-252. Chicago: Springer US.

Gursky, S. & Nekaris, K.A.I. 2007. Primate Anti-Predator Strategies. International Journal of Primatology, 28, 222-240 & 1167-1168.

Hart, D. 2007. Predation on primates: a biogeographical analysis. In: Developments in Primatology: Progress and Prospects, Primate Anti-Predator Strategies (Ed. by Sharon L. Gursky and K. A. I. Nekaris), pp. 27-59. Chicago: Springer US.

Hirsch, B.T. 2002. Social monitoring and vigilance behaviour in brown capuchin monkeys (Cebus apella). Behavioral Ecology and Sociobiology, 52, 458–464.

Jenny, D. 1996. Spatial organization of leopards (Panthera pardus) in Tai National Park, Ivory Coast: is rain forest habitat a tropical haven? Journal of Zoology, 240, 427-440.

Lehman, S.M. & Fleagle, J.G. 2006. Primate Biogeography: Progress and Prospects. New York: Springer Science+Business Media, LLC.

Ludwig, G., Aguiar , L.M., Miranda, J.M.D., Teixeira, G.M., Svoboda, W.K., Malanski, L.S., Shiozawa, M.M., Hilst, C.L., Navarro, I.T. & Passos, F.C. 2007. Cougar predation on black-and-gold howlers on Mutum Island, Southern Brazil. International Journal of Primatology, 28, 39-46.

Nijman, V. & Nekaris, K.A.I. 2008. Alarm calls, startle behaviour and predator avoidance in six congeneric arboreal primates (Cercopithecidae: Presbytis). Folia Primatologica, 79, 366-367.

Sokal, R. & Rohlf, J. 1981. Biometry: the principles and practice of statistics in biological research (2nd ed.). New York: W.H. Freeman.

Srivastava, A. 1991. Cultural transmission of snake-mobbing in free-ranging Hanuman langurs. Folia Primatologica, 56, 117–120.

Stanford, C. B. 2002. Avoiding predators: expectations and evidence in primate antipredator behavior. International Journal of Primatology, 24, 741-757.

Treves, A. 1999. Has predation shaped the social systems of arboreal primates? International Journal of Primatology, 20, 35-67.

Wheeler, B. 2008. Selfish or altruistic? An analysis of alarm call function in wild capuchin monkeys, Cebus apella nigritus. Animal Behaviour, 76, 1465-1475.

Wich, S.A. & Sterck, E.H.M. 2003. Possible audience effect in Thomas langurs (Presbytis thomasi): an experimental study on male loud calls in response to a tiger model. American Journal of Primatology, 60, 155–159.

Zuberbühler, K. 2007. Predation and primate cognitive evolution. In: Developments in Primatology: Progress and Prospects, Primate Anti-Predator Strategies, pp. 3-26. Chicago: Springer US.

tl;dr: monkeys

[–]t_b 16 points17 points ago

Thank god you included a tl;dr, I have so much work I'm supposed to be doing.

[–]Unidan 17 points18 points ago

I try to be efficient!

[–]millidooms 6 points7 points ago

One. One period in that whole comment.

[–]Nachteule 28 points29 points ago

I got bitten by one when I was a kid. It was on sale at a supermarket with a build in mini-pet-store (today not possible but it was 1978). It slowly grabbed my finger in the same adorable way shown in the gif. I was giggling and then with the same slow speed it bit in my finger like it was a sweet mini banana. I was bleeding and crying and the lori looked at me with the same ????? expression.

TI;DR: Lori bit my finger when I was a kid

[–]Unidan 10 points11 points ago

Especially horrifying knowing how hard it is to break that grip!

[–]Ohtanks 42 points43 points ago

I remember you!

I have you tagged as suberbiologist! I even friended you to catch the orange coloring in your great posts. Just wanted to thank you for all the enthusiasm you give all your explanation to internet strangers. Have some imaginary high 5's from me!

[–]Unidan 38 points39 points ago

Thank you very much for the very kind words!

If you're interested in more of this kind of thing, several other redditors have urged me to put all my biology posts in one place, so I started this site!

Feel free to check it out and let me know what you think!

[–]tornato7 13 points14 points ago

I have you tagged as "Excited biologist whos dad flew a plane loaded with cocaine"

[–]Unidan 20 points21 points ago

Technically, it wasn't completely loaded with cocaine, as he was transporting assault weapons, too.

[–]gattofila 2 points3 points ago

Did you already do the AMA and I missed it?!

[–]Unidan 4 points5 points ago

Not yet!

One day, when I have anything of interest to talk about!

[–]MundaneHymn 3 points4 points ago

... I see you everywhere and you ALWAYS have something interesting to talk about.

[–]Unidan 3 points4 points ago

But I feel like it's not good enough!

One day, I'll have something so mindblowing, so earth-shattering, so cranially confounding that the world itself will split in twain, the rivers will recede back, the very atoms that hold the fiber of being together being wrenched apart by the ultimate glory that I will bestow upon the world.

The pure attractiveness of this idea will pull the iron from our blood, tear electrons from their atoms and throw the very foundations of the universe into disarray as people struggle in vain to even grasp the sublime nature of what I throw down before being disintegrated by their very thoughts.

Total ethereal collapse.

Then, I don't know, I'll answer a few questions and maybe show you some cool photos, we'll see.

[–]Ohtanks 9 points10 points ago

Thanks for replying!

And not calling me creepy...

Edit: Awesome site! Lots of hours of entertainment here, I hope! Teach me how to be as awesome as you are!

[–]Unidan 23 points24 points ago

No problem!

I'll judge you quietly in my own head!

[–]HorizonShadow 12 points13 points ago

Your enthusiasm about everything makes me happy.

[–]crackshot91 12 points13 points ago

I was not expecting that image!

Exclamation point!

[–]KhanOfBorg 4 points5 points ago

You're absolutely wonderful! Thank you so much for always contributing in enthusiastic and educational posts :D I am so excited about this site of yours; I've already told my other science-loving friends about it, and hopefully we'll have some great discussions in the future. I love being able to piece together the knowledge from my bio classes into the more complex examples that nature provides with your help.

[–]Unidan 7 points8 points ago

Aww, thank you very much, that's extremely kind!

Always glad to be helpful!

[–]whatswrongwithchuck 18 points19 points ago

Aren't these the little guys that people are removing their teeth and then selling them illegally as pets? :(

Yeah, same little guys

[–]Unidan 30 points31 points ago

I know they are sold as pets in Thailand, which is a terrible idea.

Not only are these very nocturnal animals, they have primitive primate behavior, similar to lemurs, where they tend to pee on everything and then rub it on their hands and then rub their hands on everything.

Sure, it's cute, but it's going to smell like concentrated piss wherever you take the little guy. They bite, they're also covered in toxins unless you cruelly get their glands and teeth removed.

I know a few textbooks remarked that handlers often get numb or sick from handling them too often without gloves or proper protection.

It's just a bad idea all around.

[–]sprucenoose 9 points10 points ago

I owned a pair when I lived in Vietnam. They do not smell like urine, but they certainly have a unique, musty odor. They are not very good pets. The are very nocturnal, and are always looking for a place to hide. We kept them as a pair but they are so solitary they rarely interacted with each other. They have no real personality, they just come out for food from time to time. They were quite tame, had their teeth, and never bit people they knew. Lorises may be the sweetest, cutest little things but not at all suited to captivity. We turned them over a wildlife sanctuary after this became clear.

[–]Unidan 8 points9 points ago

That's good that you turned them over!

Yeah, by urine, I mean the "urine" that they use for scent marking, which won't smell like human waste. If you get the chance to see a lemur exhibit in zoos, take a whiff and you'll know what I mean. Musty or musky is certainly the right word!

[–]VinceHaaz 1 point2 points ago

Ah.. Lemurs... :)

Edit: Unidan should be a teacher.

[–]Unidan 2 points3 points ago

Alas, that isn't a lemur!

It's actually a tarsier, which is another type of prosimian! :D

[–]VinceHaaz 1 point2 points ago

Oh.

TIL.

[–]Unidan 2 points3 points ago

It's what I do.

[–]DrFunkalot 28 points29 points ago

nigga I know all about the Slow Loris.

[–]Unidan 46 points47 points ago

[–]Trevid 12 points13 points ago

[–]tidoubleger 4 points5 points ago

Oh my gosh, that thing is absolutely adorable. I want to hug it and smother it with my affection.

[–]Unidan 12 points13 points ago

Yup, really sad and pathetic, really.

You can see their grip strength is mentioned there, too, as they don't even bother trying to pull the loris off the tree when they're taken in, they just cut the branch off and bring the whole thing.

It's a real shame.

[–]lizlegit000 8 points9 points ago

[–]Unidan 10 points11 points ago

:(

[–]CheesySauce 7 points8 points ago

I livein Phuket, and these are all over Bangla road in Patong. They're used to get tourists to take pictures with them. The police do nothing. It's sad.

[–]JotainPinkki 6 points7 points ago

Thanks for that!

[–]Unidan 10 points11 points ago

No problem!

[–]kceb 17 points18 points ago

I like you!
Stick around for a long time because science.

[–]Unidan 23 points24 points ago

Okey dokey!

I'm a panelist in /r/askscience, so if you want more science, you can science there, too!

[–]HurghlBlargh 14 points15 points ago

[–]Unidan 17 points18 points ago

[–]devila2208 6 points7 points ago

this little guy has five fingers and fingernails, just like us!

I actually have 10!

[–]Unidan 10 points11 points ago

This is where humans and lorises differ, of course.

[–]Gemini_19 5 points6 points ago

I can't say it enough, but I love stumbling on your posts, thanks for the interesting read :]

[–]Unidan 4 points5 points ago

No problem!

Check out the rough compendium here!

[–]Gemini_19 2 points3 points ago

Is this your site? :o

[–]Unidan 2 points3 points ago

Yup!

[–]Gemini_19 2 points3 points ago

I love you ♥_♥

[–]Unidan 2 points3 points ago

I love you, too.

[–]Poncyhair 6 points7 points ago

I think the secret to writing in an interesting manner is to sound excited! I wish there were something I could put at the end of every sentence that would convey my excitement!

[–]Unidan 3 points4 points ago

A smiley face! :D

[–]Poncyhair 2 points3 points ago

But seriously, you and your posts are pretty great.

[–]Unidan 5 points6 points ago

D'aww, thanks!

If you like 'em, feel free to check out my new site that I've made at the request of several redditors.

I'm currently spamming it everywhere.

[–]Errday_Im_Hylian 4 points5 points ago

I have you tagged in bright red letters so I don't miss your posts. You sound so happy and it makes me happy. :D

[–]DM7000 4 points5 points ago

You make me really interested in Biology....I absolutely hated it my first 2 years of college (I'm a chemistry person) but honestly reading your tumblr and your comments makes me feel like signing up for more biology classes to just learn more...

[–]Unidan 4 points5 points ago

There's certain aspects of biology that I really have no interest in, either, so don't feel too bad! I actually loathe chemistry, and it's technically what I'm getting my PhD in (nitrogen biogeochemistry), so it all really depends on how you're studying it!

[–]DM7000 3 points4 points ago

I love the small biology, when I took Cellular and Molecular Biology I had an absolute blast. But when I took Organismal Biology, I wanted to just die...If you don't mind me asking what is entailed in your PhD cause that actually sounds like a really cool topic.

[–]Unidan 7 points8 points ago

And that's why I'm glad people like you exist, since I hated cellular and molecular biology. I was like, 'hey, goober, where are the monkeys?'

For me, I study flux in nutrients, generally as an urban ecologist/systems ecologist. Right now, lots of my projects center around "hot spot" nutrient theory and "hot moment" theory, which looks at the heterogeneity of nutrients in the landscape and how they are transported to their eventual fates. I'm using animals as a mechanism for creating hot spots, which is a relatively unpublished field as most hot spot papers focus on human causes.

[–]DM7000 4 points5 points ago

That actually sounds really cool. It sorta reminds me of some environmental research that I did two summers ago. We tracked the movement of mercury and other heavy elements on a bog to learn how they moved.

My first instinct would be to ask how an animal could create a hot spot since they don't tend to over produce anything (at least not to my knowledge) unless they were added in and were not native to the area.

[–]NorFla 2 points3 points ago

I love it when you reply to thread I randomly end up at. Your tag of "Excited Biologist" shall remain intact.

[–]KrazyKoalaKid 4 points5 points ago

why do slow loris alway look so scared?

[–]Unidan 7 points8 points ago

They're nocturnal, so they have large protuberant eyes to help them see in the dark.

In the light, they just look horribly wide-eyed and probably are a little scared, since they're being forced awake in the middle of when they'd normally sleep.

Imagine being comfortably asleep when someone shakes you awake, shines a flashlight in your eyes and wants you to do something! You'd probably look a little frightened, too!

[–]Gimli_The_Dwarf 3 points4 points ago

You're like the Kristen Bell of loris fans...

[–]Unidan 4 points5 points ago

To make the Kristen Bell comparison even better: here's a picture of a sloth I photographed when I living in the jungles of Costa Rica!

This one was totally on a nice beach though, just chillin'.

[–]wiithepiiple 2 points3 points ago

Those...eyes...

[–]theKinkajou 2 points3 points ago

And here I go. Down the rabbit hole that is Wikipedia.

[–]Manofonemind 2 points3 points ago

I can't wait to start calling people Slow Loris!

[–]bt43 1 point2 points ago

Wow! You're a good cook AND a Biologist. I'm really impressed!

[–]Unidan 3 points4 points ago

One day, I may even be a good biologist!

[–]Rubrum_ 121 points122 points ago

Semi-related: One of the worst feelings as a kid is getting scolded by your friend's parents for doing something in their house or breaking something in it.

[–]Goldmedalinreddit 50 points51 points ago

"I don't know how they do things in your home, but in this house..."

:(

[–]dlpwillywonka 28 points29 points ago

"I'd like to go home now please."

[–]Goldmedalinreddit 12 points13 points ago

Unfortunately the only thing worse than being lectured by your friend's parents is calling home asking to be picked up from a sleepover.

[–]dlpwillywonka 6 points7 points ago

"Well, I don't know my home phone #. My parents didn't leave it with you?"

[–]legrandloup 38 points39 points ago

I remember accidentally dropping a paintbrush on the floor at a friends house when I was maybe 5 and being put in timeout. Cried the entire time because my parents never used timeouts.

[–]ThatRandomNiceGuy 27 points28 points ago

They punished you for accidentally dropping a paintbrush?

[–]legrandloup 17 points18 points ago

Thats the way I remember it at least. I could have done it on purpose. I think i was made because my friends mom made me sit in a booster seat. Theres a very good chance I'm misremembering this all.

[–]IAmA_Zombie 2 points3 points ago

Maybe if your parents used timeouts you wouldn't be dropping paintbrushes all over.

[–]Lanileo123 20 points21 points ago

I remember when I was 11 years old I was invited to my friends birthday party. We were having fun Playing bobbing for apples, Playing video games and dress up. But then the birthday girl decided that she wanted to watch a scary movie (If I remember correctly, I think it was Jeepers Creepers :/) So her super religious mom came in and popped the movie in and told all of us to not use the lords name in vain, If we did then we would have to leave.

I was the lucky one who(out of habit) said "Oh my god!" when everyone else screamed. Everyone looked at me and gasped. The mom took me into the kitchen and had me call my mom to come pick me up.

That was the last time I was invited to her house.

[–]purplepansy11 18 points19 points ago

I hope your mom laughed at the other mom.

[–]IAmA_Zombie 13 points14 points ago

Her super religious mom let a bunch of 11 year olds watch jeepers creepers and she's worried about someone saying ”Oh my god”?

[–]baronxs 7 points8 points ago

I remember just going inside to give something to my friend he forgot at my place, and I forgot to take off my shoes.

I thought his mom was going to murder me.

Never went back.

[–]whiteman90909 111 points112 points ago

just...keep...chewing...avoid...eye-contact...

[–]matebeatscoffee 3 points4 points ago

My last two dinners, but at some friends's who just went to live together. So uncomfy...

[–]sunmachines 176 points177 points ago

That was absolutely the worst growing up.

You'd think they would have the decency to air their dirty laundry without such a captive audience about them.

[–]swanny83 66 points67 points ago

It's not only when you're growing up. I visit a family who will fight whether they've got guests at their house or not. It's so embarrassing :( I'm 28.

[–]NextDayAir 35 points36 points ago

my girlfriend does this when her daughter has friends over... she'll start an argument about some stupid shit and want to fight about it in front of them... I try to tell her to calm down and we'll talk about it later... I usually get the, "No, I don't give a shit. We'll 'talk' about this right now!"

[–]jcmc2112 216 points217 points ago

She sounds like a fucking bitch.

[–]Fieel 36 points37 points ago

i second this

[–]schwins_cube 78 points79 points ago

We've all talked it over and we would like for you to break up with your girlfriend.

[–]RalphiesBoogers 26 points27 points ago

OP will surely deliver.

[–]simhans 37 points38 points ago

She possibly wants to assert dominance?

[–]Trajan98310 39 points40 points ago

She's trying to show herself as the alpha male to the lesser members of the pack.

[–]icouldbewrongbut 16 points17 points ago

As a girl who has a mother like this, I found that the best way to deal with people (girls or not) like this is to be very, very direct and say "I will talk to you about it later" and when it continues (because it likely will as they get really riled up when you deny them this way) you say "I'm sorry, but I have nothing to say right now. I will talk to you about it again later" and either change the subject or walk away. You have to be really assertive and it's a pain in the ass but I found it works really well when you just completely end the conversation.

If that doesn't work, well, then... Yeah, fuck that. Bitches be trifflin'

[–]whut 5 points6 points ago

I TOO ENJOY BITCHES WHO HAVE TRIFFLED

[–]DriveByStoning 51 points52 points ago

Girlfriend. Her daughter. Argument about stupid shit.

There is plenty of time to get out, friend. You don't need that combination of shit.

[–]Intr0vert 17 points18 points ago

Have you tried breaking up with her?

[–]RalphiesBoogers 8 points9 points ago

I agree. This would be a good first step in resolving the issue.

[–]Kniepic 2 points3 points ago

Yea..she sounds like a real winner...both in the SO department and the mother department >.>

[–]mynameiswillem 2 points3 points ago

so you're not growing up anymore?

[–]mikeno1 7 points8 points ago

He's dead.

[–]patternfall 2 points3 points ago

Well I would hope he's done growing by 28.

[–]Kalypso_ 20 points21 points ago

I had friend's parents that would fight at the table and then the father would demand my input like I was some marriage counselor. My poor friend would just put her head in her hands and mumble to herself. I'd just stare wide-eyed and petrified. I was 16 with a widowed father.. why the hell are they asking for my advice? The father would just keep yelling and then call us useless females and storm off. I stuck around though because apparently with me in the house the amount of fighting was reduced...

[–]kabomlamma 2 points3 points ago

its just like Christmas, everybody is so hard trying to prevent it that they snap from the stress

[–]the_dayman 3 points4 points ago

Followed by waking up two hours before your friend does and not knowing what to do in their house so you just pretend to be asleep.

[–]graffiti81 63 points64 points ago

This is why I didn't have friends as a kid. Asking them to be witness to my parents nightly hate fest wasn't something I wanted at all.

[–]Rampachs 31 points32 points ago

Yeah, how often I brought friends over is pretty closely linked to the decline of my parents' marriage. I don't think I realized it consciously wither until later.

Still had friends though, just not at my house.

[–]graffiti81 10 points11 points ago

This went on from before I can remember. The only memories of my parents together I have is them hating each other.

When you're in elementary school, at least in my experience, when you go to a friend's house you're expected to reciprocate, or mom will invite said friend to your house next weekend. I couldn't let friends see how fucked up my parents were because then it would be impossible to keep up the appearance of a family with no problems.

[–]firstclassshitposter 197 points198 points ago

Your title for this post is perfect.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]khulk 29 points30 points ago

[LE]TERALLY THIS

[–]skakruk 16 points17 points ago

DAE S[WEED](ENT)?

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 12 points13 points ago

BRAVE LEVEL: RON DEGRASSE SAGAN

[–]Dymodeus 73 points74 points ago

Wow, that's a really shitty way to embarrass their child.

[–]jcmc2112 35 points36 points ago

It's even shittier for the kid :(

[–]GandalfCalrissian 21 points22 points ago

'Wow this food on my plate is so interesting I could probably just stare down at it intensely for the rest of dinner.'

[–]VaderPrime1 76 points77 points ago

My parents did this. "HOW OLD ARE WE?!?!" was my response. Then it was them who had the OP's reaction for the rest of dinner. Later my friend told me how hard it was for him to keep in the laughter at the table.

[–]graffiti81 54 points55 points ago

Wow, that would have (and did once, I only tried it once) get me smacked hard enough in the face to loosen teeth and bloody my lip.

[–]mikeno1 73 points74 points ago

You have bad parents, I'm very sorry.

[–]graffiti81 22 points23 points ago

Yeah, it is what it is.

[–]Gorillaz_Noodle 14 points15 points ago

Wait. This isn't normal?

[–]graffiti81 20 points21 points ago

I'm told it isn't.

[–]MrClean75 10 points11 points ago

I got a belt, a switch sure. But goddamn, I kept my teeth.

[–]VaderPrime1 5 points6 points ago

I didn't say it disrespectfully, more sarcastically, because the argument was stupid, and they saw that afterwards.

[–]graffiti81 16 points17 points ago

Yep, my father was throwing a temper tantrum over something stupid. I told him to act his age instead of like an entitled 13 year old. He close-fist slapped me across the face and stood there taunting me to hit him back. I didn't, punched a wall instead and broke a metacarpal in six places.

He never did apologize. Fuck him, jokes on him, I only speak to him once or twice a year and then only about very superficial stuff.

[–]Fieel 7 points8 points ago

your dad is a piece of shit mate, i'm sorry for you!

[–]graffiti81 4 points5 points ago

My mom wasn't much better, she was passive aggressive and codependent so she couldn't get out of the situation.

[–]speedy_fox 10 points11 points ago

Good job there. For my full respect do that the next time you're at a friends table and say that to his/her parents.

[–]nogreens 8 points9 points ago

Oh god, my friends parents did this all the time. Amazingly, they're still together but I'm pretty sure it's a loveless open marriage and they're only together for business purposes. Like the Clintons.

[–]da_man_made_of_bread 9 points10 points ago

Clever tip, if a situation has become awkward for you, best thing to do is to make it awkward for everyone.

[–]wiithepiiple 9 points10 points ago

I would always wait for the awkward pause during the fight and complement the cook. Half the time, it would "Twilight Zone" into an alternate reality where they never had the fight, and life continued.

[–]xb4r7x 8 points9 points ago

I used to go over to a buddy's house... his parents would literally start screaming at each other from opposite rooms of the house.

After about 5 minutes, my buddy would scream up to them "SHUT THE FUCK UP, WE HAVE COMPANY! JESUS CHRIST!" I think it's probably a good time to mention that we were about 12 or 13 when this was happening...

No kids should have to be subjected to that kind of shit. I was indifferent to the situation at the time, I figured that was just how things were... but I imagine that my buddy was probably really embarrassed. I never really thought about it. :/

[–]Liberalatheism 16 points17 points ago

Please don't be angry at me...please don't be angry at me...

[–]_liminal 18 points19 points ago

"I TOLD YOU WE CAN'T GO TO YOUR STUPID SHOW TONIGHT CUZ WE GOT TO WATCH OVER THE BOY AND HIS FRIEND! DO YOU WANT OUR KID TO GROW UP TO BE FRIENDLESS? DO YOU?!"

[–]NBAallstar 6 points7 points ago

Well that made me incredibly sad. Hopefully no kid ever had to hear that.

[–]lugasamom 11 points12 points ago

I've made this face before and this is the first time I've ever seen what I must have looked like as I was making it.

Awkward non-invisibility does not even begin to describe the half of it.

[–]gnarddog 33 points34 points ago

My family was that family when I was growing up. We owned a restaurant that had been spiraling downwards in regards to profit after the D.C. sniper (restaurant was in Maryland DMV area), and we were nearing bankruptcy. On a good day, we would have 2 or 3 tables and that was it. My mother came in every day from 11am to 2am and even later on the weekends. My father was an alcoholic and the financial tension didn't help the slightest. I remember one day, a few months before we cut our losses, we were sitting next to one rare table of customers that had come in while my dad was drinking and giving me a lecture that I had heard so many times before. "You're going nowhere in life. Do you know how much we sacrificed for you? You should be ashamed of yourself."
As a ten year old child, of course you'd understand that I was embarrassed, and frankly torn that my father had to do this not only in front of customers, but one of the two or three tables we would get at all. He noticed my discomposure and looked over at the customers and back at me. "You care what the fuck they think about us? Fuck them," he yelled, as he batted an arm and knocked plates from our table onto the ground.
"I'm your father and you only give a shit about what's our business." That was my breaking point. I got up and left. I don't know exactly why I did that, but I had no other idea of what to do. At ten years old, walking down the street of a ghetto ass neighborhood was sketchy as fuck. I went to the only place I knew of, the old beaten down court where I used to spend my free time when my parents were busy with work. But as of late, I had more free time than I could handle. After about five minutes of playing, three or four kids who were a lot bigger than me walked onto the court. They started calling me names and played keep away with my ball.
I swear my hand was reaching for the ball. But I felt the back of my hand connect with one of their faces. I could feel the punches already landing on my body. That's when I saw my mother. She was in tears and was screaming at the fucking hoodlums about to beat on her child. As the kids scattered she stormed over to where I was standing and grabbed my face and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in bel air".

[–]henkizh 1 point2 points ago

10/10

[–]fistea 7 points8 points ago

Damn. Didnt expect that. At all.

Well done.

[–]compleks 0 points1 point ago

This. is. brilliant.

[–]Fieel 2 points3 points ago

You should be a writer.

[–]ms_anne_thropy 4 points5 points ago

you are a gentleman and a scholar

[–]cuttinace 6 points7 points ago

[–]Chinaroos 14 points15 points ago

"Why can't you and Mom love each-other anymore?"

.....I just made myself cry watching a lemur slow lorris eat dinner =(

EDIT: The more you know with special thanks to Sea Salt....i want one

[–]dirice87 3 points4 points ago

Or eating at girlfriend's place and wondering whether or not you should be flattered they consider you family enough to fight in front of you, or this is a warning signal to never invite them over for dinner.

Either way you feel bad for your gf's childhood.

[–]DurpaDurpa 5 points6 points ago

I like to agree with one of them and then switch side and constantly do it to antagonise them.

[–]Kynaeus 41 points42 points ago

My girlfriend has this exact expression when she eats, thank you. Wide eyes, just nomming away, adorable.

[–]MrClean75 26 points27 points ago

You should untie her.

[–]PeopleAreStaring 75 points76 points ago

THIS GUY HAS AN ADORABLE GIRLFRIEND!

[–]concordefallacy 47 points48 points ago

You forgot the "HEY EVERYBODY" at the beginning.

[–]leo96 2 points3 points ago

Nah, he doesn't need to write that, the PeopleAreStaring.

[–]SirDigbyChknCaesar 17 points18 points ago

Is her name Loris? Would you describe her as "slow"?.

[–]beeUnit 3 points4 points ago

If you keep matching brilliant posts with reactions like these, you could win this entire competition.

[–]OldJeb 2 points3 points ago

Oh man. The worst. The worst.

[–]GraphikSF 2 points3 points ago

It's even worse when the fight is about a discussion you started.

[–]CUHokie 2 points3 points ago

The real question is: what was the fight about?

[–]irish711 14 points15 points ago

Their kid having a friend over for dinner.

[–]kceb 2 points3 points ago

Man, when my parents did this, it was so embarrassing. Not just at the table but in the kitchen yelling their heads off while we, the kids were upstairs with the door closed still hearing them at full volume.
I don't have many people over anymore.

[–]SwitchesDF 2 points3 points ago

It looks like it has an oreo in its right hand

[–]mr-peabody 2 points3 points ago

I had a buddy's step-dad storm into the bedroom while we were sleeping. His mom followed and they continued yelling back and forth at the foot of the bed. We both pretended to be asleep.

I think that was the last time I spent the night over there.

[–]spiralpath 2 points3 points ago

Man I always felt so bad for my friends when this happened. Then I stopped having people over!

[–]awESOMEkward 2 points3 points ago

I just went outside with my friend when they did that to prevent me balling.